Sophie ♥ Posted January 5, 2021 Author Share Posted January 5, 2021 6 hours ago, YourFNF said: I love Marnie calmly breaks the situation down and defuses things. She really is good at this. Uh huh! Marnie's such a sweetie pie! Link to comment
Sophie ♥ Posted January 6, 2021 Author Share Posted January 6, 2021 Chapter Thirty-Nine Marnie cleaned up the pizza boxes and I laid down on the bed, looking up at the glow in the dark stars. I didn't want to be grown up today; I wanted to be Mommy's little girl. She could take all these worries away from me, as long as I let her. Night time rules. Kylie was really in a bad way, especially for her to be the one to request that. Marnie thumbed through ensembles in the closet, but decided pretty quickly on one of the new diapers she'd gotten for Kylie - with unicorns - a pair of stuffers to go inside, and a printed onesie with dinosaurs on it. I watched the lights dim around me and the little glowing stars began to shine. Mommy had a side-lamp on and could see what she was doing. I felt her hands on my waist, unbuttoning my jeans, and I lifted my bottom on instinct. She used to tell me to do that, but a few months together had changed my behaviors. "This is going to be extra thick tonight, because you're going to be sleeping in Mommy's bed with the crib rails attached. No need to get up for my little one." And Marnie knew a pretty universal truth - the further apart your legs were kept by a diaper, the further the bad thoughts were from mattering. I puffed out my cheeks, but I didn't argue with her. Cuddling Mommy in her bed, the railing put on the side to keep me in, and the promise of a thick diaper between my legs was already knocking me into Littlespace. She slid my jeans down my thighs and my panties with them. I felt a bit of heat on my cheeks. "You've become so good at this. You're a really good girl, Smylie, and Mommy's really proud of you. We're going to get you thickly padded, prettily powdered, happily sucking your binkie, and the whole world doesn't matter one little bit. Bum up." I felt a light tap on the outside of my thigh and my bottom lifted once more into the air without thinking. Basic conditioning. She always tapped me like that, and I always lifted my butt. When I set it back down a few seconds later, I was greeted with the soft padding of a diaper. Marnie didn't use stuffers a lot, because much of the point of the diaper was aesthetic and headspace - practicality came second to that, but tonight was going to be different. Tonight was complete and utter immersion. Two thick stuffers laid inside the diaper, and when she began to sprinkle the powder is resembled more a blizzard than a flurry. The room filled with the smell of baby powder and I felt myself melt into the bed. The diaper was pulled up between my legs and the sound of tapes being pulled echoed in the room. I didn't even try to close my legs - I knew it wouldn't be possible. El would get his time, as Eliot or as Ellie, but tonight had to be about Kylie. Marnie helped her sit up, and once she'd finished relieving her of any vestige of adult clothing or grown-up dignity, Marnie pulled the dinosaur onesie over her head and down her body. One hand pushed between her legs to pull the back of the onesie through and everything snapped together. Literally. Mommy sat me up and I looked at her with glossy eyes and blushy cheeks. Without trying, I could feel the thickness between my legs and under my bottom. The onesie squeezed me tight in a comforting way, pulling up on the diaper and holding it tight to my skin. I bit my lip and smiled. Everything was feeling a lot better. "Let's go lay in Mommy's bed. I'll put the rail on, you can be Mommy's Little Helper," Marnie said this mostly as a courtesy, and not really in any sort of negotiating way - indeed, she plucked Kylie up from the bed and set her against her hip like she weighed nothing at all, and then kissed her nose for good measure. I rested my cheek on Mommy's shoulder as she carried me into her bedroom. I had slept in here last night as well, but this was different. This wasn't in a fit of shame or anxiety. This was peaceful. She set me down on her bed and I immediately curled into the blankets, lying on my side and looking up at her. Even lying down, my knees couldn't fully touch, like I had an invisible pillow between my thighs. I blushed and slid my thumb into my mouth. I didn't often do that, but I had grown quite attached to pacifiers. Marnie kept the underpinnings of the rail fixture permanently under her mattress nowadays; it was hard to tell they were there and it meant that attaching the rails was just a set of pins and strangely comforting metallic clicks. Just like that. And her bed was surrounded on all four sides by fabric and metal tubing two feet tall - a nurturing little haven, cut off from the world - just the two of them. I looked up at Mommy through the thin fabric with blushing cheeks and sucked harder on my thumb. I always felt small in diapers, but this... this was different. I felt like an actual baby. An infant, almost. And just like an infant, I eagerly awaited Mommy to hold me. But she told me to hold tight and she would be right back. I whimpered a little, but she disappeared outside the bedroom door. I laid there quietly, looking up at the large walls. Easy to get out of, no doubt. It would hardly take any effort at all! But to me, it felt different. Not trapped. Safe. There was a chapter of night time rules that Eliot hadn't been made aware of, at least not yet. Marnie and Kylie had explored it together very recently, and tonight was just the kind of time for measures of that nature. Marnie came back from the living room with a familiar quilted blanket in pinks and blues, something she put over her lap for one reason alone: when it was time for breastfeeding Kylie. I looked nervously at the blanket and I felt my cheeks get hot. We had only done it twice, and it was a totally weird experience. Not that I didn't like it, but... Mommy clicked the rail down and climbed into bed before putting it back in place. I nervously took my thumb out of my mouth and spoke with a strangely small voice. "Mommy..." I whined. "Shh, Smylie, it's easy to forget who you are, Mommy is just going to remind you of a few things: like the fact you're my little girl, my nighttime princess, and nothing else is anywhere near as important. No fussing, okay?" Marnie settled down into position and began to unbutton her top. My relationship with Mommy wasn't sexual. She saw me naked. She wiped between my legs. I'd even showered with her once before. I just didn't see her that way. But this was the only exception. Her exposed breast so close to my face, as she pulled me across the blanket she put over her lap. Her nipple touching my bottom lip. Then the satisfaction of wrapping my lips around it. It filled my tummy with an unfamiliar warmth. Maybe because she was a woman, and I'd never been so close to one like this. Or maybe because the moment was so intimate, so personal, almost romantic. But as I nursed on Mommy's breast, a warm heat came over my cheeks and I shifted gently in her lap. It was definitely sexual. Not super sexual - not enough to cause trouble between us. But it was a moment I hoped I could share one day with another girl, who might put her hand between my legs as I suckled. Night time rules were important, because they delineated not just a set of expectations of what might transpire, but also a sort of boundary between the outside world and this world. The fear and anxiety and uncertainty versus the very simple joy of playing with another woman's hair as she drank milk from her ersatz mother’s bosom. Marnie sighed contently. "There's my good girl." Mommy didn't produce very much milk - she took special medicine to help for moments like this. But even a few drops was enough to spiral me into the deepest, most intense Littlespace. I nursed on one breast, until she deemed I was done, and she switched me to the other. I absently sucked, my mouth alight with the warm flavor of her milk, and not a single adult thought found its way into my head. It was a moment of quiet bliss. Marnie played her fingers through Kylie's hair and let herself close her eyes to enjoy the brief moment of shared connection. For Marnie, it wasn't sexual, and that was okay because it was fulfilling in a way she couldn't quite describe if anyone had the gall to ask. She felt important, like her actions mattered, like she could take a spiraling young woman and bring her back from the brink with something so natural and simple. When Mommy pulled her breast from my lips, my eyes were glossy and my face was red with embarrassment. Everything felt like it was moving in slow-motion, like I was underwater. She clipped something to my onesie and pushed a pacifier between my lips. I sucked instinctively without saying a word. "Close your eyes, Smylie, you're safe with Mommy." Marnie yawned, because even what little she could offer often felt exhausting, and Kylie was already curling up in her lap anyway. My head rested softly on her breast. She had buttoned her top up again and the world felt like it was spinning beneath me. No, not spinning. Swaying softly, like a cloud in a nighttime breeze. There was only one slight ounce of discomfort - I hadn't used the toilet since early that morning. Long ago, when Mommy and I first got together, I couldn't wet myself sitting on the toilet. But with enough practice, it became second nature. Then I learned to wet standing up. I would crawl up from the sofa in the middle of a movie, stand a moment, and lay back down. Now, all it took was a passing thought. Even lying down, with one leg on top of her and my diaper pressed to Mommy's thigh, I felt a sense of relief as the diaper warmed between my legs. This Kylie, this calm and serene Kylie, this girl who wouldn't be rattled if the world ended in that exact moment… this was who Marnie knew she could be, if she just stopped getting in her own dang way. But this level of serenity and peace couldn't be applied to the tumultuous happenings of the past few days, and no matter what Marnie did, she was pretty sure there was no way to grant Kylie this level of peace of mind forever. So just for a few hours? That was a win. ---------------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon! 5 Link to comment
Sophie ♥ Posted January 7, 2021 Author Share Posted January 7, 2021 Chapter Forty "Mommy...?" I didn't know how long it had been. A minute? An hour? I could still taste that milk on my tongue. My eyes were closed and everything felt so soft. "Hm?" I couldn't tell if she was sleepy or just quiet. "I think I like her... I think you were right..." "Tell Mommy what you like about her, angel." Marnie's words were sleepy sounding, but maybe by design; inoffensive, not intended to lead to deeper conversation, idle ponderances at best. "I dunno," I muttered quietly, so quiet that maybe she didn't hear me. "I just look at her and my tummy is filled with butterflies and I never want to look at anybody else..." It felt silly. I had known Ellie my whole life. Why now...? "That's a pretty nice feeling, isn't it? Even the warmest loveliest bath can be scary at first if you don't know what to expect, lovebug." Marnie played with Kylie's hair, twirling at the nape of her neck. I shook my head and pushed my face into her chest. Even the warmest, loveliest bath can be scary... "I dun want anything to change..." "Life isn't a series of fairy tales, sweetie... you don't close one book and open another, that's not what change is. It's more like a TV show that goes on and on and on, just as long as you're around. Maybe Ellie is an episode, or an arc, or a permanent cast member... but if she's not, or she is for a while, and then isn't... the show goes on, my lovely Smylie." Marnie opened her eyes and gently ran her fingers down the back of Kylie's thigh, cupping her diaper through the onesie and slipping two fingers into the leg band. "Besides... sometimes a change is a good thing, lovely." I looked at Mommy in the darkness and blushed. Maybe she was right... "I just... don't want to be left alone again..." Ellie was the only person who was always there, ever since middle school. What if I lost her too? "She's been in your life a long time, and she thinks you're the swellest girl in the whole world. I don't think she'll go anywhere, Smylie." There was a lull in our conversation. I cuddled close and I thought maybe Mommy had fallen asleep. Or maybe she thought I had fallen asleep. But I was just thinking. Apparently, so was she. "You said again." "...huh?" "You said 'left alone again'." "Oh..." "Tell Mommy a story about that? You're good at telling stories, Kylie." And framing it like that made it a) a request from an adult and b) entirely in Kylie’s control. A story... "Once upon a time, there was a girl. She wasn't a princess or anybody special. Just a peasant. And nobody wanted her. Not her mom or her dad or anybody. So her dad left and her mom was just mean a lot of the time..." I was talking quietly, more to myself than to Mommy. Maybe she had fallen asleep again. "Tell me more about that girl. Remember, Cinderella has a happy ending even if it doesn't seem so at the start." She had a point... "Well, the girl was always really lonely. She didn't have friends at school 'cause her dolls were raggedy and her shirts were too big. And she didn't have friends at home 'cause she lived a mile from the bus stop. Nobody went that far, not even for trick or treating." I took a minute to remember the next part of the story. "When she was twelve, the girl went to a party at a castle. A birthday party for a princess. No one really wanted her there, but the queen gave invitations to everyone in the princess's class. The peasant girl’s mom made her go, because that’s how you make friends." "No pumpkin coach, no glass slippers?" Marnie queried, following along to every word, monitoring for difficult emotional developments. I shook my head. The girl walked there. "The peasant girl thought she was going to ruin the party, but nobody really noticed her. There were a lot of people, so it's not that surprising. She tried to play some games, but nobody picked her for teams." Then I remembered something. "The princess had a brother. A prince. Who was very handsome and was famous for sword fighting. He noticed the peasant girl sitting all alone and asked her name. At first, the girl thought it was a joke or something, 'cause he was in high school. But he was very nice, and they talked for the rest of the party." "And then what happened, darling?" It was kind of a reversal, to be fair - usually Marnie would read the stories and Kylie would be the one hanging on her words, saying 'and then what happened!' "The girl asked if she could see the prince again, but the prince said no. They couldn't see each other 'cause the queen wouldn't like it. So the girl told him he could go to her house, 'cause her mom was never home anyway. He said okay, and the girl finally made a friend." My eyes felt heavy. So did my heart. "The prince came over a lot and said a lot of nice things to the peasant. He made her feel wanted, like she mattered. And he didn't want a lot in return - just time alone together. So they both got what they wanted, and everything was fine." "Tell me about the next chapter, Smylie." I shrugged my shoulders and closed my eyes. I could still see his face, if I thought about it. I didn't want to think about it. "The prince stopped coming over one day. It was a week or two before the girl gave up waiting and walked to his castle. She went up and knocked on the door and the princess answered, but the girl said she was looking for the prince. She went to get him. When he came downstairs and saw the peasant, he got angry. He told her to leave and he never wanted to see her again. The girl didn't understand, but she found out a few days later. The prince found a different girl - a better girl - and he didn't need her anymore." I rubbed my face into Mommy's shirt, wiping the tears off my cheeks. "The girl tried to tell her mom what happened, but her mom didn't believe her. So she never told anybody else. And she decided after that day that it's not worth being liked by anyone. Things change and they leave you all alone. So why should you even try? So she never tried again." ...but oddly enough... "One day, there was a different boy - a peasant boy. The girl didn't even try to keep him around... but he stayed anyway..." "And has he ever not stayed, even as you grew from a Peasant into a Princess?" Marnie wondered out loud. I laughed a little and shook my head. So much for Littlespace. I rolled off Marnie and wiped the tears off my face, closing my eyes tight to stop any more from showing up. "I don't want anything to change," I admitted. "I know it's selfish and awful... I know I'm selfish and awful. But I don't want him to be different. If he is, maybe he'll realize I'm not worth it..." "Do you know what I think, Kylie?" Marnie had been rather restrained, especially for her usual patterns, and it seemed like she was ready to finally share what was on her mind. Kylie rubbed her eyes and Marnie sat up straighter in the bed, taking a deep breath. "You've been through a lot of abandonment, and I think a part of you thinks you’re broken. And maybe the fact that Eliot sought you out, that he was to you and you were to your boy crush you had... you saw a kind of sameness there, a kinship? For once someone looked up to you, instead of you looking up to everyone else. Am I close?" I shrugged my shoulders, which was Kylie-speak for yes. Fresh tears appeared in my eyes and I tried to blink them away. "Every year I watch everyone around me become different people. I've fought so hard to keep things the same with him, like when we met in middle school. But it's getting so hard. Sometimes I try to leave, just so I can control the situation before it gets out of hand. So I can be alone on my terms. But I don't want to. I always find myself back with him. If I let things be different - if I let him be different - then I risk everything..." This was a tough one to untangle, to follow the strings, and come out the other side without making it worse. Marnie was pretty clever though, and she was determined to make it happen. You got this, Marnie. "El loves you." Keep it simple. "Like, love-loves. And it's because of that that he trusts you enough to try new things with you. That he's vulnerable with you, vulnerable for you. Things have been changing, and you two are only getting closer because of it. You and me both know that dumb beautiful boy princess doesn't play by the same rules as the rest of the world. Why would he fall in line with your fears, conform so easily? El's different. You know I’m right." She was right. I knew she was right. This wasn't a matter of not knowing the right thing - I had known for years. Things had to evolve. But I kept pushing back the due date. I kept postponing the inevitable. Now, the problem was on my doorstep, bigger and scarier than ever. And though I knew what was right, I also knew I couldn't do it. "It's like... I'm hanging off the edge of a cliff. And someone is right there, with their hand out, telling me that they'll catch me. But last time, they didn't catch me. And the time before that, they didn't catch me. And I know this time is going to be different. I know it, honestly. But I just... can't let go of the cliff." Maybe I really was broken... "Usually when you're afraid of something like that, the feeling might be awful, but it comes from a positive place. Like you said, you got hurt before and you don't want to be hurt again. Your process is 'did thing a, bad thing happened, avoid thing a.' When if you think about it, it wasn't 'doing thing a' that hurt you, it was someone else being a jerk. Thing a was fine all along, you just got unlucky - and honestly, you were a kid. You being afraid of history playing out the exact same way again is entirely predicated on the fact that you haven't grown at all. Pardon the irony, because I know you're in a diaper right now, but you're not a kid anymore, Kylie." I looked up at Marnie with a bit of surprise. The way she explained it made perfect sense. I had been struggling for half my life to figure out why I kept sabotaging myself, and she was able to lay it out right in front of me. She even did it in a way that didn't make me sound insane. She leaned over me and kissed my forehead and wiped the tears off my cheeks. "Let's get some sleep now, okay?" she whispered. "All these problems are tomorrow's business." I nodded my head. "Okay..." Maybe I couldn't let go of the cliff. But at least someone understood why I was still holding on. ---------------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon! 5 Link to comment
YourFNF Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 Just wow! This is some amazing character work! Link to comment
Sophie ♥ Posted January 8, 2021 Author Share Posted January 8, 2021 11 hours ago, YourFNF said: Just wow! This is some amazing character work! Thank you! And not even halfway through this story! Link to comment
Sophie ♥ Posted January 8, 2021 Author Share Posted January 8, 2021 Chapter Forty-One I missed talking to Kylie. When I was worked up about nothing (which admittedly wasn’t that often) she was the one I'd have gone to to talk about it. She would call me an idiot and give me some tough love, and then we'd both get on with our lives. Since that night, I didn't have her anymore; I actually wasn't even sure if we were still friends or not. The feelings that Marnie brought out in me sat on a back-burner with a slowly waning flame, and my life kind of fell into a sort of mid-teenager-level of stasis. Wake up. Entertain. Sleep. Wake up. Eat. Shower. Sleep. I didn't have much of a reason to leave the house, and while I was sure that Noland had noticed, he hadn't said anything. Past tense. "Soooo... I haven't seen Kylie around recently." Actually, Kylie didn't come around all that often, but Eliot would usually go out to see her. For days, he had been moping around the house. Not that Noland minded, but he had to worry about his friend. "Me neither." My tone of voice was never one to overshare emotional details, admittedly, but Noland knew me pretty well despite my chipper-neutral tone of voice. "You stayed at her place last weekend right?" It was a rhetorical question on Noland's part. He was leading into a bigger one. "Did you two have a fight or something?" I could have lied to him, and when it came to feelings I never saw the desire to keep secrets as a lie per se. But Noland was a pretty sleuthy boy and I didn't really feel like I had the energy to argue with him anyway. "I think things might be done with Kylie, I don't know.." "I'm not sure that's true. You guys have been friends since middle school." But though Noland was trying to downplay Eliot's catastrophizing, he also knew that there might be some truth to what he was saying. So something did happen. Noland took a seat across from Eliot at the table and set his phone down. "Fill me in?" "I don't think I want to, can this be one of those things where we don't talk about it and just pretend everything is fine?" "Hmm... no, I don't think so. This seems too important to ignore." Or rather, Noland had tried to ignore it for three days and things weren't getting any better. No, it was time for intervention. "So go ahead. Tell me what's up." "I just did something stupid, and she freaked out, and her friend Marnie kind of got in both our heads. I dunno. I told her she was selfish and she's pretty sensitive about that junk." "She is?" Noland never knew Kylie to be sensitive about anything. She was more of a "water off a duck's back" kind of person. But who was he to assume Eliot was wrong about his best friend? "If you did something wrong, why don't you just apologize? I bet she'd forgive you." But if the solution was that simple, he would have done it already. Eliot was very good at admitting fault. Maybe too good. Which made Noland think. "Wait, are you upset with her for something?" "I don't know," I answered, honestly. "Maybe I am? Maybe I'm afraid she's upset with me?" Maybe I was worried there was no right answer. "Can I know anything more about the situation?" Noland asked curiously. "I mean, I don't want to get into Kylie's business or whatever. But there's only so much I can offer if I don't know what we're talking about." "The panties stuff went a step further. Marnie had some ideas about me and I got out of my own way and let some stuff happen, and Ky's upset because she thinks I'm only doing it to get in her pants." No point wasting more of his time. "I'm not sure I'm following?" The panties stuff went a step further. Marnie had some ideas. Eliot sure had a way of saying a lot and still saying nothing at all. "Can you start at the start?" "I told you everything." I shrugged my shoulders. "I did the whole... dress like a chick thing? Kylie thinks I'm just a pervert." "Crossdressing is totally valid," Noland said without a hint of hesitation. "The idea that clothes are exclusive to one gender or the other is already total bullshit. Why? So they can up-charge women? They already get paid less." Noland coughed and reeled himself in from another one of his rants. "I mean... you can dress however you want. It doesn't make you a pervert, and Kylie needs to get over herself. Who is she to say how you get to dress?" "I dunno." And I didn't, because what the heck kind of preparation could I have had for a situation like this? "Marnie calls me Ellie. Kylie fricking hates it. And Kylie knows me pretty well, so if she thinks I'm being a degenerate, maybe she's right." Noland suddenly had the inclination that he was going about this the wrong way. Like, maybe he wasn't looking at it from the right angle. It was something Eliot said: Marnie calls me Ellie. This wasn't about crossdressing. "So, you're a girl with her? Marnie? Is that what Kylie doesn't like?" And that's why Kylie thought it was to get into her pants; because Kylie is a lesbian! Ah, the pieces were coming together for Noland. "I don't know." There was a lot I didn't know. "I guess?" Well, all this was news to Noland. He knew his roommate wore panties and painted his nails. He was sort of feminine, even though Noland didn't exactly subscribe to the concept of 'feminine' and 'masculine'. But that Eliot was a girl? Maybe he should have come to that conclusion sooner. But that would have been stereotyping. "You know gender is a choice, yeah? You can be whatever you want to be. You can be a guy or a girl or something else, or you can change it every day." "Right, but if I've made one choice, and making a different choice makes someone I care about miserable, and both choices are just as good as one another to me, I'm being kind of a jerk if I do it anyway." "Okay, look. It's not anyone else's fucking business if you're a guy or a girl. It sure as shit isn't Kylie's. And if she is going to stop being your friend because you discovered something important about yourself? Then fuck her! This isn't a decision you make for other people, El—" He paused. "El. You make this decision for you." "And if I don't know what I want? What then?" And this wasn't some fatalistic question, I legitimately needed to know. "Experiment?" Noland offered. "But just be honest with yourself. Stop worrying about Kylie and everyone else. Be you and... I think the rest will just happen. Find what feels right, and go with that." Noland smiled warmly at his friend and got up from the table. "Either way, no matter what you pick, I'll stand with you. I bet Kylie will too." "One day, Noland, I hope I'll have half the spine you do." I did manage a weak little smile though, and waved my hand. "Yeah yeah, I'll talk to her, or experiment, or whatever. You don't gotta worry about me." Noland laughed. "I don't have as much courage as you think. But there are just some things that aren't worth compromising on. Like how I love to cook. And how I prefer to have sex. And how much I love Jen. And my friends. So I'll probably keep worrying about you, even if you don't like it. 'Cause I'm not compromising on that." Noland was a pretty good friend - did he see me as being as much of a good friend to him? Maybe he was right though; maybe I needed to go talk to Kylie. To apologize to her, or have her apologize to me, or just go cry or something. ---------------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon! 3 Link to comment
Sophie ♥ Posted January 9, 2021 Author Share Posted January 9, 2021 Chapter Forty-Two I wanted to text him. I wanted to apologize. But every time I went to type something, it sounded stupid. Maybe he didn't want to talk to me? I didn't even blame him. I kept thinking he would send me a message - I checked my phone every ten minutes! Maybe if he did, I could tell him how sorry I was? But this wasn't his fault. I shouldn't expect him to fix it. I tried to go to his place a few times, but I couldn't bring myself to go up to the door. I would have a panic attack, call Marnie, and drive home under a raincloud of self-hate. I didn't know what I was going to do! Until there was a knock on my door. I thought it was Marnie - she came over a lot that week. I didn't want to stay at her place in case Eliot came looking for me, so she would stop by with food and cuddles. That's why I answered my door in pajamas, but I found Eliot on my doorstep instead. I thought if I saw him, I would know what to say. But I froze up. "Relax. I'm going to come in now?" I tried to show her my best little smile too, to be disarming; all stuff I'd read about online in how to handle confrontations. "Sure..." I stepped aside and let Eliot in. I hadn't showered in two days. I didn't have my hair brushed or any nice clothes on. Ugh, I didn't think he would come here... but he was here now. I closed the door behind him and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. About... at Marnie's. I didn't..." "I know, and I'm sorry that I didn't message you or anything. I had to figure some stuff out." And I still didn't know if I had, to be honest. "I wasn't fair to you," I said quietly, under my breath. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked down at my feet. This was harder than I thought it would be... "I didn't mean what I said. I... I want you to be happy, and... I don't... uh..." I sat down on her sofa and I took a deep breath while I waited for her to finish what she was saying. Give her time to speak. Make sure to listen. "You're legit the most special person in the world to me." "I know..." I closed my eyes and tried to steel myself. Why was this so hard? I knew everything I'd done wrong - I had reminded myself a thousand times over the past few days. "I'm scared... of things being different. I don't like change, you know that. And... and I lashed out at you, because things were new and weird and... and that's not any excuse for how I acted or what I said. I'm really sorry. I really didn't mean any of it..." "I literally called you the worst thing I could call you, so let's say we’re even and just agree that we adore each other." He did? What did he call me? I didn't even remember. But I wasn't about to throw away his generosity on the situation. I wanted all this to be over. "Okay. It's over and done with." Except, it wasn't. There was still something we had to talk about. I took a seat next to him on the sofa and looked down at my bare feet. I wished I had taken a shower this morning... "If you... if you really do want... you know. I'll support you. I promise. You're my best friend..." "I don't know what I want, which is why I was experimenting with Marnie. It’s why I had to try things and mess around and make mistakes and discover new things. And I want my favorite person in the whole wide world to be there for that." "Right..." That made sense. Ugh, did I have to ruin everything? There was a pause between us. What did this mean? Where did this leave us? Was everything back to normal? Was he going to be a girl at Marnie's now? I wasn't sure how I felt about that. But this wasn't about me. It took me a few moments to collect my thoughts, but with a breath I did my best. "Look... if you're not on board with it, that's fine, I can experiment on my own. But any day when you're not in it is a pretty lousy day." "No, that's... that's not what I meant." I bit my lip and looked out the window. I hadn't been outside in a few days. It looked nice out... "I just... want to help however I can." Even if it means dealing with some feelings I'd rather not deal with... "What're you thinking, Kylie? Legitimately, what's on your mind? No holds barred, nothing censored." Nothing censored. I might be romantically interested in you from the perspective that you might be a girl, or maybe that's just my little-girl feelings getting the better of me? No, I couldn't get into that. And I didn't want to influence his decision, either. If he was a girl, then... well, I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. "I just want you to figure things out. And I want to help. That's probably the guilt talking, because helping you be a different person is anathema to me. But... well, I want to help anyway. So..." "You know that I won't be a different person, right? I'm like..." I didn't even know an analogy that could explain it. "I'll still be El, is what I mean." "Right..." I knew what he meant: gender doesn't define a person. But that's not what I was talking about. I was allowing him room to grow. To explore. To 'experiment' or whatever. And that meant he would change too. Not his gender, but all of him. He would still be Eliot, he always would be. But he'd be a new one. Maybe one who didn't want me. I shook the thought away and forced a smile. "Well, I'll support you, even if you don't want to be El anymore." "We’ve been best friends for ten years, so you're probably going to be my anchor point; my rock if I ever can't figure out like... my values, or what's important, or anything like that. You're what I trust most, Ky." "That's probably not very healthy," I said with a smirk. But... well, his stupidity reassured me. Putting his faith in me wasn't the best choice, I was sure, but it certainly made me feel indispensable. It gave me some confidence. "Okay, so Experiment One. What do you want me to call you? Do you have preferred pronouns?" "I don't know, and I don't know." I nodded with all the confidence of an aquaphobic scuba diver. "It's an experiment, Eliot," I said sharply. Honestly, I sounded much more like myself. "You have to try things, so you can figure out what works and what doesn't. So pick, or I'll pick for you. And you don't want that." "Oh, I don't? You'll name me like one of your video game heroines? I'll be Vamplexican the Bloodlover's Bride?" I didn't know if I got that right, but she did have some wild names. "Probably," I said with a smile. "So do you want to take your chances, or are you going to pick?" Eliot never was good at making decisions. Then again, the stakes were high. Maybe he would surprise me. "Base it how I'm dressed, and how you perceive me. It'll help me to figure out what I like, how comfortable I am with what, and how my choices compare with what other people think. Eliot and He if you think I look like a boy, Ellie and She if you think I look like a girl." "Oh, uh... alright." That wouldn't get too confusing. Right? And it wasn't very different to the way we were doing it before. When he was at Marnie's, he was a girl. But that was always the only time he dressed like a girl. Sounded like things were getting back to normal. Speaking of... "Wanna go to the mall? I'm starving..." I'd have to shower first. "That sounds okay. Maybe we can go shopping for some stuff after eating? I came prepared..." I pulled gently at the neck hole of my baggy loose sweater to show her the bra strap hidden under my top. Jeeze, he was cute sometimes. "Sure, why not. But we're stopping at the game store too! I beat all the ones I have." I got up off the sofa and went to get ready. Maybe I didn't have as much to worry about as I thought. Maybe he wasn't even a girl! But I wasn't ever so lucky. ---------------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon! 5 Link to comment
Sophie ♥ Posted January 10, 2021 Author Share Posted January 10, 2021 Chapter Forty-Three "So, things are okay with you and Kylie?" Marnie leafed carefully through the racks of clothes. Ellie was in her twenties, but the juniors’ rack had such cute stuff! Maybe it was Marnie's bias... "Ummm... I don't know really, like, I think so? But she's so hard to read sometimes, and—" I lifted out a cute top that said something about coffee on it, and held it up to my chest. "Do 12 year old girls really worship coffee so much?" I put it back down, smirking to myself. "I think she doesn't know what to think of me." "Yeah, she..." Marnie paused and thought about everything Kylie had told her. That she had been so open and so vulnerable... without her Littlespace, Marnie wasn't sure that would have been possible. Either way, it wasn't her place to tell Ellie. "She's struggling with some stuff. I promise, it's not about you." ---------------- "So... how are things at home?" I played with the hangers on the rack, paying no attention to the shirts hanging off it. I hated clothes shopping at the best of times, and I never really knew what Eliot liked anyway. "I mean, you've been sort of a shut-in since Marnie's, right?" "Things are pretty normal, as far as normal gets at home. Noland keeps bringing home VHS tapes because his Dad cleans out storage units. I'd never even seen a VHS tape before, but he's got movies that I've never heard of and he just loves that nonsense." Our conversations felt awkward, which they almost never did. I didn't like it. "Fun, fun..." We had been in this store for ten minutes, and he hadn't found anything he liked. It was exhausting trying to keep up a conversation with him. Couldn't we just go back to normal? Couldn't we just reverse time? I picked a blue shirt off the rack - stupid expensive and way too soft - and held it up. "What about this one?" ---------------- "What about this one?" Marnie held up a black long-sleeved shirt with a swooping collar. Maybe the pink stamps of Hello Kitty were a bit much? They should probably be shopping in the women's section. "Oh I adore that. You notice that boys clothes never have prints like that? That ought to be reason enough for everybody to just jump ship, but we’ve got this whole masculinity problem we're all saddled with. It's simply awful!" I took the shirt and held it up to myself, swaying back and forth to pose. "Should I try it on?" "Absolutely!" Marnie said with a smile. "But I want to get you at least some adult clothes to try on too - it's not fair that everything you wear caters to my specific interests." Marnie took the Hello Kitty shirt from Ellie and draped it over her arm. "Let's head to the women's section." ---------------- "Maybe if we head to the women's section," I muttered under my breath. I had been watching him glance longingly for a few minutes now and I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. I shifted from one foot to the other and looked down at my feet. I'll wait outside. No, that's rude. I have to at least try, right? "Sure... I guess..." "You don't have to come if you don't want to, I know you're not really..." How did I say this? How did I word it? Hmm. I didn't want to offend her, and this felt like confrontation no matter how I did it. "Actually, maybe we could just look at shoes?" "No, no, it's fine, really!" And shoe shopping was just about the only thing worse than clothes shopping. "Come on, let's find something you like. It doesn't matter where you get it, right?" ---------------- "Where you shop is important," Marnie explained. "If you only get clothes from the juniors’ section, you might feel like it's just dress up. Or like you're just doing it for me. You have to find your own style, and that means branching out a bit. Right?" Marnie wondered idly if she would need a hand basket. Their quick shopping trip had lasted half an hour and she was carrying three shirts over her arm. "I feel like the juniors’ section is all super duper cute, but childish, and then the woman's section is all crazy mature like I'm forty, and there's nothing in between the two of them. Where's the 'I'm a cute young adult lady' section? Do they have that?" "I think you aren't looking in the right places," Marnie said with a smile. "Don't look at the blouses or the pants or any of that - check out the dresses or the skirts!" Marnie was actually quite proud of how well Ellie was handling today's trip. When she offered, she wasn't even sure Ellie would take her up on it. Plus, the fabrics at this store weren't really up to Ellie's qualifications... maybe those rules were less strict than she originally thought. "And you can mix and match too. Like... a skirt from the women's section with a shirt from the junior's? Or a cardigan from the junior's with a blouse from the women's? You know all about layering - I've seen your vests." ---------------- "All these clothes look like they're meant for forty-year old women," I said dryly, leaning against the wall. I'd given up on shopping, but Eliot was still looking for the 'perfect thing'. I didn't know how he did it... I could barely tolerate shopping for clothes online. "It's just a matter of perspective. I don't know, maybe that's just what girls wear?" Girls. I shouldn't have said girls. Kylie looked so uncomfortable. This was such a bad idea... I waited around another few minutes until he found something he liked. A dress shirt, with curled sleeves and a line of buttons. I didn't look very girly, I guess, but maybe that's what he was going for? I could say it's cute. Was that insulting? Cute, for a boy? Or handsome? Would that be too much? I'd never called anything handsome before. Maybe a neutral question... "Are you going to try that on?" ---------------- "Are you ready to try stuff on?" Marnie asked. Ellie had found two more shirts she liked and even a skirt! As much as Marnie longed to put her in dresses, she knew Ellie was taking things at her own pace. The best thing she could be was supportive. "I think so? Like I think I've got enough, although I worry about not having a proper bra to go with this - Caroline has been on my tush about how I need a different bra for every outfit, and I don't know squat about that." A different bra for every outfit. Marnie had to make sure she heard that right. If she had to count, Marnie only had three bras. Though her breasts were quite large... finding a bra in her size was always a chore. "Let me put it this way," Marnie said, "anyone who is close enough to see your bra probably doesn't care what it looks like. They'll be distracted by the rest of you." ---------------- I should have just waited outside, but Eliot needed to know if the shirt looked good on him. Like I would know? And he wasn't willing to come out of the dressing room in a woman's shirt. So I stood staring at my feet and tried my hardest not to stare at the adorable boy in nothing but pants and a bra. Jeeze... He pulled the blouse over his shoulders and started button it up. Unlike his fluffy sweater, this shirt showed every curve of the bra. The empty cups weren't that impressive, but he looked like he had boobs nonetheless. Small, cute boobs. "What do you think?" I pouted, looking at myself in the mirror with a bit of trepidation in my pose, partly because I didn't want to be here with Kylie and partly because I didn't know what was supposed to look good on me. "Yeah... I like it." I could only look at him for a few moments. Thoughts of last weekend swirled around in my head. His hair done cute. His lips close to mine. Our kiss. I felt a touch of color reach my cheeks and looked away. "It's very..." Cute? Handsome? "You." ---------------- "Oh my goodness, Ellie! You are so adorable!" Marnie's eyes were filled with stars, looking at the young girl in her button up shirt and pleated pink skirt. With a bit of hair spray, some lip gloss, and maybe a bit of contouring, she would look prettier than Kylie! Ahh, if only a diaper were forcing her thighs apart... "Okay, you are absolutely getting that outfit! And we need to stop at the make-up counter too, because you're depriving the world of your cuteness." "I don't know anything about makeup. Like I think I know nail polish, and lipgloss? But I'm like that little girl who's not allowed to wear makeup unless her Mommy does it, so I'm kind of out of my depth here!" Marnie smirked. Ellie was clearly feeding into Marnie's caregiver side, but she didn't mind. Somehow, Marnie and Ellie's relationship had developed a lot in the past few weeks. Marnie was even starting to suspect Ellie liked it a little bit, being her little girl. "Come on, Ellie." Marnie put her arm around her and held her close. "We've got a long road ahead of us." ---------------- "So, I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" I paused awkwardly by my car. Eliot was heading home after a long day of shopping. He didn't even buy anything, not even that one shirt he looked pretty good in. Maybe things would get easier... maybe this was a fluke. But a part of me knew that things had changed, and they couldn't go back to the way they were. ---------------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon! 6 Link to comment
YourFNF Posted January 10, 2021 Share Posted January 10, 2021 On 1/9/2021 at 10:52 AM, Sophie ♥ said: "Base it how I'm dressed, and how you perceive me. It'll help me to figure out what I like, how comfortable I am with what, and how my choices compare with what other people think. Eliot and He if you think I look like a boy, Ellie and She if you think I look like a girl." This is actually similar to how I started my transition 1 hour ago, Sophie ♥ said: Chapter Forty-Three "So, things are okay with you and Kylie?" Marnie leafed carefully through the racks of clothes. Ellie was in her twenties, but the juniors’ rack had such cute stuff! Maybe it was Marnie's bias... "Ummm... I don't know really, like, I think so? But she's so hard to read sometimes, and—" I lifted out a cute top that said something about coffee on it, and held it up to my chest. "Do 12 year old girls really worship coffee so much?" I put it back down, smirking to myself. "I think she doesn't know what to think of me." "Yeah, she..." Marnie paused and thought about everything Kylie had told her. That she had been so open and so vulnerable... without her Littlespace, Marnie wasn't sure that would have been possible. Either way, it wasn't her place to tell Ellie. "She's struggling with some stuff. I promise, it's not about you." ---------------- "So... how are things at ho Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon! Okay the perspective on this is both fascinating and confusing Link to comment
Sophie ♥ Posted January 11, 2021 Author Share Posted January 11, 2021 23 hours ago, YourFNF said: Okay the perspective on this is both fascinating and confusing I wanted to try to do that "dual parallel split screen storytelling" they do in movies. But in writing. Pudding said it wasn't possible. But I think we did pretty well. 2 Link to comment
diaperpt Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 On 12/9/2020 at 3:01 PM, Sophie ♥ said: Chapter Twenty-Five I've been somewhere else - just not here - for some time. I'm back now and slowly catching up. Normally I won't comment until I do get caught up, but I just had to! I think Chapter Twenty-Five is about my all time fav of your writing. You've caught me at least a couple times trying to see a character as trans and taking that away from you, the author. I've learned to read, sit back and let your characters develop themselves within the story. What I love the most about this chapter and the story as a whole (so far - up through Ch 25) stems from El being someone who early on I would have pegged as trans. Right now, I have no idea exactly how El identifies or will, both in gender and in Little Space. And most of all, I feel you've done a magnificent job in capturing the uncertainty, questioning, happiness yet lack of consistency in knowing one's self that so many of us go through to one extent or another. It isn't a perfect fit to me - which I've tried to force in other stories - but rather you've made El that person comfortable with a mix of male and female feelings as well as a mix of adult and little thoughts and yet not quite ready to reconcile it all in their own heart and mind. To a small extent my excitement in reading this chapter comes a tiny bit from personal growth on my part (as El experiences their own) and being comfortable enough in my own skin to allow others the necessary struggle to find their own comfort in the identity they will, I hope, settle on. Link to comment
Sophie ♥ Posted January 11, 2021 Author Share Posted January 11, 2021 Chapter Forty-Four "And that's how things were different..." I sighed, mulling over the cup of chai in front of me. The look on Marnie’s face had said a lot more than any words could have. I was having trouble with Kylie. The dichotomy was astounding. Dizzying, even. And I hadn't wanted to talk to her about it, but here we were. "What should I do...?" Marnie was my first and last hope. But I didn't know if even she could fix this. I just wanted my Kylie. Marnie sighed and took a sip of her tea. Things with Kylie were always complicated, but this was a whole other thing. This went a lot deeper than anxiety and fear. "Ellie, I... I have to ask something. I don't want to be rude, and I don't want to offend you. But do you really want to keep experimenting? Or are you just too scared to tell Kylie the results?" "I don't know." It was an honest answer, the kind of direct and simple answer that said much more than going into any detail would've done. "I don't know if this will help or not," Marnie said with a small smile, "but I think that's what Kylie is having trouble with. Not knowing. I think we both know how worried she is about losing you, but I think this in-between part is what scares her the most. She's not sure what to say or how to act. She's afraid anything she does will be wrong and you'll leave her." Obviously it was unfounded, but Kylie's reality was a result of her experience. She wasn't wrong, just because it wouldn't happen. "I'm not rushing you; I would never do that. I just want to... reassure you. If you're scared that Kylie will be upset that you're a girl, I think she'd be relieved." "Okay. Then I'm a girl." I felt like that should have been a heavier statement to be making, but maybe the fact it wasn't said volumes more in the end. I just said it. And it didn't end the world, and nobody came bursting out of the walls to say I was under arrest or anything like that. Marnie was kinda staring at me though, and I furrowed my brow. "What?" "Don't just say it because it will make things better with Kylie," Marnie said sternly. Though, if she were just saying it for Kylie, Ellie would say she was a boy. Maybe she was serious...? "I don't think it has anything to do with Kylie. I just think you're right, it's stupid being in this in between phase. If I was uncertain, it would have been more of a challenge to say it. But it wasn't, so?" Marnie looked at Ellie for a moment, maybe trying to figure out if this was a lapse in judgement. Or maybe she was drunk. But they had spent the whole day together and Marnie had seen her drunk before. Marnie took another sip of her tea and leaned back in the chair. So Ellie was a girl... "What now?" Marnie asked. "I think that's my question to be asking, isn't it? You're the girl, so now you're going to tell me what's next. I'm a stranger in a new land." I laughed. "Oh, no no no! That's not how this works!" Marnie laughed too and smiled around her teacup. "You can be a girl and still take your time. You don't have to pick a different name or dress differently or tell anyone until you're ready. Or never. You aren't less valid as a girl just because you keep it to yourself. The important thing is: you know." "Okay, but I know I like a particular shade of purple too, but it doesn't matter unless I show people. So... shouldn't I show people?" Honestly, the overwhelming new selection of attire was much more daunting! "That's up to you," Marnie said brightly. She knew Ellie wasn't the kind of girl who liked to make waves. She didn't want to choose her own path. If she were any dumber, Marnie would do it for her. It sounded fun! But this had to be Ellie's decision. The most Marnie could offer was, "I'll be here to help with whatever you need." "Okay. Tell Kylie." Marnie looked at me with stern maternal frown and as she was about to cross her arms, I put my hands up and burst out laughing. "Hey hey hey, easy! I was kidding. I was kidding. I'll... tell her, I guess." I did not want to tell her. "How about we do it together?" Marnie doubted that Kylie would react the same way she did before, but maybe it was best to have someone to mediate. This situation was... delicate. "Okay," I said. "Okay," I said, again, a little more sure of myself this time. I even added a nod of my head. Kylie was going to freak out, I just knew she was. My life around her lately had been so grey; like being forced to sleep on hotel bed sheets. Blah. * * * * * Marnie invited me over again that weekend, and she invited Eliot too. Things hadn't been getting better between us, and I wasn't sure what to do about that. I was trying my hardest, and I think he was trying too. But sometimes trying isn't enough. I knocked on Marnie's door that Saturday and she let me in. Maybe some Little Girl Time would help? Maybe I just needed to get out of my own head. "Hey Ky." I answered the door, dressed in about the same usual stuff I would typically wear; silk shirt, nice slacks, nothing over the top, nothing to make her uncomfortable. She looked relieved, to be honest. "Hey..." It was nice to see him. It had been a few days, and I was wondering if maybe I did something wrong when we were shopping. Maybe he didn't want to be my friend anymore? Maybe he wanted to leave me? But here we were, in the same room. I felt relieved. "Um, so... fun night planned?" I didn't care what rules Marnie put in place - I just wanted a bit of an escape from real life. "I think so. Marnie's got plans, but I actually wanted to have some one on one time with you before all that. Could we go to your room?" That entire sentence had been given to me to rehearse and memorize by Marnie. The rest was on me. And just like that, real life came to slap me in the face. I forced a smile and nodded my head. "Sure. Of course." The walk to my bedroom felt infinite. He hated me. I did something wrong. He didn't want to see me anymore. This stuff was stupid. The baby stuff. Diapers. How could I act like this? Wasn't I supposed to be cool? And I didn't respect him enough or appreciate him enough. And I ran to Marnie with my problems instead of him. No wonder he hated me. No wonder he was going to leave. My stomach twisted in knots and my chest started to ache. Hold it together, Ky. For him. He deserved better than me... "I'm a girl." I went through all the motions we'd rehearsed. Waited until we were in the room, left the door ajar, spoke with confidence and clarity, and blurted it out the moment my butt hit the sheets because I was nowhere near as composed as I thought I was. I nodded my head, holding my hands tight together in my lap. I waited for him to continue, but he didn't. Just those three words. Maybe he was waiting for me to say something? "Okay..." "That's it." I nodded, maybe wondering if she'd misheard me. But she was mostly quiet. "I’m not uncertain about it. It's not hard to say it. It just feels easy, so... yeah. Um. Marnie thought you might get mad actually... so I planned for that, but now I don't know what to say." "...mad?" He looked at me nervously. I looked at him nervously. We were both scared of each other... what the other would say, what the other would do. I didn't want to be scared of Eliot - he was my best friend! But he was the only person I'd ever given the power to hurt me. It felt... paralyzing. "I'm not mad," I told him honestly. "I... I just... want to help you be happy..." "I want you to accept me, because you wanna be a part of this, of me, of... " What had Marnie called it...? "this journey." This would have been so much easier if she'd just yelled at me like she usually did... "I want that too," I muttered, pushing my fingers together. I felt sick, like something was bubbling up in my chest. Either I would start yelling or I'd have a panic attack. I wasn't sure which, but it felt like an inevitability. My shoulders started to ache. "I do accept you; I was trying to show you that. I just suck at it." My fingertips were shaking. But I had to push through this. A few more minutes. "I know I suck at being decisive, and I realize that my warbling back and forth just made you feel like I didn't know what I wanted, and maybe like I was pandering to you? Or something? I don't know, it sounds smarter in my head." I let my hand creep into her lap and I held her hand, because that felt right. "What are you thinking?" "I don't know," I lied. I knew what I was thinking. Where did I fit in this new life of his? Hers? Was I still her best friend? Would she even want to be around me? I wasn't a girly girl. We didn't have a lot of shared interests. There was no reason for her to stay... I didn't want to go through this again. I couldn't. If she was going to leave me, I'd just leave her first! She wouldn't hurt me, I wouldn't let her! "I'm... I have to go..." I got up from the bed and let go of her hand. I left the room, but Marnie was waiting in the hall. I gave her a cursory glance and tried to walk past her. "Nope." Marnie stated simply, putting her arms around Kylie and pulling her into a hug. A long hug, the type where fingers played with hair, and faces buried - sometimes wetly - into chests. A vastly maternal action. A Marnie specialty. "I've been through this with you before. I know that look, I know that posture." I tried to fight her off for all of a second, but I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to fight. My arms clung to her and I felt sick to my stomach. Tears dripped down my cheeks and I pushed my face into her shoulder. I didn't want to leave. I didn't want anyone to leave... "You're safe and you're loved. And you're special. And nothing is changing." Marnie had given Ellie plenty of time to discuss this, and while she'd heard everything - and Ellie had actually done pretty okay! - this was now her time to shine. "I don't want you to take this big feeling into being little, okay honey? Would it be okay," asking permission was important, "for us to work on it a little bit?" I shook my head. Not with Eliot here. Not with Marnie. I just wanted it to go away. I just wanted it all to go away! I kept crying, louder and louder. What must Eliot be thinking? That him being a girl was terrible? That I hated it so much? I didn't hate it! I didn't even care! I should have talked to him. But I didn't want to! I didn't want him to know how I felt, how scared I was... and now I was ruining everything all over again. Why did I do this? Why did I always push people away? Marnie was a pretty good cuddler, but there was something she'd not been able to offer before, something maybe she couldn't have considered an option: quietly from the room, Ellie crept out, and she wrapped her arms around Kylie from behind, and the two of them squeezed and comforted Kylie, neither say anything, just waiting for the storm to pass. ---------------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon! 5 Link to comment
Sophie ♥ Posted January 11, 2021 Author Share Posted January 11, 2021 18 minutes ago, diaperpt said: I've been somewhere else - just not here - for some time. I'm back now and slowly catching up. Normally I won't comment until I do get caught up, but I just had to! I think Chapter Twenty-Five is about my all time fav of your writing. Thank you! ❤️ I definitely know what you mean about trying to sort of "see a person's story before it develops" and all that. I'm glad that El is one of the characters that causes you to feel that way. I think El's journey is complicated and, like you said, inconsistent, as so many lives often are. The trans or gender-fluid experience is littered with complications and inconsistencies. But also life itself is. I'm glad we can capture that kind of uncertainty in our writing. Hope you enjoy the rest of the story! Keep us posted! 2 Link to comment
YourFNF Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 Once again congrats to both girls!? Link to comment
Sophie ♥ Posted January 12, 2021 Author Share Posted January 12, 2021 Chapter Forty-Five It wasn't long before I approached my second stage of anxiety attacks: shame. I sat quietly on the sofa, looking down at my feet while Marnie and Eliot went to the kitchen. Ugh, how could I act like that? Eliot was trying to tell me something important and I ran out of the room? Then I cried for ten minutes. How fucked up can one person be? What could I do? What should I do? She was my best friend, right? So I sat on the edge of the sofa, beside her, and kicked my feet idly. Cutely, maybe, I don't even know. "I don't know how to be upset like a girl. I know how to mope and pout and pretend nothing is wrong, as a guy. But I don't know how to do it as a girl. There's a lot I don't know. Like you know, sneezing? Boys and girls sneeze differently. You don't think about it, but you notice it." "...I think a lot of that is sexist shit," I muttered under my breath. Then again, in a weird backwards way, he wasn't wrong. Being a girl didn't have a right way, but people thought it did. He probably thought it did... "You don't have to be different," I said without thinking. Then I thought better of it. "I mean, you don't have to... fit someone else's standards." "I think I've spent my whole life fitting someone else's standards. Or rebelling against them, too. But that's still letting someone else define me, in it's own messed up way, isn't it?" "Sort of..." My mind wandered from the conversation. The panic attack. Crying. Feeling stupid. I took a deep breath. "Listen, I—" "Kylie, I," We both spoke basically at once, and for the first time I think in my entire life, I felt confident enough to say my piece. "I love you. You're my best friend. You're literally my favorite person in the whole world. And every single possible way I imagine my tomorrows, you're in them. So please... stay in them, okay? And maybe be a part of my todays too?" I stared at Eliot with wide eyes. Then my surprise softened into a small smile. He sure was... unpredictable. "I love you too," I told him, probably for the first time in my life. Which was stupid, because he embodied everything about the word. I put my arm around him and pulled him close, putting his head on my shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm not going anywhere..." "Good, because I'm not going anywhere either. This whole life thing would be pretty boring and predictable if you weren't around, Kylie." Says the girl who used to be the boy. I didn't know what to tell him about what happened. About running out. About wanting to leave. But maybe it didn't matter if I told him or not. Wasn't the important part how it all turned out? Marnie came back in a few minutes later with her hands on her hips. "Feeling better?" "Mmhmm." "Then I think it's time to get the two of you dressed." "Oh yeah, we're going to be baby girls tonight, nighttime rules and all. In case you didn't know." I grinned at Kylie and shrugged my shoulders coyly, because apparently the one who was less embarrassed. It had only been a week since I stayed at Marnie's place, but it felt like a lifetime. She helped me up by the hands, onto my feet, and turned me toward the bedroom. Eliot went first, leading the way. I sighed. This part was always so awkward... "I wanna wear a dress tonight, like a princess." I asserted, sitting down on the edge of the bed once we got to the bedroom. I was pretty bad at talking about what I wanted, so this was good practice for me. "Of course, darling," Marnie said with a smile, heading straight for the closet. I sat down on the edge of the bed and sighed. It was ironic that Marnie seemed to find her ideal baby girl in my best friend. But hey, he would probably look pretty cute in a dress. Despite Eliot's jubilance - as forced as it was - I wasn't quite feeling it. I was exhausted from the anxiety and everything had a light static of awkwardness. But if anyone could pull me out of my funk, it was Marnie and her maternal instincts. "You're going to both look so cute. I think I can make you match, and maybe I'll get that camera screen out and we can take some pictures of my little twins? Mommy has wanted a framed photo for her bedroom wall for a while now, and you two are just so perfect." I rolled my eyes. Picture of us dressed up had rules, of course. I wondered if she went over those rules with Eliot. No diapers or pacifiers or anything like that if she wanted our faces in the picture. But Marnie was always good at framing a shot, and she was always honest about deleting pictures I didn't like. "That sounds fun," I admitted, although I didn't really know how to show enthusiasm as a girl, so that kind of playing it cool guy-talk was all I really had to work with. "Tonight, I'm going to dress you both up as Disney Princesses. Kylie sweetie you know which dresses we have, so could you help Mommy out and pick out the princesses?" "Uh..." That was a complicated question. A lot of my clothes here were pajamas, since I liked to stay the night. But Marnie liked to put me in dresses. One immediately came to mind: a pink gown that had a sheer skirt. It definitely had a princess vibe to it. The problem was, we didn't have a second one... "El could wear the pink one," I offered. "I'll just wear pajamas." I didn't need to play royalty. It was probably more symbolic for Eliot. "Oh, you want to be Ellie's handmaiden, is that it?" Marnie adapted to situations and tones very quickly, and she was very good on her feet. "Is that what you want, Smylie? To be Mommy's Little Helper tonight, and be your sisters handmaiden? I can arrange that, you know." But first she was going to get her two little charges padded, because there was far too much grown up angst in the room. I blinked. Handmaiden? I... I didn't want to wait on Eliot! I pouted a little and crossed my arms. Marnie fished out the pink dress I had mentioned and an over-the-shoulder apron with ruffles along the hem that tied in the back. With a bit of thought, I watched her pick a onesie with little stars all over it that matched the apron. This was kind of like a game of chicken, almost - Marnie would follow this path, and Kylie would remain stubborn. One of the two would blink and that would be that. It always was. She laid out the outfits, the pink dress, the apron with the onesie, a bonnet for the princess and Marnie was sure she had a maids headpiece in her room, too... hmm. Once she'd laid them out, she decided which diapers they'd be wearing - a handmaiden wouldn't be allowed changes as often, so hers would need to be thicker, right? I watched Marnie fuss about the room: clothes and onesies and diapers and hair ties and makeup. She took each piece effortlessly and put them one by one off to the side. She made a show of it. Dragging it out. I used to hate this part, but now... I felt a sinking feeling in my chest. A nice feeling. Even before she had done anything, I knew what was coming. None of the puzzle pieces were together, but I knew the picture. I bit my lip. Marnie would do Ellie first. She'd make a display of it, and she'd make sure that Kylie saw what she could have if only she asked. Then when it came time to get Kylie dressed, well, that little girl would have a choice to make. "Arms up, Ellie, let's get you outta those icky adult clothes." I lifted my arms and let her undress me, wondering when was the time I should feel self conscious about my chest. A boy’s chest. Or a flat-chested girl’s chest. Should I be insecure? Hmm.. Marnie took off Eliot's shirt, and then laid him back on the bed. I looked away, at the far wall, with a blush on my cheeks. I would never get used to my best friend having his diaper changed next to me, that was for sure! I smelled baby powder. I heard the tapes, then the faint crinkle of Marnie's characteristic diaper-pats. Whenever she finished, she always patted the front, just twice. I looked back at Eliot just as Marnie was pulling the beautiful pink dress down over his head, his diaper still on display. One of the pink ones, with crowns on it. I shuffled awkwardly in place. "There we go, Princess, I bet you're feeling better already, in your pretty dress, aren't you? I wonder where your handmaiden is ~ she really should be helping with your hair and makeup. I guess until she gets here, Mommy will just take care of it." My cheeks were red. Pink, really. To match my dress. Marnie's words had a wave-crashing quality to them, and they just kept coming. My gosh. Marnie flattened the dress over Eliot's diaper and started on his makeup next. The same things as before - mascara, blush, and sparkles that decorated his skin like a princess. I sat quietly, watching with a bit of awe. Like... like a magical girl transformation sequence, but in slow motion. "How do you feel, Princess?" Marnie asked, finishing up with Ellie’s hair - pulled into two tight little pigtails with ribbons. When she opened her mouth to respond, Marnie shook her head and reminded: "Lady Voice, like we practiced." Like we practiced? She made it sound like I'd prepared for this, and I hadn’t. I sure hadn't, but the fact I barely talked about a mumble probably made it less obvious of there being any difference anyway. "I feel nice..." I felt squeaky. Did I sound squeaky? I was trying... Marnie kissed Ellie on the forehead and I felt a pang of jealousy in my chest. Then she turned to me. I quickly looked away and stared down at my feet. Jeeze... ---------------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon! 5 Link to comment
diaperpt Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 On 1/8/2021 at 1:26 PM, Sophie ♥ said: On 1/8/2021 at 2:12 AM, YourFNF said: Just wow! This is some amazing character work! Thank you! And not even halfway through this story! OMG!! not even halfway through! I don't know if I can take it!! I can't stop reading, trying to catch up and see more of the development. Both Kylie and Ellie have been so very confused! Yes, YourFNF said it - amazing character work! El's confusion and uncertainty is so very realistic! What they will decide as to their identity is still way up in the air but mixed with El's feelings for Kylie and Kylie's feelings for... hmmm, is it El or Ellie... or does it matter? Kylie's emotions from her past mixing with fears for her future are so realistic! I'm kind of close to someone who is plagued in her relationships by her assumptions of what other people think and feel. Very close. So close it's like I am her... It isn't the same as what Kylie is putting herself through but it isn't all that different in that she's making assumptions about El and the future. And you're dealing with it sooooo realistically and so well! Link to comment
diaperpt Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 On 1/8/2021 at 2:10 PM, Sophie ♥ said: "You know gender is a choice, yeah? You can be whatever you want to be. You can be a guy or a girl or something else, or you can change it every day." "Right, but if I've made one choice, and making a different choice makes someone I care about miserable, and both choices are just as good as one another to me, I'm being kind of a jerk if I do it anyway." I disagree with this thought, but then I should talk to Noland and El(lie) about it. It's the characters not the authors saying this. Regardless, Noland is not just a great friend but incredibly insightful and helpful. Probably just as well that El(lie) didn't go into the whole Little issue, let alone toss in the diapers! And yet all of this is tangled up and has made things very complicated. Then, toss in what is clearly a confused mutual attraction... But Noland has hopefully set the stage for El(lie) to start looking at things with a little more clarity! Gotta say, I'm absolutely loving this story! Link to comment
Sophie ♥ Posted January 14, 2021 Author Share Posted January 14, 2021 On 1/12/2021 at 10:35 PM, diaperpt said: And you're dealing with it sooooo realistically and so well! Thank you soooo much! Our goal with this story was to write very real, relatable characters in a very real, relatable setting. So knowing that we are getting that across means a lot to us. ❤️ On 1/13/2021 at 3:35 PM, diaperpt said: I disagree with this thought Yeah Ellie is still... figuring things out. This is a perspective I think a lot of people have when they're dealing with these kinds of feelings. You might want something, but the idea of that 'want' upsetting other people is somehow more important. So I feel you. 1 Link to comment
Sophie ♥ Posted January 15, 2021 Author Share Posted January 15, 2021 Chapter Forty-Six This was make or break, it was time for a game of little girl chicken. "Well, Smylie, are you ready to have your transformation? Are you ready to be Ellie's Faithful Handmaiden? To tend to her every need, and spoil her, and solve all of her problems?" Marnie said this while running her fingers over a plain white diaper. Utilitarian compared to what Ellie had gotten. I opened my mouth to say something. Something about how I don't care. But Marnie held up that white diaper and I felt a weight in my stomach. I wanted something pretty... "I... um. I dunno. Maybe..." "Maybe? What's maybe, sweetie Smylie? Maybe you're ready to be Ellie's Handmaiden? Maybe..." She ran one finger through her little girl’s hair, and finished up by cupping her cheek, directing her gaze. "Maybe you made a mistake, and you actually want to be a princess too...?" She touched my hair and my cheek and I blushed in response. I looked up at her and managed to pull my gaze away. A princess... I shrugged my shoulders passively. "I guess..." "Oh, you guess? Well then, Princess Ellie, would you be so kind as to pick out a dress for your sister? Check the closet on the left hand side, baby girl." I blinked. Me? I didn't know anything about this stuff. But Marnie was pretty persuasive to say the least, and I felt myself nodding and patting over to the closet. A Princess. Well, I was a Princess, so something similar to what I was wearing. Gosh. My legs wouldn't close, which was extra embarrassing! Marnie took the plain white diaper and returned to the dresser. She put it back and pulled out one with unicorns instead. I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders and a smile pulled at my lips. Much better! "Arms up, Smylie." With a hint of reluctance, I raised my arms and let her strip me of my shirt. I kept my bra on, though! I really didn't want Eliot seeing my tits. "How's this one?" I picked pink for her too, but the dress I picked out for Kylie was much more elaborate than what I was wearing. This was a dress for tea parties, and royal engagements, and unbeknownst to me, Kylie had never even seen it, let alone worn it. Marnie looked conflicted for a moment, but rolled with it. "That's a very good choice, Ellie! Smylie, thank your sister, okay?" I didn't know what possessed me to do so, or even if I did it right, but I gripped the hem of my dress and did my best guess at a curtsey. ...totally not my style. Ugh, did he know me at all! Why did we even have a dress like that? Was it meant for Ellie? I puffed out my cheeks and crossed my arms in annoyance. "I'm not wearing that!" "Then you'll be a handmaiden?" Mommy asked. My silence was all the answer she needed. She took the dress from my sister and laid it down on the bed. "This is so stupid," I muttered under my breath. "This is adorable,” Marnie countered and motioned to the closet. "Ellie darling, this dress has some petticoats to go with it, they're hanging right by where you found it. A pink one and a white one, could you get those for me?" I nodded and waddled back to the closet. "You have got to be kidding me," I said with an ounce of annoyance. "You can always give up your royalty for the day," Mommy countered. Ugh, she was using this situation to her advantage and it so wasn't fair! "Lay down, Smylie." My top was already off, and my pants came next. I couldn't see Eliot, wherever he was, but I hoped he wasn't looking. It was weird enough we were in the same room - I didn't want him watching me get my diaper changed! "Thank you, Ellie." Marnie took the petticoats from me - I didn't know the difference between a skirt and a petticoat, only that these looked a lot floofier, so maybe that was it. I stood where I was, looking at Kylie, and Marnie reminded me of something very simple: "It's not nice to stare, Ellie, how about you go pick out a Princess movie? I've gotta get your sister diapered and dressed." Ellie walked out. I didn't hear it, but I could feel it. A shift in the room, toward the door, and down the hall. I was alone with Mommy. "I'm nervous," I muttered to her, as she pulled down my panties and unfolded the diaper in front of me. "She's really cute all dressed up..." "Yes she is, isn't she?" Marnie concurred, prompting the girl to lift up so she could slide the diaper beneath her butt. "And she's in a very unique stage of her life, where she's finding herself and she could really use a friendly little princess to help and show her the ropes, so to speak." I nodded in understanding. "I'll try..." But my mind wandered to last time. The kiss. I wasn't feeling Little when that happened, right? We were laying in bed together. So... so maybe if I stayed in Littlespace, I wouldn't get those weird feelings! Yeah, sensible deduction. Mommy poured baby powder between my legs and pulled up the diaper. With the sounds of tapes and two generous pats on the front, I was ready to be dressed. I sighed contentedly and let my Little feelings take me away. Getting Ellie ready had taken some time, but nothing compared to a very formal and elegant party dress designed implicitly for nobody to dress themselves in without help. But Marnie was up for the challenge, especially for her little girl. What that would functionally mean was that Ellie would be on her own for twenty minutes, but Marnie knew she'd understand. "I hate it," I pouted. Mommy had clipped a pacifier to the front of the dress, and somehow that was the least embarrassing part of it! It was stupid and pink and fluffy and I could hardly walk in it! I stomped my foot and crossed my arms. "Your sister picked it out. If you don't want her to dress you like that, sweetie, you can teach her what kind of dresses you do like, because she's new at this. But for tonight, this is what you're wearing so I don't wanna hear any pouting." I thought I might not fit out of the door frame, but Mommy made sure I did. Shame. Maybe if I didn't fit, I could change! But then Mommy would probably put me in the same dress in the hallway... When I came out into the living room, Ellie was waiting with a movie in her hands. She was so cute in her princess dress! And I looked like a newborn at her baptism. I looked away shyly. "Wowweeeee..." I began, with my eyes wide, but Marnie gave me a look and I zipped my lips, preferring instead to hold up the movie: The Emperor's New Groove. Marnie shot me another look. "What? It's a princess movie!!" "Nuh uh. There's no princess! It's gotta have a princess to be a princess movie." "Kuzco is a princess," I argued. I stared blankly at her, like she was crazy, and crossed my arms. Then I turned to Mommy and pulled on her sleeve. "Tell her it's not!" "Well, maybe you should pick a princess movie too, Smylie." That solved nothing, but she made it sound like it was a perfect solution. I puffed out my cheeks - almost half as puffy as the rest of me - and went to sit on the sofa beside Ellie. At first, my frustration was overwhelming. And then, as I realized we were only a foot or so apart, I looked shyly at my feet. "F-fine... we'll watch your movie, an' I'll show you it's not a princess movie..." "An' if I’m right, I should get a kiss 'cause princesses always get kisses at the end of the movie." I nodded. And the room went quiet. Had I said a bad thing? I looked at Ellie in surprise and I felt my cheeks getting hot. A... what? Mommy spoke up before things got any more awkward. "I think little girls should—" "F-fine! An... an if I win, then... then you gotta be my handmaiden for a whole year!" A year? Maybe that was too long? My mind wasn't in the right place. "Deal!" I blurted out, and crossed my arms, because that felt like the kind of childish thing to be doing. Marnie looked at the pair of us and took a really deep breath, but ultimately decided not to intervene. Mommy looked at me, then Ellie, and shrugged her shoulders. "Well, I'll make up some bottles then." I kicked my feet and balled my hands in my lap, avoiding eye contact with Ellie. A kiss? But she was so gonna lose. I'd seen that movie a dozen times - there aren't any princesses. Why did I ask for a kiss? I was just being bold and childish, right? Maybe I believed that. Maybe I wanted to believe that and knew better all the same, though. We'd kissed before. We hadn't talked about it because all of this unfurling chaos had started roughly with that moment of affection. Why did I rock the boat? Because I wanted to kiss Kylie. Obviously. Mommy came back with baby bottles: mine had chocolate milk and Ellie's had white. Mommy didn't usually keep white milk, so it was probably special for Ellie. She turned off the lights and started the movie. Then, awkwardly, she brought us both down on her thighs and put the bottles in our mouths. It was... strange. I'd been bottle-fed like this a dozen times! But I could feel Ellie's hair on mine, touching ever-so-slightly. It made my head cloudy... I tried to focus on the movie, because I had a point to make, but it wasn't really possible to talk with the bottle between my lips. I snuggled into Marnie's lap and sighed softly. My life had gotten so very unpredictable. ---------------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon! 4 Link to comment
Sophie ♥ Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 Chapter Forty-Seven The bottle was gone within half an hour, and I found myself sitting once again on the floor. As the movie went on, I grew more and more invested. That was normal. But what wasn't normal was... well, I was starting to see what Ellie was talking about. Kuzco wasn't a girl, but he was a ruler of a city. And he was a stubborn brat. But he learned lessons about friendship and trusting other people. It wasn't like Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, but it was like... Brave. That was a princess movie, kinda. Princess movie. Obviously. So obviously! I didn't wanna gush about it, to rub it in, because even under the most normal circumstances that wasn't the kind of person that I was. But I did shuffle down to the floor eventually and sit next to Kylie. The movie ended. I stared at the screen for a few minutes as the names rolled by, trying to think of what to do. But... well, I guess Ellie was right. I couldn't deny it. I turned and looked at Mommy, who hadn't moved to turn on the light yet. She was watching us with a smile. I sighed and turned to Ellie, filled half with irritation and the other half anxiety. She was so cute... "So dumb," I muttered, and puckered my lips. It was a baby kiss. Lips on lips and over in a few brief and short seconds. But it was like an eternity as well, like how I imagined it was to be electrocuted ~ an instant that lasts a forever. I was kissing Kylie. We'd done it before, yes, but this was soft and sweet and innocent and we both so clearly wanted it. Two little girls. "I'm gonna get a cookie," I muttered, stumbling to my feet. Mommy quickly got up and hurried after me. I stopped in the kitchen and hid my face in my hands. I felt like I was on fire. She was so cute and I didn't know what to do and then she kissed me, or I kissed her? And I didn't really understand! But it wasn't bad, it was just so warm and... and... "Kylie, hun?" I looked up at Mommy with a blush. "You okay?" I nodded. I was okay. I was just... feeling a lot of feelings. * * * * * Mommy had to rummage around my bedroom until she found what she was looking for - a set of old wooden trains she found online a few years back. I knew that before me there were other Littles in her life, but none of them seemed to stick. Some of this was probably hand-me-downs. She pulled the bucket into the living room and I sat up on my knees to get a better look. I'd never played with wooden trains before, not even when I was a kid. Mom thought they were too boyish. With a touch of curiosity and a whole lot of pent up spite, I picked out two pieces of track and went to work. Mommy put on a TV show in the background and went to the kitchen to make dinner. "Do you pretend to be the train or do you pretend to be the city planner?" I asked, plopping down on my butt next to Kylie as she pieced four or five pieces of track from one to the other, a serious look of focus on her face. Her lips pursed and pinched, and so lovely, and I'd kissed those lips gosh darn. "Oh um..." I took a moment to think about it. "The city planner, I guess. Do you wanna be the train? Or..." I looked around for another piece and handed it to Ellie. "Here, put this part there and start making a track. We're gonna meet up in the middle." "Oh! We can both be the city planner?" I wondered thoughtfully who would be the train, but I guessed in the grand scheme of things it didn't really matter because anybody could drive a train and we were much more important. Unfortunately, there weren't a lot of track pieces in the tub. After ten or fifteen minutes, I had finished my side, which was altogether poorly organized. I looked up at Ellie, in her cute princess dress, laying down track in a very different fashion; it looked a lot more like a city, while mine looked like a mountain path. Ellie would get up on her feet, walk over a few things so she didn't knock them down, and get back on her hands and knees again. When she bent over all the way, I could just barely see the crest of her diaper beneath the hem of her dress. A heat filled my cheeks and I tried not to think about how stupid I must look in my over-the-top baby dress. "Okay, ummm..." We each had four pieces of track left, and we had to make our way across half the living room. I tried to do the math in my head, but Ellie was better at it. She removed one of her spare track pieces, shuffled around a bit of her city, and started working her way over to me. "Um, mmm..." I kept standing up, and frowning, and scratching my head, then crawling back down on my hands and knees to put some more pieces down. And I'd have this look on my face, concentration mixed with intent and determination. I could make this work. "The people need to be able to get from the castle to the princess dress store, we gotta make sure it can connect." "Uh huh..." I was a bit lost in thought when Ellie tried to get my attention. I blinked a few times and looked up at her. "Put that one there, then do the curved one, and then do this one." "R-right..." I did what I was told, laying the tracks out to fit her imagination. "There!" When I put the last piece in, the wood matched up perfectly, no crookedness, no tension, no stress on the joints - like most things I did, it was prim and proper and perfect. And it was so satisfying! Kylie wasn't looking at it, though, she was looking at me and biting her lip. I tilted my head curiously. We met somewhere in the middle of the living room, only a few inches apart. I sat on my feet and she was on her knees, a bit taller than me. I played gently with the overly fluffy dress and looked down at the train tracks. "You, um... you wanna be that train there, an' I'll be this one, an' we can play?" Truth be told, I wanted to try out the bridge. "Uhhuh!" I was intent to see how many cars I could hook up to one train - the puzzled part of my mind was curious how strong the magnets really were, and I had all sorts of fun and curious experiments to run. Kylie was more subdued in her pretty dress, with her pretty lips and her pretty hair. She was demure. The poofy petticoats meant I couldn't sit in the middle of the city like Ellie could - I had to stay on the side with the TV so my dress didn't knock everything out of place. But the pigtails kept my hair out of my face and off the tracks. Honestly, pigtails just made sense when playing with toys. I was lying on my stomach, pushing the little train across the bridge, when I felt it. Just an inkling of a feeling that had been growing for the past hour or so. I knew Mommy wasn't letting me use the potty tonight, no matter how much I begged. And I was a little girl, right? Three months ago, I would never have been able to wet myself lying down. Nowadays, it was only a little bit of work. Often I would do it lying on the sofa, or even sometimes with my head in Mommy's lap. This wasn't any different - just with a cute girl in the room with me. But she wouldn't know. I felt the diaper between my thighs grow warm, thickening with each passing second. The heat spread down to the front of my diaper, which was new. I knew my cheeks were red with embarrassment, but they had been that way most of the night anyway. And when I was done, I felt a lot better, and certainly a lot Littler. "Come on, girls," Marnie called from the dining room. "Dinner time." ---------------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon! 5 Link to comment
YourFNF Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 These two are so damn cute XD Link to comment
diaperpt Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 What YourFNF said! And even though neither of them have things figured out in any rational sense, they kissed again. I love that Kylie wasn't even sure who kissed who! Link to comment
Sophie ♥ Posted January 19, 2021 Author Share Posted January 19, 2021 Chapter Forty-Eight Marnie was really good about me and food; she always made good choices and that meant it was easy for me to trust her judgments and allow her to take care of me. And I felt that maybe that made it easier for Kylie to be Little too, if I was more immersed in things. Or something like that. I sat at the table, next to Kylie, and held her hand under the tabletop, looking up at Marnie expectantly as she balanced two plates of food in her hands. Ellie's hand in mine was unique. We never really held hands before. Touching was fine. Pushing, bumping, putting my feet on him. But this was intimate. This was... sisterly? I knew he was my little sister, but the way we were dressed - even a bit the way we were acting - it made it seem like the opposite. Mommy put down two plates of food in front of us, each dressed with spaghetti. Ellie's lacked meatballs. Mommy put down one-size-too-big plastic forks with Hello Kitty on the handles, and returned to the kitchen. When she came back - a plate of food for herself - she also set down two more baby bottles: chocolate milk in mine and white in Ellie's. Then she began to fasten bibs around our necks. Instinctively, I began to fuss. I hated when Mommy babied me at the table, and I would often try to argue. But when I felt this little - often when I was wet - I would just whimper and kick my feet. I didn't know if I was supposed to kick up a fuss because - to me - a bib seemed downright logical, especially given what I paid for clothes! But I watched Kylie pouting and huffing, and tried to decide if that was the kind of image I wanted to have for myself. "Now now, Smylie, you be good, okay? You don't wanna be a bad influence on your baby sister, do you?" Marnie looked at me, and I kicked my feet experimentally. Marnie leaned down and kissed me on the top of the head, which sent a wave of warmth through my entire body. My fussing stopped. My heart slowed. My whole body reacted to it, like a drug. Like I'd never been kissed on the head by my own mother. Then she kissed Ellie and took her seat across from us. I reached for the bottle and pulled it closer to me, then picked up my fork. In a small way, I felt validated that Mommy still thought Ellie was the little sister. I was a big girl, right? We were siblings, conceptually - despite the fact I wanted to kiss her more and go on dates with her - but we really couldn't be more different. Kylie fussed, and I didn't. Kylie made a mess of her bib almost immediately, and her hands, and the table, and I didn't. I used my fork (in my left hand, because maybe that was cuter?) to build a perfect little bite, and redefine my relationship with food. I took little sips of my milk, and I I covered my mouth in embarrassment when the suckling motion from the bottle made me burp. I was so new at this. At all of this. Was it being a baby I was struggling with learning? Or being a girl? Dinner was good. Dinner was always good. Mommy was a great cook and I was locked in Littlespace. When my food was done, my chin and bib were a mess, and I'd even managed to get some of the sauce on the very fluffy dress. If Mommy was worried about it, she didn't show it. On the other hand, Ellie wasn't messy at all. Her hands had some sauce on them because she used her fingers to make little bites on her fork, but other than that... I looked at her in surprise, then down at myself. A fresh blush filled my cheeks and I sunk into my chair a little bit. She was so good at everything... "Wha's a matter?" I held my fingers apart like they were each covered in bright paint or poison, waiting faithfully and trusting that Marnie would come and clean them when she was done with taking care of Kylie. But Kylie - my best friend, my sister, my crush - looked crestfallen. "Did I-" "It's okay you two, I got it," Marnie cut in, wiping the warm cloth wipes over Kylie's fingers and face, like she was just a mindreader or something. Mommy cleaned me up first, which was probably silly since it took a lot longer than cleaning Ellie's hands. But it was also nice that she did; I had a few seconds of cleanliness while Ellie was still dirty. I smiled proudly and sipped the rest of the milk from my bottle. "You two go play for a bit while I clean up," Marnie told the girls. She carried the dirty plates into the kitchen, and turned round to see Ellie following her in. "Something wrong, princess?" Though she had spent enough time with new Littles to have a pretty good idea. "Am I doing this wrong?" I pouted, getting right to the point, because I guess I'd spent enough time of my life focused on avoiding the core issue behind things. "Kylie jus' seems really put-off by me…" "You can't do it wrong," Marnie said with a smile, patting her little girl on the head with a clean hand. "It's a personal thing. As long as you are having fun and you are letting take care of things, I'd say you are doing wonderfully." "But..." "Believe it or not, this is how Kylie acts when she gets like this." Not fully true, but true enough. "Her mind works differently. You let Kylie worry about Kylie and you let Mommy worry about you." She lightly tapped the tip of Ellie's nose. "Ellie worries about nothing." "Ellie worries about everything," I pouted softly, "and this is gloomy." Despite her reassurances, my best friend was clearly upset about this! And that was getting my head all in my way again. Marnie's approach was clearly too passive. She had been this way with Kylie as well, and things never seemed to sink in. Luckily, Marnie had learned a lot in the past few months. She went to one of the kitchen cabinets, looking for something, until she came back with a sugar bowl with a lid. She opened it up and fished around inside. Finally, she pulled out a plastic disk attached to a clip, sort of like a large earring. Marnie put the bowl back and showed Ellie the disk. On the front, it read, "Perfect Little Girl". Then she clipped it to the handle of Ellie's pacifier, which was clipped to the front of Ellie's dress. "This is a magic charm," Marnie explained. "If you have your binky in your mouth, you become perfect. You can't make mistakes. You can't mess up. Everything you do is the right thing, no matter what. If anyone is mad at you or mean to you, they will be in trouble regardless of the circumstances. Do you understand?" Honestly, this was a little risky. When Marnie had made this charm for Kylie, she only had herself to worry about. Now Marnie had to worry about Kylie too. But Marnie was almost positive Ellie wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt Kylie, even if she had the power to do so without consequence. "Uhhuh, okay," I nodded, even without thinking - that seemed easy enough to accept and Marnie knew what she was doing. So I put the binky in my lips and nodded my head again. Perfect Little Girl. Now I knew I was doing it right, even if I didn't really know much about magic. "Good girl!" Marnie said with a smile. Ellie took to that trick better than Kylie had. "Now remember, if you feel like you're doing something wrong, all you have to do is suck on your paci. The harder you suck, the better you'll feel. And keep reminding yourself - you have a magic spell. Okay?" Marnie didn't have to fake this one. Sucking on things was a source of comfort for most people on the planet. A leftover thing from when they were babies, probably. That was why people had oral fixations and chewed on pens and smoked cigarettes. Magic or not, sucking the pacifier would calm Ellie down. Plus... she looked so cute with her paci in. Marnie's heart melted. "I'm gonna go play," I decided, although the words that came out garbled by the binky were a lot less clear and concise. I could do this; I could let myself be happy and trust that Marnie would smooth over the edges. Marnie kissed the top of Ellie's head on her way out and smiled to herself. Hopefully this worked. ---------------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon! 4 Link to comment
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