My journey to 24x7

[sparklezBear]

1 hour ago, BabyJilly_S said:

I hope you are ok and not too stressed out by this in work. 

I really am okay ?. It's been a total non issue. Thank you for the concern though.

10 hours ago, oznl said:

I had a few leaks here and there early on (black pants are your friends)

In my line of work, a uniform is a must. While not black, it's a dark Navy. In time I will learn just how visible leaks will be. Out of sight of others, I have been checking for leaks. Nil thus far. 

[sparklezBear]

A quicker update than previous. Somewhere today marks the 7-day point of using nothing but nappies (except for #2s), reaching that goal of being 24/7 per the title of this thread.

In reality, the change made a week ago was both giant and only a minor change from the week before. While it was physically just a case of wearing and using thicker nappies, there was a mental barrier that was being broken. All of a sudden, it's okay to just release upon any request by my bladder. Not limited to that, with the intent of causing my sought after incontinence, I've been attempting to keep my pelvic floor relaxed. I believe the buzz-word is reverse-kegels.

Looking back, it's been a week of discovery for my work-time nappy usage. It's been much easier than I expected, but not as easy as I had hoped. It turns out there's no problems permitting my bladder to use my nappy for dribbles while I'm talking to peers or clients for example, much to my relief. However, when things get busy, it appears my body's default state is *off*. This results in a small collection that my bladder can almost be sensed, requires a little concentration to open the tap so to speak. I'm gathering this may be the internal sphincter if I understand the physiology a little.

In addition to acknowledged and permitted dribbling, I've also experienced a couple of unknown dribbles where there was no such bladder request. This alone is not unusual, and has been a semi common occurrence since surgery years ago. Today, with the vague intent of checking my current state, I tested out my stress incontinence (where abdominal pressure can cause urination). Compared to a week ago, it was much easier. A decent cough is now all it takes for an unexpected dribble. If this is the impact of intentional pelvic floor relaxation for a week, I'm very hopeful that my goal of incontinence is achievable this year.

There is however a downside to a weak pelvic floor, and it's a doozy. I suspect that I will lose much of the ability to reliably hold back an irritable-bowel push. They've already been difficult and in some cases impossible to hold back in recent months. With this said, this theory is not yet tested. With the graces of whichever star systems lined up for my fortune, I've had no instances of an irritable bowel during the last week. Rather I have received somewhat relaxed sensations that the time is near, allowing time to temporarily un-tape and descend my nappy and use the old porcelain throne. With the intent not to engage my pelvic floor and clench unless at work, I'm not overly looking forward to the next unexpected push. The question is, what to do? Is having urinary incontinence worth losing the ability to reliably hold an unexpected motion? As I sit here and write this, the answer is yes. 

Finally, I've reached a decision about what to do with my doctor. My ultimate plan is to come clean and reveal my aim to remain in nappies. It's an absolute hell of a conversation to have, and talking with a good friend, I'm still working out the best way to go about this. In a very very condensed summary, it would be about my unyielding desire to be in nappies since age 4, the way indulging helps to manage my anxiety and stress, and how I don't wish to maintain my waning urinary continence. This conversation may even explain some choices involving my doctor over the last couple of years. At this stage I cannot remotely predict how this will go. I just hope that my honest approach endears a similar response. While I will discuss nappies as they relate to me, I will leave the term ABDL and little out of it, feeling they will only muddie the waters. Given my desire for nappies is constant while my little side comes and goes, I figure that's fair.

Watch this space.

 

[BabyJilly_S]

Glad to hear you're fine and I wish you good luck with the doc.  /hugs

[sparklezBear]

Today marks about two and a half weeks since I've reached my 24/7 goal.

One major achievement since my last update is discussing this with my doctor. I was quite stressed going into the appointment, quickly settling as I revealed my past and the recent effects of nappies. We also spoke about my early childhood, hypothesising the origins of my love of nappies. My doctor was professional and understanding throughout the conversation. More relevant, they're now aware that I'm using nappies 24/7, and that I would like my urinary incontinence to develop further. It's a considerable weight off my mind, and I will be able to count on their support later if needed.

In the last week I've also learned that particularly stressful situations have the effect of causing my muscles to clench somewhat. At one point there was a small bladder full which refused to budge until I could relax for a couple of minutes. I guess this is the point of stress, although it's not appreciated. Otherwise I'm only slowly getting better at remaining relaxed with the faucet open so to speak. It's more difficult than I had thought when busy or stressed, and it may take longer to reach the constant state of release that I'm searching for. While it's still early days, I may end up on a similar trajectory to @oznl:

On 3/9/2021 at 9:57 AM, oznl said:

if you’re trajectory resembles mine, some changes will be hard to see.

Since my last update I've also had another episode of an urgent bowel movement without warning. I was unable to get my nappy off in time, and attempting to hold it runs counterproductive to current aim of weakening my pelvic floor, if that was even possible (which I suspect it wasn't). While I prefer not to mess myself, it is comforting to know that I'm wearing appropriate attire at any stage. On this occasion I was at home, so cleanup was straight forward with a hand shower. I'm not looking forward to further episodes away from home.

On a more conceptual level, I'm overjoyed with going 24/7. Each and every moment I feel a release into my nappy feels so amazing and perfect. I love everything about my 24/7 life, even including the covert public changes. While it's early on, I can't imagine ever going back. 

[BabyJilly_S]

That's great news about the doc  I am glad its working for you. I'm still working from home so haven't had to face that particular issue yet. Not sure what i will do.....

[sparklezBear]

13 hours ago, BabyJilly_S said:

Not sure what i will do.....

A couple of months ago I could not even entertain the thought of talking to my doctor even after I accepted that it was something that I needed to do in time.

The response from my doctor was to liken nappy wearing to other harmless compulsions that others have. While no examples were mentioned on the day, I'm sure we've all seen those trashy TV shows showing people that like eating toilet paper or wearing clothing from a particular generation. 

My doctor also accepted that my decision to promote incontinence now was reversible and not something to be concerned about.

I would like to hope that all doctors are as understanding as mine.

What does your gut tell you?

[BabyJilly_S]

5 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

What does your gut tell you?

Fortunately I work in IT so homeworking is an option. What the lockdown has shown the people i work for is that we are capable of doing our job perfectly well from home. So they have agreed the landscape is going to change going forward and there may be several types of worker, from those who want to be in the office all week to those who don't. I  expect to be in the latter group and have to go in when necessity dictates for meetings and such. Possibly a day a week, maybe two if vital. 

So from that aspect I think I will be able to continue to wear 24/7. I know at this moment in time I don't want to stop, so have been trying out various more discrete nappies. Currently the winner is the Abena Abri-Form M4 , is very good and quiet.

I even had a little victory in that my family doesn't know so when I visit them I have just been wearing a pull up but basically my body was saying nope, can't do it and clenching like crazy stopping anything. I wore an M4 over there last week and "let loose" whilst we chatted in the kitchen, it was a little victory but meant a lot to me.

Of course the No 2 issue will still be a larger bridge...

As for the doctor, I can barely talk to him about anything, and only visit when its absolutely essential, its like talking to my dad....

[sparklezBear]

2 hours ago, BabyJilly_S said:

I  expect to be in the latter group and have to go in when necessity dictates for meetings and such. Possibly a day a week, maybe two if vital. 

I'm quite envious ?. Given the option, I would prefer to stay home and use more fun, longer range nappies. Having said that, things aren't too bad with a decent work-appropriate medical nappy.

2 hours ago, BabyJilly_S said:

Currently the winner is the Abena Abri-Form M4 , is very good and quiet.

Are your Abenas cloth-backed, or plastic-backed? Otherwise I just don't understand how the Abena M4 is discreet. On me, they are quite bulky, although they don't puff up much admittedly when wet.

2 hours ago, BabyJilly_S said:

basically my body was saying nope, can't do it and clenching like crazy stopping anything

I've experienced a little of this too in times of stress. I don't think it related to the nappy I was wearing, more just the situation. In my case I'm lucky to have a weak valve, and I can push my bladder to release a volume with ease. I've done this several times, and sometimes doing so is enough to cause things to relax.

2 hours ago, BabyJilly_S said:

As for the doctor, I can barely talk to him about anything, and only visit when its absolutely essential, its like talking to my dad....

Is that due to your doctor, or is that more about about feeling uncomfortable with them?

[BabyJilly_S]

The Abenas are soft quiet ones. I can get away with the bulky size of them with the jeans I have, or at least I think I am getting away with it, if they have noticed no one has said anything the last couple of weeks I have visited my folks  

Was definitely the situation, just not comfy with letting it go in front of my family in pull ups. I have used pullups extensively and know they could take it as they were fresh but still couldn't. The Abenas sorted that and took whatever that fear was away. 

As for the doctor, its a bit of both. Probably mostly me and my life situation with being on the trans side, outwardly manly but underneath feminine, I don't know, no one in my life knows, so it would be very hard telling anyone....

[sparklezBear]

On 3/28/2021 at 2:01 AM, BabyJilly_S said:

As for the doctor, its a bit of both. Probably mostly me and my life situation with being on the trans side, outwardly manly but underneath feminine, I don't know, no one in my life knows, so it would be very hard telling anyone....

That seem like a complicated situation, I'm sorry it's difficult for you. While I enjoy living my life without question (surgically complete), I told my doctor my gender assigned at birth on our first meeting. Although I needed to disclose this to access my HRT scripts regardless. 

[sparklezBear]

The title of this update would have to be something along the lines of "The mind games continue".

Today marks the approximate 4-week point from D-day, the day marking the start of my unending 24/7 nappy (D for diaper) usage. Without exception, my now 24/7 nappy wearing life continues to be very positive move and I feel at home in my nappies at every point. There's not been any moments of regret, and I can't imagine that I will ever go back.

While all has been well in general, the intended title is about my ongoing goal to achieve unfettered nappy usage and eventually incontinence, and a summary of my last week's efforts. I continue to encounter times and situations when things aren't flowing by default. Some of those new situations are social events for example, while others are stress-filled situations at work. I must admit, I am a little frustrated that this is not coming along as easy as I had hoped. Regardless of the situation, I'm continuing to search for a useful strategy to get things flowing. At the worst case, I am still able to push right past the shut sphincter with a low amount of effort, but this is not the same as the unfettered flow I seek. 

To counter this I have been searching for something to help me overcome the stemmed flow, something perhaps psychological. At least in theory, the mind should be able to overcome deeply learned automatic function. For example, I've still been unable to release while driving, yet the moment the engine is off, things start to flow without issue. The only difference between those situations is, one has the engine operating, one doesn't. And of course the mind changes from a driving action to not driving. Apparently those are distinct states of the mind.

So far I've been trying out some mindfulness while trying to develop another automatic trigger to release, in addition to some hypnosis. For the additional trigger, the theory is that I may be able to develop a new automatic reaction to a voluntary action. In detail, I'm trying to associate taking a deep breath with the automatic relaxation and release of my involuntary (internal) sphincter. To practice this I take a deep breath immediately followed by the intentional release of the internal sphincter, something I've already learned to do in the safety of my home. Like anything that becomes a type of muscle memory, I'll have to keep at this before it can be effective, although early signs are positive.

For the hypnosis, the tracks people have recommended try to enhance a lack of control and awareness of one's bladder. If I were to practice that lack of awareness at work while the flow is stemmed through stress, I think it would result in a flood upon the eventual release, and that could result in a leak. All in all, I'm not sure that's the right way for me to go. Rather I suspect my developing former strategy will be the winning method. And either which way, I'm continuing to abstain from voluntarily using my pelvic floor.

With that said, could anyone recommend any other good 24/7 un-training hypnosis tracks?

Otherwise I have been feeling a little conflicted about something else. In an effort to avoid the porcelain potty wherever possible, I have been opportunistically using my nappy more and more for #2s. The conflict is both about the cleanup, and about encouraging something which could be more problematic down the line. With the cleanup side of things, while I really don't like the cleanup at all, I also dislike using the grown-up potty. The conflict here is about deciding which I dislike less. So far it seems that using my nappy for that purpose is winning. The other area of conflict is about promoting further #2 incontinence. As in, I worry that becoming used to using my nappy for this could conceivably make it easier for my mind to inadvertently allow a motion to happen during inconvenient times. While I accept that this can (and has) already happened, it's not often currently. I would like to keep that as infrequent as possible, currently just not at the cost of using the potty at home. This is again something I'll continue to think about.

[oznl]

On 4/4/2021 at 9:59 AM, sparklezBear said:

Otherwise I have been feeling a little conflicted about something else. In an effort to avoid the porcelain potty wherever possible, I have been opportunistically using my nappy more and more for #2s. The conflict is both about the cleanup, and about encouraging something which could be more problematic down the line. With the cleanup side of things, while I really don't like the cleanup at all, I also dislike using the grown-up potty. The conflict here is about deciding which I dislike less. So far it seems that using my nappy for that purpose is winning. The other area of conflict is about promoting further #2 incontinence. As in, I worry that becoming used to using my nappy for this could conceivably make it easier for my mind to inadvertently allow a motion to happen during inconvenient times. While I accept that this can (and has) already happened, it's not often currently. I would like to keep that as infrequent as possible, currently just not at the cost of using the potty at home. This is again something I'll continue to think about.

Fortunately, my body runs a fairly regular schedule that makes #2 requirements generally co-incident with my morning nappy change.

On rare occasions, I've noticed that if for some reason, I need to actively manage NOT dirtying my nappy (pending a change), this seems to activate rusty circuits used to control urination.  On the odd occasion, where opportunity and discretion are available, I've let nature take its course and dealt with it at the next (usually not-too-far-off) nappy change.  I would not let this happen in company or in public.

Whilst I've seen changes in my urinary continence, I've not really seen much change around the corner and that's a good thing.

I do suspect however that if I did not bother to practice bowel control, I might see faster changes with respect to urinary control.

[sparklezBear]

This last week has been slightly more interesting than anticipated.

On 4/5/2021 at 10:37 AM, oznl said:

Fortunately, my body runs a fairly regular schedule that makes #2 requirements generally co-incident with my morning nappy change.

I would love for such a superpower. Over the last week, I've had two more small #2 accidents. One at work which was very small and I didn't even notice until change time, and one during my sleep a few days ago. At this stage I've lost count at the number of real #2 accidents since September last year. Not all I've spoke about either.

In the reality of accidents from weakening muscles, I really do need nappies 24/7. I'm really liking this fact.

The more interesting thing happened at work. Chatting to a work colleague as frequently happens, we were winding up the conversation, and my colleague gave me a hip pat. That was, 3 taps of the person's hand on my hip, a kind of reassuring social gesture. While I'm reasonably confident that there was nothing to feel, the sound was unmistakable to me and every other nappy wearing person here. I froze in time for a moment. I don't know if this person noticed anything at all, and I wasn't anticipating this gesture in order to meet and circumvent their hand. After I got over the shock of it, it did get me thinking.

Nappies are permanent (if I have my way). I've told my friends, and my doctor. I'm wearing and using nappies 24/7 no matter where. It's inevitable that someone will hear, see or touch something which reveals my choice of underwear. I guess I wasn't prepared for someone to discovery my nappy-protected butt so quickly (assuming they even did), although I really should expect it. It's inevitable. 

To get over the fear of discovery, I'm considering making some intentional public changes using bathrooms at my local mall when I get some time away from work. 

How have other handled this discovery at work or elsewhere?

[DiaperboyEddie12]

On 4/3/2021 at 7:59 PM, sparklezBear said:

I've still been unable to release while driving, 

Hi there congratulations on going full time.

Though right now I am not full time If I am wearing a diaper and driving I can urinate somewhat.  Though it does take a bit to get to the point of letting go.  Though I have learned to do it on a whim.  I though have to relax enough to do it though not so much as to wreck the car.

You will get there and you won't even know it happened.

[sparklezBear]

On 4/11/2021 at 2:57 PM, DiaperboyEddie12 said:

Hi there congratulations on going full time.

Though right now I am not full time If I am wearing a diaper and driving I can urinate somewhat.  Though it does take a bit to get to the point of letting go.  Though I have learned to do it on a whim.  I though have to relax enough to do it though not so much as to wreck the car.

You will get there and you won't even know it happened.

Thank you.

Little by little I am getting closer, able to wet while the engine is running now. I'll keep at it until it's as natural as breathing. 

[oznl]

On 4/10/2021 at 6:16 PM, sparklezBear said:

The more interesting thing happened at work. Chatting to a work colleague as frequently happens, we were winding up the conversation, and my colleague gave me a hip pat. That was, 3 taps of the person's hand on my hip, a kind of reassuring social gesture.

How have other handled this discovery at work or elsewhere?

Well, kind of a social gesture...   These days that kind of workplace touching stuff is the new cancer so I haven't had to deal with it tbh.

I've often wondered if the haptic feedback from a sudden swat is as obvious as we think it is.  There must be some kind of bizarre group science experiment to be run here.

As for driving, I know that if I'm in a thicker nappy, sometimes just sitting in the seat will kink something.  It's more a physiological thing than a psychological.  I know that there's still a psychological dimension though because if somebody does something erratic whilst I'm driving (a very common occurrence here in QLD), I'll notice myself instinctively clench up.

[BabyJilly_S]

The touching thing is borne out of a good desire to not cause distress or unwanted contact but there is an chance that at some point people will just avoid contact altogether. The simple act of a hand on or arm around your shoulders when you are feeling low giving reassurance is a mighty thing. I am not sure a pat on the bum counts but I guess that depends on the closeness of the friendship and gender of the giver/recipient  

For me driving (or riding my motorbike) its very hard, I have difficulty weeing sitting down in my office chair or sofa and have to slouch to do it. I think there's a lot of in built mechanisms/psych stuff stopping you wee when you are active, I cant when I am walking or manually working, yet if I stand up and stop for 10 seconds.... 

[sparklezBear]

40 minutes ago, oznl said:

As for driving, I know that if I'm in a thicker nappy, sometimes just sitting in the seat will kink something.  It's more a physiological thing than a psychological.  I know that there's still a psychological dimension though because if somebody does something erratic whilst I'm driving (a very common occurrence here in QLD), I'll notice myself instinctively clench up.

 

15 minutes ago, BabyJilly_S said:

For me driving (or riding my motorbike) its very hard, I have difficulty weeing sitting down in my office chair or sofa and have to slouch to do it. I think there's a lot of in built mechanisms/psych stuff stopping you wee when you are active, I cant when I am walking or manually working, yet if I stand up and stop for 10 seconds.... 

I think you may both be spot on about some physical mechanism. When standing, it feels like things just drain without any push. Sitting however, unless I'm slouching a lot and therefore not sitting on the outlet, it definitely feels like contraction with a reasonable push is needed for flow to occur. There's definitely a psychological component while driving too, although I'm learning to overcome that.

As for the hip pat, we're both women. It really was an innocent and innocuous gesture of support. Working with a wide range of people, I do come across the occasional person who does utilise touch in their mode of communication. They are definitely the minority though. 

On another topic, I decided to change at work this week. I chose a little used bathroom which is a favourite for discreet #2s. Upon entering the washroom, I happened across a colleague, and we spoke briefly. One of the other stalls was also occupied. I was discrete as I could be, but the sound of plastic (my plastic pants, carry bag, ziplock bag for the new nappy, and rubbish bags) was deafening in the silence. I had little choice about the change either as my existing nappy was not going to last much longer. I couldn't wait for them to leave either due to a limited break period. I continued steadily, removing my nappy and cleaning myself, making inevitable noises all the while. Just as I was shaping my new nappy for application, the mystery person in the other stall washed their hands and left. They didn't make a peep throughout and I'm curious who they were. Whoever it was, it's hard not to imagine them being confused at a minimum, or at worst aware of my nappy change, and if they know me, I was definitely recognisable. While uncomfortable, this has doubly reinforced my decision to live in nappies 24/7 as I ultimately found myself thinking *darn, oh-well* rather than thoughts of regret or terror. Having done this, I can change anywhere now. ?

[sparklezBear]

Today marks somewhere around the 7 week point since achieving my 24/7 goal, and overall, I'm very happy with my new nappied life.

Through each challenge I find, I've been learning and adapting. For example, I experienced a leak while leaving work last week which caught me off guard. Inspecting the damage, I had overflowed, had a particularly heavy day. Although that same day, I was also up early and so was in my day nappy an hour earlier than normal. Normally there's still some capacity left in my depend super plus nappies at the end of an 8hr shift, so I thought I'd be fine. Evidently it was not quite enough. At least the leak happened on my way out. Following this, I will endeavour to restrict those depend super plus nappies to those 8-9hr shifts only.

In the last week I was also assigned a few longer shifts. Given the limitations of my traditional work nappy, I needed something else to get me through, or run the risk of changing at work again. The only other medical nappy I had on hand with more capacity than the depends is the abena m4. It was either this or a plastic backed simple, although they can still be noisy in quiet situations. I ended up choosing the Abena although it's not quite as discrete at the depends I use. More discrete than wearing a pair of wet pants though ?. The first abena suffered a pretty big leak, although it was contained by the cotton liner and Gary PUL pants. The others abenas survived and served the extended shifts without major incident, although they did experience minor contained leaks. I've since ordered some other similar maxi capacity nappies by AMD and Lille to see if they may experience fewer leaks and be appropriate for longer duty shifts. Time will tell.

I've also been using my nappies more and more for #2s and really prefer to now unless I've just changed into a clean nappy, even despite the cleanup. Unfortunately my bowel habits remain unpredictable, otherwise I might be able to give up the potty forever. 

Otherwise I've not encountered any other barriers or problems with my new chosen  underwear and continue to use my nappies without hesitation or deliberate control. I can't really comment much about incontinence, although I swear there's been a few unaware trickles, although that happened before I went 24/7 too. Sitting in a wet nappy 23hrs a day, it's hard to know how much this happens. Therefore I will simply enjoy and hope this increases ?.

I love my nappies.

[oznl]

The Achilles’ heel with the Abena for me has always been the tapes and sagging-when-wet.  I can manage the sagging (largely) with close-fitting plastic pants and a compression pant but the tapes are what they are.  I’ve finished a few Abena’s in masking tape.

I use them with a booster pad which will let me get a 10 hour stint out of them.

I suspect a plastic-backed Abena with different tapes could be pretty awesome but for that we have BetterDry.

I agree with you on the ABU Simples absolutely: they can be a bit “chatty” under clothing.

Congratulations on 7 weeks.  Reviewing my own notes at this way point I see that I’d established a viable routine for managing full-time nappies and that although fully continent, I’d had the odd “pee dream” and I was no longer noticing wet nappies very much – the sensation of being wet had normalized.

[sparklezBear]

6 hours ago, oznl said:

The Achilles’ heel with the Abena for me has always been the tapes and sagging-when-wet.  I can manage the sagging (largely) with close-fitting plastic pants and a compression pant but the tapes are what they are.  I’ve finished a few Abena’s in masking tape.

So far they seem to leak from the back of my legs after they're moderately wet. I don't know if there's any sagging at play as I was wearing compression pants with them which holds them close to me. Rather it seemed that is has more to do with a slow wick time. At least on the first big leak incident, it definitely occurred when a small bladder-full emptied in one go, and it did take a little time to absorb away. As far as the tapes go, I can't say they've given me any grief. The fit isn't tight once well wet like plastic backed nappies, but it's not falling off me either. 

Assuming that the Betterdry has the same cut as the Crinklz Astronauts, then they're not discrete enough for me to wear at work. The front of them in particular swells so much that it'd look like I've a small stuffie down the front of my uniform. I'm really hoping that one of the other maxi-capacity nappies will prove more reliable for my longer shifts at work.

[oznl]

3 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

Assuming that the Betterdry has the same cut as the Crinklz Astronauts, then they're not discrete enough for me to wear at work. The front of them in particular swells so much that it'd look like I've a small stuffie down the front of my uniform. I'm really hoping that one of the other maxi-capacity nappies will prove more reliable for my longer shifts at work.

Safe assumption ?  I'm bear-shaped and can get away with it (at least in my imagination).  BetterDry will swell formidably where they get wet (they don't wick as well as the Abena).  For me, that's at the front but ymmv.

[sparklezBear]

I wanted to make a larger update about my progress as today marks about 8 weeks since I last used the potty to urinate, passing into 24/7 nappy use.

Leaks

I've now experienced a couple of leaks at work, without noticing. The first happened at the end of my shift, and I'm quite confident that nobody noticed. The next leak happened early this week, mid way through a longer work day. For such longer work days, I need to change throughout the day, and on this occasion I opted to make the short trip home for the change. Mid change, I found a decent wet spot on my pants. On inspection, the leak occurred from the typical place on the back of my thighs, and had soaked a good portion of my liner brief. Perhaps the liner had come into contact with the nappy material? I'm not sure. If anyone did notice, they didn't say anything at least. I changed everything below the waist and continued on my way. Otherwise I have also experienced many contained leaks, typically also from the back of my legs. I'm really not sure how to combat this, and so far it appears to be some form of press-out leakage.

Public changes

When you're in nappies 24/7, changes in public or at your workplace are inevitable. I've had a couple so far in shared bathrooms. One was quite tense, just having someone in the neighbouring stall listening to task is quite off putting. Never mind what they end up thinking about the various sounds coming from your stall. Regardless, there's nothing to do but get on with it and mind your own business. For the other change which had only a couple of people quickly come and go, it was a non-event. With this said, I've only faced the challenge of changing wet nappies, in shared bathrooms. For messy nappies, I have and will go out of my way to find a single-stall bathroom. 

Nappy brands

I've been trying out a variety of medical nappies over the last while, from bargain basement $1.10/ea AMD Slips to reasonable ID Experts to the once-amazing Tena maxis. Unfortunately down under, all medical nappies except the moderate-performing Molicare Maxis are cloth backed. To that end, all cloth backed nappies necessitate breathable PUL/other plastic pants, otherwise you would be find the outer shell and any encased liner quite damp. Unfortunately the Molicare Maxis don't hold a huge amount, topping out at about real 1200mls. They have readily leaked for me with less than this. Comparatively, the Depend Super Plus nappies hold only a touch more, but leak much much less. For longer shifts, I've spoken about the Abena M4s, yet these are much less discrete on my slender frame and can leak on occasion. All of the other nappies, including Tena, Nateen, ID Experts, Lille Supreme, Abena comforts and AMD nappies tend to expand to the point of being quite visible, and or leaking can be a problem. At least I'm spoiled for choice away from the workplace where I worry less about bulk. And then there are all of the infinitely more capable and reliable ABDL nappies.

Routine

My routine during work days remains similar with predictable nappies and changing times. Outside of work however, I really tailor my nappies and change times to whatever I'm doing. If around the house and unlikely to experience a bowel motion, I will wear more capacious ABDL nappies in a two-nappy-per-day regime. When I'm out and about, or when I'm expecting a bowel motion, it varies up to even 4 cheap nappies per day. This is meant to imply that I do prefer to use my nappies for #1s and #2s. With cheap options such as the AMD Slips, this isn't a huge burden. While it does require some extra thought when selecting a nappy, and additional cleanup at the time, I feel it's working well so far.

Incontinence

When you're in a partially-or-more wet nappy for more about 23hrs a day, it's really hard to know if you're having other individual accidents. I am proud to say though, I've been dripping more and more during the short trip from my bedroom to the bathroom before a shower. I've not felt any escape of liquid at all, so these are occurring without my knowledge. In addition, I've been flowing much more freely while at work. And worst case when the sphincter is shut in moments of stress, it's trivial now to push straight past it with a minimum of effort. With the weakening of my pelvic floor that I'm seeing at the 8-week point, I'm holding out hope that I will achieve my goal of medically recognised incontinence this year. I must give credit though, this is mostly due to my previous surgery, not that I'm complaining. 

In addition to urinary incontinence, I've continued to experience occasional bowel control accidents. The trigger (if there is one) still eludes me, and I would prefer not to have these were it an independent choice. As it stands, it still seems to be part of the package I've ordered. Therefore I will continue to manage it as best I can.

Social function

So far I have told all of my close friends except one about my nappies. At an appropriate time after the situation my friend is in currently within, I will tell them too leaving nobody unaware. At this point nobody has severed contact or even really changed the way relate or communicate. I'm really blessed to have such understanding an beautiful friends . At this stage, I remain without any further prospects or partners, not that I'm looking with any measure if effort. Truthfully, while I would love to feel the warmth of connection and or love again, I'm quite okay by myself. And this has only improved with nappies.

After going 24/7, I've now had three separate people at work comment about a change to my demeanour, that I'm far more relaxed and able to stay *chilled*. I know precisely what they mean. This is how I am when I'm wearing (and using) nappies. It really is the best version of myself, and people notice it. Outside of work, this change has been more gradual, and has been around for almost the last year. My social function alone (being able to go out, meet people) tells me that I'm doing much better.

24/7

At this point, I can't see that I will ever return to non-absorbent underwear again. The personal benefits are significant, and my experience to date (after learning from others before me such as @oznl and @Little Sherri) has been almost problem free. Hands down, the best thing to happen to me in 2021 ?.

Until my next update, ?.

[sparklezBear]

Time for another update about my 24/7 life in nappies. The last week was more or less unremarkable with the exception of a rather significant leak while at work. 

With a small measure of luck, this significant leak happened toward the end of my shift. Sitting down to tend to some paperwork is a typical and welcome occurrence at the end of long shift on my feet. It's something that I look forward to before I get to leave for the day. On occasion, I'm interrupted during the paperwork for something, having to go to an adjacent office briefly or so. This also happened on my fateful day. The day itself was without incident, and I utilised my nappy frequently throughout the day as I have for the last couple of months. Reaching the end of the practical work and commencing the paperwork, I grabbed my usual vinyl office chair and got to work as per usual. The next moment I was called away to a colleague in another room, and as I stood I felt a cold sensation from the back of my pants.

A quick run-over with my hand revealed very wet fabric. Looking down at the office chair, there was a sizable wet patch. As I wasn't the only person in the current room, I almost panicked, and I'm certain at least one of my colleagues noticed. I sat briefly on half the chair in an effort to mop up the drops with the other side of my pants which were dry, and then attempted to maneuverer out of the area with my backside to the wall. In the relative safety of a hallway, I inspected further with one hand, finding a wet patch from the back of my thighs extending down. I was so close to the end of my shift that I attempted to behave normally and complete my paperwork from another desk. As soon as I could viably leave without penalty, I was gone, into the staff room and out. By this time it was late, and few people were around to my fortune. Arriving at my car, I grabbed a plastic carry back from the back seat and threw that down on my car seat for the drive home. 

Upon reaching home, I immediately started to investigate the damage and cause. There was a very noticeable wet pack extending from the back of my thighs about half way down. The covering compression pants were still there, but had done nothing to stop the deluge. Taking those down, I was greeted by a Depend Super Plus at between 1/2 and 2/3 capacity. There was plenty of room left as there is most evenings. The underwear I use as a liner was soaked directly in the crotch and not elsewhere. Removing those, it appeared there was a fault of some kind. The cloth cover around the nappy was almost dripping. Very curious about the possibility of a hole, I concentrated to expel the last millilitres of urine into my nappy to watch what happened. As I did, the puddle remained in the crotch, and the nappy seemed not to wick anything to adjacent available padding. Evidently the resulting puddle could not help but be pushed out when I had sat at my workplace, as it would if I sat again.

This was new. Never had I had a nappy just not wick. Typically these down-under Depends have been reliable. With that said, the absorbent material is not one that swells a large amount (a good quality for discrete work wear). I'm curious if this also somehow inhibits wicking, or if perhaps small cracks developed similar to the ones that can occur on the down-under Abenas. On this occasion I couldn't see anything, although the outer shell of the depends are quite opaque, so I may not have been able to see such separation. Another possibility is a hole in the waterproof membrane which allowed the fluid an easier path according to gravity.

In retrospect, something like this was bound to happen sooner or later just as it has for some other nappy-clad professionals among DD.

The question remained, what should I do about it? Should I continue wearing the previously reliable Depend Super Plus nappies? Should I double-up the liner protection? Should I invest in some lined plastic pants?

After some thought I realised that I had never seen any of my plastic-backed nappies exhibit this behaviour. They do leak on occasion for certain, but never in such amounts that inundate a liner and flow out of my plastic pants. With that thought, I began to realise that the only thing louder than a plastic-backed nappy is a leak from a cloth-backed nappy. With determination to avoid such leaks in future, I tested out plastic backed nappies, wearing a ABU preschool to one shift, and a Molicare Maxi to another. I couldn't hear either over other ambient noises. And just like that, all of the cloth backed nappies are off the menu for work-wear.

 

In other news, I've a little more evidence that my incontinence may be further along than I had thought. In the last week on a couple of occasions while wiping up excess matter after a bowel motion in my nappy, there's been the pitter-patter of drops on the floor. To avoid messing anything else, I typically remove my messy nappies in the shower without the water running. This way, anything that does fall off doesn't get on other surfaces such as carpet or sheets. For some more formed motions, this clean-up can last mere seconds. For less formed motions, this can take a couple of minutes. Twice this week, an unexpected pitter-patter of drops occurred while I was cleaning up the excess. I didn't feel them pass, and they occurred without any awareness. Both occasions were met with a pleasant oh wow sort of reaction. This is in addition to the odd drips that happen from the short trip form my bed to the shower when changing out of a wet nappy. For those, I try to catch them in my thighs as I walk. Fingers crossed this continues! I would like to be more or less nappy dependent by the end of the year, day and night.

[diaperuser]

Have enjoyed your posts. Wishing you the best.