I Dont Know What To Do Anymore

[shadows]

im so frustrated right now i dont know what to do i dont even know why im posting this maybe i just to know someone has read it or hear someone give me some advice but i dont know. so much is going on with my life july of last year i made a quick decision and decided to move to maryland 2 months early so i said good bye to my 2 best friends who if it wasnt for them i probably would have committed suicide. of course since it was such a quick decision i had to leave alot of stuff behind (my diapers, sex toys, my $2000 anime collection, well pretty much everything except my computer, sword, game systems, and guitar) but besides all that bad stuff something good did come of it (if your wondering what im writing all this for is i guess i thought it might be nice to year some of the details leading my problem). i found a site cause i needed money (since my mother cant afford to buy stuff for me like my grandmother could which i understand she works her ass off and only makes enough to live off) and i signed up for a free trial to a dating site (to earn $15 kinda complicated how that works) ok lets shorten this part a little ok so i signed up trials about to end call my grandmother to have her cancel it (the account was on her credit card) and she takes a deal for 3 months for the price of one so ya i get 3 more months then a little before the 3 months is up i see this profile for a girl she sounds so nice and like some one id like and so beautiful to so of course i think ya forget it but later i say screw it emailed her and she actually replied so i talk to her for 2 or so month in between then i tell her i love her she says she dont know how she feels but somewhat feels the same then Christmas comes along and for a present she tells me she loves me (which she had for a little bit but wanted to wait and tell me since i had told her that would be the best present i could ever get) so great finaly first time in my life i have a girlfriend all is good except her mom doesnt want her talking to me she dont know me and dont know we are together she dont even know she still talks to me ive only gotten to see her once and the only other person that knows we talk there is her sister and she doesnt even know we are together and now to the stuff that been making me so stressed that all i want to do is curl up in a corner and cry. like i said before i cant talk to her when her moms around, she cant call me cause she checks her bill thing or what ever, if i go to see her it can only be when her mom isnt home (which is hard since its 130 miles away) cause if she goes out her mom gets all suspicious. so i have only been with her in person once in the 3 months we have been together (technically more then once i stayed in a hotel for a week) i want to see her so bad its been 2 and a half months and it dont help that i worry so much like i worry about how she feels cause of stupid little things cause i dont know what i should worry about cause ive never been with any one before. i want to move down there so bad but i dont even have my license yet and i want to finish college and i need a job to save up some money and even with the plan i thought up its gonna be like another 4 months i dont know what to do im so frustrated i wish i had something to punch or cut with my sword just something to get these frustrations out on. im sorry for this long rambling post i just felt the need to post it if some one reads it great if not oh well and sorry for the grammer and punctuation im just to tired to go back and correct it

[baby-dandan]

Hey man, I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I can't say I know exactly how you feel because some of our scenarios are different. I have had alot of trials in my life. I've had thoughts of suicide due to severe depression, the only things that have gotten me through have been my family and friends. I had to buy myself a punching bag to relieve some of my frustration, and when I wasn't around my punching bag I would punch the wall. (which hurt like hell!) Hang in there, life is always a challenge but it has it's good moments. Don't worry about the grammer and punctuations (I probably didn't spell that correct) you got your point across. Anyway, try to have a good day!