From Mommy to not Interested

[Luvschild]

So first off, my intent on posting this is just to say it because maybe it will make me feel better but I’m not looking to accomplish anything particular. 
 

A bit over a year ago I met the love of my life and shortly after dating her I told me my abdl secret. Not only was she okay with it but it was as if turned her on as well. She took on the role of my mommy and I felt like I was in a dream; she even voiced intrest in taking me to an abdl event. I eventually asked her to marry me and we are set to get married in June. I was really only ever a DL, but with her it’s almost like she brought out my AB side and it was wonderful. However, after an unfortunate even involving her polycystic ovary disease during sex (causing the most pain she said she has ever felt), things have never been the same. Her doctor put her on a birth control and her sex drive as basically dried up. I don’t know if it’s the birth control or the event, but ever sense then she has had no interest in being my mommy and I even feel like it’s an annoyance to her. I have talked to her about it but she has said she just wants things to be “normal” right now with all the stress going on in her life right now. It has been 5 months since this has all happened, and though I still love her and don’t regret proposing; I do feel a lot less close to her now and I don’t really feel loved like I used to. My stuff is still in the closet and I have made comments about just packing it up, which causes her to tell me to stop over reacting. I know I can’t force her to want to do things and either way I wouldn’t want to even if I could. I just have reverted to my shameful feelings about everything and I wish I had never told her. 
 

You guys don’t have to say anything, like I said I just wanted to speak my mind. However, if you do have questions or comments I shall respond. Thank you for reading.  

[oznl]

You mention that you’re not sure if it is hormonal effects of birth control or some kind of post-traumatic response to the “event”.  You do not suggest that there has been some kind of tectonic shift in your emotional relationship that means that the AB activities you value are now off-the-menu for you but that you quoted her as wanting things to be “normal” for now hints at this.

I would anticipate you’d need to have some calm chats about this to diagnose if the problem is sex in general or to do with the ABDL thing and go from there.

The first two options would be medical ones and probably easier to deal with than “option three” which is a relationship issue.  In any case it’s going to take some discussion between you both to move anywhere.  Clarity on the nature of the problem might best suggest the optimal resolution.

[Sophie ♥]

I also suggest couples counseling because traumatic events changing a relationship are like the #1 thing couples counseling is for.  If it's trauma, she can work through those problems, and if it isn't, you guys can work to find that middle ground.  Feeling 'unloved' when situations like this happen is super normal, but it might not appear so obvious to others.

[Luvschild]

Yes we have been having relationship issues for that same 5 months since the incident as well, which makes me think this is all tied together. We have been trying to work things out but we do have communication issues. I am tried to schedule some counseling, but it keeps getting pushed back due to things coming up. Her best friend’s car died and she has been staying with us from time to time because it’s closer to her work. There is no way I will say I don’t contribute to our issues as well but my fiancé has a hard time dealing with stress in my opinion. Whenever she gets really stressed in life it’s like she puts everything else on pause and I think this includes me. One last thing is I believe is the girl in the relationship, in which I mean I’m overly sensitive and probably take too many things to hard, while she blunt and not sensitive enough. Hopefully that gives more insight into my situation.  

[Alex Bridges]

I think if she’s okay with it, you could go back to how you used to express your DL side prior to the relationship. That’s better than nothing, and you’ll see how things develop as she heals.

What I would definitely not do is pack things away because purges are always a bad idea, and I would definitely, definitely not tell her you’re thinking about getting rid of everything. You don’t want to be perceived as pouting or, even worse, trying to make her feel guilty.

[Luvschild]

Well I kinda can’t go back to the way I was wearing because even though she doesn’t want me wearing or doing anything around her she still wants me to tell her every time I do. She says it’s because she wants to know when I’m in that kinda mood but I told her I almost always am.  All telling her does is make me feel ashamed and embarrassed. 

[Coodie]

Maybe put her needs before your own desires to be treated like a baby for a while?

[Alex Bridges]

8 hours ago, Luvschild said:

Well I kinda can’t go back to the way I was wearing because even though she doesn’t want me wearing or doing anything around her she still wants me to tell her every time I do. She says it’s because she wants to know when I’m in that kinda mood but I told her I almost always am.  All telling her does is make me feel ashamed and embarrassed. 

This is the woman you want to marry, so if it’s at this point, I’d advise putting your things away for a while (not purging; just putting hem away), attending to her needs, and finding ain’t friendly couples therapist.
 

A little pre-marriage therapy to help keep the lines of communication open and talk through expectations and anxieties while everything is so hectic leading up to the wedding and setting up a household together is honestly not the worst idea for pretty much everyone getting married.

The therapy will help because what you’ll need to do eventually is talk through your kink. The therapy shouldn’t be all about that, even at all at first, but it sounds like you need to explain the fundamentals (ie, it doesn’t go away) and come to a meeting of the minds on what that means for your solo diaper time. I’m afraid that continuing to wing it will cause a considerable conflict down the line. It’s already got you all anxious.

If you don’t want to do couples therapy, you can start with doing it alone, assuming you can afford it.

[DiaperedAllTheTime]

On 12/22/2019 at 5:45 PM, Luvschild said:

So first off, my intent on posting this is just to say it because maybe it will make me feel better but I’m not looking to accomplish anything particular. 
 

A bit over a year ago I met the love of my life and shortly after dating her I told me my abdl secret. Not only was she okay with it but it was as if turned her on as well. She took on the role of my mommy and I felt like I was in a dream; she even voiced intrest in taking me to an abdl event. I eventually asked her to marry me and we are set to get married in June. I was really only ever a DL, but with her it’s almost like she brought out my AB side and it was wonderful. However, after an unfortunate even involving her polycystic ovary disease during sex (causing the most pain she said she has ever felt), things have never been the same. Her doctor put her on a birth control and her sex drive as basically dried up. I don’t know if it’s the birth control or the event, but ever sense then she has had no interest in being my mommy and I even feel like it’s an annoyance to her. I have talked to her about it but she has said she just wants things to be “normal” right now with all the stress going on in her life right now. It has been 5 months since this has all happened, and though I still love her and don’t regret proposing; I do feel a lot less close to her now and I don’t really feel loved like I used to. My stuff is still in the closet and I have made comments about just packing it up, which causes her to tell me to stop over reacting. I know I can’t force her to want to do things and either way I wouldn’t want to even if I could. I just have reverted to my shameful feelings about everything and I wish I had never told her. 
 

You guys don’t have to say anything, like I said I just wanted to speak my mind. However, if you do have questions or comments I shall respond. Thank you for reading.  

After ten years of wearing diapers in my marriage I can promise what you are going through is quite normal.  There are most definitely peaks and valleys in all relationships but being with a partner who desires to wear diapers can make it an extremely wild roller coaster ride.  

My wife goes through different diaper participation cycles even on a monthly basis.  When she is ovulating she has tendancy to be more playful and Domme Mommy like.  Coversly, when she is on her period and immediately before she will have nothing to do with me and my diapers except an occasional diaper change.  During this time she too seems annoyed and bothered by Mommy time requests.  Obviously this is most certainly hormonal and I have grown to try not to complain about it too much.  I try and focus on the fact that I have a loving and understanding wife that accepts my need to wear diapers permanently and less on the fact she is not being "Mommy" enough.

Once most of us has found that special woman who plays Mommy so well it is hard to not want that all the time.  After all we are babies and we can be quite selfish.  If we do not get our Mommy the way we want her then we can throw temper tantrums.  It is easy to say to hide the diapers for awhile and focus on her needs but that is much harder to do in reality for some of us.  Diapers are simply that important.  

So what do you do.  You ride down to the bottom of the hill and wait for the ride to change course again.  Communication and openly expressing both of your feelings can help to provide the roller coaster's ride trajectory.  If over time the ride stays the the same and you find yourself miserable then you may find yourself deciding to get off the ride.  I do not recommend this as you really have to have patience in this situation.  I hope the ride changes for you and please feel free to PM if you need to talk.

[Luvschild]

Thank you everyone for your replies. All this is kind of confirming some of what I thought. I will have to just sit this one out for a while and just try to better the relationship, though it is hard because I do feel neglected and I feel like because she is going though a hard time with stress I’m just supposed to be the strong one and I’m not aloud to have problems of my own. I still really do worry that it all is an issue with the birth control (relationship issues included) because getting off the birth control isn’t really an option. 

[willnotwill]

My (now) wife was quite enthusiastic about the whole thing at first.    For several years she diapered me every night and bought me all kinds of toys (my wife and her daughter took me to build-a-bear for my 40th).     Her interest waned over time but is down to a "tolerates" status.

[technomonkey]

You think its bad now its not going to get any better. my wife owns a salon and woman like to talk - bitch about BF or marriage or work. I know a lot that after 25 the sex drive starts going down. and when you have kids it drops even more.  Just hope your GF is not the one that when you do get in a fight about what ever BS or if she has bad day or week. she brings in the diapers out of the blue and telling you to grow up or quit being a baby. wish u luck.

[diapernh]

It could also be that she is just not interested at the moment being mommy.  Just like sometimes we as babies have that period of times when we don't really have the extreme need to wear, maybe mommies have times that they too just want to be normal.

Try placing her first.  Is there something romantic that you used to do that you don't do that often, or go out to a nice dinner, gifts, flowers, better yet ask her what she would like to do.

[Smash-N-Dash]

I’m no expert by any means, but relationships have their ups and downs, and it sounds to me like you are stuck in a serious rut with your significant other. 

I think counseling and/or therapy is a good idea for the both of you. Often, speaking with counselor or therapist, being a neutral third party, can help you both to decipher each other’s thoughts and feelings and begin to adapt and grow to each other’s needs. Being there was a traumatic event involved, it might take some time to reach a breakthrough with counseling, but I feel like it would be very constructive for both of you.

One thing I would say for your future is try and find a healthy balance of your needs as well as hers. As much as you want the mommy/baby relationship you desire, she needs her desires and needs validated as much as you do. It sounds to me like you need to spend some time reciprocating what she needs being that she’s been so receptive to your needs, and putting your needs and desires on the back burner for a bit.

This is just my two cents, but I believe using your kinks or lifestyle as a major focal point of your relationship can be unhealthy. We are all human, after all, and we have other needs that have to be fulfilled as well besides our kinks and deepest desires. Even if your significant other is 100% on board with it, they need their breaks from it and need to focus on their needs, as much as you would.

I hope this helps.

[DiaperedAllTheTime]

I believe with some people it is simply impossible to turn the diaper switch off.  I know for me personally even reaching for that switch will put me in a state of misery that is difficult for me to overcome.  I am not sure what the right advice is.  Sometimes I think it would be better if my wife left me so she was not anchored down by my dirty diapers.  I think it is unfair and unrealistic for any woman to have to deal with a man who wants to wear diapers permanently.  With that said my wife loves me more than anything.  Hundreds and thousands of dirty diapers afterwards she remains committed at my side.  I am not sure what I have done to deserve such loyalty but it exists despite needing to wear diapers

[Luvs24]

On 12/24/2019 at 2:40 PM, willnotwill said:

My (now) wife was quite enthusiastic about the whole thing at first.    For several years she diapered me every night and bought me all kinds of toys (my wife and her daughter took me to build-a-bear for my 40th).     Her interest waned over time but is down to a "tolerates" status.

Your wife and here daughter took you to build a bear? 

[willnotwill]

3 hours ago, Luvs24 said:

Your wife and here daughter took you to build a bear? 

They told the staff I was there for my birthday so they gave me a sticker to wear that said "I'm the birthday bear" with my name and 40 on it.   We then went through making the bear.

 

[Luvs24]

1 hour ago, willnotwill said:

They told the staff I was there for my birthday so they gave me a sticker to wear that said "I'm the birthday bear" with my name and 40 on it.   We then went through making the bear.

 

Seems a little far fetched. I can see having your wife treating you as a toddler, or whatever age you want to be. Your saying the daughter of your wife is into helping with your baby side. This is your step daughter then, just doesn't sound right. But I have only been in this lifestyle for about 1 yr now.

[willnotwill]

1 hour ago, Luvs24 said:

Seems a little far fetched. I can see having your wife treating you as a toddler, or whatever age you want to be. Your saying the daughter of your wife is into helping with your baby side. This is your step daughter then, just doesn't sound right. But I have only been in this lifestyle for about 1 yr now.

Not far fetched at all.   She was 15 at the time and she knew I collected teddy bears (not sure that she knew about any other AB tendencies).   I've got bears all over he place.

[DL-Boy]

8 hours ago, willnotwill said:

Not far fetched at all.   She was 15 at the time and she knew I collected teddy bears (not sure that she knew about any other AB tendencies).   I've got bears all over he place.

I could see that happening...  No question, especially if she saw you as a collector and wanted to go in on a great birthday present to add to your collection.  Just because a person likes teddy bears and displays them proudly doesn't mean they're AB and a teenage girl probably wouldn't even give it a second thought.

[willnotwill]

In fact, she donated her entire collection of stuffed animals to me.    I only kept the bears.