How Did You Tell Your Significant Other?

[Spanky]

I was just wondering how those of you who have told your girlfriend/boyfriend about your DL/AB fetish did it? I have been in a seious relationship for over a year now and I thought that I was able to give up my DL side, but recently I have had very strong urges to be diapered and finally broke down and bought some depends. I truely want to tell my girlfriend, but do not think that she will be ok with it. Her father works the same place that I do and that could make things a living hell if word got out there. I have thought about starting out with my interest in spanking because I think more people are into that and see if she is interested in spanking me, but I don't know One time on vacation she grabbed my belt in the hotel room like she wanted to spank me but we never acted on that. I really want to give this fetish up and thought that maybe I had, but I haven't and I think that she should know before we talk about marage. I am one of those people who gets really strong urges to be diapered and use diapers and then they go away for a while, only to return. I am only a DL, not really into the AB side. I love to wear diapers and use them, both peeing and pooping in them. What to do?????

[AutieAB]

Plenty of suggestions on breaking AB/DLism to partners and dealing with the resultant issues in this thread amongst others.

As for how to broach the subject, I'd suggest some form of written communication. A note, an email, etc because you get the opportunity to assemble your thoughts over a period of time and adjust/rework as you think needed rather than a verbal conversation which can be trickier to get right first time (and with words you only get one shot!). At the end of the day though, there's no easy way except to be brave and get on with it before you talk yourself out of it again

[enfant]

The best advice I can give you is to be self-confident. When I told my wife, it worked out okay eventually, but I caused us both a lot more grief than necessary by being really ashamed and "confessing" it to her like it was something awful.

She told me later that if I'd just been cheerful about it, and said something like "Hey, I have this super-kinky fantasy--what would you think about dressing me up in diapers and treating me like a baby?" she would have thought it was funny, but perfectly fine. Instead I acted like I was admitting that I liked to molest puppies, and her response was "Well, I don't see anything wrong with that, but from the way he's acting, there must be SOMETHING wrong with it..." And that poisoned things for quite a while afterward.

You might work up to it, by starting conversations about other things (like spanking, as you mentioned). You might ask HER what her hottest fantasy is. Maybe get some fun reading materials, like Nancy Friday's books about sexual fantasies ("Men in Love", about men's fantasies, includes a few diaper fetishists, and "My Secret Garden" has one from a woman who likes to imagine men wetting their pants... I think "Forbidden Flowers" might have one like that too)--read them together and see what develops. You could even "accidentally come across" some website like dailydiapers, point it out to her for a giggle, and gauge her response.

If your sense of her is that she's playful and open to sexual activities that are a little bit outré--or at least not actively hostile to other people who are into such activities, or disgusted by the very idea--and if you trust her to keep your secrets, then open up that closet door. If not, though... well, then your relationship has bigger problems than a DL fetish.

[Repaid1]

Go back to the 2nd post and try, not to say number 3 was bad advice, or use search button top right, top of the page, vary the topic by subject pertainate to same topic and see 100's of post's through the years...use this board, as it is, members come on go.. the threads are still the same! "We" prefer not to repost things that are simply available to you had you chose to check out this site, we just ask you to help yourself before we have to say the same thing thats already available to you...This site is awsume, give it a look before ya ask what is already there! Hang in there not a serious slam but search the boards before you ask after that if it's a problem feel free...

[Red Barchetta]

In my case, it was already known to my GF that I wear diapers 24/7 before I even met her (A friend of mine that happened to work with her introduced us).

I didn't bring up spanking, or any other AB type play until we were together for about 1 year. But when I did bring it up, I just point blank came out with it! She did seem to think it was a little - well, "strange" at first, but at the same time a tad bit "cute" (in my case, the diapers are primarily for medical reasons). It took about another 3-6 month before she would "play" with me, but now we do basically whenever we get the chance. To this day, she won't post on any site like this one (why, I have no idea) but on rare occasions reads some of the stuff on them.

However, I also know from being with her for that 1 year first, I knew she was fairly open minded. We have been living together for about 15 years now.

[dpr13ca]

when i started dating again the first couple ladies i meet never talked to me again after i told them ,that was there lose .the woman i am now married too i just told her straight away when we started talking that i had medical issues that required diaper use but that i also enjoyed wearing them as well.we have a good open relationship and she even has worn my plastic pants and plays with me in my diapers all the time.The first couple i meet were just way to shallow i guess and im better off without that kind of attitude

[markd/l]

Hm

I can relate to this one although my experience is slightly different

I had never really thought about nappies, but one day tought she would look good in them, so mentioned it, she agread, and the rest is history, we only use them occasionally, and we both enjoy wearing them.

I also work with her dad, but thats not really been a big issue.,

Good luck with telling the one you love about it, all i can say is tell her, if she loves you she will understand.

M

[babylin]

I was just wondering how those of you who have told your girlfriend/boyfriend about your DL/AB fetish did it?

WHY TELL HER AT ALL? This is your fetish. By telling her are you trying to get her involved in it also? Are you seeking some symbiotic blending relationship like mother/child so she knows you inside-out? That's just an AB waiting to happen. This love of diapers WILL NOT go away. Telling her will not make it go away. As you are aware, telling her only makes you more vulnerable. DEAL WITH IT. Accept who you are for yourself. Don't feel guilty. Then keep your mouth shut. She really never NEEDS to know. It's just your ego. If you get the urge to enjoy your diapers, do so. You do not have to make a big deal out of it. Get out for a weekend and diaper up. Go fishing in diapers--- or golfing-- or ride a bike -- or take a hike-- or just stay at home and enjoy being diapered by yourself. This is your thing, not hers. So, down the road the two of you start talking of marriage, that's good, but ask yourself, realistically, "Does she ever really need to know?" If you do decide to get married, then take advantage of pre-marital counseling and MAYBE deal with it then. But you got to ask yourself. "WHY TELL HER AT ALL, EVER?" Women keep secrets from men all the time. It's a matter of "degree" of trust.

[Morv]

Apparently paying to have the big outfield sign at a major league baseball game profess to your wife, "Michelle, I love diapers and you. -- Jared" is not the way to go. Who'd a guessed?

Actually, the times I've discussed it with SOs I used... words. Although, if you have a nonverbal SO, I suppose pictograms might work.

[Chibiusa255]

WHY TELL HER AT ALL? This is your fetish. By telling her are you trying to get her involved in it also? Are you seeking some symbiotic blending relationship like mother/child so she knows you inside-out? That's just an AB waiting to happen. This love of diapers WILL NOT go away. Telling her will not make it go away. As you are aware, telling her only makes you more vulnerable. DEAL WITH IT. Accept who you are for yourself. Don't feel guilty. Then keep your mouth shut. She really never NEEDS to know. It's just your ego. If you get the urge to enjoy your diapers, do so. You do not have to make a big deal out of it. Get out for a weekend and diaper up. Go fishing in

diapers--- or golfing-- or ride a bike -- or take a hike-- or just stay at home and enjoy being diapered by yourself. This is your thing, not hers. So, down the road the two of you start talking of marriage, that's good, but ask yourself, realistically, "Does she ever really need to know?" If you do decide to get married, then take advantage of pre-marital counseling and MAYBE deal with it then. But you got to ask yourself. "WHY TELL HER AT ALL, EVER?" Women keep secrets from men all the time. It's a matter of "degree" of trust.

Wow, i have to say that i think this is absolutely the worst thing you could do. Granted, in relationships you're entitled to keep a few little secrets but I don't think this should be one of them. This is an important part of your life and not telling her would be a betrayal of her trust. So, why tell her at all? Because sneaking around and doing something behind some one's back is really not part of a healthy trusting relationship. I've seen too many stories about people who were married for years before they told their spouse and had a lot of problems when they did. I really feel bad for these people but what do you expect to happen when they find out that you've hiding this from them the whole time? Furthermore, if you don't trust the person enough to tell them, is that someone you would want to marry in the first place?

If you're serious enough to be thinking about marriage you have to tell her. How to go about this is a little delicate, though. I think the suggestion to not make it look like a confession of something your ashamed of is a good one. Do it in kinda a playful way. If it comes off like you confessing some dark little secret then it's a lot more likely to be taken as something negative.

It's kinda a funny story how i told my partner . It was about five or six months into our relationship and she was staying the night at my place. When we woke up in the morning she said that she needed to pee but she was so comfortable she didn't want to get up. So, is said that she could always wear diapers . We kinda giggled about that and i told her that we should get some sometime. Later that day we went shopping and while we were at the store i jokingly said that we should pick some up. To my surprise, she agreed that we should. So, then I had to confess that I already had some at home. She was slightly surprised but not in a bad way. I didn't go into much detail about everything in the middle of the supermarket but after we left I explained it all to her. She had never heard of AB/DL or anything like that but was very open to the idea. Everything has worked out great. We've been together about three years now and married for about five months.

Whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck.

[wetnwild]

from my recent experience all i can advise you is to make sure that you are in a truly loving and secure relationship, if you are having any minor issues this is going to come back and haunt you big time. I was having some minor issues with my wife, i decided to bring it out 6 months ago slowly, she is to say the least kinky so i figured we could both have some fun, BIG MISTAKE on my part. I now wish id kept my little once weekly / monthly fetish to myself, now she uses the subject on every oppertunity to bring me down and threatens me with it when things are rough. I know there are lots of people here that have had great success and every relationship is different, but id make sure you bring it on slow and try to get her to suggest it, try to manipulate the conversations around and make suggestions, blurting it out my have the opposite of the desired effect.

good luck on which ever route you chooose.

[Spanky]

I have thought about not telling her about it like babylin said and I have tried to think of a way to tell her like chibiusa255 said. I truely have tried to give up this fetish and have gone for a long time without diapers. Just last week I had some really strong urges and gave in and bought some. I have forgotten how good they feel and how much that I enjoy them. I have a wet and messy one on now and am truely loving it. I do love this women and want to live with her for the rest of my life and I do want to be honest with her, but I truely do not think that she will be ok with this fetish. I truely want to give it up, but probably will never be able to. I was trying to work in something with this astronaut/diaper thing like "Gee, I have thought about diapers would be good for long trips or hunting trips" or something like that but it has never been on the news when we have been together.

[Jilly Poo]

Babylin is absolutely WRONG! If you feel you need to tell her before taking the relationship towards marriage, then I say it is better she find out caringly from you than to discover it on her own later.

Wearing Diapers isn't something you need be ashamed of because many people do it. It is just the spin the media puts on it that keeps many of us ashamed of our desires. Thanks a lot, Jerry Springer!

In my case, I have been interested in wearing diapers most of my life but like you had tried to ignore it or put it aside for the benefit of my relationships. During one relationship, with a man I thought I would marry, I felt free to tell him anything and one day, I asked him to diaper me ( as well as shave me). He was all on board for shaving me but the diaper thing seemed to freak him out a tad and didn't do it. Soon after, the relationship changed and he left me without ever giving me a reason. I could only imagine it was the diapers and so I hid my desires once again from the world and myself.

Diaper desires like spring flower always seem to return. It wasn't long before I was finding ways to get myself diapered again but kept it to myself since I wasn't in a relationship. Eventually, I found myself another love and knew that diapers would have to go away or risk this one too.

I threw out everything I had and tried to stop thinking about wearing diapers. He and I dated for 2 years and I had barely thought about my desires but after his grandmother was placed on hospice care and eventually died at home, he and I moved into her house. One day, while cleaning, I came upon a package of Adult diapers in the closet that hospice left behind. The temptation was there once again and I gave into it. I was once again "hooked" on diapers.

We got engaged a few months later and I never told him. We were married a year later and I never told him. I got pregnant, gave birth and still never told him. All the while I was wearing diapers. In the beginning, I waited until he was away on business or had left for work. I started going into diaper chat rooms. Eventually, I felt like I was lying to him. I found myself longing for him not to be home and then praying that he would have an extended business trip to go on so that I could finally enjoy my diapers. It was like I was having an affair with my diapers and I began to feel really guilty. I hated that I was resenting him coming home and knew that I had to tell him what was going on.

One morning, after 8 years of marriage, I finally decided that I had to tell him. As I laid there next to him in bed, the radio alarm came on and Rod Stewart was singing, "Maggie, I think I have something to say to you..."

I took this as a sign that it was time. I rolled over and just started "Honey, will you do me a favor? Will you please diaper me?"

At first he was surprised at what I said. I began to explain that this was something that has been with me since I was a kid and that I had tried many times to give it up but somehow it was impossible. I won't say that he was all that thrilled with this new information, but he was willing to put a diaper on me and sat and waited for me to wet it. He seemed shocked when I did actually wet the diaper.

I wouldn't say that it has been the break through of my life telling him. At first he seemed okay with it, then he was grossed out by it and started teasing me about it. I told him how that made me feel and he agreed to stop hurting me. Now I am back to wearing when I want to but it is more like before I told him because I prefer to wear when I am alone. Occcasionally he will come to bed with a diaper in his hand to put on me because he knows that I really appreciate that.

So my suggestion is to tell her in a kind and caring way. You might bring it up during a moment of intimacy or even tell her that it is something you've been dying to try. You don't need to treat it like you are confessing to your Priest (or spiritual guide) because this person probably knows a lot of other personal things about you that she hasn't shared. Taking this step is a biggie so do so carefully. You might even do as was suggested earlier and write what you want to say to her so you can get your thoughts together. You might even want to introduce her to sites like this one that let's her know you are not alone but don't move to fast. One step at a time. If you care for her, you should share with her.

Jilly Poo

[DIAPERPHANTOM]

Spanky, I have told my story many, many times on the boards already, so I prefer to only address the issue of – if you should or should not tell your Significant Other.

I can really relate to what Jilly Poo shared with us. I too was in a few serious relationships through the years, good ones too, but like her, I also found myself wanting some private time away from them as well. Early in life I always thought my lifestyle was just a kink and it would pass, so why share it - but later in life I realized that it was never going away, it was a part of me. With that, I also realized that in order for me to be able to give 100% in a relationship, I had to share that part of my life.

There is a big difference between wanting to tell and needing to tell your Significant Other. Both have consequences, but wanting to tell is still a choice, remember that Once I realized that I no longer had to make that choice, everything started falling in place.

Timing was going to be crucial and I knew this, but from what I had read on this site and others, I knew the opportune time was going to be when the relationship started getting serious. (Why tell all if the relationship is not going anywhere, but you don’t want to drop the bomb deep into a relationship either, to minimize the damage.) So, about ten weeks in the relationship, just as things turned serious, I told her about my lifestyle. The rest is history…

I was lucky to have been able to think most of this through prior to starting another relationship. It allowed me to optimize every aspect of telling her including when. You on the other hand are in a totally different situation. If you tell and things don't go well, your personal life, including your livelyhood could be seriously damaged due to her family ties at your job. Due to your unique situation, you actually may benefit more by waiting or not telling her at all, despite what I have read from the experts. Either way, it's a tough decision to make...I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

[shadows]

im not to good at this stuff but id just tell her theres something you really feel like you have to tell her and that if she isnt alright with it you can stop for her from the sounds of it im sure if it came down to it you could choose her over diapers but i know how you feel ive been about 6 months without and want some so bad but sometimes you have to choose between something you like and some one you love im lucky i guess i told my girlfriend before we even got together so i know it doesnt bother her and if it ever does i wouldnt give it a second thought id just stop wearing love is way more important in my opinion course thats another way im lucky i guess i can quit anything quit smoking one day just said this is stupid and now its been six years and ive smoked maybe 10 cigarettes since well anyways thats what id do hope this helps and good luck. oh ya and yes i know my grammar and spelling is terrible lol

[RMS401]

Thanks for the excellent post, Jilly. I too have told my story here many times, but I think some of it bears repeating under the circumstances.

Like many people here, my need for diapers has come and gone over the years, probably because there was nothing to reinforce the desire. Growing up I never even knew there was such a thing as diapers for adults (not counting the plastic pants in the Sears catalog, which I would have had no way of attaining), and as far as I knew I was the only one on the planet with these feelings. So after puberty the feelings pretty much disappeared.

I met a woman and fell madly in love, and we married and moved away. Everything was fine until I got a job that required me to travel a lot. This left me alone in strange towns, where I felt like I could get away with things I couldn't normally get away with--I could be a little naughty. Whatever should I do? Well, I think you know the rest of that story.

Then came the Internet and that showed me that I was far from alone. These new developments, I feel, led to my current, permanent status as a DL. When I finally faced this, I knew I had to tell my wife. I did, and it didn't go well. She's a wonderful person, but a tad straight-laced, especially when it comes to things like this. Finding out that her big, strong hubby liked to put on a diaper and wet himself was just too much for her to bear. I was so devastated that she was hurt that I promised to give them up, and I tried, I really, really did. But we know how that ended, too, don't we? Again, a second time, I had to break my wife's heart.

I can't speak for everyone, but the pull to wear diapers is stronger than I am, and I know that I will never fully escape it. I can resist it for a while, but not for long, as it wears me down. I think my wife knows this now, and she has made a certain level of peace with it. She wants nothing to do with my diapers and has still never even seen one, but she's gotten to the point where she'll joke about it every once in a while. Last night at dinner I told her in a very dramatic way that there was something I wanted to buy, something just for me. I was going to ask for some new piece of electronics, but with a twinkle in her eye she asked if it was soft and absorbent. It's at times like these that I wonder how accepting she has become, but I dare not push things.

The bottom line here is that you need to tell your girlfriend about your diapers if you feel you have a future. You can't hold in a lie forever, and you can't withhold a part of yourself and pretend to commit yourself to her 100%. She has to know who you are, warts and all. To most people, this is a HUGE wart, but not to everyone, and if your love is strong enough, like mine is, then you'll work around it.

Best of luck.

-RMS

[sissydiaperboy1]

I guess im one of the lucky one's One day I told my wife (my girlfriend then) that I had a dream that she put me in diapers and made me wet them. She then said "then what happened" I wanted to keep it short to get some what of a reaction from her..I told her I didn't know because I woke up and the dream ended. We had a couple of laughs about it and she didn't seem to be put off by it. So a couple weeks after this she was coming over early in the morning and always came to my bedroom to wake me up..Imagine her suprise when she put her hans under the blanket and felt alot more padding there than usual. I pretended to be asleep and she just tenderly rubbed my diaper and said "wake up baby". I thought this can't be this easy but I was wrong.She continued untill I made #3 in my diaper. A marriage and 10 years later she always calls me baby and dresses me in diapers plastic pants and a baby girl dress whenever either of us get the urge,which is most nights after supper...I think i will keep her....lol!

[RMS401]

Wow, congratulations, Diaperboy. You are one lucky . . . guy?

-RMS

[Guest Diaperdragon]

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My 2 cents here, It's the reason why men have issues like this when

they tell their significant other that they are into diapers other

than for medical, old age or you work for NASA reasons. Most women i

know will be shocked by the fact that a guy is into diapers. That's

why if guys tell it like it is and they are upfront with things, 9

times out of ten they will be cool with you being in diapers. It's

all about being straight and honest. If i had a guy said he's a DL,

yes I would be shocked and upset.

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[RobertUK]

Tell her. Before she finds the websites.

Or you'll have to dig your self out of what seems like a never ending hole...