His New World

[Mugi]

@PoohBearBB From what I read you are a good writer and have potential.

If you want constructive criticism then I guess I got two points which maybe can help you.

First. you don't need to give so much information in the backstory but you can reveal details as the story progressess maybe?
Second. You could explore more of the main characters flaws like how he was different as a child and got bullied for it. Show how he is different now when he is an adult?

 

[Eagle0769]

23 hours ago, PoohBearBB said:

Well thank you! I’m very self conscious about all my writing. While I don’t mind constructive criticism, I can’t bear the trolls lol. 
 

as for a scarf, well I’ll just say that it was available. The reason will be made clear in the next chapter, I promise. It should be done this weekend.

Ok thank you PoohBearBB I understand now.

Don't change a thing your story is great and I understand were Will and you are.

Can't wait for the next chapter.

[junyour]

I have only 1 complaint with this story.  I have been patiently waiting for an update and am missing this tale on the front page.. Please soothe my desires.  A do understand real life must take the lead.

 

[PoohBearBB]

7 hours ago, junyour said:

I have only 1 complaint with this story.  I have been patiently waiting for an update and am missing this tale on the front page.. Please soothe my desires.  A do understand real life must take the lead.

 

I can only apologize. Work is quite hectic, with quarantine I am doing the job of 8 people alone right now rofl. And while I’ve been anxious to continue, I don’t want to rush the story just to get an update out. But I promise it hasn’t died!

[Jayme]

PoohBear,

It's True that life tends to derail many plans at times. I'm sorry to hear that you are stuck doing the work of 8 people due to this nightmare pandemic and I really hope you can get some help soon even if it is to prevent you from burning out. Stay safe and remember we will be here when you are able to post your next chapter.

[keith60]

the story was good but it was too short 

[Jayme]

How did I manage to miss this story... Parts of Will's description fit all to well and allow me to relate very well to him. I'm really interested in seeing what you have planned next.

[Eagle0769]

On 9/28/2020 at 6:59 AM, PoohBearBB said:

Thanks guys, your kind words mean a lot. I’ve already started on part 3.

 

The plan so far is that this will work kind of as a draft copy, and once I’ve completed it here I will review/edit and post the story for all to read as one long document. I’m considering multiple options for that (kindle, Patreon, GoodReads etc.) so if you have an idea throw it out! It’ll all be considered, and can only improve the story.

Only a suggestion as asked. One of the things I like in stories I write is the bonding between Mommy and Baby. Mommy having her baby bond with her as she nurses her baby. I love how this is written so sweet and innocent. :-)