Little Luzy Limited (Complete!)

[Sophie ♥]

On 9/18/2019 at 9:53 AM, Jayme said:

this story is fantastic both Little Luzy and Little Luzy Light are beautiful to read.

Little Luzy Light is a great title and I wish I thought of it. XD

[Sophie ♥]

61.)

"Who is she?" "You're so mean!" Anni cried, rolling over on the bed and looking up at the ceiling.  Rissa was tying up my hair. "A friend," Rissa said, brushing out my bangs.  We were quiet a while longer, until my hair was done, and Rissa began to brush Anni's. "…I don't like her… the one that says she's Mommy… she's not…" I felt a weight in my chest… "Y-you are…"

"Nuhuh, Mommy is Mommy…" Ister smiled at her surrogate sister, and then directed her gaze back to Luzy. "Things are different, and the rules are different, too. We're on our own now, an' Miss Nora takes care of us. She wants to take care of you, too, and teach you all the new rules." It was… complicated, trying to explain this, and it was a blessing that Anni was being as cooperative as she was. Ister found the size of her hole holding, though.

I shook my head, playing with my fingers in my lap. "It's not like that…" It couldn't be.  Right?  I bit my lip and rubbed my eyes with my hands. "Daddy's gonna come back for us… it's probably a joke… a… a… trick…" Right?  Of course it was.  Just another test…

"I dun' think he is, Loozy… an' I missed you an' was worried tha' you died 'cause the fire… an' I wanna take care of you, okay? 'cause we're sisters, aren't we? An' when a Daddy goes away, sisters take care of one-another." "Nuhuh, we're sisters, Izzy!" "That's different, silly Anni!"

"He'll come back," I said quietly, nodding my head.  I was trying to convince myself.  Obviously, at that.  But he wouldn't just leave us!  That didn't make sense.  He loved us.  He loved all of us… "Girls." I looked up in the doorway, seeing that woman again.  I crossed my arms in a huff.  Stupid woman, trying to replace Daddy…

"Give her a chance, Loozy, she's taken care of me for a long time." Ister smiled weakly and leaned over, kissing Luzy's cheek. At that point, Nora clicked her fingers at the girl went limp, only barely being caught by Ister, whom now held her in her arms and looked up at Nora bewilderedly. "Don't worry, Anni," Nora started, looking at her youngest daughter. "Luzy is just taking a nap, right, Ister?"

Ister nodded and helped me lay down on the mattress.  As always, it would be a couple minutes before I woke up.  It always let Daddy have enough time with my subconscious to mess with things.  That's what the snapping used to do.  Sleep and trance.  But nowadays, it was just enough of a break to help me come to fruition, to wade through the quiet, and wake up again.

"Luzy's a sleep floozy…" It was Koi who woke the girl up, a kiss on her lips, because fairytales had no limit in appeal to her — Luzy was still wearing the borrowed corset, laced decoratively, and that meant it was one of the rare times that Koi wasn't wearing one. The powder blue walls were the only other accompaniment; Nora and the girls had left the room a few moments ago.

I looked nervously around the room, but when I sat up, I felt the corset laced against my back.  I rubbed my eyes and looked up at Koi. "…what… what happened?  Did I fall asleep…?" Weren't we in the hall?  And… and Nora was being mean.  Right?  No, I wasn't feeling well.  She told me I needed to lie down.  I tried to ignore her.  I guess I did pass out...

"I suppose so." There really was a duality, just like Nora had said… and seeing it now, it was so embarrassing to Koi that she'd been so oblivious to it before: she was a whole different person. "How are you feeling? Any headaches, or sickness or dizziness or anything of the sort like that?"

"Just foggy, I think…" Which isn't too weird.  It's usually how you wake up, anyway, right?  I looked at Koi nervously, at her figure in the nightgown she still wore. "I'm wearing your corset…" "I thought it would keep you safe." "…you're so stupid." Still, I couldn't help but smile at her.

"The girls are really sweet…" Koi had a lot on her mind, her talk with Nora about Luzy and her issues were at the top of the giant heap, and she was finding it difficult to not just blurt that much out. "Nora is, too… she told me about the girls, how they had bad stuff happen to them, and how she fixes people like that. I think that's… really amazing..."

"Yeah… she's a really wonderful person…" But Koi knew why I didn't work here.  No amount of nice words were going to fix that.  No amount of being a good person.  I sighed and sat up, my head spinning. "Ister and Anni are very lucky girls, I think."

"If… something bad happened to me, maybe… just something bad, would you be okay with me coming to a place like this to be fixed? Even if I had to spend some time like those girls?" Asking Luzy about herself would be a fool’s errand, especially right now — she was still so blind. How did Nora ever expect to get through to her…?

I opened my mouth, looking hard at my friend, but I couldn't find the words.  Koi… wanted to be here?  No, that didn't make sense… "Um… I… I think that would be okay.  I mean, I…" I looked nervously at my bedsheets, trying to force a smile. "Maybe then I'd keep the job!  If I got to babysit… uh… you." This was so hard.  Was I… jealous?  No.  I was just… a concerned friend… "Are you okay?" I finally asked.

"I'm fine! I'm just thoughtful, that's all. When you… uh… got sleepy, I was worried about you, and I was talking to Nora, and about those girls, and I just thought that if something ever happened to you, something bad… I'd want for you to come to a place like this to be helped. And I'd come visit you like every second day, and put you in pretty corsets, and ribbons and stuff…"

“Okay…" She was being weird.  I got up properly and moved uncomfortably in the corset.  It wasn't tied very tight.  Maybe to keep me from waking up… "I don't know why Anni and Izzy are here, actually.  I mean, I know they've suffered somehow, but… I'm not sure what happened." It would have made sense to ask.  I would have asked, too, if I'd kept the job. "But whatever it is, I think it's worse than anything that can happen to an ugly girl like me!" I laughed.

"…I don't kiss ugly girls, jus' eff-why-eye, so you should probably stop being self-depreciating or I'll tell Nora to punish you — she said that she spanks when needed, and you know that she probably hits hard. So be good." Koi knew why the girls were here. Well, actually, no, she knew why Ister was here, the same reason that Luzy needed to be. "Promise me that if you ever had anything horrible happen to you, you'd let someone like Nora take care of you."

The mention of Nora's spankings brought bright blood to my cheeks.  I looked away quickly to avoid Koi catching on.  I really didn't want her knowing about Nora babying me, even if she'd seen me in a diaper… "I've got you, Koi.  You're wayyy more protective than Nora is.  Okay?"

"All the protectiveness in the world isn't worth very much without the ability to help, though. I just mean I wanna hear you say it… say that if you ever had really bad trauma, you'd let Nora cure you… okay? Because I think that's important, you're really bad at asking for help, and even worse at even just admitting when you need it." Koi frowned and crossed her arms, looking at her best friend. "No snarky comments or diverting the topic."

"…sheesh, Koi.  Sure.  If it makes you happy…" She was being so weird.  What did it matter if I agreed to come here or not?  I didn't have anything worth coming here for, and more than that, I didn't plan on it.  Was this a safeguard, in case Koi stopped being my friend…? "What's gotten into you?"

"I don't know, I just never considered that it was possible to get so messed up by something that you literally can only recover by being reset." Koi shrugged and looked at her friend. "Oh, Nora wanted to talk to you about… that Kriss girl. She told me to send you to talk to her about that once you woke up."

I took a deep breath and crossed my arms over my chest.  Koi looked curiously at me, and I pouted back. "I'm not calling her." "Are so." "No I'm not.  I don't want to deal with this.  I'm not playing babysitter anymore.  If Nora wants Kriss's number, then fine.  But it's not my business…" And I didn't want to be here.  I didn't want to know what it looked like when someone was secure with their desires…

"You're going to call her, or I'm not going to kiss you again." Koi's eyes lit up and she smiled, looking at the color that came to her friends cheeks. Oh, she so liked it.  She so liked the kissing! "Nora has been sweet to you and paid for your worked hours, and she's a good person and you are going to call Kriss and help her out, understand little missy?" Yeah. Boom.

Little missy?  I felt color in my cheeks and I opened my mouth to retaliate.  It took a moment's hesitation to figure out exactly how. "I don't care if you don't kiss me, Koi.  It's just a game right now anyway, 'cause you haven't had a girlfriend in like, a bajillion years.  And you're horny, and I'm dressed like a toddler, and you like taking advantage of a situation.  If you wanna call Kriss, do it yourself." Yeah.  Boom.

Actions spoke so much louder than words, and Koi made her next action to push the standing girl against the wall, run her fingers up the laces of her corset, and then kiss her. Because obviously she didn't appreciate the value of her best friend’s girl-kisses enough. Nora had asked Koi to help with this one thing, and given Nora was going to help Luzy.  This was the least that Koi could offer.

I'd had sex.  I'd been kissed.  I'd done all that mouth on cock stuff.  I have.  It's not bad.  But Koi's kisses… she knew what she was doing.  And her fingers touched my skin through the laces on the corset.  And it was hard to breathe with her cheek against my nose, and I was on my tip-toes to keep away from her, and she was on hers to keep on me.  And when she finally stopped, I was having trouble standing…

"…you go and tell Nora that you're going to help her with Kriss, that you want Ister to get better. Right now." Koi wasn't the authoritative type, though she was dominant in most relationships she’d had. Luzy was so submissive, and that Koi hadn't realized until now was simply embarrassing.

"N-no…" Wow, that did not sound like me… and altogether, my actions didn't follow my words.  I was let off the wall, and I walked awkwardly out into the hallway.  Koi watched me, so I sighed and marched onward.  I found Nora in the kitchen.  Alone.  I looked around for the girls. "…I'll call Kriss if you wanna," I said quietly, "But I need to be getting home soon…"

"Call her once you get home, and arrange for her to come over tomorrow. I'd like you to be here, because Ister trusts you, even as an observer. I'm sure it'll all be fine, but if she gets scared or nervous, you're going to be here for her. What's your schedule like tomorrow?" Nora spoke clearly, like this was a foregone conclusion, like she expected this would happen. Maybe she did...

"I have school," I said flatly.  It was only noon, now.  I hadn't had lunch, but I remembered breakfast well.  I bit my cheek and looked down at the phone on the counter.  I was glad I remembered to bring it, with how sick I was last night… "I'll tell her to come by.  But I'm busy.  I'm busy all week." Take a hint, lady!

"You'll be paid for the time here, as you'll be here in an official capacity." Nora had different ways to get to the same destination, but this one was a pretty useful angle. "After losing your job at Subway on the weekend, I'm sure that the money could help, couldn't it?"

"…how did you know I lost my job?" I could probably get it back.  Or I'd just get a different job!  With what Nora had paid me last week, I'd had a good amount of savings.  At least enough to make it a month, until I needed a different job… "It doesn't matter - I'm not gonna be here."

Nora sighed and smiled. "You told me that you did, you don't remember? Well, not to worry, I'm sure something else will come up for you. Regardless…" The woman looked at the girl, or rather… looked through her. "Please consider Ister, this could be the moment she becomes healthy and happy again.  And if you were the first person she saw once she became Rissa again, I think that she could be significantly more likely to be able to adapt to the real world. Please? For Ister?"

"You'll have Kriss for that." "I'll have both of you." I tugged at my fingers behind my back, looking up at the ceiling.  She was making this so fucking hard! "I'm busy all week," I muttered. "Then we can do it today." "I have plans." "Yes?" …ugh.  Why do I always get stuck in these situations… "It's short notice…"

"Call Kriss and organize it, we'll have her over at her earliest convenience today — something tells me that she'll free up her schedule once you let her know that she can come over." Nora smiled, having easily won as she planned that she would, and then looked at Luzy. "You're wearing Koi's grape lipgloss — it looks good on you." Or, moreover, Nora knew the two had been kissing, but this angle was less confrontational. "Go make the call."

Nora left me alone and I looked bewildered at the spot she was standing.  I touched my lips and rubbed my fingers together.  I needed to be more careful.  I grabbed my phone off the counter and went into the text log.  Six text messages, 5 from Kriss.  I'd left her hanging for days.  I deserved this… "You should see Rissa," I texted her. "Things are different and weird right now, but you should come see her." And I typed out the address.
 

[Sophie ♥]

62.)

"Cute dress." Kriss smiled as she eyed the girl who'd opened the door — she didn't expect to find her in an office building, or for her to be dressed in something so… childish. Not infantile. Just childish in the way that simple dresses are. "And is that a corset? Oh, show me, turn around, let me see." The girl was bubbly, smiley, beautiful in all the ways she usually was — Luzy, conversely, hadn't said a word since opening the door, and wore a blush on her cheeks that coordinated quite well with the pink of the exposed corset laces on her back.

"It's not my usual kind of thing," I said with a frown.  Kriss didn't know about my… old desires.  But those were gone now.  Right?  Still, the dress was cute… "Nora's uh… very… persuasive…" Rather, this or keep wearing that nightgown.  At least Koi let me keep her corset, even if she did change back into her jeans and a borrowed shirt.  The corset added at least five years to my outfit.  I just looked like I was ready for homecoming or something.

"Well it's sixteen types of adorable. So is this where you work? Are we going to meet Rissa, now?" The building did, after all, resemble in some great regard, a small office, maybe a law firm, perhaps? Certainly not the kind of place she'd have expected to find Rissa — she found most every type of work to being a boring, dull, droll. She needed the excitement of interaction with people.

“No, I… I mean, I don't anymore.  I did.  I… babysat…" Oh man.  I had tried to explain in a text.  It just wasn't coming out right… "I, uh… babysat, uh… Rissa, and… another girl…" Kriss looked at me weirdly, up and down, as if I was missing something.  As if maybe I'd figured something out.  But I just stared back, confused.

"You… babysat Rissa? How interesting." Well that would certainly be an interesting turn of events, if it turned out to be the case! Kriss grinned playfully and shrugged. "Where does a girl sign up to have Pretty Luzy as her babysitter, hmm? I bet there's a long waiting list." Finally, Kriss closed the door behind her and the two of them stood in the foyer together.

I didn't have words.  She was joking, right?  Well of course she was joking!  But I still couldn't look past it.  I never thought I'd be babysitting an adult - it was often my desire to have it the other way around.  But now I was better.  I was almost done graduating.  I… I was fine… "Earth to Luzy." "…wh-what?  R-right… sorry.  Um.  She's.  Nora has…" Fuck.  Fuck me.  Fuck everything. "I just… I'm worried because of your… uh… particular interests…"

"My… interests?" Kriss smiled, her head to one side, and then that grin grew wider as she shook her head. "Oh honey, no no no, don't you be worried — I have a partner, remember?" Which somehow precluded the possibility of interest, maybe. "You worry far too easy about far too much! It's no wonder you can't see that your best friend has a crush on you, you're too messed up in your head. Now come on, take me to Rissa! Oh, do you have her locket still?"

My best friend has a crush on me?  Wait… wait, how did Kriss know that Koi… I didn't tell her we kissed!  I mean, we didn't even talk about Koi all that much… and… "I… I don't mean you're going to jump me or anything!" What was she even getting at? "I just mean, Nora's… Nora's a therapist, so you can't just stay here and act like a kid for fun.  She's working." "…you lost me." Fuck.  Fuuuuuccckkkk. "Okay.  Um.  Rissa's… you gotta call her Ister, I think.  Nora was vague about that…"

"…I have to call Rissa Ister? But that's not her name, her name is Rissa. Why would I call her a name that's not her name? That doesn't make any sense at all." Just what was this place? Was there something going on here that Kriss needed to be made aware of? Obviously, the picture was starting to fall into place. "…Luzy. Is Rissa here against her will?"

"No!  Oh gosh, no.  No.  Not like… okay, wait.  Just… sit down." I motioned to the couch against the wall, and Kriss took a seat.  I paced awkwardly in my fancy dress, looking at my fingertips in front of me.  This was so complicated… "This is… therapy… but it's… removed.  Like Ist- er… Rissa… Rissa had some issue or something, like a serious problem.  And Nora's like, a therapist.  But Ister - uh, Rissa - lives here.  And there are… rules…"

"Okay, therapy." It didn't surprise Kriss, to be truthful — everybody dealt with what had happened in their own way, and for Luzy it had meant pretending it hadn't happened at all, which was perhaps the most unhealthy way to have handled it. "So tell me about the rules, tell me about Ister. Does she remember me? If she doesn't, maybe I shouldn't have come here… I mean, I could set her back in her therapy, couldn't I?"

"I think she's almost better, from what Nora says…" Why did I have to do this?  Nora could debrief her so much better than me.  But maybe I didn't want Nora involved.  Maybe I didn't want Kriss thinking it was okay to stay… "And I think she remembers you.  I haven't asked…" Okay.  I gotta say it sometime… "Uh.  Nora… like.  She starts girls… or boys… I don't know, I didn't ask about boys… but uh, she starts them, like, as… well, it's not like starting over, it's like… like… starting… fresh?  But like, without… worries or…"

"Oh… so she regresses? I guess I get that." The admission wasn't the sort of jumping-on-the-idea sort of reaction that Luzy might have expected. Actually, it was careful and considered and ended with Kriss frowning a little bit as she nodded. "I guess as long as Rissa consented to that kind of treatment, that's okay. Do you think it's working? I guess in the end if it works, that's all that really matters, isn't it? I think that makes it alright, even if it is a bit unconventional."

"I just mean…" Okay, so I was caught a little off guard… "Uh… I just mean, that… Ister's here to come to terms with whatever happened to her, in like, a… safe, detached way?  So she can be her again and not feel bad." That's the way Koi explained it to me, anyway.  It made sense, psychologically. "But you can't… you can't just, like…" How was I supposed to say this?

Kriss took Luzy by the hand and smiled across at her from her spot on the sofa, understanding washing across her features. "If you can see that it works, if you think that it's a valid treatment for someone who has been through really bad things and needs help coping, then I understand." Was that why she'd invited Kriss here? Was she going to have treatment here? Kriss decided that she needed to be suitably supportive of the idea, should it come up. "So it's a safe and detached way for her to come to terms with what happened to her, and she's almost fixed all the way, so it seems to work, right? And Nora? The therapist? Does she seem genuine?"

“I guess so…" "Then there's nothing to worry about." …huh.  Okay.  So Kriss was taking this pretty well.  Better than I did, my first time here… maybe she didn't understand the extent?  But this was a girl who liked the kid stuff… "Kriss, I know you… uh… I know this kind of thing is interesting to you, so just…" I bit my lip.  I was so nervous… "You can't get her treatment… Ister's… just because it might seem cool… it's therapy.  It's not make believe…"

"Oh. Oh. Oh you think? No no no. I'm actually quite fine! I did go through some very bad things a while ago, but I faced down what happened, and got some help and put things in order. I don't see any need for me to have any further therapy, but I completely understand that this program might be very helpful for people who haven't begun to face their experiences yet." That's what this was, wasn't it? Luzy wanted to do it, she met Rissa here and saw that it worked, and she was here for help!

"Right…" …man, she just wasn't getting it, was she?  Or was she… just… not interested?  She really wasn't interested?  I didn't even like this stuff anymore, and I was a little… no.  I shook my head. "Um.  Okay.  I'm just going to be straightforward…" Clearly the best way to handle it. "Ister's in a position you might…" Envy? "consider ideal.  For yourself.  Not the therapy.  The other stuff.  The… uh… how she's… uh… being treated." I felt like such a bad friend… "But if you're gonna go see her and just get jealous or something, then you can't see her.  Nora isn't going to treat you like she treats her!  And… and if you ask her to, or if you try to stay-"

"Oh…" There was some realization to her tone, and a color to her cheeks — though it wasn't entirely genuine. She figured out what this was when the topic of regression had come up, but only now upon realizing just how much Luzy wanted to be here, to get help, realized how appealing she needed to make it seem. "Well… I guess it wouldn't be fair to be here and be treated like a little girl if there's nothing wrong with me, right? I mean if I realized all of a sudden that I had this big trauma that I'd been hiding away, I guess that would be different…"

"No." Wow.  Rude.  Okay.  Mellow out, girl… "I mean… I mean, I…" Jeeze… "You… you shouldn't… think this is an option for you…" I couldn't have her undermining Nora's work!  But that was it, right?  I just needed to make sure she didn't do something stupid… "I just mean… just because you like it, like this stuff, doesn't mean you can stay.  It's not right.  It isn't.  Ister doesn't like it.  Anni doesn't like it.  It's therapy.  If you like it, it's not gonna work.  Okay?  Just…" Fuck my life. "Don't stay.  Okay?  Don't even ask…" Would Nora say yes?  Would I have another friend I'd be forced to babysit…?

"Look." Kriss smiled, and put her hands on each of Luzy's cheeks, sighing deeply as she looked into her eyes. Make this simple. "Enjoying regression or not wouldn't impact the effectiveness of the treatment, not the way you describe it. I'm fine, though, I had some trauma in my life but I faced it at the time and moved on. This is more for people who haven't faced their trauma, who haven't dealt with it, and who have repressed it. Regression for Repression, you get it?"

"…you don't want to live here?" Kriss laughed.  She really laughed.  Which was a very nice change of the tenseness in the room.  Alternatively, it made me feel really stupid. "Of course I don't want to live here!" "…r-right.  Of course." Wow.  I'm so stupid… "I just thought, because… you like… I mean, because…"

"I like to act like a little kid to blow off steam, and deal with stress, but gosh, do I want to do it full time? No, of course not. That's not practical." But… "But I understand that Rissa needed to, and need is different to want. Knowing what you need to do is sometimes what decides if you're going to wither or bloom."

I blinked, looking at the girl, frozen in place.  I felt odd.  I felt… colored wrong.  Like somebody forgot what colors go inside what lines… "Come on," she said, and took my hand. "Let's go see Rissa." "…k-kay…" I made my way down the stairs, ahead of Kriss.
 

[Jayme]

Luzy is getting tripped up on the wither or bloom statement. Who knows, maybe some more depth will.show up in this version?

[Sophie ♥]

63.)

"You must be Kriss. It's so nice to meet you at last — I've heard so much about you." Nora smiled, peering over the girl’s shoulder at Luzy, who was following just behind, and holding her hand. "You must think terrible things of me." "To the contrary — I think only the remarkable. You redeemed yourself, you saved lives." "Well…" Kriss squeezed Luzy's hand. "I'd like to see Rissa now, if that's okay?" "Of course. She's in her room, and we'll all go see her together, the three of us."

I didn't want to be here.  I mean, I felt better, knowing she wasn't interested in Nora that way.  That Kriss wasn't going to exploit it.  But the reuniting… I didn't feel like I was a part of it.  I just babysat a couple times.  Still, I supposed, this was thanks to me.  I could deal with it.  I could… try to help.

The bedroom was the powder blue one, not the one with the cribs — Ister knew that it wasn't her room, but upon lengthy deliberation, Nora had decided that given the fallout this might well spark with Luzy, that room would be the best possible place to be. The door opened, and Ister was sitting on the edge of the bed in a onesie, her diaper bulge visible, the pacifier covering her lips, and her hair in pigtails. Nora entered first, and then Luzy… and then, behind the two of them… Kriss. "Hello Ister." The name was unfamiliar to her tongue, but she heeded the caution given by Luzy, and smiled. Immediately, Ister got to her feet and ran across the room, throwing her arms around the girl tight as could be, leaving both Nora and Luzy to watch in astonishment.

Ister was crying.  She couldn't help it, I guess.  I didn't blame her.  If I had been reunited with Koi or something I'd cry too.  But I was crying.  I didn't even realize it.  I wiped my eyes and looked down at the tears on my hands, mystified.  I didn't get it…

Kriss reached into her pocket and took out the locket that she'd gotten back from Luzy, then reached behind Ister's neck and fastened it with a small smile, adjusting it into place. "I thought… I thought you died… I thought," Ister rubbed her eyes over and over again, but the tears kept coming. "I thought I was all alone, and I know that Cana died and… and I thought you did, and that Luzy did.” Evidently, the fact that Luzy was listening slipped Ister's mind in the emotional display. "I thought I was going to be alone forever…" "I got out, I'm okay, and I was so worried about you, Ris… Ister. I was worried about everybody…"

I didn't want to ruin the moment.  I just didn't feel well.  They both hugged, they cried, contrasting so much in appearance.  I couldn't breathe right. "E-excuse me," I muttered, and stepped out of the room.  I didn't make it halfway down the hall before running into Koi. "You alright?" "F-fine… uh… just gotta use the bathroom..."

Koi nodded her head, and when they got to the bathroom, she followed the girl inside. Luzy looked at her in exacerbation, and Koi smiled simply. "I'll turn around. You just have that look on your face so I'm not going to leave you alone in case you want to do something really silly. So you can tinkle while I'm in here, or I'm sure there are more of those cute diapers around here."

"Don't be stupid," I said a little too harshly.  I didn't know why I said it.  She was just being playful.  That's how Koi was.  I sighed and shook my head. "Sorry.  Sorry… I just don't feel well…" I should be happy for Ister.  Why did I have to get all sick-feely now? "Maybe we should go - give those two some privacy…”

Nora had mentioned this could happen, that Luzy might try to run — maybe it was why she'd let her leave the room in the first place. Koi smiled, not belaying the warning, and took her best friend by the hands. "I'll come with you, okay? I think it would mean a lot to Ister if you were there, because this could be the day she gets to go home, and she really likes you a lot."

"We're not even that close," I muttered, wiping more tears from my cheeks with my shoulder.  Koi, though, took me by the hand and led me out of the bathroom.  I didn't feel well… "They probably want alone time…" "Nora is in there." "…but they…"

"It's important." Koi reminded Luzy simply, reassuringly, and kissed her on the forehead — awkward, given she was so much shorter — before turning back to the door to the bedroom that Luzy had hurried out of. "Hold my hand, and if you get nervous or scared, squeeze it, okay?" This could be it… this could be the most important day in Luzy's life. Koi steeled herself and smiled confidently. "No matter what happens, you're going to be okay. I promise."

"What happened?  How did you…" "It's not important." "Like hell it's not important!" "Ister." "Sorry, Mommy…" A blush came over her cheeks at the automatic response and she looked down at her feet.  Kriss laughed a little bit.  I stayed in the corner with Koi's hand in mine.  I really shouldn't be here for this…

Kriss took a deep breath and smiled at Ister, putting the back of her hand against the girl’s cheek as she leaned into it, nuzzling like a kitten. "Ister…  the past happened, and we can't hide from that, but as long as we know that it happened and it's okay and it doesn't stop the future from happening, everything is okay." “Uhhuh…" Ister looked down at the pendant around her neck and bit her lip, shifting from foot to foot, before she turned her glance to Luzy, and then back to Kriss. "Luzy is still hiding…"

I blinked at my name, looking at the two girls.  They both looked my way.  Ister with a frown of concern.  Kriss with a fake smile.  My chest hurt even more, and with Koi's hand in mine, I squeezed it.  I didn't like this.  Why was I here?  I just wanted to go home…

"Luzy, come here, please." Nora smiled, looking at the girl, at Koi, and at the pair by the bed. Ister and Kriss shared anxious smiles, and waited for Luzy to approach. Koi squeezed her hand reassuringly, and that left Luzy there in the ocean of the room, the decision upon which port to sail to left entirely up to her. "There's a secret I wanna tell you." "The best one ever, we promise."

"Okay," I muttered, looking at both the girls, and then up at Nora.  I could feel my heart racing in my chest.  I couldn't make sense of this.  I couldn't even figure out why we were still here!  Ister seemed better.  We could go home now, right?  I needed to calm down...

"Luzy… my name is Rissa." It felt nice to say, felt nice to own that name again, that name left behind on the other side of the hole. Now, just like that, on this side. "Once upon a time, the three of us lived together." "With another girl, Cana. You saw a photo of her at my house, you remember that she was familiar?" "Something horrible happened, and we all broke away from each other, and from ourselves… you don't remember… so I know this seems crazy…" Kriss took one of Luzy’s hands, as Rissa took the other, and the two of them smiled. "Some things you see, some things you hear… you get this faraway look on your face, like you recognize them, like maybe from a dream. Like when… I say wither or bloom." "You don't let yourself remember, but the memories are still there."

"…I'm sorry, but…" I didn't feel well.  I was going to be sick.  I felt my chest hurt in a way I'd never felt, so much worse than it had recently, and it took all the energy I had not to curl over in a ball, just to keep standing. "I think you're mistaken."

"You met a doctor, a charming man with blonde hair, and a smile that made you feel like you could just follow his every word." "His voice was sweet, and warm, and every time he spoke it felt like butter was running into your ears." "He promised you so many things, promised to help you, to make it so you could be happy… because you had something making you sad…" "Your friend found you enjoying something harmless, innocent, sweet and cute… and you felt shame… you went to see him… "

I pulled my hands away from both the girls, looking from them to Nora, to Koi.  They just watched me.  What was this?  A game?  I shook my head. "I'm sorry, but you're wrong.  I never…" I mean, I did.  I mean, they did describe the doctor right… and I did see him because Koi walked in on me… but that didn't mean… "L-listen, all that's over with.  I'm better now…" Koi didn't know this.  I didn't want to talk about this…

In the end, it was going to be Kriss who was crucial to all of this, Kriss who knew the order of events, irrefutably. Kriss who was the key, and Rissa who provided the venue. "He created a sub-self of you, Daddy did. Her name is Little Luzy." The anger washed over Luzy’s face, her instinct to react, and Kriss quickly answered. "You're supposed to get mad when someone other than him says that name, to react aggressively, because after a few times, even someone else’s words brings her out. The perfect you he created." "He was a hypnotherapist," Rissa finally contributed, reaching for Luzy’s hand again. "Someone who you gave write-access to your brain, and he covered his tracks…"

I pulled my hand away again, looking at the two girls in frustration.  They were joking, right?  This is such bullshit. "I'm not who you think I am, okay?  I'm not this… hypnosis girl or whatever.  So just shut the fuck up, alright?" I turned to storm out, but Nora stepped in front of me.  I pushed her away, but ultimately, I knew how little that would matter. "You can't keep me here," my tone shaking in anger.

"You went missing for months, Luzy, and then you showed up in a different state with no idea how you got there. The hospital called me, remember?" "You've been having blackouts. When someone says that name, a few times, pushes through your anger, you become her…" "Little Luzy." "Little Luzy." "Little Luzy" "Little Luzy." The words rang into Luzy’s ear.

"SHUT UP!  SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT-" Koi took my hand in hers and I felt tears on my cheeks.  I was trembling.  I couldn't do this… not now… please, not now… "Please… shut up… please no more… please, please, please…" I couldn't stop crying.  I didn't even know why!  I just… I just… wanted them all to stop...

"He broke who you were, Little Luzy, and like a bone a break without a splint heals wrong!" The impassioned plea came from Rissa, of all the people, her hole was finally solidified, her-self so close to complete — the guilt and what remained would flush away with this moment of redemption. "Little Luzy, Little Luzy, Little Luzy!"

"Please don't," I cried, sobbing into Koi's shoulder.  I couldn't move.  I couldn't think.  My head was spinning.  Everything was spinning.  Too many words.  Too much… too much… and everything was quiet.  For a second.  I thought maybe I died.  But everyone was still here.  I still felt Koi.  But I dare not open my eyes… "N-no more… p-please…"

"I promise I'll keep you safe… I promise, I'll make sure that you're never lonely or scared." Koi was whispering into her ear, as she played fingers through her hair. "They're being truthful… you were hurt, Luzy… hurt so bad, too bad to remember, too bad to recover from on your own… they're going to help."

"It hurts," I muttered.  Real acknowledgement, said out loud.  I was in so much pain… "It hurts so much… please no more… please make it go away again… please…" Everything was still so quiet.  Everyone was quiet.  Maybe they were afraid.  Maybe I was just drowning it out.  I didn't know.  But I wasn't standing.  I felt like I was floating.  For now.  Gravity would kick in…

"I know baby, I know… that's why you hid it… but you don't have to hide it anymore, there's a way to make the pain go away without losing part of who you are." "Luzy, we love you." "We do! Us, and Koi, and Miss Nora, too." It was the first time that Ister hadn't jumped to Mommy as a term, a notable sign of her impending salvation. "We can wear corsets and suck on sippy cups together, and watch endless episodes of bad TV shows… you just have to trust us, trust your friends, trust Miss Nora. She can help."

Gravity. "N-no…" I hesitated, and pushed Koi away from me.  I opened my eyes to the brightness of the room.  It was brighter than I remembered.  I was going to throw up.  But right now was… strange.  I was in-between.  I remembered.  But I didn't.  Not whole.  Just… lost.  I stood in the middle of them all and I screamed. "I don't want it!  I AM FINE!  I DON'T WANT IT!  STOP RUINING IT!"

"I told you that you could wither or you could bloom, Luzy. You're withering… you're losing your petals, you're letting them fall away from you. But it's not too late…" Nora stepped toward Luzy, closer even as she backed up against the wall, and smiled warmly, maternally, brushing her errant bangs from her eyes once she came close enough. "I'm going to make the pain go away, Luzy. I'm going to make the pain go, but the memories stay. And you're going to be whole again, you only need to ask me." "Please, Luzy…"

"I AM HAPPY AND YOU ARE RUINING IT!  YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE IT BAD AGAIN BECAUSE I DID IT AND I GOT AWAY AND YOU ARE MAKING IT BAD!  YOU ARE MAKING IT SO BAD!" Tears poured down my cheeks while the four in the room watched me.  This wasn't about me.  It wasn't supposed to be about me.  I tried to rationalize.  All had good reason.  Koi wanted to get rid of me.  Ister wanted out of here.  Nora needed a replacement.  Kriss doesn't even like me.  Logical.  But none of it explained the knowing.  The knowing, in my head, they were right.  I just wanted things to stay this way forever.  I didn't want to break it...

"I love you so much, Luzy. You're my best friend, why do you think I pushed so hard to stay in your life when you pushed everybody else away?" Koi's words were bright, cheerful, not depressed, not saddened by the outburst and display. "You remember the day he left, the day he found that new girl, the day of the fire. You remember that he didn't care." "He made us believe that only he could care about us, that we were useless otherwise." "But we're not! Nora taught me that, she taught me that other people can care. That we're not trash." "That Daddy is replaceable…" And that was the crux of this, that was the most important thing… Kriss knew the words. Knew what to say. She'd stayed quiet for a moment until those, and she finally said it. "Daddy is dead." Those words were the antithesis to the mantra, the key to the lock he placed in the girls, in Luzy, in Cana… a key he only put in place out of moral conflict, conflict that he would lose connection with before he left, finally toppling over the edge of oblivion. "Daddy is dead, and I love you." "Daddy is dead, and I love you." Koi looked at the girls and joined the mantra. "Daddy is dead, and I love you." And finally, Nora. "Daddy is dead, and I love you."

I slipped to the floor of the room, sitting with my knees to my chest.  I just stared, shaking my head, just slightly.  But it hurt.  Everything hurt.  I couldn't think straight.  All the feelings, the notions, the memories, the… the regret… the pain… it came back.  And nothing could save me now…

The girls circled Luzy, each sitting down around here, Koi to her left, then Luzy, then Nora, then Kriss. She trembled as they sat, and each of them put hands on her skin, each touched her if only to reaffirm that she was alive. Only Nora spoke, though. Only Nora's words knew how to reach her. "You're at the top of the abyss, looking down, looking down at all your pain, all your memories, all your fear… and turning away won't make that hole go away… but you can learn to shrink it down, to make it smaller, to know that everything happened, but not to be hurt by it anymore."

I couldn't stop crying.  I couldn't find any words.  I didn't know why - maybe I thought the words would stop me.  I had never felt so horrible in my entire life.  I had never felt so… scared.  I just wanted it to end.  I wanted it all to go away. "…I think I'm going to throw up…" I stumbled up, past the girls, and ran down the hallway.  Sure enough, as I made it into the bathroom, I threw up into the toilet.
 

[ozziebee]

That chapter has to be one of the most intense I’ve ever read. This reading has to be my fourth time, I think. I remember the first time I read it, crying my eyes out. 

 

Lovely and intense writing!

[Sophie ♥]

8 hours ago, ozziebee said:

That chapter has to be one of the most intense I’ve ever read. This reading has to be my fourth time, I think. I remember the first time I read it, crying my eyes out. 

 

Lovely and intense writing!

Thank you so much!   This is the big turning point in Luzy's recovery and I think Pudding had some amazing ideas while writing it.  

[Sophie ♥]

64.)

"Hello, Miss." The soft, French-accented voice belonged to Marta, and she clicked the door closed as she entered, gently kneeling to hold Luzy’s hair up out of the way as she continued to heave into the pristinely cleaned toilet bowl. She knew what had been planned for today, what had happened, why the girl was sick. She wasn't a part of this, but she couldn't turn off her empathy.

"…I want it to stop…" Marta didn't say anything as I threw up again.  She'd closed the door.  It was just us, alone.  I couldn't think.  I couldn't focus.  Everything was a blur… "…make it stop… make it stop…" What good was I, now?  Here?  Alone?  Without him.  Without anything.  Sure, I had the girls.  But I was a broken toy.  What he did… I was broken in so many pieces…

"When you're falling, Miss, the most terrifying thing you can imagine is hitting the ground… but when you finally do land, you realize that it was the falling you were most afraid of all along." Her skirt crumpled beneath her knees as the maid stayed kneeling next to Luzy and continued to patiently keep her hair out of the way. "You can keep falling, or you can let Miss Nora catch you… as she caught Miss Rissa, and Miss Kate, and as she caught me…"

"…I need a drink…" "I'll get you water, Miss." "…juice, or something?  To help the taste…?" She patted my head and left.  I heard the bathroom door click.  I got up as quickly as the dizziness would let me and pulled myself to the cabinet.  It was a communal restroom.  No shower, no bath.  Just a sink and a toilet and a cabinet.  Which meant no razors.  I fumbled through the medicine, opening bottles of everything I could find, not stopping to check the labels, but as I poured them into my mouth, the door clicked open again.

Nora knew a few things about how to handle overdoses, she also knew that she kept her cabinets mostly free of anything life-threatening, because she had children, old as they may be. Regardless, it wasn't Nora who opened the door — it was Kriss. Kriss, whom Luzy now remembered. Kriss, who smacked the pills from Luzy’s hands, Kriss who pushed her fingers down Luzy’s throat, Kriss who didn't let go, even as Luzy started to throw up the pills, and what was left in her stomach, all over her. She acted with concern and care and purpose, the way she did as the building burned around them. She acted with love.

"Why are you doing this?!" I was sobbing on the floor, curled up into a ball. "I was happy!  I was… I was… fine… I was doing okay… why… why are you doing this…" I couldn't stop crying.  I couldn't stop rocking back and forth.  And Kriss… the same girl who let it happen.  I hated her.  But she was the same girl that saved me.  And I loved her.  I couldn't do this… I couldn't… "I was happy… and you took it away… put it back… put it back…"

"You pushed away all your friends, your life… you couldn't connect with people anymore… you couldn't date, you couldn't think about the future… you were carrying a weight that you tricked yourself into not seeing." Kriss didn't seem to mind that she'd been spit up on, she didn't protest, she simply smiled and stayed bright, the way that Kriss was. "You weren't living, you were existing, and you deserve to live, Luzy… you deserve to as much as I do, or as much as Rissa does, as much as Cana did, and she didn't even get to choose…"

Memories of Cana, in the hospital bed, they rushed back to me.  I winced, curling tighter into a ball, and sobbing even louder.  Loss.  Memories of loss.  On top of everything else, I had forgotten about her.  I was so broken.  I was… so hopelessly broken… Marta came back with juice, looking at me, and at the puke, and the pill bottles.  Her eyes went wide.

"She made a mistake, don't worry… she won't make it again. She values her life, she values the chance she's been given to bloom, and she doesn't want to wither." Marta gently knelt down and took Luzy's hand, wrapping her fingers around the juice with a tender smile. "I should inform The Lady of the House." "Maybe you could wait a few minutes first? Let her enjoy her juice. I'm sure she already feels guilt enough, there's no sense making her feel worse for her accidental mistake, is there?"

Everyone was doting over me.  Everyone was taking care of me.  What I wanted was for everyone to be trapped on one side of a glass wall and me trapped on the side with knives and pills.  And I just wanted to go.  I just wanted the feelings in my head to stop.  I just needed the memories to go away again, one way or another.  I just needed it to go away…

"Do you remember… what I did to you?" Rissa was sitting with Luzy, the two of them in her room — she wanted to be alone, but she wasn't allowed to be, nobody thought it was a good idea, so they took turns watching over her, while the others talked through how to reach her. Rissa was supposed to be finding out a way in, but she was feeling considerably selfish at the moment, and she bit her lip.

"…yes," I said flatly, looking at my feet.  I wouldn't let anyone near me.  I wouldn't talk most of the time.  I felt so disconnected.  I felt so divided.  I wished there was a glue that didn't leave marks.  I wished I could fit myself back together.  More than that, I wished I could go back in time and never see that doctor… "I didn't understand it, then… when it happened…" I was younger then.  It… felt like it, anyway…

"I did it because that's what he wanted me to do… but it was still me who did it…" Though her hole was solidified, safe, managed, there was bubbling ebbing from inside. "I hated you… because he loved you more, I didn't realize at the time that he'd just replace every one of us anyway… I wanted to be his favorite, and it drove me to do stupid things… horrible things…I guess I…" Rissa frowned, looking down in shame. "I'm so, so sorry… I'm so sorry I didn't save you, that I did what I did."

"…you should be.” It was a year ago.  It felt like ten.  It felt like yesterday.  It felt like everything at once.  But I knew I didn't feel like an adult, then.  I didn't even know what it was… only that she could hurt me and make me feel good in both the exact same way.  I didn't get that, either… "You're a horrible person…" I wasn't sure if I meant it.  Maybe… I was just trying to make her leave… maybe, I just needed another chance to be alone again…

"Yes I am… and I did things to my body after that place that meant I can't ever had kids… and if Nora hadn't have found me, I wouldn't have stopped there." It was candid. Truthful. Catharsis, for both of them, even if neither of them realized. "I learned, though… not to focus on the bad things in my past. To accept and acknowledge that they happened, to learn from them, and to be the kind of person I want my future to be. That's what I learned here…"

"I don't care…" I was her babysitter once.  It felt like so long ago.  Was it really just a week, since?  Had everything happened so quickly?  I couldn't work it out.  I tried so hard, but the words weren't sticking… "Go away…." "I can't do that." I hated this.  I hated being put on watch.  Why couldn't I just kill myself?  Or… or why couldn't I find that man, the horrible man, and have him make me forget it all… like it never happened…

"You can do anything you like to me… anything you feel like I deserve in exchange for what I did to you." It was a loaded offer, of course  There were things to consider that made it more complex than it seemed to be at first, viewed on the surface. The doctor compelled Rissa to do what she did, and anything that Luzy now did in retribution would be her own actions. Rissa was betting that Luzy would feel that.

"You can leave me alone…" "And what?  Live with the guilt of losing you again?" That shut me up.  I didn't want to hurt her.  I didn't want her to be miserable.  I didn't even want her to be upset!  I just… wanted not to be here.  I just wanted to disappear.  Was that really so bad…?

"…you know that Kriss had left the building, when it was on fire? Her and I both… and she went back to get you.. even though it was falling apart around her. She came back for you, she gave you the chance to live. Don't you even want to try? To make an honest chance at making that life worth something?" It wasn't a guilt thing, it was more like something that maybe Luzy hadn't considered. "I'm gonna sit with Luzy for a spell, Rissa. Miss Nora would like to see you." Speak of the devil.

Rissa left the room, leaving me alone with Kriss.  I remembered Kriss so vividly now, where I didn't remember her before.  I hated how fractured it was.  I hated that nothing was making sense, even though everything should of, now.  Nothing was getting better.  Nothing ever would, again…
 

[Sophie ♥]

65.)

Koi didn't visit.  Marta read a book while she watched me.  Kriss and Rissa tried to talk to me, to help me.  But ultimately, I turned them both away.  I was still angry at what they'd done - at the failure to protect me by Kriss, and the failure to keep from harming me by Rissa - but I knew I was using my anger as a means to an end.  Nora visited, but she never stayed.  Just checked up on us.  And I was getting worse.  Nora offered me dinner.  I didn't want any.  I'd only throw it up…

The thing about the awakening, and subsequent collapse, was that it wasn't a fire to be put out — it was a storm that would pass in its own time. Nora kept her contact minimal, her smiles brief, and her presence absent. Luzy’s sisters from that horrible house tried their best to help her, but they continued to treat the issue like a fire, and not a storm. Little by little, Luzy would fizzle, and her surrender as only inevitable.

I couldn't breathe.  I wasn't even trying anymore.  I'd given up an hour before.  I was ready to die.  I was waiting for it to take me away from this.  But it didn't.  Nothing worked.  I laid there, on my side, gasping for oxygen and crying dried up tears into the pillow.  I was so weak.  Marta had a book in her lap, and she didn't look up as I panted, as I wheezed, as I shook.  This was so much worse than death…

Josie. Josie would be her name, once her break-point came, once she asked for help. It would fit in well with the child she would become, it would be the word that she held onto as she took her first furtive glances into her hole. And it would become an identity worth fighting for, a prototype trial run of all her pieces put together. As the girl wretched and tried to make more come out, as she sobbed and heaved, Nora finally knelt down next to her. Smiling. Luzy had to ask for it.

"Put me back…" "It's not possible." "…it hurts…" "It will." I couldn't do this.  I was trying to cope.  But every moment my eyes closed, his face came up.  Memories.  His cock.  His cum.  My body.  Torn.  Ripped.  Sick.  And new tears, dry tears, because I couldn't cry right anymore.  He took that, too.  I wasn't able to push the thoughts away.  One went, and two came back.  I was so claustrophobic in my own head… "…make it stop… make it stop…"

"…are you asking for me help, sweetheart?" She'd ask for help. She'd ask Mommy for help — the first step, and she'd be reminded that all her thoughts and memories were hers, she would not allowed to forget them, to ignore her hole. At the same time, though, a new name would be given, a way to better manage and handle the pain. A new self, a baby girl, the beginning the end of her pain.

Fuck.  Fuck this.  Fuck everything… "Y-yes… yes… please help me… fuck, please help… just make it stop… anything, do anything, please… make it stop…" I couldn't handle it.  The thoughts of what I'd done, of what was done to me.  Memories.  And the pills and razors I coveted.  I wanted so badly to die.  But more than that, I wanted it to just stop.  If she could make it stop…

"Repeat after me: Save me, Mommy. I want you to say those words over and over until they make no sense as words anymore." She was sweaty, filthy, streaked and stained with tears and exhaustion. But she was going to do it, she was going to be saved, and soon she'd be clean, soon she'd be Josie, she'd be safe, she'd be on the long road to recovery.

"Th-that's stupid…." "Then you don't want to be saved badly enough." And the woman left. "She's such a cunt," I muttered, and Marta turned the page of her book like she hadn't heard me at all.  Hours ticked by.  By and by and by.  I was done.  I wasn't not-crying anymore.  I wasn't shaking.  I was trying to sleep, and I couldn't, because every closed eye brought back a slap to the cheek or a hand in my ass.  It brought back the pussy on my tongue.  It brought back the names, the horrible names.  And I couldn't even move anymore.  No part of me moved…

Luzy was on the bed, semi-catatonic, staring at the ceiling, when Nora came back next a few hours later. At first, she'd tried to scratch her arms, but the ever-dutiful maid would simply stop her with a quiet smile, before returning to her book. The room was quiet, Luzy's sobs long silenced, and now only Nora's questions in the air. "Are you ready to ask for help?"

"…can't move…." My arms were red, but they weren't scratched.  My head hurt from banging it on the wall, but again, I never got far.  I had tired myself out so dramatically, and now this was my punishment.  A world without sleep… and a word without freedom… "…where's Koi…" "Asleep." "…Nora…" I hated this…"M-Mommy… save me… please… I just… want some sleep…"

"You will not be able to escape your memories, my sweet girl, but you will learn to take the pain away from them. To accept them as part of you, but to accept them as toothless. Under my care, you are Josie, and I am Mommy, and you are safe." Nora pulled the covers back, and gently slipped into the bed with the girl, forcing Josie's head to her new Momma's chest, as the covers were pulled back up over the two of them.

It was so hard not to sleep with my head against another person.  I remembered times when I was in that room with those girls, when I'd fall asleep beside Cana or with my head on Rissa's chest, or with my lips on her nipples.  They weren't good memories, but at the very least, they weren't bad ones.  The woman put her arm around me and pulled me in closer.  Within seconds, for the first moment in what would be a long series of moments, I didn't have trouble falling asleep.
 

[Sophie ♥]

66.)

I woke up in the blue walled room.  I remembered it now.  The room I played in when I was acting small, when everything else was bigger.  I sat up on the bed and looked down at myself.  I still wore the same stupid dress from the night before, wrinkled with the way I had laid down.  The padded MLP underwear were still underneath - I could feel them with each step as I made my way to the door.  I opened it and nearly bumped right into Marta.  My lips curled down in a frown. "You don't have to babysit me."

"One doesn't have to see the sunset every day, either — it does not mean that one wouldn't enjoy it, Little Miss." Marta smiled politely and allowed Josie to step past her; the program started with autonomy, then reduced autonomy, then complete and utter dependence, and then goals would be set from there. For now, she'd be allowed to walk around the house, though Marta would follow.

"I can pee on my own," I said and slammed the door in Marta's face.  I stepped up to the mirror and sighed, looking at myself.  I looked older than I remembered.  Maybe I was remembering when I was little.  Were there mirrors, then?  Were there mirrors in that apartment?  I touched my cheeks and rubbed my eyes.  Fuck this… I opened up the cabinet again, looking to see what medicines they left.  Bandaids.  That was all they had, now.  I sighed and shook my head.  I needed to just… relax… I needed to calm down…

There were precautions taken when new arrivals started here, steps enacted to ensure their safety — and Luzy was one of the reasons why. "Little Miss, would you like to watch some television?" The Netflix on the children’s television set was carefully pruned and curated to only have the things deemed appropriate for a patients’ regression, but giving them the choice of what to watch, even from that curated list, was helpful for the transition.

I didn't know what I was going to do.  The memories of everything that happened repeated themselves in my head.  They played on repeat.  I couldn't make them go away, now, could I?  Of course not.  They were stuck here as long as I was here.  But I couldn't die, either.  Could I?  I came out of the bathroom after pulling the training pants back up, looking at Marta absently as she offered television. "I want to see Nora."

"Of course, Little Miss," Marta wasn't to use the girl’s new name just yet, but she was also not to use her old one. Little Miss worked fine. "At the moment, The Lady of the House is busy tending to work.” Actually, she was asleep. “Until she's available, I'd be more than happy to let you watch whatever you like from the television. There may also be some cookies, freshly baked, waiting for you…"

"I'm more important than whatever she's doing," I said flatly, and walked past Marta toward the living room.  Anni already sat on the floor, playing with blocks, and the television was tuned to Dora the Explorer.  I sat on the couch, watching the young girl.

"Undoubtably, Little Miss. Once she's no longer indisposed, you'll be able to see her." "Wanna come pway wif me?" That was Anni, playing with her blocks — she missed her sister dreadfully, but knew that soon she'd have another. It was tricky to remember not to call her Luzy, though! And Mommy hadn't told her what Luzy's new name would be yet...

"No thank you…" Ultimately, I knew to be nice to Anni.  I was angry and lost and scared and broken.  I wasn't even human anymore.  But I knew not to say mean things to Anni, because Anni's a kid.  Maybe that's college training kicking in.  Maybe I'm a better person than I think.  Either way, I wasn't going to be mean to Anni.

"Kaa~aay." Anni resumed her playing, and on the television the animated girl babbled about learning rudimentary Spanish. That left Luzy on the sofa, and Marta handed her the special remote in molded pink plastic with only a handful of buttons. "You're free to watch whatever you like, Little Miss, maybe you might find something to help you pass the time?"

I turned the station.  Again.  Again.  Again.  I mean, I knew it was Monday morning, but seriously?  All kid's shows?  I put the remote down, climbing up from the couch, and walking out into the kitchen.  Marta was putting cookies on a plate. "I need to see Nora now," I said more directly. "I have school."

It was four in the afternoon, and any classes were probably already missed — Nora had already lodged the requisite paperwork, though, but it wasn't Marta's role to discuss that with Josie. So instead, she gave her cookies with a polite smile. "The Lady of the House will talk to you about that once she's available, Little Miss. You should try to relax for now, and just enjoy yourself. What would you like to do? Would you like to draw? Or perhaps build legos? That was Miss Ister's favorite past time."

I threw the plate of cookies at the tile floor.  The ceramic plate split off into a lot of pieces, cascading against the tiles.  The cookies rolled around until they settled, ruined, on the ground.  The crash rang longer than it took the plate to break, and I looked up at Marta, taking deep breaths. "Get.  Nora.  Or.  I'm.  Leaving."

Marta didn't think too much of the aggression, and she simply smiled at Josie and turned back to the refrigerator, took two bottles out: a baby bottle, and a spray bottle. Both were filled with the same creamy white liquid. The milk. Instead of trying to coerce the girl to drink, she simply raised the spray bottle and misted Luzy's lips with the milk. Which seemed to catch Josie by surprise, and she gasped, her mouth opened, and Marta sprayed again.

"What the fuck is your problem?!" I reached for the spray bottle, snatching at the maid, but she stepped backward out of my reach.  I put my hands on the counter and shook my head, wiping my face with the side of my arm.  My lips tingled… "I SAID GET NORA!" I was yelling now, really yelling, but my chest felt tighter, like I couldn't get the right amount of air.  I shook my head slowly.

The maid sprayed Josie’s face again, and continued to do so each time she yelled and protested, little droplets of milk working away at her resolve like erosion against the cliffs. "Little Miss, The Lady of the House is currently unavailable. Wouldn't you prefer to lay on the sofa and watch some television, while you drink your baba? It's full, see? Full and creamy."

I closed my eyes and my mouth, shaking my head.  Everything felt heavy.  I licked my lips without thinking, and whimpered a little.  I finally looked up at the woman with frustration plastered across my face. "…y-you're an idiot… I'm not a fucking child…" But my volume was lower.  I couldn't keep my eyes off the bottle…

"…you didn't curse did you, Little Miss? Because if you cursed, I'll have to put the bottle away and get some soap instead, and soap your mouth out, Little Miss." By now, having licked her lips, Luzy was on rails and she'd do anything for the milk, but that didn't mean Marta couldn't have some fun. "It's such a shame, too, you've been asleep for some time, Miss, and I might have let you have two bottles."

"N-not… th-thirsty…" I turned away from Marta, away from the bottle, and walked back to the living room.  My fingers shook.  My hands shook, actually.  I sat down on the couch and looked up at the door to the kitchen.  Marta didn't follow me.  I didn't feel good.  I didn't need a bottle.  I was a grown up.  But… but… I wiggled uncomfortably on the sofa.  I couldn't think clearly…
 

[ozziebee]

So.. so... so tempting... licks lips. What harm could come of it if I scratched that itch, and had one bottle?  

 

Hmm...

[Sophie ♥]

58 minutes ago, ozziebee said:

So.. so... so tempting... licks lips. What harm could come of it if I scratched that itch, and had one bottle?  

It's only a matter of time!   Inevitability always catches up to you.

[Sophie ♥]

67.)

"Hi!" Anni crawled up onto the sofa next to her new sister, the girl who functionally had no name for now, and handed her a crayon and a coloring book with a smile. "I'm gonna watch Dora." Basically, in Anni speak, I'm going to watch television now, so you be quiet and color. Yes. Anni saw her as a younger sister.

"…okay…" I passed her the little pink remote and played nervously with my fingers.  I kept looking up at the kitchen.  I kept shaking.  Why wasn't she following me?  Why wasn't she punishing me?  Why wasn't she making me drink the bottle?  Fuck, fuck, fuck… I got to my feet before I could think clearly about it and stormed back into the kitchen.  I'd just keep yelling at her…

"Oh, hello, Little Miss." Marta was on the floor, cleaning up the broken plate and the broken cookies with the duty appropriate for a maid. "Is there something I can get for you? I'm afraid there was an accident with the cookies, earlier, but I could cook you something else if you're hungry."

"I… I wanna speak with Nora…" It wasn't getting any worse.  The neediness distracted me from the memories.  From the thoughts.  It wasn't that bad, actually.  But I just… was so thirsty.  My body ached… I just wanted some milk… but it would fade.  These things faded… right? "Y-you should g-get her… or… or I'll break something else…"

"Oh, I don't think you'll do that. Would you like your milk, now? I put it back away in the refrigerator, but I can fetch it for you if you like, you only need to ask." Asking was important, in this stage.  Though she'd force punishment upon Josie without issue, making her ask for childish things would help the most.

"I don't want the stupid milk," I muttered, leaning against the wall.  I just wanted the stupid milk!  Why didn't she just make me have the milk! "Nora… I wanna see her…" "When she's available." This bitch was driving me crazy! "F-fucking get her!  I mean it!"  

Marta sighed and brushed her hands on her pinafore, shaking her head. "If you'd like your milk, you'll have to ask for it. But now I'm going to need to soap your mouth, Little Miss, because you used bad words again, words that no little girl your age ought to be using." She wouldn't have to go far, either, there was a hand-soap dispenser by the kitchen sink.

"…I don't want the damn milk!" …why was she making this so hard?  I shook my head and, again, left the kitchen.  I didn't go into the living room, though.  I went down the hall - the other hall - toward the office and Nora's bedroom.  I slammed open the office door first, but Nora wasn't in there.  I thought she was working?  I went to the bedroom next.

Marta took Josie’s shoulder from behind and spun her around in place in the hall, and with her other hand, pushed the teat of the bottle between her lips, the milk flowing the moment she up-ended the bottom. Not that The Lady of the House would be disturbed; she was in her room, yes, but the door was locked and she was a remarkably deep sleeper. But Josie needed to know where her limits were.

I didn't mind.  It was what I wanted.  I was acting out so she'd do exactly this.  So I could have the bottle and keep my pride.  But the bottle tasted so good, and Marta didn't let me off the wall.  My eyes shined glossy and half-closed, sucking the nipple.  I reached up to take the bottle myself, but Marta slapped my hand away.  My knees were starting to feel weak….

"You didn't have to act out, Little Miss, you can have your milk whenever you like it, you only need ask." She was hungrily sucking it down, too, but she hadn't eaten in some time so that was to be expected. When she'd finish this bottle, Marta would move her to the living room, and then give her another to nurse with while she watched television.

I whimpered, wiggling against the wall.  I tried to get out between Marta and the bottle, but she kept me in place.  So I stayed there, my hands at my sides, sucking.  And sucking.  Until the dizziness grew.  Until I could barely stand, and then I literally couldn't.  My knees gave out, but Marta caught me in her arms.  I leaned on her quietly, a blush on my cheeks.  The bottle was almost gone… "L-lemme go…"

"Shh, Little Miss, finish your baba, and Miss Marta will take you to watch some pretty cartoons and give you another baba, won't that be nice? It will be nice, so very nice." Of course, once in the living room, the girl would be changed into a proper diaper, with the training panties pulled on over the top, but by then she very likely wouldn't even notice.

Marta held me up against the wall until the bottle was gone.  I was full.  I didn't want anymore.  I forgot about this part, about the difficulty thinking, about not being able to walk.  I could crawl if I focused, but Marta refused to let me onto the ground.  She was making damn well sure I didn't think this bottle was a reward.  

Marta was not a large woman, but she was strong enough to pick up Josie in her arms, propping her against her hip, and carrying her down the hall back toward the living room. One hand reached into her pinafore and produced a pacifier, a pacifier she pushed between Josie’s lips as she carried her. Foggy as she may be, she was so much calmer now, so much more serene.

I sucked on the pacifier until Marta put me on the floor in the living room.  I sat upright just fine, rubbing my eyes clumsily with my hands.  Anni still sat on the sofa, watching TV.  Marta disappeared into the other room and I pulled myself to my hands and knees.  Shakily, I crawled over to the couch, but I'd only just made it when Marta pulled the pacifier from my lips. "I want to talk t-" A fresh bottle was pushed into my mouth and instinctively and immediately I sucked on it.  I wasn't even thirsty!  But I couldn't help it…

This time, Marta allowed Josie to hold her own bottle, though she knew very well that she would not be removing it from her lips, which made it easy to do what she needed to do.  As with most rooms in this area of the house, there was a tall, thin closet set into the wall, and from that, Marta fetched a diaper and powder. She returned to the girl on the floor and motioned to the television. "Watch Dora, Little Miss."

"…not… w-wearing…" I sucked at the bottle nervously, trying to roll over, to swat at the woman while she lifted my dress. "…not a… baby… not wearing…" I blinked the cloudiness away, but it came rushing back.  I couldn't help myself.  Stupid bottle!  Stupid milk!

"Watch the television, Little Miss." Josie was pliable in body as she was in mind, and Marta had little trouble with pulling down the training panties to her ankles, fitting the diaper into place with ample powder, taping it up, and then tugging the already-padded underwear back up to act as a diaper cover. "Just a little extra padding for comfort, Little Miss. Doesn't that make sense?"

"…stupid…" I muttered, but my eyes were watching Dora and my lips were busy drinking.  When Marta left me alone, I didn't motion to lower my dress.  I didn't try to cover up the diaper or take it off.  I'd forgotten about it.  And when the bottle was gone, I was so exhausted and flat that I couldn't even imagine moving.  I just stayed there, watching TV.

In this state, Luzy was an infant to Anni's toddler, and after Marta went to the kitchen to start preparing dinner, it was only the two girls left alone. And Anni took it upon herself to take care of her new baby sister, sitting with her and babbling to her about Dora, and about how it worked, and yelling at the television when prompted to by the animated little girl.
 

[Jayme]

I'm still enjoying this wonderful story. Luzy is just starting to realize the damage done, now will she truly get the help she needs...

[Sophie ♥]

68.)

…I'd had worse afternoons.  I mean, I didn't like being treated like a goddamn baby, but… but the thoughts were gone.  Temporarily.  The memories didn't bother me.  I was too lost.  I watched Dora and let Anni play with my hair for hours.  When Nora finally made an appearance, I had just gotten the strength to move again, but walking was still out of the question.  I sat up and looked at her as she came into the room.  I pouted.

"Hello, Princess." Nora was looking very well-rested, which was a well-deserved feeling for the woman who'd been up all the previous evening, and much of the morning. "Marta tells me that you've been a very good girl today, and it looks like you had fun with Anni — did she do your hair?" The pigtails were uneven and sloppy, but still pretty amazingly cute.

"…I wanna go home," I muttered, trying to pull myself to my feet.  Ultimately, though, I only got as high as my knees before giving up.  I didn't like her towering over me like this… it made my words sound less powerful.  And what was worse: I'd let myself get this way.  Stupid milk… stupid, stupid milk...

The woman smiled down at Josie and then motioned to the walls of the living room. "This is your home for a while now, princess. Until you're better. You asked for my help, and I'm going to make sure that you get all the attention you deserve." Marta had taken Anni out of the living room discretely during the conversation, and that just left the two of them together for now.

I rubbed my eyes and shook my head.  I tugged myself up to my knees again, and with great effort pulled myself onto the couch.  I was so exhausted from all of it, though.  I couldn't believe I'd let myself get like this. "I'm not staying here.  You can't keep me here." Jeeze, everything was so hazy…

"My sweet, you asked to stay here, you asked for my help. And I'm going to do just that, and once you're properly treated, you'll be allowed to go, just as Rissa did this morning." Luzy knew just how things worked here, though, but not how it began, not what the early stages were like. Not the progression from autonomy to eventual dependence. She just saw the end results.

"I'm not like Rissa!  I am not a child!" Rissa left…?  I didn't even notice… but I supposed she wasn't out here.  She should have been out here… "Rissa's still…" I had to take a breath.  Breathing was as hard as staying focused when you had so much to say… "Rissa's still got problems.  She should be here.  Not me.  I have school.  I have work." Okay, I didn't have work.  But I needed work! "I have an apartment, and furniture… I'm not staying here!"

"Everything is taken care of, princess. Rissa is going to stay with Koi for a spell, and then she'll take care of your apartment. Don't you worry too much about school, that's what Mom's are for." The word Mommy was still tenuous to the woman, she knew that it would be okay, logically, but she didn't want to rush the girl into things. She'd come to call her Mommy in the natural course of things.

"…Rissa's staying with… with Koi?" Rissa.  The girl who literally put her entire hand in my ass.  The girl who had me lick her pussy ten times a day.  The girl who basically took every ounce of my sexuality.  Was living with the girl who kissed me?  MY BEST FRIEND?! "I AM LEAVING!" The yelling didn't do me justice.  It brought stars to my vision…

"You must remember that Rissa is not the girl that she used to be. She's Ister, for the most part, now as an adult. You mustn't worry so much about others at the moment, princess. The sooner you can focus on your own recovery, the sooner you'll be cleared to leave." There was paperwork for Josie, things that had been lodged, treatment manifests, school forms, and legal custodianship. She quite literally could stop the girl from leaving, but that was a fact that didn't need to be shared right now.

"…how long?  A week?" The woman shrugged her shoulders.  I looked harshly at her, or as harshly as I could with looking like I was going to cry. "I have class.  I'm close to graduating.  If you want me to start being happier and dealing with things, I need to move on, right?  So I need to graduate." I'd put so much work into this program, to keep me on track despite my setbacks…

"You're here under emergency medical suspension. You won't forfeit any of your classes, and you will be able to complete your current classes upon leaving the program, be that in a week or a month or more. The paperwork has been lodged, and the approval given. Your apartment is being taken care of, your school is handled, and you lost your job at Subway, so unless there's something else you'd like to worry about, I think we're safe to move on to your treatment program, don't you?" This would be the first of her twice-per-week talks.  At first they'd be very direct and adult, but over time they'd become much more abstract.

"I AM NOT STAYING HERE FOR A MONTH!" I went to stand, to yell more, to hit her, maybe!  To fight for my right as an adult.  But my legs gave out and I fell onto my hands and knees.  I exhaled harshly, closing my eyes tight.  Everything was spinning… everything was falling apart… "…I'm not… s-staying here…."

"You're going to stay here as long as it takes for you to get well, princess. And our first step in that goal is to give you your new name." The woman reached into her pocket and took out a plastic-beaded bracelet with letter-block charms that read Josie. She fastened the bracelet around Josie’s wrist and smiled, allowing Luzy the opportunity to look at it, read it, understand what it meant.

I ripped at the little beaded plastic, to snap it, to shoot stupid block letters across the room like I did the cookies.  But it didn't move.  The bracelet was familiar.  Very familiar.  Ister had one on her wrist, too, when I'd gotten here, and Anni had one on her ankle.  I never paid them any attention before… but the bracelet didn't come off.  It didn't snap.  It didn't even budge.  It just left marks on my wrist where the beads pushed into the skin.  Josie…?  I… I wasn't…

"Josie. You will be Josie until you're ready to leave, at which point you get to choose who you become. Josie is a four year old girl, a sweetheart who enjoys playing with her sister, and very much enjoys her milk. Josie is aware of what has happened in the past, and doesn't hide from it, or ignore it. She understands, however, that her Mom knows best, and her Mom will tell her when it's okay to think about those things. Josie is pretty." Josie is pretty. At first, those words would be followed by something to cause positive feelings, an external tool — a shot, in this case, one to bring a sense of warmth and contentment — but in time, the association would be made, and those three words would trigger happiness all on their own.

I pulled at the bracelet again, but for whatever reason, it didn't come off.  I looked for a clip or a latch, but I didn't find anything.  How had she put it on?  I should have been paying more attention… "I'm… my name is Luzy…" I muttered, biting my lip.  I pulled myself off my hands and knees, on just my knees, and looking up at the woman.  She was so much taller than me… "I'm not… not staying here…"

The shot, under her bracelet, the warmth, it was had a similar impact as the milk as most pure contentment would, in that it made the world seem quite a bit more lovely than it was. "Josie, you'll be praised for accepting your real name, because your old name is hurt, it needs time to recover and heal. You don't want to be in the way of that healing, do you?"

"…cut it out…" I rubbed my eyes a little, but things felt weird.  I felt weird… I felt… calmer… "…you can't…" I fell back on my bottom, rubbing my eyes a little more.  Everything was hazy, but it was bright.  I knew I was blushing, but I didn't know why.  I looked at my feet, playing with my fingers…

"Why don't you try saying it? I know it seems a little bit new right now, like a new pair of socks, but maybe you hearing your voice say it will help. Go on, now,  tell me your name, Josie." Of all the things at work in the program, it was often the imprinting of a new name that people resisted most — even more so than doing all their bathroom, helplessly, in diapers!

"…it's not… that's not my name…" I pouted, rubbing my eyes.  I looked up at the woman and blushed.  She smiled down at me, on my level now, kneeling, perhaps.  She put her hand on my cheek and I fell into it, curling up against her fingers.  I didn't feel right...

"Isn't it possible you only feel that way because you haven't heard yourself say it in your voice, princess? Isn't it possible that… it is your name, and you're just not used to it, yet?" Josie was putty, barely able to move, nuzzling into the woman’s affectionate touch. She was prime for this sort of therapy, even chemical influence aside, she was such a naturally affection-starved girl.

“It's not…" But my tone was a little lost.  I couldn't even remember what I was arguing anymore.  I'd never been in such a state, such blatant… disarray.  I bit my lip and rubbed my eyes again. "Just say it one time.” One time.  I could do that.  I mean… why not?  It didn't change anything… "…Josie…"

"Josie is Pretty." The delivery mechanism for the chemical was ingenious — two nubs on the inner side of the bracelet that wouldn't break the skin, pressed lightly and the cocktail would be pushed through the girls skin, an instant rush of warmth and happiness. No pain, no needles, no obvious external influence. "It's such a pretty name, and even prettier in your voice, such a good match, doesn't it make sense to be yours?"

"…I…" I couldn't even see things right anymore.  Everything was a blur of colors and noise and prettiness and I couldn't remember any of those memories that haunted me.  I nodded my head, slightly, and closed my eyes to regain some thought. "… I guess it's.. it's fine…" What was fine?  What was I even saying…?

"Tell me your name, Josie. Names are such funny things, you need to hear yourself say that it's your name, and soon it starts to be truth." Over the coming days, the woman would teach the girl the differences between Josie and Luzy, about how they shared memories, but Josie was going to protect Luzy and learn how to handle them for her, and keep her safe. For now, it started with the name.

"…name is… Josie…" The woman played with my hair and helped me up on the couch.  Honestly, I couldn't tell up from down.  Nora pulled my head into her lap.  She played with my hair for a long while while she reiterated, over and over: "your name is Josie".  Sometimes I'd repeat her.  Sometimes I'd enjoy the colors.  All in all, it wasn't a bad afternoon.
 

[Sophie ♥]

69.)

Despite the fact that Josie had slept until long into the afternoon and had only been up for a few hours, like most girls her apparent age she had been put down for a nap before dinner. Dozily, she stared at the crib, the one on the left that had been Ister's, and Anni tugged on her hand. "This one is your bed, Josie, an' this one is my bed but if you wanna cuddles wif' me tha's okay 'cause Mommy says it's okay for little girls to cuddle sometimes." Marta was standing just behind the two girls, one of them bubbly and animated, the other blank and dazed.

I rubbed my eyes and sat up in the crib.  Anni's fingers were weaved through the bars, playing with mine.  I was feeling better.  But better was relative.  Not only was I feeling more myself, but that particular notion wasn't always a good thing.  It made me nervous as certain memories raced to take hold of me… "…let me out of this silly thing…" This was the second time I had been put in the crib.

"Momma or Miss Marta will come and get us when is time to get out, uhhuh." Life was, at least to Anni, very routine. But children needed routine, needed consistency and structure, and no more than she did — and for Anni, it seemed to be working very well. It also meant she was a very wise choice to get on the good side of, because she knew how things worked. "We do playings and then we do naps and then we do dindins, uhhuh. Are you wet, Josie?"

…she was kidding, right?  But of course she wasn't.  She was a child.  Children aren't the type to kid.  They don't understand it yet. "No.  I'm not." I reached for the little lever I'd been shown earlier by Anni, but the plunger wouldn't push.  I tried for a minute or two, but to no avail.  Marta waited in the doorway, watching with a smile. "Let me out," I told her, but she barely acknowledged me.  Fine.  So I got up on my feet - cool, I could stand again! - and climbed over the top.

"You're going to hurt yourself, silly Josie." Josie sounded particularly pretty as a name when said in Marta's accent, and she watched as the girl scaled the side of the crib — it seemed much higher looking down outside of it, once you'd reached the top. Josie may have thought she was the first one to ever have the notion to climb out of the crib, clearly, but compared to some of the girls that had been through here, she was an angel.

My feet touched the floor and I pouted.  All in all, the crib wasn't very good for holding adults.  Then again, the last time I was in it, I'd failed to get out because of the milk.  Maybe that was the point. "Don't call me that," I said flatly, moving past the maid and into the hallway.  My legs were still shaky, but at least I could walk now.  I'd be leaving.  I wouldn't stick around here any longer.

The maid watched Josie, curious, smiling, as she walked away from the crib, and closer to the door. The door that Marta still in front of, and one with one she took the girl by the wrist, pressed the two spots on the bracelet, and spoke simply. "Josie is Pretty." Pause. Always pause. Single out the words. Then continue. "It's time for dindins soon, Miss Josie. You don't want to go anywhere."

She let my wrist go and I stumbled backwards.  My cheeks got hot and I looked at Marta like she were a burst of color.  It only lasted a second, but it certainly took the wind out of my sails.  I opened my mouth to say something, to try to come up with something to say, but I felt too… embarrassed.  It was hard to remember why I was trying to leave the room...

"Now girls, I'm going to change your diapers, and get you both dressed for tea — The Lady of the House will be joining us, and it's not often that all of you get to eat together." She didn't have to stay next to Josie, in-fact, she moved past her to lower the side of the crib and let Anni out, not in any fear or concern that the girl might slip away.

I looked at Marta nervously, biting my lip.  She helped Anni to the changing table, where she started to undress the poor girl.  I blinked, a bit of realization coming over me, and noticing I didn't have to use the bathroom.  But I'd had two bottles of milk, hadn't I?  Shouldn't I have to go?  Or did I… no… of course not.  But it had happened before.  The milk did that to people… why do I always forget this stuff?

Josie came closer to the changing table, quietly, watching as Marta unwrapped the wet diaper from the eighteen year old girl and then started to wipe her glistening skin clean. All the while, Anni continued to babble about a dream she'd had, like having a woman change her diaper was the most natural thing in the world. And honestly, to her, it certainly was. "I'll change you in a moment, Miss Josie, try not to move around too much — you don't want to get a rash."

I felt a deeper blush on my cheeks and I shook my head. "I don't…" I bit my lip a little harder and nervously shifted from foot to foot. "I'm… I gotta use the bathroom… I'll be right back…" I needed to make sure I hadn't had an accident.  I needed to prove to Nora that I could leave!

"Miss Josie, please don't wander off." The sound of diaper tapes being pulled and fastened punctuated the words, and Anni climbed down off the table with a smile. "Climb up here now, Miss Josie, it's time for me to change you — if you're dry, then I'll just tape your diaper back up, as there's no need to be wasteful. Come now, best not to make a fuss, we still need to get you both dressed for tea."

"I need to use the bathroom," I said again, a little more assertively.  The blur of colors only lasted a moment, but a lot had changed since.  I was still getting my bearings… it was just so surreal, the sudden rush of quiet in my head… "I'll be right back, I promise." And without the girl blocking the door, that's where I went.

When Marta got to the bathroom, the padded panties and diaper had been pulled down all the way to Josie’s ankles, the inside of the latter stained deeply yellow, and Josie was looking down at it forlornly, like she didn't know what to do. The seat on the toilet was still down. "Miss Josie, it's impolite to run off like that — you can clearly see now that your diaper needed changing, can't you?"

"It was just that dumb milk," I said at the woman, frustrated.  All in all, though, I felt very embarrassed about it.  This wasn't supposed to happen like this… "Get out - I'm changing." To my surprise, she actually got out.  Huh.  I thought she'd make another smartass comment.  I rolled up the diaper and pulled the panties back up over my body.  It was all I could do for now… I needed to talk to Nora...

Once Josie came out of the bathroom, Marta took her by the hand and began to lead her back up the hall to the bedroom, despite the girl’s protesting and struggles. "We need to get you dressed for tea, Miss Josie, it won't do any good at all to show up in your pajamas now, will it? A young lady must look her best when she's at the dinner table."

I would have complained more, but I was still wearing the strange dress and Koi's corset.  It had been over a day.  When we got back to the room, Marta helped get the dress off me.  I covered my chest nervously, looking at the woman with a frown. "I can dress myself." "Uh huh." And she went to unlace the corset. "Hey, hey!  I wanna wear this!"

"Little girls do not wear corsets, Josie." But, to her delight, there was some autonomy at this point in the program and it could be used to leverage the girl. "However, if you're a good girl and allow me to dress you properly, including your diaper, then I might be able to bend the rules and allow you to keep wearing the corset to dinner. How does that sound?"

"I don't need diapers." "Your last one says otherwise." Ugh. "Listen, just because I had that stupid milk and it has side effects doesn't mean anything!  And anyway - I can pick out my own clothes, thank you.  Go, like, babysit Anni or something." I walked past Marta and into the closet, looking at the dresses.  They were just so childish…

"Miss Josie, please do not mistake my leniency for an inability to discipline you." It was as much of a threat as a domestic servant could make, but it was delivered very seriously, and the girl stopped looking through the dresses for a moment. "I would like to work with you, Miss Josie, to allow you to keep your corset. But if you're troublesome, then it may have to be put away until you graduate the program."

I winced, biting my lip.  I kept leafing through the dresses, but I wasn't looking at them anymore.  I was thinking… "I'm not in any program," I finally decided. "There's a misunderstanding… and I'll talk to Nora about it, not her help.” It was a catty thing to say, but I wasn't in the mood to deal with Marta.  She wasn't in charge.

It seemed like a pretty solid argument, honestly. And maybe if Marta were any other maid, and maybe if it were any other child being petulant, it would have caused an effect in the girl’s favor. Unfortunately, all it did was result in Josie pulled by the arm over the maid’s knee as she sat, and her bottom exposed, and a dozen spanks delivered harshly to her skin.

"STOP IT!" I hadn't started to cry, but my eyes were wet and ready.  I kicked my feet, but the woman was very good - it seemed - at dealing with stubborn children. "I am gonna tell Nora!  You're gonna get fired!" I knew Marta's employment was under strange circumstances, but I didn't know the extent of it.  Maybe this would work...

"Miss Josie, you are under the care of The Lady of the House, and in her absence, you are under my care, and I am quite within my responsibility to apply reasonable discipline." And truly, spanking was the most mild form of reasonable discipline that she was allowed to enforce. Spanking that even after fifteen swats, had left Josie’s bottom remarkably, angrily, brightly red.

Tears dripped down my cheeks by the time Marta let me up, pulling the seat of my underwear back over my butt.  I couldn't help but cry, but I didn't snivel or blubber.  I was trying to keep my dignity… "I..I'm not anyone's… under anyone's care…" I rubbed the water away from my eyes, rubbing the seat of my underwear.

"You very much are, Miss Josie, and you would do well to remember that you're not always going to be qualified to make your own decisions. You are a child, and you will follow directions given. If you do not, you will be disciplined." The girl was trembling some, and Marta spoke sternly. "I will extend my offer one more time and one more time only. Would you like to keep your corset?"

…this wasn't fair.  I wasn't a child.  And sure, I… I liked the idea of it.  I liked being treated like a kid sometimes!  But not… not a baby.  Not diapers!  Not… accidents.  I was more grown up than that… "…I have training panties… can't that be enough…?  And I'll… I'll wear whatever dress you pick out…" Compromise.  It was all I had to offer…

"On the singular condition that if your training panties are not dry by the time you come to bed tonight, you will agree, without argument, to wear diapers underneath until such time as you no longer need them." She would be wet, of course, because Nora worked fervently to ensure her girls’ bladder control eroded very early on — it was an important tool to their descent, and rebirth.

"No milk." "No milk," she agreed. "No tubes in my vagina either, weirdo!" "No catheters." …what was the harm?  I wouldn't have any accidents.  The only reason I'd had one last night was because of the milk.  And I'd wet the bed at home, I guess, but that was in the night.  I just had to make it until bedtime. "Deal."

"Very well. Sit on the easy-chair by the corner, I'll select your ensemble." Admittedly, many of the clothes here did not work very well with the idea of a corset, but there were a few very very childish dresses that would fit the bill nicely, victorian style, the furthest thing from being able to write them off as lolita fashion — they were very obviously for the youngest of babies.

"…not that one…" "You said whatever I chose." "…Marta, that's not even…" "The laces will emphasize the corset.  Your bust." "…the laces are going to make me look like a baby…" The whole thing was… was horribly childish.  And not childish in a modern way.  Childish in a no-possible-way-it-could-ever-be-adult way.  No fashionable motive.  No alternate concept.  Just… baby girl. "Marta, please..."

"Miss Josie, are you meaning to tell me that you're reneging on our agreement so soon? I would hate to think so lowly of you." Such deals were common in the first few days, it was an illusion of control that some girls needed — Josie included, it seemed. It did not take terribly long for those deals to stop being offered. "Stand up, Miss Josie."

"This is so stupid…" The dress was pulled over my head and the little bow tied behind my back.  It was not shaping at all, the way she made it out to be.  It ruffled under my chin and flounced about in a way fabric really shouldn't.  The blessing was the length - it went nearly down to my knees.  Of course, I looked like a giant pile of fabric.  My cheeks went pink and I looked quietly at my feet.  I couldn't believe this… "Head up." "…what?  Oh.  No!  Nuh uh!  No way!" She held a matching bonnet in her hands. "I'll just wear the diaper!  This is so much worse!"

"Yes, that was a choice you were given, wasn't it? You must be so pleased, Miss Josie, that you chose the outcome that you did." The ensemble was simply divine in the most infantile way, and included such victorian impracticalities as the bonnet, and the white gloves. "Oh now, look at that, you see? Josie is Pretty." Her hand squeezed the bracelet lightly, the way that it would be done for the next few days, and she made sure the girl was in front of the mirror when the chemicals hit her system.

My cheeks went pink as I looked at myself, at the vibrancy of myself, at the cuteness of myself.  And the little part of me that liked this tinged with excitement.  I knew it was impractical, with how I looked.  I knew it wasn't even how I wanted to look!  But… but something about it… stuck… "It's silly," I muttered, but my cheeks told a different story.

"Sit in the easy chair, Miss Josie, I've to get your sister ready, now." Anni had been watching the entire time, from the corner where she was playing with her dolls — actually, she'd been having a conversation, quietly, with one of them, her imagination as perfect as any child's, quietly narrating the events unfolding between Josie and Marta.

I sat quietly and played with my thumbs, biting my lip while I waited for Anni to be dressed.  She looked so much older than me, even though she was a couple inches shorter.  I hated it.  I hated that I was being treated like a baby.  I liked being coddled, sure, but this was just too much… I had to talk to Nora.  I had to.
 

[Sophie ♥]

70.)

The two of them were dressed in coordinating colors, though Anni looked by casual observance to be the older of the two of them — a title she took very seriously indeed, and once she was dressed she actually took her sister by the hand and helped her off the chair. "Come on, Josie, we gotta go for dinner with Mommy now." She even spoke like she was talking to a younger sibling!

I pouted at Marta while Anni pulled me out of the room.  The dress was flouncy and frilly, but it wasn't impractical.  It didn't bump into walls or anything.  I just looked particularly babyish.  Anni and I went out to the dinner table, taking our respective seats.  Nora was already in the kitchen, getting plates served up.  I couldn't tell what we were having yet.

"Mommy is going to be looking for reasons to reward you, Josie, tha's how it works, an' if you are a good girl then you'll get lots of nice things, uhhuh, but if you're a bad girl…" It was, maybe, the first time that Josie had seen Anni blush; her cheeks pink especially against the ivory of her very formal little dress.

That's a weird reaction.  Not fear.  Not anger.  Shame?  What the hell happened if I was a bad girl…?  I shook my head.  It didn't matter. "I'm not staying," I told her.  Nora seemed to ignore the comment, though I knew she was close enough to hear it.  She was still preparing plates.  I'd talk with her after dinner.  Get this cleared up.

Anni didn't argue the point — she was here to smile and be happy, and she'd given the best possible tip she could have given to her new sister. Either she'd listen, or she'd learn why she should have listened. There was the smell of food, and very soon plates of pork roast, potatoes and other vegetables were set down. There were no knives for the two girls, though, only soft-edged sporks, and it became very clear once Marta plated up Anni's food, and then cut it into bite sized pieces, what the intent was. "Well don't you two look beautiful tonight. Marta, please make sure to get them both bibs once you're done plating."

It was stupid.  But I wanted this to be over with.  So I let Marta tie the bib around my neck, and I ate with the stupid spoon and the stupid cut up food.  I didn't argue.  I didn't backtalk.  And I even drank from the sippy cup when I was sure it wasn't milk.  Some of it, the dining habits, the sippy cup, the cut up food… I… I actually didn't mind… so much…

Throughout dinner, Nora watched the two girls with the same prideful smile that any mother might happily wear emblazoned upon her lips, and while Anni seemed oblivious to the stares, Josie was anything but — she kept looking up, self consciously, and she'd go to wipe her cheek or something, remember the white glove, and then look back down sheepishly.

It was not a nice dinner.  I mean, the food was good.  And the sippy cup was… relaxing.  But I was endlessly and constantly reminded by both the stares of the women across from me as well as my own outfit that I was not a kid today, or even a toddler.  I was a baby.  I didn't say anything.  I would just fuck it up.  If I wanted to convince Nora I was okay, I needed to be quiet, at least for now.  Just until dinner was finished.

Dinner didn't involve too much talking, just smiles, and looks, and anxious look-aways. The food was good, because it was, of course, but it was otherwise silent all the way until Anni was finished, and Marta took her to the children's playroom., leaving only Josie and Nora at the table. "Did you enjoy your meal, Josie, my sweet? Miss Marta is quite talented when it comes to food, isn't she?"

“Yeah, it was good…" I untied the bib and put it on the table.  I untied the bonnet next because, seriously, it was such overkill.  I put it next to the bib.  I crossed my arms and looked at Nora across from me.  How was I supposed to do this…? "I think I'm okay now.  I know I freaked out yesterday.  It was just… overwhelming.  You know?  But after sleeping… I mean, I'm not like happy or anything, but I'm not… how I was." Suicidal was how I was. "I just think I can visit.  Do weekends here.  That way I can still go to school.  Like… outpatient, or whatever, you know?"

Nora nodded her head, much as though she were listening, taking onboard Josie’s concerns, and she smiled as she spoke, let her know that her words were getting where they needed to. And after the girl had finished, Nora thought a moment, and then replied. "You'll have regular reviews, Princess Josie, and upon each review I'll consider your readiness to leave based on recently behaviors and actions. At this point in time, I don't feel as though you've recovered, and therefore, you'll be staying."

"…for how long?” "Until I feel like you've recovered." "I've already missed a day of school…" "It's like I said - we've withdrawn you from class on medical leave.  You won't be penalized in your grades, and you can resume your classes any semester you return." "…but I want to resume my classes now.  I don't need to be here.  I want to go back home, I want to see Koi.  I want to get a job."

"At the moment, Josie, you are in a state of flux. You'll continue to vacillate between two states — wellness, based on the girl you presented to be, and unwellness, based on the girl who was abused. This vacillation will be random and unpredictable, and without proper care, well… you do remember the state you were in when you took the pills in my bathroom, don't you?" She delivered the information like it was from a phone-book, like it was all fact that there was no reason to give doubt toward. And she finished it with a crushing point. "How would Koi feel if she came to visit, and you were dead in your apartment?"

"I'll stay with Koi, then," I said flatly.  Honestly, the thought of Koi walking in on my body… I shook my head, biting my lip.  She was getting to me… "I think you're confusing my asking for your permission and my telling you.  I'm not staying.  I'm just trying to put your mind at ease before I go.  Alright?  I'll visit Friday…"

"Josie, my sweet. You're here by volunteering means at the moment, you're in my care because you asked for my help, because you longed to be well — because there are parts of you that are pure child, parts of you that enjoy childish things, parts of you that were abused, parts of you that are blind to the truth, and parts of you that wish to die. Within your time here, you will become one girl. You will become you. Isn't a few weeks of time worth it, for that?" This was the nice hand. The not-nice hand would mention to Josie the paperwork she had written out and notarized for Petition for Involuntary Commitment, which would give her legal rights over the girl if lodged.

"Then I will visit on the weekends.  And we can talk all psychotherapy nonsense until the cows come home.  Or if you don't feel like you can handle that, I'll see someone who can.  But I have a life.  I have a best friend.  And contrary to popular belief, I don't like being dressed like a goddamn baby from the 1700s!"

The woman thought carefully for a moment. "Two weeks. Two weeks, if I am to believe that you are putting 100% into the program here, in two weeks, I will assess you very closely for continuing your treatment in the manner you suggest. I cannot promise that you will be ready at that point, but I will keep my mind open to the idea." In two weeks, she will be Josie, completely. In two weeks, she wouldn't be able to fathom functioning in the real world, nor would she want to leave.

Two weeks.  What, thirteen days?  Sixteen classes.  Five homework assignments.  I could do them here, I supposed.  Nothing would be stopping me.  But there were other variables besides school. "No more stupid dresses.  No more diapers.  I'm twenty-one, and even the part of me that liked…" Who was I kidding? "Likes this stuff… she's not a baby either.  No more milk.  No more drugs!  No more… spankings." That one was hard to admit to. "And stop following me around everywhere - I don't even have a way to kill myself if I wanted to."

The woman tilted her head curious at Josie and then replied after giving her won words a moment to sink in. "You are aware that I stipulated two weeks of maximum participation?" Perhaps the girl thought she had more bargaining power than she really did, and that was okay — she just needed to learn contrary. "Two weeks of full immersion here, and then you will be considered for an alternate program for the interim following period."

Full immersion?  She meant like Rissa and Anni?  Oh no. "Yeah, I'd rather just go home.  No offense, but my putting your mind at ease really isn't worth this stress." One thing about New Luzy - she was smart.  No more shy needy girl vs strong little girl.  One girl.  All my memories.  And I could play a system.  That's how you make friends - you play a system.  That's how you keep from breaking down from stress.  Play a system.  Old Luzy didn't get that.  I did. "I'll see you Friday," I said, and got up from the table.
 

[Sophie ♥]

71.)

"Josie. Do you know what the term Involuntary Commitment means, in the context of a girl whom tried to take her own life?" She was a smart girl — even if she wasn't inherently familiar with the term, the words themselves weren't the hardest things in the world to figure out the meaning of when placed together. The woman sipped at her after-dinner coffee and watched as Josie stopped in her tracks.

"…you're not an institution." "I am, actually." …what the fuck? "…you need a confession." I'd seen enough TV shows.  If you say you took too many pills on accident.  Or you didn't understand how to read the label.  Or if you thought the pills weren't dangerous.  They can't keep you.  Not unless you confess. "I didn't try to hurt myself, Nora.  I was confused.  I was tired."

"With the degree of your break, it would not take very much to convince a magistrate that you are not currently capable of caring for yourself, in which case I will be awarded legal guardianship over you, and you will complete my program, in full, to my satisfaction. There will be no option for a partially deferred program." The woman sipped her coffee again and then set it down with a small sigh. "I have a proven track record of results, Josie. You pleaded for my help, and now I will provide it. How I do so, and with how much freedom I allow you, is up to you and your actions."

"I'm not like these girls," I said evenly, putting my white gloved hands down on the table. "I'm not one of your… your… patients.  I'm fine!  And I'm not going to let you turn me into what you turned Rissa into!  What, you think because I have a soft spot for kids’ shows and sippy cups I'm going to piss myself?" I certainly had done it enough… "If you want my cooperation, you'll agree to my terms.  I'm meeting you half way."

"…you hate Rissa at the moment, don't you? You can only reconcile who she was in that place, the things she did there — a person she wasn't even truly meant to be, because that man made her that way. And yet, you choose to see her as that, and not as the sweet little girl who cried for you, who longed to help you, who told me all about you." This wasn't a guilt thing, though, oh no. This was much different. "All your priorities and rankings and ideas are out of order in your head, Josie — you had everything poured in together, and took the minimum pieces required to make someone, and that's who you decided to be. You're not whole, you're simply functional."

"That's not your call." "It is, actually." I threw the gloves off my hands onto the floor and stared at the woman with the most intense frustration.  I wasn't sure I'd ever been this angry in my entire life. "Rissa is my own fucking business!  Were you there?  Were you getting fucked every day and not knowing what it was?  Did you have her hand inside you?  Did she make you think she tattled every time you didn't fuck her well enough?" I was screaming.  I was angry. "And Kriss watched.  She sat there and let it fucking happen.  And you're no saint - keeping me here against my goddamn will?  What fucked up people are Anni and Marta, huh?  No.  I've endured enough bullshit for a whole fucking eternity, and I'm done with it!  I'm done with all of it!  I'm going home."

The woman stood up simply once Josie was done yelling, and waited for a moment for her to open her mouth to say something new. Her hand pressed the bracelet, and her words came simply. "Josie is Pretty." There were many things she could have done, many ways to cloud Josie’s mind beyond what she'd chosen, but none of those suited her current plans. Her other hand went to the girl’s cheek and she played with the skin, soft, tender, and stared into eyes made glassy by the yelling. "You don't want to be this way… angry… afraid. And you don't have to be."

"…leave me alone," I muttered.  But the fire was gone.  I didn't get it.  She called me pretty.  No.  She didn't call me anything.  She called that fake name pretty.  And that was enough to cool me down?  I pulled away from her, stumbling back.  My cheeks were pink, and I looked away from the woman. "I'm not staying… stop thinking you can change things…"

"Change is arbitrary… one thing as good as the other, my Pretty Josie." This time, the words were abridged, and there was no drug, but that was okay — they were only words and that's all they needed to be. "Changing someone without their permission is bad… but fixing someone who's broken… someone who might be so broken they don't even see it… that's good."

"Cut it out…" I stepped backwards again, and the woman stepped forward.  I stumbled into the living room and bit my lip.  Why was she doing this?  Did she think her system was going to work? "I'm not Rissa," I reminded her. "I'm not going to be some baby.  It's not happening.  You can't fix me."

"Rissa isn't a baby — she's an adult, and she's not broken anymore. No more hating herself, no more hating others, no bad memories, just experiences filed away as part of life. She's not a baby, she was brave enough to be fixed." The back of Josie’s thighs hit one of the chairs, and she fell backward into it, looking up with a mixture of fear and awe at the woman. "Are you brave enough to be fixed, my pretty little Josie? Are you brave enough to face happiness?"

"I'm not Rissa!" I yelled. "She had it easy…" I had tears in my eyes, and as I looked away from the woman, they slid down my cheeks.  This wasn't supposed to happen… "She was smart.  She deflected.  She was independent.  And it sucks what happened to her, but she could save herself!  She wasn't trapped in the wrong mindset!  She wasn't helpless!  She didn't rely on everyone else to save her, and… and… and she wasn't let down…" I rubbed the water out of my eyes.  I stood up out of the chair and pushed Nora as hard as I could away from me, but she only went back half a step. "I'm not her!  You can't fix me!  And I'm not going to sit on the carpet playing with blocks while I suffer!  I'M NOT!!!"

"You're not Rissa, no! You're not, and she couldn't be Rissa while she was here, either, she had to be Ister because Rissa didn't think there was anything wrong with her, even after she almost died!" It was the first time that Josie would have seen Nora raise her voice, and it was only just a little, but enough enthusiasm to make it work. "He poisoned you, and he poisoned her, and he poisoned Kriss, too — he took away all of Kriss, and she had to make herself new from pieces of the three of you, and she still saved you in the end. You didn't have it any better or worse than any of the girls involved in that, and Kriss and Rissa both got help so what makes you think you're so much better than them? You're a beautiful stained glass window shattered into a thousand pieces and put back together in all the wrong ways and the only way to fix you is for me to take apart every little shard and start over, and that's what you begged me for, that's what you trusted me to do."

I bit my lip, wiping the water from my eyes, and looked away.  Why was she doing this to me?  Why was I here?  Why couldn't Nora just… let it go… "…I don't wanna… I don't wanna be here…" "Too damn bad." "…it's your fault… you broke me in the first place.  I was… I was okay… and then… you messed it up… and that's not fair, it's not fair…" I was still crying, but the crying was coming down harder.  I couldn't help myself…

"I had to, because if I didn't and that had happened when you were on your own, you would've died…" And there it was… sadness, in the woman's voice. She was typically so withheld, subdued, detached professionally — but that was longing sadness. Was it because she knew Rissa? Was she too deep in? Or maybe, perhaps, it was all part of her methodology. Either way, when she wrapped her arms around Josie, the girl didn't pull away from the cuddle. "I know this is scary, but you need to trust me, I'm not out to hurt you or humiliate you…"

"…it's not gonna work… I'm not fixable…" "I'll make it work," she said.  I wanted to believe her, but you don't just make things work.  Those words didn't mean anything.  They were just more words… "I wanna go home…" "Sorry.  But I'm not letting you." "…I'm not gonna cooperate… I think this whole thing is stupid…"

"But you know it works, you'e just scared that you're too broken, Josie." The woman continued to hold Josie, gently playing with her hair as she hummed softly. "I've fixed dozens of girls, and Anni had literal damage to her brain, and she'll be ready to go in a few more weeks. I can help you, and fix you, so long as you let me. And even if you don't cooperate at first, I'll help you to as time goes on, and you'll be fixed. It's scary, my princess, I know that it is."

"It won't work," I mumbled into her shoulder.  She kept playing with my hair and I wrapped my arms around her.  Maybe because, since I'd woken up, since everything had happened, she's the only person that ever showed me affection.  Maybe… maybe I'd given up on affection.  But when I was in her arms, I missed it...

The fact of the matter was a very simple one, one the woman explained after she kissed the top of Josies head, and continued to hold her. "If it doesn't, you have nothing to lose, and if it does, you have everything to gain." The confrontation had needed to happen — it was why Nora had forced herself to be so blasé over dinner, because nothing could go forward without Josie having had her moment to scream, and to have someone scream back and then hold her.
 

[ozziebee]

Powerful chapter. 

[Sophie ♥]

72.)

There were many sides of Nora, many parts of what made up who she was, and how she got there, a fact that could be said of anybody; people are shaped by their experiences. Strengthened by them, and sometimes weakened. Nora's technique fell squarely into the latter. After Josie had sobbed into her shoulder, helpless, hopeless, determined that the process wouldn't work, Nora had stayed with her the whole evening. Simply talking. And then talking while the girl drank a bottle of the milk. She told her fairytales, made up children’s stories with a girl named Josie, a girl who escaped bad things, and become someone better, a sweet and pretty princess. And by the time Josie had gone to sleep in her crib, having nursed a third bottle of the milk for the evening, her head was swirling with ideas about Princess Josie, about the girl she could be. When morning came, Marta woke the girls; Anni with a smile and some words, and Josie with the teat of a bottle pushed between her lips. "Good morning, Little Princess Josie," - the title had been shared with her by Nora - “you slept just like a baby."

"Shut up," I managed behind the bottle.  I sat up dizzily, but I instinctively held the bottle between my lips.  The milk tasted like ice cream or powdered sugar.  It was hard to tell.  It was hard to care.  But I knew I shouldn't be having it this early… what was happening? "Training panties aren't equipped to handle so much," she said, and I just blinked in confusion.  She nodded down at my mattress, and for the first time I noticed the soaked sheets.  Shit… "…not a baby," I muttered, stumbling to my feet.  "Of course not," Marta said. "But I'm not letting you ruin the carpets." My cheeks went scarlet. "So until you can ask for a diaper, you'll stay in the crib." "…I'm not staying here." But when I tried to stand, to stand proper, I slipped back to the sheets.  The bottle…

The maid had let go of the bottle when the girl tried to stand up, but Josie had held it firmly between her teeth anyway, not wanting to let it go. She was already so needy with her milk. She fell back into the wet sheets, clammy and sticky and unpleasant, and her reaction was to suckle on the bottle harder. "You can stay right there, Little Princess Josie, I'm going to change Miss Anni's diaper."

I pushed the little lever through the bars as hard as I could, but whatever locking mechanism Rissa had once told me about was clearly in place.  This wasn't fair.  This wasn't right… I tried pulling myself up again, to tumble out of the crib, but I could barely stand, even with the support of the crib bars.  There was no way I could lift my foot over the top…

"Best not to make a fuss, Little Princess Josie." The maid wasn't even looking at her, though, like she were genuinely a child who needed little supervision while in her crib. She lifted Anni onto the changing table, and the bubbly babbling girl started to talk about her dreams, as if the fact she woke up every morning in a soaked diaper were the most perfectly normal thing in the world.

I sat down on the edge of the crib that wasn't wet, but it didn't change the fact my dress was soaked through.  And the underwear I was wearing had soaked up some of my accident, and clung coldly to my skin.  I shivered, sucking on the bottle.  This wasn't fair… I wasn't a baby…

"Marta, why is Josie wet?" "Your sister is having trouble accepting that she is a baby, Miss Anni." "Buh she drinks from a baba." "Yes she does, Miss Anni." "An' she wears lil girl clotheses." "That's right, Miss Anni." "And she tinkles when she sleeps!" "Also true, Miss Anni." "She sounds like a baby to me…" "Well, Miss Anni, I'm sure that Miss Josie will realize that soon, too."

"I'm not a baby!!" I basically yelled it across the room at them, and even with the bottle half-gone, it brought stars to my eyes.  I whimpered and nuzzled into the corner of the crib, looking up at the bars that kept me here.  This wasn't fair!  I didn't deserve this!

"Miss Anni, how about we go and have breakfast?" "Buh wha' about Josie…?" "When Miss Josie is ready to come out of her crib, she'll let us know. Would you like some waffles, or pancakes?" “Wan' pancakes." "Excellent choice, Miss Anni." "Shaped like aminals." "Very good, Miss Anni. And then, perhaps, I'll draw you a bath?" "…okay… but dun' get soap in my eyes!" The two of them truly did seem so natural, caretaker and child, and that just left Josie in the crib with the realization that in addition to being wet, and pouty, she was about to be wet, pouty, and alone.

I kicked the crib bars as hard as I could.  They didn't care.  My foot ached, and my leg ached, and I felt like I'd fall asleep with how much force I'd put into the crib.  But I didn't.  I pulled a pillow over to the clean side of the crib and finished my bottle.  I looked down at the nipple with a frown, rubbing my eyes.  I needed to stop drinking these… they were messing with my head…

The door was left open, and the faint sounds of Anni babbling came all the way from the dining room to the bedroom. She babbled, and she ate, and twenty minutes later her voice got louder as Marta brought her back up the hall to the bathroom opposite the bedroom. The maid peered her head into the bedroom customarily. "Little Princess Josie, are you ready to be changed yet?"

"I'm not wearing a diaper," I said with a pout, and curled tighter into the corner of the crib. "I want new underwear, and I want you to stop giving me this stuff!  It's makes my head feel funny, and it makes this happen.  This would never happen if I didn't have the milk…"

"It's only milk, Little Princess Josie, certainly nothing that would make you any more likely to wet your sheets — your body is simply accepting that you are a baby." The maid smiled and then stepped out of the room, joining Anni across the hall in the bathroom. Of all the things, Nora had speculated, Josie would be very susceptible to jealousy for seeing Anni doted over.

It didn't take ten minutes for me to notice the dampening of my sheets.  The training panties were full of moisture and did nothing to stop the leaking into the crib.  I felt water well up in my eyes as I tried to make it stop, but all in all, I simply couldn’t.  I didn't even feel it… but it… it was the milk… I knew it was!  There was a difference with Rissa and me: I'd worked here.  I knew their tricks...

Twenty more minutes followed before Marta brought Anni back into the room, the ersatz toddler wrapped up in the fluffiest baby blue towel imaginable, and her cheeks rosy, and every bit of her skin soft and cherub-like. She looked, to all intents, to be a child. A sweet, genuine child. Only bigger. "…Miss Marta, I think tha' Josie wet again…"

"…shut up," I muttered, tugging a blanket over the wet spot on my dress.  I watched with wet eyes while Marta helped the girl onto the table.  She played with her toes and helped her into a new diaper.  The smell of baby powder filled the room.  Then she worked on brushing her freshly blow-dried hair and tying it into braids.  I sat and watched, biting hard on my bottom lip…

"Miss Marta, I wanna make play-dohs today pwease." "Of course, Miss Anni. I'll fetch some for you as soon as you're dressed — will you try to be mindful of the carpets, though, you know how The Lady of the House worries." "Uhhuh uhhuh, I will, uhhuh. Um. Is Josie gonna come play, too?" "Well, Miss Anni, that's entirely up to Miss Josie. It seems to be right now that she'd rather stay in her wet bedsheets."

"Wait…!" Both girls had stopped in the doorway. "You run along, Miss Anni."  And Anni did.  It left Marta and I alone.  I bit my lip a little harder and looked away from the woman. "…is… is there… could I… wear something less… uh… maybe like a pull-up or something.  You said you had those…"

"Little Princess Josie, pull-ups are for little girls who have shown that they can keep dry and know when to use the potty. You've wet your sheets again since waking up, so I hardly think they will be appropriate." She didn't say it mockingly, or to tease or embarrass — the maid simply stated facts as they stood to be.

"…I'm…" I wiggled in the sheets uncomfortably, pulling my blanket higher into my lap.  I bit on the tip of my thumb, trying not to hurt my lips anymore.  It was hard not to suck on it… "…c-can't you make an exception…?  I promise, I won't… have any accidents…"

"If you can keep your diaper dry from now until lunchtime, I'll allow you to try a pull-up for the rest of the afternoon, Little Princess Josie. But there will be rules, and to be quite truthful, I'm not sure you're ready to try something so… advanced." The sheets had gone slightly transparent from the wetness, the rubber mattress beneath visible, and any comfort the warmth might have brought was long gone and cold by now.

"…what kind of rules…?" She'd say I'd have to have the milk.  Of course that would be a rule.  But I knew what it did.  I knew it made me weak, and that weakness led to my muscles unable to do simple things, like climb over a crib or keep from wetting myself.  She was setting me up to fail. "I'm not drinking any more milk…"

"You'll take feedings as feedings are given, Little Princess Josie. But that isn't one of the rules." The maid looked over the bars of the crib with a courteous smile. "You'll have to be sure to let an adult know when you need to go potty, and you'll be taken promptly. But if you miss even one, you'll be back in diapers as you'll have proven yourself to not be ready yet, and yoyoing your progress wouldn't do any good at all."

"Don't pretend like the milk doesn't do anything," I said flatly at the woman.  She still towered over the crib, and the longer she did, the smaller I felt. "…I can't keep myself dry if you give me that milk.  You're just setting me up… if you played the game fairly, I'd win." "Little Princess Josie.  This is no game." The way she said it made me shudder, and I sunk further into the crib.  I didn't know how to respond…

"You take some time to think about that, Little Princess Josie, I'll be in to check on you in a small while." For a girl like Josie, isolation could wind up being the biggest thing to undo her, despite all her best attempts — she liked being a child, but detested being a baby. That was important. If she were treated as a child and not as a baby, the treatment wouldn't work, and if it did, it would destroy her enjoyment of being Little.

"W-wait!" I tried again, but Marta did not wait.  My stomach growled and I buried myself deeper into the blankets.  I felt sick to my stomach.  I was cold and uncomfortable and altogether distraught.  I just wanted out of this stupid crib.  But the milk would wear off… it always did.  It just took a couple hours…

It wasn't hours when Marta returned — it was actually only about twenty minutes. But twenty minutes in pee-soaked bedsheets probably seemed like hours.  She came back to the edge of the crib with a bottle in one hand, and two cookies in the other. A choice. Both would lead to the same result, of course; the milk was baked into the cookies. But Josie? Josie didn't know that. "As it seems like you're going to want to spend all day in your crib, Little Princess Josie, I brought you cookies and milk."

I winced a little as I moved, pulling myself up to see Marta.  I reached out and grabbed the two cookies, but left the bottle in her hand.  Then I went and sat back down.  I didn't seem to want any right now.  I guess I didn't want any until I tasted it?  It was a weird feeling… "I'm not drinking that…"

"Well, I'll leave it here for you, and if you decide you'd like it, it'll be here." She would. Even though it was a choice, it wasn't really — once she ate the cookies, she'd want the milk as well. It was simple logic. Milk and cookies. And of course, the fact that both had the same additives certainly didn't hurt. Marta left Josie to contemplate the milk, and the cookies, and resolved to return in another twenty minutes.

I was too hungry not to have the cookies.  And they were fucking delicious.  Even in pissy sheets in a crib trapped in some crazy woman's house, they were still very good cookies…  and when I was done, I was really thirsty. "Marta…" I wiggled a little in place, biting my lip. "Marta!  Hey!  Can't I at least have some water?!" But water didn't even sound good.  I picked up the bottle and looked it over.  It kind of danced with the way it moved.  Like melted ice cream.  I ran my fingers across the plastic, and put the bottle down on the sheets. "You're bad for me," I told it.  Like talking to bottles was normal. "You make my head fuzzy and I can't move well and… well this happens." I gestured toward the bedsheets. "…and bottles are for babies…"

The bottle didn't reply, because bottles didn't do a whole lot of talking, though by the time Josie’s regression was completed that might very well change — children do have very active imaginations, after all. Still, despite talking, the bottle remained as tempting as ever, and as Josie moved about, it tipped over and dripped a few droplets on her hand. Little pearls of milk, simple and tempting, what harm could a few small drops do, anyway?

I looked at the little drops on my hand.  I wanted to lick them.  But I knew the way the milk was.  I knew what it would mean.  So I wiped my hand on the sheets.  I laid back in the crib, staring at the plastic.  At the creamy milk behind it.  In it.  I felt dizzy… "She'll know I drank you.  Marta will.  And then she'll have me in diapers all goddamn day, because I'll be wetting myself." I wasn't stupid.  But my mouth was dry.  And I just… I really wanted… "…maybe if you were a sippy cup," I muttered, trying to compromise.  Trying to convince myself not to… "…I mean, I… I remember when I first…" My cheeks went red.  Why was I talking to myself?  Because no one else was here, I guess? "I remember the first time I wanted to… try stuff like that.  Kid stuff.  And I got a bottle.  But you guys are so hard to drink from.  I liked sippy cups more.  But over the past couple days…" I blushed deeper. "I don't know… stop looking at me like that."

It was about midway through the monologue that Marta had come back up the hall, but she stopped short outside the door, waiting and listening as Josie spoke to… the bottle. How interesting — that was very good progression indeed. She waited for the accusation, for the girl to demand the bottle stop looking at her, and then decided to speak to Nora about plans for how to proceed; things were going even better than expected. And so, as Marta slipped quietly away, the bottle remained resolute, the milk moving slightly with every motion Josie made on the mattress. So tempting.

"Okay.  I'm sorry about this.  I am.  But… but I don't think I'm as strong as I should be.  Maybe I'm still icky about the milk earlier.  I still can't lift my leg up over the crib…" Great.  Still talking to inanimate objects… "I just mean, I'm sorry… but I'm gonna throw you… just over there… just so I don't…" I took a deep breath.  Why was this so hard?  I played with the nipple and sighed, shaking my head.  One sip.  Throw.  Before I even remembered.  I stood up, on my knees, wet against the mattress, and put the bottle to my lips. "Sorry," I said, and took one suck.  I swung my arm to throw the bottle, but my fingers didn't let it go.  I looked with glazed eyes at the nipple…
 

[Jayme]

Little Luzy is progressing well, may she learn that she is Truly Safe.

[Sophie ♥]

Again, thanks to the commenters for breaking up the chapters a little bit!! You guys are so sweet. ❤️❤️ 

[Sophie ♥]

73.)

"Oh no, I'm sorry, my sweet." A hand reached in and took the bottle away from Josie, snatching it from her after only a few moments of sucking — but enough had passed through her lips. Nora smiled, apologetic, and held the bottle. "Only girls who are smart enough to ask for a diaper to keep them dry are allowed to drink the milk, Little Princess Josie. And you definitely don't want to wear diapers, you made that quite clear."

I thought I was having a fucking heart attack.  I looked up at Nora with the kind of confusion you'd only ever see on a baby's face.  My eyes reflected the light like mirrors and my mouth persisted in a half-open fashion, waiting for the nipple to be replaced, maybe, or trying to find a word.  In the end, I found a couple… "Th-that's… that's mine…."

"This?" The woman held up the bottle, curiously, not maliciously. "Sweetie, to drink this, you need to ask for a diaper. Those are the rules, and bad things will happen if you don't have a diaper on when you drink this."

"Don't…!  Don't your… don't do your stupid talking thing where you think things make sense and they don't make sense!  Just gimme that back!" I tried to stand up, but my legs were already weak.  I stumbled and grabbed the bars on the crib.  I rubbed my eyes, wet and glossy, and shook my head.  This wasn't fair… "You know what happens when you drink this." "I don't care," I muttered.  I didn't?  Of course I did… "I care if you ruin my carpets." …she had a point… "I'm not a baby," I mumbled. "Then you don't need a bottle."

"I'll be back in a moment, I'm going to go pour this down the sink. Only a baby would want this." The timing was perfect, too, as perfect as could possibly be — she'd had just enough milk to need it, but not so much that she wouldn't be aware that she was going to do what she was about to do entirely by her own decision and choice.

"Wait!" Nora stopped in the doorway.  My fingertips quivered and I bit on my bottom lip.  This wasn't fair… "I'll… w-wear a diaper…" "So you can drink from a bottle?" Was she fucking taunting me?! "No," I said flatly, and looked at my feet. "I… I just want out of this stupid crib, is all…"

"Very well, I'll go pour this out and then come back and put you in a diaper." It was like chess, only every piece that Josie had were pawns, and everything Nora had were Queens. Every move was a disaster for Josie, every move was just three more ways to lose ground to the woman, but given how many times Nora had done this dance it was of very little surprise that she was as good at this as she was.

"W-wait, wait…" I bit my lip, looking at the floor.  I couldn't keep this up… I couldn't keep sacrificing myself for something as stupid as milk… but I just… "…I… I'll drink it… if…" "You know what it does," the woman said to me.  Nora stood there, the bottle in her hand.  She was right.  I knew what it did.  It made me weak.  It made me malleable.  Hard to fight back.  Almost impossible to walk!  And… the accidents… "Just give me the stupid bottle," I said quietly.

“Manners." But the woman had turned around, had returned to the side of the crib. She held the bottle just out of reach and smiled. "Say ta. It means please, and it also mens thank you. You'll use it as such. Go ahead now, sweetheart, say ta." Oh how diminishing it was to have basic manners taken away, but Nora was magnificent and in her prime, and every step Josie took was a stumble.

“That's… that's dumb…" But the bottle was right there.  And I was really thirsty.  And… and… I mean… how bad could it really be, right?  I could just… I bit my lip, shaking my head. "…ta…" And the woman handed me the bottle.  I pushed it between my lips and looked shamefully at my mattress.  My cheeks were the brightest red.

Checkmate. The woman smiled and lowered the edge of the crib, leaning down to lift the girl free from her pee-soaked prison, and leading her over to the changing table on the side of the room. Of course, she wasn't getting up there just yet — Nora had to undress her first, and that was something she did with very little resistance, as long as she didn't disturb the bottle.

"I got it," I muttered, reaching down to move her hands away from the My Little Pony underwear.  She slapped my hand even more successfully than Marta did and  I retracted it.  She pulled my underwear down on her own.  She'd seen me naked before, but it was usually Marta who changed me.  Nora had only seen me naked once, if I remembered… "No!" Nora was shocked at the volume of my voice.  I stepped away from her, nervously sucking the bottle, and kept her away from my back. "I don't want it off!” I meant the corset.  The one Nora had gone to unlace.

"Ask properly, Josie. Baby voice. Say…" Nora thought for a moment on the proper wording the choose for the girl, the words that would set the tone of her baby-talk from here on in. "Josie wan' wear her corsie, Momma." Momma was a small step away from Mommy, a word that Nora wasn't quite sure she was going to use with the girl yet. "Go on now, ask properly, Little Princess Josie."

"…you're being an idiot." Says the mostly naked girl with the bottle in her mouth.  Nora laughed a little and smiled.  Maybe she thought she'd pushed too far, too fast.  Either way, I wasn't going to talk like a goddamn infant. "You need to take it off either way." "Like hell…" "You'll need a bath," she said, and pushed her fingers against my pelvis.  I yelped, nearly jumping out of my skin. "Ow…" "You have a rash."

"That's what happens when you sit around in wet pee all night and morning." And before Josie could argue, she added, "Diapers wick it away from your body, and it takes a little longer to get a rash. You're going to have a bath, so you're going to have to take off your corsie. But if you'd like it back, you'll have to make a positive impression on me. I'm still not sure that it's appropriate for a girl your age."

"I don't care what you think," I said flatly, still sucking the bottle. "It's mine.  Koi gave it to me." I remembered her kissing me.  I remembered her teasing me.  I remembered the way she looked in that nightgown.  She was my best friend.  And… and she wasn't here anymore.  I wouldn't let it go.

"I suppose it was an important moment for you, discovering that you like girls." Another pawn fell, and before Josie could move her hand to steady it, Nora struck again. "Those aren't things for a girl your age to worry about, though. You're going to have a bath, and if you're a good girl, then you can have your corsie back. If you argue, make a fuss, or otherwise cause trouble, you won't get it back. It's as simple as that. Now, I'm going to unwrap you." It was wording Koi had used with Little Luzy. Wording that Nora was pleased to see had flashed recognition over the girl’s face.

"I… I don't like girls…" Nora was already unlacing the corset by the time I'd had time to come up with a response.  I didn't get it.  Her words just… stunned me.  I was lost.  The obvious thing was to tell the truth.  But it took me a minute to find that truth… "I've only been with guys.  I love guys.  I've never wanted to be with a chick…"

"Shh, shh, those are complex topics that are better handled by a girl once she's grown up, though I want you to know that it's perfectly okay for a girl to like girls — some girls do, and I won't love you any less if that's who you decide that you are, my precious Josie." The bottle still hung between the girl’s teeth, despite being empty now; she was chewing on the teat for any faint remaining flavor.

"I don’t like girls," I said flatly, a little frustrated. "And I don't say ‘your age’ like I'm Rissa or Anni.  I'm twenty-one." Twenty one year old with a diaper rash and a bottle between her lips.  I took the bottle out and put it on the changing table.  This was so stup- oh. "Be careful," Nora said, holding my elbow as I nearly fell to the ground.  My knees were shaking.  Stupid milk...

"No more talk about those things, we're going to give you a nice lovely bath, and we're going to have a special talk." Hypnosis, Nora discovered a long time ago, was very close bedfellows with baths. The water was perfect, environmentally, and with low lights, and some faint music, it was almost trivial to bring about a trance-state. Josie would come out of the bath-tub significantly more attached to her new name and knowing that wearing diapers made sense.
 

[Sophie ♥]

74.)

"…wow…" "Hm?" "I dunno, I just haven't… seen this…" There were two bathrooms, as far as I knew.  There was the one in the hall, with the toilet and sink and a large bath.  That's the one I always used, and the one I had bathed Ister in once.  This bathroom was next to the office, across from Nora's bedroom.  It had a toilet and a shower stall, a large sink, but the tub… was huge.  It was ridiculous.  Not like a jacuzzi, but it was at least the size of two tubs, and twice as deep.  The water was filled to the top, and candles were lit all around.  Light music played, almost invisible in the sound, and little bits of static broke through it like it was being played from the radio.  The whole room was dark.  It made me sleepy, even though it was just past noon.

"Usually there are two children here, Josie — occasionally, three. It's important for my children to be able to bathe together, as all close siblings should." The woman smiled, her hand still in Josie's as she helped her into the faintly scented tub — when she sat down, it wasn't like being an adult in a bathtub… proportionately, it was perfectly as being a child, from size, to depth, to everything. Perfect. "Its warm, not too warm, but comforting, isn't it? Relaxing…"

Too relaxing.  The water smelled weird, very familiar… but not… bad.  Actually very sweet.  Like vanilla.  No, it was different… like sugar?  I shook my head, sinking into the water.  The static and music hummed over head.  I rubbed my eyes. "…you think I can go home next week?" "How are your thoughts?" …yeah.  That was a thing.  I sighed. "They're fine.  I mean, I think everything you and Marta are doing pisses me off too much to really obsess over it… or maybe I just needed a good night's sleep..."

"Language, Josie." There were definitely different grades of standard for cuss-words, and everybody had their own ideas — but Nora's were very strict. She gently ran the wash-cloth over Josie’s shoulders as she spoke, softly, serenely. "You don't like the way bad words sound when they come from your lips, you prefer to use your words to be sweet and kind. Like a child. Children can say the sweetest things, can't they? Sweet, innocent, and genuine. Those are important qualities for anybody, wouldn't you agree?"

"It wasn't even a swear word," I pouted, curling deeper into the water.  I didn't see the point in this.  I didn't know why I couldn't bathe myself.  Maybe she was worried I'd drown myself, or I'd stick a toaster in here with me.  But I didn't want to do those things.  I just wanted to go home.  I wanted to see Koi… "I'm kinda sleepy," I muttered, and rubbed my eyes again.  The familiar smell took over the room.  The music was so soft I had to strain my ears to hear it.

"It's okay to relax, you won't fall asleep because you're not in your crib, and that's where you sleep." Cyclic logic was potent and useful for exhausting the conscious mind, and the woman continued to gently cleanse the tops of her shoulders and arms with the cloth. "Sometimes some of the best things about people are found in children, even babies. Babies are cute, aren't they? And certainly people like cute things. Babies make other people happy, too, just by being there. You'd like to do that, Little Princess Josie, you'd like to bring happiness."

"Maybe… I don't know… I guess I don't really bring anyone happiness, huh?  Like, even Koi just worries and worries…" I rubbed my eyes again, blinking them hard.  But ultimately they started to slip closed.  Everything felt dizzy… I curled up in the warm water and soft music, next to Nora in no clothes but the little beaded bracelet on my wrist.

"You can make Koi happy, happy the way she was when you kissed her.” By now, the soothing environment made it difficult to argue — to argue that Koi had kissed her, for example. Nora continued, softly, the girl’s eyes closed now but her mind open. "It's so nice to make other people happy, that's why it's so important to be a little princess, it's why you understand it, even if you have trouble saying it. Being here, being a baby girl, it's natural. It's good."

"…mm…" The room was dark.  Little lights flickered on the other side of my eyelids, the candles dancing.  But the music was too soft.  I wasn't even sure Nora was still talking.  It blended in with the static.  Everything was so warm.  So ridiculously warm.  And it all smelled like sugar…

"Being Josie is important… being Josie means being happy. Josie is a baby girl, sweet, bubbly, happy — she loves to cuddle with her Momma, she loves to draw, even though she's pretty messy at it. She wears diapers, because babies do, and she's a baby. She's happy, because babies are, and she's a baby.” The movements of the washcloth were rhythmic, calming, steady as her words. "You are Josie. You're Momma's Baby Girl."

"Mm…" Nothing was different.  Nothing was changing.  A static moment of serenity.  Warm.  Quiet.  Still.  All my senses applauded it.  Touch - warm.  Sight - flickering.  Hearing - static.  Smell - sugar.  Taste - remnants of the milk.  I had given myself into the moment.  It was a perfect moment.

"When you fight, you're fighting happiness… fighting happiness is silly, futile, pointless… you want happiness, you know it will come if you don't fight it, so fighting it makes you feel… restless. You feel restless when you fight happiness. But opening your arms to happiness… cuddling with Momma… wearing your diapers like a proper baby girl… drinking your milk… welcoming happiness makes you warm… the best kind warm, warm like the sun in spring, warm like cuddles.”

Warm.  The water swished around me in happy moments of bliss.  The static sung to me, but the warmth was omnipresent.  It took over me.  It reminded me of the good things.  Things like cuddles and sunlight and kissing Koi.  Kissing Koi… I felt a little bit of heat in my cheeks.  More warmth.

"You don't fight happiness… you're a smart girl, a smart baby girl… you welcome happiness. Being a baby girl makes you happy… you welcome it…. praise from Momma makes you happy… you welcome it… wearing your diapers, using your diapers… makes you happy, you welcome it. You're so happy as a baby, happy because you bring happiness, because you welcome happiness, because you are happiness…" She was so relaxed, so deep, so pliable. She needed this, she needed those words inside of her, to set her free. "Happiness is warmth. Hearing your name, Josie, hearing that pretty name that's yours… makes you warm. Warm is happy… happy is warm… when you can't get warm, you cry…babies cry… and Momma will come, and make you warm, happy, take away those tears…"
 

[Jayme]

Another beautiful chapter in the life of Luzy(Josie), now she can start to recover