Lanny & Hayden (Complete)

[Sophie ♥]

25.)

The rest of the weekend wasn't very exciting. Marie and I stayed in on Sunday and Lanny went down to the mall. 'Why waste what little time I have indoors,' she'd said. I just wasn't really in the mood, not after everything the day before, and not after what Alex had said about me wanting to be with Lanny. Of course I wanted to be with Lanny! I wondered about bringing it up with Marie, but thought against it. She didn't bring it up either. Maybe all the drama was just in my head... or at least, I thought that until Monday morning.

"I don't have class for three hours... what's up?" My head was foggy with sleep.

"I don't want to be a boy anymore." Which I guess was obvious; that was sort of the theme of what we'd been doing on our weekends away. I was, however, dressed appropriately to match the statement and I knew the penny would drop soon. Which is why I kissed my sister before she had much of a chance to respond.

"Okay...?" The kiss lasted longer than usual, but I wasn't really complaining. I melted into the pillow and smiled up at my sister. She really was my sister too, no matter how I argued it. I put my head on her shoulder. "I didn't think we were being boys anymore."

"I don't want to pretend anymore..." I ran my fingertips over her cheek and smiled, biting my lip as I took a breath.

"You told Hannah that we were girls... so I don't want to pretend otherwise anymore. I don't want weekends of amazing happiness bookending weekdays of sadness..." My hand found the pacifier on her bedside and I gently slipped it between her lips, maybe hoping to distract her from the outburst I knew would follow.

"I wanna be girls all the time. And I wanna come home at night and put you in a diaper and cuddle you as your big sister... and maybe some nights be your little sister, or twin baby sister."

"Okay..." Maybe it was the sleepiness or the expecting look from Lanny that made it so difficult for me to realize... but I realized. She wasn't talking about just being girls on our own anymore. I quickly took the pacifier out and shook my head.

"No! We have classes, we have a life! We can't just start... no, gosh, no. Seriously, no."

"It has to happen, sis. It has to. Maybe it could have waited a while, but Hannah knows now and I... I don't want to have to hide it anymore. We're in college, nobody is going to care what we do!" I played with the pacifier in my hands and then slipped it between my own glossy lips, which only really now drew attention to my well-practiced make-up, my pigtails with ribbons, and my cute little blouse and skirt ensemble.

I shook my head and sat up in bed, looking down at my sister with a frown. "No. I said no, and that's the end of it." We'd decided a long time ago big changes had to go through the both of us. We liked our similarities. Synergy. Maybe that was why it caught me so off guard...

"I'm doing it."

"...what...?"

"I'm being a girl. I love our synergy... I need it, Hayden, I need it so badly because it's what keeps me safe at night... I need it so bad. But I need this, too..." I bit my lip and played more with the pacifier.

"It makes me feel content. And safe. And happy. And it doesn't make you feel sad... so I don't know why you won't do it, Hayden..." And when I looked up now, there were tears in my eyes.

My chest hurt. He wasn't serious... but that look in his eyes and the tears on his cheeks. I shook my head and stormed out of the room, into the bathroom, and slammed the door behind me. Lanny was doing this without me? This wasn't how it worked. This wasn't how it worked!

I stood outside the bathroom door for a long while, and then turned around. When I came back - a minute or so later - I opened the door to the bathroom, closed it, walked over to my sister and pressed my lips to hers with the sort of love that I didn't really know could be conveyed in a kiss. The diaper in my hand was probably unseen and my other hand ran to her cheek and cradled her face. She was having a panic attack and I knew how to fix it. I knew the procedure - but I wanted to show her a different way. Teach her that different paths existed, and different could be good.

I tried to push Lanny off me, but her kisses were... nice. Despite how closed in I already felt, and the pains in my chest, her lips were something else. I whimpered against her mouth until my breathing worked it's way up from the shallow depths. My chest was hurting so badly...

"Lan.."

I pressed my forehead to hers. I looked into her eyes, mirrors of mine, and smiled. "I want you to trust me. Please?" There was a rising look of fretfulness and I smiled, adding quickly. "In a short term, immediate sense. Please? Lay down for me?"

"Lanny... I... I don't..." But her hands guided me to the bathroom floor. It didn't help. I hated laying down on my back when I was panicking, and I hated even more the cold tile of our bathroom. I shook my head and tried to sit back up, but Lanny didn't allow it.

"Pretty baby girl, relax..." As my hands went to her panties beneath her nightgown, my lips found her lips again to sate her discontent. She could step outside what was comfortable, experiment and see that things could work out even if she didn't think it possible in the first place.

I felt stupid. The stupidness hurt my chest even more. Why was I doing this? Why wasn't she giving me my space? Why wasn't this working? I felt so unhappy, so miserable, and so hurt... so very hurt. I just didn't want this to happen this way. She was my sister, my twin... tears poured down my cheeks...

I unfolded the diaper promptly and slid it under her behind - she was crying, but I slid the diaper beneath her nonetheless. I taped it up in place and I pulled her into my arms as I sat back against the wall. My voice whispered softly in her ear as my hand rested on the front of her diaper.

"It's okay little baby girl, it's okay my pretty lil' Hayden... you're safe in your diaper, with your sister, and the world is so far away."

I wasn't sure why she thought this was a good time to do this. I was in a diaper; so what? I'd probably just start to associate the two - the panic with this. And then I'd never enjoy it again. Maybe she didn't want me to enjoy it. Maybe I didn't want to, anyway! I could barely breathe...

I held Hayden in my arms, squirming as I kissed the back of her hair and my hand trailed lines along her thigh, teasing the crinkling plastic of her diaper here and there and going back to the bare skin. I whispered in her ear softly as I held her, my tone soft and melodic.

"It's okay baby girl, it's all going to be okay - you're safe now, safe in my arms and safe from everything bad. Safe in your diaper and safe in my arms and safe from the world..."

It shouldn't have helped. It made no fucking sense. But with Lanny's arms around me, the soft crinkling sounds in my ears, and the gentle way she held me... it actually made me think of...

"My chest still hurts..." But my crying had stopped. My trembling had stopped. I didn't understand...

"I know it does, pretty little girl, but your mind works faster than your body so it'll take your body just a little longer to be okay..." I didn't let her go, I didn't stop what I was doing - I stayed calm and rhythmic and soft. Her little convulsions had eased away and she was so much calmer.

I shook my head and slipped down onto my sister's shoulder. I felt so tired. Not really sleepy, but gosh was I tired... I let my chest breathe in and out, still aching with every breath, while my sister cooed sweet compliments into my ears. She put her thumb near my mouth and I bit softly on the end. I closed my eyes.

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[YourFNF]

4 minutes ago, Sophie ♥ said:

"I'm being a girl. I love our synergy... I need it, Hayden, I need it so badly because it's what keeps me safe at night... I need it so bad. But I need this, too..." I bit my lip and played more with the pacifier.

"It makes me feel content. And safe. And happy. And it doesn't make you feel sad... so I don't know why you won't do it, Hayden..." And when I looked up now, there were tears in my eyes.

Honestly good for her. This was going to eat at her and cause potentially life long regrets.

8 minutes ago, Sophie ♥ said:

I shook my head and slipped down onto my sister's shoulder. I felt so tired. Not really sleepy, but gosh was I tired... I let my chest breathe in and out, still aching with every breath, while my sister cooed sweet compliments into my ears. She put her thumb near my mouth and I bit softly on the end. I closed my eyes.

[Sophie ♥]

26.)

It was some time before Hayden opened her eyes, and when she did we were still in the same position, my hand was against her diaper - her diaper that was, very interestingly, quite damp. I'd been caught off-guard at first, but I figured if nothing else it meant she was relaxed. And I mean, diapers were meant for peeing in, right? She seemed groggy though, and I didn't say much as she stirred.

I shook the sleep away from my eyes and looked around the unnaturally bright bathroom. How did... oh, right. But what about... oh, yeah. But then we... of course. But it wasn't this bright, was it?

"What’s… the time?" But neither of us had our phones. Lanny got up first and grabbed my hands to help me do the same. Only then did I remember the diaper.

"Come on, sleepyhead, let's go get you changed." I didn't mention implicitly that my sister had wet it, but the yellow tint was pretty obvious. I kept the melodic tone and kissed her lips. "Don't dawdle now, pretty little girl."

I bit my lip and followed my sister through the bathroom and into my room. I felt stupid for having had a panic attack - I always did - but this was different. I was more... nervous.

"Lanny..." I only said her name after sitting down on the edge of the bed. She motioned for me to lie down and I did so cooperatively. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean... you're right about..."

Hayden rested back on the bed and I smiled down at her, my hand on one of her diaper tapes. "It's okay. We'll talk about it later, okay? We don’t want to miss morning classes. I'll get changed." The sound of the tape coming off was followed by three more and I bit my lip looking at the yellowed interior as the smell of pee filled the room just briefly. "Do you have any baby wipes?"

Wow, that was... cold. I really hadn't... I mean, diapers never... I shook my head at Lanny's question. I was still so surprised with how comfortable I was with her seeing me naked, and more so her putting me into a diaper.

"No... why would I?"

"Well, I just want to make sure you're all clean, I mean..." I looked down at the diaper and smiled as best I could manage. "You could shower, I guess? I just didn't want my little girl getting a rash or something because I didn't clean your skin so well... maybe I'll get a wash cloth?"

"What are you talking about?" I looked up at my sister with confusion, but more than that, her giddy smile stared back at me. What was she... wait, wait? I sat up as quickly as I could and looked at the diaper, tinted yellow, and quickly pulled the blankets over me. "Get out!"

Her tone caught me off-guard and I flinched a little, but I reacted by doing the exact opposite. I pushed her back down on the bed and kissed her, which was probably the dictionary was the opposite of ‘getting out’.

"You're a little girl and little girls sometimes have accidents. It's not a big deal, but if you make it one, there'll be consequences."

"But I don’t! Is this a joke? Is this one of your weird pranks?!" But the way she smiled, I seriously doubted it. There was no mischievousness. I felt my cheeks burn red and turned away from Lanny. “Please leave so I can..." What, change? Clean myself up? What's the vernacular for this...?!

"I'm already changing you - don't be a butt, missy!" I rolled my eyes and looked around the bedroom, spotting the hand-wipes on the table.

"Don't move, or you'll be in big big trouble. Understand?" She making such a big deal out of it - it was just a little bit of pee. What's the big deal?

As soon as my sister got off me though, I sat up on the bed. My butt was still on the now-open diaper and I felt a little unhappy about all this. And more than that: really grossed out...

"Just give me some privacy. I mean it... please?"

"You wet yourself like an hour ago. I sat there cuddled up to you since then, and it's not a big deal. Don't make a big deal of things, Hayden - if you do then other people will too." There was some double meaning there, of course - like how I intended for us not to have a coming out event or anything, but just to start being girls. No big deal meant less negative reactions, because people had no choice but to make up their own minds.

"Well I don't do that! Ugh..." I wrapped the blanket around me and pulled my nightgown down as far as it would go. Stupid nightgowns. I wanted some damn pants! I balled up the diaper the same way I normally did and taped it shut. I couldn't believe... I couldn't have...

"Well apparently you do now. You shouldn't be so scared of change, Hayden..." I decided on a different tact. "What if I were all dolled up pretty... a little girl dress with bloomers and stuff, and my hair in pigtails and a pacifier clipped to the collar and I came up to you and I was like..."

For emphasis, I tugged on Hayden's night-gown.

"Hayden… I um..." My lip slipped between my teeth and I looked down. "I had a lil' accident... in my diaper... and..." I looked up at him. He was blushing. My point was well made whether he'd admit it or not!

"...that's... different!" It wasn't even that she'd had an accident. It was the way she talked. The shyness in her voice. I bit hard on my lip and looked away.

"Look, I should probably get dressed anyway... so just... go make breakfast or something. That's why you want to be a girl, right?"

"Well that was rude. Maybe you should help me in the kitchen." I stuck up my tongue and grinned, looking at the door. My voice trailed off. "Or we could just make out for the next half hour and I could make you squirm and squeal on the bed..."

I knew I was blushing, but it wasn't so unordinary. I ran my hands through my hair and shook my head. I still felt so gross having wet the diaper, and I was eager to find a way to get myself clean...

"It was a joke, dummy. Go on. I'll be out in a second, and we can talk about what to wear today."

"No cummy panties?" I pursed my lips and pouted, but then left the bedroom before Hayden had a chance to reply - I knew she was blushing, though. I didn't know what to do - for everything I'd said, we both knew our synergy came first and if she dug her heels in there was just no way we were going to be girls full time. But I also knew she wanted it in some regard, or she wouldn't be doing it.

I should really have wipes. I mean, just in case. I mean, I never expected this to happen, but it sure sucked that it did. I came into the kitchen a minute later, still in the nightgown, and took a bite of one of the Poptarts on the plate.

"I was thinking... maybe we could wear our girl jeans today...?" Compromise...

"Girls’ jeans and training bras. Final offer." The bras would hardly show - I just wanted to feel like I was making progress and I wanted Hayden to feel the same. She wouldn't have made the offer if she wasn't willing to negotiate anyway.

"Yeah... okay, fine!" I still wasn't sure if I liked the idea, but even in girl clothes I doubt we'd be questioned too much. Until our hair was done - and we didn't even know how to do that on our own - we still looked like guys. Less so since Marie had done our eyebrows, but that was weeks ago.

"I'll pick out the top." And that was what we did. I wouldn't wear a cardigan, which left us each with a blue hoodie. We looked very androgynous or scene or whatever, but it was what my sister needed...

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[diaperpt]

Uh oh! It seems things are beginning to fall apart. Lanny is still in control but she's making some unfair assumptions I think, even based on how they've acted as siblings up to now. This is a story, so anything can happen, but we know Lanny is a girl and needs to begin living full time as herself, but Hayden has just gone along with the weekend girl thing. He's a guy but the two are still locked in the uniformity idea. And Hayden has made it obvious already that Lanny's assumption that he wants to be diapered full time is all wrong.  Sure there's going to be a lot of drama and back and forth, but Alex's statement that the twins are very different people is showing up to be true more and more... as if the power differential between the two wasn't different enough already!

I'm really drawn into the struggle within and between Lanny and Hayden. Thanks for TWO chapters!

[Sophie ♥]

27.)

Oliver shared a class with Hayden and he sat down next to the twin with a forced smile - the memories of the Thursday before were still fresh, but he didn't want to be an asshole about it.

"How was your weekend, buddy?" He was eating a small pack of Doritos, and the class was almost empty but for him and Hayden - they were both early. "What's going on with you two? You and Landon? Bet you had one heck of a regret hangover on Friday, huh?"

"The whole weekend sucked, really," I said with a little smile. Landon and Oliver were much better friends than Oliver and I had ever been. I think that attributed a lot to the fact that Landon was always a guy's guy. It was really ironic now. "I don't think we'll be taking any other pills for a while."
"Oh, that's a shame - I was going to get you two some more and film it this time. Maybe you'll get to second base?" He grinned and rolled his eyes. "Bet a lot of those Tumblr chicks would pay for something like that - you'd be internet famous."

Two brothers who became girls together and made out on camera... we would be Tumblr famous. At least we had a backup plan if this whole psychology thing didn't work out.

"So why are you dressed like an emo kid?"

"I don't think it's very emo..."

"You just need some eyeliner."

"Give it a few days."

"You know most guys do that whole phase in high-school - guess you two are a bit delayed." He laughed in a haughty kind of way and finished off his chips - a good part of the fact that he and Hayden could be friends at all was attributed to the fact that Hayden was witty enough to deflect most of Ollie's douchebaggery.

"So no more kissing?"

"Plenty more kissing. Exclusively around you, actually." Oliver pushed me and I nearly fell of my chair. It sucked always being smaller than people...

"How's Hannah? And you? I mean, like, together." Maybe I was looking for relationship advice. Or maybe validation that I wasn't as fucked up as I thought.

"We're good. We had a fight this morning, but everything seems cool now." Oliver and Hannah bickered a bit in their relationship but it was mostly benign. "She's really obsessed with that shibari thing, you know? The Japanese rope tying thing? And I don't know... it seems dumb to me. But she wants to try it so I guess we're going to."

"She always seemed the dominant type." Oliver rolled his eyes, but I knew there was some truth to the statement. I couldn't even begin to imagine the complexities of their bedroom play. "I've never been tied up or anything, but it seems kind of cool. So maybe you'll enjoy it."

"You should lose your virginity before you can think about getting tied up, buddy." There were people coming in now and he laughed, nudging the boy playfully. "Maybe your brother will do it for you? He seemed pretty intent on getting you 'somewhere private' on Thursday night. Better than nothing, right?"

I rolled my eyes. Oliver wasn't exactly aware of my lack of sex life, but it was true I hadn't dated anyone since the fall out with Marie. Lanny, conversely, dated tons. We messed with a couple of them, but nothing ultimately interesting. And of course, there was always Mimi...

Class went on as usual, mostly due to people wanting to actually learn, and afterwards Oliver picked up where he left off. "I can set you up with someone, you know. Uh... Monnie, maybe? She's single and pretty easy. She likes flouncy boys too, so your new look would go down well."

"Um... no thanks..." I bit my lip and looked past Oliver as we walked between the buildings on campus. I couldn't really think clearly about this kind of thing. I was dating Lanny now, anyway, right? Were we exclusive? I guess we never really talked about it...

"Well, whatever. But I mean, you're not getting any action right now, right? You just gotta find a girl you like. Be confident, go up to her and get what you want." Ollie’s laugh was followed by a shrill and unmistakable voice.

"Landoooon!! Where have you beeeen?! Gosh. I've tried to call you six times this morning. Don't you ever answer your phone, mister?"

"Hey Mimi." Oliver didn't correct the discrepancy.

"What're you wearing anyway? You look sexy in girl jeans..."

Gosh, maybe she was better for Lanny than I thought. I merely smiled and put my hand behind my head the way my sister liked to. "It's been a busy weekend, Mimi. And you shouldn't call so much - you remember what we talked about. I'll call you back when I have the time."

"I knooooow..." She frowned but it lasted only as long as it took her brain to tick over to the next thought, which wasn't long at all. "Are you done going on your dumb weekends away? I miss you and you owe me a date!"

"He does?"

"Yeah he does!"

"Since when?" Oliver liked to wind Mimi up.

"Since I said so."

"Our date..." I sighed and looked up at Oliver with a shrug. "I'm sort of seeing someone right now, Mimi." With any other girl, it might have upset or deterred, but Mimi had seen Landon go through so many girls it wasn't even funny. She held none of them very highly, which made me wonder how she'd feel knowing that someone was me.

"Psh. That won't last - she's not good enough for you, Landon. You deserve someone who gets you. Someone flexible and friendly and funny and someone who loves your quirks."

"And where do you propose Landon finds this mysterious girl, Mimi?"

"Well..." The girl smiled smugly. "She's probably right under his nose!"

"Hannah!" I said suddenly and snapped my fingers. "Oh, but Oliver's dating her... would you mind if I cut in for a bit? I mean, we could both date her. It might seem weird at first, but I'll take the responsibility of buying her all her jewelry. And you can just have sex a lot."

Mimi seethed and crossed her arms. "That's not funny! Oliver, tell him that's not funny."

"Oh yeah, it's not funny - it's brilliant. And with your newfound affection for girls’ jeans, you can take her shopping for clothes, too. This is great."

"Landon! Tell Ollie to stop being a jerk."

"This could be great. I love it. When can you start, Landon?"

"Tomorrow's good for me. I'll have a talk with her tonight. Sit down, make out, make sure the chemistry works..." Mimi looked like she might explode. One thing about her was that despite her very obvious crush on Lanny, she refused to admit it. It was her belief - something we had to get a few drinks into her to learn - that Landon should ask her out.

"We're just messing with you, Mimi. I'll see you at lunch?"

"If you're lucky, mister!" She crossed her arms and then her frustration quickly faded. "Lunch sounds good. Seeya!"

Oliver watched her walk away and then turned to Hayden. "That girl has all the depth of a leaky wading pool full of toddlers."

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[YourFNF]

Oliver seems like a douche.....

[Sophie ♥]

3 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

Oliver seems like a douche.....

You aren't WRONG..  ? 

On 7/13/2021 at 10:05 PM, diaperpt said:

Thanks for TWO chapters!

Thank YOU for the wonderful commentary!  

[Sophie ♥]

28.)

Everyone showed up for lunch, which was nice. Lanny, despite last week, seemed to be in much better spirits. I sat and ate my donut in mostly silence. Hannah watched us both curiously, but there was nothing out of the ordinary.

I played with my sister’s feet under the table as I talked to the others, but Hayden seemed mostly focused on the donut. Well, that was until Hannah looked at him strangely and then reached across the table and pulled his hoodie across to better cover his left shoulder. What was that all about?!

I felt a blush on my cheeks and smiled appreciatively at the girl across from me. She rolled her eyes and went back to the conversation between Oliver and Lanny. I had filled her in on all the nuances of the three-way dating joke and they were really working with the material in front of Mimi. She was frustrated, though.

Mimi frowned and crossed her arms, then looked across at Hayden. "Maybe you should be a part of this, too? I mean, it's already a perversion on the sanctity of relationships!"

"How so?"

"Boys can't date boys!"

"I'm not dating Ollie. We're both dating Hannah."

"I like it. This could totes work."

"I think guys can date guys." It was the first real contribution to the conversation I'd made all day, and only because, even aside from Lanny and I, it was a position I strongly supported. Mimi looked at me with a frown and I smiled.

"Any other view is a little... outdated, don't you think?" Even Oliver, who was a little homophobic, didn't dare get in the way of it.

"If all the boys date boys, who will be left for the girls?"

As always, Mimi's views were always steeped in the simplest origins - and were usually harmless, unlike other people.

"Some boys are really cute together. Like say, kissing each other on a park bench, or being promiscuous in the backseat of a friend’s car."

I blushed and bit my lip and Hayden did the same, through Mimi seemed oblivious.

"Boys can't have sex, Hannah. They don't have vaginas. Gosh."

"Wow you're dumb..."

"I'm not dumb!"

"Oh god, you weren't kidding either..."

"Ollie, be nice."

"I'm gonna head to class," I said with a smile, hugging my sister around the back, since she was still sitting. It was something new, and something I hadn't intrinsically meant to do, but slip ups had been happening since we'd first started this girl thing. Hannah looked up a little awkwardly and I felt my cheeks blush. "Anyway, see you."

When Hannah caught up with Hayden in class, she sat down next to him and slipped a note across the table that read simply: "You're wearing a bra. And girl jeans." There was no question mark, either, no hint that she was unsure - just two very simple sentences that made their respective statements clear.

I sighed and pulled the pen out from my school bag, writing down on the note and passing it back. "Yes." The reply was short.

"Why?"

"It makes Lanny happy. She wants to start incorporating this stuff a bit more into everyday life."

"Are you going to start coming to school as girls? Have girl names? I don't know about that Hayden." She looked anxious as she passed the paper back and tapped her pencil on the table, looking up at the clock. So much was changing and she didn't know if she could keep up.

"I don't know. Lanny's just Lanny though. And I'm still Hayden. So I guess you shouldn't worry about that." I passed the note back and sighed. This was really getting to be too much. I added at the bottom of the page: "I wouldn't worry too much." I still hadn't agreed, after all…

"And what about you two together? Have you talked about it at all? What you both did on Thursday night?" She passed it back and sighed, adjusting the boy’s hoodie for him again with the subtle motion of her hand - what an amateur, it's like he'd never worn a bra before!

"I think we're dating. I kind of agreed to it. Or blurted it out. Or something. I don't know..." I sighed and zipped the jacket up half-way so it would stop doing that. Bras were so stupid... "Anyway, I'm trying to keep it on the DL if you don't mind."

"You two are dating?!" She emphasized that word on the paper before continuing. "Okay that's really really hot. I'm happy for you both! Ollie is going to flip though, you know how he is..." She crossed that out, though, just the last part - she didn't want to spoil it, and then handed the note back.

It wasn't like her handwriting was hard to read, even with the scratches through it. "I know. I haven't told him. I probably won't. This is all too stressful, too sudden, you know? I like that it's between us... but if you want to tell him or whatever, you can. Boyfriend rules and all."

"Are you going to go further? Than you did on Thursday? Further than Third base?" She was grinning when she wrote down the words and passed the note back, completely skipping away from the topic of her fairly closed-minded boyfriend.

"Dunno. I mean. Maybe. Isn't that weird? I mean, she's kind of my sister or whatever..." I wondered about the girl pronouns, but figured it was probably best left said. "Anyway, I think it'll be fine. She moves at my pace anyway." Which was slow. Very slow.

"Well if you do want to you can talk to me if you want - I know a bit about that stuff." Of course Hannah knew about anal sex; she spent most of her waking spare time online after all. She'd even convinced Oliver to try it with her before, but he freaked out when she asked him to pretend she was Benedict Cumberbatch and he was Tim Hiddleston.

"Yeah? I mean, I'm not really too put off by the sex thing as much as the with my sister thing. I don't know. It's still super weird. But God, Hannah... it's Lanny, and she's..." I smiled to myself, my cheeks a little red.
"She's beautiful." Hannah concurred. She didn't like the female pronoun bit, but she'd work with it for her little incest fantasy. She continued to write out quickly: "There's nothing wrong with it, and you've already been to third base. Think about how great that was because going all the way is so much better. I mean, you know that. But think about it with Lanny. You two are so close, right?"

"Right." Right. I wasn't sure what I was so worried about. Maybe because it was my first time... I shook my head and passed the paper back. The notes were a lot shorter the rest of the class period and I spent a lot of my time trying not to think too much about sex.

After class, Hannah went her own way and I met my sister at the edge of the building. I was leaning against the wall and I'd pulled my hair into pigtails - a harmless little gesture - and smiled at Hayden when she walked outside and looked at me.

"Hi you. How was class?"

"Fine," I said with a little worried smile. Her hair was in pigtails, which was, admittedly, pretty cute. But she could easily be mistaken as me, and considering our personalities, likely would. I felt my cheeks turn pink. "Um... your hair..."

"Oh, just something I was messing with when I was waiting for you. Want me to take it out? Or do yours the same? We're just going back to our dorm." The question had a lot of weight to it, really - if she said she wanted the same it confirmed her commitment, but if she said she wanted me to take mine out it meant she was having doubts.

"I..." I bit my lip and looked down at my feet. Not so many people knew us here anyway, right? And the way back to our dorms was mostly side-streets... "Alright... I mean... sure... if you can..." But Lanny was already hard at work putting up my hair.

In a few short minutes I'd done my sisters hair to match my own and I smiled and looked at her happily. "Gosh you're beautiful." I took her hand after that. It was odd for me to do so, but I wanted it to be a part of our new dynamic and it felt right to me.

It was a lot more difficult pretending to be Lanny when she was a very bubbly girl and I was perpetually blushing. I did my best not to think about it, but it was certainly hard. I wondered if Alex would have noticed the differences in us if we were still boys.

We made our way to the dorms, my hand in hers, and nobody really looked twice. And I mean, they might have thought they were drunk and seeing double if they did anyway. We got to the building and went inside. I decided very much that I liked holding hands.

"You were so good to me today, sis. I want to reward you..."

"Reward me?" I looked up at my sister as she pulled me into the house. I felt strange with my hair in pigtails, but there really wasn't much to be done. I mean, it wasn't strange in a bad way, but strange in an abnormal way. I sat down on the couch while Lanny left the room. Weird girl…

This morning I'd conjured a pretty girl in Hayden’s imagination, dressed all juvenile, a pretty sun-dress and bloomers with a diaper underneath. I had no doubt that she remembered the imagery, and when I emerged ten minutes later dressed as close to that as possible - complete with a pacifier dangling from one of Hayden’s outfits and very shy pink cheeks - I could see that she couldn't stop staring.

Oh... wow. I bit my lip and looked away from my very attractive sister. I tried to remember the boy who bossed me around when we were seven, but I just couldn't see that now. He was just so pretty...

"You look really nice, Lanny... like, really nice."

I beamed happy and wandered over to my sister, sitting down on her lap and making the diaper very apparent in doing so. Compliments were nice, but I wanted my sister to want to ravish me - wanted for her to lose control and just pin me down to the sofa.

I bit hard on my lip and ran my fingers up Lanny's side, along the bloomers that I'd bought years ago. How I'd kept all this stuff from my brother for so long was beyond me. She really was beautiful now, and the way the diaper crinkled...

"You're so cute, Lanny. Really..."

I bit my lip and smiled coyly, squirming a little. "I'm all yours, Hayden… your lil' diaper girl..." I really didn't know what to expect - I guess in my head I thought about my sister and wanting her to pin me to the wall and make me her little bitch... but this was Hayden. She'd never be so assertive.

I leaned up and kissed my sister in a way I typically kissed, very gentle, very serene. It matched her outfit quite well. Within a minute we were both lying on the sofa and my lips lavishing hers. I let my fingers play with the fabric of her outfit - my outfit - and listened to the gentle crinkling of the diaper.

I didn't really get the appeal of the diapers; the cuteness was definitely there, but there was more to it for my sister. Even the sound of the crinkling seemed to work for her (a fact I could feel through her jeans). I bit my lip and smiled coyly, looking up at her.

"Am I... cute? Do you 'fink...?" The childish talk was new to me, and I felt a little silly.

"Uhhuh... the most beautiful girl in the world..." I bit my lip and ran my fingers up her thigh. I'd never done anything like this, even when I pretended to be Lanny. It just wasn't very elegant, from my point of view. Maybe that's why Lanny had sex and I didn't.

I shivered a little bit and smiled, looking up at my sister with a coy little smile as she looked down at me with a definite look of lust. Lust for me. I liked that. I kept up my cutesy act and smiled, biting my lip as she ran her hand up my thigh.

"I... is my first time... you be gentle, 'wight?"

I felt a little worry creep into the wrinkles on my face and I bit my lip, looking down at Lanny with a weak smile. She wasn't thinking... it was just part of the scene...

"I really... um... want to take things slow, if that's okay..." Until I figured out what I wanted, really. And until I figured out what Alex meant…

"Uhhuh..." I smiled, making it look exceedingly grateful, and leaned up and kissed my sister’s lips. "Maybe you wan'... touch my deedee?" My cheeks flushed and I looked away, quickly shaking my head. "I mean you dun' gotta if you dun' wanna!" I was getting good at this silly little voice thing.
Gosh her voice was just... well, it was something. I wondered if I could sound like that. Wouldn't I have to if we were twins? We had to replicate each other perfectly! I put my hand against the crotch of her romper, my fingers moving just enough to hear the crinkling of the diaper and notice the arousal of my sister underneath.

The diapers themselves weren't a big turn on for me, but being underneath my sister was more important. The situation was a turn on, and her hand touching me even through the thick layers of padding was too. I bit my lip and let out the cutest little sigh and whimper and blushed a bit more, looking up at Hayden.

"Mmm... sis..."

I knew it was stupid. I mean, I had the perfect girlfriend, someone willing to dress the way she was dressed. But my stomach felt weird and I made myself sit up. Lanny looked at me curiously and I gave her a little smile. God, what was I doing?!

"Um... I don't know why I did that. I'm sorry..." I leaned in to kiss her again. Idiot...

I smiled coyly and crawled up onto my sister, pushing her onto her back with a little smile before sitting my crinkling bottom down on her jeans and squirming a little bit.

"Is otay..." I smiled and looked down into her eyes, naively grinding a little more. Maybe the innocent childish thing wasn't working for her?

"I don't know what's with me. I think I'm just bent out of shape. Today was weird, and I was pretty anxious all day because of the bra thing... Hannah noticed, you know. I wonder how many other people did..." I sighed and did my best to smile. "I'm so sorry I'm taking this out on you. You look beautiful."

"Hannah isn't here. Nobody is here but us. You and me, and you think I'm beautiful so don't think about anything else. Think about every fantasy you have about having a cute girlfriend in a diaper who loves you very much..." I leaned forward and put my hands on my sister’s chest, the palms of my hands resting on the slightly padded cups of her bra.

"I know, Lanny, I do..." I did my best to smile. She was so beautiful. God, even now, when I was acting like a butt, she was still wonderful and beautiful. So why did I feel like my stomach was in knots?

"I think something's wrong with me or something. Every fantasy, and..." And I still act like such a little coward. Did I really need drugs to be sexual or something? Fucking messed up...

I leaned down and kissed my sister’s lips softly, slowly, and sensually. She looked up at me as I did and I played with her hair. "You think so much, Hayden… you're always up in your head and if you jus' came down here every now and then... you'd see how beautiful life is." Another kiss came down on her lips and I smiled as pretty as I could manage. "I love you... and I want to be with you, and we share everything... so share this with me... share your desire. Share that lust in your eyes..."

We kissed for a while longer. I tried to listen, to stop staying in my head. But when you're spending like, 95% of your time kissing and touching and not at all talking, how are you supposed to stay out of your head?

In the end, I couldn’t do it.  I wanted to, so badly.  I wanted everything to fall into place.  I wanted it to be convenient.  But it wasn’t.  Everything Alex said kept rushing through my head.  I loved her.  So why was this so hard?

I wound up laying down on the sofa with my sister, cuddled into her arms. She wasn't feeling it and that was fine - we'd try again another time. For now we'd cuddle, and later on tonight we'd talk about the girl stuff and try to come up with a resolution.

"I do love you, Hayden…" She knew that though. She did. "I want you to know that we're going to work this out... we’ll figure it out together.  Whatever it takes… we’ll figure it out together." But what if ‘together’ was the problem?  What if the solution was to figure it out apart?  Would I really do whatever it takes?

---------------

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[YourFNF]

1 hour ago, Sophie ♥ said:

Boys can't have sex, Hannah. They don't have vaginas. Gosh."

They really need less reactionary friends at their school...

Hannah could be potentially worked on but Oliver...

Yeah throw the whole man out

[Sophie ♥]

Oliver is a simple boy, and I mean that in the most insulting way possible. XD

Mimi is just an idiot.  Or she likes to play one, anyway.  I have a sneaking suspicion a lot of it is an act because "boys like dumb girls" kinda thing.

It's fun writing flawed characters.  

[diaperpt]

19 hours ago, YourFNF said:

They really need less reactionary friends at their school...

Less reactionary? Friends of twins who have presented as guys, suddenly are presenting in female cloths, using what are 'normally considered' female pronouns, and they've

20 hours ago, Sophie ♥ said:

already been to third base.

I do agree that there's some powerful ignorance going on among some of their friends. "Boys can't have sex... because they don't have vaginas!" (I DID get a chuckle out of that!) But while their friends are certainly having some strong reactions, I'm not so sure they're being reactionary.  I guess it makes sense that IF they are going to pull this off, whichever 'this' might mean to each sibling, it would help to have more friends who are less reactive and just go with any behaviors. 

And regardless, I think we can all agree, Lanny and Hayden have some really F*&#ed up dynamics going on!! 

[Sophie ♥]

29.)

"I thought you wanted to date..." Lanny looked at the floor with a little fake smile. It had been two more weeks.  Two more visits to Marie’s house.  We had basically been living as girls at school for the better part of it, all but in name.  Hannah was handling things well, but Oliver had been giving us some distance.  He was just starting to come around.  Of course, Mimi was furious.  We still hadn’t had “the talk” with her.  All in all, things were falling into place.  Lanny was getting everything she wanted.  So why was this happening?  

"You're perfect for me, Hayden. Absolutely perfect."

"I don't really... understand why that's bad..." This wasn't like her to talk this way. Even the trips to Marie’s didn’t seem to be much fun anymore.  And she always asked about 'us'... was she having second thoughts?  Did she not want this anymore?

"Lanny, what's bugging you?"

"You're perfect... and that means I'm always going to see you that way. And when I'm not perfect, when I screw things up... I'm going to get this doubt in my head like..." I looked up at my sister with glossy eyes and an awkward smile. Hayden looked at me with a confused expression on her pretty face. "I think I only want to be with you because it's easier that way. But I don't think love is s'posed to be easy... is it?"

"I... I don't know. It's easy in movies..."

"I guess..."

"Yeah, and... and I don't know. I could be happy with you forever, I think. So what if it's easy? It feels nice. Comfortable."

"Safe?"

"Yeah, safe. Like I know I'm not gonna get hurt, you know?"

"Is that what you want?"

"To not be hurt? Don't be stupid, Lanny."

"You've always followed my lead, Hayden. It's our thing. It's our synergy. We share everything. We do everything. I love that we do..." I couldn't sit there anymore, so I stood up. I took my hand out of his and walked into the kitchen, though I didn't know what I was doing there.

"You still like Marie, don’t you? I know you do because the look you get in your eyes... you've been hiding it though."

My glare shot sideways, through the living room to the door at the end, where Marie was sleeping just behind it. I felt anxiety burn my lungs as I wondered if she'd heard anything, but I knew she hadn't. Her doors were pretty thick, anyway.

"I... what... what are you talking about? I don't like Marie. I want you."
"You want me because I'm an option and you already know I accept you and your..." I didn't say the word, though the color of his cheeks made it abundantly clear that he knew what I was talking about.

"I'm safe. I'm safe because I know and I accept it. Just like you're safe because you accept me and encourage me and..." It was such a fucking mess.

"But that's a good thing, Lanny! Comfort is a good thing, and safe is a good thing, and... and I don't know what you're so bent out of shape about!" It was our weekend away... what was happening? We were supposed to be happier here...

I came out of the kitchen and quickly climbed on top of my sister, pinning her down to the sofa and kissing her lips as softly and as tenderly as I could. I didn't kiss like that. Marie kissed like that. Marie had such a way with kissing. And I felt my twin melting into the sofa beneath me as I played with her hair the way Marie liked to do.

I trembled beneath Lanny, my fingertips shaking on the soft fabric of the couch. I'd gotten used to the spontaneity of our kisses, especially the past couple weeks, but this was different, this was... romantic? Lanny wasn't really a romantic girl. I sunk further into the couch and when her lips finally pulled away from mine I let out a tiny sigh, my cheeks red.

"Wow..."

I looked down at my sibling and then at the bedroom down and bit my lip, regretting every word of what I was saying. "I love you. I love you more than anybody else could ever love you because we're the same, Hayden..." There was a pause before I sighed. "We're only together because it's safe... because neither of us can stand to picture the idea of the other dating someone else. But if you date Marie... so little will change between us. I mean... besides... besides the obvious." Like the blowjobs.

"Why do you keep talking about her? And seriously, keep it down. I don't like Marie. She's just a friend. You're the one that had sex with her! I never did! Gosh, Lanny, just..." I tried to push her off me but she pinned my wrists down against the cushion. I lost my breathe.

"Because... because..." Why? Why? Why? Because... "Because we're only dating because it's safe..." And why else? Why else, Lanny? Because you can't stand to see her heartbroken so you're trying to push her away onto someone else? Is that it? No, because...

"Because you've never done anything for you, ever. You're so selfless and you deserve a win. And I want you to look me in the eye right now and tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you're not in love with her."

"I'm not in love with her..." But my eyes flinched, looking away from my sister and toward the couch. Fuck. "I'm the one that broke us up, you idiot! Why would I do that? Huh? Because I couldn't be with her anymore. It was sick and weird, and she's just... too high maintenance. Always butting in and thinking she knows best. She’s annoying."

"You broke us up because you didn't want her to be for us; you wanted for her to be for you. And I don't mean that you're selfish, because you're the least selfish person in the world. You knew she wanted something that wasn't all messed up and twisted in our synergy. You did it for her." Hayden had been struggling, but the wriggling stopped at those words for a moment.

"Just... stop it... stop..." I had tears on my cheeks and I looked away from Lanny. She took my chin in her hand and forced my hazy eyes up at her. She was smiling, but not the kind of smile I liked seeing: the kind that was worried. She got off me the next minute and walked straight into Marie's bedroom. Wait, what? Wait!

"WAIT!"

"Marie. Marie." I had to act very very quickly before my sister caught up. The girl stirred in her bed and half sat up.

"What?"

"Hayden needs to talk to you about her feelings. For you." I pushed past my sister on the way out and closed the door, leaving them both in the bedroom together.

Marie had a confused look on her face and she rubbed her eyes slowly, looking at Hayden. "Feelings?"

"Just our mutual desire to kill my sister!" I tugged at the doorknob until it swung open, nearly knocking me back into Marie's lap. I stumbled into the middle of the room and looked up at Lanny in the doorway. I ran up against her and tried to push my way out of the room, but Lanny wouldn't let me.

"Stop!"

Marie's word made us both freeze and we stood still at each other's sides.

"What is going on?" Her voice was stern, collected and calm in an eerie way - like she was talking to a pair of children. "The truth. Count to ten. Then answer at the same time. If your answer is different, I'll know you're both lying and you'll go through this again until I know the truth."

One. Fuck. Two. She hadn't done this in years. Three. Not since before we dated. Four. Not since the beginning of high school, really. Five. When we'd play tricks on her and she could never get the truth out of us. Six. And it always worked. Seven. And now Lanny was against me. Eight. And I knew what she'd say. Nine. But I couldn't lie. Ten.

"Hayden likes you."

And I was Hayden, even to her, as evidenced by the water still on my cheeks from earlier.

Maybe she didn't expect the answer, maybe she did, but she didn't give it away either way. She just looked at Lanny and then at Hayden and spoke very clearly.

"Lanny. Close the door."

I smiled at my sister and pulled the door closed behind me, leaving the two of them alone. It made my chest hurt and I had to unbutton my top as I sat down on the sofa and tried to stop the sound of waves in my ears. Hayden was mine. Hayden was mine. But it wasn't good for her...

---------------

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[YourFNF]

Fucking hell the drama on this

[diaperpt]

Drama with a capital D

Things are getting crazy crazier between the sibs. The cracks are getting wider.

[Sophie ♥]

30.)

This was stupid. How'd I get roped into this? I didn't like Marie. But I did. I knew I did. I tried not to, I tried really hard, but I knew I did...

"Hi..."

"Sit down, please."

"I... I'd rather..."

"Please," she repeated.

I sat down on the edge of her bed. I watched my fingers play with each other in my lap, my feet kicking at the floor. I didn't want this... not like this...

"I want you to be honest with me, Hayden, because this can be a really quick thing or a really drawn-out thing. It's going to last as long as it takes for you to be truthful with me. So if you want it to be quick, you can make it quick." The girl pulled herself into a sitting position and smiled at Hayden to show that she wasn't angry at him. "Tell me what you're thinking?"

I liked this about Marie. It was always one of my favorite things about her, a one of a kind thing. She cared what I was thinking. She asked. She liked hearing how I thought, how insane I was. Even Lanny didn't ask those questions...

"I'm thinking... that this is bad... and that... Lanny's stupid, and she... she probably made this worse, and... and I'm thinking I'm going to freak out or something, which I think... maybe... I'm doing pretty good at not doing..." But I wasn't. My fingers were shaking. Fucking Lanny. Fucking stupid Lanny...

"You're pretty calm for someone who just had her sister out her feelings to her best friend." Marie leveled praise where praise was due and she reached across and took one of the trembling hands, partly for comfort and partly to steady it.

"And what are you thinking about me, Hayden? This is a toy box; let’s empty it all out at once and figure out the toys we want once they're all on the floor, okay?"

I let her hold my hand. I didn't look at her, and the other one played with itself all alone, but at least I let her hold my hand.

"I think... I like you..." But maybe she wanted more. Was there more? "I like... how you make me feel all... warm and... and happy and stuff, and you never make me feel stupid for getting upset over little things. And... and I like you keeping me and Lanny from lying, and... I like... I like the way you play with my hair, and the way you always order dessert at restaurants, even if it’s to-go…"

Marie smiled sideways and sighed a little bit, squeezing the twins hand softly. "You broke up with me, Hayden. Remember?" She wasn't trying to refute the twin’s feelings; she just came across as though she were trying to remind Hayden what had happened, like he could have forgotten. "If you like me so much, do you think that's the best way to show it?"

"...I..." I bit my lip and took my hand back from Marie. I couldn't do this. I was good at a lot of things, but my breakup with Marie... I couldn't do that one. I shook my head and stood up off the bed, but before I could get too far, she took hold of my wrist and turned me around. My bangs covered my eyes.

"What?"

Lie. Lie and keep being a good person. Keep being a good friend...

"I wanted you... to myself..."

"You don't want anything to yourself, Hayden. You want to share everything with Lanny. Everything." It wasn't a criticism, but a statement of fact to put everything out in the open. "What makes me so special? I'm not special, Hayden. I'm just a girl. Just any girl."

I shook my head, tears pouring down my cheeks. She didn't expect that. She quickly hurried to her feet and wrapped me into a hug. I didn't hug her back, though. I started to cry, to really cry.

"I'm... I'm so selfish... I'm so horrible... I'm so sorry... so sorry... I never meant to hurt you, and I meant to tell you, and I couldn't... I just didn't know how... and I should never have told you, either... so selfish... so fucking..."

"You are the least selfish person I have ever met, Hayden. Shoot." As she held the boy she was almost laughing, though it wasn't in a hysterical lost in the moment sort of way - it was in the you-said-something-really-silly kind of way. "You do everything for that sister of yours. Everything! You're... you're... it's like you're just afraid to be yourself. Without her..."

I rubbed the tears off my cheeks on Marie's shoulder, only to have them replaced a second later. She took a step back from me, still holding my shoulders, and I looked up at her. She wasn't that much taller than me, but enough to make a difference.

"I... I just wanna..." I shook my head and Marie played with my hair. "I wanna be like Lanny..."

"Why?"

"...because..."

"Take you time. Find your answer." Marie ran her thumb up the twin’s cheek to wipe away the latest lane of tears and smiled weakly, not wanting to put on pressure. Hayden was so focused on being like Lanny... so afraid to be her own person...

I looked down at my feet, but Marie took my chin in her hand and had me look up at her the way Lanny had begun doing. I bit my lip and tried to think which of them came up with that.

"If I’m different to Lanny, people will be able to tell us apart.  And then Mom isn’t special anymore…"

As she played with Hayden's hair, she spoke softly into her ear:

"Your Mom would be so proud of you for being the beautiful girl you are right now, Hayden. But don't you think she’d want you to live your life for you? Do you think she dreamed about what the two of you might accomplish and become? She'll always be special because she made you. Both of you. Two beautiful sons, two beautiful daughters..."

I nodded my head, tears still pouring down my cheeks. I hugged her as tightly as I could. I didn't want her to let go...

"I know... and I know one day Lanny's gonna get a job without me, and our games have to end, and... and I know it'll come. I've known for years. But... but I'm not ready... I'm so sorry, but I'm just not ready, not yet..."

"Nobody ever thinks they're ready until long after they've already done it." Marie held Hayden as she shook softly and continued to fight her tears as best she could despite the futility of the effort. "It's time for you to stop being Lanny's shadow, and start being her sister. She needs you to be, because how else will she grow without you to show her how?"

"...we... we can't look alike...?" Even the mere thought hurt my chest. I thought I'd seize up and die right there. I clung tighter to Marie, my entire body trembling as she played with my hair. I could barely breathe...

"You can look however you'd like to, Hayden. But I think if you want to be able to feel okay with asking me on a date" - the girl hadn't implicitly said that, but Marie thought she'd put the card on the table - "then you're going to have to be okay with being different. With being you, and not Lanny's shadow."

I never really thought of myself in Lanny's shadow, but it was like she'd said. Safe. With her, I was safe. I was always safe with my sister, no matter what happened. But now, this was different. Why was this different? Because...

"Marie... you're... you're the kind of different I'm okay being..." And those words would be more powerful than anyone's "I love you" in history.

---------------

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[diaperpt]

1 hour ago, Sophie ♥ said:

"Marie... you're... you're the kind of different I'm okay being..."

Even in being different Hayden needs a model to follow! But maybe she'll learn from Marie and dare to step out from Lanny's shadow, decide who Hayden really is by themself and start loving themself as an individual as well as a twin!

Then again...

[YourFNF]

15 hours ago, Sophie ♥ said:

"Marie... you're... you're the kind of different I'm okay being..." And those words would be more powerful than anyone's "I love you" in history.

Damn Marie is really good. Like the way she cut through things.... I'm glad to finally see Hayden working on some stuff.

[Sophie ♥]

31.)

"Do you... even like me...?" That was the first thing on my mind, and I guess the rest just came out. "I don't understand. I just don't. Because. I'm scared. And I'm... I'm not sure what to because my chest hurts so bad and it never hurt like this before Mom, and she's really my only measure, and... and I just don't know why it hurts, and I don't know why it won't stop. And it keeps getting worse and worse, and I keep feeling sicker and sicker, and... and... and...." And I was already lightheaded. I swayed in the seat, working for air, my eyes pressed tightly closed.

"I liked the person you were the day you broke up with me. The one who didn't want to see me hurt by the games. The you who acted without synergy. The you who wanted something for yourself for one small tiny moment." Marie continued to hold Hayden and play with her hair. "I like the person you are now. Uncertain. But brave enough to allow the future, even if not to face it just yet."

"I wanna... be a girl..." She stopped playing with my hair for a moment, then continued. I kept my eyes closed. "I want to make Lanny happy, and... and things are changing. She's going to be so upset. She kept me safe for so long... I have to do the same..."

"She told you to tell me how you felt. She told you to be different. You can be a girl. Or a boy. Or whatever. But Lanny wants for you to be happy, doesn't she?"

She was right. But my chest wouldn’t stop hurting. My head was pounding with possibilities and I felt like I was on the edge of a panic attack. If Lanny wanted me to be different, why wouldn’t I just listen? That was when I realized…

"I...I want to be the same. Not completely, not everything, not you, not my job, and... and even if people can tell us apart, that... well, one day, that'll be okay too. But I want to be the same as her, not because I'm following in her shadow, but because... I just... I like it. I just like it, and it's what I want..."

"Then take what you want. Be what you want. As long as it's for you for the first time in your life, then there's no wrong answer." Marie kept playing with Hayden’s hair.  Maybe she would give the twins a haircut today, to shape it into something a little more feminine.

"I... I want to kiss you." I looked up at Marie nervously, who looked somewhere between surprised and nervous. "You... you would be okay with that? If I did? I just want to make sure you want it, too..."

"I've never kissed a girl before. You'll be my first." Her cheeks were actually a little pink as she spoke, which was unusual for Marie. The thing was... it was entirely in character for her, and it only drove forward the idea of her curiosity and desire to let this happen. And perhaps, just maybe, there was some part of her that pined for Hayden as Hayden pined for her.

It was a dumb thing to want, but at least it was a want nonetheless, and one of my own. So I put my hands on both sides of the girl's neck, pulling her into me, my fingers holding her in place as I passionately pressed my lips against hers, only twice, and pulled away. We were both blushing.

"It's... actually really weird without lip gloss now..."

"Top drawer of the vanity." Marie whispered, smiling, her cheeks very red as she looked into Hayden’s eyes. The twin looked back at her and then finally clicked that she meant for her to get it. "It was still very nice..."

"I thought so, too..." I climbed up from the bed and went over to the dresser, pulling out one of the little things of lip gloss and putting it on my lips. It was ironic; it was Marie who had taught me all this. I sat on the edge of her bed and she sat up to greet me.

It was Marie’s turn now to have her way. She pressed her lips to Hayden’s with the same level of passion, with no hesitation, with no childish doubt. As her lips parted, she spoke softly.

"No more games with my heart... please? Just you. I know it's going to be hard with you and Lanny... jus' don't mess with me, okay?"

"I... I never wanted to, Marie, I... I really didn't." She kissed me again and I blushed, biting my lip. "You wanted to... to date us both, and I thought that was the closest I'd ever get to having you, so... so I agreed. And it was stupid. I just, I really liked you..." Marie smiled back and kissed my forehead.

"But you did have me."

"Oh... um, no... not really."

"Huh?"

"...we never really..."

"We... we didn't?" Marie's cheeks were red and she suddenly felt very very shy about her body, which was admittedly a very dumb way to feel because nothing had actually changed. She felt self-conscious nonetheless. "I guess I'm glad... because that means we don't actually have a messy history. Speaking of..." Marie didn't want to ask, but she couldn't help it. "Does that mean you've only ever... been... with Lanny?"

"Well..." I bit my lip and looked at my feet. "I mean, I guess... if you want to get technical, we never did..." Sex wasn't really my strong suit. I wasn’t sure if oral counted as sex. "I... I don't wanna keep secrets or... or anything. Okay?"

"Okay. Anything you wish you want to tell me, then?" Hayden was blushing and Marie was smiling and it was all so surreal. Gosh it was surreal. Hayden was a girl now and that was fine, but... but Marie was now going to be dating a girl...

"I know you're adventurous, like, sexually, and I'm... well, I'm pretty much the opposite of that, you know?"

Marie laughed and nodded her head. "Yeah, Hayden, I know."

"Well..." I didn't want to tell her, not really, but Lanny would probably just blurt it out or something anyway! "I... um... I like weird things, too..."

"...you gave your sister a blowjob, Hayden." Marie wasn't judgmental though; she was just making a comparison. "What could possibly compare to that little gem?"

"You're kind of right, huh?" We were both sitting on the bed now, my hand in hers and my head on her shoulder. "I really never thought of it that way..." Maybe this wasn't so weird. But I didn't know how to phrase it. "Um... I can't really explain it, though... Lanny knows, because she kind of walked in on me or whatever, but... but I don't know how to explain it..."

"Then just tell me, and because you told me and I didn't have to find out by walking in on you, that makes me special." Marie had to be careful not to draw too many comparisons between her and Lanny, or to compete with the twin - if she started a contest like that, she knew she would lose.

"Okay, I guess... well..." Well... I like... I like dressing... no, that's not right. It's this kind of fetish... is it, though? Blah. Um... "Well... it's hard to... okay, it's like... wearing… no, acting like... no, it's more... about... ugh, this is so stupid... um..."

"You have five words." Marie held up one hand to show all the fingers and to give a visual cue to her instruction. "Nothing you can't say with five words is worth saying. So put it into five words and then you'll know what you told me was said in the best possible way you could ever have said it." Marie's little games were well-known to both the twins and usually always achieved results.

"Five?"

"Five."

"Only five?"

"Yes."

"...that's not possible."

"Try."

Five words. Okay. Bab- no. Um. I like to be tre- that's already five. I like acting like a- fuck. Um... I... no... um... I like to be a- no... I. I... I like. I like being. Being? Wrong word. Acting. No. Treated. I like being treated. Treated... young. Childish.

"I like being treated childishly." Perfect. Just vague enough to gauge a reaction!

"...I don't get it."

"You only gave me five words!!"

"So... like you want me to take you to get ice cream and buy you a dolly?" Despite the high potential for inaccuracy and embarrassment, Marie was very careful not to come across mocking in the rare case that she was more accurate than she thought. She looked the twin in the eyes and those same eyes actually flashed with a little spark of interest.

I felt my cheeks turn red and I could only hope it wasn't visible in the darkness of Marie's bedroom.

"I... I don't know... maybe... kind of... but... a little... more than that, but not all the time. Like, it's kind of like, a situational thing, like... like... like wearing your hair in a ponytail. Sometimes you do it, sometimes you don't..." Though Marie never wore ponytails. It was a terrible example. I was flustered.

"Tell me what you were doing when Lanny walked in on you?" That question would probably elicit a much more useable and functional response, especially over the babbling diatribe that the girl was spluttering through. Marie kissed her lips softly and rolled her eyes. "Come on. Out with it."

"I... um... don't remember..." I knew, at the very least, of what I was wearing. I think I was kicking the trunk back under my bed, actually. Or maybe that wasn't it. It was so long ago. "I guess we'll never know, oh well." I went to kiss her again, but she pushed my forehead away. Damn.

"No secrets, remember? I'll tell you something secret about me if you tell me like a good girl, okay?" ‘Like a good girl’ was an experimental phrase, something like trying out a ponytail as Hayden had put it. It seemed to make Hayden blush.

"You first...?" Marie gave me a serious look and I bit my lip. "It might help, is all, if you go first. I just mean. You're kind of beautiful and stuff, and I'm just blah. So really, I have much more to lose." She pushed me gently and I smiled up at her, kissing her cheek. "Please?"

"Fine." Marie sighed and shook her head.  Sometimes handling Hayden was a lot like dealing with a child anyway.

---------------

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[diaperpt]

16 hours ago, Sophie ♥ said:

Sometimes handling Hayden was a lot like dealing with a child anyway.

Yes.

[Sophie ♥]

32.)

Marie blushed a little bit and sat down on the bed, putting her feet up, clad in pink socks. Marie always wore socks - she had poor circulation, or so she told any of her friends, and she felt the cold a lot. So she wore socks. Now, though, she pulled one of her socks off. Her feet were very pretty as far as feet went, and the nails of her toes were painted a baby blue, with a delicate silver toe-ring around one of her littler toes with matching pastel-color gems. All in all, it was almost an anachronism, because Marie was a very low maintenance girl.

"I like to make my feet look really nice... because.... because I think sometimes when they're pretty... that... that girls feet can be really nice..." And now Marie's cheeks were pinker than Hayden’s.

"That's super weird. But it totally doesn't beat mine." All in all, it did help. I knew it did, and Marie knew it did, despite the poor choice of comment. She didn't take it personally, though - she would have been more put off if I was pandering.

"Okay, so, when I say childish, I mean, like... I dress up like... a little girl... and stuff. Well, that's not fair, because it was a little boy before Lanny told me about all this."

With scarlet cheeks, Marie pulled her sock back on over her foot as she listened to Hayden, and then for good measure she put her legs under the covers self-consciously.

"So like... little girl dresses and plastic jewelry from Claire's and butterfly clips and stuff? Stuff like that? That's not weirder than mine. I mean. Not that it's a contest..."

"It is so a contest, and yes it is!"

"Not really..."

"You're-" I bit my lip and lowered my tone, looking at the door where, about an hour ago, Lanny had left us alone. She'd be asleep by now, probably on the couch, waiting for me. I turned my attention to my own bare feet, unpainted and unpretty. "You're thinking too old..."

"...Claire's is too old? If you're too young for Claire's, chances are you can't walk ye—"The penny dropped and the girls eyes went wide. "Oh. OH! Oh. Ooooh. Oh. So. Oh..." There were clearly a lot of phases of understanding there, though it wasn't entirely certain if she had a positive or a negative outlook on it after all of that.

"Okay, look! It's not... it's not weird! Or...! Or..!" I was already standing up, pacing around the room, my cheeks burning red and avoiding eye contact with the girl I wanted so badly to call my girlfriend. "It's... it's just... clothes. Normal clothes. Just. A different age range. It's like a style. Like hoop skirts, or legwarmers. Nothing serious. At least it's not polished toenails! Though yours are kind of cute, and like, I wouldn't mind you doing that too… but that's not the point!"

"Sit." Marie pointed to the spot next to her on the bed, and it was the only thing she said until Hayden obeyed. Once she did, Marie frowned and rolled her eyes, motioning Hayden to turn so her feet were in Marie's lap.

"...okay, there's some potential here." She nodded with a little smile and reached over to her bed-side drew, ferreting around for her manicure set as she finally started to address the issue at hand properly. "So tell me some of the things you like to wear."

It was weird sitting with my feet in someone else's lap. I'd never had my toes painted before, and I'd certainly never had them carved at with whatever the hell she was carving at them with! It felt very strange...

"I... I don't know... I mean... you probably... I don't know..."

"Come on. I'm sharing my... thing with you. Share. No secrets." Actually, it was probably a pretty good time to do so, because Marie was become pretty fascinated with the twin’s toes as she worked to try and salvage toe-nails neglected for a quarter of a life-time. Gosh, did Hayden even moisturize?!

"This is stupid... yours is cutesy and kind of typical. I mean, not the liking feet thing, but the nice painted toes thing." I pouted and crossed my arms, looking down at my chest. It was aching, a little uncomfortable, and I was hoping it wouldn't get any worse. "Mine's not even important..."

"Typical, huh? You see nice painted toes and make it cutesy in your head. And right now I picture you in a onesie and pigtails and it's cutesy in my head. But I mean... there's more to it, right? There is for me. I…" Her cheeks were darkening as she spoke, but Marie was trying her best not to choke on her words.

"There's a very good chance I'll want to suck on your toes once I'm done with them. And that's not cutesy, is it? You probably think it's weird, or gross. But I trust you like me enough that you won't see it that way. That maybe you'll want to understand it... and I guess... that's how I want you to think of me? So tell me."

I bit my lip and looked down at my hands in my lap, playing idly. She was right. She really was...

"Sucking on my toes... doesn't sound so bad, you know..."

"Yeah?"

"I'm ticklish, though, so..." It was a couple minutes silence while she painted my toenails. I wasn't sure how to word it. I knew she'd accept me, but the words... the words were hard... "Lanny... um... she walked in on me in a... a romper, like... with the overall straps... and a... a pacifier, and a diaper..."

"See? Yours stays cutesy all the way home." Her words were supportive, though they came after a little pause to consider the variables - thankfully, she was carefully painting the girl’s toenails so she was able to mask the pause in that.

"So you like to wear diapers and dress like a baby? Was that so hard?" There were a lot of questions she had, though: an awful lot. "How long have you been doing it?"

"Since, um, maybe I was... fifteen. A year after my mom..." Marie nodded her head and I looked down at my feet. "I never told Lanny, for years. And she never told me about her wearing girl's clothes. We were so close, and still had all these private things. So when we found out, when she walked in on me, we... decided not to hide it anymore."

"That's super sweet. See? You've had differences all along - they're not so scary, right?" She was about finished with one of the girl’s feet so she switched over to the other, her cheeks a little pink at the sight of the finished one - it was very very pretty; a little toe-ring and week of moisturizer and... well.

"Is it a sexual thing?"

"Um... sometimes. I mean, it wasn't very often until Lanny. She kind of... I don't know. I think she liked getting me all vulnerable or something. So now I... I really like it. I mean, when it gets that way. But at the same time, I love it when it's not, either. Sometimes I just like acting all childish, I guess, and sometimes it's... it's really... you know..." Wow, some adult I was, can't even say sexy.

"It's like that for me too. Sometimes I think about the stuff I like... like... art, or something. You know? Usually it's like that. But sometimes I think it's really sexy too." Marie was clearly not enjoying discussing her own fetish, but she knew it was helping Hayden. "Is it just a Hayden thing? Or do you like to see others dressing that way, too? Like Lanny? Or... maybe me?"

"Oh..." I bit my lip, looking up at Marie in surprise. "I... well, honestly, I never really thought of it. I mean, Lanny has used my pacifiers before, and she even dressed up with—" I stopped myself and quickly turned away. "I'm not sure I'm supposed to tell you any of that... um, anyway, I think, maybe, to a degree, it's..." Say it. "sexy... on other people, too. I think..."

Marie smiled a that and then looked away from the twin’s foot in her lap to meet her gaze. It was time for one of those questions. "So... diapers. I mean. Do you... I mean. Like a baby would? How's that work. I'm not going to judge, I just want to know is all. I mean. If you want to tell me." It was almost endearing to have Marie so flustered.

"I... uhh..." I wasn't sure I'd ever been so red in my entire life. But she was taking it in stride. I could, too. My chest wasn't hurting as badly as I thought it would, anyway…

"I only did it twice. Once when I was younger, but it wasn't very... uh... nice. And then again more recently, with... um... Lanny. That time was... uh... nicer..."

"It's kinda funny, because it's like... most girls get wet when they get turned on. But you get turned on because you're wet." That finished up both feet and she pursed her lips, slipping out from under the girl after very gently setting both of her feet down on a pillow. "Don't let them touch each other. Or anything." She went over to her vanity and opened the little drawer inside the top drawer, where she kept her toe rings. In for a penny...

"Wow... uh... that's kind of a humiliating way to phrase it..." Marie looked a little apologetic and I shook my head. "No, it's okay. It's kind of true. But like I said, it only happened those two times, so... I don't think it'll be a habit or whatever..."

"That's a shame." She found what she had in mind and came back, sitting down on the bed and sliding it expertly onto the pinky toe on the girl’s left foot, smiling at the aesthetic, and then fastened an anklet around her right ankle which dangled with an assortment of little delicate charms. The jewelry made a very big difference, though she didn't figure Hayden would ever notice it.

"I mean. If you liked it the last time you did it, I don't see why you wouldn't want to do it more. Describe a situation... involving... us. Like a fantasy. With that in it. Go on."

"Jesus, Marie, I don't know!" I was a little loud, though, and I looked to the door expectantly. Lanny was a heavy sleeper, and there were no noises outside the door. I felt my cheeks turn pink and I looked down at my foot. "It's pretty…"

"They're both pretty. You never wear two anklets or two toe-rings. I mean. You can. But you'd wear a ring on each foot. But still not two anklets. It doesn't look as nice..." Her voice had a dull-tone to it, inflectionless, like they were words she'd only ever said in her head and never out loud. Immediately she blushed.

"You have really pretty feet. I… anyway. I mean. Talk to me about this stuff, okay? When you feel okay about it. Your stuff. I'm sorry if I'm too pushy about it."

"No, you're not, I just... I don't know. It's never really been... I never wanted anyone to know before Lanny found out. And now, I wanted you to know, but I don't have any... fantasies or whatever..." I leaned forward and ran my fingers along the charms.

"Well, we'll work on that." She smiled playfully and sat back on the bed next to Hayden, putting her feet down between the twins and pulling off both of her socks. "Pretty feetsies!" It wasn't much, but she figured maybe the childish choice of words would appeal to the girl.

I felt my cheeks turn warm and I looked down at our feet together. I thought, maybe, it was smart to ask the same of her...

"Marie... would... I mean, do you like... um... other people, you know, sucking your toes and stuff... like you asked about if I liked other people dressed up?"

"I..." Marie, conversely, didn't even have a twin to walk in on her little fixation, so this was all a first for her. "I think about it a lot. I mean. Like. I keep my feet pretty too so maybe it won't be so gross to people, you know. And I always wear socks. Always. So maybe. I don't know. Yes. Yes I think about it. Yes I've thought about it since I told you. Yes it's been more than once..."

"Okay, so, at least our weird little fetish things are pretty much the same, but yours are like, feet, and mine are like, playing house. That's not... too bad... right?" Marie and I exchanged an awkward look. "I think... I think this is good... us... and I'd like to be your girlfriend, if that's okay."

"I think I'd like that." She put one hand in the girl’s hair and brushed it back behind her ear. "God you're cute. I bet you look even cuter in pigtails, too." Seeing Marie like this - open, vulnerable, caring on a level beyond just trying to keep the peace - was unusual since the break up.

I bit my lip and kissed hers, then her cheek, and then her neck, and then stared at her with blushing cheeks.

"Thank you for... for caring about me. And now... now I have a favor to ask, if that's okay... and in return, I'll, uh, give you a favor, too, whatever you want!"

"Sounds fair..." She was coy but curious and wore a little smile on her lips as she looked the twin in the eye. She hadn't seen Hayden with such a spark in her eyes since... well... maybe since ever. Hayden always just fell in line with Lanny, but things seemed different now.

---------------

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[diaperpt]

6 hours ago, Sophie ♥ said:

And now... now I have a favor to ask, if that's okay... and in return, I'll, uh, give you a favor, too, whatever you want!"

Oh that quid pro quo! My imagination is starting to churn and suspicion is developing!

[YourFNF]

This was super cute!

 I wonder if we'll see Marie padded? *giggles*

[Sophie ♥]

33.)

Lanny tumbled off the couch as I grabbed her wrist and dragged her across the carpet.

"OHMIGOD WHAT IS GOING ON!"

"Hush up." I pulled her into Marie's room where she was waiting with the scissors and her and I both helped my sister into the vanity chair.

"Hold still, Lanny." Marie snipped her scissors in the air and sprayed some water onto Lanny’s head.

"What?! You're not cutting—"

"I didn't ask your opinion." Maybe it was because I'd never talked back to her before, but Lanny quickly shut up and Marie went to work.

Marie continued to cut my hair and I frowned as I looked in the mirror, very nervous.  The expression I wore reminded me a lot of Hayden, with fear in my eyes and my lip between my teeth.

"You can’t just… we have to be the same…"

"Like you can’t just go around telling people I have feelings for them?  Like you can’t just break up with your girlfriend without talking to her, and then go putting all that pressure on someone else?" Words aside, I don’t think I’d ever sounded so angry at Lanny in my life.  We didn’t really fight.  But she really screwed up.

"I’m sorry, I… I didn’t mean…" Tears started to fill my eyes.  I cried so rarely that I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do about it.  Should I wipe them away?  But when I tried to hang my head, Marie tilted it back up and snipped away a part of my hair.  I watched it fall onto my shoulder in the mirror.  Maybe she hated me now.  Maybe she didn’t want to be the same anymore…

"I’ll be a boy if you want… please don’t be different…"

Anger was never an emotion I was very good at.  I took a deep breath and sighed, smiling down at my sister. "It’s okay.  We aren’t going to be different.  Marie’s going to cut my hair too, so we look the same."

"And it’ll be a girl’s style," Marie added.

I blinked in surprise, looking at both of them through the mirror.  What…?

"But what you did was really awful, and you should feel bad about it," I said, trying to keep the momentum going.  Unfortunately, I’d lost all the fire.  Lanny’s eyes took the wind out of my sails. "Just… talk to me next time…"

"Sometimes you’re hard to talk to about your feelings," I laughed a little, wiping my tears away.  Another snippet of hair fell onto my shoulders and I felt myself tense with anxiety.  Long hair = girly, right?  But by the time Marie was done, it would actually look a lot more feminine.

"Well try anyway. I want to be the same." I’d start wearing socks like Marie did too, so the feet thing wouldn't be a dead giveaway between my sister and I. I could have the best of both worlds, my individuality and my synergistic sister.

"Okay... okay!" I smiled as little bits of my hair fell to the floor and Marie snipped away. "So how did things go? What time is it?"

"I regret to inform you that I have stolen your girlfriend, Lanny."

"Oh. Drat." I rolled my eyes as an initial response, but my stomach churned and my chest hurt. This was really happening... I mean. It was right and all! But... but... Hayden was... was mine, and... why did this have to be so hard?

I knew she wasn't happy. I knew I'd have to mitigate that somehow, but I wasn't sure what the answer would be, yet. I wondered if... if maybe I should just let Marie deal with it. She was so good at things like this. But it was a sisterly thing. So when both our haircuts were done and we were identical again, with the exception of my painted toes, I excused myself from Marie's room. Lanny was standing in the bathroom, looking in the mirror, and I stood far behind her.

"Lanny..."

"I'm really proud of you." It was a sincere statement, though it was dressed in the manner of a parent telling her child that she was proud of them for turning themselves in for a crime - that is to say, my tone was bittersweet. My emotions were bittersweet. My chest hurt just a little more than I wanted, but it was okay. I'd be okay. It would be okay.

"Lanny, I... I really wanna... wanna try to be more of me. You want that too, right? That's why you told Marie...?" She nodded and I looked at the ground. "I never thought I could, not since mom died, and... and today was just... it was such a step forward. I'm scared, really. I have... a life now. A real life, not just your life. And we're girls. Real girls, and starting Monday, girls forever. And none of that scares me. What scares me is... being my own person... and wondering if that person makes Mom proud..."

"I think Mom would be more proud of you now than ever before. I think..." I tried not to choke, I really tried! "I wanted to protect you and keep you safe... and... and that way any bad choices were my fault. I promised her I'd keep you safe. When we were... when we were six. I promised, cause I'm older. And I wanted to keep that promise. But I can't now... and that's okay because... because I don't think you need me to. I think maybe even... for a while... you've been keeping me safe..."

"I think... what we had... what we tried to have... was... probably just... something unnecessary. I think that... dating or... kissing or any of that was supposed to bring us closer together, something to link us when everything else was changing. But I don't wanna be linked by kisses and stuff, Lanny. I don't think I ever did. I was so scared of losing you, because I was afraid you wouldn’t hold me tight enough, but I can hold on too. I wanna be linked by better things, stronger things... and maybe, if you still kind of find it cute, we can dress up like little girls and cuddle on the couch on weekends..."

"I think I'd like that..." I turned away from the mirror and leaned against the basin, biting my lip as I looked at my sister. "It can be our... making up for lost time as little girls time. We missed out on being girls at one of the best times to be girls. Does Marie know? About our little kid stuff?"

"She knows... she has her own things too, so I guess we sort of balance out. I don't think the things I do with her are going to be like what I did with you, though. She's curious, and you know Marie, always so interested, but... I don't know, she's slower. Less assertive, more calculated." We both nodded at the same time and I smiled.

"Lanny... I feel like... I feel like it's more than just me that's free - you're free too, of always needing to keep your shadow in my reach. We'll always be twins, always have our synergy. But now we can be real people, too..."

"I know..." It was going to be difficult to adjust. Things had been this way for so long, ever since Mom died, and even becoming a girl hadn't changed anything about that nearly so much as today would. But there was something else, something I wanted to say, something I needed to, something I was afraid to.

"I think... I think maybe... I might. I mean... maybe I... I might have a small crush anyway..."

"You have a crush? Like on a person, not like, an anime character or something?" Wow. Lanny had a crush. I didn't think Lanny would ever have a crush. And then I thought... "Lanny I swear to God if you're crushing on Marie I will kill you! I mean it! Seriously, it took me forever!"

"His name is Carson." Four words. Four words that would have changed a whole lot more than anything so far, if today hadn't already happened the way it had. Well, really only the first word changed things. His. His name. His name is Carson. His, which when used in a possessive pronoun form implied a boy.

"I... I don't know any Carsons..." I didn't like this. Marie we'd known since we were like, 10. But Carson? Carson. Random boy from random place fucking my sister. I felt my body heat rise and I crossed my arms. "I don't like him."

"Oh Hayden."

"No! Find someone else! Someone I know!"

"He's in one of my classes and he wears eyeliner and his hair just does this... this thing! And... and when started coming to classes as a girl he sat down next to me even though we'd never talked before and he said that sometimes people are assholes and he couldn't stamp out all the assholes in the world, but for ninety minutes a day he could protect me from them." My cheeks were a little pink and I shrugged my shoulders. I looked down at my feet and then at my sister’s, smiling curiously.

"He sounds like a butt."

"Hayden."

"A BUTT! A stupid butt!" But he sounded nice. A nice boy who would take my sister away. Maybe I could just pretend to be Lanny and, like, break them up. Or throw something at him. Or kick him in the penis! IN THE PENIS!!!

"Well. You have a girlfriend now! One who's really good with cutting hair and apparently at painting toenails too because wow." My eyes couldn't help but catch my sister’s feet when I was looking down at mine and I looked back up into her eyes. "We could like. All go shopping at Hot Topic. Or double date. Think of the potential!"

"I... I don't wanna double date!" I crossed my arms and looked down at the floor. But I knew I was being unfair. Lanny wrapped her arms around me, holding me close. I let out a little sigh and hugged her back.

"We could make believe," I said in Hayden’s ear, "and we could switch places when we go to the bathroom and stuff."

But when the hug ended, I played with the hem of my top. "Actually... Lanny... I... I really think that... that maybe Mom... wouldn't mind sharing with Marie... being able to tell us apart..."

There was the sort of uneasy and elongated silence that was usually a sign of something very bad hanging in the air. It took quite some time for me to actually manage a few words.

"...you think so...?" Hayden nodded without a pause and I nodded as well, looking back down at her feet. "Maybe..."

"She wouldn't get it right away like Mom always could... she wouldn't... but... but I've spent so much... time in my life... so much of my life, trying to make it so Mom was... special. And it's been really hard, and... and I think I've made a lot of bad decisions because of it. So maybe... this is... okay?” I shook my head and took a step back, wiping my cheeks before Lanny saw any tears. "Nevermind... I'm not thinking clearly. I'm tired... sweet dreams, Lanny..."

I pushed my sister against the wall very gently, putting my hands on her hips and pressing my forehead to hers, though we didn't kiss. We wouldn't anymore, not like we had been. Just like sisters; that would be okay.

"Mom is special. Mom is so special. But she doesn't need our help to be special, Hayden. Nothing we can do can make her any more or any less special because she's already so... so... transcendental. She'll always love us. And I think she'd be really proud of us today. Well. Of you... you've grown more in two hours than I have in five years..."

"You're a girl, you dummy," I said with tears on my cheeks. I brushed them away with the back of my hand and rested my forehead against my sisters. "And you're looking for boyfriends and not being dressing up in your room anymore. And we can cuddle with pacifiers on the sofa and we both have people we like. I... I don't know, Lanny, but... but maybe this is... how we be happy. How we be happy together."

"I think so too..." It was weird how things could turn out. There are days you wake up and go to sleep and it's like that day might not even have happened and nothing would be different, and then there were days like today where the course of two lives could so suddenly change direction in the space of hours. And maybe life can be condensed like that, compressed and distilled down into a series of a dozen or less pivotal days that provide momentum and direction, like bursts of a spaceship’s engines that give you the push you need to coast until the next.

"I love you, Lanny," I said with a little smile, and wrapped my hand in hers.

I'd lay with her that night, but rarely a night at Marie's after. I'd learn to spend time with my girlfriend without my sister. My sister would learn to spend time without me. And Marie understood sometimes that just didn't work out, and we all watched TV together, and she'd paint my toenails and I'd suck my pacifiers. I wasn't sure when our next pivotal moment would be, but until then, between this one and the next, for once in my life I was really enjoying the ride.

[End]

---------------

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[diaperpt]

Love, Love, Love!

So great that Hayden actually came through and decided to be herself, not totally defined by Lannie.

[Sophie ♥]

On 8/8/2021 at 9:35 PM, diaperpt said:

Love, Love, Love!

So great that Hayden actually came through and decided to be herself, not totally defined by Lannie.

I'm glad you liked it. I love seeing endings where characters really grow to understand their problems and try to solve them, even if it doesn't show the "whole picture" kinda thing.  The character growth is really what matters.  And though I'm sure Lanny and Hayden will both have a lot of troubles on the horizon, I think this is a nice wrap up to their big problems!