I Wrote A Song

[shadows]

hey every one i have been on here in a while but just was stopping by i thought id share a song i wrote and see what you all think. i thought it came out pretty well its the first time ive even tried to write a song. ive been extremely depressed about a breakup with my girlfriend so i decided to put it to good use and make a song hope you all like it i call it Im Lost. oh and dont worry about hurting my feeling with your criticism or anything if you want people options you should be ready for the good and the bad and you cant get better if you dont know what your doing wrong.

As I lay alone in my bed

I think of the time gone by

The memories

The feelings

Where did it all go?

When did it all start?

What went wrong?

I've lost it all

I've lost you and have lost my way

Help me I'm lost

I've been thrown into this nightmare from which there is no awakening

I watch you from this darkness

I reach out for you but your to far gone

You disappear from my view

And I am alone in this darkness

Where have you gone?

When did it all start?

What went wrong?

I've lost it all

I've lost you and have lost my way

Help me I'm lost

How can I go on without you?

Stuck alone in this darkness

Without your light to guide me

I wander through this darkness

Wondering where you are

Are you lost too or have you found a new path

When did it all start?

What went wrong?

I've lost it all

I've lost you and have lost my way

Will I be lost forever?

Please free me from this nightmare

Help me

Im lost

[diapercj]

Not that Im any guru or anything, but I liked it. It was touching, kind of funny how some of our most poetic moments are those when we feel upset. Good on you man, keep at it, I think you have talent.

CJ

[shadows]

Not that Im any guru or anything, but I liked it. It was touching, kind of funny how some of our most poetic moments are those when we feel upset. Good on you man, keep at it, I think you have talent.

CJ

thanks alot and your right lol its sad i always wanted to do a song for her but didnt think i could and it took losing her to realize i could. im planning on doing another one soon just have to wait for the words to come to me.

[Necare]

Well, since I cannot judge the tune that goes with the words, I`ll have to stick to the latter I guess. To be honest, I think it was a bit too direct and concrete for my liking, but that is just me. If you want to evolve the poetic spirit so to speak, I would learn to steer away from clichees, and put to good use the wonderful world of metaphors. Sorry to be the bringer of bad tidings, but as you said yourself, both good and bad criticism is important for learning. Hope my meager advice was of some help to you. Cheers!