Rough Week

[diaperguy]

This has been a suck week. Last year I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer. He was more than my dad, he was a friend. Been a horrible 2 yrs. But this past week has been really bad. Then add dreams with him in them and I dont want to get out of bed. I cant because I got to make sure mom has everything she needs. Plus add people just being stupid. What sucks sooo much is I litterally have NOBODY to talk too. Mom has her sisters and a really good friend. I have no friends who give a damn. My brothers have jobs or in bed. So it makes this depression worse. I feel very alone and isolated. I spend time playing video games or things to keep my mind busy. But when bedtime hits thats when its worse. I usually cuddle with my plush Stitch. People ask if I should see someone? No did that for 5 yrs for past things. I dont need to hear what Im doing wrong. I know this will pass. Its just a pain until it does. Thanks for reading my ramble.

[DailyDi]

Sorry you are having a rough time! Hang in there!

[Little Cub Pants]

14 hours ago, diaperguy said:

This has been a suck week. Last year I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer. He was more than my dad, he was a friend. Been a horrible 2 yrs. But this past week has been really bad. Then add dreams with him in them and I dont want to get out of bed. I cant because I got to make sure mom has everything she needs. Plus add people just being stupid. What sucks sooo much is I litterally have NOBODY to talk too. Mom has her sisters and a really good friend. I have no friends who give a damn. My brothers have jobs or in bed. So it makes this depression worse. I feel very alone and isolated. I spend time playing video games or things to keep my mind busy. But when bedtime hits thats when its worse. I usually cuddle with my plush Stitch. People ask if I should see someone? No did that for 5 yrs for past things. I dont need to hear what Im doing wrong. I know this will pass. Its just a pain until it does. Thanks for reading my ramble.

Man! That really sucks buddy!? I see a lot of myself in you. I know what it's like to be depressed and isolated and have no friends. It's not fun! I would spend lots of time playing video games and sometimes, those feelings of loneliness and depression can be very overwhelming. I'm glad I'm not the only one that deals with this. When I was younger I used to feel bad about it. I thought it was my fault. Mostly because my brother would give me a very hard time about it which didn't help at all. Especially in today's society, but it's just a part of life. I want you to know that you always have me to talk to buddy. Believe me, I've been there! I know what you're feeling. I also grew up without a daddy.??? So I know what's it's like not to have a support system. And yet people expect you to figure all this out on your own. The Truth is society doesn't understand what that's like. And while I may not have lost an father like you did, I know what it's like not to have one. So I understand that pain. One thing that I think might be beneficial to you though, is E.M.D.R therapy. It's this type of therapy that deals with traumatic experiences. And the best part, talking is very minimal. Since I know you hate talking about your feelings with someone. And believe me I get where you're coming from when you say that, cause I was the same way. Basically what EMDR does, is it takes the emotional charge away from traumatic experiences. so you still have the memory of the experience but the pain associated with the experience will be gone and it might even be blocked out of your brain by your mind. However it may take multiple sessions for that to happen. What EMDR does is it rewires the neurology of the brain and the physical structure of the brain, creating new neuropathways, this may also lead to insights that you didn't know previously that will be related to your experiences. Although that varies from person to person. But I do want to warn you though, the process of the rewiring may be very traumatic and emotional for you depending on how intense the past experience was. And I think that it depends on your financial situation too, so it can be affordable to you. The price varies from person to person based off of your finances, mine was just $20 a session. However this is not a quick fix it takes time and patience to get the results. I'm going to leave some information about it so you can read about it. You don't have to do it obviously, but I just thought you should at least know about it. I wish I did, that would've saved me a lot of time actually. LOL!?? Here you go buddy! I hope this knowledge proves useful to you, and I wish you the best of luck on your journey!??❤️? Love you buddy! ?❤️??❤️☺️ https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/treatments/eye-movement-reprocessing and https://www.emdria.org/about-emdr-therapy/ Let me know what you think of it buddy!?????❤️☺️

[Little Sherri]

I hope you feel better soon, @diaperguy. The pain from depression is as real as the pain from a physical injury, and just as distressing. I know you've said that you don't want to go back and get more help, because you felt that all they did was point out what you were "doing wrong", but maybe you should seek out another opinion. Depression can be a viscous cycle - you don't feel like you're worth anything, so you don't socialize or share much with others, so people pass by you in the corridor of life, without acknowledging your existence, and that, in turn, makes you feel worse, which of course makes you even less social. It's not that they don't care, they just don't know or can't understand the pain you're in, or they misattribute your mannerisms to being antisocial, or having a bad attitude, or aloofness. Breaking the cycle is critical to your wellbeing, either by medication, counselling, or self-care such as meditation, relaxation or exercise (or, for me, wearing diapers all the time...). Also, if your depression makes it difficult to retain employment, then you end up trapped in a world where you have very little control, for financial reasons, and that is just another irritant to your already uncomfortable existence. Invest in yourself - you are worth the effort. Easier said than done, I know, but I hope you consider what I'm saying. All the best. 

[diaperguy]

Thank you both for the advise an info. I will consider all of it. Times it feels like life kicks you in the balls.