Butterflies (Complete!)

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter Twenty-One

Waking up in bed with Eliot was a weird sensation. It happened so infrequently that I didn't expect it. I managed to sneak out of the sheets without waking him and change into my normal clothes. Marnie had work - she would have left hours ago. I found a note on the fridge when I went to find some cereal: 'Make yourselves at home - text me when you leave'. I sat at the kitchen table in the mid-morning sunlight and stirred my cereal with a spoon. What a weird night... but not a bad one. Would things be different when he woke up? Would he change out of those training pants? He looked really cute in that nightgown...

"Have you seen my clothes? My phone was in my pocket, and I wanted to make sure that Marnie didn't toss it in the washer or something..." Or that she didn't see my panties, not that it really ought to have mattered after last night; but lifestyle and performative were different worlds I'd rather have kept that way. Kylie looked up at me from her bowl of cereal, either confused or bemused by the fact I was literally just a head peeking around the edge of the doorframe.

"Not sure," I said. "I can text her if you want?" And that meant more time he had to wander around in a nightgown and training pants. I smirked. "Come have some cereal; I'll ask Marnie about your clothes." I pulled out my phone and started typing away.

To the end, Ky already knew about my panties thing, so there was no point making a stance. But I didn’t want to wander around in my performance clothes either. I puffed my cheeks out lightly and made one final plea. "Maybe... you could text her, and I could stay in here?"

"Stop being a baby," I said sharply. The double entendre only dawned on me after I'd said it. I looked down at my cereal with a bit of a blush and took another bite.

Stop being a baby, she says. I took a breath - and the high road - and came out of the bedroom to join her at the table, nightgown and all. "Has she answered, yet?"

I checked my phone. "No, but she's working. Give her a few minutes." I passed the box of cereal to my best friend, and he immediately checked the nutritional facts. I rolled my eyes.

"What does she do, anyway?"

"Marnie? She's a hotel manager. Or, events coordinator? Or... something." I knew she worked at a hotel! Something managerial.

"Sounds ritzy.” Hah, I'm so funny. “That explains how she has enough money to spoil you rotten." I put the cereal down, deciding against it - I'd eaten a lot last night, okay? Give me a break here.

"She doesn't spoil me," I said sharply, but I didn't make eye contact either. Marnie bought my dinners. She got me toys. She paid for more stuff than I wanted to admit. But she had a job. I had Basic. I felt an ache in the bottom of my stomach. Maybe I wasn't that hungry anymore...

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to strike a nerve. I just think it's really sweet, that's all - she's pretty minimalist otherwise, so obviously owning stuff doesn't bring her joy. But getting to dote on you does and I think that's really kind of you."

"Whatever," I muttered, spinning my spoon in the bowl. This whole thing was just a bit too close to home. I never wanted Eliot to be a part of this, and now he was. But I wasn't upset about it either. It was just... new. So I did what I do best: deflected.

"Well it seems like she had a pretty good time doting on you too, hm? My little sister, right?"

In the light of day, the word sister felt a lot more foreign, like I was fourteen and shopping for panties for the first time all over again. Way to be a weirdo, El. "I'm honestly surprised the little role didn't go to you. I was obviously the far more grown up one." I punctuated that by sticking out my tongue.

"Ha! If I recall, you're the one that spilled mac and cheese all over yourself!" I leaned forward with a wicked grin on my face, but Eliot didn't seem all that embarrassed. If anything, he looked surprised.

"I'm just not as well practiced at this whole thing. Maybe I was just intimidated by how cute you are, did you think about that?" I would have been sassier, but Marnie had thought it prudent to warn me off that last night and I didn't know if that also applied retroactively.

"I'm not cute," I said flatly, but he flashed a smile all the same. I rolled my eyes and took another bite of cereal. After breakfast - of which Eliot had none - I sat on the sofa and turned on the TV. It's not like I had anywhere else to be: Eliot was already here. Marnie still hadn't texted me back and my best friend still walked around in his nightgown. Sometimes I would glance up at him and smile.

"Where do you get panties like these, anyway?" We were two commercials into the second set of tributes to capitalism on the TV when I finally thought to ask - and only after shifting around a little and being reminded of them. "They're really comfortable."

"Oh, uh..." I blinked in surprise at the question and dropped my gaze back down to my phone. "I'm not sure, to be honest... I think Marnie orders them online."

"Huh. Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why does she buy them?"

"I dunno. She wanted underwear for our daytime rules? Why do you care?"

"What's the difference between daytime rules and nighttime rules? How come last night was daytime rules?" Ky looked at me funny and so I decided to clarify some. "I just mean, so I know for next time?"

"They... uh..." Speechless wasn't usually something I could be described as, but this moment definitely brought the term to mind. How much did I want to tell him? "Well, uh. It's... when I first came here, we didn't really have rules? And... Marnie... uh." Jeeze... "Well, what she gets out of this and what I get out of it are different things, you know? So she wanted rules so she could... be... getting... more things... out of it?"

"So you said a whole bunch of words right now, but actually told me nothing. How am I going to follow the rules if I don't know what they are? Come on Ky, tell me about daytime rules, what makes up a daytime rule? What are the daytime rules? You made me a part of this, so tell me everything."

"I didn't make you a part of this," I countered. "You wanted to come!"

"You invited me. And that's another thing - why did you invite me?"

"Because! Because you were going to be stuck at home, and... I dunno! Shut up!" A text. Thank. GOD. "Marnie says your clothes are on the dresser. Shouldn't you get changed?"

"I should. I've got to show my virile masculinity to the world, after all." With skinny jeans and panties, that was definitely the way to go. Speaking of... "Wait, on the dresser? Oh no no..." I hurried back into the bedroom and found my clothes, neatly folded. Jeans. Top. Panties. "Well fuck..."

When Eliot came back, he was dressed... well, as Eliot. A part of me was disappointed, like maybe Ellie from last night could last a while longer. But it was just a stupid game. And while he was away, it gave me time to think. I felt like I could answer his questions a little better.

"Daytime rules are pretty simple. Do what Marnie says, basically. There are certain clothes that are daytime clothes, like those nightgowns. It seems contradictory, since nightgowns are night-clothes. But "daytime" is just a word. Like... Rules A, instead of rules B."

"Okay, so what makes up nighttime rules?" I rubbed my chin, thinking about the ramifications of Marnie knowing about my panties, but ultimately it probably didn't matter. Probably.

"...I dunno. Other stuff."

"Sexy stuff?"

"No," I said harshly, narrowing my eyes at Eliot. "We aren't dating." Though sexy lingerie and hole-in-crotch panties were way less embarrassing.

"You don't have to be dating to do sexy stuff, first of all. Second of all, I wanna know. It's like Marnie said, remember? If you tell me, then you don't have anything to be afraid of. And Marnie now knows I wear panties, so like, let's balance this out."

Ugh! He was so annoying sometimes! "It's... more... uh. Marnie's style of things..." I pretended to be texting on my phone while I explained. "Just, more rules, more... doing what she says. You know? Like I told you - we get different things out of this. So it's like... balance. Or something..."

"Okay, so what if Marnie says next time, ‘it's nighttime rules because last time was daytime rules’? I should know what that means, shouldn't I?" Assuming entirely that I would just be along for it.

"You won't be here," I said flatly, glancing up from my phone. "And that's not how it works, anyway. Usually it's nighttime rules before bed, daytime rules all the other times. Which is how they got their names." Honestly, sometimes it was nighttime rules all day and sometimes it was daytime rules at night. It wasn't set in stone.

"Oh, I won't?" I actually pouted a little bit at hearing her snap back with that, but did my best to recover before she could tell. "I had fun, honestly, I figured you might have had fun, too."

I shrugged. I did have fun. I mean, was it more fun with him here? I wasn't sure. Probably not. But it was different. Interesting, to say the least. I'd never had a sister before... but that begged a bigger question.

"You had fun? Really?"

"Sure did.” Not even a moment of doubt there. “And I got to know that I was doing something that helped you relax and stuff too, it was really fun and rewarding." Questionable fashion and being semi-expected to eat aside.

"Mm..." I looked at him suspiciously, but Eliot never was a very good liar. He really enjoyed himself? "Well, maybe we can do it again... though I haven't talked to Marnie about it. I have to make sure she had a good time too."

"Absolutely, that's really important. If my being here is just like... making people miserable, I don't want to to do that." But that did bring us back to... "So, tell me about nighttime rules."

"Ugh! I told you! It's just more of the same shit.”

"Give me an example."

"Okay, fine!" Luckily, one had already come up. "Yesterday, when we were eating dinner, and Marnie put bibs on us? That's a nighttime rule."

"Oh that was cute! And it was worthwhile, so I didn't get food on your nice nightgown. That makes sense. So like, nighttime rules means.... more juvenile stuff? Like Littler Kid vs Little Kid? Baby vs. Toddler? That kind of thing?" I was getting the hang of this!

I felt heat rising to my cheeks and I shuffled further into the couch, avoiding eye contact with my best friend. He was getting too close for comfort...

"She's a caregiver, so like... she likes to... give care. Right? So... whatever..."

"That's cool. I like that. It’s really cool.” Think of a word that isn't cool, El, gosh. “It's cute, and it makes you happy. Heck, it made me happy, so it's not just you. You should text Marnie and ask her how she felt to have two of us."

"Maybe," I muttered. Clearly I was uncomfortable with the conversation. But nonetheless, I did what Eliot suggested. I send a quick text to Marnie. She would be honest - she's an honest kind of woman. But she could be insecure too. Maybe she didn't want someone else invading our personal space.

I did my darnedest to not seem like I was sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to see what she'd said.

> How do -you- feel about it? Having a sister?

> I don't know... it was nice? Daytime only.

> Did you feel starved for my attention or affection? Did you have trouble being little? These are the way more important questions.

> Not really. It was nice to have someone to play with even if that someone was Eliot. And you were basically the same so. Idk.
> I got embarrassed and kicked out of littlespace for a second, but it was only one time.

> I had a lot of fun, and honestly it was even a little less work with the two of you
> Because you would entertain and play with each other
> So that meant I had more planning time
> In future, that would mean I could plan more elaborate things
> Like that Christmas Morning idea you floated?

> Yeah...
> Well I guess it was better than I thought
> So...

> 'Better than I thought' is not the same as 'I really liked it and enjoyed myself'

> Same thing in Kylie-speak

"Guh, what's she saying? You're all tappa tappa type typey over there..."

"She's saying impatient children get put in time out," I said without looking up from my phone.

"What, really?" How does an adult even get put in time out. Isn't that prison?

> Aha. Well, I had plenty of fun, and there's a lot of potential there - but there are definitely some things about Eliot he’s not quite ready to face. That poor boy is an egg.
> Work duty calls. Ttyl, bbgrl

An egg? I looked at the phone strangely, then up at my best friend. He sure seemed antsy...

"She says you can come over again. She had a fun time."

I did a little fist pump and grinned, a smile which turned sheepish after a moment. "So how do you feel about that?"

I rolled my eyes. "As if I'd even be talking about it if I didn't have a good time." I took another glance at my best friend and then looked down at my phone. I should have taken a picture of him in that nightgown. He looked so... different. But if I took a picture of him, he might want one of me. Still, my memory wasn't perfect enough. I wish I could have held onto that moment a bit longer.

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[YourFNF]

17 hours ago, Sophie ♥ said:

Aha. Well, I had plenty of fun, and there's a lot of potential there - but there are definitely some things about Eliot he’s not quite ready to face. That poor boy is an egg.
> Work duty calls. Ttyl, bbgrl

Marnie knows *cackles*

[Sophie ♥]

8 hours ago, YourFNF said:

Marnie knows *cackles*

Marnie is so smart! o_o

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter Twenty-Two

I stood awkwardly outside the theater doors, turning my phone over in my hands. Eliot and I were in the middle of a movie when my phone rang. I had to take it. I should go back in. I should watch the rest of the movie. But my chest felt tight, and I knew I couldn't hide it from Eliot anymore. He could read my anxiety like newsprint. If he saw me... I shook my head and sent Marnie a text, just in case. I really didn't need this right now...

Where was she? Getting up and leaving during a movie cause her phone rang, that much I got - but usually she would have either: A) told them to call back later, B ) came back in and told me we had to go. Neither had occurred, and that left me worried. Maybe I'd go out after her...

Eliot found me outside the theater with my arms wrapped around myself. I had been trying to keep my thoughts under control, like I'd been working on with Marnie. But she hadn't texted me back. Eliot came up to me, but I shook my head.

"I'm fine. Really, I'm good." At least I sounded sure of myself. "I just can't sit in there right now."

"I absolutely don't think you are okay, Ky, but I'll believe you if you say so." Because I didn't push. I never pushed. I was more of a bystander to emotional turmoil. And I took a deep breath and held it for just long enough for stars to be on the edges of my vision, before letting it out.

"Can I help?" That was a big gesture for me.

"No, I... I just... want to walk. Or talk about something." My breathing was a little labored. Exhausted, like I'd been running, but I'd just been standing here. Ugh! Why was I so fucking broken?! "I just can't sit in some dark, quiet room right now."

“Let’s walk, then? Or a run. Or we can skip?" The options I was giving didn't seem to be offering much in the way of help, and about the time I offered the third choice I began to have a clue why. "Let's walk down the street, there's a cute little cafe on the corner with al fresco seating, we can sit in an open space, and talk." Choices seemed to overwhelm her, so a solution was my idea to help.

"'kay..." He led the way and I followed. My head was swirling with memories. My feet felt like concrete blocks trudging through the bottom of the ocean. But I was holding it together, for the most part. Marnie would be proud... We talked about... something. Soda water? I was struggling to focus. But then we arrived at the cafe. I wasn't sure I could eat anything...

I ordered us water - not sparkling water, because I'd made my distaste for that well known during the walk - and had the waitress sit us down in the tables out front. The street wasn't all that busy, but there were enough passersby to keep it from feeling solitary, and not too many that we'd feel lacking in privacy. A good balance. The more that I looked at Kylie, the more I realized this was probably a Marnie situation, but obviously Marnie wasn't available.

"I saw some cute pajamas when I was at the boutique, the other day; gingham ones? They had a few colors, and I thought about telling Marnie and she could get them for you?" I almost said us, but didn't.

"She buys me too much stuff," I muttered, looking at my phone. Why now? I mean, I knew why now. It made perfect sense why now. But... ugh. I didn't want to... but I had to, right? Fuck, fuck, fuck...

"Maybe I could buy it for you?" I offered, hopefully that it would be helpfully. I didn't know if I was supposed to be asking more, or whatever else. Emotional confrontation wasn't in my wheelhouse. "Wanna talk about what's going on, Ky?"

I sighed and turned my phone over in my hands. I didn't really want to talk about it, but it was that or argue with him about why he can't buy me things. Ugh...

"It's my mom's birthday next week," I mumbled. "My aunt wants me to come out for a party." Eliot and I had known each other since middle school. He knew my mom well enough. He also knew she wasn't exactly the best parent, and I hadn't spoken to her for the better part of my adulthood.

"Yikes." I was in over my head, wasn't I? When it came to this sorta thing, even getting involved in a positive way threatened to color me an enemy and I wasn't too keen on that. "I could go with you? Be your +1? You could even tell them we're dating if it'll placate them some?"

"Ha..." I faked a laugh and put my phone down on the table. "I wouldn't subject you to even one unnecessary minute with Leanne Maison." I put my cheek on my hand and looked down at the table. What was I supposed to do? It was her 50th birthday. I didn't care if my mom hated me, but I didn't want my whole family to hate me too. My aunt, my uncle, my cousins... I hadn't seen them in a long time.

"I really don't mind, Kylie, and if you take me along with you, then we can spend the rest of our lives making sassy comments about the stuff your Mom did at the party that you can't stand." Maybe I was putting myself too forward here. Hmm. "And it's not as if I haven't met your Mom, you know? I'd love to help."

I nodded my head, then I shook it. If I should bring anyone with me, it's Marnie. I could never keep my composure well around my mom; always somewhere between fury and fear. She wasn't a scary woman - she just made me feel... incapable.

"No, it's... it's fine. I should go." Ugh... I hated this. "Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky and she'll die before her 60th birthday and I won't ever have to see her again?"

Ordinarily, I'd lecture here there, but I’d met her mom.  She wasn’t exaggerating. I nodded my head and forced a little smile. "It's an open offer, alright? One Coupon for a Family Date with Eliot. Expires whenever, or never, I don't know."

"I'll keep that in mind," I muttered. I got a text back from Marnie and then sent a reply. My head was wound up, but Eliot was keeping me distracted. "Hopefully I can stay at Marnie's tonight..."

"Oh that's great!" Easy, tiger. Don't assume things, she didn't even mention you. But it couldn't hurt to ask, right? "Do you... want me to come, too?"

I gave him a weary smile and shook my head. "No, I... I do, but... I think I need some Marnie-esque attention. You know?" My voice sounded hollow, like I was half-asleep. Lacking emotion. It reminded me of two weeks ago, when Marnie and I weren't talking.

"Right, right, cool cool cool." I nodded distractedly, and smiled anyway. My conflict here was that I wanted to come, because I wanted to help, but she was also fragile right now and out of sorts. So my hands were bound, really.

I couldn't order any food, which meant Eliot had to. You can't just sit at a cafe and not order anything, after all. He sipped tea and ate a very small amount of a muffin. I did my best not to throw up or start crying. All in all, I think we were both very successful. On our way out of the cafe, I took Eliot's hand and stopped him in place. It wasn't something I would usually do, but I just wanted to tell him...

"Thanks for... uhhhhhh... you know." Hopefully he knew, because I wasn't sure I did.

"What are little sisters for, right?" I hoped it would make her smile, or at least feel the seeds of a smile. That would make it worth it.

----------------------

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[YourFNF]

I haven't spoken to mine in close to, two years? So feels on this.

[Sophie ♥]

51 minutes ago, Hopsalot said:

Just to let you know the B ) automatically updated to  this can be fixed by doing B). Or b) or just switching it up to B, whatever works. ????

o_o fixed.  I didn't even consider that!  Auto-fill emojis can be so annoying sometimes...

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter Twenty-Three

"Hey, sweetheart. Come in, come in." Marnie opened the door for Eliot and let him inside. She had invited him over on short notice without giving him much information about why he was there. But she worried that if she told him, he wouldn't come!

"Hi Marnie," I still felt a little bit awkward about the whole ‘her knowing about my panties’ thing... but I was good at deflecting. So I waved and followed her inside.

"Make yourself comfortable. Do you want a drink or anything? Water? Diet Pepsi?" Marnie wasn't one for diet soda, but she had recently been switching a lot of her staples to sugar-free for Eliot's benefit. No harm in stocking up, right?

"Water would be nice, as long as it's not that sparkling nonsense. Kylie and I talked about that just recently, and..." Well, I talked, Kylie didn't really listen. Either way. "Well the consensus was that water shouldn't have bubbles in it."

"Hm, that's a very powerful stance to take on something so mundane," Marnie joked, pouring a cup of water from the filtered tap. Then she rummaged around in one of her drawers and found a measuring tape. She returned to Eliot in the living room and handed him the glass. Then she told him why he was here.

"I need to take your measurements for some dresses."

Well, it was safe to say I did not expect that to be the reason I was here. Ordinarily I would have just laughed - I wore panties and nail polish, but I wasn't a dress kinda guy. Thing was, with Marnie... well, this was for Kylie, right?

"You mean for if I ever come over again when Kylie is little?"

"Yes, that's what I'm implying," Marnie said with a smile. "I want to buy Kylie a new play dress, and I thought I could get you one in the same style. Unfortunately I don't have many matching outfits; I never expected Kylie to have a sister."

There was that word again. Sister. It was because I promised to let what was good for the goose be good for the gander. But I could be a brother equally well, and we could play equally well. I could set things on the right path in this moment. I could. I should. I didn't.

"Oh, okay, that sounds fine."

"I wish Kylie was so willing to let me buy her things," Marnie teased, uncurling the measuring tape. "Arms up please." He put his arms up and Marnie went about measuring his waist and his hips. Then she thought for a moment... "Are you interested in wearing a bra, when you are Kylie's sister? I want the measurements to be accurate."

I couldn't help but laugh. It was more of a little gigglesnort than anything, and I waved my hand playfully to try and indicate I wasn't laughing at her.

"Oh gosh. No no, I'm not laughing at... I just mean, so… there's this girl, Caroline? She works at the lingerie boutique I like going to, and she has been trying to get me to buy like a cute training bra or something, for years. Or it feels like it."

"Oh?" Marnie smiled at the boy and took his bust measurement either way. "So it isn't something you're interested in? It's true, they are a hassle... I wish I didn't have to wear one most of the time. But, well..." Marnie lifted the underside of her large breasts, raising them only an inch before dropping them down again, safe within her bra. "They do create very feminine figure. You know, curves in the right places."

"Absolutely," I answered, absently, nodding, "I just don't see much point in my case - I'm about as flat as water ought to be. And despite the potential coords I could put together with some of my finer undies, I don't think any amount of compensation is going to help with that point." What was I even talking about? I sounded so lame. "I don't think four-year-olds wear bras anyway, do they? I'm not an expert, so I could be wrong."

"You make a good point," Marnie said with a smile. "I only suggested it in the first place so you could look more like Kylie, but I like your reasoning much more." She ruffled the boy's hair and started rolling up the tape measure.

"Does Kylie wear a bra when she's like.. little, like that?" I guess I hadn't thought to notice, or maybe my male socialization was just such that I assumed all women wore bras always.

"It depends on the outfit," Marnie thought out loud. "Pajamas, of course not. But some dresses might cause some discomfort." Marnie typed out Eliot's measurements on her phone - next to Kylie's - so she wouldn't forget. Then she ventured another question. "What's all this with Kylie's mom? She didn't seem happy to visit."

"She doesn't like her Mom very much," I started simple, then paused, pursed my lips, and added, "Kylie's Mom has two modes: overbearingly and oppressively controlling, or utterly and completely neglectful. She doesn't have any other gears."

"Oh... that's rough." Marnie paused to think. Maybe it explained why Kylie was so reluctant to trust people, herself included. Or maybe it explained why Kylie was so willing to slip into Littlespace, though she denied being a Little by label. Psychology was so subjective...

"She never told me anything about her," Marnie said with a small smile. "I had hoped this trip home would do her good, but maybe it'll do the opposite."

"It's not going to be good for her, I don't think so at all. I offered to go with her, even pretend to be her date if she wanted to avoid one particular topic of her Mom's ire. But she decided to be stoic and tough-girl it out, like always." I sighed.

"Hmm..." Kylie had only left this morning, but already Marnie was worried. She sent a quick text to check in. "Well," Marnie said with a conclusive sigh, "that's all I needed. Though you're welcome to stay." Marnie wondered what she would even do with Eliot. They didn't have a lot in common, and Marnie spent most of her alone-time reading books. Maybe a middle ground. "I could show you the dresses I'm thinking of purchasing?" Marnie offered. "You could provide me some advice on fabrics?"

"Sure, that sounds…" Fun? Fine? "Great. Although I'm a bit of a snob when it comes to fabrics and brands, I need to warn you of that in advance."

"Good! I need to learn." Marnie got her laptop and sat on the sofa, pulling her feet up beside her. Eliot had to lean in close to see the screen, but that was just fine with her. "So this is the one I was looking at... please don't look at the price tags." She couldn't trust Kylie with such an instruction, but Eliot seemed to understand the price of a good dress. These ones in particular had a lolita-feel to them, with simple designs, ruffled undercoats, and looked just right for a kindergartener.

"I like the style, but that's a factory produced brand out of China. May I?" I leaned in and punched in another address, this one was a site entirely in Portuguese - and I didn't speak the language, but I knew my way around sites like this like the back of my hand. I actually owned a vest from this same site, so it wasn't even my being pretentious unmerited.

"Click here, and then there, and then scroll down here for dresses, and... this category here." The dresses on this site were stunning in their designs, like juvenile little Victorian numbers lifted right out of whimsical fairy tale illustrations. "And because of the currency conversion, these are lower cost, and you're supporting artisans who actually care about what they're making."

"Huh…" Marnie was impressed. She would never have found this site on her own, least of all because it didn't have english options. The dresses weren't as inconspicuous - she probably couldn't take her girls out in these ones. Then again, would she ever be able to coerce Kylie outside in a dress anyway?

"Great job, princess! You constantly impress me." Marnie wrapped her arm around Eliot and kissed him on the top of the head.

Well, that sure was a foreign experience. I grinned and shrugged playfully and took a deep breath. Something was distracting, though, and that something was the very simple word she'd used: princess. "Clothes are kinda my thing, that's all.  You gotta look for custom sizes, especially if you are paying that much money.  And I'm happy to help. Even if you or Kylie never wind up wanting me over again."

Never wanting him again? Marnie looked down at Eliot for a minute and smiled to herself. Hm... "Hey, El? Would you want to stay the night tonight?" This would be a little contentious with Kylie... but, well, they weren't exclusive. Marnie could have other Littles and Kylie could have other Bigs. But Eliot was her best friend. Hm... this would require a bit of moral gymnastics.

"Like, just to hang out? I don't think I have any plans, especially with Kylie out of town..."

"Well, I would like that, but..." Marnie smiled sheepishly. "I do wonder if, since Kylie is away, you wouldn't mind being my princess again? I could give you the full treatment, really make you feel beautiful and special. But, of course, there's no pressure." This could be good for Eliot! Or was that just the excuse Marnie was telling herself?

‘Why would I want that?' should have been top of my concerns. Or maybe 'you know I'm a boy, right?' or 'well, I don't see why I'd do that if Kylie's not here'. What came out instead was: "As long as you're sure Kylie won't be upset. And you have to be clear with her about it, because she's pretty possessive."

Marnie wasn't even sure he would say yes at all. Without Kylie, what reason would he have to play with her? To sate her wishes? Marnie doubted it. "Of course, I'll text her right now."

> Hey El came over so I could get his sizes - do you mind if we play a bit?
> I think it will be good for him!

> No way.
> Big No.

> I'll send a pic?

> UGHHHH
> ...why do I tell you my fantasies?
> Fine. Daytime rules.

> You're no fun...

"She says that's fine," Marnie said with a smile. "And you remember your safe word?"

"Uh..." I rubbed the back of my neck and tilted my head. "Caramel?"

"Butterscotch," Marnie said sternly. "Short of that, you can use Kylie's 'Big' rules, if you need to." Marnie got up off the sofa and set her laptop aside. Then she reached down under Eliot's arms and lifted him into the air, setting him on her hip like he didn't weigh anything at all. Next to Marnie, Eliot really didn't weigh anything at all!

"There we go, princess! Let's get you dressed, shall we? Proper princesses should look the part."

Well, that should have been red flags, to be honest. Or like. Butterscotch flags. Being picked up this way wasn't just unexpected, it was disconcerting! I would have wriggled down and out of her arms, if she didn't have such a good grip on me.

I felt a lot of things in those few seconds, mostly foolish, a bit shy, extremely silly, and a hint of something else under there. Something about princesses looking the part. Kylie had said how Marnie got a lot out of this, and Marnie helped Kylie a lot, so I could do this for her. For Marnie, and therefore, for Kylie. Right? Other than the noise in my head, I was quiet.

----------------------

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[YourFNF]

Marnie about to peel the shell off that hardboiled egg..... *giggles* OwO

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter Twenty-Four

Marnie didn't let the boy down, all the way down the hall and into the guest bedroom. It looked much the same as the last time Eliot was in there. Marnie opened the closet, showing a lot of outfits Eliot never got a good look at. Some of them were to be expected: dress-up clothes, nightgowns, dresses, overalls. Then there were the onesies, which seemed to have little buttons between the legs.

"Now, my pretty girl," Marnie said to El, "are you going to be in your prettiest princess dress? Or are you under cover today, out with the common folk? Hm?" The way she spoke, with near-condescension... but her tones were too warm, too loving, to have any hint of teasing. It was a genuine question for a genuine child.

Alright, Eliot, you're not in Kansas anymore - you're somewhere over the gosh darn rainbow. And to be honest, it was harder and harder to tell what kind of witch Marnie was. But I was doing this for Kylie, right? Rewarding Marnie for helping Kylie. And did it hurt you, Eliot? Did the world end if you wear a dress? If you were a princess? Well... the bathroom times suggested it might. If I just avoided mirrors, though... I reached out to make my judgment by touch, instead of thinking too heavily about it.

"That one." I pointed at a lavender dress.

"Ohhh look at you! Picking your clothes all by yourself! Mommy is so proud of you!" She kissed the boy once on the cheek and fished the purple dress out of the closet. To be honest, she was treating him a lot younger than four years old, but technically she was still playing by daytime rules! Marnie took Eliot to the bed and finally plopped him down.

"This is a very pretty dress," Marnie cooed as she slid it off the hanger. "My little princess has such good taste!"

Deep breath in, deep breath out. No mirrors. No risks. It's just a dress. Just a dress... "You think so? People say that I do. Have good taste I mean." My voice was... definitely nervous.

Marnie noticed the change in his voice. Not quite like Kylie, but not unlike it either. She set the dress down on the bed and went over to the dresser. She hesitated over the training pants and looked back at Eliot. He was small. Bigger than Kylie, but he didn't have her hips. And technically they were in the daytime rules. Kylie just didn't like them. They didn't make her feel Little. But El wasn't Ky. With a deep breath, she walked back to the bed with a pull-up in her hand, the kind you buy for older kids. She set it down on the dress and helped Eliot off the bed.

"Arms up Ellie," she told him, hooking her fingers under his impossibly soft shirt.

Ellie. Ah yes. Ellie. Princess Ellie, who was Princess Kylie's sister. Little Sister? Probably. I was smaller than her, after all. Not by a huge amount, but by some amount all the same. Arms up Ellie. So I lifted my arms, and I let her undress me. What was the issue, right? I was a boy. And she'd seen my panties already, right? I was shivering, though.

Marnie pulled the purple dress over his head, cooing and awing over everything Ellie did. She knew how to make someone feel small and important and the center of the entire world. Once Ellie's dress was on - which fit rather finely - Marnie fluffed out the skirt with a smile. The fabric quality wasn't great, but that was the point. He didn't look like a princess - he looked like a little kid playing dress up.

"I'm going to finish getting you changed," Marnie encouraged him, "but it's just because I'm your Mommy. No need to worry, okay babygirl?" She lifted her hands up his dress and pulled down his nice slacks and panties all in one go. Once they were at his ankles, she gave the next instruction. "Step out, little one."

Well. That happened. My knees buckled in on one another, tight as could be, and I squirmed back onto the bed, pushing the skirt of the dress instinctually down between my legs, even though my thighs were firmly sealed shut. Frick. Holy frick.

"Um." Butterscotch? No? Big No? Caramel Fritters with Apple? Why was I thinking about food? Ugh! "Sorry, I just... you caught me off-guard, and... you're a girl, and I'm..." A bumbling idiot?

"And you're a girl, too," Marnie said with a smile. "So there isn't a problem. And Mommies see their little girls naked all the time, don't they? This isn't any different." But Marnie could sense a breaking point, so she decided to give one more prompt before continuing.

"Would you like to stop? Butterscotch?"

I shook my head. Because I knew I was being irrational and silly. I was making a big deal out of something that wasn't a big deal. Just like I wasn't a Princess, or a Girl, but I was pretending - I was pretending this was a big deal, too. And if I could stop being a Princess Girl any time I wanted to, then I could gosh darn stop making a big deal of this. I shimmied forward on the bed. Deep breath. No mirrors. Stand up. I stood up. And I lifted one foot in gesture to continue.

"I'm fine, let's do it."

Marnie nodded and picked the pull-up off the comforter. For all that had been said and done, she wasn't sure he had fully realized what she would be dressing him in. To be certain he understood, she unfolded the pull-up in front of him, stretching the waistband, and flashing the pretty pink butterflies. Then she bent down on her knees and put it against his ankles.

"Step in, darling girl. Be good."

"Paper underwear?” Wow, I was an idiot. I stepped into what she held out and my brain finally began to catch up with my eyes. Disposable Panties. Childish designs. Oh. "Ohh. Oh. The padded panties from last time were..." Wow. I mean. Yeah. Four years old. That made sense. I think? Right? I should have paid more attention to childhood development in school. These were not comfortable underwear, though, and that much I knew for sure.

"Bingo," Marnie smiled, and bopped him on the nose. "Little girls need protection, and you're my little girl. Aren't you? Pretty princesses know that Mommy is always right." Without waiting for an answer, Marnie secured the pull-up around Eliot's hips with such grace and simplicity that she had to have done it before. Then she flattened out his dress to cover it up.

There was a lot there to unpack. A lot of words, to be clear. Pretty Princesses. That was me. Little Girl. That was also me. Mommy. That was a word she'd used before - that night, actually - and I didn't see any particular issue with that. Protection, though? Like, was this a sex thing? Maybe I was confused. I mean, a lot of this was confusing. Although the fact that Kylie was sometimes stuff like this was pretty clear, and that was interesting. Well... maybe jumping to conclusions wasn't ideal. "Does Kylie wear these uh..." I guess call it what it is? "Diapers?" I mean, duh, why else would she have them?

Marnie smiled to herself. Anyone else might have hesitated, but she was quick on her feet. She cupped Ellie's cheek and kissed her on the forehead. "Silly girl, it's not a diaper. It's a pull-up! You're a big girl, Elliepop - you don't need diapers. Do you? Nuh uh, I dun think so! It's just in case." Without giving an answer to Eliot's question, she sat him on the bed, his new undies crinkling softly under the floofy dress. Then she started fitting his feet with white ruffled ankle socks.

"Oh those are cute!" Ruffled socks I could get behind. I'd actually been curious about cute socks more than once, so this was a nice exploratory opportunity for me. I didn't know how Kylie was going to feel about me wearing all of her things, but I was smaller than she was, so I wouldn't stretch anything. And I was about as soft and smooth as a baby jelly bean, so it was probably all okay. I wriggled my toes, musing over the socks.

"They are cute. Almost as cute as my little princess!" Marnie stood up with a smile and helped Ellie to his feet. He looked so frickin' precious! But if Marnie wanted this night to be worth something, she would have to do a lot better. "Let's go out to the living room, okay babygirl? I've got some surprises for you. Do you think you can walk on your own or should Mommy carry you, hm?"

There was an indignant part of me that felt like I should have been shutting down on the condescension, but honestly it was kind of nice to have someone dote over me. "I don't want you to hurt yourself; I can walk." For the second time in recent memory, I was learning to stand up and move in vastly unfamiliar underwear. These were not as comfortable as the padded panties had been.

Marnie rolled her eyes and picked Eliot up with no effort at all, resting him on her hip. She patted his back and pushed him comfortably into her shoulder. Marnie went to the dresser and grabbed a few things Eliot couldn't see, then carried him down the hall and sat him on the sofa. She put down a few bottles of nail polish on the coffee table and bent down to look him in the eye.

"Princess. You're my little girl. I'm taking care of you. If you don't let me, I'm going to be very disappointed. Okay? So you be good and let your feelings flow naturally. Don't think so much."

"Oh oh," I saw the nail polish out of the corner of my eye, and that was something I was at least familiar with! But she put her finger to my lips and gave me a very serious look. "Okay, okay, I'll be a good princess. Can we do nails now?" I was getting really good at it.

Hm. She hadn't expected him to get so excited. She was going to paint his nails for him, but he seemed more eager to do it himself. Interesting.

"Alright," Marnie smiled. "Mommy is going to do this hand for you, and you can watch. Then you can do this one yourself, like a big girl. What do you think?"

I pouted visibly and thought about all the issues of asymmetry that would bring, but she'd just warned me not to get so worked up over stuff. So I countered with: "Well," I picked my words to curry favor, "how about Mommy does Princess Ellie’s and then Princess Ellie does Mommy's?" Fricking NAILED IT. Hah. Nail. Puns!

Marnie smiled a bit, maybe from him calling her Mommy, or maybe because it was a pretty good idea. So she agreed. "It will be an honor to have the same colored nails as the prettiest girl in the whole world." Marnie turned on a movie - one of the hundreds of Disney movies Kylie had already seen - and went to work. Base coat. Two coats of lavender, very similar to the shade of the dress. And a top coat. After she finished everything, Ellie was halfway through the movie and somewhat entranced. Maybe her comment about thinking less had sunk in.

----------------------

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[YourFNF]

Awww little Ellie is so cute ?

[Sophie ♥]

On 12/8/2020 at 10:03 AM, Hopsalot said:

I can’t wait to see night time rules

Just you wait. ^_~

22 hours ago, YourFNF said:

Awww little Ellie is so cute ?

Right?!  

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter Twenty-Five

"Ariel really isn't a good role model..." I muttered, but got distracted by the perfect job she'd done on my nails. "Holy cow, they look so good, how did you get them so perfect? And no paint on the edges of my fingers, either? No streaks? Wow."

Marnie laughed a little and kissed her princess on the back of the hand. She wasn't sure what his Littlespace looked like, or if he even had one. But this unbridled interest was definitely a step in the right direction.

"I've had a lot of practice. I could teach you sometime? How about next time you are over? How is your movie?"

"It's okay, I think Ariel is a dummy though, and that's fine because she's real pretty, but I wish she were just a bit smarter? And that Ursula wasn't being shoehorned as a villain when all she was doing was keeping her end of the deal.” What else had she asked? I got distracted by my nails in the pretty lavender. "Oh, I need to take a picture of these to show Ky."

"Don't worry, we'll take pictures very soon. I still have more to do." Though Marnie was excited to have the same nails as her young charge, she was more excited that Ellie seemed to forget all about it. Marnie had other plans. She went into the bathroom and grabbed some supplies. El's hair was pretty short, so this would be a little complicated. She usually worked with long hair, but she had seen enough YouTube videos to get an idea. She brought the mess of hair products, makeup, and headbands into the living room and set them down on the couch. When El looked curious, she replied simply: "Watch your movie, babygirl."

"Okay, but my skincare routine is pretty lax - I tend toward pretty balanced skin, and I only moisturize at night." I told her that information, because like any self respecting boy I at least knew to moisturize, and then did as she asked and went back to the movie. I really really hoped Ariel got her comeuppance and soon.

He wasn't kidding about his skin - it was very soft and very pretty. She covered it in a very light foundation - cover-up wasn't even necessary. He would tilt his head and try to see around her as she painted it on and Marnie did her best to stay out of his way. Then she did very light eye-shadow, just to bring out his eyes, and blush on his cheeks and nose. She wanted very badly to go all out with eye-liner, but it didn't fit the little-girl aesthetic. Oh well.

"Hold very still," she told him, holding the mascara wand to his eyelashes. She had to pause the movie for this part. But soon enough, once his lips were painted with a pastel pink lip-shine, she was done. Only hair to go...

"I think Ariel is prettier with legs and without a voice, because at least then it’s harder to figure out she’s an airhead. Like I think there's a thing on that in um... ummm.." I snapped my fingers, trying to remember cause this was all very clouding of my thoughts, then pursed my painted lips for a second before it came to me. "Philosophy, that's the thing."

Marnie laughed at El's commentary. He was charming, when he wasn't so nervous. To be honest, he was charming anyway. She rubbed a thickening mouse in her hands and started to run it through the boy's hair. El had really nice hair - nicely styled, nicely cut - but it was too short for most of Marnie's ideas. If she thickened it up, gave it a bit more bounce, she could pair it with a headband and he would look way more feminine. Sure enough, after finding a flower-adorned headband that matched his dress and setting it properly behind his ears, he looked like a picture-esque little girl. A toddler girl? Probably not. But he could easily pass as a teenage girl at an anime con. And without more time, that was the best she could get.

"Hey you finished just as the movie did, that's serendippy..." What was that word? My brain kept putting diaper right in the middle of it, cause of the present situation. "Serendipitous!"

"That's a very big word for such a little girl," Marnie said with a kiss on El's forehead. She stood up and stretched, looking down at her princess who - by and large - looked exactly like a princess! It was amazing what a few fancy clothes and a bit of makeup could do. "You look so gorgeous, Ellie. And I know Ky wanted a picture of her sister. Do you think I could take a few? No pressure."

"Sure! No mirrors, though, and I don't want to see the pictures." It was the first thing I'd said that wasn't tinged with an air of whimsy to it, like it was a lot more important than commentary of the movie.

Marnie blinked in surprise. That was... not very common in this generation. Even Marnie liked to see her own pictures before they were sent to someone. And it made her wonder...

"Alright. Well how about you stand up over here... hmm. Something's missing." Marnie tapped her cheek for a minute before she figured it out. "Oh, your owl! How about you go get them?"

"Oh! Owlive. Of course, what's a Princess without her little animal familiar to help her get dressed in the mornings? I'm pretty sure that's the rules." I skittered away to find my little Owl friend.

Marnie wasn't sure what to make of Eliot. On one hand, he seemed to be in Littlespace, or some version of it. The problem was: all Littlespaces were different. El's was similar to Ky's, but was that just mimicry? She wasn't sure. When Ellie returned with his owl, Marnie posed her for pictures. One in a cute pose, holding his owl. One with his owl at his side. And one final one of his nails close up, so Ky could see.

"Brilliant. I hope that cheers her up. She was so down having to go see here Mom - she'd much rather be here with her Mommy, I promise." I was so fricking clever!

Marnie laughed at his joke and kissed him on the top of the head. She had been worried that he was just playing along, but it didn't seem that way. Actually, he seemed to really be enjoying himself. Maybe she shouldn't push his boundaries...

"Hey, princess?" Marnie asked. "I was wondering... why don't you want to see what you look like? Do you worry you aren't pretty?"

"I don't want to talk about that, please." I'd cried in this woman's shoulder last time and I was not entirely eager to repeat that experience.

Marnie nodded her head and walked Ellie to the sofa, where she sat down and pulled him up onto her lap. The pull-up crinkled beneath her dress and Marnie felt a serene pride swell up inside her. Her little princess...

"Ellie, sweetie... I know we haven't known each other long, but I really, deeply care about you. You're... passionate and shy and so brilliant. And you're more insightful than you know. You've understood more things since the day we've met than I've learned in years. And I really want you to be happy, okay?"

"I'm like the happiest person I know; you don't need to worry about that." Sitting in a girl’s lap? That was one of the more unusual things to have happened in my life. At a party once, some guys had passed me around from lap to lap, but girls didn't tend to go lapping boys. I wriggled some, pursing painted lips at the odd sound and sensation of the crinkling undergarments, and the foreign sensation of uncovered legs.

"You really like this, don't you?" Marnie said with a bit if a smile. But there was worry in her eyes. "Since I met you, I've sort of thought... but last time you were here, when you dressed up? And you played Kylie's sister? I've been thinking..." Oof, Marnie thought. Here we go. "Do you want to be a girl, Ellie? Like... not just for play, but for real too?"

"Who even knows?" I answered, honestly, shrugging my shoulders. "I struggle with the literal basics in life - like eating, or socializing, or getting a job. It's like a puzzle I can't even fit the nine little pieces into, yet. Last thing I have time to think about is another puzzle. So I wear panties, that piece fits. I paint my nails, that piece fits. And I guess being here, doing this, fits. Although I fret like a guitar over Kylie getting insecure over this."

Well, this conversation was going better than Marnie thought it would. Maybe she could push a little more. "What if you could start over. Like... character creator, in one of Ky's video games." Marnie knew things! "You get to design yourself. Would you pick a girl? Or perhaps finely dressed boy?"

"I don't know, those things make me anxious. She's made me play a video game once or twice before, and she used to always come to me to help her with those Skywindy games or whatever they are, and I don't know. Everyone's got a thing, maybe my thing is just the things I do now and it isn't more than that?"

"That's possible," Marnie said with a smile. "Maybe you're a very pretty boy who likes being a princess. And Mommy will love you no matter what." Marnie hadn't meant to say "love" - she knew she was a little loose with that word in her Mommyspace. But honestly, the more time she spent with El, the more protective and maternal she grew toward him. She wanted nothing more than to make sure he was happy.

"It's funny how you managed to take a big and heavy word, and make it light and delicate and easy to feel. Recontextualization. You're good at that." Me, I didn't know what I was good at, or who I was supposed to be good at being. "I know that seeing myself in that mirror that night was like looking into the dark with no stars, with something moving that I can't make out."

"And you're afraid to see that again," Marnie said, as more of a statement than a question. She thought about it for a minute and nodded her head. "Well, Princess Ellie. I think we should go look in the mirror together."

I looked at her in a bit of surprise and replayed what she said in my head, because I was sure she didn't say what I thought she'd said. "No thank you, I'd really rather not. I'm having a really good night and I don't want to lose that."

"You're afraid of seeing the same reality as last time. The reality that it's impossible to look like anything but a boy in a nightgown. But reality can be so much more. You're the most beautiful, adorable, sweet little girl today, and that's what will be in the mirror. Not a boy in a nightgown." Marnie tilted Ellie's chin up so the two made eye contact. She spoke with such certainty, and such kindness.

"You taught me... telling someone what to do gives them permission to do something they might never have done. That letting someone run away only gives them the burden of uncertainty. If I let you run from this thing you're afraid of, then I would be complicit in your misery." Marnie shook her head and spoke sternly.

"I won't do that. We are going in there together and you are looking in that mirror and no matter how you feel, I'm going to be here for you. If we fight, then we fight. And if you never talk to me again, then you never talk to me again. But tonight, right now, you're going to do what I say little lady, because I'm doing what is best for you. Do you understand?"

I had so many rebuttals, so much to say to refute her, and I was so good until she started to use my own darn wisdom against me, and just like that all of the wind deflated out of my sails and flowed to my now very puffed out cheeks... which then deflated in a sigh of defeat.

"I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna be a sookie lala."

"And I'll be there to dry every single tear, my darling girl." Marnie stood Ellie up on his feet and got up herself. She stood tall on the best of days, but in this moment, she seemed to stand even taller. She took Ellie by the hand and led him into the bathroom, the same one he had cried in during his last visit. Marnie only hoped that Ellie saw the same thing she did: the young boy really was a very beautiful girl.

I had my eyes squeezed tight, hoping that maybe she wouldn't notice and would be satisfied with the effort I put in. When the silence became too much to bear, I opened my eyes and faced my fear in the mirror. Deep breath. And.

Nothing.

I blinked at what I saw. The bathroom in the mirror, and Marnie in the mirror, the dim light that flickered every few seconds only a little bit, and the doorway that led back into the living room. And some other girl I didn't recognize.

"Huh..." I took a step forward, other hand still in Marnie's, and pressed my fingers to the mirror. The girl did the same. But my brain couldn't connect her to me. She was a fantasy, a figment, an imaginary construct. Another world in the mirror, where everything was just a little bit different. She looked confused, and I knew it was because I looked confused, because I knew that the girl in the mirror was me. That was Ellie. And it wasn't magic. It wasn't exaggeration, or some silly wish fulfillment. She was just there, as I was here. The girl in the mirror.

"You're so adorable," Marnie whispered in his ear, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pushing her cheek to his headband. She was a picturesque princess. Certainly not a boy, which - Marnie was hoping - was a good thing.

"I'm sure Kylie feels silly now for saying no to dating me, cause she only likes girls, huh?" I smirked - and on the girl’s face, that looked mischievous and playful - and took my eyes away from the reflection to look at Marnie. "Maybe I just can't see myself, so that makes it okay?"

"What do you mean, sweetheart? You're right there." Marnie pointed in the mirror again, at the gorgeous girl. Marnie had admittedly outdone herself. Not too strong on the makeup. Accentuate the boy's best features, of which there were many! And his hair was pretty cute too, if it was styled right. "What do you think, Ellie? Do you think you want to keep being this pretty thing all the time?"

"That's an awfully big question to ask someone you keep reminding is an awfully little girl, isn't it?" I was being avoidant, and we both knew it. So I took a more realistic response, less playful, more honest.

"Marnie.. I change my outfits three times a day. I flake out of job interviews because I'm worried about being stuck there. I never declared a major, even. Asking me if I want to do anything all the time is... anathema, I think. I've never done anything all the time. So how would I even know if I wanted that, if I don't recognize it?"

"You can always change your mind later," Marnie said with a smile. "Gender is your own experience." Marnie ran her fingers through Ellie's hair and kissed him on the forehead, holding him tight to her chest. With a sigh, Marnie steeled herself and made a decision.

"If I'm your Mommy, then I'll decide for you. Until you're ready, okay? So until you tell me otherwise, you're a girl." Maybe Marnie was scared of being complicit in Ellie's misery. Or maybe she was more sure of herself than she thought. But if she left El to his - no, her - uncertainty, that was dooming her to struggle. No Mommy could do that, not in good conscience. Life was trial and error, and Ellie would never know which choice was wrong until she made one.

----------------------

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[YourFNF]

21 hours ago, Sophie ♥ said:

I won't do that. We are going in there together and you are looking in that mirror and no matter how you feel, I'm going to be here for you. If we fight, then we fight. And if you never talk to me again, then you never talk to me again. But tonight, right now, you're going to do what I say little lady, because I'm doing what is best for you. Do you understand?"

Fuck I wish I had this

https://tenor.com/view/jim-carrey-the-grinch-feelings-emotions-gif-3567136

21 hours ago, Sophie ♥ said:

"If I'm your Mommy, then I'll decide for you. Until you're ready, okay? So until you tell me otherwise, you're a girl." Maybe Marnie was scared of being complicit in Ellie's misery. Or maybe she was more sure of herself than she thought. But if she left El to his - no, her - uncertainty, that was dooming her to struggle. No Mommy could do that, not in good conscience. Life was trial and error, and Ellie would never know which choice was wrong until she made one.

Just like that an egg cracks, thank you Marnie for breaking that shell. And I would like to raise one to our new sister, welcome home Ellie, I'm so glad you asked Marnie for help and to take the lead.

 

[Sophie ♥]

6 hours ago, YourFNF said:

Just like that an egg cracks, thank you Marnie for breaking that shell. And I would like to raise one to our new sister, welcome home Ellie, I'm so glad you asked Marnie for help and to take the lead.

❤️❤️❤️ 

[Sophie ♥]

Pardon the lack of updates.  My converter is having trouble and I gotta fix it. (Or get someone way smarter about computers to fix it for me).

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter Twenty-Six

A lot happened that night, and a lot of it was worse than I could have imagined while being simultaneously not that big a deal at all. I hadn't heard from Kylie, and I knew that I'd dumbly let Marnie send pictures to her - the fact I hadn't heard from her was much more concerning than if she'd just sent me some gentle ribbing in a text. Was she mad at me? Marnie was kind of her thing, so maybe?

I saw a girl in that mirror, a girl in the bathroom, and that was what I'd seen that first time - I just hadn't wanted to admit that I had. To be honest, I didn't want to admit it now, either. But what was it the kids used to say? Cannot Unsee?

"Huh?" I looked up at my roommate.

"How was it?" Jen repeated for Noland.

"It was alright, we hung out, watched a movie, talked about largely nothing important," I replied, as the two of them quizzed me about my night with Marnie. They were eating pizza; I was picking out the leaves of a prepackaged salad that weren't horribly wilted. "I mean, it's not romantic or anything - she's Big Into Kylie - but it was fun, you know. Girls night in kind of thing." Hah. I was so funny. And confused. Mostly funny, though.

"But, like. Why were you even over there in the first place? Girls don't just call guys up and ask them to come over, you know." Jen knew. She was very well-versed in the things girls did. "Her and Kylie aren't dating, right? So maybe she's into you. OR! Using you to get to Kylie."

"She could be, but she's kind of a Momma Hen; she's gotta take care of everyone. She probably invited me over because she was worried I'd be lonely without Ky around? Or something." In this case, the answer was something. I knew now why she'd invited me over, and that everything that happened was premeditated... no, that word was too sinister. It was pre-planned and she had this notion in her head that she was just going to make me see what I'd seen.

"Do you ever like, picture yourself as a girl?" I asked Noland. "When Jen... you know?" Awkward question to ask another guy, probably, but I was curious.

Noland blinked awkwardly and scratched the side of his face with his finger. "Weird change of topic, but, uhhhh... not really? I mean, it's more like..."

"A power thing," Jen answered for him.

"Yeah. Like, it's more fun for me to not be in charge. And Jen likes to be in control."

"True fact."

"And why is being in control a guy-thing, anyway?" Noland went on. "That's just toxic masculinity shit. Strong women are sexy and I'm not less of a man because I take it in my ass. Fuck that."

Then, after a pause, Noland wondered aloud: "Why do you ask?" As far as Noland knew, Eliot hadn't had sex. He just never seemed the type to care a lot about it. Then again, Noland and Eliot had only been roommates for a year or so. Maybe he had a girlfriend before then?

"I'm just curious, that's all." Which was true, but Noland knew me well enough to know when I wasn't telling him everything.

"Right, and what else?"

"Mm?"

"What else? You're curious, but like, what makes a guy curious about that kind of thing?"

Good question. Hmm. "Marnie found out about the panties thing." Also true! "And she's just got some ideas in her head about it meaning something that it doesn't."

"Something it doesn’t mean?" Jen asked.

"Guys can wear panties," Noland said, with a touch of indignation. Truth be told, he drank enough Gender Equality Juice for the whole town, and he never hesitated to spout his feminist beliefs. "I mean, women are already charged too much for their clothes. Why not sell to guys too? Twice the consumers, twice the price, half the fabric. That's just good marketing. Do you need me to set this Marnie chick straight?"

"Uh." Panic. I mean, don't panic. Don't cross the streams, Eliot. Ellie. Eliot. "No, you don't need to do that. She's really sweet, and she's got a big heart and all that jazzercise." This conversation was making me dizzy, I think. Or it could have been the salad. "It's fine, I'm fine."

Jen looked at Noland with a weird look - something between disbelief and uncertainty. Noland shrugged his shoulders. So Jen gave him another look - something with a bit of force, a silent demand. Noland sighed and nodded his head.

"Well..." Noland started, "if you need to talk anything out, or like. You need anyone. We're your friends. And we want to make sure you're happy and stuff. You know?"

"If it's a sex thing," Jen tacked on, "we know a lot.”

"I do not doubt that for a second." I'd received some of Noland's packages before, and there was some interesting... iconography, in some of the corporate logos, let me tell you that much.

There was a part of me that just wanted to tell them everything; that Marnie had dressed me up, that she'd shown me the mirror, that I'd seen something I didn't expect and something I really kind of liked... but I couldn't think of a way to do that without outing Kylie, as it were. Outing. As a baby? Or something.

"What we mean is," Noland said, "we're here for you. Kylie stuff or underwear stuff or whatever." By this point in time, Noland and Jen didn't know what to expect of Eliot. He had always seemed infatuated with Kylie, but that had become a non-option. He didn't talk about other girls or dating or sex. Or boys either, for the record. Other than shopping - and occasionally working - he didn't do a lot. He was just as likely to stay in his bed all day as he was to run off to another country. In any case, they both hoped he found a way to be happy.

*     *     *     *     *

> Hey how was your night??
> I'm miserable btw.
> Sorry for not texting sooner but I got shit for texting at dinner and I still have one more day to get through.

> It was okay, we watched a movie
> She got some stuff that's easier for me to accept eating, too. Nice girl.

> Yeah she's sweet
> Did she little you?
> Well I mean she kind of did cuz I saw pictures
> BY the WAY DAMN YOU ARE SO CUTE
> I told her to keep it light so I hope it wasn't uncomfortable

> She sure did something
> And she took pictures
> Which you know because you just mentioned that.

> Ahh you are so cute you don't even know
> Like seriously you don't even know
> You really don't look like a guy at all
> Is that rude?
> Sorry
> I just mean Marnie did a great job dressing you up
> You're cool with her dressing you up?
> Seriously I know you're a pushover but you can tell her no and she listens

> You don't think I look like a guy?

> Uhhh I mean it could be the angle of the pic??
> I dunno I just think you look cute I guess??

> Marnie did a really good job I think
> How do you feel?

> Ugh I hate it here so much
> I hate her so much
> One more day

> You get back on cred day. Do you wanna go shopping?

> Sure tho I def need some Marnie time after this
> I bet if I didn't have that night with you and her before I left I'd be crying in the bathroom instead of secretly texting in one

> Did you have fun that night? With me there?

> Yeah?? Weirdly
> But if things are ever weird or too much or whatever just say so
> Marnie can go overboard

> Hasn't happened yet
> Even when she got out the disney diapers
> You know me, I don't get rattled

> Uhhhh what

> ?

> I gotta go
> Ttyl

Well, that was weird. I mean, for Kylie, maybe not weird - maybe her Mom caught her hiding out in the bathroom? Maybe I said something I shouldn't have? I laid back on my bed and thought about that possibility, but I couldn't put my finger on anything I could have stumbled on. Mm. Maybe she really wasn't okay with the me and Marnie thing?

----------------------

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[Sophie ♥]

Chapter Twenty-Seven

I didn't get home until late afternoon the following day. My anxiety had been high since I learned that Marnie broke the rules. Or rather, she exploited a loophole. I wasn't okay with that! And she knew I was angry at her. More importantly, there was something else in my chest. If anxiety was a constant ache, a pounding demand, this felt like an emptiness. It wasn't a sickness - it was an absence of health. Like all my white blood cells took a vacation. Maybe I felt vulnerable? Or maybe I was exhausted? Either way, when I got home, I went straight to bed. Unfortunately, I forgot Eliot was coming over in the evening. I didn't get much sleep before hearing a knock on the door.

"Well you look like you're avoiding the world," I smiled when she opened the door, but she was the furthest thing from smiling. Honestly, she looked the kind of exhausted that only emotional exhaustion tended to cause. My attempts at humor didn't help.

"Yeah, sort of." I let him in and went to the kitchen to get a drink. Maybe some coffee would perk me up. I put a pot on and went back to Eliot in the living room, sitting next to him on the sofa. "I am so glad to be home."

"I'm glad you're home too. I always worry your Mom is going to reveal her true Mantis Form and devour you whole when you go to visit." That level of familiarity only came with knowing someone as intimately as I happened to know Kylie.

I looked at him with a weak smile and sunk into the sofa. I felt dead inside. Like someone hollowed me out with a pumpkin scooper. I hated her so much. And I hated that I hated her, because she's my mom. But that didn't give her an excuse to treat me the way she did.

"I wonder if I'm depressed. I wonder if Marnie can help with depression. She's pretty great with anxiety, so maybe? Blah." Talking about my feelings. I really must be out of it, huh?

"She's really good with anxiety, I can confirm. And a lot of anxiety and depression meds have cross coverage, so I bet that Marnie does too. Not that I think she has a suitable name to be a medication, though. Marnie. It's too simple. Maybe something catchy, like Marniewellzipane. Or something. I don't know, I'm not a doctor."

"You're funny," I said with a small smile and closed my eyes. It was strange, seeing him with my eyes open and seeing him with my eyes closed. That picture on my phone popped up behind my eyelids. Jeeze, he was pretty... "I missed this," I muttered, more to myself than to him. "Maybe I should stay at Marnie's tonight."

"I think that's a pretty good idea. She can dress you up in some pretty princess dress and make you feel like the center of the world."

I gave Eliot a sharp look, but it wasn't as sharp as usual. I was too exhausted to even be annoyed at him! Ugh. I sat upright on the sofa and pulled out my phone. If anyone could make me feel better, Marnie could.

"Sorry to bail on you," I sighed. "I just don't think I'll be a lot of fun right now."

"It's fine, I want you to be in the best possible place. And I don't mind spending the night at home tonight - I have the place to myself."

I wondered idly if I should invite him. It meant he would wear one of those cute nightgowns, right? Or maybe Marnie would do his hair like she did, or put him in makeup again... that would cheer me up for sure. But I knew Marnie was eager for some nighttime rules. If I brought Eliot, she'd have to wait. I didn't want to annoy her... maybe after I was feeling better.

"I'll catch up with you tomorrow - we can go shopping, maybe? If you're feeling better after your..." What did she call it? "Little Time?" Although history showed that she often spent more than a single night at Marnie’s.

*     *     *     *     *

"Yeah, I'm staying there again tonight." My good mood was back. Turns out, Marnie was good for all sorts of bad feelings! I walked alongside Eliot as he took me from one clothing store to another. I didn't care for his kind of shopping, but he sat at the game store for an hour while I talked to the clerk about a decade-old game. I sort of owed him.

"Was last night fun? Did you two do a movie again?" Admittedly, I'd only been there twice, and princess movies seemed to be the activity de jour based only on my own experiences. I wanted to ask if she asked about me, but that was ego-centric.

"Not quite," I muttered, looking away from him. Last night had been a different experience. Not a bad one! But not something I wanted to talk about. Nighttime rules were going to be a little different now, and that made me nervous. Not panic attack nervous, though.

"Anyway, uh... where are we going? To get more underwear?"

It was now or never, wasn't it? I played it just as cool as I could, the way people said cucumbers always were, and shrugged my shoulders. "I was actually thinking eyeliner maybe?" Topic change combo go. "I wanna hear about your night, though."

"Eyeliner?" Okay, so I wasn't the girliest girl, but I knew how to put on eyeliner. I thought back to the pictures of him at Marnie's place - he didn't have eyeliner then. I'd basically studied them. Hm... "Well, eyeliner sounds cool. You could probably pull it off. Just don't go overboard, or you'll look like a high school kid." He wasn't that big to start with.

"Maybe I wanna look like a high school kid." I stuck my tongue out and nudged her gently. "And maybe you're not answering my questions."

I sighed and rolled my eyes, as he led the both of us into a make-up store. Hey, something I probably knew about fashion that he didn't! This wouldn't be half as bad as clothes shopping.

"It's weird. She pushes the envelope a bit. Like... all this kid stuff was her idea. And I'm doing it because she likes it, and because it helps. So she's... I dunno. Trying to... try new... things..." I didn't want to talk about this!

"What kinds of new things?" Jeez, there were even more brands then when I'd done nail polish shopping. Dizzying. "Come on, everything I did with her is new, and you got pictures of me. The least you can do is share."

"That isn't true. The least I can do is ignore you." I smirked and led him up to one of the counters. No way he would be good at liquid eyeliner at first - no it was best to start simple. I picked out a brand I was familiar with - one I trusted not to smudge after ten minutes - and handed him the pencil. "This one's good. Though, you should try brown. It will match your tones better."

"My every instinct tells me not to put something shaped like a pencil near my eyeballs. How do you get over that aversion?" I'd never seen brown eyeliner before, although my eyeliner experiences were more-or-less limited to what I'd see girls wear. To be honest, I was usually much more focused on their clothes. Well, their sense of fashion.

"It's the same as getting used to anything else," I said with a shrug of my shoulders. "Do it enough, and eventually you'll get over it." I checked the price on the eyeliner - I was always a cheap girl, so Eliot wouldn't have a problem affording it. Then it got me thinking... "Hey, do you just want eyeliner, or like... other makeup?"

"I don't know. Marnie has like this whole chest of it, I guess? And I feel like if she's going to be doing that to me when I'm there, I should at least be decent enough to bring my own? But what she has must have cost a fortune." That was how I was justifying all of this, it seemed. For Marnie. Or something.

"Makeup lasts forever and you go through it, like... really slowly. I still have eyeliner pencils from high school. So don't worry about using Marnie's stuff." I started going through their mascara section. Eliot had really nice eyelashes in that picture... I wonder what brand Marnie bought. "Anyway, Marnie likes doing stuff for other people. It fulfills her, sort of."

"I wanna know about last night. I wanna know what new thing you did." I picked up a mascara and looked at the packaging, like that meant anything to me.

"Not a chance," I said simply and handed him a tube of mascara. "This one should help your eyelashes look a bit thicker. It'll go great with eyeliner, promise." Eliot in eyeliner and mascara. Ahh, what a cute thought! I thought back to those pictures... eye shadow, maybe? But more importantly, blush. I went to the other side of the store.

"Where are we going now?" I followed after her, trying to keep up with whatever spirit had possessed my best friend. "And come on tell me! I'll make you a bargain or something? Slave for a day? That's what the kids would say."

"Listen. It's Marnie's thing, right? So am I even allowed to talk to you about it, hm?" I gave him a sideways smile, because I knew my argument was foolproof. Sure, Marnie probably wouldn't care. And she already treated Eliot like a Little. But without express permission? Well, my hands were tied!

"So I thought you could use some blush, but..." Well, admittedly, I'd never worn it before. It was for more of a "cute" look. I didn't go for that. "This one will probably be fine."

"So I'll ask Marnie. I have her on social media." I took out my phone without breaking eye contact with Kylie. Blush. Why name a makeup after a physical bodily response? That seemed needlessly confusing.

I puffed out my cheeks in annoyance and threw the well of blush at him. He barely caught it, and almost dropped his phone in the process. "Do you want my help shopping? Do you want me to pick out good makeup for you? Huh? Because you're not being very appreciative!"

"Okay okay," I laughed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just wanna know. You invited me into this and now I'm all curious and junk."

"I didn't invite you into anything; I used you to my advantage. You're a tool at best!" I stormed off and Eliot followed behind. By the time we found the concealers, I was over it already. "You probably don't need this stuff, since you've got like... baby soft skin. Maybe a primer, and some powder?" Honestly, it might just be overkill at this point. I wondered how Marnie did it...

"I do not have baby soft skin." Wait why was I arguing? I knew I had good skin. Maybe I was just being contrary. Probably. "I'm at your disposal, but I pre-ordered some panties and I still need credits for that, so I can't spend too much."

"Fine, fine..." I opened up the photos app on my phone and skimmed to find the picture of him. Gosh, he was so pretty. Let's see here... mascara... maybe eye shadow? Hm... oh! I went to the lipsticks at the counter and fished around until I found something simple. I held it out for Eliot to see. "This lip gloss is mostly clear, but a tiny bit pink and it has some sparkles in it. Definitely important for your image."

"My... image?"

"Yeah? Like. Cute. Right?" Was I getting ahead of myself?

"Oh. Yeah. I'm all about that. Cute. Let's get that one." Though I didn’t understand the point of clear lip gloss.  I was so new to all this.

In the end, all the makeup together cost less than one pair of panties from his store. Which, incidentally, was where we were going next. He had an order or something to pick up, and Caroline was eager to greet us.

----------------------

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[YourFNF]

On 12/13/2020 at 12:22 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

Chapter Twenty-Six

 

> I gotta go
> Ttyl

Well, that was weird. I mean, for Kylie, maybe not weird - maybe her Mom caught her hiding out in the bathroom? Maybe I said something I shouldn't have? I laid back on my bed and thought about that possibility, but I couldn't put my finger on anything I could have stumbled on. Mm. Maybe she really wasn't okay with the me and Marnie thing?

----------------------

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I like Ellie's friends they're good boys ?

2 hours ago, Sophie ♥ said:

"My every instinct tells me not to put something shaped like a pencil near my eyeballs. How do you get over that aversion?" I'd never seen brown eyeliner before, although my eyeliner experiences were more-or-less limited to what I'd see girls wear. To be honest, I was usually much more focused on their clothes. Well, their sense of fashion.

TBH I've been in trasition for three years and mostly finished socially but still haven't. I don't wear makeup often cause low executive function and broke ??

[ARNB19]

There aren't many stories I come back looking everyday for a new chapter. This one is keeping me so involved and interested in the characters, so well done. 

[Sophie ♥]

3 hours ago, ARNB19 said:

There aren't many stories I come back looking everyday for a new chapter. This one is keeping me so involved and interested in the characters, so well done. 

THANK YOU SO MUCH!   This is the highest compliment we can get. And I promise the characters only get better as the story goes on. 

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter Twenty-Eight

"Well if it isn't my two favorite purveyors of pretty panties, and not a moment too soon. Eliot, your order came in! And Kylie, doll, how was that fit and finish? Much more comfortable, right?" Caroline sure was chipper today.

"Very good! Uh, actually I'd love to get another bra, if you have time to help me?" It had been a few weeks since I saw Caroline, but I'd worn my new bra every single day. I legitimately couldn't go back to my old ones, and I tried! The panties were comfortable too, but they weren't so life-changing. Anyway, I had no one to impress.

"I've always got time to help you, sugar. Is Eliot being a sweet little knight this time, or will you be taking the purchase plunge yourself?" Or, in other words, did she have a maximum budget to stay under.

"Uh, no. I got this one." Eliot had spent too much money the last time we were here, and I didn't have a lot to buy this month. Rent was paid and I still had a ton of groceries. Plus, the game I bought was on sale. Caroline led me through the store to the bra section, where we spent a lot of time last visit. I had black... maybe something blue? Or white? Pink was just overkill... Eliot followed us, which wasn't all that strange. Though I thought he might go looking at new panties or something. Whatever, I didn't mind if he saw which bra I was buying.

"Prints are very in fashion right now. Polka dots, flowers, hearts - they've rotating down from 'what your grandma wears' to 'what your little sister wears' and fashion tends to follow the youthful trends. But basics never go out of style, either."

"She's right," I nodded, pulling at the hem of my jeans to flash the waistband of the heart-printed white panties I was wearing.

Well, Marnie might like that? I mean... she was the only person that saw me in my underwear anyway. Might as well... "The polka dot one, maybe?" It was white with a few different primary colored dots. Lighter print, too, so I could hide it under white shirts. Then I saw a one that matched Eliot's panties. Baby pink with red hearts. I bit my lip...

"You don't wear bras, right?" I asked Eliot.

I did a little pat-pat on my chest and shook my head. "I'm about as flat as a chalkboard, so no need."

"Maybe you're just a late bloomer?" Caroline suggested, winking.

"Or a fashionable young man who appreciates the perks of comfort. You two focus on you two, I've got my order."

Caroline sifted through the rack and let out a sigh. "Let me see if we have your size in the back," she said and disappeared into the back.

I stood awkwardly in the center of a very expensive lingerie store with my best friend, wondering about him. Wondering why I even cared! But... ugh.

"So. Um. You're my sister at Marnie's, right? A bra would totally help you look the part..."

"That's what Marnie said too," I smiled and rolled my eyes, "but I don't think girls our age wear bras, do they?"

...well, that was a good point, huh? I puffed out my cheeks a little and fiddled idly with one of the bra clasps. "Sure, but... I dunno. I have boobs either way, right? And that's not really age-appropriate. So. I dunno. Maybe you should get one. Just for Marnie's place." I didn't make eye contact with Eliot as I told him this. It really wasn't my kind of suggestion.

"I guess that makes sense," I rubbed my chin, thoughtfully. "And it would sure give Caroline and Marnie something to be smug about. Oh but then I'm going to just have another type of clothing to spend way too many of my credits on, and I don't know if I can handle another fashion addiction. Plus then there's coordination to worry about. I know Marnie's got a lot of those padded panties, but I bet they don't coordinate with pretty bras now, do they?"

Was he actually considering this? Or was he humoring me? I crossed my arms and turned to him. "Look, you only really need one. And the only person who is going to see is Marnie, and maybe me. So what it looks like isn't even that important."

"You're pushing awful hard for this."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm being practical. You're being stubborn."

"Alright," I nodded my head with that kind of smile I only tended to wear around Kylie, "but you have to pick it out for me."

"Sure!" I said with maybe too much excitement. Anyway, I already knew which one to get him.

"And I want to stay at Marnie's with you tonight."

My excitement soured a bit. Marnie had plans for us, and this might interfere. But Eliot in matching underwear and bra? He would be so cute...

"Fine." Marnie would get over it.

"You relented on that pretty easily this time. Are you..." What was the term she used before? “Using me to your advantage again, hmm? Trying to get daytime rules at night, maybe?" I stuck my tongue out at my best friend.

He didn't even know the half of it. But luckily for me, Caroline came back a minute later with my bra in hand. Plus, they were having a special on matching sets, so I could get some panties for half off! I wouldn't have considered it if they weren't.

"Hey Caroline, could you size Eliot for a bra?" The way her eyes lit up was answer enough.

Size me. Did they make sizes for ‘is a boy’? Probably not. But I'd earned myself another night in the Mysterious Garden of Marnie & Kylie, and I could accept the consequences of that. Caroline led me by the hand - she actually took my hand - to the changing rooms, and Kylie followed with a delightful spring in her step.

"Oh, you're coming to watch the show, Ky?"

"What? Oh. Uh. No, I..." I paused outside the changing room. I hadn't been thinking. I shook my head and took a step back. "I'm going to pick a print for you." The print was chosen before I arrived at the rack. The pink one with the hearts. It would match his underwear. I'd never seen Eliot in panties before, to be honest, but I was thinking about it a lot today. Though seeing him in panties was probably a bit different to seeing a girl in some, right?

"So this is a big step for you, isn't it?" Caroline asked, while she fished her tape measure out of the elegantly buttoned pocket on her cardigan.

I shrugged my shoulders in response. "Is it?"

"Well, you know, a boy’s first bra - you know they say you never forget your first."

"Do they?" I pursed my lips, grateful that we weren't facing the mirrored wall in here. I'd never been afraid of mirrors before, but I was honestly afraid the incongruence would set me off again, so I was just precautious more than anything.

"Arms up," she prompted, and Kylie obeyed.

"Is it only boys who never forget? You know, I'd have thought this would be a pretty momentous thing for girls too, but I guess if it's only boys…" She laughed and rolled her eyes.

"You're so silly sometimes, Eliot."

It was a weird shopping trip. I bought new underwear and so did Eliot. But they were the same style of underwear, the same style of bra. I wondered if this was how lesbians felt, knowing they could share clothes and stuff. But Eliot would never let me wear his clothes - they were too nice for me. We stopped at my place to water my plants and pick up the mail. No one important sent letters anymore though. Then we were off to Marnie's. I had warned her about Eliot coming over, but she hadn't replied yet.

----------------------

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[ARNB19]

Another great chapter, never long enough for my taste. Really looking forward to the next chapter for sure!

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter Twenty-Nine

"Do you think she'll mind?" Kylie seemed lost in thought, and it was like my question surprised her, and she gave me a 'huh?' kind of look and sound, so I repeated the question. "Do you think Marnie will mind me coming over?"

"Probably not," I said. I knew we had plans tonight, but those plans were ephemeral. We could do them any other night. And this was the only way Eliot would buy a bra! Surely she would understand. I pulled up outside her house and led Eliot to the front door. But when Marnie opened the door, even before seeing Eliot, she looked none too happy.

"We made plans, Kylie, and you know how much those plans mean to me. I already paid out on my end of the deal."

Her arms were crossed, and I didn't think I'd ever seen her in such a huff. I suddenly found myself with a pretty darn big flight response. "Uh, I can go?" I offered, which seemed to at least have her notice me.

Marnie sighed and moved out of the doorway, welcoming us inside. But I didn't feel very welcome, and I was sure Eliot didn't either.

"Can you go wait in the guest room, El?" Marnie asked the boy. "I need to have a serious talk with Kylie."

Ugh, she even spoke like a mom... I crossed my arms and stood in the foyer with annoyance written all over my face. But Marnie didn't get upset very often, and I didn't know what to expect.

"This isn't about you wanting to include Eliot, young lady, because I've prompted you invite him several times. This is about you wanting to welch out on a deal we made, and I'm very cross with you right now." Cross. Arms crossed. It checked out.

"I didn't do anything wrong," I said sharply, staring her down, which was a lot harder when you're half a foot shorter than someone. "I texted you and you didn't say no, so that's your fault."

"No, you texted me and told me, and you din't ask me. You didn't think about anything other than what you wanted, Kylie. And I'm your caregiver, your Mommy, your support when you need it, your source of infinite patience and adoration. But I'm not your doormat, okay?"

I looked up at her with a bit of shock, then puffed out my cheeks in frustration. "He asked! He wanted to, not me!"

"And there are other nights for her to stay over."

"Well, it was important!" Did she say 'her'? "Not everything is Mommy time, you know. Maybe I don't want to play tonight!"

"And if you'd said that you weren't feeling it, we could have talked about that, too, but you're missing the point entirely." Marnie took a deep breath, because this would only escalate unless she took a moment to center herself. One. Two. Okay. "Kylie, I told you that I was upset because you were only thinking about yourself. And your entire defense has been a string of comments all about yourself."

"It has nothing to do with me! Eliot got a bra, and he wanted to try it on, and it's like, a Little thing. And I said sure 'cause I figured you would want that!"

"Why do I care if he has a bra?"

"I... you're the one that wanted him to be my sister, not me! Ugh, you're so annoying!" Our conversation was way off track. Honestly, I wasn't even sure what we were fighting about. She was angry at me, so I was angry back. That's how it worked. I had always been like that.

"When you're Little, we make it all about you. That's one of the joys of a Mommy/Daughter relationship, Kylie. But when you're not - and that includes any time you're not actively with me, dressed up cute, and being my princess? You have a responsibility to think about others. And that includes me. And Ellie, for that matter, how do you think she feels knowing we're in here fighting?"

"Ugh! I don't care!" I screamed at her. Like, actually yelled. And I saw Marnie do something she had never done before. I saw her give up.

"I want you to leave."

I blinked. Frozen. She... what?

"You don't care about me or what I want. You don't care about how I feel. I drop everything for you to help with your anxiety. I always respect your boundaries. But I'm tired of being taken for granted. If you don't care, then I don't want you here."

"I..." I looked at Marnie and I felt an ache in my chest. Maybe I was about to have a panic attack. But it wasn't anxiety and it wasn't depression. It was guilt. I felt my eyes fill up with tears, and I did my best to hold them back. Unfortunately my best wasn't very good.

Crying was a pretty effective way to get to Marnie's heart - and she had a big heart at that, but even the tears didn't do much to melt her steely resolve. At first. After a few moments, though, Marnie sighed and wrapped Kylie up in her arms, pulling the crying girl into her chest. What was she even supposed to say now?

"I'm sorry," I muttered into her chest, closing my eyes to try to stop the tears. I hated crying. I hated this. But she was right... "I didn't mean it... I care. About... about you, and what you feel, and all that. I was being selfish, and... I'm sorry, I really am..."

"It's okay to be self-loving, and self-caring; it’s just sometimes hard to see where that ends and selfishness begins. I really treasure you and adore you, Kylie, I just need to feel something back, too."

"I've been trying," I muttered, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. "I really have..."

"I know. I know you're pushing your comfort zone, because of things I like. But that's not the point. It's about trust. And love. And letting me take care of you. And when Ellie's here, you aren't as likely to do that."

I nodded my head. I knew there was a lot more to this relationship than 'doing what she wanted'. She had opened me up to a whole different world, one where I could feel... safe. Calm. Happy. And she just wanted to share more of it with me. The worst part was? I liked it...

"I didn't know I was getting in the way," I sighed. "I thought if you had two Littles, it would be better. Twice the attention, and caring, and all that stuff you like."

"Two Littles is a lot of fun, two little princesses. You're on the right track, darling, you really are. But right now you use Ellie as an excuse to avoid fully immersing yourself, so I have to pick between One Little Princess who'll give me her everything, or two little princesses that are both half closed up and not being themselves. And if we're going to help Ellie find herself, I need you to be at your absolute best."

I knew what she was getting at. I didn't like it...

"Nighttime rules tonight," Marnie said. "And you're in trouble for not talking to me first, before bringing your friend over. Whether you want Ellie to stay or not is up to you, but the rest is non-negotiable."

Great… I crossed my arms and looked at my feet. She was right - the last time Eliot was over, I slipped in and out of Littlespace a few times. That wasn't normal. If I really wanted him to be a part of things, that couldn't be conditional. It wasn't fair to Marnie. Ugh...

"I'll talk to him..."

"Her." Marnie corrected, sternly, and then pointed at the door. "I'll be out when you're done."

Eliot was waiting awkwardly on my bed, in the childishly appointed guest room. I hadn't thought about it before, but Marnie shouldn't have sent him in here alone. He could have snooped around! Luckily, he wasn't really the type. I stood in front of him with an ounce of trepidation and looked down at my feet.

"We gotta talk..."

"I don't think any happy conversation has ever started with those words." I smirked, but she didn't, so I stopped.

"I... I have to like, level with you. Sort of. Um..." I was uncomfortable, that much was clear. I didn't want to do this! But I knew it couldn't go on the way it had been. It wasn't working for Marnie. And if it wasn't working for her, it wasn't working for us.

"So far, you've been like... in the shallow end of all this Little stuff. Because Marnie cares about me and didn't want to make me uncomfortable. But I think I'm making her uncomfortable now? So... so we have to make some changes." Deep breath, Kylie... "I know this isn't your thing. Being here. Pretending to be my sister, or whatever. You're just doing it because you're a good friend. But it's... a lot more than that to us. I know I say it's Marnie's thing, but like, it's also... one of maybe three things in my life that really makes me happy."

"That's a pretty big pedigree right there, huh?" I ruminated on that for a moment, but didn't let myself get into notions of what those three things could be. What was most surprising to me was the fact she was doing something for Marnie. Kylie was, by and large, a force of nature, and I didn't think I'd ever seen her alter her behaving for the comfort of someone else. "It must mean a lot to you."

"Yeah, it does..." Who would have thought, dressing like a baby and letting a grown woman be my Mommy was what I needed in life? This was so fucking weird... "Anyway, um. I don't think I can keep this up. The half-in, half-out thing. So..." This was the hardest conversation I'd ever had. Maybe second hardest.

"I really like having a sister, but maybe you shouldn't play with us anymore. I mean, 'cause you don't really want to. Nighttime rules are different than daytime ones, and if you keep doing it just to make me happy, I think I'd just feel self-conscious and guilty."

"It makes me happy, too." That answer came far too readily, like maybe it was out of desperation? It was hard to tell, but I bit my lip and decided to be a little more measured with my approach. "I mean... it's nice, being doted over? I don't have a lot of guy friends; they think I'm too soft. And not many girl friends either, because I don't fit some stupid archetype of what they think someone ought to be. But you make me feel happy, and Marnie makes me feel happy, like I belong somewhere, so?"

I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms, looking all too serious. "It's not just a game to play when you're lonely. You can still hang out with us. That has nothing to do with this."

"I know." I shrugged, losing a little steam, puffed out cheeks and all. "I just like being a part of it, and..." Wow, that was an unpleasant feeling, wasn't it? "I'm... struggling with some stuff?"

"Well sorry to burst your bubble, but my Littlespace isn't really a playground for you to work through your issues." He was getting on my nerves. This wasn't a game!

"Didn't you do it because someone else wanted you to," I asked, "and you wound up liking it?"

My glare softened, but I kept my arms crossed. He did have a point...

"If you don't want me to be a part of things, that's fine Kylie. I just don't want you blaming me for it, and being like 'well you don't like it the proper way' or something? I don't know."

I should have told him off. But the weird thing was? I did want him to be a part of things. I liked having a sister... "Fine... tell me what it's like. How it makes you feel." Chances were, he was just lonely and this was an excuse to hang out. He didn't understand what it really felt like to be Little.

"Safe." And it was really the first word that came to mind, but it came with such clarity and certainty that I just out and said it. She looked at me, her expression still expectant, and I reluctantly relented on elaborating. "Like there's no expectation, no mold, just... safe. I guess?"

Well, that was a pretty good answer. I wasn't fully convinced, but... "If you want to stay, you can," I muttered, looking at the floor. "But nighttime rules are really different. And you can't half-ass it. You want to be Little, then you're Little. And if you laugh at me I will kick your ass!" Despite my bravado, Eliot could see how nervous I was. This was very vulnerable territory. I felt a rise of anxiety just thinking about it. If I had a panic attack in Littlespace, I don't know what I'd do. I had no defenses there...

"I'll do everything you do, and I won't laugh at you. And you can laugh at me if you want." That first night, those criteria had put her at ease, so I figured it was worth giving it another shot.

I let out a deep sigh and played with my fingers in front of me. I never thought this would happen. I never thought Eliot would be here, literally and metaphorically. Things were getting so real...

"I'll go tell Marnie," I muttered under my breath, and returned to the woman waiting in the kitchen. Here goes nothing...

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[YourFNF]

Fuck this was a rough conversation but oh so necessary. Good on Marnie for calling Kylie and setting boundaries and for Kylie to realize she fucked up and needs to make ammends. Also proud of Ellie for taking steps forward..... Gahhhh so many feelings!

[Sophie ♥]

On 12/17/2020 at 7:33 PM, ARNB19 said:

Another great chapter, never long enough for my taste.

We try to keep our chapters in the realm of 2k words, but that deviates sometimes depending on how a scene goes.

23 hours ago, Hopsalot said:

It seems like chapter 30 we learn what night time rules are along with Ellie! I’m excited!

Yep! ^_~ 

16 hours ago, YourFNF said:

Fuck this was a rough conversation but oh so necessary. Good on Marnie for calling Kylie and setting boundaries and for Kylie to realize she fucked up and needs to make ammends. 

I agree!  It's okay to make mistakes, but when stuff gets pushed too far you have to put down some firm lines so everyone knows what's going on.  I'm really proud of Marnie for this moment.