My journey to 24x7

[sparklezBear]

Since my last update, things have been steadily improving. My levels of stress have dropped and I've been sleeping properly again, waking with a soaked nappy without any recollection of going. Sleeping properly has also improved my mood greatly, reflecting just how important it is to me to wet my nappy while asleep. Waking up this way feels so right and starts my day in such a nice way. I suspect this goes back to my early childhood, and I do have one distinct memory of waking up one morning near the age of 3, sticking my hand down into my nappy, discovering that I was very wet. I recall it being a surprise, but then it felt so normal and right. This may well have been one of my first more conscious memories.

With the low levels of stress, my little is also back in the fore. However, that's something that surprised me about this whole situation as my inner little hid away under stress, rather than being an outlet. I don't really understand why that was the case. Reading the forums and talking to others, it seems little time can serve as an outlet for stress. I would like that to be the case for me too. Perhaps this is something I can change, perhaps not. Next time I'm feeling under the pump, I'm going to put in a more concerted effort to let my little out. Fake it till you make it right?

With respect to nappies, I've been wearing some form of padding 24/7 for about 6 weeks now, using only outside of work. This has been working well, and I can't see any other way than forward. Outside of work, I generally don't have to put any real thought into wetting. At home I tend to be in a automatic-frequent-dribbling stage. I wouldn't say this is unconscious,  but it's certainly not something I have to think about. Away from home, I get random sensations of a small bladder full, releasing reflexively. I've also been starting to wet while driving, which has been quite a challenge in the past. I'm not sure what it is about driving that made it a challenge.

On days not working, I tend to go through 3 nappies daily. I go through two mid-capacity nappies during the day (eg ABU Preschools or Abena M3s depending on outings). Overnight I've been using higher capacity nappies such as ABU Simples or Pink Revels which are usually quite soaked come morning. While I was using cloth overnight for a short while, they began to leak come morning. I'm guessing this is because I drink more water in warmer months, maybe resulting in more wetting overnight when I'm horizontal and cooler. At times I might also substitute a nappy for something more fun like a Monster, Bunnyhop or Alpaca. I can also manage on only two nappies per day by using something like an Alpaca during the day, but they're not at all discreet on my thin frame. At home that's fine, but I won't go out in public that way. My nappies are my business.

Something else that has popped up since wearing 24/7. I've been noting a faint and occasional odour about me of nappies. To be clear, this smell isn't urine, rather it's the faint somewhat sweet plasticy-chemical smell from the nappy which I've spoken about previously. It's not something that I mind at all, and reminds me of the nappy I'm wearing, wet or dry as the case may be. And being quite faint, I'm not sure others will notice. Even if they do, I doubt anyone other than someone else who wears nappies would be able to identify the source. 

With respect to nappies at work, I've a bit longer to wait. And while keen to jump straight into wetting my pants, I also want to be very careful with the way I achieve my nappy dependence. I really don't want to jeopardise my job. With this said, I'm thinking that a 6ish-month plan and time frame may be achievable without rocking the boat. At the same time, I know that once I get started, it's going to be very hard to restrain myself. It will be a very interesting time.

[BabyJilly_S]

Thank you for posting and keeping updates going. I am glad you are in a better less stressed headspace.

As i work from home during lockdown i have gone 24/7 also, just using pullups when i visit relatives once a week. Not sure what will happen when we have to go back to the office, but for the moment being diapered and in a little space has brought me a feeling of comfort and security I didn't know i needed and don't want to give up. 

[oznl]

15 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

Something else that has popped up since wearing 24/7. I've been noting a faint and occasional odour about me of nappies. To be clear, this smell isn't urine, rather it's the faint somewhat sweet plasticy-chemical smell from the nappy which I've spoken about previously. It's not something that I mind at all, and reminds me of the nappy I'm wearing, wet or dry as the case may be. And being quite faint, I'm not sure others will notice. Even if they do, I doubt anyone other than someone else who wears nappies would be able to identify the source.

Yes.  I’ve noticed this towards the end of a long shift in a high capacity nappy that’s been well used.

Last night was a dinner party for which I’d changed into a BetterDry.  At bedtime, I’d pulled on some lined waterproofs over the top of the same BetterDry and stayed in it until morning.  By this time it had been on me for nearly 14 hours and was well used.

I didn’t leak but when I sat up in bed, it forced some air out of my waterproofs and I caught that distinct chemical whiff.  I’ve noticed the same when sitting down in wet work nappies towards the end of a day at the office (back when that was a thing).

I’m going to say that the smell cannot be attributed to nappies by regular folk and is at best considered inoffensive.  My partner has complained about the smell of my wet cloth nappies in the morning but has never commented on the disposables other than to indicate her preference for me to use them.  Either she hasn't noticed it or more likely, she doesn't know what it is and it doesn't bother her.

I suspect it’s the odour neutralizing chemicals at work inhibiting ammonia formation.

[sparklezBear]

On 11/21/2020 at 12:46 PM, oznl said:

I’m going to say that the smell cannot be attributed to nappies by regular folk and is at best considered inoffensive.  My partner has complained about the smell of my wet cloth nappies in the morning but has never commented on the disposables other than to indicate her preference for me to use them.  Either she hasn't noticed it or more likely, she doesn't know what it is and it doesn't bother her.

 

I suspect it’s the odour neutralizing chemicals at work inhibiting ammonia formation.

I have to agree with you there.

Mind you, I've been smelling it faintly on myself in a dry pull-up nappy during a work day. So if it's not coming from the dry nappy, then it's something clinging to me. I do wash well and keep hair to an absolute minimum, which works well according to my nose. I wonder if this chemical smell is something that might get into the skin a little? Again, I don't mind the smell at all, and as you say, vanilla people aren't going to know what it is.

On 11/21/2020 at 12:46 PM, oznl said:

Last night was a dinner party for which I’d changed into a BetterDry.  At bedtime, I’d pulled on some lined waterproofs over the top of the same BetterDry and stayed in it until morning.  By this time it had been on me for nearly 14 hours and was well used.

I might be tempted to say something like I don't know how you get your nappies stretch so far, except the reason I don't is obvious. Throughout the day, I drink more than I did pre-nappies, although that's partially a reflection of poor hydration previously. On occasions when I've forgotten to drink, my nappies do last longer, although can smell a little. There's a happy medium somewhere. I'll worry about finding it once I can use my nappies 24/7.

 

On 11/21/2020 at 2:38 AM, BabyJilly_S said:

As i work from home during lockdown i have gone 24/7 also, just using pullups when i visit relatives once a week. Not sure what will happen when we have to go back to the office, but for the moment being diapered and in a little space has brought me a feeling of comfort and security I didn't know i needed and don't want to give up. 

I too find that nappies bring me such comfort and security. I would like to understand why that is eventually. In the mean time, they're a permanent fixture in my life and I can't imagine ever going back. I hope that you get to keep your nappies when you return to work in your office.

[oznl]

5 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

I might be tempted to say something like I don't know how you get your nappies stretch so far, except the reason I don't is obvious. Throughout the day, I drink more than I did pre-nappies, although that's partially a reflection of poor hydration previously. On occasions when I've forgotten to drink, my nappies do last longer, although can smell a little. There's a happy medium somewhere. I'll worry about finding it once I can use my nappies 24/7.

I have some science behind this as I measured my pee output carefully over a 3 months sample period:

Avg day ml output	Avg night ml output	Avg 24 hrs ml output	ml per hour day	ml per hour night
1,091	1,110	2,201	121	77

The pee quantities and generation rates all seem well within normal.  If anything, slightly on the high side but nothing worth writing home about.  I conclude that my kidneys are in good working order.

Asking for 1.1 litres absorbency out of a nappy that carries a 5 litre ISO seems to be fine 95% of the time.  The other 5% it's small stuff.  A damp spot here or there, usually caught by the insurance policy of plastic pants.

I used to run three (lower capacity) nappies per day but it was just too much hassle and it costs more as well.  I don't know why people do it.

I'd wondered about skin breakdown as with a two nappy per day diet, I'm pretty wet most of the time but outside of occasional stupidity on my part, it hasn't been a problem.  I use sudocreme at every change.

Of course if I was using nappies for #2, all bets would be off as I'd have to change nearly immediately it happened.

 

[sparklezBear]

6 hours ago, oznl said:

The pee quantities and generation rates all seem well within normal.  If anything, slightly on the high side but nothing worth writing home about.  I conclude that my kidneys are in good working order.

Asking for 1.1 litres absorbency out of a nappy that carries a 5 litre ISO seems to be fine 95% of the time.  The other 5% it's small stuff.  A damp spot here or there, usually caught by the insurance policy of plastic pants.

I used to run three (lower capacity) nappies per day but it was just too much hassle and it costs more as well.  I don't know why people do it.

I really must start measuring some more. From testing when starting with cloth, my night nappies are usually ~1400mL. Mind you, I continue to intentionally ingest about 500mL right before bed to ensure bedwetting occurs. I did reduce that while wearing cloth at night, but increased it again when I recently moved back to disposable.

For day nappies, I can use either two moderate nappies (ABU Preschool / Playdayz / Abena M3), or one big capacity (Safari, Alpaca, or boosted Abena M4). Judging based on weight as I've not measured, I'd be averaging about 900mL per medium level nappy (~1800mL in day). However, again, I have intentionally increased fluid intake. With that said, if I'm out and about, not able to drink as much, my output is far more normal, and one moderate nappy can see me through a day.

I started to increase my drinking when I started to wear nappies again earlier this year. Aside from drinking before bed, I don't really have a great rationale for doing this. I think it was mainly to ensure a frequent demand from my bladder to release, to train my bladder as much as possible. In retrospect, it was probably a pointless endeavour as I wasn't wearing nappies all the time.

Over the coming weekend, I'm going to try and normalise my drinking during the day and see how far I can go. I'm still not able to wear some of the more capacious nappies discreetly, but there may be a middle ground to be had.

 

[BabyJilly_S]

I never drank enough fluids in the past as i have always had a bladder the size of a walnut and didn't want to be going to the loo every five minutes.

Now I am in diapers I am still struggling to drink enough even though i know its important. I am really trying to break that habit as i did have a kidney stone two years ago that was pretty excruciating.  It took two doses of morphine to stop me feeling it passing and the docs said to drink more....

Oh and +1 for the sudocrem and lots of baby powder combo, has kept my skin perfectly together so far .... 

 

[sparklezBear]

Just a short update today.

Slowly but surely, day by day I'm slipping further closer to the sea of 24/7 nappy usage. Wearing nappies 24/7 has become second nature, and using nappies outside of work involves no real thought any more except when driving. Even then, it's becoming easier and easier. At night, my bedwetting continues, and outside of occasional unaware leaks as can happen in the day, I'm now also starting to have to catch myself at work before an pseudo-automatic release of my bladder that regularly happens outside of work. That is both encouraging and frustrating. So close, yet so far... 

As I've spoken about previously, I'm starting to plan the transition to using nappies at work. Achieving this is still tricky owing to a my work environment and role, although certainly not insurmountable. I still feel that involving my doctor is the best way forward to keep my employment secure. This is based on the way that health concerns are taken very seriously, and being a bad fibber (and hate to lie in any case), telling the truth that I'm talking to my doctor about this "problem" is about as honest as I can afford to be. From my last chat, my doctor feels that my previous surgery is the likely cause of the unaware current bladder leakage, which probably is actually the case. This being the situation, next year I will start to allow some of those small automatic releases during the work day. Then over perhaps a 6-month period, I'd like to go from occasional leakage to more overt occasional incontinence. During this time, I will try to keep my doctor updated, aware that this "problem" is getting worse. In truth, I'm hoping that these automatic releases are going to snowball, finally making me medically nappy dependent. I'm not sure yet how far I can push my mind to achieve this without conscious thought (as per bedwetting), but I will give it my all.

Since my last update, I have also been recording my nappies, volumes and more. I have also been trying to keep a lid on the additional fluids I'd been drinking, which is absolutely reflected in the volumes in my nappies. Probably unsurprisingly, this is also resulting in fewer leaks, and I can make stretch nappies further. Whether this will result in a two-nappy-per-day diet or three I don't know. At home, I can probably use two per day. At work where discretion is more important, I will probably do three per day (one or two medical nappies per shift). Once I have collected maybe a couple of months more data, I will start to do some analysis. Thank you @oznl for the inspiration ?.

 

[sparklezBear]

Another short update, really only about an event this last week.

With some mixed feelings, over the last week I've had a couple of small accidents, messing myself on two occasions. The first event occurred at work. Unable to get away from what I was doing for a short time while my insides were grinding, a small amount made it's way out of my innards. It was minor, but occurred without permission. Following, I was able to have a good motion before cleaning myself up and carrying on. However later the same night while at home, I experienced a repeat episode with another small involuntary motion. At any rate, I'm glad I was wearing protection. While there have been no further issues since that particular day, my insides have continued to be unsettled.

The mixed feelings are around wishing to not mess myself. Cleanup is a pain, and I do not wish to subject anyone to the odour associated. On the flip side, this is another quite valid reason to wear nappies 24/7, including at work. I've not yet discussed this with my doctor, and I put this down to my worsening IBS currently. When I do finally chat with my doctor, this will be my rationale behind wearing nappies daily.

Otherwise, while I continue to wear 24/7, I have also continued to wet myself without thought outside of work, and routinely while sleeping, much to my delight. Echoing my previous update, I continue to slip towards 24/7 usage without regret. I belong in nappies, forever. Even if it has to be for #1 and #2, so be it.

[BabyJilly_S]

Thanks for updating, ensuring you are good with work via the doctor sounds very sensible. Glad you are doing ok and hope it continues to work out, even if it's #1 and #2's.

[sparklezBear]

This is going to be a long post, apologies in advance . 

There's a couple of things I want to write about today. The first relates to my last update where I spoke about a couple of messy accidents, one at work, one at home. I've since had another accident at home. As before, while I was glad to be wearing a nappy at the time, I've mixed feelings about this as I prefer not mess myself. With that said, I must admit that I'm curious if there's any psychological component to this. I've certainly had a history of IBS-like symptoms at times, but I generally had no problem reaching a loo with very rare exceptions. If there is a psychological component, it's not been a conscious decision. However, my drive to be in nappies is unrelenting, so it's probably not impossible. The alternative is that my IBS-like symptoms are getting worse independently, which is entirely possible and perhaps even likely considering that such symptoms generally do worsen with age. I've yet to see my doctor to discuss the situation and my own treatment of wearing thin light-duty nappies 24/7 during my work day only.

Something else I've also observed and been discussing with a couple of people relates to a possible association between ABDL, gender identity and ASD. In the circles I tend to mingle in, it seems that gender diverse people are over-represented. It's a curious little observation that I've also heard others note previously. In addition, talking to people, I've now met a few people with apparent changes to social function and thought that aren't dissimilar to symptoms of ASD. I'll get to this in detail...

Something I've not spoken about is my own relationship with ASD, or at least I don't recall mentioning it. While not yet diagnosed by a professional, I've known for many years that I have many of the symptoms of ASD. Further evidence came when I self-medicated with Ritalin some time ago to help me steady my thoughts and focus on some study at the time. While taking Ritalin, everything became steady, slowed and controlled. It was truly wonderful. However, the come-down got worse and worse over time, and I was functioning less well when not taking any medication. Given the side effects of that medication, and that I had to acquire them on the grey market, I decided to stop and keep the function I had. This was a while ago, long before my current bout of nappies. So far I have avoided seeking a diagnosis, mainly due to any impact this could have of my professional life, and a lack of apparent benefit as I do not wish to take any medication. In real terms, I'm also very high functioning and have successfully been masking many of my communication and behavioural aspects.

Since embracing nappies this year, I've spoke about the way my social anxiety has been fading away. While I don't pretend to understand how nappies have done this, I love that I've been able to be more social than previous years. It's a relief, and I'm feeling like less of a recluse than ever before. While unrelated to ASD, nappies have also improved my mood, making it much easier to focus and practice mindfulness, controlling other aspects of ASD that nappies don't help with directly. Yet another benefit from nappies .

While making these observations of myself, I've found my developmental experiences shared by several people I've spoken to. I began to grow curious if this observation is real, how many other people in the ABDL sphere have a diagnosis or symptoms of ASD. Searching through Google following that thought, there's no shortage of others who have asked about such a link. There are also some polls here on DD which suggest that a majority of people here are or suspect they're on the spectrum. I find this quite amazing actually. More recently, I've grown curious how an ASD brain might be predisposed to ABDL, if it is perhaps through the use of nappies as a baby and toddler (with the assumption that using nappies can be a pleasurable sensation).

As an extension of ASD, current research is drawing links between ASD and gender diversity. For example, see this article. If that correlation is accurate, that would go some way to explaining my observation. 

I really only type all of this due to curiosity and wonder. Perhaps a little of know-thyself too. 

In other news, my trajectory remains fixed toward 24/7 nappy usage. While I'm not particularly upset about recent developments and the need to wear nappies due to IBS, it would be nice to have some more accidents with #1. Something to really seal the deal for my doctor and anyone else who asks why I wear nappies. I will develop urinary incontinence in time, it would just be nice not to need to encourage accidents or overstate the current situation.

[oznl]

My partner has been telling me that I’m a “little bit on the spectrum” for all of my life but I’ve never bothered with exploring this as I’ve managed to function quite well.  In my workplace, it was possibly an advantage anyway.  Spotting Asperger’s in the IT industry is a bit like the shooting of the proverbial fish in the barrel so I was probably one of the least ASD people in my workplace.

On a whim, I took an online test (yes, I know…) after reading your post at Psychcentral and returned a score that indicated that I was “highly likely” ASD although I found the questions to be crude.

So, with a sample size of one, yes…

I’m well aware of the coefficient behavior of ASD and trans as I did research this (I am not trans but was trying to learn about a family member who was).

Based on ABDL I have met and conversed with, it certainly SEEMS that LGBTQI and ASD are vastly over-represented in our demographic.  I had vaguely speculated that with LGB, the “out” demographic might be more skewed than the general population to participate in a place like DD and this could explain it.  This of course wouldn’t explain the preponderance of ASD very well and the “T” folk that I know for the most part, just want to get on with life with a minimum of fuss.  If that attitude scales, it doesn’t explain

I think there is some kind of nexus there but I don’t know what it is.

I also know the (ASD or not), what I have is NOT a simple fetish.  I’d imagine even the most ardent fetishist would fade a little after two years of 24/7.  Not me.  I repeatedly mull over the similarities between the situation I find myself in and those with gender dysphoria.

Oh for a good quality academic study. 

[sparklezBear]

Just a short Christmas update before I lay out my 2021 goals.

Laying in bed this morning after waking to a wet, warm and swollen ABU Simple, I reflected on just how perfect waking like this felt, how perfect every other morning waking this way has felt. While I'm sorry for repeating myself a few times in this thread, It's been nothing short of magical. My bedwetting also appears to be getting more reliable and tolerant of stress. I don't remember when the last time was that I woke to release my bladder. Waking for random noises and alarms, sure, just not for my bladder. Assuming I'm able to sleep and that my bladder fills to some degree, it will absolutely get emptied into my bed or a nappy while I sleep. As such, I feel like I'm getting closer to that hopeless-bedwetter status that I'm aiming for.

For now I've continued to collect data for each nappy I wear (excluding work-time pullups). As yet I've not done any analysis, although I can see what are the most effective and capacious nappies are. With measured fluids, I can manage a 2-nappy per day diet using 4000mL+ rated nappies. Of a night, I tend to produce about 1.35L, and day varies greatly depending on intake and temperature. I can also see what nappies tend to leak, mostly being medical cloth-backed nappies. All ABDL plastic nappies appear to be excellent with respect to leaking.

 

On 12/21/2020 at 5:09 PM, oznl said:

I also know the (ASD or not), what I have is NOT a simple fetish.  I’d imagine even the most ardent fetishist would fade a little after two years of 24/7.

While it wasn't always the case for me, I feel like I'm definitely in this camp too now. Having said that, I'm not sure if this is the way I was born, or if it's how I've come to grow. Either way, before this year, nappies did seem to be a fetish in a similar fashion to many others I find in online communities such as DD or Discord for who nappies are an occasional and exciting indulgence. Now days nappies feel like a need, emotionally, psychologically, and now physically. I can't think of any situation that would see me out of nappies. 

On 12/21/2020 at 5:09 PM, oznl said:

Not me.  I repeatedly mull over the similarities between the situation I find myself in and those with gender dysphoria.

As someone who did experience gender dysphoria previously, while the development of each is incomparable, there are similarities to how it feels. Just as boobs feel perfect and right to be on my chest, a nappy feels perfect to be wrapped around me and used. It's a feeling of something that should always have been, something that is simply known, not something from an external idea or event. It's knowing in the face of a contrary reality. I must say though, the result of not meeting those needs is different. For me, fixing gender dysphoria was very much a life and death type thing. In comparison, the consequences of denying nappy use would not be terminal.

[sparklezBear]

I'm a little overdue for an update. In truth, I've been sitting on the fence of sorts, trying to peer from the fore at what 2021 may bring with respect to life, my profession and most of all, nappies. 

I guess I've been waiting for inspiration or self-direction.

None has come.

Combined with this, my mood at the very start of 2021 was poor. It seems that a string of unfathomably long work days can still unhinge my sleep and bedwetting. As had happened before, this also caused my inner little to run and hide. Over those few days, I had more in common with  a former depressed version of myself than my recent being. Engaging in as much self care as I could, I resumed my typical bedwetting and little time over a few days.

What I had hoped to do was to come here and describe my elaborate plan for progressing to full time nappy usage at work. This still remains a complex challenge in my mind given my self-rationalised fear about losing my employment. All in all, I'm not sure I'm any closer to a plan than a few weeks ago despite increased time considering this goal. It might also be that such a plan is only possible in hindsight, which is fine if I knew that to be the case. At the same time, I feel like my trajectory is clear, and that I will choose nappies over my job if that was to be the choice presented to me. That's something I've spoken about before, and certainly the last 3 odd months of 24/7 wearing (not using 24/7) has been a testament of sorts to that trajectory. Of course, none of this helps me with the quandary and question about how my employer is going to react. I've also a little more than a month to go before being reassigned again. Before then, my hands are still tied.

So all in all, I sit here in limbo, at least for now.

For everyone else, I hope you had a wonderful Chrissy and a pleasant new year.

[oznl]

Yep, 2021 off to a dodgy start up here as well.  The lock down has killed my partner's holiday plans and cast a dark mood over the household.

On 1/8/2021 at 10:18 PM, sparklezBear said:

What I had hoped to do was to come here and describe my elaborate plan for progressing to full time nappy usage at work. This still remains a complex challenge in my mind given my self-rationalised fear about losing my employment. All in all, I'm not sure I'm any closer to a plan than a few weeks ago despite increased time considering this goal. It might also be that such a plan is only possible in hindsight, which is fine if I knew that to be the case. At the same time, I feel like my trajectory is clear, and that I will choose nappies over my job if that was to be the choice presented to me.

I'm just a bit puzzled by this.  How would they find out and what would be their rationale for responding in such a way?  I understand that very small organisations can be unversed in employment best practices but I would have thought most folk in the healthcare sector would be somewhat sufficiently enlightened to tread very carefully there (assuming they found out and chose to make it their business)?

[BabyJilly_S]

Sorry to hear you are not doing so well, on top of it all everyone gets in a bit of a funk after Christmas I hear. Here in England we've gone full lockdown, more people are dying than ever and its dark, damp and cold....

So sending positive thoughts your way for better times to come

[sparklezBear]

I wanted to make an update of more practical nature.

I'm not sure exactly how long I've been wearing (not using) nappies 24/7, but it's been somewhere near a few months by now. Since then, I've had fewer and fewer leaks or emergencies. I think this comes down to a few learnings about different nappy models, their reliability, strengths and fit. Several nappy models have become staples during the day, being the ABU Simple, ABU Preschool and Depend Realfit (for work). Overnight, Rearz Omutsu cloth nappies are at the fore, reliably comfortable and capacious. Without excess fluids, I can normally get away with two nappies a day too, although work days will involve three nappies, sacrificing higher capacity for discretion. 

For disposable nappies, it seems that fit is the most important. If the nappy is placed too far forward or back, leaks from the back of my legs seem to be a regular occurrence. The tapes also need to be just right to support both the leg guards and the swollen shape and size of a well used nappy. To get the best fit, I try to make sure that the widening section of padding on the rear starts right at the crease between my legs and buttocks. This image depicts the kind of placement I aim for. For the tabs, I angle the lower tabs upward a little, and angle the upper tabs downward a little. This seems to help give a great snug fit wet or dry around my legs. Regardless, I also always wear plastic pants over, usually with a cotton liner to catch any errant holes or other as unfortunately not all nappies are equal.

For my cloth nappies overnight, there's very little to do other than ensure that the pilchers aren't exposing any cloth material. The Omutsus are snug, comfortable and soak a bunch with a couple of terry baby nappy inserts. I rarely experience leaks with these, and I can sleep in almost any position without worry. They're fantastic, even with the additional laundry and care requirements.

Beyond nappies and my constant want to be in them, my little side is more dynamic and event fickle at times, particularly if I've had a tough day. Having said that, there's usually some form of little indulgence every day, be it a cute onesie or a pacifier before or at bed. However, nothing gets me more little than sleeping right through the night without stirring, waking to a soaking nappy. It always improves my mood nonmatter what else is happening. 

Otherwise I've little to talk about. There are no real changes or developments yet. More or less I'm in a holding pattern of sorts, although I do have some ideas for achieving my nappy usage at work. I'll talk about that another time after however.

[oznl]

13 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

I'm not sure exactly how long I've been wearing (not using) nappies 24/7, but it's been somewhere near a few months by now. Since then, I've had fewer and fewer leaks or emergencies. I think this comes down to a few learnings about different nappy models, their reliability, strengths and fit.

Two years later and the leaks never quite go away but certainly their frequency fell off a cliff for me.  Leaking during the day for me is quite rare (but it happens still).  Early on, leaks were a daily occurrence.

A part of it is certainly finding the right nappy, the right size and the right wearing for sure but I suspect another part is the gradual change in micturition patterns that for me has been a part of permanent nappy use.  As I've gotten used to the idea that my nappies are my toilet and that they are perpetually available to me, my peeing has become less and less episodic and drifted into a more or less continuous pattern of minor dribbles and gushes.  Disposable nappies in particular seem to respond much better to this use case.  In the early days, most leaks were as a direct consequence of a peeing episode.  These days, most pee episodes of themselves are too small to cause that.  Leaks happen over time and are usually press-out leaks around my crotch or lower thighs or leaks out the side where disposables afford zero protection.

13 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

For disposable nappies, it seems that fit is the most important. If the nappy is placed too far forward or back, leaks from the back of my legs seem to be a regular occurrence. The tapes also need to be just right to support both the leg guards and the swollen shape and size of a well used nappy. To get the best fit, I try to make sure that the widening section of padding on the rear starts right at the crease between my legs and buttocks. This image depicts the kind of placement I aim for. For the tabs, I angle the lower tabs upward a little, and angle the upper tabs downward a little. This seems to help give a great snug fit wet or dry around my legs. Regardless, I also always wear plastic pants over, usually with a cotton liner to catch any errant holes or other as unfortunately not all nappies are equal.

I cannot fathom why the market has not provided a reliable disposable solution for side sleepers.  I've learned to deal with this using padded waterproofs but I'm still vaguely resentful that this should be necessary.  Surely we have this technology.

13 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

Beyond nappies and my constant want to be in them, my little side is more dynamic and event fickle at times, particularly if I've had a tough day. Having said that, there's usually some form of little indulgence every day, be it a cute onesie or a pacifier before or at bed. However, nothing gets me more little than sleeping right through the night without stirring, waking to a soaking nappy. It always improves my mood nonmatter what else is happening.

Despite inconvenience and damp patches, this aspect has NEVER gotten old for me.  It was hot last night so I went to bed just in a t-shirt, a nappy and thick white plastic pants.  I woke up this morning luxuriantly.  The AC had done its thing and the room was now cool but more importantly, my bladder was empty, had not bothered me once iota during the night and my nappy was heavy, warm and wet around me but my bed was dry.  I never seem to get sick of that.

I'm still just in my t-shirt and night nappies now  (it's 10am).  I was just too comfortable to want to change.  I guess I need to go do something about that now lest I have a wet chair to deal with...

 

 

[sparklezBear]

It seems my regular updates have become not so regular. It's not that I've not thought about making an update, I have. I think it's more about being time poor and more to the point, having little seemingly important news to share. 

Since my last update, I've been working a great deal, more than I generally do. And, my shifts have been all over the the place. This has been doing a number on my normal rhythm that was in place, impacting both my sleep and bedwetting much to my horror. I'm not sure if it was only sleep that was impacted, or if I was actually waking to a full bladder. Being so exhausted, the distinction could not be made. At one stage, I was up to 7 sleeps without wetting during my sleep which was starting to impact my mood too. With some doubling down, mindfulness, relaxation and the use of the hypnosis tracks again, I'm back to my regular pattern of wetting in my sleep. Evidently, my bedwetting is not as ingrained as I had hoped it was.

Another factor for my recent lapse in bedwetting is the increased continence that has been synonymous with my workplace. With my anticipated change in my work situation, I can once again start moving forward. Roughly, this translates to trying to train my bladder and body to release little amounts on demand throughout the day without releasing everything. Other than ending up in a damp nappy, the purpose is to encourage and simulate urinary incontinence. Faking it until I make it perhaps. The coming weeks will prove just how tricky this may or may not be.

In the last couple of weeks, I've also had another chat with my GP. Using 4 very real recent episodes of minor faecal incontinence as rationale, we've discussed that I'm now wearing protection all day, which was completely understood. Pending a formal diagnosis, I suspect this is just a case of IBS. Per my doctor, I'll be going to see a specialist to be assessed and potentially diagnosed. While I do not wish for bowel incontinence going forward, I do appreciate how this has given me the perfect medically acceptable reason to wear nappies at work.

Recently I've also been testing out more medical nappies, trying to find something with the right combination of features for discreet wear. The last nappies I've tested are the Depend super and super plus briefs. Being Depend and having a poor reputation in the US, I didn't have high expectations. Pleasantly, the results exceeded my expectations. While they have a cloth-like outer, the panel at the front is plastic. As a result, they don't stretch or have problems with the tabs like other all-cloth-like nappies (looking at you Abena). This also means they can be re-taped as needed without the tacky velcro-like tabs failing. Capacity wise, the supers are about a 1.2L real world capacity, and the super plus about 1.5L based on my testing. Another thing I like is that the padding doesn't swell like some nappies can. This helps them to be discrete where some other nappies will result in a more obvious outline. Having the cloth-like outer however, they do have the problem of sweating, and when worn under plastic pants, the liner will get lightly damp as with all other cloth-like nappies. Still, I think these will make an excellent nappy for work, and at about $2.05 ea for the super plus, or $1.35 for the supers, they're great value. 

At other times during the day, I still prefer ABU nappies, although I'm using more and more cloth where possible. Not least of which since ABU is out of stock of all of my regular models in medium (Preschools, Barebums, Simples). I also would like to avoid contributing to landfill as much as possible. With respect to cloth, I pretty much only use the Omutsu nappies by Rearz. For their minor flaws in design and possibly durability, they really are excellent and convenient. Otherwise, overnight the Omutsus are still always my first choice and very comfortable and capable with the encased elastic Babykins plastics covering.

[oznl]

You've certainly stuck at this.  I'm curious about a Depend that isn't terrible.  How do they compare absorbency-wise against something like the Abena?  As you know, I've been running on a 2 high capacity nappy per day diet for a long time and under this scenario, the economy of only using two products per day eclipses their premium price.

I realise that you've got a bunch of practical stuff that gets in the way of that and you're finding a way that works for you but I'm always keen to get that ground-intelligence experience on brands I haven't tried.  As you say, they are relatively inexpensive and if they are not completely useless (as previous Depends products I have tried are), they may have their place somewhere in my toolbox.

[sparklezBear]

On 2/11/2021 at 5:32 PM, oznl said:

You've certainly stuck at this.

I think that I've said this before, nappies for life. ?

On 2/11/2021 at 5:32 PM, oznl said:

I'm curious about a Depend that isn't terrible.  How do they compare absorbency-wise against something like the Abena?  As you know, I've been running on a 2 high capacity nappy per day diet for a long time and under this scenario, the economy of only using two products per day eclipses their premium price.

I would say that the Depend Super Plus ($2.05ea) is comparable to the Abena M3 ($2.26ea). While the tapes are excellent, they do sweat, and they can spot-leak like many of the cloth backed nappies including the Abenas. Value wise, they are good, and I think these will eventually be one of my work-wear nappies.

As far as work goes, I think my main work-wear nappy will probably be the Molicare maxis which are plastic backed. They come out marginally more expensive than the Depends at $2.13ea. The only downside to the Molicare is that you're limited to re-taping once on each side. If only un-taping one side for a bowel motion, a triple-or-more bowel motion day (such that an irritable bowel can bring) requires a new nappy. This doesn't happen often, but can happen. Dealing with a change at work is frankly a problem I don't want. With the depend, I can re-tape till my heart's content, although they have a greater chance of leaking.

I wish someone made a plain white medium capacity plastic backed nappy, something akin to an ABU Preschool without the cute pattern.

[sparklezBear]

It's been a few weeks since my last update. And at my last update, I didn't think I'd be writing this so soon.

I give up. I'm now 24/7 wearing and using nappies at work, home and everywhere else.

The pull recently has been relentless. The recent cracks in this dam were a couple of days when I wore and used a more respectable nappy to work. While I had trouble letting things flow freely as they do at home or elsewhere, they were non-events.

I was trying to avoid this situation, mostly as it could conceivably place me in a precarious situation if I'm found out. With that said, I acknowledge that it is unlikely, at least in the short term while I figure the rest out.

I've also been discussing all of this with a dear friend, trying to figure out where to go from here. As discussed previously here, I was hoping to achieve a medical diagnosis for incontinence, granting me a form of immunity with respect to my job and nappy use. This might still be possible, but it will take time and some form of fibs and embellishments which I disagree with in principle. The other option is coming clean, telling my doctor that I wear and use nappies mostly for comfort. While this may not result in a helpful medical diagnosis, it would be far more earnest. Reading some of the threads in the incontinent desires forum, the idea of being honest with my doctor has been on my mind more now than previous. Yet I still can't shake the feeling that it's quite a burden of knowledge to place on someone else, even if they are a medical professional. Then there's always the steady stream of what-if thoughts to contend with.

I will give this thought over the coming week.

Nappy wise at work, I'm controlling odour with the use of plastic pants. So far they contain all of the smell until near the end of my day. By then, I'm usually not the only smelly person (although not of nappies), so it may well be undetectable even for keen noses. With the use of compression pants, my nappies are hidden pretty well from my silhouette too. While I've been wearing more absorbent pull-ups at work recently, I'll be sticking with Depend Super Briefs (tabbed nappies) for now. Given I tend not to produce too much output in a single shift, they're more than capable of the task. And they're capable of multiple re-tapings in the event of multiple bowel motions. Otherwise I've also been testing out a variety of pull-up style nappies for different short-duration situations such as medical appointments.

Outside of work, I've a mix of nappies for different situations. At home, ABU simples are a favourite, as are Crinklz and many other other ABDL cloth or disposable nappies. I'm truly spoiled for choice. For more formal out and about events, medical nappies like the Depend briefs are perfect. Abenas are reasonable too, except they tend to swell up which isn't ideal under jeans. There are also the reliable plastic backed Molicares too.

All in all, I've no shortage of nappies :).

For now I look forward to posts in coming days and weeks, and my gradual trajectory toward incontinence I've slated for 2021. 

[oznl]

Congratulations on finding a path forward to integrate, and thus hopefully manage this aspect of ourselves within your daily life.

Your experience mirrors mine: a few basic precautions including plastic pants, some compression wear and “appropriate” clothing choices make our small sartorial quirk all but invisible to others.

I had a few leaks here and there early on (black pants are your friends) but as my body adapted to permanent nappy use and realised that there was no point "storing" things, my voiding patterns changed and now it is very rare for me to have a leak and if I do, it is invariably very minor.

Now that I’ve said that of course, I’ll be squelching in through he front door later on today and making a bee-line for the laundry…  As a species, we should NEVER boast about not leaking.

I’ll be super interested to see how this goes for you although if you’re trajectory resembles mine, some changes will be hard to see.  It all gets a bit blurry down there after a while.

[spark]

16 minutes ago, oznl said:

 

Now that I’ve said that of course, I’ll be squelching in through he front door later on today and making a bee-line for the laundry…  As a species, we should NEVER boast about not leaking.

I’ll be super interested to see how this goes for you although if you’re trajectory resembles mine, some changes will be hard to see.  It all gets a bit blurry down there after a while.

In my case, some of it is related to type of diaper I'm using.    I had great luck with the Rearz Inspire Control+ (I prefer white diapers), but bought the Control original not knowing there was a difference.  The SAP tends to pool up after the diaper has been wet a few times, and inevitable leaks through the wing and on to my pants.   It's not that bad when the diaper is dry, but it gets past a certain point and leaks happen.  I've had more than a couple of leaks with these diapers.  The same thing doesn't seem to happen with other diapers.   Fortunately, I have about have a pack left, and can restrict those to home during the day.    I also have been working on proper hydration, which was a problem before.  In the past, I could easily get a good six hours out of a diaper without any loss of integrity.  Lately, six hours is about the natural limit for any diaper in the daytime.   Fortunately I can go longer in the day.

[BabyJilly_S]

I hope you are ok and not too stressed out by this in work. 

Don't forget there is a mental component to healthcare and your doctor is not just there to "put a plaster on a scratched knee" as it were. They should be able to take your entire situation into account shouldn't they?