Moving cross country/ advice for shy people

[Alex Bridges]

Hi all,

I’ve been toying with finding a new job, which may mean moving cross country. Most of my industry is concentrated in large cities, and I live in a mid-sized city. I may be able to work remotely, but eventually I know most employers are going to expect me to relocate.

I lived in in a bit city for four years, and I was bad at it. I do fine with urban life, but I missed my family and friends, and because I’m bad at making new friends, I just didn’t make any. I’m not great at putting myself out there. If I wasn’t at work, I was home alone, dining out alone, etc.

But I’m a little older, a little wiser, more confident, and I’m wondering if I can make it different and better this time. Being in a larger city would certainly help my dating life, and the ABDL scene would be bigger. I have more hobbies that can be shared now than I did then. I can see it working better, though I’d still struggle with being far from family, who are also my closest friends.

If you’ve struggled to make connections in a new city, what would your advice be as I consider my future?

[Little Baby Sammy]

I have the same problem.  Most jobs I would want are in larger cities and far away from where i currently live.  I have toyed with the idea of moving and getting a new job as well.  It is such a difficult decision.

As far as making connections, I always seem to make good connections with the folks I work with.  Then my connection circle seems to grow through them.  I tend to choose people I really hit it off with and then expand from there.  I prefer building deep connections with people, so it takes me quite a while to form connections and makes it really difficult to leave those.  My advice is to follow with what feels right and stay away from what does not.  I have taken massive leaps with a few people recently that have turned out to be great friends now.  At the time it just felt right to dive in.  So I say jump to get to know some people and then dive into the ones that feel good to you and build those connections.

As for the hobbies, it's a great way to start and dig deeper into conversations.  I have been told I have too many hobbies (which is very very true) but you should be able to more easily find groups with those hobbies you can met up with.  and who knows maybe those people will share your same other interests.

Wishing the best of luck to you in whatever you decide!

-baby sammy

[ValentinesStuff]

Find people with similar interests, book club, gaming group, sports bar, whatever.

[Wowpally]

I always found when moving your next door neighbor is a good start

[Crinklz Kat]

After 20 years at this address, I still only know 3 of my neighbors... and not really all that well.   There's a few folks in the area whom I met through work and call friends - some close, others not so much.  But, from some other forums I'm on, I know dozens of people across the country - many of whom I've met in person - and whom I consider friends. 

I don't really have a real world social life so to speak. 

[Safari Baby]

Smile be outgoing and practice mindfulness!  Usually your mind will play to your anxiety and fears of going out of your comfort zone.  If you can start changing that by recognizing when your mind is trying to do that example ... Invited to friends bbq you don't know anyone (would be a good place to meet new people) mind begins trying to talk you out of it by making excuses of how you don't know anyone or noone will talk with you... It's been all about overcoming that mindset for me personally and opening up to others and even when it feels uncomfortable giving it a go ?

[Evelyn Dellcerro]

Not all shy people are afraid of being in a crowd or speaking publicly and getting to know others. Many shy people have a low need for attatchment. For some shy people being alone gives them a boost of energy. For some shy people being in a crowd or large groups of people drains them physically. Take your time sweetie and get to know new people first and enjoy new sights and people will make you feel more comfortable. It won't be overnight for sure. I was always outgoing. But I do value my quiet alone time. I work early morning hours for that reason. I have 4 hours to prepare work for others and have days planned out. Just take it slow. In a big city you will see bigger crowds of AB and DL. Just slowly put yourself out there. Don't rush and miss out on life.