The Most Unusual Amazon Chapter 17 (UPDATED 8/05/18)

[Guilend]

8 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Yikes! I expected dark, but I didn’t expect anything like this! 

Not that this was painful to read or anything. It all happened so fast that there wasn't much time to empathize. That and the intentional confusion over what the heck is going on.

Yes, when I first started this story I had moved a tad faster then I should have, being my first story I figured I would. By the time I realized my mistake it was to late to change it, so I just kept going with it, but now I realize that it might be a good thing as I hope to reveal the reason I say that in later chapters. The biggest reveal would be in chapter 12 and 13, or 13 and 14. It will go into what has been happening to Daria and why whatever is going on was so fast moving.

As for it going dark, I didn't really want to, but I had to for my vision to be clearly seen and so my next story would be more believable. 

16 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

P.s. thank you for changing Daria's text. It did bother me in the last chapter but I forgot to mention it. This is much better.

You have my fixer upper to thank for that lol I didn't even notice how hard it was to read till he pointed it out.

11 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

We can be fairly certain that Daria isn't going to use the knife on (Jess? Was that her name?) Because that would be the end of the story. I'm thoroughly rivited to the edge of my seat for the next chapter.

You might be right, but I might end up going with another story I have read and Jess turns into a spirit of a ghost and haunts the world for eternity, causing all sorts of mischief. Like causing Amazons to not make it to the bathroom and they wet, or mess, themselves while out in public and in a few years a large number of Amazons are diapered and the whole dynamic of the DD realm would be turned on its head, then the universe would explode due to all the infinite possibilities and it overloads.

I guess you will have to read the next chapter to find out. 

[Wannatripbaby]

45 minutes ago, Aries said:

Yes, when I first started this story I had moved a tad faster then I should have, being my first story I figured I would. By the time I realized my mistake it was to late to change it, so I just kept going with it, but now I realize that it might be a good thing

No no, you've been moving along just fine. Plus one thing that was working against you is the unforseen hiatus you took which effectively kills the flow of any story. It's not your fault. And these last 2 chapters definitely feel different than the rest of the story because of it. Not just because they're darker. No, they almost feel like they were written by a completely different person. I'm sure the same thing happened with me during the last few chapters of Angel Hunter. It's one of those things that's just going to happen until you find your "voice."

51 minutes ago, Aries said:

You might be right, but I might end up going with another story I have read and Jess turns into a spirit of a ghost and haunts the world for eternity, causing all sorts of mischief.

I had not thought of that. That would certainly make her The Most Unusual Amazon...

[Guilend]

11 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

No no, you've been moving along just fine. Plus one thing that was working against you is the unforseen hiatus you took which effectively kills the flow of any story. It's not your fault. And these last 2 chapters definitely feel different than the rest of the story because of it. Not just because they're darker. No, they almost feel like they were written by a completely different person. I'm sure the same thing happened with me during the last few chapters of Angel Hunter. It's one of those things that's just going to happen until you find your "voice."

When trying to think on how I wanted the next few chapters to go during my month long break, i had already had chapter 10 written and I didn't like it as I wouldn't get the emotions and the questions I wanted my readers to feel and to think on. I put off writing anymore, mostly due to my laptop, but because I just didn't know how to make it sound the way I needed it to. I was conflicted with going dark. I new I had too, but I didn't want to. After I got my laptop running and figured out how to sort of use google docs I decided to try writing chapter 10 again. I still didn't go as dark as I needed in the last two chapters, but I decided to make a compromise with my personal self and my writer self. I would go just enough into the dark side to give my readers the view into what can possibly happen. The spin off on the other hand is going to be going just as dark, if not more. I just didn't want my first story to be this dark.

My third story I have in mind will be dark as well, but the fourth one is going to be much lighter and be really fun for just about anyone that wants to read it.

17 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

I had not thought of that. That would certainly make her The Most Unusual Amazon...

That is true, but I honestly didn't think of that till I started writing the reply to your comment lol. I am good at making small fiction up as I write it, even if it doesn't entirely make any sense at all.

[Wannatripbaby]

22 minutes ago, Aries said:

I am good at making small fiction up as I write it, even if it doesn't entirely make any sense at all.

I know. I've seen you in the comments section of Kimmy's stories.

[Guilend]

Chapter 12

 

I was not sure what happened, but I woke up early the next morning and my whole body hurt. I was sucking on my paci, which was helping me keep calm as I looked down to find the source of all my pain. I was in my crib wearing nothing but a diaper and from the feeling it was a very used diaper. I would have started crying again if I had any tears left when I noticed the small to medium cuts all over my body. It seems that the bleeding had stopped long ago, but they all still hurt a lot. I could tell that mommy had put some sort of cream on them and they were healing at above average speeds, but not by much.

 

I heard a door open and someone talking in the other room which quickly turned into yelling. I was beyond scared now. I heard footsteps coming closer and closer to the door of my nursery. I closed my eyes, maybe if I pretended I was asleep whoever it was would leave me alone. I heard the door slowly open and someone walking in. I knew from the footsteps that it wasn’t mommy. Mommy made light footsteps. These were firmer and a tad louder, like a man's footsteps.

 

I slowly opened my eyes just enough to peak through my eyelashes trying to find out who it was. It didn’t take me long before I noticed it was Joey, I wasn’t sure if I should be scared or not. As he approached my crib I curled up in defense for whatever was about to happen.

 

“Oh my, what did she do to you?” He whispered trying not to wake her.

 

He came closer until he was standing over my crib looking down at me. I backed up into the corner of the crib slowly while still trying to pretend I was asleep. Which in hindsight really wouldn’t have worked anyway.

 

“Don’t be afraid Jess, it’s me Joey. Don’t worry,  I will help you get to a hospital and cleaned up. You are safe now.”

 

Safe? Where was mommy? I had so many questions I just couldn’t get any of them to come out. I was so confused at what was going on. Joey reached down and lowered the crib rail and slowly picked me up. I know I wasn’t heavy, but I didn’t realize till now at how much weight I had lost in just a couple of days, or has it been weeks. I lost track of time at some point. I tensed up as he placed me on the changing table.

 

“It’s okay Jess, you are safe.” He kept whispering in my ear the whole time.

I heard more people coming into the nursery and something being rolled across the floor. At this point I tried to see what it was and as I slowly opened my eyes I noticed that three people and a rolling bed entering the room. Two men and one woman, all wearing some sort of uniform. It took me a moment to realize that they were paramedics from the local hospital. It dawned on me that I was about to be taken away from my home by strangers and I have yet to see mommy anywhere. I jumped up and started pushing people out of my way trying to get to the door.

 

“MOMMY! MOMMY!” I kept yelling at the top of my lungs.

 

I didn’t get very far before the two men grabbed me and pushed me onto the bed while the woman used some of the straps on the side of the bed to strap me to it. I was still screaming for help, but mommy never came. The woman walked over to me with my paci that I just realized must have fallen out of my mouth the moment I started yelling for mommy. She cleaned it off with a rag and put in back in my mouth. I started sucking on it, but it didn’t do a lot to calm me down.

 

I was wheeled out into the hallway and out the front door. The paramedics had draped a blanket over me to give me some dignity, but I didn’t realize that until much later. As they were loading me into the back of the ambulance, I could look around more and I saw a lot of people walking around the front yard and all through the house. They all had different uniforms on and most I didn’t recognize. I knew that they were from several different branches of government and police forces from the surrounding towns and villages. I also noticed another ambulance parked next to the one I was in, but it didn’t look like any ambulance I have ever seen, but from the looks of it, it was a military ambulance. I could tell from the greenish color it was painted in. I felt a prick in my arm and I quickly turned to find the woman paramedic had stuck me with a needle and before I could do anything everything went dark.

 

[YourFNF]

1 hour ago, Aries said:

Chapter 12

 

I was wheeled out into the hallway and out the front door. The paramedics had draped a blanket over me to give me some dignity, but I didn’t realize that until much later. As they were loading me into the back of the ambulance, I could look around more and I saw a lot of people walking around the front yard and all through the house. They all had different uniforms on and most I didn’t recognize. I knew that they were from several different branches of government and police forces from the surrounding towns and villages. I also noticed another ambulance parked next to the one I was in, but it didn’t look like any ambulance I have ever seen, but from the looks of it, it was a military ambulance. I could tell from the greenish color it was painted in. I felt a prick in my arm and I quickly turned to find the woman paramedic had stuck me with a needle and before I could do anything everything went dark.

 

Halle-frickin-llujah it's the cavalry!!

 

Also you weren't kidding about the outbreak part if the military is involved.

[Guilend]

4 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

Halle-frickin-llujah it's the cavalry!!

I thought of you as i wrote that part. I was like, FNF is going love this, which is why i tried to add a little more detail. Sadly a lot of my memory is lost from all the military stuff i used to know.

 

6 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

Also you weren't kidding about the outbreak part if the military is involved.

Outbreak really might not be the correct term, or it could be an invasion of a microscopic alien race. 

[Wannatripbaby]

Joey! I completely forgot about him! Hurrah!

Alright, here's my guess as to what's going on: Whatever this disease/drug/invasive alien virus is causes people to loose their inhabitions completely and start acting out their deepest desires. And Daria just so happened to be an extreme sadist with a touch of Mommy.

[Guilend]

4 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Alright, here's my guess as to what's going on: Whatever this disease/drug/invasive alien virus is causes people to loose their inhabitions completely and start acting out their deepest desires. And Daria just so happened to be an extreme sadist with a touch of Mommy.

That is totally it. You got me.

Edited July 12, 2018 by Aries

[Wannatripbaby]

5 minutes ago, Aries said:

That is totally it. You got me.

Spoiler alert! 

[Guilend]

3 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Spoiler alert! 

Nope. I was just messing with you. You know how you always told me that sometimes simple is better? I didn't go with it. I like complex. Though if i had more understanding and knowledge i could make it sound really compkex, but i don't so i will have to dumb it down in the story, but it's simple yet complex and will change the history of the DD universe.

[Wannatripbaby]

4 minutes ago, Aries said:

Nope. I was just messing with you

I know. I was messing with YOU for messing with ME! There was a lot of messing going on. Such is the norm around here. 

4 minutes ago, Aries said:

You know how you always told me that sometimes simple is better?

Actually I don't remember that. But it sounds like good advice so I'll gladly take credit for it

[Guilend]

 

Act III

 

Chapter 13

 

I am not sure how long I was in the hospital, or even the day I was brought in. I know that over a period of time I would wake up and then pass back out. Then one day I slowly opened my eyes, my brain still foggy. I looked around the room and it was your typical hospital room. Mounted on the wall in front of me and near the ceiling was a small looking TV that was turned off. I looked to my left and saw two doors, one cornered a bit from the other so I am going to guess that one was the bathroom and the other led out of my room.

 

I then remembered the cuts on my body and in a panic I tore off the blanket that was covering me. I was relieved to find that I was wearing a hospital gown and that I didn’t see any signs of the cuts anywhere on my arms or my legs, at least the parts of them that was not covered by the gown. I shifted a bit and could hear the crinkle and I knew it could only mean one thing. I reached under the gown and felt between my legs. Yup, I was wearing a diaper, a wet one.

 

The door opened up and a tall nurse walked in. I could see her face very clearly since her long dirty blond hair was tied up in a loose ponytail. She was looking down at a small hand held screen, I guessed she was reading my medical records and checking for any notes that earlier nurses or staff might have left. She looked up at me and her green eyes lit up when she noticed I was awake. She walked over to my bed and said in a chipper voice.

 

“Good Morning Ms Finning, how are you feeling?”

 

I tried to speak but my throat was dry and sore, but I was able to get out,

 

“Good, water?”

 

It was weak, but to the point. I needed some water in a bad way.

 

“First I will need to get your vitals and then I can ask your Doctor if you can have some water, till then I will get you some crushed ice to suck on after I am done with your vitals, is that okay?”

 

I just nodded and tried to relax. As I shifted I heard my diaper again and I blushed  deeply red, the air even seemed to get a few degrees warmer.

 

“Don’t be embarrassed, I am a nurse and have seen it all and will not judge you.”

 

I gave her a look and tried to indicate to the diapers with hand gestures.

 

“You were in bad shape, both mentally and physically. We wasn’t sure if you’d need them or not, at least not till you woke up. I will get you changed and cleaned up after I bring you your crushed ice okay?”

 

I once again just nodded and watched as she finished my vitals and walked out of the room. I thought about what she had said about might needing the diapers. I decided to see if I could feel if I needed to go or not. I was happy when I noticed that I could feel it, oh boy could I feel it. I really had to poop and was glad the nurse came back so fast with the ice. I popped some ice in my mouth to moisten it up enough to ask about the bathroom. A few seconds later I didn’t have a choice, I had to go now.

 

“Bathroom, now …. Please?” I asked in a hoarse voice.

 

“Yay, you can feel it, now do you need to urinate or defecate?” She said way too enthusiastically.

 

“Both.” Was all I could get out.

 

I had already started trying to get up by the time she could rush to the side of my bed to help me. As soon as I stood up my legs gave way and she had to catch me and guide me back down onto the bed. I started tearing up and tried to not full on cry.

 

“It’s fine, you haven’t taken a step for a long time so it’s natural for you to have trouble at first. Lets try again, but this time you hold onto me. Okay?”

 

I nodded again and held onto her upper arm. I stood up slowly this time and as long as I held her for support I was able to stand. We slowly walked to the door that I had earlier guessed was the bathroom and she opened it.It seemed that I was right. Once inside and I took my wet diaper off and situated myself on the toilet. She left to give me some privacy. After I was finished she came in to help me back to bed, once there I fell back to sleep. I tried to stay awake because I had so many questions, but sleep won out and darkness took me once more.

 

I was woken up some time later by the sound of the door to my room opening. A man in scrubs walked in carrying a food tray from the looks of it.

 

“Great, you are awake. It’s good to see that you are doing better and I do hope you can eat, at least half of this food. I hope you like cereal, grits with a side of toast and to wash it down with some orange juice.”

 

Great, someone else in a good mood. I looked close at the tray he placed on a small table on wheels. As he pulled the table closer to me so I could eat from it I noticed that at some point someone had come back and put another diaper on me. I just hoped he does not  notice. Once he lifted the lid from the plate I noticed they had forgotten the most important thing anyone needs for breakfast, coffee.

 

“Coffee?” I asked in a whisper, my throat still sore and dry.

 

“We didn’t know if you liked coffee or not so we didn’t put it on your menu. I will make a note of it and see if we can get it on there for tomorrow morning, how’s that sound?”

 

Then in a whisper he said, “I might be able to sneak you up some after I make my rounds, just keep that between us okay?”

 

Okay, he’s my favorite person in the world if he can pull that off. With a small smile I replied “That sounds very, very nice.” At least my throat is slowly feeling better.

 

He left and I started eating like it was the first meal I have eaten in months, for all I knew it might be true. After I ate and pushed the table back away from the bed I realized that eating can be tiring. I relaxed just trying to piece together what happened to me. I don’t remember to much, it was still foggy. I just remembered bits and pieces. Darkness came over me and I was fast asleep.

[Wannatripbaby]

Another excellent chapter. I was a little surprised that Jess made it to the toilet. I thought for sure you of all people would jump at any reasonableness excuse to make a female character poop themselves. 

Also here's a little writing tip. I don't know if this is an actual rule or anything, but it's just something I've learned to avoid:

25 minutes ago, Aries said:

"Don’t be embarrassed, I am a nurse and have seen it all and will not judge you.”

Try to avoid using the word and more than once per sentence. I don't really know why, but it just doesn't sound right. And usually there's an easy way to rephrase it. For this sentence I would've probably written "Don't be embarrassed, I'm a nurse. I've seen it all and will not judge you." Now obviously there are exceptions to this rule, as with any dialogue tip. But it's something to just store in the back of your mind for the future. 

[Guilend]

6 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Try to avoid using the word and more than once per sentence. I don't really know why, but it just doesn't sound right. And usually there's an easy way to rephrase it. For this sentence I would've probably written "Don't be embarrassed, I'm a nurse. I've seen it all and will not judge you." Now obviously there are exceptions to this rule, as with any dialogue tip. But it's something to just store in the back of your mind for the future. 

Yeah, I try not too and somehow I must have missed that one. When I see that I have I do try and go back and rephrase it, but like I said, I must have missed that one.

 

7 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Another excellent chapter. I was a little surprised that Jess made it to the toilet. I thought for sure you of all people would jump at any reasonableness excuse to make a female character poop themselves. 

Well, I knew that would not be the time for that. I wanted it to show that she did have control over that and she's in a fragile state of mind so that just might have broken whatever mental healing that she has been able to do. I didn't want to break her, this is a time for healing. The next chapter is going to be where I explain what happened. Now I am sure many are wondering how long she was out and why they had obviously kept her sedated this entire time. I will explain all that as well in the next chapter. I thought about putting all of that in this last chapter, but realized that this is her first day since the day she was rescued that she has been awake and not only would that overload her mentally, it would overload my readers. I didn't want to turn my reader's brains into mush, at least not yet.

[Wannatripbaby]

15 minutes ago, Aries said:

Yeah, I try not too and somehow I must have missed that one. When I see that I have I do try and go back and rephrase it, but like I said, I must have missed that one.

Don't worry. Happens to the best of us.

16 minutes ago, Aries said:

I thought about putting all of that in this last chapter, but realized that this is her first day since the day she was rescued that she has been awake and not only would that overload her mentally, it would overload my readers

I agree. Chapters should be separated by story beats. This one was about her waking up and us seeing how her recovery has gone. Adding the explanation to the mystery would've definitely been too much or at least it would've subtracted from the importance of this scene.

[Guilend]

5 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

I agree. Chapters should be separated by story beats. This one was about her waking up and us seeing how her recovery has gone. Adding the explanation to the mystery would've definitely been too much or at least it would've subtracted from the importance of this scene.

Yes, it would have. I am still not sure if i will put it all in the next chapter, I might split it up some how into two chapters, that way I can spread it out enough so the readers can have their time at asking their questions and understanding it in small doses. And it would drag the story out a few more chapter.

Also I won't be posting any chapters this weekend, but I will be writing them. I want to get some back log going and this weekend will be the best way of doing that. It might be some time before I start posting the spin off once I am done with this story. I was given some info that will help me write better and I will be using that. It will be better then this story for sure.

[HyperShark]

2 hours ago, Wannatripbaby said:

For this sentence I would've probably written "Don't be embarrassed, I'm a nurse. I've seen it all and will not judge you."

 

Yeah in the proofreading this sentence concerned me a bit too. In the end, I could not find an alternative way of re-wording it that I liked so I just left it in.

[Wannatripbaby]

5 minutes ago, HyperShark said:

Yeah in the proofreading this sentence concerned me a bit too. In the end, I could not find an alternative way of re-wording it that I liked so I just left it in.

Ah, so you're Aries' new editor? Awesome! You have my thanks and my respect sir. :)

[Guilend]

I figured if he wanted to be named as my editor then he could be the one to say. It was not my place, some people like to stay in the background so I left it up to him. He has been awesome. Even after I am really sure I have it perfect he always finds something I can improve upon. I have learned a lot writing the last few chapters. 

[Guilend]

 

Chapter 14

 

I woke up the next morning by the sound of the door opening, or at least I hoped it was the next morning. I saw the same nurse from the morning before walk in. She had that same smile and cheerful look as before. I shifted in my bed and realize that my diaper was wet again, I vaguely remember a nurse changing me sometime in the night. I blushed from both the embarrassment of knowing I wet my diaper and knowing the this pretty hot nurse was going to be changing it. I then felt myself get wet down there for a whole other reason, now I was really not looking forward to her changing me. What if she noticed that I was a tad too excited and that I liked diapers? I then got very afraid. What if she started beating me like Mommy did?

 

“Are you okay?” The concerned nurse asked me.

 

She waved her hand in front of my face, but I was so far gone that I didn’t notice. I was in my happy place. The nurse just sighed and checked my vitals before leaving to get the doctor.

 

“I think she is coming around. Don’t do anything to startle her, she might go further into her mind and then we might never get her back.”

 

I was not sure who was talking, but when I blinked my eyes a few times I could see that the clock on the wall had advanced several hours and a tall man in a doctor's coat standing at the foot of my bed right next to the nurse from this morning.

 

“W-what happened?” I asked, very confused.

 

The last thing I remembered was the nurse walking in, I had no memory of what happened between then and the present moment. I must have fallen asleep.

 

“Well, it appears something scared you and you zoned out, it’s your minds way of protecting itself.” Came the reply from this new doctor that just walked in.

 

She was a Little, hence she was much shorter than anyone in the room. She wasn’t dressed as a doctor, but was wearing a long business style dress that almost touched the top of her shoes, and her hair was done up in a bun on her head. She also wore a pair of glasses, which is unusual since most eye problems can be easily fixed these days.

 

“Hello Jess, my name is Dr. Bee. I am a mental health doctor and yes, I am a Little. I have read through your file and even came in and checked on you a half hour ago.”

 

“Hi?” was all I could get out. I not sure if her being here was a good or bad thing. It sounded bad.

 

“Can I have the room now, please. I think it’s best if I talk with her alone and let her know what’s going on. Thank you!” Bee said with authority that I have never heard from a Little before. Everyone cleared the room, the tall doctor was mumbling something about “When are we going to know what the fuck is going on.” if the Little heard it, she didn’t respond.

 

Now that it was just us, she took a little sized seat and moved it to the side of my bed and set down in it.

 

“Okay, as I said before, I am a mental health doctor. What I didn’t say before is that I work for the government. What I am about to tell you is not that secret, but we are not going to go public just yet since we currently don’t know all the facts Now, are you feeling up to understanding what happened to your friend and in turn, what happened to you? I am sure you have noticed by now, you are an unusual Amazon.”

 

I just nodded to her not really knowing what I could say. I am unusual for an Amazon, I like to piss and shit myself and I want someone to spank me. I was not sure how I feel about that now.

 

“A few years ago, the same time you were living in the city, strange things started happening that no one understood. Amazons started going crazy and snatching up Littles right off the streets. Even Middles and eventually other Amazons started being snatched. After you left the city, things got worse. Instead of it being just a few here and there and never in public, Amazons got to where they didn’t care who was watching. They’d snatch anyone that they could. At first it looked like the Amazons were taken at complete random. Later we learned it wasn’t random at all. Scientists discovered something that changed our entire history. What I am about to tell you right now is not known to the public and we would like to keep it that way for now. You will have to promise me you will not tell anyone until it has been released to the public. Can you do that for me?”

 

“I promise.” My throat was getting dry at this point and I reached over to my bedside table and grabbed some water to drink as she continued.

 

“Many years ago Amazon’s used to be Littles.”

[YourFNF]

23 minutes ago, Aries said:

 

Chapter 14

 

I woke up the next morning by the sound of the door opening, or at least I hoped

“I promise.” My throat was getting dry at this point and I reached over to my bedside table and grabbed some water to drink as she continued.

 

“Many years ago Amazon’s used to be Littles.”

(Que dramatic hamster) Well that is certainly interesting.

[Guilend]

7 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

(Que dramatic hamster) Well that is certainly interesting

there is way more to it then the last sentence, but I wanted something that was short, to the point and shock everyone. I bet no one saw that coming lol

[YourFNF]

15 minutes ago, Aries said:

there is way more to it then the last sentence, but I wanted something that was short, to the point and shock everyone. I bet no one saw that coming lol

I mean as someone who is a bio-undergrad  it makes sense that the these two similar species share a common ancestor, in my parallel it's baseline homo sapiens.

[Wannatripbaby]

You're really getting the hang of the art of the cliffhanger, Aries.

there were a few things that stuck out to me as strange, though:

Firstly Dr. Bee introducing herself as a Little. That's a bit strange. It's quite obvious to anyone in the room that she is a Little. It would be like me saying "Hi. My name is ****, and I am a man." That would get me quite a few weird looks. 

Secondly the "Tall Doctor" has the same colored text as Daria. I'd recommend you avoid using that color for anyone else. Since I saw it before I read it I was like "WHAT? Daria's here???" Until I actually read it and it sort of broke the flow because it took me out of the moment.