Audrey & Staycee - A Calibeen Story

[Sophie ♥]

Ohh that makes sense *nods* 

OH FINALLY PAGE TWO!  Gonna start posting Phase Four. <3

 

[Wannatripbaby]

 

Ohh that makes sense *nods* 

OH FINALLY PAGE TWO!  Gonna start posting Phase Four. <3

 

YIPPEE SKIPPEE!!!

[Sophie ♥]

PHASE FOUR

Part I: Mt. Calibeen Book Club

We were lead by the Headmistress through a small corridor and into another cafeteria bustling with girls, many of which resembled much older teens than the twelve year olds we emulated. Nobody looked up to notice us and there was no grandiose entrance. The Headmistress smiled and motioned to us. "Find a seat, girls. Breakfast is about to be served." And that was it? I guess room assignments would be given to us later?

My heart was racing as I took a seat next to Naomi and Staycee along the front wall of the cafeteria, next to the stage.  Everyone was dressed so… different - adult - the kind of way you'd go out in the real world.  And here we were, in childish dresses, looking more like Easter decorations than people in our blue and yellow and pink.  The superiority I had felt a moment before washed away entirely.  I wasn't in the same league as any of these girls.  It wasn't like the start of Phase One, Two, or Three.  We were alone.  We were at the bottom now.

The spectacle that would have been our attire in any real world situation wasn't really present in this group of would-be high-schoolers. I guess they were used to seeing Third's come up and join the ranks and I wondered for a moment just how well we'd be able to integrate; the tables were separated into what almost resembled cliques. In-fact, the whole situation reminded me all too much of high school, and I guess that made sense. The Headmistress had slipped away and I looked at Audrey with a smile showing confidence I didn't much have. "I think I want boobs, Audrey. What do you think?" I pursed my lips and hefted my diminutive chest up with a smile. Perfect breakfast topic.

"I think you get boobs here." I was only going off what I saw, and maybe it was the clothing that made them seem so much bigger, but the small nearly A cup breasts that the three of us sported paled in comparison to the rest of the room.  Some were very, very large, but it seemed the majority, and the smallest, was at least a B. "And you see that girl?  She has blue hair… is that allowed?" It was tastefully done, though; a very elegant long head of hair in a mild blue.  But it was something I'd never seen since arriving here.  It really was like high school, huh?

"Uh huh. The Fourth I spoke to told me that you get to really branch out into who you wanna be here. But I just want boobs." I bit my lip and smiled, leaning in and whispering into the smaller girl’s ear. "I think you should keep what you have, though. Don't wanna risk tainting your sex-doll-fantasy appeal." I grinned and pulled back. It was a little pervy of me, I knew, but I loved to watch her blush the way she was now and it made it worth the crassness. We both knew that whatever changes she decided to make to her diminutive form, I'd still love her all the same.

That reminded me… "Naomi… what about Lizz?" Lizz was Naomi's roommate, and up until last week they'd been together too.  But she just shrugged her shoulders. "You don't care that she's left behind?" "Not really… she'll catch up." "But what if you don't see her again?" She shrugged again.  It seemed a very uniform mindset throughout all the Thirds.  In the last few weeks whatever "togetherness" the roommates had between themselves diminished.  Maybe it was the facility covering its bases… but Staycee and I were still here.  Did they try to do the same with us?  

Naomi looked around the room and spied a free seat at one of the tables, happily introducing herself and taking a seat. Just like that, to a table full of strangers. I watched her with wide eyes and then looked at Audrey with disbelief. "Is that what we're s'posed to do? Just sit down with the others?" But the Headmistress wasn't anywhere to be found and I couldn't help but stare at Naomi. She was so bold! I, meanwhile, was happy just to sit with Audrey. But being social was probably very important.

They wouldn't laugh, would they?  No one laughed at Naomi.  I supposed finding a Third in here wasn't so outrageous, though I guess we weren't Thirds anymore.  So maybe… this was what we needed to do.  "Where do we sit, then?  There are like ten tables…" I hadn't counted - it was a rough estimate - but each tended to house their own personal brand of girls.  Some brands were so similar I couldn't tell them apart, but I was sure they were different.  What if we sat at the wrong table?

"That one." I motioned to a table with two seats next to one another, and then looked at Audrey as she gave me a questioning look. "Look, the one on the far side is reading a book and the others are all listening to her read. That's totes my scene." But I didn't know why it was. I was never the bookish type when I was a boy, and those quiet intellectual girls usually just bothered me. But for some reason I felt like we'd fit in there.

Staycee took my hand and pulled me from my seat, across the cafeteria.  They weren't dressed the way some of the others were - much more… conservative, maybe?  And two of them wore very large sweaters.  That in itself wasn't weird, but what was weird was that they were the same color.  I tugged Staycee's wrist just before we got to the table. "Do we keep our colors, here?" But she sat down a moment later and I was thrown into a new unknown: a table of strangers that was heavily metaphoric to my unanswered question.

"Hey!" That was the girl with the book. She slipped a pink ribbon between the pages and set it down, looking from one of us to the other and then to the group as a whole. "Who do we have here? I'm Jacinta. Welcome to the Mt. Calibeen Book Club." She was like a puppeteer wielding the attention of the other nine girls at the table, and that focus had shifted to us. "I'm Staycee. Ess-Tee-Ay-Why-See-Eee-Eee." It had been a long time since I'd spelled my name out for anybody, but I felt it pertinent, even in the diminutive voice that had crept its way into my mouth at the moment. I bit my lip and nudged Audrey softly, prompting her to introduce herself.

"Um… Audrey…" This wasn't my thing - walking up to a table and sitting down and having it be okay.  If it wasn't for Staycee, I might've stayed at that other table for months, alone.  And in that moment, I was particularly thankful for her.  I took her hand under the table and bit nervously at the tip of my other thumb.  I never could shake the habit, no matter how many times Rochelle tried to push the issue.

"Well hey, Audrey and Staycee. I'm currently reading Catcher in the Rye. Its a thing we do at meal times; usually I wind up getting through a chapter before food and one after. We've done quite a few books, haven't we girls?" There was a little choir of agreement and I smiled, looking at Audrey and then back at Jacinta. She was maybe my height, blonde hair and purple glasses with checker patterns on the arms, the freckles across her face were adorable and her yellow sweater contained a set of breasts that had to be in the range of a C cup.  She was geeky, but she carried it wonderfully well. And she was clearly a Mother Hen figure to those who sat here.

Staycee and I didn't interrupt Jacinta again that lunch.  She didn't make it through a chapter, though, by the time meal service came.  I'd read Catcher in the Rye before, though I remembered very little of it between then and now.  Food in Phase Four was very similar to food in Phase Three.  For breakfast, different entrees would come out and we'd each have a plate to fill.  Certain things were different, though - firstly, Fourth's brought out the meals instead of servers.  And secondly, things seemed to have migrated a little bit more from finger foods like burgers to pasta and salad, which required utensils.  And nothing still made me feel stranger than the clothes everyone wore.  There was so much going on...

Towards the end of the meal service, an orderly came to our table and to Naomi's and set little sealed envelopes down in front of each of us. I looked at the little red paper in anticipation and then at Audrey. Jacinta watched the two of us expectantly and then piped up, rolling her eyes. "Well come on, kids, open them up." I nodded and slipped my finger under the corner of my envelope, watching as Audrey did the same. There were a set of index cards; the first one had my name, and then a room number which I presumed to be our dorm room. The next card was a swatch of my color and the word 'Bisexual' listed.

"I… um…" Way to be nondescript, Mt. Calibeen. "What…?" I flipped through a few more cards, but what few made sense to me only confused me more.  I put the one with my name down on the table - simple.  Audrey Nicholls.  488.  "That's our room?" Staycee's said 'Staycee Harper. 488.'  I could only assume.  Then I took out the one with the swatch of color and the word 'Gay' on it and put it down as well. "That's my color… right?" The rest of the girls at the table watched as Staycee and I tried to sort through the index cards.

It surprised me that Audrey's said gay, while mine read bisexual, but I guessed it was better than mine saying straight. Jacinta perked up, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose as she peered over at Audrey's card. "Gay? Didn't you just arrive?" I didn't understand the implication, but Jacinta explained it anyway. "Most all Third's come in to Fourth as Bisexual. Like. 90%. And the other 10% are like 90% Straight and that's usually because they messed up in an earlier phase and being deprived of girls is a punishment." I didn't really follow, but I understood that particular angle. "I haven't seen a single girl come in from Third who got the Gay marker. I guess you're special!"

"Oh…" I held up the little card, the font unfamiliar.  It was clearly typed out on a computer, though.  The back was blank, as were the backs of every other card. "So… what do they mean?  I mean… is it part of the program?  Or is it just… a speculation?" I was gay.  I mean, I like Staycee, and we were both girls.  And we'd both even been born boys.  I was as gay as anyone could be, I was sure.  But being different… that I didn't like.

"It's sort of like a character card in Dungeons & Dragons. Did you ever play that? I played it a lot in my tom-boy phase." With how comfortably Jacinta fit into the geek-chic role, I wasn't at all surprised. "The index card outlines the state of who you are at this very moment. And being in Fourth is like a game; as the game goes on, you get to modify your stats." It was still surreal to me to be able to think about a girl like Jacinta in an attractive way; I mean, I guess I always could but now there wasn't a 'pity I only like boys' attached to the end of my thoughts. Not that I wanted her. Not that I was even looking; I only had eyes for Audrey. Still, it was nice to know I could look.

It seemed lost on the audience, really.  Maybe people like Jacinta understood the references, or maybe she was only trying to make sense out of a senseless system.  I tried not to think about it.  I put the 'Gay' and color card face down and returned to the remaining.  Measurements and weight.  They'd been taken every week in Phase Three.  “34A.  158 lbs.  36".  I decided to keep that card to myself.  

I began to shuffle through the cards, looking at the rules one by one and shaking my head.  "Rule 4.  All Fourth's must attend Confession every day.  No exceptions." My gaze shifted to Audrey in disbelief. "Confession? Like, church?" "Like church in that you confess the sinful things you've done, but not at all like church in that you're not repenting." That came from a girl who sat by Jacinta with a head of mousy brown hair and a voice as sweet as honey; like she could tell you that everybody on earth had died and you'd just smile. "It's not so bad; the rules are rules and they're pretty easy to follow. Then there're currencies. Three of them, for the three categories of classes available. Kinda like college credits, you need to earn a certain amount of each of them before you can graduate. Thing is, you can also 'spend' them and that'll mean you need to earn more." "What do you spend them on?" "It depends on the currency. But you can use Liberation Chips to get bigger boobs, which is something we all pretty much do." Rules. Credits. Boobs. How overwhelming.

I read through all ten rule cards.  A lot of them were obvious, like 'Hypnosis sessions each day remain mandatory' and some of them were less so, like 'Phase Four punishments do not exist.  Any correction-worthy behavior will result in demotion to a previous Phase.'  I gulped and looked up at the table and started to bite my thumb again.  I did my best not to suck on it, but it was hard. "It doesn't say anything about currency in the rules…"

"Yeah, the currencies aren't really a rule thing,” Jacinta said. “They're a measurement of progress. Somebody did the math once and figured you could be out of Fourth in three weeks and one day if you take the right class balance and didn't spend anything. But who wants to leave here without getting everything you can out of it? I had my boobs done, and my bottom, though I didn't get the snip." "I did." One of the other girls raised her hand and smiled, and a few others nodded. "It's about what you want, who you wanna be. This is your body for life, you know? I'm actually done with my body, I'm just saving up now to graduate." I frowned and shook my head. "Isn't this all just pointless shallow stuff?" Jacinta spoke up again. "Well, look at your body. Aren't there things you'd want changed? Like bigger boobs? You can't tell me you can sit at our table right now and not be self conscious." Well, I had been managing that just fine. Thanks, Jacinta. I frowned and looked down, then quickly back up. "So… the more you want changed, the longer you'll be here?"

Well that was stupid.  I wasn't going to be here any longer than I had to!  Everything I wanted was right here beside me.  Though, I supposed, my getting out was entirely contingent on Staycee getting out as well.  And she wanted her boobs done.  I frowned and read through the rule cards again.  I didn't like Phase Four; there were too many possibilities. "So… how do we get currency?" I was much less excited about what we could get for it.  But to be out of here in three weeks?  That sounded amazing.

"There's different classes," the girl with the honey-smooth voice offered up, helpfully. "Education, Domestication and Liberation. And each has its own currency that you can spend on things." Jacinta elaborated beyond that. "Like, Education chips can be used for stuff that affects your mind, Liberation chips are used for stuff that affects your body and Domestication Chips can be used to purchase clothes and stuff; which is really good if you want to build stuff up in your color."

I perked up at the last remark - my color.  I looked at the 'gay' card again with my color swatch - the most brilliant blue I'd ever seen.  I was tingly all over.  I could get clothes made in my color… "And if… if I buy something here, with those domestic things, I get to take them with me when I leave?" To build a wardrobe here in my color that I could take anywhere in the world… it was like a dream come true.  I couldn't help the smile that followed.

"Yes. And they're very nice clothing, too. Very high quality." "And if you get a body modification, any clothes that you purchased earlier get replaced in the new sizing." As great as it sounded, I thought about the other options, too. I'd have liked bigger breasts, and the idea of some clothes in my yellow... "What did you say about Liberation chips?” I asked Jacinta. "You can use them for things like instilling habits of quirks into your personality, or taking them away. Changing sexuality. Fetishes. Preferences. You know." Snow interjected, "The top-tier cash-out for Liberation chips is the complete removal of the memory of being here. The description in the handbook says you leave here completely unaware that you were ever not a girl."

Wow.  Really, wow.  I mean, I could see how useful that would be: leaving here under the assumption you were always a girl, not remembering the thing that put you in this facility in the first place, and not remember the humiliation suffered.  It was an intoxicating offer, and if it wasn't for Staycee, I might have even taken it.  I looked down at the cards in my hand and bit my lip.  This was complicated. "So where… do we get a list of things we can have and how to get them?"

The girls looked around at one another, thoughtfully, though nobody seemed to have an answer that they could piece together. "I got my handbook during one of my classes,” Jacinta started. "Mine was on my bed." That was Snow. "I had one of the facilitators give me mine in the hallway,” the girl with the sugary sweet voice spoke up. "Handbook?" Jacinta, like always, explained. "It's like a College course guidebook. It's pretty thick and has an outline of all the classes, the rewards, progression and the like." I looked at Audrey, my head spinning with all this information, and for a moment I craved the control of the earlier phases. I knew so much but so little, and all I was certain of was that I needed a copy of that book.

It wasn't until Staycee and I were in the hallway outside the cafeteria - the whole place looking a lot more high school and a lot less hospital - that I remarked about the book. "It's probably a random thing.  Like.  They have to give it to us soon or we wouldn't know where to go, right?" I stopped outside the door that read '488' and looked at Staycee with a bit of concern. "I'm torn, Staycee.  I want out of here.  I want to start a life with you.  But your boobs… my color…"

"Plus your thumb-sucking. I mean, they said you can get rid of habits, right?" I found it endearing, but I knew from the look in Audrey's eyes every time she realized she was sucking her thumb that she disliked it to a large degree. "Without an idea of the relative scale and cost of everything, it's hard to be objective about what we want, and how long that'll take. It's doing my head in just thinking about it."

"Yeah, you're right…" No matter how much we resisted, standing outside our room wouldn't quell our fears.  So I opened the door.  Fourth's rooms were… strange.  They lacked a lot of basic color, and even the bed in the side of the room was simple.  No canopy, no colorful pillows.  Just a normal bed.  It almost looked… too adult for me.  The vanity, though, had been significantly improved from Third territory - it was now big enough to sit us both and was positioned along an entire wall.  The dressers had a ton of drawers - so contradicting to the closet-life we'd lived as Thirds with only our accessories in drawers.  But no blue, and no yellow.  And I felt my heart sink.

"It's like… a college dorm room." I didn't mean in terms of relative size, or layout or any other quality in fact - and she knew that, as well. I was referring, of course, to the complete lack of character. The lack of anything that defined it as our own. I let go of my Audrey's hand and started to open drawers, finding each and every one of them empty. What the hell?! "There's nothing here. No clothes. No makeup. No anything… is this the right room?"

I fished the card from my dress pocket - the only thing left in my life in my color - and matched the number to the door.  488.  I felt like crying and immediately slipped my thumb into my mouth.  There was nothing.  This was what my life was now.  A series of nothing.  Even the blanket on the bed - just one, and two pillows - were a dull white.  I felt my body quiver, unable to make sense of this. "I don't like this.  I just want my old room again…" Even three weeks here would seem like years…

"Come on, be strong. We can do this. All the humiliations are behind us; this is our chance to grow. Now, we had breakfast, right? Let's be logical and think about this. We need to find a class list, or at least a class where we can ask a teacher. We'll earn some of those um… Domestication chips, and soon we'll be dressed in pretty blue and yellow again. And proper, adult clothes, too. Can you picture that?" Imagining myself as anything but a child had seemed impossible for so long now, and the idea of growing up was actually very terrifying to me.

I looked down at my feet and bit my thumb, nodding my head softly.  This was what growing up was.  This was moving out of your parents’ house into your own place.  New.  Scary.  Everyone else likely had their own roommate to bunk with, someone who knew this place, someone who had decorated their room.  Not us, though.  We were alone.  I took a deep breath and my thumb from my mouth. "Okay, I guess… we go to class now.  But… we don't know where classes are."

"Well, let's just show up to a class and sit down and see what happens. Worst they can do is send us away, and then we'll find another class." There was a particular infallible smile of brilliance I wore when I was trying to use my confidence levels to bolster Audrey in times of need, and she looked up into my sparkling blue-within-blue eyes and smiled just a little, holding out her hand for me to take. "Come on. Let's go earn some chips."

Everything seemed to have a degree of order and that made me much happier to know.  Dorms all belonged on one side of the floor and classes were down a different hallway.  I followed behind Staycee, still clad in our blue and yellow jumper dresses, and stopped once we reached the classroom area.  She picked a door - 1404 - and I shrugged.  As good as any, I supposed.  With a click of the handle, the door opened, and hand in hand, Staycee led me to two adjacent seats in the back.  It didn't look like class had started, though.

One thing we came to learn was that there seemed to be a great deal more girls in Fourth at any given time; this class alone had to have twenty-five people in it, and that was without the addition of us. In previous phases it was more like ten to a class, maximum. I leaned over to the girl to my left and spoke quietly. "Excuse me. Which class is this?" "Classic and Contemporary Roles of Men and Women. It's an entry-level Domestication class." Domestication? So this would earn us credits for… oh! Buying clothes. I looked at Audrey to see if she'd clicked into it, too, and the faint smile on her face indicated that she had.

Classic and Contemporary Roles of Men and Women?  I did my best not to read into that too much.  It didn't matter, anyway - if we really got currency for being in here, it meant Staycee and I could buy some new clothes and change out of these clearly-Phase-Three outfits.  I didn't want to stand out nearly as much as some of the other girls did, like the one two seats up with more eyeliner than a panda bear.  I just wanted to get my clothes - clothes I liked - and get the hell out of here.

It was a man who came to the front of the class and smiled, introducing himself as Mr. Preston; though we could just call him Sir. It seemed to be more a lecture than a practical class; he talked endlessly about the 'traditional gender roles' and how they could aide us when integrating into our new lives. We didn't want to be tomboys, he reminded; we wanted to be as far from that notion as possible. Pretty. Proper. Quiet and demure. It almost made me gag to listen to it; he sounded dreadfully trite. That was until about twenty minutes in when the topic shifted to etiquette to adhere to when 'sexually appreciating your man'. I leaned over to Audrey and whispered quiet as could be. "…what the hell is this?"

I shrugged my shoulders and looked through the cards again.  Gay.  Gay, gay, gay.  Did they take things like this into consideration when they make these class outlines?  Then again, my girlfriend had been a boy, and that meant she had boy parts, too.  I bit my lip and watched as he showed different slides of slightly erotic sexual acts.  Maybe this appealed more to me than I thought.  If it meant I could please Staycee…

The whole thing reeked of sexist crap to me, but the more he talked about pleasuring a boy, the more focused I became. Audrey wasn't a boy, but I could pleasure her like one and by the time the class was drawing to a close I had a head swimming with erotic thoughts about the girl next to me, a rising lump in my panties that I was sure wouldn’t be visible through my little jumper dress, and a new appreciation for the delights I could bring. Wow. Just before things came to an end, the man started to mark off the roll. Each of the girls answered in turn until only we were left and he smiled. "You two, come up here. I'll sign you off for attendance. Everybody else may leave."

The rest of the girls filed out of the room and I flattened my dress before standing, walking awkwardly toward the front of the room with slightly red cheeks.  I didn't know there was an attendance roster.  Staycee followed me, just a step behind, and I mumbled quietly. "I'm sorry.  We're new.  Didn't really know where to go…"

"Quite alright, I assure you. Names?" "I'm Staycee, and she's Audrey." The man smiled, little crinkles at the corners of his eyes squeezing in closely. "Ah, yes. You arrived in Fourth just this morning, correct? Well, congratulations; you've earned your first ten Domestication chips." He reached under the desk and pulled out a large pad; the top page covered in check-boxes and descriptions. He tore off that one, and then the identical one beneath, and handed them to each of us. "These are Domestication chip requisition forms. You fill them out and put them in the envelope in the morning. Hurry along now, you don't want to miss your next class."

"Um.  We don't know what our next class is.  Or what any of our classes are.  We don't have any books or anything, so we're not sure where to go…" I looked at the little page in my hand.  It seemed pretty similar to a token economy, really, and those had the tendency to work.  Still, I wasn't sure how many ten chips really was - Staycee and I were yet to receive a way to measure our earnings.

"You'll attend whichever classes you like. Have you not received your course book yet?" I shook my head and the man smiled understandingly. "In time, children. In time. Now if you'll excuse me, the next class is starting to arrive. Hurry along now." So that was it? We were left with nothing more than the knowledge we'd earned ten credits, and a requisition form? As we hurried out of the room and found a secluded place in the hall, I decided to finally look at the form in greater detail.

"This seems kind of stupid." I held the slip of paper in my hand and flipped it over.  It had nothing but a few checkboxes and a signature, no different than a prescription, really. "We should get to class, though.  Maybe find one of the other types." But it wasn't helpful not knowing which door to enter.  It was like a game of roulette for a prize we didn't understand.  But all the points would matter, in the end, and it was naive to skip a class.

"You're right. That class got weird toward the end, though it was um… educational." I blushed a little as I spoke, and quickly changed the subject. "I say… this door!" I opened the door and we sat near the back again; this time there was a younger woman at the front explaining… introduction to calculus. I blinked and looked at Audrey, whispering. "Did we just walk into an actual school?"

Math was never a strong subject of mine, especially because I hadn't gotten past the tenth grade.  I knew I'd been in this facility a lot longer than Staycee knew, but I couldn't tell her that.  And now I was an adult.  Now I could never go back to school, never get the education I wanted.  But still, no matter how much I listened, I simply couldn't understand.  Everyone else etched away at notebooks and I sat there blankly.  We didn't even have notebooks…

"We get chips just for attending, so I figure we'll sit in on classes, get our names checked off, earn chips and then when we get our handbooks we'll actually make plans on what classes to take." I'd noticed the blank expression on her face, bordering on gaunt anxiety and smiled. "If you do wanna do calc, I'm sure there's pre-calc classes too."

But things were not as simple as we'd thought.  Near the end of the session - or what I assumed to be the end of the session - we were handed out a test for what we'd learned that day.  Staycee and I didn't even have pencils.  Still, we made no motion to interrupt and the tests returned to the teacher fifteen minutes later, completely blank.  I put my head down on the table until the rest of the class left and she called us to the front of the room.

"I presume that you both are new here, ladies." She'd laid out the two tests on her desk with her arms crossed. "Not even a single attempt to answer a question? Not one guess, between the two of you?" "We… didn't have pencils, Miss." "Ma'am. And that's no excuse. You can get a hundred pencils for two Domestication chips. You'll receive zero Education chips for this. Off with you both." I honestly couldn't believe how abrasive she'd been, how direct and rude and… high-school-teacher. Ugh. I'd done my stint in high-school already!

"This is so unfair!  We don't know any of this!" It wasn't until Staycee and I had left the classroom that I'd said this, though.  I should have yelled at the teacher.  But the rule card kept me in line - the one about punishments sending you back to the other Phases.  I shivered at the thought.  I was so close… "We didn't even get a handbook.  We don't know what these doors mean.  This is stupid… we just wasted a class!" I put my head on Staycee's shoulder as we walked hand in hand.  Phase Four should have been my favorite so far, and I was starting to detest it as badly as the first.

"Well, you heard what the others said - they seemed to get their guidebooks at random times. And we have double the chance 'cause there's two of us and only one of us needs to get their book and we can both use it. So there's that." Optimistic. Perky. Peppy. It wasn't always something I felt, but faking it could quickly help to make Audrey feel better about a situation. Admittedly though, it sucked. I hated losing a class, too! "When we get out of here, we're never going to be apart, right Audrey? So if it takes a big longer to get out of here, that's okay. Because we have one another."

I nodded quietly as we walked back toward our room.  It seemed that was the general direction of the student body anyway.  It was so much more like high school.  In Phases One and Two, times were almost meticulously planned so you barely ran into anyone.  And while Phase Three had more social interactions, it was nothing like this.  We almost had to push through to get around the corner to the rooms.  I felt so out of place in my childish dress, holding my girlfriend's hand. "Are classes over or something…?"

"Well, two classes and then lunch time; I guess that makes sense. I bet there's two classes after that, too. Which means four classes per day, and we got ten points for that first class we went to - the one about… you know, that stuff." About how to effectively pleasure and respect a penis. No point dancing around what it truly was. "Come on, maybe we can find Jacinta again and ask if we can use her guidebook? That would at least give us direction for after lunch."

Finding Jacinta wasn't difficult.  It seemed the tables and cliques were pretty well respected.  Staycee and I sat down across from Jacinta, four others on each side of us.  I put my head down on my hands and looked solemn.  This day sucked. "We still don't have our books.  And we got yelled at for not having pencils in a class we didn't even know what it was!" I sighed and put my forehead down instead, blocking all the others from my vision.

"Oh, yeah. That's a thing." Jacinta shot us an apologetic look and smiled thoughtfully, trying to figure out the best course of action. "You can borrow mine,” a girl spoke up to my left. “I mean, to look at." "Plus Snow always carries hers around." "Hey now, that's not true…" The quiet girl frowned, but let it slip back into a smile by the time she reached under the table and produced the book, setting it down. It was hard-cover, leather-bound, Mt. Calibeen emblazoned on the front. And it had to be two inches thick. "Holy crap…"

That's a handbook?!  No way.  Snow slid the book across the table and Staycee pulled in toward us.  It was pretty important-looking.  Staycee did the honors of opening the book to the first page, written in dark ink read 'Any property damage to this book will result in one's inability to leave the facility.' Woah.  Serious.  I noticed Staycee's hesitance and care in turning the next page.  It looked like the first twenty or so pages were an introduction of sorts, an explanation of things we'd only just learned about.  The currencies, the spending, the classes, hierarchies, statistics.  My head was spinning. "To leave the facility, one must have 1,000 credits in all three categories… three thousand?!" And we only had ten…

"You can do successive classes. Like, introduction to Psychology is 10 chip, but if you do it three days in a row you can move up to Intermediate Psychology, which is worth 20 chips." "Education chips, that is." "Oh, yeah - the three currencies aren't interchangeable, but you can make up your schedule with whatever classes you prefer. " "I needed 950 Liberation Chips for my…" Snow smiled coyly and nodded down to her lap with slightly pink cheeks. Jacinta continued. "There's the catalog in the back, of all the things you can buy with each credit type, and their catalog numbers which you put on a requisition form." "I don't know about this body changing stuff… don't breast implants feel not as good?" Obviously it was clear where my priorities were. "They're not really implants." "It's more a chemical thing, they induce the tissue to grow rapidly. It's why this stuff is important now because you can never get results as good outside of here."

I flipped to the back of the book, looking under the Liberation section.  There wasn't much, but what was there was very expensive.  At the bottom of the list was the very obvious sexual reassignment.  Everything had a simple one-sentence description.  Under 'Breast Augmentation' it explained in more depth the chemical growth rather than implants.  Each cup size costs 250 Liberation Credits.  I looked down at my boobs with resigned concern.  This would take forever… "Then how do people get out of here in three weeks?  That doesn't seem possible…"

"There's a sheet of paper going around under the tables, and it shows the classes you have to do and the order to get out of here in three weeks. But I mean, it's hardcore stuff. Especially Liberation." The girls all wore a similar shade of blush, and Snow was the one who spoke of that. "It was worth it." "What do you mean?" "Well..." Jacinta smiled as food started to arrive; large plates of food brought to each table of varying types of cuisine, before continuing. "In Education, there are classes you have to work up to, and each is worth more points. But in Domestication and Liberation, you can jump straight into the Master Class - which is worth 50 points per passing mark." "Getting a passing mark isn't easy." Snow remained quiet, her cheeks burning red; she'd obviously had some experience in the Liberation Master Class.

I flipped through the book, ignoring the plates of food.  I was hungry, yeah, but I also didn't want to miss an opportunity to check out this book while I had it.  Who knew when ours would come? "Okay, here we go.  Education Master Classes." There were eight, all in different educational levels.  Advanced Calculus was one of them.  50 points.  I flipped to the next page.  Liberation Master Classes.  Just one. "Dedication and Obedience in Sexuality?" I looked up at the table in confusion.

Nobody said anything at first - they'd all had their crack at that particular class and only Snow had gone back for more. Quiet, polite, obedient Snow. "Snow knows a bit about that class." The girl’s cheeks flushed deeper red and she looked down at her hands. "It's not as bad as you guys all make it out to be…" It honestly sounded as though she were working against hope to convince herself of this point, though.

I felt a little shiver up on my arms, goosebumps rising in anticipation.  It was like a ghost story - something everyone knew about, and no one talked about.  I leaned in and took a spoonful of fettuccine and lumped it on my plate. "What is it?  I mean, it's twice as many points as anything else in Liberation…" If Staycee and I didn't take that particular class, we'd be here a six week minimum.  And if I was getting that surgery, it meant we'd be here twelve weeks!  That was the full three months…

"It's really not proper to talk about this stuff…" "You get fucked." Snow winced and looked away as Jacinta spoke. "Boys come in, and they fuck you. And they use you. And they objectify you and degrade you. And you like it. One of the passing requirements is to like it, is to be grateful and proper and appreciative." I opened my mouth in disbelief and looked at Audrey, eyes wide. Snow finally spoke up, defending herself. "It's not… I mean… they're usually nice guys. They're just trying to help us learn hierarchy. Obedience, submission."

"Oh…" I bit my lip and looked down into my lap.  That explained a lot.  Suddenly, I wasn't so interested in eating.  I pushed the plate of noodles away and went back to the book.  Sexual Variation and Experimentation was the second biggest payout - 25.  I read the description below, titled a 'demonstration' class.  The Master Class was a 'performance' class.  I winced.  This was too much…

"Do you mind if we borrow this?" Snow shook her head quietly, her blush never really fading, and so I took it in one hand and took Audrey by the other, leading her out of the cafeteria and not stopping until we reached our room, as if the closed door would protect us from the inevitable fate. I set the book down and took a breath. "I want to talk to you. About this stuff. About us. And this."

I looked at the book on the vanity and sat down on the edge of our bed.  It was soft - at least there was that.  I put the tip of my thumb in my mouth and pulled my knees up to my chest. "I gotta do it…" I knew she'd disapprove, but she needed to understand. "That surgery is 950 credits.  And a cup size is 250.  And graduating is 1,000.  If I did all that, and maybe more, if that's what I wanted, it would take… months.  You don't have to.  I don't want you to.  But I want to leave at the same time as you."

I took a seat on the edge of the bed next to her and sighed, looking down. "I know when we first met, in Third, surgery was something super important to you. You wouldn't even let me see you naked for fear that I wouldn't see you as a girl, remember?" It seemed so long ago now. "Things have changed a bit since then, though, haven't they? I mean, is this something you still feel you need? The surgery thing? I support you entirely either way; I do. I see you as a girl and I love you regardless. That class just sounds… horrific. And if we were only going for breasts, we could do the lesser classes - together - and that would be the extent of it. But I want you to be happy." There was a knock at the door and I sighed, getting up to answer it.

A lot of the girls here, it seemed, were pretty okay with their bodies as far as I could tell.  Staycee was one of those girls.  But me… I was a lot more like Snow: willing to do anything if it meant being a real girl.  Leaving my old life behind and starting over.  A normal girl.  One without fear of anyone finding out where I'd been, why I'd been there.  And if Staycee and I ever broke up… "Hi Jacinta…" It wasn't a surprise she knew where we were - the numbers on our cards had been displayed for the table.

"Hey." She never had any sense of urgency in her voice, and when she explained why she was here it was pretty obvious why it was her - she was Mother-Hen to the group. "Can I get that book back? Snow shouldn't have let you borrow it. She just can't say no. It's a product of that class; it teaches you to be submissive." I bit my lip and looked at Audrey as I picked up the book, then back at Jacinta. "Was she different before?" "Oh sure, yeah. She was bubbly and outgoing and confident, always had her opinion to offer. Now she just sits there and smiles, listening, and never says no. I worry about her in the real world, getting taken advantage of, you know?"

I watched our book be taken away - our only hope of what was what in this crazy place.  And we didn't even know what classes to go to next. "Jacinta… what happens now?  After lunch?  More classes?" She shook her head, though, looking at the cover of the book.  I hadn't gotten that far. "There's one more class before Hypno.  Hypno here isn't like Hypno in the other Phases, though.  It's a group thing.  Too many people in Phase Four, I guess.  Or not enough time in the day.  I don't really know.  And after that, Confession.  And then nothing until bed.  There's a few recreational rooms at the end of the boarding hall, though."

"Group Hypno?" I only vaguely understood the basics of Hypno in earlier phases, and didn't really know how they'd apply that to a group. And Confession scared me. "Where do we go, then?" Jacinta smiled and shrugged. "I'm going to my Liberation class right now - Feminine Body Appreciation. It's not too bad a class, and it's worth 15 points. Wanna come?" Well, how bad could a class like that be?

I followed behind Jacinta and Staycee as we left the room, our conversation unfinished.  I'd have to look more into this Obedience class when we got our book - for now, I didn't even know where to go. "So this class… isn't one of the ones that requires classes before it?" "Nah, it's mostly just education that does that.  And a few in Domestication, like sewing." Fifteen points was a lot.  Not a lot in the grand scheme of things, but it was only ten points away from the second highest class in that spectrum.  

"So why would you do the classes worth less at all?" "Well, to get a passing mark in the Master Class, you need to have all your skills finely developed. And some of those skills you learn in earlier classes. This class is pretty fun, though, even the home-work. I've been doing this one for a week now." A Liberation class with homework? I didn't really understand that. Audrey was thoughtful. I knew what she was thinking about, too, and the idea of a bunch of random boys fucking my Audrey… of her bright spark being extinguished and replaced with the quiet submission of Snow just made me feel… ill.

I didn't like the idea of homework, but I didn't like the idea of walking into a Master Class without a pencil, either.  So Staycee and I followed Jacinta into the classroom.  Other girls had already filed in and more came in behind us.  The only series of three chairs was at a table in the middle, so we took our seats.  Feminine Body Appreciation.  I wasn't really sure what this one had in store for me.  It seemed most of the Liberation classes were related to sex, though, and it was an interest I barely had.  With the exception of one situation - a situation I couldn't let happen until I got some new underwear.

"Girls. Welcome. Do we have any newcomers today?" The woman at the front of the class was young, bubbly, a bright smile and legs that screamed for attention from within their fishnet embrace. She looked around briefly, and noticed both Audrey and I, then smiled. "Come on down, ladies. What are your names?" "I'm Staycee. This is Audrey." "Fantastic. Nice to meet you. Staycee, was it? Would you lay up on the table here?" I nodded softly, and she shook her head quickly as I sat up on the edge. "Clothes off first, please." What?! "Don't stall, missy. Off with your clothes, lay up on the table."

"Um…" I wanted to speak up, but I was mildly mortified.  They were making her undress?  In front of everyone?  I shook my head in disbelief and scooted one chair down so I was sitting beside Jacinta. "What is she doing?  Why does Staycee have to undress?" To her underwear, right?  Oh, and we were both wearing Third undies - only barely more adult than the diapers six months ago.  I felt my cheeks take color and covered my face with my hands.

I bit my lip and looked at the gathering of girls - there were a lot more people in this class than I thought there'd be, and they all crowded around in a gathered circled; watching me as I closed my eyes and stripped down to my panties. My barely-even panties - they were padded trainers and not at all resembling anything adult. "Ah. New arrivals? Girls. It's important to not make light of a lady's attire; she may be shy, or self-conscious, or just like the look. She may have bladder issues, or she may have other reasons. Your job is to make her feel sexy. How would you do that, anybody?" A hand shot up in the circle, and a taller girl spoke. "Staycee, you've got this air of innocence that I find really attractive; like you're this forbidden fruit and I want to be the first to pick you." "Ah! Very good, Tamira. Very good. Anybody else. Audrey? How about you? Looking at this pretty girl before you, in her underwear, how would you make her feel sexy with your words?" This was humiliating; my cheeks were scarlet, my eyes unable to meet anyone’s gaze.

"I.. I don't know…" I'd only made Staycee feel sexy with my words once before, and it was a complete accident.  Every other instance of 'sexy' that the two of us had engaged in was physical.  While most of the class was either standing or crowding the girl in the front of the room, I stayed in my seat.  I couldn't even see Staycee below her bare chest, which was as full an A cup as mine.  I could imagine, though - while she was wearing her yellow trainers, I was wearing a pair of matching blue.  Honestly, I couldn't imagine what normal panties would feel like.

"Don't be shy now. Come on up here, stand by the table." I looked at Audrey with an apologetic expression and a few of the girls moved aside to give her a clear view. "What do you see? Think about her body, and think about the parts you find most attractive. Now figure out a way to compliment her and her juvenile underwear in a way that draws focus to those strengths." "Miss, do we-" "Quiet, honey. You'll get your turn. Just stand there and look cute."

Juvenile.  Oh, poor Staycee, on display like that.  I stood up, my eyes still on the floor, and stood next to the table for no other reason than I was told to.  15 points.  One compliment.  And she's your girlfriend!  You can do that.  Okay.  I took another glance up at Staycee in her yellow padded underwear and back down to the floor.  Just say what you like about them, Audrey. "Um… you look… um… the… underwear... those kind… really emphasize your… feminine qualities.  With the padding, you… um… don't have a bulge that… would normally distract from… um… your other features… like your very pretty face…" It was the primary reason I adored my trainers - even though I wasn't quite a girl down there, with the padding it was very hard to tell the difference.

"Ah! Very good. Very good." The teacher thought it was good - I was mortified. Audrey smiled, relieved that she'd performed well, and the teacher turned her attention to me. "Now, get those off." What?! "What?!" "I remind you that failure to comply is an instant failure for today’s class, Staycee." There had to be three dozen pairs of eyes on me and I looked to Audrey as if she'd actually be able to make me teleport away. She didn't though, and with my eyes squeezed closed I slipped my panties down my legs. "Good girl. Now, stand here where the class can see." You're somewhere else, Staycee. Anywhere else.

I stepped away from the table but the teacher grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back.  I was scarlet and I wasn't even the naked one!  I looked down to my feet with a horrid blush and refused to look up.  This was insane.  Why would Jacinta bring us here?  These classes were stupid!  I shook my head, barely noticeable and closed my eyes.  I wanted all this to go away for my Staycee.  I didn't want this anymore.

"Girls, as you can see; barring the penis, Staycee has a Type III body. Juvenile, under-developed. But even still, she has very nice hip structure, and developing breasts; and of course the same perfect skin you're all known for." It'll be over soon, it'll be over soon, it'll be over soon! "Suggest areas of appreciation, open floor." One hand raised, and the voice suggested. "With breasts like hers, they'll be very sensitive to the touch." Another raised. "Her collarbone is very well defined, kisses along there will make her toes curl." The teacher swelled with pride. And I swelled in a very very different way, squeezing my eyes tighter as I tried to will away the erection.

I said nothing.  I didn't open my eyes.  I didn't want to.  I couldn't do this.  I would have stepped away again, tried to find my seat, if it hadn't been for the teacher's hand lingering on my shoulder.  I couldn't even imagine where these girls got these kinds of thoughts.

"Lay down on the table, Staycee." I shuffled to the table and pulled myself up onto the edge, covering my penis and trying to preserve my modesty as best I could. "Now, Audrey, you're going to pleasure Staycee. Show the class how you pleasure a girl, and then we'll take suggestions and comments from the group." What?! WHAT?! I shook my head and opened my mouth to protest, but with the rapidly growing problem between my legs I didn't want to draw anymore attention to myself.

I was speechless.  She was joking, right?  I wasn't going to do that.  And certainly not in front of everyone!  Absolutely not!  What Staycee and I did was our own business.  Not the whole class.  So I shook my head.  But it didn't seem to go over well with the teacher who gave me a very stern look.  She really wasn't kidding… "I.. I'm not…" I shook my head over and over, taking a step away. "Nuh uh…"

"Very well, do I have a volunteer?" Six hands raised up, girls all eager to have a chance to play with my body and I looked at Audrey with a pleading sense of desperation. I didn't want anybody else to touch me! "Miss, I.." "One more word out of you, Staycee, and you'll be banned from this class. And trust me, there are much more difficult ways to earn 15 chips." This was one of the easy classes? I looked around for Jacinta, but couldn't single her out in the sea of faces.

"No!" I pouted my cheeks out and got in between my naked girlfriend and the rest of the group.  I wasn't a very active person, but I'd grown very protective of my Staycee since Phase Three.  She was mine.  No one else's.  I handed Staycee her underwear back and tried to help her off the table. "Come on.  This class is stupid anyway.  We don't need it."

"If you two leave, you'll be banned from this class for a week. And Miss Audrey, your profile card stipulates gay, does it not? You'll find there aren't very many classes in Liberation that allow you to carry out pleasure upon another girl. You'd do very well not to burn your bridges here." I bit my lip and held my little yellow training panties, looking at Audrey. I hated this. Hated the idea of having to do this. Hated Phase 4 so damn much already. But I also felt sick at the idea of a boy ever getting to have my Audrey.

"I.. I don't care…!" I huffed and shook my head, helping Staycee off the table and into her dress again.  My fingertips were quivering as the dress slipped down over her head.  I felt anxious at the idea of not being allowed back, but it was only a week.  I could focus on one of the other currencies if they didn't have any more Liberation classes I liked.  But I wouldn't come back here.  Doing that in front of everyone… how sick.

I bit my lip and the two of us left the classroom, Jacinta shaking her head softly as we did. My chest hurt and my head was pounding with the rushing of blood to my senses and I could feel my hands shaking. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're here and we're here and I'm sorry we didn't run away and I'm sorry this place is so dreadful…" Tears? Tears. This was one of the easier classes! I shuddered to think about what would happen in the others, in the 50 chip course that she was intent to do.

"It's whatever…" But it wasn't whatever.  I couldn't believe they did that to Staycee.  I shook my head in disbelief and lead her back toward our room, her hand in mine.  I wasn't sure where Hypno was, but that was next.  Not for at least an hour, though, if I was right about the class length.  I closed the door behind us and sat down on the bed beside Staycee. "There will be other Liberation classes.  One's that aren't so stupid.  Fifteen credits for something like that?  In front of everyone?" I shook my head in disgust.

"You heard what… what they said about the Master Class one. It'll be like that except it'll be you on a table and some guy… some ugly… gross… boy… having his way with you, while people watch…" I couldn't help it now; the occasional tear had become an undignified torrent of sobbing. I didn't want people to get to have Audrey, especially not boys! Boys were gross, and callous and coarse and she was soft and beautiful and too good for any of them. She was mine...

I shook my head with a little smile, holding her hands in mine. "You're over reacting.  No one said anything like that - you're just making things up in your head.  All we know is that I have to be obedient.  I bet it's not in front of anyone." But the idea of it being with strangers, people I didn't know, which it clearly was, really bothered me.  But what could they do?  Fuck me?  I could handle that.  Fifty points.  I could do it.  And once I had the surgery, I would be Staycee’s forever.

I didn't like this. I didn't. I wanted to run away, leave this place and never come back and never look back and never think about it ever again. Boobs weren't worth this, nothing was worth this. Not to me. I knew how much her body meant to Audrey, though. How much it meant to her to be perfect, to be a 'proper girl'. And I whispered, softly, "If you… think you won't be a girl until you have that surgery… does that mean you don't think I'm a girl if I don't get it?" My voice was small, barely mine. Barely there at all.

I shook my head and kissed her forehead, which was quite a feat for someone my height versus someone hers.  I looked down at her dress, wrinkled in the rush of replacing it over her body. "Everyone's different.  But I just… can't be this way.  I hate everything about me, Staycee.  And you're the first thing I don't hate.  After everything in my life, I just want to start over.  And this place… it lets me.  I know it's silly, but I like being a girl now.  I like being Audrey.  And I don't want any interferences.  And that's how I see my body.  An interference."

"I see your body as… as beautiful… no matter what you do with it." I smiled up through tears and tried to sniffle away the congestion in my nose. She was beautiful. "I want you to be happy with you are you." The sting of what was happening had faded a little, and the idea of the Master Class faded too, and left me with a little bit of clarity. "…what size boobs do you think I should have? It's easy for you; you're short and adorable. You just pick an adorable size. I don't know what a girl my size should have to be pretty, though…"

"I'm not sure.  I like your boobs." I put my head on Staycee's shoulder and looked at the vanity mirror.  The two of us really were something.  Even in Phase Four, we were clearly the most beautiful of the girls here, though none of the girls we had met so far could ever be construed as ever being boys.  My long dark blonde hair had fallen halfway down my back and Staycee's was kept short at her shoulders.  We really were a sight. "I'm sorry.  If you thought I was… selfish or something… for not doing that stuff in the classroom.  I really do like your body…"

"I know you do, and I'm really happy you didn't let anybody else do it… I don't want other people getting to touch my body. Or yours! That's a privilege that only each other get. Why don't people understand that?" I frowned a little and sighed, closing my eyes for just a moment. "Bet everybody wants to touch you… you're the most attractive girl here. In-fact, I bet this place has never had a prettier girl than you!"

I rolled my eyes and felt my cheeks heat up.  She really was a flatterer.  I leaned up and kissed her on the lips, my fingers running circles on the back of her hand. "Three classes.  Two failed.  Ten chips." I grabbed the slips of paper off the nightstand and looked them over.  Domestication.  "I really want new clothes, Staycee.  I'm tired of standing out like this."

"You're tired?! I had thirty girls see me in training panties. And the worst thing is… I hate being without them… because they're the only thing I have in my color…" I frowned a little and sighed. "I wonder what real panties feel like. I've never worn them before." Which should have been obvious, I s'pose; I was a boy before. But you know, it felt proper to point out.

"Probably not too different." The changes had been very granular.  In Phase One, the diapers were an oddity.  Abrupt.  But when Phase Two came and the comfort of diapers was replaced with pull-ups, the change was miniscule.  Granted, a lot was different, but there was no abruptness factor.  And when Phase Three started, we were given underwear, or we thought they were underwear.  In reality, the thickness of the cotton panties were much more similar to the pull-ups of Phase Two, only cloth and less absorbent. "Panties are probably just like these ones, but thinner.  We'll be fine."

"I hope we can get them in our colors." The exhaustion and fatigue of having cried was passing now, and I was starting to feel more myself. More the strong one. And I felt sheepish as hell over the fact that I'd gotten so worked up. "Sorry I'm a pain. I'm supposed to be the strong one." It was nice, though, for a time. To be held. To be cared for. And though I knew if she did that Master Class, I'd be the one holding her for a very long time… I was glad I had Audrey.

I thought back to the other girls at lunch and the other girls in all the classes.  No one had a universal color.  Some girls even wore the exact same shirt.  I didn't like that.  I looked down at my dress, the only thing left I had, those and my underwear, and then toward the empty closet. "I don't think we can get our colors, here…” Even despite what Jacinta had said, the uncertainty still loomed. “I just don't understand this.  I don't understand what Phase Four is.  One was about remaking us, and Two was about giving us responsibility.  Three was exploration and social stuff.  But Four…"

"Four is about sex." I didn't like to be so cynical, butt it was a realization that had come to me in that moment of clarity. "Learning about sex, experiencing sex, using sex to get enhancements to our bodies… which are then used to be more appealing for sex." I felt sick to my stomach. Sick beyond any level of sickness I'd ever felt. I'd once sold drugs to help boys find girls to have sex with, to make the unwilling more willing. And now, this...

I frowned and shook my head. "It's not about sex." But it could be.  It certainly seemed to steer everything in that direction.  Calculus wasn't about sex, though.  Maybe that was just the facility trying to fill the role of high school, since most of us were taken out of it.  And really, our first class wasn't about sex.  It was about… marriage.  That third one was about sex, though, for sure. "I don't know.  I just want to get our points and get out of here…"

"It's going to take a long time. For your body stuff, and for mine." Admittedly, I didn't need as much done as Audrey wanted for herself, but I was in no shortage of insecurities. "Where are we going to live after this? I mean, neither of us really wants to go home, right? I don't even know where this place is. I was brought here under sedation."

"The van I was in had no windows…" I frowned and opened the door, peering out into the vacant hallway. "We'll get jobs.  Maybe we can learn some math or science or something and go to college." Of course, we'd need to get the jobs, first.  And a place to live would be tricky.  I sighed and shook my head, trying to think of a way to use this to our advantage. "We learn everything we can.  Finance.  They have a class on that.  And we'll take sewing so we can make clothes.  And it'll be fine.  We'll be fine." But I wasn't so sure.

"When did you get so smart?" I smirked and wandered out into the hall, wondering where we were going next. Hypno, I figured, but we had no idea where that was. "I think I'd like to go to College. I want to educate people on how to avoid the sort of stuff I used to facilitate." It was a somber topic that we didn't much talk about, but it was something I spent more time thinking about than I should have.

"Uhhuh.  I wanna be a psychologist." Staycee looked at me a little strangely and I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know a lot about it, really, but they have intro classes here.  And one of the Masters courses is Psychology, too.  I could really learn a lot and get a ton of credits." But what Staycee didn't know was my reason.  I wanted to keep all the Catherines of the world safe, and mine most of all.

"You want to be a psychologist, and I want to work in Sexual Health. We're such a proactive little couple, aren't we?" We wandered down the hallway together, idly keeping an eye out for any signs of where Hypno might take place. "Wish we had a map, or you know, a guidebook." I huffed, puffing out my cheeks, and then cracked a little smile at Audrey. Right now things were okay.

The wandering didn't last long.  Students started to file out of the classrooms at the ring of a silent bell and we were stuck in the sea of girls.  It was weird to think of them as students, but this place had a way of making you think you really were in school.  Near the end of class hall was a very large group of double doors, and beyond that, each room seemed to file into different compartments.  Hypno rooms.  I peeked my head in one of the doors to find a series of ten chairs, all quickly filling with girls.  I fought against the crowd back into the lobby, where Staycee was waiting. "I guess we just pick a room?  There are lots of them, though…"

"How do we pick a room when we don't know what the Hypno does? We could be going into a room designed to turn us into chickens for all we know!" I puffed out my cheeks again and crossed my arms. I made the decision, though. I was the decision maker, and just because we were in a new environment now was no excuse. "That one. On the left. That room is the one we'll go to." If there was any sort of ascending order, the room on the left would be the entry level one, right?

Only four other students were present when we got in and I looked apprehensively at the collection of chairs.  Hypno was always something that bothered me, especially with what happened in Phase Three.  I just didn't like the idea of them putting new ideas in my head without me knowing.  I wish they'd give me a kind of change log - something that said "Audrey version 2.0.98 - Became more obedient.  Minor bug fixes." But it didn't work that way.  I took a seat only to have a taller man tap my shoulder. "Audrey, correct?" I nodded. "Come with me, please."

"Hey, hey, where are you going?" I stood up and the man looked at me with a little smile. "You can stay here, Miss." I shook my head and took Audrey's hand firmly in mine. "No. No! You don't get to take her away. We stay together. So if you want to take her, you gotta take me." I frowned and crossed my arms, making my defiant stand. It was probably a mistake.

"You'll be reminded that punishments in Phase Four are not lenient." My heart skipped a beat.  They'd send Staycee back to Phase Three!  No, no, no! "Staycee, it's fine.  Really, it's fine.  I'll be fine.  Stay here.  And when Hypno is over we'll meet back in our room, okay?  Don't get yourself in trouble." The man smiled and nodded. "Smart girl."

And just like that, the man disappeared with my Audrey, right out the door. I bit my lip and looked down at my feet for a personal eternity, and then took a seat with a sign of resignation. They took her. Anything could be happening right now. Anything at all. And I hated that. I hated being powerless, and I hated not knowing, and I hated this place. I just wanted to run away, run away with Audrey. Screw everything else.

[Wannatripbaby]

Woooo! That was probably a great chapter!

[Sophie ♥]

Part II: Confessions

It would have been a lie to say I wasn't anxious.  My breathing was erratic as the man took me down the hall by my hand.  We weren't in the classroom hall anymore and I grew increasingly worried.  Did I do something wrong?  Why was I singled out?  We finally entered an administration room, obvious by room number 'A411', and the man closed the door behind me. "Rochelle!" I nearly tackled the woman to the floor with the running hug.  It had only been two days since I'd last seen her, but it felt like so much longer.

"Hey there, Audrey. How are you holding up as a Fourth? Excited?" It was highly unusual for Rochelle to be doing Hypno for a Fourth; it was outside her usual area of operations and it was only through the previously made agreement that the exception had been made. "I'm going to be your Hypno-tech up until the day you graduate, so I hope you weren't planning on replacing me?" She smiled thoughtfully and looked at the girl. So much had happened to her, and she was still smiling.

"Being a Fourth sucks." I sighed and resigned to the chair in the center of the room.  Rochelle was the only thing that helped me through Hypno in my third Phase and I was beyond glad to see her continuing her job here in the fourth. "Apparently there's a book that helps everyone out and Staycee and I haven't gotten ours.  And I keep getting yelled at and this one teacher wanted someone to have sex with Staycee on a table!  Ugh.  I hate it here… and it doesn't help that I'm stuck in these clothes."

"Oh, you need a copy of the Guide? I'll arrange that. You also get to choose ten chips into any of the three schools for every Hypno Session you attend, so that's a perk. Pity you can't do Hypno more than once per day, right?" Part of the effectiveness of Mt. Calibeen was the process by which staff were appointed - each staff member knew only the procedures regarding their Phase. That Rochelle had been inducted into the training program for Phase Four for this single task was a unique oddity, and one that the Headmistress had carefully assessed the risk of. Rochelle wasn't a fan, but she kept herself quiet about it. "Anyway, Phase Four is different, but you know most girls really enjoy it. They see it as a reward for the other three Phases."

"I see it more like a punishment…" I sighed and shook my head, looking toward the closed door, where, down the hall and through two more doors, sat my Staycee, the one who had been objectified earlier that day.  I didn't mention any more of it, though - there was no point.  To leave meant getting through Phase Four. "Can I have my chips in the one that gets me more clothes, please?"

"Domestication? Sure. I'll get you a requisition form, too. Bet you're looking forward to being out of those childish clothes, huh?” She was trying to be professionally bright and cheerful the way that Rochelle typically did, but there was a sense of faint cynicism in her voice. She didn't like this. "Anyway, you know how this works. Upsies into the chair." The program she'd get today was what all Fourths were subjected to on Tuesdays; Acceptance of Your Sexuality and Sexual Feelings. It was designed to ease away inhibitions about sex, sexuality and the like. To make things that might have once been mortifying a little more… exciting. It actually worried Rochelle, knowing what she knew about Audrey and her wetness fixation.

I leaned back in the chair, putting my fingers on the arms and looking up at the headset.  It was familiar now, this process.  Still strange, still overwhelming, but familiar.  I let the headset fall over my eyes and Rochelle adjusted the panels so they faced my ears properly. "What's this gonna do?" I liked that about Rochelle - she never lied about this kind of thing, or if she did, I never knew about it.  And she always words things in such a way that doesn't scare me. "I don't really know anything about Fourth Hypno…"

"It's an acceptance program. It's designed to help you be more at ease with what goes on in Fourth. Embracing sexuality and the like." She didn't sound pleased when she spoke about it, though; she sounded very matter-of-fact on the topic. It clearly wasn't something that sat well with the young tech. "There are five programs that are ran for Fourths, and you get a different one each day but each week is the same. So Mondays is always the same. Make sense?"

"Uh huh…" I did get it.  I supposed Fourth wasn't nearly as varying as the other three phases.  It made sense, really - by now, they'd done everything they needed. "I don't mind this one.  The program.  I think it'll be helpful, especially with the things they make us do…" I thought back to Staycee on the table.  If I'd just followed the teacher's instructions, we'd be fifteen chips closer to leaving. "I only say so because you sound unsure.  I'm just telling you it's okay." I couldn't see her with the visor over my eyes, but her voice wasn't Rochelle's usual.

"I don't like this. Fourth, I mean." It was unprofessional of her to say so, and she wouldn't have confided that knowledge in anybody else; but Rochelle had a sort of kindred bond with the girl for reasons she wasn't quite sure of. They just clicked. The vulnerable smile, the oblivious optimism, and the truth of her plight - so far as Rochelle knew - all just made her feel very maternal. "We go to all this trouble to rebuild you as beautiful, innocent and lovely little girls, and then this phase just pushes all sorts of ideas on you about what some man in the 1960's thinks a girl should be." She sighed and shook her head, punching in the controls on her console and then starting the program before the girl could reply. It was a mistake to show dissent, especially to a student.

"I c…" The droning in my ears drowned out the sound of my voice and I forgot what I was saying.  The images flashed before my eyes.  I couldn't make anything out.  Nothing.  And the headset went dark, Rochelle lifting it off me.  I knew it had been at least an hour - my body was used to this - and still, it felt like only a second had passed.  I looked up with a confused look at the woman standing over me. "Was… I saying something…?"

The woman smiled and shook her head, her usual tone having returned. "I don't think so, no." It was heartbreaking to think about, though, that the next time this sweet young girl spoke of sex and her girlfriend, Staycee, she'd likely be blushing and divulging the sordid details of any given Liberation class. Still, Rochelle was professional, and getting involved this far into the girls development would do her no good at all. So she decided to ask a question. "Do you think you'll stay together? You and Staycee? I think I like you two together." Them being together at all was intended to be a discrete secret, but seeing them made it hard to overlook.

"Oh yeah.  For sure." I smiled warmly at the woman above me in the bright light.  I wasn't sure if the hypnotism had worked, but it worked every other time, right?  Still, I decided to keep my seat for a while longer and continue looking up at the woman. "I knew her before, and they erased my memory of her.  But I was in love with Staycee before this place.  That's how I know we'll last." I knew Rochelle knew about my past, about Staycee and I, about the memories taken away.  If she didn’t, my mentioning it would be in violation of the contract, but she didn’t seem in any way surprised.  It didn’t matter, though; I couldn't pinpoint when I'd known Staycee - only that I'd lost over a year of my life and I had known her before signing the contract into this facility.  Had we met here?  Or had we met before?  They were questions I'd signed away my right to ask.  But it was okay; I'd be safe with Staycee after all this was over.

"I suppose going through a place like this together really builds a bond. She doesn't know, though, does she? That you knew each other?" Rochelle knew bits and pieces, particularly some of the details regarding the girls non-disclosure agreement with the Headmistress, but it was hard to piece together a chronological order of events for all of this. "Just remember her, okay? No matter what happens in Fourth, no matter how good someone or something makes you feel... close your eyes and think about her. Always her." Fourth was designed to drive the girls apart from one another; but then again most girls had their pair-bonding removed during graduation to Fourth. So far as anybody knew, however, Audrey and Staycee had never been bonded, so that step was overlooked.

"Uh huh." I looked toward the door and back up at my Hypno tech.  She was the only real friend I had now, other than my girlfriend and a stray girl at a lunch table.  And after what happened in Liberation, she might not even let us sit there anymore.  I sighed and looked down at my fingers. "Do you… know anything about the Liberation Master Class?  I was thinking about doing it, but Staycee doesn't think I should…"

It sent a visible shiver up the woman’s spine and she shook her head quickly, looking away. "If I were in your position, I'd do a thousand ten credit Liberation classes before I did even once through the Master Class." It was one element of Phase Four that had made Rochelle almost consider tending her resignation; if not for her commitment to continue helping Audrey with her hypnosis, it might have actually gone down that way. It might still, she mused, thinking about her future here once the girl had graduated. "For some girls, the damage done by that class is worth it for a shortcut to the body they desire. But it changes you so much more than Hypnosis ever could."

I bit my lip and shook my head, still playing with my fingers in my lap. "But it won't change me.  I understand it.  Like.  I get it.  And I'll be detached.  Very not me.  And then I'll get back and be me again.  I mean, I know it's not pleasant, but…" I didn't want to consider the real reason, but it was Rochelle.  She was the only one I could talk to. "I don't want Staycee going on without me… and I need that surgery."

"Why don't you tell her the truth, then? Tell her not to graduate without you? She can get close to her cap and then just buy clothes with her Domestication chips every week to keep her from graduating, and then you can take the time you need to get your goals." Rochelle didn't like the idea of sex for Fourths at all; she knew them all as Thirds first and that meant trying to imagine children being used for sexual exploitation. And they were her children, in a pretty significant way. None more so than Audrey, admittedly, but Rochelle had bonded with a lot of girls over the time here. "She means a lot to you, doesn't she?"

I nodded my head, still playing with my fingers. "I can't tell her.  I should want her to go ahead without me.  I could catch up, right?  But I'm scared she won't wait.  Why would she?" I shook my head and climbed up out of the chair.  Rochelle was the only girl I knew shorter than me. "Anyway.  It doesn't matter.  I should go.  I'm so glad to see you.  And I'll see you tomorrow, too."

"She loves you, you know." It was a passing comment and the girl had continued to walk out the door after Rochelle had said it, but she knew that she'd been heard. It was a unique situation. Two girls who'd been here before; here again, memories wiped (including their love for one another), fallen in love again and now here they were, drawn back together despite all efforts to keep them apart. Audrey had her wetting fetish, and after her session today she'd been far more vocal in demonstrating it, too.

As we agreed, Staycee and I met again in our room.  She threw her arms around me and I smiled with a pat on her back. "It was just Rochelle.  I guess she's still doing my Hypno.  Which is cool.  I missed her." It complicated things, though.  Staycee didn't know about my deal with the Headmistress, and it was something she'd never know. "You know, with everything that happened in Phase Three.  The Headmistress just thinks it's a good idea having someone familiar do my Hypno."

I nodded in recollection of the creepy Hypno tech who'd tried to have his way with my Audrey and that only made me more pouty over the idea of any other men getting to touch her. I put it to the back of my mind, though, and forced a smile. "I missed you. Hypno was pretty standard, though I don't know what it's for, or why there are different rooms or why it's group or whatever. I don't feel any different, though." Nothing I could pin-point, anyway. Then again, I couldn't really focus so well; my cheeks having gone a little red after my train of thought went as follows; Hypno tech. Men having sex with Audrey. Sex with Audrey. Audrey. Audrey in her wonderful wetness. Gosh.

I decided not to tell Staycee what the Hypno had done - I wasn't one to keep secrets, but she typically wasn't as rational with her thoughts as me.  I understood them messing with my mind the same way I understood why I needed to mess with my body.  Staycee, though… she liked herself.  She wasn't like me.  She didn't want to change.  So I didn't divulge that particular detail. "We have Confession now, I think.  Whatever that is…" I still didn't get it.

I pouted a little bit, taking a step towards Audrey and setting my hand on her thigh while I bit my lip coyly. "Do we have to go right now? I was hoping I'd get a chance to show my little wet girl just how much I missed her…" I swayed gently from side to side, pivoting on the ball of my foot as I did my best to hide the flushed blush in my cheeks. Confession was one of the rules… rule #4. But I mean, it wasn't for a little while yet, was it? It would still be there in a minute.

I felt the heat race to my cheeks, my whole body quivering at Staycee's touch on my thigh.  Wow.  So the hypnotism definitely worked… "Um… um…" Rationally, I knew we couldn't do this.  I knew I only had one outfit, one pair of underwear.  But rational thought was far from me as Staycee led me to the bed and she sat on the edge.  Gosh, she was sexy… in a yellow children's dress?  That didn't make sense.  I must have really wanted her…

I sat down on the edge of the bed and then pulled the girl down to straddle my lap, her face inches from mine and her thighs (bare from her dress riding up), rested on my thighs (bare because I hiked my dress up) while I looked into her eyes. "Wouldn't it be sexy… if you… squirmed down on my lap… you'd be able to feel just how much I want you…" And then, the master-stroke; the words I knew would make her mine at the cost of all else. "…and then you could wet your panties… or… I could wet mine… and…" I knew I was barely forming words by now, but my breathing was heavy and hers wasn't far behind. Words didn't mean much, just their intent.

I whimpered softly, my body instinctively grinding up against her.  No, Audrey.  No, no, no.  You know you can't do this.  You know you have Confession.  You know you have no spare clothes.  But gosh, just the thought… when did it turn into just the thought?!  But the idea of soaking my underwear, soaking Staycee's lap… my lips crashed down on hers again and again.  I could barely breathe.

Our position longed to shift to a laying pose; with her atop me ~ but some part of my logic knew better. Some deep seeded vestige of reason told me that our dresses were hiked up, we were the edge of the bed; the flood of liquid from her bladder would soak her underwear, and mine, and maybe a little on the edge of the bed or the floor, but our dresses would be safe. So we stayed sitting, and we kissed, and she pushed against me, and I felt her swelling against my swelling, and my heart beat and her heart beat were each loud enough on their own to start a pretty good marching band.  And all I wanted was her. "Be my little wet girl, Audrey, panties sodden and transparent and skin glistening with shimmering vibrant gloss…"

I couldn't help it; I knew I wouldn't be able to.  My trainers filled with warmth, the trickling quickly soaking through the padding and onto the girl beneath me, soaking hers through just the same.  I was grinding, by that point, helplessly lost in the lust.  The dampness soaked the comforter beneath us, dripping to the carpet and settling in a little pool.  By the time I was done, my trainers thick with moisture and I was quivering with neediness.  I couldn't help it.  I didn't understand why the wetness was so arousing, but in that moment, I was helpless.

The logic of the situation went out the window the moment that warmth began and I realized for the first time that I wasn't just indulging her fetish; I was enjoying it, adoring it, loving it. I flipped the girl over and tossed her back to the bed, straddling her soaking wet trainers and grinding my hips down against her. "My. Sexy. Soaking. Wet. Audrey. Make your trainers a different kind of wet now, beautiful pretty princess! Show me how much you love me, how much you love being my Wet Princess."

The warm moisture of my own pee was overwhelming, even more so than the smell.  I didn't like watersports or anything like that, but this… the dampness on my skin… the squishing of the fabric against my straining member… I couldn't recall a single instance in my life where I was more turned on.  And Staycee's words.  I never thought words sexy before, but Wet Princess - I couldn't help it.  The sodden panties squished against me again and again, soaking the bed beneath me, now in the center of the mattress, the seat of my dress inconveniently and unknowingly placed beneath my bottom.  I was a slave to this.  I needed it more than oxygen, which I repeatedly proved by almost losing consciousness from lack thereof.  Remember to breathe!

She was a squirming mess beneath me, and I loved it; i loved knowing that no matter how many boys might have their way with my princess after tonight, they'd never make her feel like this, they'd never give her this. They'd never make her this happy. And so I smiled - ear to ear - and stopped grinding. "I have a gift for you, my Wet Princess. A special present that only I know you well enough to give." I pressed against her… and with cheeks the color of fresh tomato skins, I started to empty my own bladder into my already soaked through panties.

It was too much.  My own panties, already full of moisture, already soaked through, the new warmth against my bare tummy, against my crotch, my bottom, the dress beneath me, the puddle forming on the bed.  I was broken.  I laced my hands in Staycee's hair and pulled her to my lips, kissing her with more fire than I'd known possible.  Again and again.  Grinding.  Aching.  Couldn't contain myself.  Couldn't do anything.  Needed this.  Needed her.  Needed, needed, needed…

Getting words out between kisses was almost an impossibility but I managed a few choice ones right there so close to her ear. "I wanna roll you over… press your cock against the wetness… and fuck you. So hard. And then I'm going to fill your insides with a special sticky wetness, just for you." I couldn't believe my words; I'd have thought myself crass in any other circumstance, but I was lost. So lost. And the pleasure was my only guiding light.

I wanted it.  I so wanted it.  I wanted her to push my face into the mess on the mattress, the mess she'd caused, and blame me for my desires, blame me for being a Wet Princess.  I wanted her to flip up my dress and pull my panties down.  Not all the way.  Just past my bottom.  Still against the throbbing member straining against the fabric to become erect.  And push herself into me.  Push herself, thrust, ache, quiver, and fill me with a kind of wetness I'd never known.  I was drowning in oxygen, inhaling and exhaling at nearly the same time, quivering, burning for her. "Oh God, Staycee… Staycee…"

I couldn't hold back - I wanted to prolong the words, draw it out, make her wait and suffer and beg for me to give her what she wanted, but I couldn't. I was only human! So I carried through with my promise and I rolled her over, the wetness spreading all over the front of her dress, her faces only inches from the spreading dark patch, and the back of her dress was soaked through. Gawd. Gawd! I hiked the back of her dress up, and I ran my fingernails down her sides as I peeled down her panties enough to expose her bottom - I didn't want to take them off, though; I wanted her straining girlcock to be bound by the front of the soaking garment. "You're… so hot, so hot, so hot my sexy little wet princess. And you made such a mess, pee all over our bed, our bed that we'll be sleeping in, sleeping in and knowing how badly you soaked it. But you're beautiful… so beautiful… and I want you. Do you want me?"

I could barely make sense of the words spewing from my mouth.  They were automatic. "Uhhuhuhhuhneedyoupleaseohgodpleaseneedyou…" The smell was stronger, my cheek pressed to the bed, my hands against the wet sheets, my bare knees damp on the mattress.  Her words were perfect.  The position was perfect.  The dampness was perfect.  The warmth, the sensations… and then, her cock, having penetrated my ass, filling me in a way I didn't know possible, perfect...

I slid inside of her so effortlessly; the thickness of my cock mitigated by her eagerness to have me, and the slick wet coating on everything that made up who we are. It was electric, magnificent and perfect and everything I could have hoped for. Words were even harder to sneak out past my quivering lips as I built my rhythm up to a quick pace quicker than I would have dared adore and felt her engulfing my entire member; her quivering body beneath me heaving in gasps and moans. "I'm going to wet your insides soon… make you mine… all mine…"

It was all it took for her to say it.  Nothing more.  Just the enticing moment of clarity.  I could barley remember anything afterward.  The quivering of my knees as I filled my panties, how I'd almost fallen over… and then the abrupt bit of throbbing in my bottom that filled me with a type of goo I could feel the presence of.  I was spent.  I collapsed into the puddle we'd formed together, trembling, my thumb having slipped into my mouth.

The sorts of dreams you have when you're too exhausted to stay awake are always immeasurably more vivid than those otherwise, and through my head floated images of freedom, happiness, life outside the facility. I dreamed our graduation, our freedom, our marriage and our pretty apartment. I dreamed our jobs and our future and climbing to the top of mountains in Europe just to see the world sprawled out beneath us. And I dreamed happiness. So much happiness. When I woke up, though… there wasn't quite so much happiness. "Audrey… Audrey? Hey. Come on. We gotta get showered or we'll miss Confession." We were both still laying as we were, laying in the wet patch that had started to dry; but it made our clothes stiff and awkward to wear as we moved.

I mumbled incoherently as I sat up.  I was so exhausted… "We… can't go out like this.  We're soaked…" Granted, I was soaked.  Staycee had wet underwear on, for sure, but her dress seemed mostly dry.  Mine, on the other hand… "We don't even have other bedsheets, don't even have other clothes… ugh, what are we gonna do…" I would've been panicking if I had any semblance of energy.  I just wanted to curl up in the wet bed and sleep.  But I knew we had more pressing issues.

"We'll… okay, come on. We'll go to the showers, wash your dress and hang it up to dry while we shower. And then… I don't know. Do what we can." It felt like old times; us being in a bind and me coming up with the solution, and it felt good. "I don't know much about the bedsheets, though, but we'll work it out. Come on, we gotta hurry so we don't miss Confession. Then dinner is after that. Won't food be lovely?" We certainly had something to confess, at least.

The real problem to our plan was that we had no idea where the showers were.  The bathroom off our bedroom, like Thirds, housed only a toilet and sink.  I bit my lip and looked down the hall.  People were starting to shuffle out of their rooms.  I almost wished for the quiet and solitude of Phase One and Two.  I closed the door and shook my head. "I can't go out there.  Not like this.  I have to clean up first." So I stripped myself of the dress, something I wasn't so embarrassed about with Staycee, and started filling the bathroom sink with water.  My soaked through underwear was another story, though.  I'd have to close the bathroom door before I took those off.

"Here." I slipped my own mostly dry dress off my own skin and handed it to the girl while she looked up in milld confusion. "Put this on, so you can take your trainers off and then we can get everything clean, together." I'd long since become okay with the idea of being naked around Audrey, and in general had very little problems with my body. I wanted bigger boobs, but my breasts as they were didn't bother me.

I gave Staycee a thankful smile, unable to help wondering if she'd been this kind last time we were together.  But those were dangerous thoughts.  I shook my head and pulled the dress over me, falling far past my knees.  It was just a little too big on me.  I slipped the blue underwear down my legs and kicked them off, pushing them into the tub of water with the bottom half of my dress.  Staycee watched in only her bra.  I did my best not to look.

"If you like, I can wash up and you can go out into the hall and try and find someone who can tell you where the showers are, where Confession is, and how much time we have?" I knew it was up in the air whether she actually would, though ~ my dress was longer on her which afforded a little more modesty, but she was still without her panties and I knew the sort of stress that caused her.

"Okay…" I left Staycee's side, venturing into the hall, which only seemed more crowded than before.  I closed the door behind me.  "Um, excuse me.  Excuse… um…" The girls kept funneling by, through the hallway and to the right where the cafeteria was.  One finally hesitated, turning to face me and pushing herself to the wall to stay out of the way. "Hey, chika, what's up?" "Um, I just wanted to know… how much time until Confession." "We're heading there now.  We form a line in the cafeteria, but they usually last a while." "So if we're late…" "As long as you get there before food is served." "Thank you so, so much." "Anytime." She left me for the sea of girls and I remembered about the showers. "Hey, wait!  I wanted to…" But she was gone.  I huffed and crossed my arms, making my way back into the bedroom.

Washing out one liquid with another was a process, but by the time I'd immersed and wrung out the dress for about the fifth time, I lifted it out of the tub and inspected it with an approving smile. I hung the dress over the towel rod and thought about ways to get it dry. Maybe we had a hair dryer? I smiled widely at the idea and by the time I heard the door open, I was on my hands and knees, butt in the air, head buried in the cupboard under the sink.

Walking into my room and seeing Staycee's bum was unexpected.  I quickly looked toward my feet and stammered, "Um… Confession… um… is starting, so… we gotta go soon.  Not now.  But soon… it's in the cafeteria… or something… what are you doing, anyway?" They wouldn't have left anything under the sink.  They wouldn't have left anything anywhere.  I mean, we didn't even have underwear!

"I was looking for a hair-dryer, but there's only cleaning products under here. I guess so we can keep our rooms clean." It was actually a real downer to realize that, because with our unique little affection for the wet, clean-up was a real pain. I pulled my head out and sat up on my knees, pouting. "Your dress is drying. Trainers, too. But I don't know if they'll be done in time." The bed was still something we weren't even going to think about.

"So what do we do…?  Wear the wet clothes…?" With Staycee's dress dry, no one would suspect a thing.  But me, on the other hand… I'd clearly be an object of speculation.  The wetness was something entirely obvious, even with the whole garment saturated.  I looked up and bit my lip. "It's fine.  It's not worth getting in trouble.  You remembered what that card said - there's no punishment in this Phase other than sending us back…"

"I can wear your wet dress." I nodded my head with a smile; it'd be a lousy fit but I figured it would be better for me to be ridiculed instead of Audrey. We definitely had to secure some new clothes tonight, though! The idea of actually having clothes in a style that wasn't entirely juvenile was appealing on its own, but knowing we could mess around and not have this issue was even more enticing.

"You sure?" Staycee nodded again and I bit my lip reluctantly.  I didn't wish anything bad on my girlfriend, but I also wasn't as confident as Staycee was.  So I relented.  Staycee slipped my damp blue dress over her head, awkward in only coming halfway down her thighs.  It was something we might have gotten in trouble for as Thirds, but I'd seen worse styles already in Four.  Staycee slipped her own yellow panties on and I did the same with the blue, quivering in delight at the damp cotton.  I felt my cheeks go red.
The fact that her panties were still wet was something I hadn't thought of, but maybe her being surrounded in a light haze of delirious arousal would make this easier. I stepped forward and kissed her lips, then whispered, "Wet trainers are a gift from me, to my pretty little Wet Princess, so you never forget how much I love you." She visibly shivered in front of me and I smiled, stepping back and adjusting my borrowed dress as best I could.

I pushed her against the wall, my fingers trembling against her blue dress.  I bowed my head and bit my lip - you have to stop, Audrey.  You have places to go.  Staycee took my cheeks in her hands and pointed my eyes up at hers.  I didn't want to go anywhere.  Just stay here.  Stay with Staycee.  Kiss.  Cuddle.  I felt my breathing quicken at the mere thought.  

"When we're done with Confession and dinner, I promise you can do anything you want to me. Anything." I pulled my hand away, fingers having been slowly tracing up the front of her thigh and let go of her cheek with the other hand. "But unless you want to go back to being an earlier Phase, we need to get moving." Of course, the notion of being a First or a Second might actually have appealed to her, and that couldn't help but bring a tiny smile to my lips. She was so sexy in a very conventional way, but her fetish was sexy in a way very unconventional.

I whimpered and Staycee steered me toward the door, pushing me out into the hallway and following close behind.  She closed the door, though most people didn't bother, and led the way toward the cafeteria, hand in hand.  Each step I took ran shivers through my body, the dampness of my underwear a constant reminder of what we'd done.  I couldn't contain myself.  When we finally arrived at the cafeteria, it was already full of students.  Along the back wall was a series of three doors and a line of students maybe thirty long.  Our table was full with the exception of us and Snow, who I saw near the end of the line. "I guess that's the Confession line?"

"Guess so. What are we s'posed to be confessing?" There was a voice from our left, a girl with glasses with bright red cheeks, twirling her hair around her fingers. "Sex stuff. mostly. Things from Liberation classes that you enjoyed…" I shared a look with Audrey and bit my lip, smiling back at the girl. "Oh…? Sex stuff, huh?" She nodded and continued, squirming a little from side to side. "You gotta confess everything sexual for the day - even masturbation - and then talk about what you liked, even if you don't understand why you liked it."

"That's stupid." I wasn't surprised at the shocked expression the girl used to react to my statement.  It seemed pretty much the consensus now that sex was a public thing.  Not for me, though, and not for Staycee.  It was our thing and everyone else could just deal with it. "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in telling a total stranger about my private time just so he can get his jollies." I crossed my arms and looked away from the girl with the glasses.

"If you don't confess something you're s'posed to, you get all your Liberation chips taken away,” the girl said plainly. She swayed from side to side and it was only then that I noticed the faint buzzing sound coming from the girl. I narrowed my eyes at her questioningly and she went redder and turned away. I certainly didn't want to be responsible for our Liberation chips being reset; Audrey was already prepared to do the unthinkable to secure hers.

Well, we didn't have any Liberation chips, did we?  I crossed my arms and took Staycee's hand in mine, pulling her away from the annoying glasses girl and into the line for Confession at the back of the room.  Her dress wasn't quite dry, yet, but it didn't seem to attract any attention. "Ugh.  This place is so stupid.  Like I'm telling anyone about my sex life." Though, granted, my sex life only started minutes ago.  What Staycee and I had done was the first instance of actual sex I'd ever had.

Sex life. We had a sex life now. Gawd. I shivered a little bit and smile. I'd had a hell of a lot of sex in my past life, but that was the first time I'd ever had sex as Staycee. It got me thoughtful; smiling and blushing, and I looked at the girl with adoration. "Sex was never like that before. I mean, squishy stuff aside… sex in my old life was so routine, such a commodity. Sex with you was… amazing. I've never felt anything like that."

The girl in front of us in line turned around to face us and I looked down toward my feet with a blush.  This was horrible.  Why would they want us confessing things in our sex life?  It didn't make any sense.  I still hadn't figured out what Phase Four was about, either.  Education, domestication, and liberation.  It was clearly getting us ready for the outside world.  But I still didn't understand how.  What was the motive?  I decided not to say another word until we were at the front of the line.  One of the doors opened and a girl stepped out, leaving the door ajar.  I looked up at Staycee and she ushered me along.  I stepped into the little room and closed the door behind me.  This was weird…

"Hello, Audrey." The disembodied voice was that of a woman, soft and smooth; a little older than any of the girls in attendance of the school but not that much so. "Welcome to your first Confession. What do you have to confess, today?" The voice knew her name, and knew that it was her first time. Which meant it probably knew which classes she'd gone to today, and her Hypno. But the source of the voice was nowhere to be seen - not even behind a screen or curtain. It just seemed to fill the little room.

"Um…" I looked around for speakers or glass or a camera or something, but there was none of it.  Just a box.  I took a seat in the corner on the little bench and looked up toward the ceiling.  It almost sounded like the voice was coming from inside my own head. "You can hear me, then?" The voice only acknowledged me with a 'yes' before going silent.  There was no echo. "Um… no, I don't have anything to confess."

"You attended a Liberation class today, whereby you refused to participate. Explain." The voice was still calm and soft, not accusatory but it also didn't sound as though it expected to be refused. In that small little cubicle with the disembodied woman’s voice, it was very hard to maintain a resistance. And to be honest, it seemed to have been designed that way.

"They were going to do things to Staycee.  And she's my girlfriend.  And I wasn't going to let that happen." I kept my arms crossed while I spoke, the only method of defiance I really had. "This Phase is really stupid, Miss.  You can't just start making everyone have sex.  What's the point of that, anyway?  Are you trying to make us slutty?" I was mad, probably more mad than I should of been.  But today was horrible, with the exception of one moment.  And this was a reformatory center - not a brothel!

"Your girlfriend?” Interesting. There was a long silence that followed that, the minutes ticking past quietly for the girl before the voice returned. "Have you engaged in sexual activities with Staycee? You're wearing her dress." The tone was still quiet and calm, but it hadn't answered her questions, instead, having been taken more by the notion of the relationship dynamic that wasn't supposed to exist.

I frowned and looked down at the yellow fabric, dull in the low light of the wooden box. "No," I lied.  It was an obvious lie.  A far too obvious lie.  So I corrected myself. "I mean, I have, but nothing you need to know about." We'd been together for almost three months - of course we'd engaged in sexual activities.  And I was wearing her dress.  It was an undeniable fact.  I didn't look up from the floor, though, as I reminisced about our time together.  About the time we'd had together before, that this place had taken away.  I wasn't going to give them any satisfaction.

"Confess all activities between yourself and Staycee." When the girl stayed quiet, the voice continued with a prompt. "Confess, or face demotion to Phase Three. Without Staycee." It was good. It was really really good. Even with the threat, it remained sweet and kind. More like it was informing her of her outcome instead of holding a consequence over her head.

"You've got to be kidding me…" I tried not to seem scared, but I was.  I really was.  The idea of losing Staycee, after all this… I shook my head and looked down at my feet.  Maybe Staycee would withhold information, too?  Maybe we'd both be demoted?  I put the tip of my thumb in my mouth - I was worried. "We… had sex… today… it was… fine…"

"How did it make you feel, Audrey? To have sex with Staycee?" There was something about her tone of voice, something in the tone that shifted. The calm, detached voice has grown a little warmer, a little more interested. Like a friend, or a mother. Patient, loving, caring and 'just wants to listen' were all qualities that shone through, even though there was no compassionate smile to pair with any of that.

"Fine.  I said it was fine." I was still detached, aggressively cold.  I thought this whole process was stupid, and I especially thought poorly of Confession.  Maybe this sweet woman had fooled the other girls, maybe even Staycee, but not me.  I wasn't going to give her any information.  Just as much as I needed to get by.  Just enough to get out of this box and out of this facility.

"Was it your first time, Audrey? For many girls, their first time is an especially wonderful, but confusing experience. Lots of feelings to work through. What feelings did you have, honey?" It seemed as though the voice had asked a question - about it being her first time - but had already known the answer all along.

I felt my cheeks take color and I put my head in my lap to hide them from the camera - if there really was one.  How else could they know I was wearing Staycee's dress?  And how did they know it was my first time?  No, they didn't.  It was just a guess.  So I shook my head, my thumb still subconsciously placed in my mouth.  I felt so small in this stupid little box.

"You'll always remember it, Audrey. Your first time. And your first time was as a girl, too; it must be very validating to have one less thing to tie you to that dreadful dream you lived before arriving at Mt. Calibeen." The voice wasn't judgmental, wasn't accusatory, wasn't mean or nasty or anything of the sort. Just friendly. Thoughtful. Lovely.

I nodded softly before I really realized I had validated their theory.  My first time was as a girl.  First time ever.  I felt the sensations in my tummy well up, the kind of reminders I didn't want to have in front of these stupid people.  I sucked harder on my thumb and tried to forget about it - forget about this place and what it was doing - and instead tried to focus on what it had done.  It took Staycee from me once.  I needed to stay strong.  Defiant.

"You're getting ever-closer to leaving this place and to starting your new life, Audrey. It's important to remember to take everything you can from here, because there's no coming back. To make yourself the person you want to be, and to learn everything you can. And part of the learning process is Confession. Confessing and discussing your sexuality helps you to find yourself, and be comfortable with your sexuality as you step into the world. Other girls have the benefit of many years of puberty to make these discoveries. You weren't quite so lucky." There was a lot of logic there, a lot of sense and rationale; despite this place being what it was, they did seem to genuinely care about the emotional development of their girls as well as the physical.

There was a lot more logic in the woman's words than I'd have liked.  Confession really would help solidify one's feelings - a place without judgement one could try to sort through all the complexities and difficulties of growing up.  Essentially, we were becoming adults overnight.  From a child in Phase Three to an adult in Phase Four.  There were a lot of complications I hadn't considered, and here I had someone to talk to.  Maybe not who I would have preferred, but a kind of guardian. "If that's…" That was the first time I realized my thumb was in my mouth and I quickly removed it with a blush. "If that's true, than why is Confession only about sex!"

"Confession isn't only about sex, Audrey. Confession is a place where you're encouraged to divulge feelings you don't understand. All that we ask is that you be honest. Many girls find the most troubling thoughts stem from their developing sexualities, so Confession is most often associated with sex." There was no timer, no rush, no need to hurry through things; Confession was as long as it took for each individual girl and then dinner would happen only after the final Confession. For newly arrived Fourths, Confession did tend to run longer.

"Oh…" I bit my lip and looked down at the floor, trying to remember why I wasn't talking.  Defiance.  Something about… I shook my head in confusion and looked up at the dark ceiling again, still no sign of a camera or speaker. "So this… is for us?  This Confession?  Just a place to talk?  Then why is it mandatory?  What if we don't want to talk?  I don't want to talk.  Especially about things with Staycee." I did, though.  I wanted to know what was different about me.  Why I was so invested in this wetting thing, why it was special.  It wasn't a hypnotism thing - that I could understand - because it was only me.  So why…

"It's compulsory for the same reason that parents set bedtimes. It's because even though adolescents know what's best, they often forget. Confession being mandatory is only to ensure that each and every day, you're given the avenue and means to share your thoughts and feelings." There was a pause in the voice, for the girl to think, and then at last it continued. "What would you like to talk about, today, Audrey?"

I shrugged my shoulders.  I had so much on my mind.  And while the wetness thing was particularly appealing a concept, I wanted to at least keep my head about me until I got out of this box and could assess my thoughts in a clear environment.  So I picked another topic that weighed heavily on my mind. "I want to do the Liberation Master Class.  But everyone says it's really… bad.  And Staycee worries.  And I don't know what to do."

"And why do you think there's a negative connotation to the class? Like all Master-level Classes, the Liberation class is an advanced progression of the core concepts outlined in the earlier level classes." Audrey listened as the voice spoke, and the way the words came made it almost seem like the class was something purely academic, though everybody knew better than that.

"I guess it's because it messes people up.  Like Snow.  How she doesn't say no now.  I just don't want to be different.  I like the person I am now." There was a little pause before the voice continued. "Something you might not know about that class, Audrey, is that there are different segments.  As a first timer, you're only allowed to take the first part - a trial run of sorts - and if you don't like it, you never have to go back." I blinked against the darkness and looked up a little confused.  The voice was right: I didn't know that…

"There are those who among the student body who choose to devote themselves to the Liberation Master Class. Those who make it an obsession, for the sake of gaining credits to enhance their body. But obsession can be bad in any situation, don't you think?" There was a certain degree of sense that the voice made, disembodied as it was; but then again, it was that voice (or one like it) that guided the aforementioned girls into the obsession in the first place.

"Yeah, I guess you're right…" I looked down at my feet and had them play with one another.  I still had no socks, unlike a majority of the people outside of the little wooden box.  I would have to order some socks. "Um, Miss…" Courtesy was standard now, and anything short was lost long ago in Phase One. "I'm very hungry.  Do you think we could finish this tomorrow?" That, and I had a lot to think about.  Maybe this wasn't so bad, Confession… maybe I had it all wrong.

"Confession is over whenever you feel as though it ought to be. Be sure, however, that your conscience is clear of sexual experiences before leaving." It seemed to be the only criteria to Confession; the sexual element. It was no wonder that so many girls saw this as a purely sexual thing. Most of them probably had very little else to talk about, anyway, to be fair.

That was all it took.  I stepped out of the box - the lights in the cafeteria blinding in contrast - and made my way over to the table.  Always about sex.  And they go and try to convince me otherwise, tried to tell me about how it was used for other things, and then that.  Ugh.  I felt so stupid.  They were playing me.  I sat down next to Staycee at the table, who looked very solemn, and I crossed my arms.  I was angry.

"What's on your mind, pretty girl?" Audrey was clearly annoyed-at-best, furious-at-worst, and it relieved me at least to have my own thoughts off my mind. The rest of the girls were already at the table, including Jacinta who also looked none-too-happy about something, probably something to do with our performance in the earlier class. Gosh. Everybody seemed to have a problem. The worst of mine was the memories of Confession, of being reinforced over and over that Audrey needed to have sexual experiences with other people, including boys. That I needed to love her enough to let her. And it sucked so bad.

"Confession sucks.  I thought it would suck, but jeeze…" The line had dwindled significantly, only four more people outside the three in the booths.  I shook my head and put my forehead on the edge of the table, looking into my lap. "Phase Four isn't as fun as I thought it would be…" Admittedly, I knew very little about it from the beginning.  I just wanted it to be less like high school…

"Maybe you should try participating in the classes next time, then." I didn't need to look over; I knew it was Jacinta and I knew she was unhappy. "That was such an easy class - all you had to do was diddle each other for a while. That's it." "Jacinta… leave it be, okay? We're not into this; we're not even very sexual girls." "Yeah? So why are you wearing each others clothes?" I felt my cheeks color up and I stammered, trying to get out a response. "Hey… that's not…"

"Just back off, okay?  It's not like this in Phase Three.  Do you remember your first day here?  I bet you didn't like Confession either.  Any of you?" A few girls shook their heads and I few just looked away. "And if any of you took Liberation classes that first day, I bet you weren't happy.  I bet you wished you reacted the way I did." Again, no rebuttals.  I crossed my arms and nodded. "That's what they do.  Everything you are and everything you like is all them.  Hypno and classes and Confession.  Since Phase One.  And it sucks that you all lost your innocence here, but we haven't.  Yet.  So stop being an ass." I knew the swear word would get me in more trouble than it was worth, but maybe no one would tattle.  Or maybe Phase Four rules were different.

There was a quiet pause wash over the table for a few moments, before Jacinta spoke up. "You'll fit in better after a few days. The new girls always do." "That's because of Hypno, Jacinta! They just make you who they want you to be." "Wake up, Staycee. That's what they do here, or did you just not pay attention when you were crapping your diapers?"

"Ugh.  Come on.  Cut it out." "We don't like you acting like you're better than us." That was Snow, and it quieted everyone at the table.  Finally, I took the initiative. "Look, we don't think that.  And we aren't naive.  This is going to happen.  We accepted that after Phase One and Two and we're accepting it now, too.  But give us a bit of slack.  It's hard…" Everyone was quiet. "Please…"

Mercifully, the plates of food started to arrive and that seemed to break the tension among us all; wonderfully culinary aromas were definitely common ground. "So… we still need a book." I said it to nobody in particular, but Snow smiled and offered. "Maybe you could ask one of your teachers?" For such a small girl, she ate with a ravenous appetite - though she was wonderfully well-mannered about it. I guessed she needed the energy with what she was doing in class.

"I talked to Rochelle about it." That gathered a lot of attention.  No one ever called a teacher by their first name, and no one knew Rochelle.  Staycee looked over at me with her fork between her lips. "She said it'll just come.  Usually always on the first day.  We still have time, too.  Rec is after dinner, I thought." Jacinta nodded in acknowledgement. "Well there we go.  Hours left.  We're fine." But I worried about it, too.  Maybe they forgot about us.  And we really needed new clothes… "What chips did you pick for Hypno today?" Rochelle said everyone got chips for Hypno, so it wasn't an odd question.

"Domestication, because I need clothes." There was a groan around the table and the girl with the dark mousy hair from this morning rolled her eyes. "What a waste. You can get Domestication chips so easily; you always always always pick Liberation chips for Hypno!" "But I need clothes…" "You need boobs, too." I frowned a little bit and looked at Audrey, thoughtfully. Maybe they were right. "You're very pretty, Staycee. You and Audrey, both. You'll probably need very very little work." My cheeks colored up at Jacinta’s compliment and I looked down. I knew Audrey was gorgeous; but I hadn't thought myself in the same league.

"Yeah.  I probably won't do Domestication tomorrow - I did that too.  But I don't even know how many chips a dress is and I'm not gonna wear this thing another day." Wish I had my damn book. "And you only get ten chips." Though that's as much as a Master Class if you count all five days in the week.  Whatever.  We need clothes.  Priorities.  Then we can work on our actual chip building.

"Clothes are pretty cheap. A pair of panties is like one chip, in your own color is 3 chips. Everything is always more expensive in your own color." "Uh huh, and things like bras and panties are cheaper in bulk." That didn't sound so bad, though the idea of Audrey and I doing different classes bothered me more than I knew it should have. She wanted to do more Liberation, I wanted to do more Domestication. "Two chips for a bathroom pack with shampoo, conditioner, soap, enemas, makeup remover and all that stuff." "And one chip each for most makeup items." That, at least, didn't sound so bad ~ I did the numbers in my head and tried to figure out how much we'd need.

Wow, currency was really minimal.  I suspected a pair of underwear to be more like ten and a dress to be fifty.  But that didn't seem to be the case.  But I thought they wanted to keep us here longer?  Or were they trying to keep us out of Domestication classes all the time?  Their motives were still so unclear to me, even after my talk in Confession. "Why would they give you enemas?" It was the one bit of Jacinta's explanation I didn't understand.  They were a rare thing, even in Phase One.  I never had one but Catherine did.  I shuttered at the concept.

"You're expected to stay clean and presentable for most Liberation classes." "Even after the snip, you have to keep your behind tidy because certain classes will call for it." The flippancy of how the girls openly discussed such things boggled my mind, but considering the afternoon that Audrey and I had shared I didn't really have much place to judge. It made my feel sick, though; sick to be reminded of some strange boy getting to have his way with my Audrey.

That's really gross.  I felt the cold shiver up my arms at the idea of giving myself an enema - I wasn't even sure I could.  It didn't seem complicated from what Catherine explained, but it would certainly be awkward. "What if you don't?  I mean, it's just for Liberation, right?" But I knew the answer - you didn't get chips.  But if I only took that one Liberation class… I didn't know the rules.  So I decided not to talk anymore.

"You can lose chips for presentation in Liberation." "Yeah, why do you think Snow always looks so adorable? She needs to be her best at all times." "Wait… lose chips? You mean, not get the chips for the class?" "You can lose from your own amount, too." I frowned and shook my head. I don't know why it did, but the idea of having hard-earned chips taken away bothered me so much more than anything else.

I supposed the fear would have been more pronounced if Staycee or myself had actually earned chips in Liberation.  Still, the idea was scary.  It was like gambling.  You had to be pretty sure you were doing what you were doing correctly.  I finished my pasta and started on a salad.  Typically I didn't like salad, but the Phase Four salads were particularly good and I hadn't had one in a year.  Maybe longer.

"At least the food is good." It was something to be said for small graces. "It's all made by girls here; it's a Domestication class. You eat meals after everybody else, but it's worth both Domestication and Education chips." I thought about that. About being able to double up on my chips somehow; something I could do while Audrey was… think about something else. Ugh.

I gave up on eating after I finished a bowl of salad.  I was lost in my head, really, trying to figure all this out.  Phase Four: it was an oddity.  I was so sure Phase Three had too many freedoms, and then this.  I finally pulled myself off my chair and waved a little goodbye to the girls, promising to scope them out in one of the Rec rooms.  Then started down the hallway back to my room, Staycee following quickly behind.  

"Where are we going?" I didn't really question Audrey when she made decisions, but I did at least like to know what we were doing or where we were going. "You kinda went quiet for a while. What're you thinking about?" So far as I could figure, we had twenty Domestication chips each. That could buy some underwear and shampoo at least, and I was hoping to be able to afford an outfit or two.

"Back to our room." I slowed down once we were in the hallway with our bedrooms and looked back at Staycee with a little smile.  I didn't want to tell her how concerned I was.  I should be over all this by now, over the hypnosis and the changing and everything, but I just wasn't.  I couldn't think straight.  Rochelle had a way about her, a way that made me forget what they were doing.  But now, without her, with just Staycee and me… I wished I could tell her.  Tell her she knew me before.  Ask her how I was.  But those memories of her… they were gone…

We stopped in the hall just outside our room and I put my hand on the little angel’s cheek, my blue eyes sinking into hers. "Tell me what you're thinking? You know you can tell me anything, and lately it feels like you're always so restrained. Talk to me. Please?" Her pulse ebbed beneath my hand, and her breathing settled softly, the girl’s eyes never moving away from my own.

Oh, Staycee, I wish that were true… but if I told her, if I told anyone, I'd violate our contract.  The Headmistress could use my real name, or Catherine’s.  Or she could take Staycee away from me.  She could ruin my life once I got out of here.  I was her poster girl, and we'd struck a deal.  If I wanted to be safe, wanted Staycee safe… I needed to get through this. "Just worried about classes.  About Liberation.  With the way Snow talks about it.  But I want to do it.  I want to get the surgery…"

"Can't you earn the chips slower? I don't mind staying here with you, just as long as it takes. And we could just do Liberation classes that are theory, or ones that just have us playing with each other. It'd take longer, but…" Audrey looked away and shook her head; I wanted so badly for her to not go to those classes, so badly. I couldn't tell her, though… couldn't tell her that I didn't understand it… didn't know why she put such value in something that nobody would ever see but me… and I loved who she was.

I walked away from Staycee's arms and closed the door behind me.  I was about to say something, I was sure, but then the large book on the vanity caught my attention.  The book.  Our book?  I stepped past Staycee in a hurry and picked up the handbook, much larger than Snow's.  But that was because there were two.  I was excited!  I quickly passed one over to Staycee. "Our books!  They're here!  Right there!  See?!"

"Oh!" I couldn't help but be excited; we actually knew what it was we were doing now. Well, mostly. My fingers carefully ran over the hard-bound cover and I remembered how damage could lead to discipline, so I'd take good care of it. Our room still smelled faintly of pee, though the faded yellow patch on our bed was thankfully dry now. "We need to figure out exactly what each of us wants, write it all down, and figure out the best way to get to those goals."

"Bedsheets." It was the first thing we needed. "And probably soap." I flipped through to the back of the Domestication tab where the rewards were listed.  Wow.  There were dozens of pages.  Liberation only had half a page.  I finally found the heading "bedroom" and ran my fingers down the column. "Outfits and sheets are washed once a week on Sundays…" It was Tuesday, last I knew.  That meant six whole days without clean bedsheets… "Extra sheet set - 10 chips.  Wow, that's a lot…" Between us, we had forty.

"We can pay half each, maybe? Or I can pay, and you can buy me 5 chips worth of things? How much are clothes? I want a really pretty dress that I can feel comfortable in, but most of the girls here wear tops and skirts or shorts or pants. I like dresses…" I did like dresses, too, for as long as I could remember, though obviously I hadn't much liked them when I was a boy.

"Chips are non transferable or refundable." I read it off the top of the page - it seemed to be a watermark for every single page of the book.  Seemed a waste of space, really.  I flipped a few pages later past "bedroom" and "bathroom" to "clothing".  It, too, had a disclaimer. "Clothes purchased in this column will be adhered to your specific measurements taken every Sunday." So a lot like Thirds. "Anything can be gifted, but all measurements and colors will be your own.  No exceptions." I supposed that made sense - there were a lot of girls here, and that alone must be difficult to keep up with.

I pouted and looked down, thoughtfully. "I'll buy sheets, then. I actually don't mind my Third dress, and I'm going to be doing more Domestication classes than you, anyway, I guess, because I don't need as many Liberation chips as you do." It was the first time we'd talked about having to do different classes, but it was an eventuality with our difference in direction and aspiration.

I shook my head and flipped back toward the "bedroom" and "bathroom" sections of the catalogue. "Everything is divisible by two, for the room.  See?  I bet that's so we can each pay half.  We probably don't have to, but I don't mind." I didn't like the idea of being away from Staycee, but I liked the idea of her following me into the Liberation Master class even less.  I turned back toward the clothing area and ran my finger down the list. "If I don't get it in my color, I can have a new dress for eight chips.  Nothing fancy, I bet.  But it'll do for one day.  And we can get another thirty tomorrow if we take the right classes.”  I'd have to start my Liberation class soon, though.  I knew that…

"I love your blue; it's one of my favorite colors ever. You know, apart from my yellow." I smiled and thought about that for a moment, my fingers running idly over the paper. "You know how… with Education chips, they can change stuff in your head? Like… elective Hypno, right?" The girl by my side nodded and I bit my lip. "Maybe they could make it so you don't remember the stuff that happens in the Liberation Master Class?" I'd know. I'd still remember. But maybe if she didn't have to relive all that every time she closed her eyes...

"Yeah, that's probably a thing." I smiled happily and turned toward the Education section of the book, which was after Domestication and before Liberation.  This book certainly liked being alphabetical. "Forgetting the institution entirely is two thousand education chips and a thousand of the others.  It's actually harder to do this than to get out." I guess that made some degree of sense… "Forget a class or experience - limit to 1 per phase - 650 chips.  I guess it's possible." It got my mind turning.  I could forget something about Phase One, though most of it was spent in the baby haze, or something about Phase Two, like Catherine getting punished.  That still haunted me; failing another Catherine.  Or even the hypnotist in Phase Three.  I sucked my thumb in thought.

"Or you could have them take that away…" I looked at her thumb and she went-wide eyed, panicked; so I quickly added on. "Not your thumb, silly. Your thumb-sucking quirk. I mean, think about it - I think it's adorable but I bet you're really self-conscious about it." And we weren't even out in the real world yet; we were still contained in our little bubble where everybody had done the same babyish things that we had and nobody was particularly judgmental.

"Yeah, that's true…" I looked at the glistening thumb of my left hand and wiped it on my dress, which was Staycee's dress.  I had to flip back a page to find it. "Removal of personality quirk, behavior, or thought process.  300 each.  Limit of five.  That's not so bad - as expensive as a cup increase."  I supposed this was about the same thing, just in a different category.

"So… we need to do some math. Figure out costs of everything, for both of us; total amount of chips needed in each category and that way we can figure out how many of each class to take." I knew already that her procedures were expensive and I didn't like to think about that. Maybe if I focused on what I'd have to do, too; it'd be okay. "I'm a little bigger than you, so I think I'll need one more cup size than you. Maybe a C for me, and a B for you?"

I looked down at my chest with a little bit of uncertainty, nodding my head in resigned agreement. "Do you… worry about it?  About the boobs and stuff?" I meant more than just boobs, like surgery.  I looked down at my feet with a bit of concern and kicked at the carpet. "I mean… what if you make a mistake?  What if you leave here and wish you had them bigger?  Or what if you wished you didn't get them done at all?" It was a valid stressor in my life.

"I guess that's something all girls face. I mean, like, at least we get to look in the mirror and make an informed choice on what size we want. If we want them bigger later on, then we just get implants like other girls who do I guess." I did worry, though. I worried and fretted endlessly over my actions and inactions and how they'd impact my life outside of here.

We spent the whole Rec period going through our books, and it wasn't until one of the girls from our table showed up at our door that we realized how much time had gone by.  We couldn't make lists or circle things, but we made mental notes.  Dresses.  Outfits.  Underwear.  And a few things I wanted I was too afraid to tell Staycee about.  But we went through the whole book, start to finish.  We read every passage, including the chapter on the order slips that were deposited during breakfast and taken away during lunch.  Until then, it seemed, we'd remain in our dresses and wet bed. "Sorry.  We got our books.  Lost track of time…"

"It's okay. We were just worried about you. What happened to your bed?" It wasn't clear to me just whose cheeks went redder, but I did know that it would be up to me to patch this one up and save face. "I had a bad dream when I was napping. Bladder never really recovered from earlier phases. It's why we swapped dresses." The girl nodded and smiled understandingly. A perk of being here, I guess; everybody understood that stuff.

"We promise to hang out tomorrow.  Promise." The girl I didn't know the name to nodded her head and left us both alone.  I let out a deep sigh and closed the book in front of me. "That was close.  There really had to be a cleaner way to do this…" I knew it was my thing, not Staycee's, and she knew it too.  But it was something she willingly took part in, and it wasn't something that seemed to inherently turn her off.  And that made it our problem.  Or maybe because we were together - maybe that made it our problem.  But ours indeed.  Plural.

"Are there waterproof sheets in the book?" It made some level of sense that there should be, but admittedly I hadn't been looking for them on my read through with Audrey. There was always the option of doing our fun in the showers; but we still didn't much know where they were and that didn't help our case. Besides; they were public, and cold porcelain tiles were no match for a comfortable bed.

I shook my head and put my head down on the pillow. "Nuh uh.  Not that I saw.  I guess it makes sense, though - they're trying to discourage us from wetting the bed." And it wasn't like they knew about my fetish.  No one did, except Staycee.  And I didn't want them to know about it, either.  I slipped my thumb into my mouth and curled up in a ball.  We wouldn't have our clothes until tomorrow night.  We'd decided on what we'd get - a dress, each.  A package of three panties, each.  New sheets.  And a nightgown, each.  Nothing in our colors.  It worked out to be the full 40 chips we'd gathered that day.

"Oh, I want to wash our trainers in the bathroom sink. Maybe hang them up, so we'll have clean undies for tomorrow. Is that okay? Plus then we'll still have something in our colors." The decision to buy things not in our colors had been a hard one to make, but with the small amount of chips we had available it was really the only choice we had. "Do you remember your color ceremony, Audrey? I do, vividly. It's one of my favorite memories. It's weird, though. When I dream, sometimes… I remember it but it's all different."

I'd just slipped my underwear off from underneath Staycee's dress when she finished her statement.  I quickly sat up from the bed and took Staycee's hand.  The last time she remembered something from before, I'd tattled.  I'd closed that door.  I didn't know, then, but now… "Tell me more about that.  What you remember.  Was I there?  Dreams often do that, you know.  Put people you care about in the dream." In reality, I just wanted to know if I was there.  If we went that far back.  I remembered my own ceremony well, though.  I was the first to get my color in my block and Penelope was so proud.  It was the happiest day I could remember of Phase One…

"You weren't there. It was yellow, like it is now, the same yellow. But my Second is different… she has red hair, and lips that always looked wet - she had fixation with lipgloss, because she got punished for something…" It was something awfully specific to have happen in a dream, and I figured that was why it left me so bothered by it. My Second was blonde, and she had no such fixation, nothing of the sort. She was fairly ordinary, she fit in well, and she never really got punished.

"So I wasn't there…" Staycee shook her head and left me alone, going to fill the sink.  I sighed and curled up to the pillow again.  Luckily, the dampness never made it past the comforter.  I pulled it up and the bed beneath it was dry: quite a feat for how wet it was.  I pulled the dry side of the blanket up to my waist and looked at the bathroom door where Staycee was washing up.  So I didn't know her when she was a First?  Or maybe I knew her before this place.  But her color ceremony was something clearly rewritten.  Or maybe the dream was just a normal dream.  I couldn't figure this out…

"I just don't get it, you know. When I think about it, I know exactly how it all happened, I remember how happy I was. I remember getting my first thing in yellow… it was a dolly with a yellow dress. But in my dream it was a pacifier." My voice was really distracted as I spoke from the little half bathroom, gingerly washing both sets of panties. "But both seem as real and legitimate as the other. I always wake up after the ceremony in my dream, though… I think because my brain is like 'what the hell Stace, that's totally wrong'."

"I got a doll, too.  It's the normal thing, I guess.  A doll with a colored dress." Of course, we all had pacifiers and dresses in our color, but those took time.  My dresses were quick, but I had to wait a whole week before my white pacifier was replaced with a blue one.  That pacifier, like everything else, was left behind in Phase Two, the doll included. "I wished they'd let us keep those dolls.  Maybe they recycle them.  I'd like that.  Give it a different color dress and make some other girl happy."

"You're so sentimental." I smiled, looking over my shoulder as I continued to clean the underwear; the trainers were thankfully pretty easy to get clean - I just liked having my hands in the water. "I hope I stop having it. That dream, I mean. It's annoying waking up throughout the night. Still…" I drained the water from the sink and wrung out the trainers. "It makes me wonder."

"You should wonder.  It's good for you.  And you never know with this place." I wanted her to catch on.  I wanted her to figure it out.  I wanted her to tell me all about us before, since I didn't seem to have any holes in my memory the way she did.  But I knew it was wishful thinking.  I had no hope in that regard. "Come on.  We should get into bed." Staycee was just hanging the underwear over the edge of the basin.

"I know." We had nothing else to wear under our dresses, so we'd be sleeping in a state of pretty close intimacy; to my knowledge we'd never left ourselves so relatively exposed when we cuddled. She'd be okay, I thought, pursing my lips. As important as surgery was to Audrey, she was a lot more comfortable with her body around me since she'd told me about her wetness fetish. I approached the edge of the bed and yawned. "Sleep time now?"

Staycee crawled into bed next to me and I curled up against her chest.  With anyone else in the world, I would have been worried sleeping in just a dress with no underwear, but she was some kind of special.  She really was, too: a girl who could remember things long forgotten.  If there was any hope in the world of remembering, any hope of filling in the gaps, that hope rested with her.
 

[Sophie ♥]

Part III: For Fifty Chips

Staycee and I both slept well that night, even if we didn't have underwear or clean sheets.  And just like the book said, when we'd woken up, there was a slip of paper in the front of the door; the little pencil that was attached was compulsory.  It made me wonder about the pencils we needed for the Calculus class and how we'd have to order those later.  Staycee and I had our card filled out early, a corresponding number transcribed from the book of items to the card in my hand.  Our order was perfect.  Staycee and I put the slips of paper we'd earned the day before into the front of the door with the completed card and returned the pencil among the papers.  Not all the credits were in paper form - it was actually pretty rare to do so.  Most of them went into a unified bank and you'd get a total with each card, but that only came with more complexities like attendance registries.  Staycee and I weren't quite ready for that, yet.

"So what classes are we going to do?" The question was something we'd avoided discussing thus far, but now that we had our books we really had to face the reality that some of what we'd be doing wouldn't be wonderful, and that we might not be doing it together. I kept my fingers linked in hers as we walked toward the hall for breakfast, but Audrey stayed quiet; maybe lost in thought at the question. This was it. This was Phase Four; the last hurdle before freedom and somehow the most important. This would make us who we were.

"I'm gonna do it.  The Master Class." It was something I spent a lot of the morning working through, especially after reviewing my other options.  The closest that came to Liberation was only twenty-five points, which was the same as the first stage of the Master Class.  It would take me twice as long to put together my requirements if I didn't take it, and that just wasn't an option.  We had to get out of here, and the only way to do that properly would be to charge through it.

It wasn't any secret that I didn't like the idea of the Master Class. In reality, actually, it made me feel sick to my stomach with dread like nothing else quite could. So I said nothing, not until we were standing in the door to the cafeteria hall. "What if you like it? The Master Class, I mean. Being used by men… what if it's something you end up liking? Or… or… you wind up a broken doll, like Snow?" It was selfish. If she liked it, what was the harm to her? But God, there was so much harm to me.

I shook my head and looked past the doors into the room full of students.  We were still in our Third dresses, and from an obvious glance across the room, it seemed Naomi was too.  She fit in so well, already laughing with the girls at her table.  I bit the tip of my thumb, trying to keep it out of my mouth. "Snow isn't broken.  She's just… shy.  And I can compartmentalize." I wasn't sure I'd used that big a word in a whole year! "I'll be okay.  And did you know the first day you aren't even allowed to take the 50 point class?  It's like an introduction or something.  So I can always say no."

"I'm just worried. You're this beautiful, independent spark of life; you help me to remember who I am. And I see how dim Snow's light is now and it would break my heart to see you that way." She looked at me with a sense of sadness and I smiled reassuringly. "I'll love you no matter who you are or who you become. I'm just particularly fond of the cutie I'm holding hands with right now." It seemed to give Audrey some small reassurance and I motioned to the table. "Come on, let's go sit."

I didn't eat a lot that morning.  I didn't eat a lot that afternoon, either.  Staycee and I had decided to exclusively take Domestication classes until we'd built up a bit of wardrobe, and it made our lives very easy.  It also meant my attendance in the Master Class for Liberation was something we were postponing.  That evening, before dinner, our outfits came.  They were nice dresses, but they were boring.  I supposed I had expected little else beyond the white garment for the chips we'd bought them with.  I slipped mine over my head and pulled my blue trainers down, replacing them with the white panties. "I don't like this.  I miss Phase Three…"

"I miss Phase Two." It'd been a joke, but it made me stop and pause for a moment - like a skipping CD - and then I resumed with a smile. It was the first time we really spoke about earlier phases, and being able to speak so candidly was nice. Comfortable. The domestication classes had been nice, too, and I was eager to tally up the total of our chips before we ate.

As much as I enjoyed my little fixation on wetness, I took no pride in the idea of wearing diapers again.  It had been one of the most embarrassing experiences in my life, and if it wasn't for Penelope, I wasn't sure I would've made it through.  Even the milk and the haze couldn't quell my humiliation.  It really brought up a spark in me, and the other Firsts, to be good Seconds though.  No one wanted to be a First. "I didn't like Phase Two.  I mean, Catherine was a very cooperative girl after the first week." It was strange to remember Catherine as a boy. "But changing and feeding and… I don't know.  I'd rather do that stuff with my doll than a person, you know?" I decided to move away from the topic; it wasn't making me feel any better. "But these underwear, right?  They're as thin as paper." Or maybe we were accustomed to the nine months of padding.

"I know! I feel so exposed…" A big part of me was glad that the conversation had moved along a little bit and I smiled sheepishly. "Is this what people wear? I just feel like they'd go entirely transparent if they got the tiniest bit wet…" I'd realized what I was saying it as the words tumbled forth, but I smiled and quickly and did my best to move the topic along. "Think the girls are still pouty at us?"

"Nuh uh." I didn't, either.  It seemed since this morning that the whole 'angry at the new girls' thing had faded.  Maybe it had something to do with my speech.  I wasn't sure, but I didn't like getting involved. "Anyway, it doesn't matter.  If they do, we find a new table." But I didn't want to find a new table.  The same way I didn't want to go to dinner dressed like this.  I could feel the air through the underwear, and I actually felt cold.  I wasn't used to this… "We should go.  Confession."

Confession. Yeah. Well, I had nothing to really confess today - not that they'd want to hear about, anyway. A big part of me wanted to discuss Audrey's wet fetish and my involvement, my slippery-slope of acceptance that had melted into desire. I knew I wouldn't say a word about it, though. I gave her a discrete kiss on the cheek and smiled. "Meet at the table after Confession?"

"Absolutely." Walking through the hallways, and subsequently the cafeteria, in my white dress felt terribly uneasy.  I felt like a virgin to Phase Four and the white was even more symbolic.  I slipped my thumb into my mouth - I couldn't help it this time - and lowered my head until we were standing in line.  Staycee took my thumb from my mouth and I bit at my lip anxiously.  She tried to reassure me, but all too soon I wound up in the little wooden box.  The silence of the cafeteria died.

The voice that came from nowhere and everywhere was the same voice that had spoken last time, despite the different cubicle the girl had chosen - perhaps a resultant effect of her initial choice. "Welcome back, Audrey. How have you been?" It was friendly - the tone of the last visit remembered as it would be for each and every student.  Some responded much better to differing stimuli than others: some favored stern and others detached. For Audrey, her best reaction had been to warm.

The warmth of the voice filled the cubical and I felt my lip between my teeth.  I played with the tips of my hair, but I knew what it was.  Rochelle told me about today's Hypno session, about beauty and it's associations.  Physical appearance had a lot more to do with impressions than I'd thought, and I wanted to impress her: the woman beyond the box.  But I knew better.  She was just another person this facility hired.  I knew she was as sick as the rest of this Phase, addicted to sex and out for herself.  I put my hands down in my lap, away from my hair.  I didn't care what she thought of me. "I'm fine."

"Do you have anything to confess, today?" There was only silence from the girl, though, and the voice gave her a moment to maintain that silence before continuing. "You look very nice in your dress, Audrey. Does Staycee think so, too?" Honestly, Confession was a very interesting place - the woman behind the voice already knew the answers to her questions most of the time - Confession was about making each girl have to face those answers out loud.

"No." I kept my hands in my lap and did my best to speak with assertiveness.  It wasn't a tone I'd used in all my time in this facility, not since my first day of Phase One.  But this was important.  I had to play by their rules to get out of here, but I didn't have to pander. "The currency system is ridiculous.  We just want our old clothes back." Of course, I only meant it in that we wanted our colored clothes, not our specific Third outfits, but I didn't think the wording through.

"And do you think that your previous clothes are appropriate, Audrey? Very endearing, to be certain - but is childish charm the image you wish to project? Or would you rather sophisticated attraction?" The calm voice worded the question almost as a rhetoric, but there was one very clear answer to the words nonetheless; after todays Hypno the desire to be seen as physically and sexually desirable was a spark that wouldn't be able to be quelled. And dressing like a child was counter-productive to that.

I bit my lip and looked down into my lap.  She was right.  My old clothes weren't what I really wanted: I just missed my color, and I missed the simplicity.  Buying my own things with currency was… so real.  But I supposed I needed to learn that I couldn't just get anything that I wanted.  I was a grown up now, and I liked that.  Why was I being such a brat? "I just meant…" But I wasn't sure what else to say.

"Your white dress symbolizes new beginnings; your first step into adulthood. An adult life that you may choose to do with as you please. And here, with us, you're free to explore each direction until you find the one that suits you." Pause. Always perfectly placed and timed pauses. "Have you given further thought to the Liberation Master Class?"

I shook my head, though it was an obvious lie.  I bit my lip and played with my thumbs in my hands. "I'm going to do it.  I mean, at least try it.  No harm, right?" I was mostly talking to myself, though.  I was the one that needed convincing.  But I knew this was my only choice.  For now, I would continue my domestication classes.  But one day, one day soon…

"A wise decision. What is life if not a series of avenues to explore? You deeply desire to correct the shortcomings of your body." A statement, not a question. "It might help to define your goals if you were to define your perfect body. Would you like to try?" A helpful question, this time. Or something veiled thinly as one. In reality, it was more of an opportunity for the facility to access the goals of their student.

"I'm gonna get the… surgery thing." Snow called it the snip.  I wasn't sure if that was a common colloquialism, but it kind of scared me. "And probably get my boobs a size bigger." I decided against mentioning the thumb sucking and my endeavor to get that removed as well.  I was embarrassed enough.  But this wasn't so bad.  I wasn't so much talking to the invisible woman as I was talking to myself. "I just want to look nice." Today's hypnotism had cemented those ideas.

"And of Staycee? What would be your ideal goals for her body." An interesting question - students weren't usually asked about others so candidly in Phase Four, but the knowledge of their relationship had at least offered an opportunity to study a few angles not previously afforded. It was almost important to identify the girls goals for another reason: unlike the other girls, and unbeknownst as of yet, neither Audrey nor Staycee would be eligible to earn Education Chips.

I hadn't thought about that… "I don't know.  I like Staycee's body.  She can do whatever she wants, I guess, and I'm still going to like it." And I hoped she felt the same about me.  After all, I was changing rather a lot.  And she'd still like me even without my boy parts, right?  After all, she was programmed to like boys.  But that could be changed.  Or was it already?  Her card said bisexual…

"Are your body goals something you plan to discuss, or are they independent choices?" The girls being together was quite a surprise to the facility.  It was unheard of anyone making it out of Three in a relationship, but Audrey and Staycee were not subjected to those particular protocols.  So how far could they really be pulled apart, and would they snap back together like a rubber band, or break?  In the process of the Liberation Master Class, the school would put it to the test.

"We've discussed it." Not at length, but we both knew where the other stood.  Staycee wanted C cups, and I wanted B.  I wanted to get the sex change and Staycee didn't.  There was nothing else to it, and if Staycee wanted to talk about it more then she'd bring it up. "I'd really like to go find my girlfriend now.  Is there anything else?" I tried to sound condescending, but my voice was timid.  I wasn't sure why, but the relaxing voice above me always made me feel small.  I was pinching my hands to keep me from sucking my thumb.

"Are there any further confessions you'd like to make, Audrey?" The sexual activities of the previous day, and Audrey's propensity for wetness were known elements by now, but it was important that she admitted them as well. Admitting was part of accepting. The voice didn't have a clear expectation that she'd come clean, of course, but she would one day.

"No." I waited, obediently.  I hated that I waited.  And when the voice excused me, I finally got up and left.  I sat down at the table with the same degree of upset that I had the day before.  Dinner went as expected, leaving me very little to eat and the table continuing Catcher in the Rye after meal time.  Staycee and I met with our book club in the third Rec room after dinner and sat in a circle to listen to Jacinta read.  I was still unhappy.

Confession had been the same as the day before - a large degree of pressure, a small measure of guilt and a side of apathy. I saw nothing at all of value in the ritual. But like yesterday, Audrey seemed distraught by the whole process and when we convened with the book club and Jactina started to read, I whispered very quietly. "What's wrong?" She looked at me with a little pout and then looked away. How was I supposed to help if she wouldn't tell me things?

"You're okay with me changing my body, right?" It was a question that only surfaced after three hours of listening to Jacinta read.  She'd finished the book and Staycee and I made our way back to our room. "I just mean… I know you liked boys before all this, and I really like you.  I want to make you happy, too."

"I want you to be comfortable in your body, Audrey. I want you to be able to look in the mirror and smile and say 'that's me, and that's who I wanna be' and nothing else matters as much as that." It was a long answer to a simple question, and one that I elongated even a little further after a pause. "I love you how you are now. And I'd still love you even if you had cat ears and a tail. I mean that. I'm Audrey-sexual. Whoever you are, that's what turns me on."

It certainly explained her propensity for wetness.  I felt my cheeks take color and led the way into our bedroom.  I waited for her to close the door before I pushed her against it and kissed her lips.  I bit my lip and took a step back, my hand in hers, and looked toward the bed.  We hadn't changed the sheets yet.  I shook my head in a little attempt to steer clear of that idea.  Sometimes I wanted a relationship with Staycee that didn’t revolve around my fetish.

It wasn't like me to deny a kiss, especially one oh-so-lovely as that had been, but I couldn't help the coy little smile that followed. "What was that for?" She looked up at me sheepishly, and then looked down with a little bit of color in her cheeks. I guess I'd said the right thing somewhere along the line, and I was completely okay with that. Her eyes drifted to the stained bed and I smiled thoughtfully. "We're going to need a mattress protector when we get our own place."

I shook my head and slipped my free thumb between my lips.  That had to stop. "I… um… actually, I was thinking of getting rid of it.  My little… um… you know." Staycee looked at me curiously and I pulled my thumb from my mouth to talk a little clearer. "I don't like it.  I just want to be normal.  And I want to like normal girl things.  I could use education chips.  I could make it go away."

My first instinct was to nod, showing I understood. But the thought wouldn't go away and only a moment later I looked away shyly and smiled. "I sorta like it. That it's our thing. That it's something that nobody else would understand, nobody else would get. It's special." Selfish words. "But I understand, I mean. If it bugs you. I'm happy either way." Helpful words, but sort of a lie. I'd miss it. I really did enjoy that it was ours.

"We can find our own new things." I smiled sincerely and took Staycee's hands in mine. "Some stuff that isn't so messy, you know?  Maybe we could get into dress up.  I could get a schoolgirl outfit from the catalogue, I bet." I swayed lightly on the spot, trying to be coy.  I knew Staycee liked our closeness as much as I did, but there were other ways.  Better ways. "Come on.  I'm sleepy.  We should change the sheets and get to bed."

I nodded with a smile and gently unpackaged the replacement bedsheets. I was bothered by the idea that Audrey wanted to get rid of her fetish. Maybe because I'd come to like it, maybe because I'd lost my virginity as a girl on account of it. Maybe I just wanted it to stay ours, and stay special. But pensive as I was, I was careful not to show it. I had to support her choices. It was important. It was what a good girlfriend would do.

The third day of the week had a new hypnosis: curiosity.  The best way Rochelle could describe it was "you'll hear about something and really want to give it a try.  Maybe it won't be for you, but you'll at least want to see." I saw a lot of sexuality in that track, too, but it didn't seem dangerous in the slightest.  Then again, none of what Rochelle had told me about the hypnosis in Phases Three and Four seemed dangerous to me: like she was just tweaking, not changing.  And nothing else of interest happened that third day.  The fourth, though, was not nearly as convenient. "These say Domestication…" The slip of paper in my hands had clearly been a mistake.  Staycee looked at her own.  It was our first education class that we'd successfully passed: Introduction to Writing.  It was even fun.  I wrote a short story about Staycee and magic talking socks.  But we should have gotten education chips for it, and our note said otherwise. "It's probably just a mistake.  Let's ask the teacher."

It didn't make much sense to me, actually - we'd done everything as we'd been instructed, we'd done the Education class perfectly, even. The teacher had even smiled when he'd seen our work! So how had we wound up with Domestication chips? I frowned and looked at the slip. "It's obviously a mistake. I mean, I don't mind the extra Domestication chips, but we need those Education chips to get rid of your whole Tinklebell thing." It was part of it we hadn't discussed in depth; that her choice would mean I had to earn the chips, too. But I didn't mind, really.

I picked up the notebook from my desk - one I'd bought just the day before with my Domestication chips, along with some clothes - and started up the center aisle, against the flow of girls heading for the door. "Excuse me, Mr. Noland, um… this slip has domestication checked - not education.  I don't mean to correct you… I just thought…" I handed him the little piece of paper so he could inspect it, but he didn't take it.

The instructor looked at the sheet of paper with a warm smile - the same sort of 5th-grade math teacher smile he'd been wearing for most of the class, and then offered up, apologetically. "There's been no mistake, Audrey. Your work was exemplary - both of you, for that matter." "Then why didn't we get any Education chips? This is an Education class, right?" "That's correct. However, neither of you are eligible to receive any further Education chips."

"We… wait… what?" What was he talking about?  We weren't allowed to get any Education chips? "But what about the rewards?  And what about graduation?!  We can't be stuck here!  They have to let us out!" I was in a panic.  I shook my head and held out the paper again, shaking my hand. "You change it.  You make it right!" He'd have to fix it.  He'd have to…

"Actually, you're showing as having met your criteria for Education chips and having locked them into purchasing graduation." What? Really? No. We didn't. "Excuse me Sir, but we've only been here like, a week. This is our first Education class." "And I'm afraid you're only eligible to receive Domestication chips. I apologize. Now, if you'll excuse me." My eyes locked with Audrey’s in confusion. What the hell?

This didn't make sense.  It was only the two of us?  This couldn't have been a mistake, could it?  I shook my head and followed Staycee out of the classroom. "He said we had all our Education chips to graduate.  That means that's a thousand less chips we need to earn.  That's good, right?" But there was more.  Our chips were locked into graduation.  We couldn't spend them.  I sucked my thumb anxiously.

"Yeah… I mean, it's good that we have them. It means we can graduate faster…" I didn't want to say it, but it also meant we could graduate at the same rate and Audrey wouldn't have to do the Master Class in Liberation. She'd insist she had to, though; I knew she would. So I kept quiet on that front. "We can't spend them, though… our chips. We can't get them to take your Tinklebell thing away…" Part of me rejoiced. I liked that part of Audrey quite a lot, and I had to learn to like it too. I didn't want that wasted.

I winced and looked down at my feet, walking down the hall toward the Hypno rooms.  I knew I'd have to leave Staycee there and make my way back toward Rochelle, but I wanted to walk her.  I couldn't look up from the floor tiles as we made our way toward the opposite end of the hall.  I was stuck with this.  I didn't want it, though.  It was nice, yeah, but I should be able to feel that niceness without this part of me.  I kept sucking my thumb without a care who saw.

"I'm a little envious that you get your hypnosis personally handled. It seems a lot nicer than the ordinary way." Not that I really remembered the ordinary way; it just sort of happened. "You should ask Rochelle. Ask her why we can't spend Education chips. She probably won't know, but she's probably the only one who might even be inclined to tell us anything." I kissed her cheek and smiled bravely. "See you after. Be strong."

I left Staycee at the double doors and she walked in on her own.  I turned and made my way back to Rochelle’s.  I didn't like any of this, and it was entirely evident to Rochelle as I made my way in sucking my thumb.  I sat down in the chair with a frown and didn't say a word.  It was unusual.

"Uh-oh." The nurse smiled softly and knelt down on the floor in front of Audrey, looking up into her eyes and gently pulling the girl’s thumb from between her lips. "Look at those teeth-prints. Huh. You wanna tell me what's worrying you, Audrey?" It would have been clear to anybody that the girl was stressed to some large degree, but Rochelle knew her well enough to know it went beyond basic worry. She was freaking out on the inside.

"I just… want to be better.  I want this stupid thumb sucking to stop and I want to…" I wanted to put my thumb back in my mouth, but Rochelle still held my hand in hers.  She knew.  I'd told her before. "And I want to get rid of the… wetness… thing.  But the stupid teacher told Staycee and me that we can't earn Education chips, and that's how you get rid of things like that!" I was fuming, obviously, and I took my hand back from Rochelle with a pout.  I wanted to suck it again, but I was smart enough not to.

"There's a reason you can't earn Education chips." The woman stood up and looked down at Audrey, and then crossed to her desk and pressed a button on a black box along the rear, a soft humming coming to a stop. Off the record. "There's a reason you can't do that, and a reason you still suck your thumb, and a reason you didn't have your love for Staycee stripped away. That's standard protocol here, so you know. Every single Third that bonds with another Third has that attraction taken away when they become Fourths. But not you."

I shook my head in disbelief, climbing out of the chair only to have Rochelle put her hand on my shoulder and settle me back in.  I couldn't put the pieces together… "What's special about me…?  Is it because of…" I couldn't say it.  I was legally bound, unable to mention what I knew about my past to Staycee or anyone, and I really shouldn’t make the exception with Rochelle.  If I broke that contract, the Headmistress could use any information on me and give it to the public.  Realistically, this was more in my favor than hers.

"You know that you were here before, you and Staycee both." The panic was evident in Audrey’s eyes and Rochelle motioned to the recorder on her desk. "The recorder is off. Everything now is off-the-record.” The girl remained silent and still. "Removing memories is like erasing pencil off paper; that's how it was explained to me. You can do it once and the paper will probably be okay. Maybe a second time.  But mess around with it too much, and you risk tearing the paper."

So I was at risk of being torn, and Staycee too?  That made sense.  If they kept erasing, we'd get messed up.  That explained why the Headmistress didn't want to just erase all my memories again when I found out my age!  She couldn't without risking her poster child! "So you can't… write us over.  And that's why I still suck my thumb - something from Phase Two.  And that's why we can't earn Education chips…" I shook my head in disbelief.  So many puzzle pieces came together that I felt dizzy. "But what does that have to do with the wetting…?"

"Nothing, really." Rochelle thought carefully about disclosing that the rogue technician had written that in, and quickly decided not to share that piece of information. The potential for opening liability was too intense. "It's a quirk that developed on its own; sporadic sexual interest isn't unheard of." It wasn't untrue, exactly; there had been documented cases of one or two girls fetishizing their situations. "It's something we'd ordinarily clear away in the transition from Three to Four, any rogue sexual development could impede your development in Four. But with you… well, you know the rest.”

"So… did you know us…?  Before I mean…?" I wanted more information.  I wanted to know everything.  But I knew our limitations.  I knew I wasn't allowed to disclose to Rochelle that they'd wiped my memory even though she already knew.  And I knew she couldn't disclose information about my past, even though she probably knew it.  I had to word things very carefully, and in return, she had to do the same. "The color ceremony.  How long ago did they use pacifiers instead of dolls?"

"I didn't, no. Your Hypno files are all signed off by a Dr. V. Duke. But no doctor by that name is currently working here, and I couldn't find any forwarding information." Rochelle had tried, too, but finding out anything beyond the small amounts of information she was privy to regarding Audrey was like pulling teeth. "We switched to dolls shortly after I started working here, so about eighteen months ago."

Eighteen months?  I'd been here at least eighteen months?  It shouldn't have surprised me.  I'd known I was older than eighteen when I'd confronted the Headmistress, and by then I was seven months over eighteen.  Even eighteen months was a kind time frame compared to what I'd worked out.  I felt sick to my stomach… "Is there… a way to… get memories back that have been taken away…?" I wanted to know Staycee.  I wanted to know more about myself.  I wanted to know what the hell happened!

"It's not impossible." Though, under the current circumstances, incredibly unlikely.  There had been an inverse wave program developed in unlocking lost memories for the earlier phases, but the success rate was minimal without a genius of a technician. "I really shouldn't tell you much more, Audrey. I'm sorry; but I've probably told you too much already. Please understand."

"…yeah… I understand…" I'd learned what I needed to learn, but it was only more information I couldn't tell to Staycee.  This fucking contract.  If I'd known what I know now, I'd have argued for so much more.  I'd have argued for Staycee to know.  I felt so sick. "So today's Hypno… won't it mess me up…?" I was still sitting in the chair, trying not to throw up.

"No, the basic Fourth Programs are mostly suggestion, not hard-coding. Reinforcement of concepts. They're gentle, and you should be okay." There was a pause and an uneasy moment while her finger sat on the recorder button, not yet pressing it. "If you encounter anything strange - you or Staycee - you'll let me know, won't you?" It would've been unprofessional to mention Staycee in any context, but that poor girls head was swiss-cheese formed into Jenga blocks standing on a seventy-degree incline.

"She had those memories of me in Phase Three, about the reason I'm here.  I told the Headmistress on her, and she… fixed them." It was my only lead.  Even the few moments Staycee had now when she remembered our other life, I couldn't get through to her.  She was locked now.  I felt tears start down my cheeks.  This was my fault, I knew it.  

The young woman's finger pulled away from the button for just a moment and she looked away. "I was against that, so you know." At the time of the removal, Staycee had already been considered high risk when it came to Hypno, and having to lock away her resurfacing memories was… controversial among the faculty. Truth of the matter was, she was lucky to have made it through that at all. "Has there been anything since?"

"Little things.  Dreams." My voice was meek, expressive of the way I knew this hunt to be: failed.  There was nothing now that could save Staycee.  There was nothing now that could save me. "She doesn't look into them anymore.  She doesn't think they mean anything like that one.  It's…" I couldn't do this anymore.  I wiped my eyes with the backs of my hands and shook my head. "Just put the program on…"

"You can talk to me about this, Audrey. I have to be professional, but you can talk to me about this within the confines of that." The girl was already in tears, though, and she looked away, her thumb slipping back into her mouth. "There could still be a way. It's not impossible." The words seemed to make no difference though, and Rochelle supposed they were of little solace.

I shook my head again and again, sucking on my thumb like it was an inflatable raft, keeping me from drowning.  I couldn't think clearly.  My head was full of all kinds of things I didn't want it to be full of.  I just wanted this all to go away now.  I reached up for the little machine above me and pulled it down over my eyes.  Rochelle disappeared, but the sounds of my crying did not.

A few moments later, the headset raised and Rochelle wrapped her arms around the girl, cuddling her very maternally. "Hey now, hey now, Audrey, it's okay. It's all okay. It is." Rochelle never dealt with Firsts; she didn't have much of an idea how to calm a crying baby. But she'd dealt with Thirds for over a year now, an she knew that cuddling was sometimes the best medicine for these girls stuck halfway through their journey.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there in Rochelle's arms.  I wasn't sure why it mattered so much.  Staycee and I were together now.  What our lives were before, or could have been, meant nothing.  And when Rochelle finally pulled away from me, kissing my forehead once, I made the decision: that part of our lives was over.  Staycee and I would go on living our life now, and that would be enough. "What is today's program…?"

"Social Butterfly. It's the name of the program. It's designed to help you set aside anxiety about your new life and gender and to reach out and meet people in social situations, to make friends and to assimilate into life." It was one of the new programs in Fourth that Rochelle drew little issue with, and one she actually felt was beneficial to the girls well-being. It was also one of the few not written by Dr. V. Duke.

Wow.  A program from the facility that didn't have anything to do with sex?  Maybe it was about finding new people to have sex with?  No.  It actually seemed… almost useful.  I was a little surprised. "Rochelle…" I said the words only after she'd fastened the helmet over my head. "You wouldn't do anything to me that wasn't good… right?" She was difficult to hear with the ear pieces over my ears, but I tried to concentrate.

"Sometimes I don't understand the point and ethics behind a program, but I trust that original program director knew what they were doing. If there were anything outright harmful, though, I'd be sure to voice my concern." It was a shitty politicians answer, and she knew it was, so the woman went with a different tact. "Have I done anything to hurt you yet, Audrey?" That was better logic. Kinder, at least.

I shook my head and the lights started, then the noise, and then it was over.  My head felt oddly foggy.  Something unfamiliar.  I looked up at Rochelle in concern when she took off the helmet and she pointed to the clock.  Wow.  I was already almost late for dinner. "Had to rush the program." "Is that bad?" "No.  You'll just feel a little off balance." Had I really been crying for that long? "I'll see you later, Rochelle.  Thank you.  For everything.  Really." And I left her alone, hurrying down the hallway to the cafeteria.

Things worked much like clockwork here, which is why it was so worrisome when Audrey wasn't at the cafeteria at the exact same time I was. I'd stood waiting at the double doors while almost every other girl filed in before I caught sight of my tiny little lover bounding down the hall. She stopped in front of me, huffing and puffing, and I smiled with relief. "Your Hypno go over? Everything okay?"

I wanted to tell her what I'd learned, I wanted to tell her everything.  But that was all behind us now.  I nodded my head with mild enthusiasm and followed Staycee into the cafeteria and toward the Confession booths. "Rochelle says the education chip thing has something to do with Hypno.  I don't understand it.  But I guess there are always one or two girls who get a lucky break and not have to do Education." Positive spin.  And not a lie, either.

"What about your Tinklebell thing? Don't you still want to get rid of that?" Every time I spoke about it, I did so in a tone that made it pretty clear that I wasn't quite so keen to get rid of it. I liked it. A lot. It was ours. But she knew that, she knew how I felt. I did like the idea that we had a thousand less chips to have to earn though; it would make graduation a lot quicker!

"Yeah.  Well.  I guess I can live with it if it means getting out of here earlier." That one was an outright lie, but I just wanted to put her mind at ease.  Things wouldn't be easy with my little fixation, but at least I had Staycee.  I'd always have Staycee.  I just had to remember that. "Come on.  We should do this Confession thing so we can eat." I was starving, too!

Confession wasn't so bad this time. I spoke about the things I was worried about mostly; how I'd taken on an interest to make Audrey happy and now she didn't favor it anymore. How I felt like she wanted it gone and I didn't, and the conflict therein. The voice was stern and calm as always, fueled by logic and simple terms that made it easier to think about things rationally. And I felt a little better, in the least, when all was said and done.

The voice never helped.  Never.  I felt frustrated and disinterested in my food when I sat down next to Staycee.  It always started out so good.  It always made me feel important and loved and then… it would say something that would piss me off.  I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take.  I had to learn a better system of dealing with the voice. "I'm doing the Master Class tomorrow." It was an announcement to Staycee as much as the lunch table itself.  It only ever had one time, right after lunch, and that was when I was going.  Snow had a little smile on her lips.  At least I'd have a friend.

"I'll be there. If you like, you can come to my room before class and I can talk you through some things." Snow was polite and quiet, and she would have smiled the same whether or not Audrey had accepted; but I still didn't like it. I wondered to myself just what she was like before the Master Class, what kind of spark and energy she had that made her who she was. And I wondered, with a pit of dread heavier than black matter sitting in my stomach, what Audrey would be like after hers was gone.

I followed Snow to her room after dinner had ended.  Staycee didn't come with me.  I wondered if she was upset that I'd announced something so personal at our table, and that made me think back to Rochelle talking about the Social Butterfly program.  Would I have done this yesterday?  I was sucking my thumb by the time we arrived in Snow's room, and with a little look of concern, I quickly removed it.  Oops…

"It's good that you like to suck. They like that." The quiet girl smiled and gently opened her door - she had a solo room; most every Fourth did unless they chose to share. Her bed was in the center of the room, and besides the rather ordinary dresser and vanity that all the rooms had, she had one entire wall decked out with hooks of racking - like you might see in a mechanics workshop - only lined in black velvet. Oh, and instead of tools there was a displayed array of just about every single sex toy imaginable. She looked at Audrey as the girl stared at the wall; the display somehow even tasteful in its black velvet, with the little white step-ladder for reaching the toys higher up. There was a little rosiness to her white cheeks, but only because she was aroused and not at all because she was ashamed.

Uncomfortable would have been an understatement.  I couldn't keep my thumb out of my mouth, even though I tried.  I was actually anxious!  Really anxious.  I took my thumb out only long enough to mumble: "What… is all this…" I wanted to ask why she'd decorate like this.  This was supposed to be her bedroom, not a sex dungeon!  But I couldn't get the words out properly…

"It's for practice. You only get chips if a client chooses you, and although you'll be hot property when you first start out… there are always new girls, and so you need to keep your skills up-to-date to compete." The small girl nodded and sat on the edge of her bed, smiling. "Although there is renewed interest after the snip." Her hands rested in her lap and she looked up at the anxious Audrey curiously. "Would you like to know about how it is set-up? It's split into two phases…"

"Um… yeah… okay…" I stepped up to the wall and faced Snow.  I couldn't look at it.  I was panicking and I knew it.  But this had to be done.  I had to get the… 'snip'.  I just couldn't live like this.  Snow understood, too. "I heard it was two parts.  Like.  The Confession lady told me…" At least she hadn't been lying. "And I can only do the first one my first day, right?" Half points, too.

"That's right." Snow nodded her head with a little hint of enthusiasm; so many of the other girls looked down on her for her desire to make this happen, but she had the perfect little body; curves in the places she wanted and a wonderfully petite form. She wasn't as pretty in the face as Audrey when stood side-by-side, but she had an amazing little pert body to help her case. "You start out as a Candy. Candy's only get twenty-five points, but the sexual experiences are limited. Candy is very… vanilla, though."

"I… don't really understand…" I didn't, either.  So I'd be a Candy.  And I'd be chosen to do some… thing?  Like sex, right?  This all seemed like too much.  But I'd been humiliated at this facility far worse than I could have been humiliated by any guy.  I shook my head and bit at the tip of my thumb.  No sucking, Audrey.

"You're a Candy at first, and Candy's only give oral to start. Once you agree to let a client take you from behind, though, you graduate from a Candy to a Cherry. When you're a Cherry, you make the full points so long as a client chooses you. But you're in a room with him, and sometimes more than him, and you do everything he asks of you. Everything. If you say no to what the facility considers reasonable instruction, you lose fifty chips."

I felt my stomach sink.  I had to do anything?  Literally anything?  I felt chills up my back and down my arms, my thumb slipping anxiously into my mouth.  I wasn't so sure about this anymore… "Is… it really bad…?" I talked around my thumb.  Other than Staycee and Rochelle, no one had seen me suck my thumb.  At least, not anyone who I thought had noticed.  I didn't like this…

"Some clients are better than others. But you learn very quickly that if you say no to somebody, the next client who chooses you might have something worse that gets him off." Snow smiled weakly and looked down at her hands resting in her lap. "I've done things I'm not proud of, Audrey. Had things done to me that make me feel sick to think about it. But it was worth it. It was so very worth it." She smiled a little wider and then looked up. "Do you want to see it? What you're working for?" Despite her reputation within the class, Snow was actually very demure and quiet among her class-mates and kept a very low profile. Her offer was almost out-of-character, but maybe it came from the knowledge that she saw a lot of herself in Audrey.

She was propositioning me to see her naked?  I really wasn't sure I had a response to that.  Luckily, I had a girlfriend to make that response for me. "Staycee wouldn't like it… you know… seeing someone else… um… that way…" Snow smiled sympathetically and I nodded my head softly.  But if Snow said it was worth it, then maybe it really was.  I felt some of the tenseness leave my shoulders.  I could do this.  Compartmentalize, remember?

"Nobody out-right says it, but the clients pay for the right to have us. It attracts many people with strange interests and large wallets. When you start out, the idea that some John is going to be inside of you seems reprehensible. And then it gets worse, day-by-day. Suddenly you realize that someone wanting to pee on you is a good day." She smiled and looked up at the girl; the light behind her eyes visible, but only barely. Faint. Like a bulb without enough voltage. "Eight more days, and I'll be going home."

Someone wanting to pee on me.  I bit my thumb and tried to hide the little flame of excitement.  What the hell is wrong with me?! "You… um… have a home?  Like, somewhere to go?" I knew I couldn't go home, and from what I'd heard of Staycee's past, I bet she couldn't either.  This was our home, and when we finally got out, or home would be together.  Me and her.  I felt a pang of emptiness, just for a moment.

"My Mom writes me letters every week." And that lit her eyes up brighter than perhaps they'd been in the last three months she'd been here. "She forgave me for what happened, and she's looking forward to having me home. She always wanted a daughter, but there were complications after I was born. She couldn't have anymore kids. It's…" Snow fiddled with her fingers and gave an awkward smile. "Half the reason I want to be perfectly a girl. So we can just pretend she never had the boy I was. How about you, Audrey? Are you going home?"

"I could never face her again…" I meant to say them, my family, but I knew I meant her.  I knew I meant Catherine.  I couldn't ever go back.  She made me promise not to change, and here I was, as changed as could be.  I covered up my slip with a shake of my head. "I'm not going home.  I'll be with Staycee.  We'll run away together."

"That's romantic. I've never seen anybody here as close as you two. Not in Four, anyway." There was a glint of envy in Snow's blue eyes, but she looked away before it was too noticeable. "What did you do, Audrey? You can tell me no. Most people do. But I like to ask, because people interest me." It really was about as talkative as Snow had been in recent history, and from the way she wrung her fingers, it was clear as day that it made her uncomfortable to be so forthcoming.

"No." I didn't want to talk about Catherine. I shook my head and stepped away from the wall of velvet, making my way to the door.  I couldn't be here. "I'll see you tomorrow." And with a quick step out of her door, I made my way down the hall, alone.

For all her best efforts, Snow realized that her decision to pursue her dream of being the perfect daughter for her Mother had only served to alienate her for almost everybody else: everyone apart from the men who paid to make use of her nubile form. She sighed as the girl left her room, and then curled up on the bed, alone, and closed her eyes. ~ Our large room was lonely on my own; it was the first time I'd really been here alone, and I sat on the edge of the bed, as if the stain hidden beneath the sheets would somehow bring me closer to Audrey. Tomorrow she wasn't going to be my Audrey: not exclusively mine. I'd have to share her, and I hated that more than I could put into words.

Staycee and I had a lot of trouble communicating the following day.  We barely said a word all through breakfast and we even chose our first classes apart from one another.  I took introduction to psychology and she took the second writing class.  We'd decided since we could get domestication chips for education classes, we should try to develop some actual knowledge.  Still, a class without Staycee was torture.  I wasn't sure how I'd do my Master Class that afternoon.

My penmanship was terrible for my entire writing class; I couldn't get the ink to behave the way that I wanted it to and my words just wouldn't flow, letters stubborn the way that Audrey was about wanting to do that class. Audrey. I winced and tossed the pen across the room. All eyes fell on me and I looked up sheepishly at the teacher. "Please leave, Staycee. Return tomorrow, when you've calmed yourself." That was just what I needed. I frowned and got up without a word, leaving the classroom with a sigh. No points, and my girlfriend was going to get gang-raped today. Wonderful.

"I'll be okay…" I wasn't sure how true it was.  I could barely feel my fingers as I let go of Staycee's hand.  Lunch was so difficult for the both of us.  I knew she didn't want me to do this, and I knew how bad it could get.  But it was like Snow said - it was worth it.  I could do this. "It's just the intro class anyway.  If it's bad, I never go back.  Promise."

Snow approached behind Audrey as I let my fingers slip out of hers and I looked down, trying to be strong. I hated this. I hated this. I hated this. She was mine. Mine. I protected her. I kept her safe. I… "I kept you safe. In the dreams, with the other color ceremony. I kept you safe. We were together." I barely knew what I was saying, and each word made me wince like there were razors in my throat. "I kept you safe then, but I can't keep you safe now." Snow looked at me strangely, and gently spoke in her quiet tone, "We should go."

Those thoughts, those memories… they were new.  But that wasn't us, now.  That wasn't who we were.  We were this.  I couldn't get caught up on things like that. "I love you." She looked up just in time to catch me smile, then I followed Snow through one of the classroom doors.  It was strange, though.  It wasn't a classroom.  It was a hallway.  And at the end, another door, and after that, outside.  I was horribly confused. "I… I don't understand…" A bus sat by the edge of the garage, and while it seemed entirely normal, the sunlight outside the high windows was completely foreign.

There was a small smile on Snow's face; almost like she was excited. It wasn't that she liked it, per se; but it was something that made her feel alive, feel useful. So she smiled, because it was all she had. A few more girls followed after the two, and the bus hummed to life - the driver dressed in casual clothes and two orderlies eventually joining the group. Security, of course. Escapees wouldn't do. "It's not very far, Audrey. Don't be afraid. Would you like to sit by me on the bus?"

She was clearly happy to have a friend.  I climbed onto the bus, along with a dozen or so other girls, and sat down next to Snow near the front.  Seriously, this many girls were selling themselves?  But I supposed I had no room to judge.  I was one of them.  I bit my lip and played with my hands, trying to keep my thumb out of my mouth as Snow watched curiously.  I liked Snow.

"I know Staycee doesn't want you to do this. But she doesn't really get it, does she? The need you have to be a girl." She was careful with her wording, of course, not to come across as though she looked down on the girls who didn't elect to pursue the snip. She did, though. With what she'd gone through to earn it, Snow very much considered herself more worthy of being a girl.

"Yeah.  I don't know.  I just… want to stop being different.  I hate being different.  And if I just leave this place a girl, since being a boy isn't an option anymore, I'll feel so much better.  So much less to worry about." I never wanted to be a girl, not before this place.  I never wanted to get the surgery in question.  I never wanted boobs or blue dresses or training pants.  But that boy was dead now.  Now, ever since Phase Two, all I wanted was to fit in.  All I wanted was to leave this place normal, no matter what it took.

"Doesn't it bother you though, that Staycee doesn't want to be a girl?" Snow paused, considering that what she said might have been considered rude. "A real girl, I mean. Like I am, like you want to be." Maybe it was just something she really couldn't connect with, something she couldn't get her head around, but it just seemed like such an odd concept to Snow.

I shook my head and looked at Snow with a bit of concern. "Staycee's as much of a girl as I am.  We just want different things.  Like, I'm no less of a girl for liking a girl, even though most girls like boys.  And you're no less of a girl for being born a boy, even though most girls aren't." It really surprised me that someone like her was as prejudice as she was.

"Oh." Despite the fact the answer seemed to placate the girl, it really didn't. She still didn't understand, and though she found Audrey's idealism admirable, she knew that she'd sing a different tune once she'd had to work for her right to be a girl. "I didn't mean to be rude. I'm just curious. Curiosity is a big part of who I am, I think. It's the small blessing that makes this all bearable."

Or a part of the hypnosis we're all introduced to on Thursdays.  I decided to keep that tidbit to myself, though.  The bus drove down a very barren road until we finally arrived at the back end of a large two-story building.  I bit my lip and looked up at the structure through the bus window. "So what is this place, anyway...?"

"It's an establishment for gentlemen callers." It was a fairly nice way to put it, and admittedly there was a lot more class to this place than something in the middle of New York City or otherwise located in a Red-Light District. But it was still what it was. "One of the Liberation Classes is to Dance here. It's only worth 15 chips, but you don't get touched which is nice for some."

So we outsourced to a strip club.  I knew prostitution was illegal, but could a charge like that really be tied back to the facility?  It wasn't like we were on the grounds of the building.  I felt my breath catch in my chest as we were escorted off the bus.  This was absolutely terrifying… "So… if I say no… I just lose some points…?" It was really convenient that I had absolutely no points in Liberation.

"Your balance goes down by fifty, yes." Audrey seemed to show a little relief, but Snow followed up with. "You can go below zero. Which means you have to catch up even more." No easy loopholes there, not in Mt. Calibeen. The girls filed in the back door of the club into a dressing room area; the air hung with the smell of cigarettes and fruit-flavored lubricant, and there were girls in all manner of outfit shuffling about, doing makeup by mirrors and picking out clothes. It was a lot more chaotic than the humble exterior would suggest.

I was dizzy with the smell.  The facility had a distinct no-smell smell - that was, after Phase Two.  I tried to regain my composure, following Snow toward one of the mirrors.  I had worn only my white dress and a pair of my white underwear.  It was the only outfit I had no fondness toward, and thusly, I didn't care if it got destroyed in whatever the hell we were doing.  Still, I knew it wouldn't get me far past my first day.

There was a woman that came by the group and held a clipboard, chewing gum loudly as she started to read off names. "…Imogen, Serena, Gabie, Audrey. You're all Candy Girls today. Come with me. The rest of you little whores know what you're doing, so get to it and make me proud." She clapped her hands and Snow disappeared with the group, flashing an encouraging smile as she left Audrey to the group of four and the very crass woman in slightly-too-tall stilettos.

I followed behind the three girls I had never met and the woman that smelled a little to alcoholic for me to ever get along with.  If I'd thought I felt small in the confession booth, this was a whole other story.  I finally stopped walking just as we reached the outskirts of a very small stage.  I heard a lot of words I couldn't quite comprehend and was pushed out among the other three.  The lights blinded me.  I tried to look down at the audience, but the only glances I could catch were the red tips of cigarettes.  It was another minute that we were escorted off the stage and I tried to adjust my eyes to the darkness. "What the hell was that?!"

One of the girls - Imogen - spoke in a voice altogether too timid for someone who'd been here more than once. "It's the showcase. The clients see you, and pick you. You can just do oral and you're a Candy. Or if you go all the way, you become a Cherry." Imogen, clearly, had chosen to remain a Candy. The other two girls - Serena and Gabie - seemed to know what was happening, too; making Audrey the only new girl. And the crowd would notice, too.

I looked at the other three, tarted in heavy makeup and attractive ensembles.  I only wore a white dress.  I didn't like this.  I really didn't like this.  I wanted to go home, back to Staycee, but what could I do?  I could just do… oral, right?  A blowjob, right?  That didn't sound so bad.  Twenty-five points and I could make sure not to do this again.  I never thought it would have been the atmosphere that would buckle me - I always thought it would be the sex… "Audrey." I looked up in a panic and the woman motioned for me to follow.  I was surprised my lead feet could move. "A really high profile client wanted you.  Don't fuck this up.  This one is here almost every night." "I… I don't think…" "This one's you.  Curtain three." Curtain three?  I stood in front of a large red curtain with uncertainty as the woman left me alone.  A high profile client?  What did that mean?  He would expect more of me, or was this just because I was new?  I wanted to cry, but I knew how badly that would look.  I could do this.  A blowjob.  I could do this.  Just one.  But I'd never given one.  I'd fuck up.  I was a fuck up.  This wasn't possible.  I wanted to run.  But run to where?  I couldn't run.  I couldn't do anything than go behind the curtain.  So I did.  I opened the red curtain and pulled it closed.  The room was dark, but my client was evident, as was me in my white dress.  A woman?

"Stand where you are. Turn around, let me have a look at you." The woman nursed a small glass of scotch and had a little smile painted on her lips; she wore a pleated skirt with a long jacket and her legs were crossed at the knees as she watched. "Don't be shy, beautiful girl." Of all the clients Audrey might have landed, she certainly struck the least conventional.

I bit my lip and looked at the woman in question.  She sat in the armless chair, padded and comfortable looking, with a smile a little too certain of itself.  She also wore sunglasses, which made no sense in the almost dark room.  I looked back toward the curtain, but nothing came to save me.  So I obeyed, the way Snow told me to.  I turned around slowly, my arms out at my sides.  I wasn't much of a sight in just the white dress, but I hoped it would do.  A woman.  My client was a woman.  I was beyond taken aback.

"Run your hands along your body, explore it, show me how much you love it." Her words were simple, calm and clean without any hint of undertone: clearly, a woman who knew exactly what she wanted out of her arrangement. The large white-rimmed glasses with the dark lenses hid her eyes, but her smile never subdued as she watched the girl and took another sip of her scotch before setting it down on the floor by the chair.

I did as I was told, and though I was sure any other girl would have been better than me at exactly what she told me to do, I cooperated.  My hands ran awkwardly along the contours of my dress, my cheeks lighting up almost to the shade of the woman’s hair.  A blowjob I could do, but this show?  And what about her?  Clearly I wasn't giving a blowjob to a girl.  The suspense had me panicking.  I didn't show it, though.  God, no.

The woman ran her fingers across her lap and then beckoned to Audrey with a sly smile. "Come here, beautiful girl. Sit on my lap. Don't be shy now - you were the most beautiful girl up there on that stage, the most beautiful to ever set foot up there, really." Despite the locale, despite the situation… her words actually sounded very genuine, like she believed them wholeheartedly.

She was short.  Very short.  That wasn't quite evident to me until I'd sat down on her lap, making sure to keep my dress between my pantied bottom and her bare thighs.  I couldn't make eye contact, and even if I could, her sunglasses would prevent it.  I felt dizzy. "Um… Miss…" I wasn't sure what I was hoping to say.  I couldn't tell her no - I knew what that got me.  Maybe I thought she'd take pity on me.  There was none of that, though.

"Wriggle your bottom now, and lean in close; kiss my neck." The girl barely complied, ever so careful as her lips pushed against the woman’s neck.  The timidness was unique in it’s own way, and in that way, arousing. “Very good, Audrey.”

"How did you-" But my voice was silenced with a kiss on the lips.  She moved her body for me, my bottom grinding against her skirt.  She'd called me by name.  But surely the woman who had let me in had given my name.  That made sense, right?  But I felt lightheaded after the kiss for a reason entirely different to the way I kissed Staycee.  I couldn't put my finger on it.

The woman set her hands on Audrey's hips and pulled the girl firmer against her lap, smiling delightfully as she did - for months she'd frequented this place, waiting for the opportunity to have the prettiest girl Mt. Calibeen had ever produced. And now here she was; the perfect poster child, writhing wonderfully upon the woman’s lap. "You have to grind harder, faster, push against me like you want me inside of you." More simple, directed words.

I tried to oblige, but it was difficult.  Gravity only worked so well, and that really took all the help out of 'pushing'.  And I had no leverage - my feet barely touched the ground.  But I tried.  I did my best to please the woman beneath me.  At least this wasn't terrible; I couldn't even imagine what Snow was doing right now…

The vixen ran her hands up the girl’s sides, and tiny fingers squeezed at her little breasts teasingly before she leaned in for another kiss. There was a certain amount of restraint she had to show and she knew that, but she'd paid good money, after all. "On your knees now, beautiful girl. It's time for you to show me what you've got."

I'd expected this.  No need to freak out.  I climbed shakily off the woman's lap, slipping down to my knees between her legs.  I couldn't look up, but at least the carpet was soft.  I'd never eaten out a girl before, even when I was a boy.  I wasn't sure how.  But it couldn't be that difficult, right?  Maybe a little more messy?

"Lift my skirt now, but take it slow. Slide it up my thighs, and trail your fingertips in its wake. Make me shiver, make me tingle. Don't disappoint me.  And once the skirt is up, lean in close and breathe in my scent." It seemed an odd request, but then again there wasn't very much conventional about this woman, that was for sure. From her red hair to her diminutive stature; her short skirt and long coat, or the way she spoke in just the right tone… there was certainly something very unique.

I did as she requested, sliding my fingers up her bare thigh to the hem of the skirt, pushing it up slowly to reveal her panties and her… wait, what?  I looked at the bulge at the front of her red underwear, girl's underwear.  But that was… and she was… I looked up in blatant confusion and shook my head.  No way.  Absolutely not.  My mouth was agape, trying to figure it all out.  She wasn't a girl?  Or was she like me?

“I don't think I told you to stop, did I?" Not angry words, just corrective ones. A reminder, like 'turn left in 200ft' as spoken by a GPS. "Take a deep breath, and smile.” The girl obeyed and the woman couldn’t have been more pleased. “Now ask me nicely, beautiful girl. Ask if you can play with my cock."

I bit my lip and looked down at the lump in the girl's underwear again.  She had to be from the facility, maybe here to judge my progress.  If that were true, I really had to cooperate or I could lose out on my points.  So I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, forcing a smile.  It all felt incredibly weird, but I supposed there would be far worse to come. "Please, Miss… may I play with your cock…?" Gosh I sounded silly.

"You need to tell me how much you want it, first. You need to tell me how important it is. Make me believe it, make it genuine. And then if you're a good girl, I'll let you pull down my panties." She ran her fingers through Audrey's hair and smiled patiently, waiting for the compliance she knew the girl was going to offer. Audrey was such a polite girl.

I bit my lip and looked toward the panties.  I felt my thumb at the tip of my lips.  Don't suck your thumb, Audrey! "I really… really want to play with it, Miss.  It means a lot to me… just… just to play just for a little bit… pretty please let me pull down your panties…?" I was humiliated, sure, but it was nothing like messing a diaper.  I could do this.

"You may. But you're not to touch it, not yet. Just to gaze upon it and think about it, think about how much you want it, how much you love it. And think about what else you love, who else you love." Her words were so cryptic, but they never sounded out of place in her voice. They just sounded the way she talked; perfectly ordinary.

I hooked my fingers in the edges of her panties and pulled them down.  She raised her bottom in the air the way Catherine would when I'd change her diapers.  I tried not to think about that, though.  I bit my lip and stared at the member as it swelled to full size.  And I thought about Staycee.  She told me to think about someone I loved, and that only brought Staycee to mind.  I wanted to tell this woman to shove it, that I'd get my chips some other way, but this was surprisingly easy.  It would get harder, I knew, but for now I could handle it.

"Good. Good. Savor it. Enjoy it." Her fingers stayed in the girls hair, and she gave her a few more moments of starring before speaking again. "Wrap your fingers around it, beautiful girl. Hold it, feel my warmth, feel my heart-beating. And then start to stroke. Just slowly, now. It's not a race." The small girl was certainly not a small girl when it came down to what was in her panties, but she also wasn't crude about it. It was part of who she was and accepted it. Simple as that.

I took the cock in my hands and a little blush came across my cheeks.  I'd never touched anyone like this, not even Staycee.  I wished it had been her that this first happened with.  I kept my fingers running smoothly along the shaft, trying to concentrate on performing well.  It was a lot harder when I knew I had to do it slowly.  I wished this could just be a race and she'd prematurely finish.  I had no luck, though.  She was a professional at this.

The woman took a moment to smile and savor the contact, and then continued to direct her charge. "Stroke it slowly, gently, up and down. Feel it, adore it, love it. Isn't my cock beautiful? I bet your cock is beautiful, too, isn't it?" Her fingers continued in the girls hair, slowly, the same pattern always, almost... "Just stare at mine, beautiful girl. Stare at it as you stroke, appreciate the beauty. Cocks are beautiful when they belong to girls, aren't they, now?" Such strange words.

"Uh huh." I agreed on principle.  I disagreed in reality, but that seemed to be lost on me in that moment.  I kept my fingers wrapped around the woman's penis and played again and again with the shaft.  It was almost… exciting.  It really was my first ever experience at something like this, and while I wished it was under different circumstances, I was handling it very well.

"Don't take your eyes off it, now, it's your entire purpose for being here." More strange words, and her fingers circling. "See that little droplet, that little spot of glimmering wetness upon the tip. That's your reward, your continuing reward. A special treat only for those who understand true beauty. Lean in close now, beautiful girl, and lick it up. Savor it. It's yours." There were a lot of ways to service your first client in a place like this, and this one was certainly… unique.

I licked the tip of her cock, and surprisingly, it actually tasted good.  I'd tasted cum before - my own, out of curiosity - and it tasted nothing like that.  I felt my whole body tingling.  The woman only smiled down at me while her fingers played with my hair.  This was all so new, and still… it felt familiar.  Very familiar…

She continued to play with her hair, offering words of encouragement for a few more minutes before the routine changed; a new instruction. "Now you're ready to slip it between your lips, to gently suck upon the tip, and to feel the heat enter your mouth. You're so excited for it; your heart is racing and your palms are clammy. You need this."

My heart was racing and my palms were clammy.  And I did need this.  Didn't I?  The overwhelming feeling in my stomach certainly said I did.  I slipped the cock in my mouth, just past my lips, only an inch or two inside, and instinctively sucked the way I would my thumb.  It was much bigger, though.  I didn't know why I was so compliant…

"Good, good. You're so complete with my cock between your lips, gently lick at it, and suck on the tip, just like that." Her words weren't even getting erratic, despite the fact her own heart was accelerating pretty quickly to match. "Now, take it deeper between your lips, one inch, two, three… you're so devoted, you can take as much as you like. Just relax. Only you and my cock exist right now, only you and it, relax and breathe and let it in. So relaxed, beautiful girl."

I should have been panicky.  I knew I should of.  I should have been in a rage for doing this.  But as I took the woman's cock deeper and deeper into my mouth, I only felt more and more relaxed.  It was the strangest sensation.  Maybe it had something to do with my thumb sucking.  Maybe Snow was right about that.  I couldn't make heads or tails of it, but for now, I didn't have the opportunity to try.

The woman maintained her calm perspective, her level, even voice - despite the pleasure coursing through her diminutive form. Her fingers continued to trace those same paths and she smiled, her glossy lips quivering only the smallest amount. "It's important that you see how much you want this, how much you need it. It's important to you, and to the one you love. It's important to understand the beauty taken into your own body. Suck harder, take it deeper now, relax and it'll go right on in."

I wasn't sure where Audrey had gone, maybe to the same place Colin had.  But this, right now, me and this woman, I was something else entirely.  Maybe this was how it started for Snow.  The inability to think.  The dizziness all around you.  All from giving a blowjob.  The cock went down the back of my throat, and I knew I'd gag.  But I didn't.  I had never done this, and this didn't make sense, and I just couldn't… couldn't put it together.

It was a labored effort now to keep her voice steady, so the woman stayed silent for a few wonderful moments, letting the only noise be the sound of the girl’s lips sliding up and down the cock before her. She closed her eyes behind the glasses and steeled herself for a moment, before speaking. Calmly. "The finale is so near, beautiful girl. The reward. Your reward. You must be sure to swallow it, not to spill a drop. It's your reward, and you mustn't let it be wasted."

I didn't understand.  I should have understood, but I just couldn't think clearly.  Something felt so out of place in my head, and when the girl finally quivered - it was the first time she'd given any inclination beyond the erection that she was enjoying herself - the bits of cum squirted into my mouth.  I blinked in surprise and tried to pull my lips off of her, but she held my hair.  I felt my cheeks color up.  I was thinking clearly again.  Gosh, what had I done…

The woman held onto her young charge's hair until she was certain she'd finished her deposit, and then with a satisfied little smile, she pulled her cock free. "Swallow, beautiful girl." She knew she was in a general position of power so even now that it was over, the girl would obey to the letter.

I swallowed.  It didn't taste nearly as good as before.  I still couldn't figure her out.  I looked down shamefully at my hands on my knees and bit on my lip.  At least it was over.  At least I'd earned my points.  She'd go, now, and I could go back to my Staycee.  I had so much to figure out.  Would I come back here after this?  I didn’t think so...

"Such a good girl." She smiled, and tucked her softening self away in her panties, then smoothed down her skirt. This woman with the red hair seemed to be no different in any intent than the usual clientele here after-all; a prettier face but the same overall package. Come, and cum, and go. She adjusted her glasses and looked down at the girl. "Stand."

It was really difficult to do so, but my legs managed to hold my body upright.  She was so much shorter than me, especially as she stood up following.  There was at least a half-foot difference.  Maybe I could overpower her.  Maybe I could make it past the door on her side of the room.  I could run away.  But I had Staycee to worry about, and I knew I could never leave her.  So I stood and I looked down and I tried to keep what little dignity I still had left.

The woman’s fingers grasped Audrey's chin and she smiled down at her - there was something else in that smile, something beyond malice or power. Maybe… kindness. Or affection. More likely affection, really. "This time next week, I'll be reserving a room for you. I think you'll find things will be much better in your life if you make yourself available." Her lips kissed the girls nose - a playful gesture almost entirely out of character - and she smiled. "You may go."

"Thank you, Miss…" I turned to leave the room, but the woman kept hold of one of my wrists.  I turned back toward her in confusion.  She reached into her pocket and put something into my hand, then blew a kiss, let me go, and walked out of the other door.  I stopped just before drawing the curtain, looking at the pacifier in my hands.  Why had she given me this?  Was it a hint as what to wear next week?  But why wouldn't she just tell me?  I shook my head and slipped the pacifier into my dress pocket, and followed the hallway back toward the stage.

[Sophie ♥]

Part IV: Something Blue

There were girls going back and forth through the halls, completely oblivious to Audrey's presence, and after she found a quiet little nook to wait in for a few minutes, Snow came across her. The perfect head of hair she was almost known for was disheveled, matted in places; she wore makeup that was smeared messily and her pretty top had a hole torn in it where one of her breasts - significantly bruised, like discolored fruit - sat exposed. She blushed a little and smiled exhaustedly. "Hey. How was your first time?"

"Um… different… I guess…" I still couldn't make heads or tails of my encounter with the woman. "It was a red-headed woman.  I didn't expect that…" Snow nodded empathetically.  She didn't look like her session hadn’t gone well at all.  Her top was ripped open and she had bruising around the shoulder, noticeable even in the dim light.  I was thankful my first time wasn't anything like what she’d just gone through. "It was almost… nice…"

"The woman with the red hair and…" She looked away, not wanting to speak of what was between her legs in case it was a different woman. It wasn't as though there were all that many female clients, though, and the red-headed woman was fairly well-known here to almost all the girls. She plucked a jacket off one of the racks in arms-length distance and wrapped it around her small shoulders to hide her breast and restore a little bit of modesty.

"You know her?" I looked up at Snow with a bit of curiosity, but mostly, I was trying to find a way to figure her out. "Did she ever… do anything… cryptic?  Like maybe give you something, like a hint?" I had to figure out what was with the damn pacifier if this woman really wanted to see me again a week from today.  I wasn't sure I'd go yet, but it was always a good idea to be prepared.

"No, I don't think so. She was very direct in what she wanted and her sessions were always very short. Why? Did she give you something?" Snow knew the run of this place; knew the way things worked and knew almost all the regular clients. It helped her to stay appealing even after so long. And she wasn't familiar with this; it wasn't part of the woman’s behavior.

"Oh… no.  No.  She was just really… I don't know.  You know how you feel when you're really sleepy and everything just seems to pass you by?  I kind of felt like that whenever I was around her.  It's just weird, I guess.  You never got that with her?" But she'd given me this pacifier.  Why?  This was a puzzle I just couldn't solve.  Too many pieces were missing… maybe I should talk to Snow about it.

"She was very business-like with me. Tender, but direct. She knew what she wanted and when it was over, that was it. And she always wears sunglasses." Audrey nodded in agreement and Snow motioned down the hall. "The bus is leaving in a little bit, wanna go wait for it? I bet Staycee misses you." Despite the shift, Snow was concerned - the woman had a pattern, a very distinct one. And she'd broken that for Audrey. Why? She frowned. It made her a little jealous.

I followed behind Snow, fiddling with the pacifier in my pocket.  It wasn't the kind you got from a store - I knew that.  It was too big.  It was the kind the facility had.  It only made me think more and more along the lines that the woman with red hair had been there before.  And her sunglasses.  If she would just take them off, her eyes would be a dead give-a-way, like the penis wasn't enough.  I shook my head in frustration and sat on the ground beside Snow in the bright afternoon sun.  It was so blinding next to the lights I was used to and I could barely open my eyes. "The sun hurts."

"It's because until now you haven't been outside since you arrived. You adjust, it just takes time." The girl wandered up to the bus and reached into the headlight compartment, pressing a button which opened the doors with a hiss. She rummaged around the drivers seat until she found what she was after, and then exited the bus, closing the door behind her. When she sat back down next to Audrey, she handed her what she'd retrieved - a pair of sunglasses. "They'll help."

I slipped the glasses on, looking over at the bus.  They did help, but now everything looked strangely unnatural.  I wondered about the woman and her sunglasses.  I just wanted to figure her out.  So she was from the facility - I had to accept that.  But I had nothing else to go on.  Why a pacifier, and how did she sneak it out of Phase Two?  They strip you naked before transferring you between the Phases Two and Three.

"What did she give you, anyway? You asked if she ever gave me anything, so she gave you something, right?" It was entirely not in Snow's usual repertoire to question people; she kept to herself and did as she was told. But this did make her curious. She winced as she adjusted her weight on the pavement, and opened the jacket to inspect her bruising.

"Oh, no.  That isn't what I meant.  I meant like… metaphorically.  Like giving you reason to believe something.  I don't know." I wasn't making sense.  I knew I wasn't.  But I also knew what she had done was something she wasn't supposed to do.  I had to keep that part of us secret, at least until I figured out what was happening.  I'd talk to Staycee about it - I could trust Staycee.

She was lying, but Snow was used to liars. Part of doing this class, she supposed. She didn't have much time to ponder, anyway - the driver arrived a few moments later and that meant it would be back to the facility soon. Back to normality, or what it amounted to anyway. "You shouldn't tell anyone else on the bus about how she treated you. People might ask too many questions."

I nodded my head, still playing with the pacifier in my pocket. "Yeah… thank you." For what it was worth, Snow was actually very helpful.  I trusted her, to a degree.  But I also knew enough about her to know that she was one of the best people here.  I wasn't sure how she'd feel about a woman playing favorites with me instead of her.  But for now, I just wanted to offer her my friendship. "So what happened?  With your arm I mean?"

"He's one of my regulars. He's actually very nice, he just gets off on bruises and I bruise like a peach. It's nice to know at least when he's here that I have no competition. He throws me around though, grabs me and squeezes, tosses me against the wall or onto furniture. He's always very sweet pre-session, though. I think he's ashamed of what he likes, and he's grateful that I help him. He's sad that I'm leaving soon." Snow had learned a long time ago not to question peoples fetishes, not to ask. Just to comply.

I didn't want to be thrown around.  I didn't want to be someone's rag doll.  I felt a little shiver up my spine and looked down at my feet.  I wasn't sure what to do about this.  While that woman did tell me to accept her request next time, it also meant she could do anything to me.  Anything. "I don't know if I'm going to do the fifty-point course…" But then again, without it, where would it leave me?  It would take twice as long for me to get out of here than Staycee, and I was still so adamant about the surgery. "Is she nice - that woman - when she's in the room…?"

"She's sweeter, less direct and more interesting." Interesting was an apt choice of words, in-fact. "When she sees girls as a Candy, she's very direct and to the point, she wants you to get her off and then it's over. When she sees girls as a Cherry, though…" Color sprung to her cheeks as she thought about it. "Well, last time she… laid me down, and she ran her fingers all over my body and then she… she speaks in this beautiful, melodic voice. And it feels like waves as lapping up at the edges of your body."

"Yeah!  See!  That's what I got!  Maybe she's bored of the typical stuff with Candies." It was the best logic I had to go on.  At least it wasn't just me.  The heavy thoughts and feelings were a normal thing: other girls got the same.  But none of them got a pacifier.  Maybe I could wear my Third dress and trainers next time - if there would be a next time.  Maybe that was what she wanted, but was too embarrassed to ask.

"I've never seen her do that stuff for a Candy. Ever." It just sprinkled more mystery into the situation, and Snow didn't like that. The bus continued the short drive and some of the other girls looked a lot worse for wear; one was crying and another was cradling her and cooing softy to try and calm her. "That's Imogen…  she finally became a Cherry today." Which meant a man fucked her for the first time. Some girls took it better than others.

That made me wonder… "Only Cherries get rooms, right?  Not Candies?" Snow nodded her head and I looked again at the sobbing girl four seats behind us on the other side of the bus. "The woman said… she was requesting a room for me.  But I'm not a Cherry…" Was this another thing specific to me?

"It means she's planning to make you a Cherry in that session. You should probably make sure not to become a Cherry before that; she's obviously looking forward to being your first." Snow pouted. Her first was almost four-hundred pounds and smelled like anchovies and cheap cigars. And he hadn't even gotten her off! Ugh. Men.

"You mean she's…" I felt my stomach sink and I bit my lip.  She wasn't really… was that why she wanted me to wear my Third stuff?  She would know, too.  She would know all about the facility if she'd really been there.  She'd know what I had access to.  Did she fetishize the baby stuff the same way I did with wetting?  I shook my head in disbelief and sucked the end of my thumb.  This wasn't right.  I didn't have to go back, though…

"You're lucky that someone so beautiful is going to be your first, Audrey. I wouldn't squander that, if I were you. She's always kind and gentle to Cherry's too. I'm envious." The bus pulled up with a squeaking of its braves on the gravel, and the hissing rush of air that busses always seemed to make when they stopped. Back at the facility. Back home, as far as home could be considered in a place like this.

At least that was a relief. "That woman… does she… have any particular interests?  Fetishes?  Or anything you might have been able to… gleam from… your times with her? " I didn't want to come off too specific, though. "I just want to impress… if it's my first time, I really don't want to mess it up…" Was that me validating that I'd be going?  Or was it just a lie?

Snow shook her head and smiled. "She's very vanilla. Sometimes it's really bizarre, though, I'll get so relaxed that I don't even realize what's happening. She could do anything and I'd let it happen, not because I have to, but because I don't even realize. It's sort've… a thrill." Clearly, she was one of Snow's preferred clients.

"You don't even realize the stuff she does…?" It was true.  I barely remembered giving her a blowjob, even though I was sure it happened.  Kind of like a dream.  Maybe that was why it didn't phase me nearly as much as I'd thought it would.  If that was really the worst of it, maybe it wasn't so bad.  But then again, she could do anything. "Isn't that a little scary…?"

"It is. But we have to let the clients do as they please, anyway. So this is just the same thing, except sort of more interesting. Like a carnival ride where the floor just drops out from underneath you. Scary, but in a good way." Snow waited patiently for the bus to empty, before leading Audrey off with her and back toward the main campus building. Her walking was a little limp-ish; though the bruises up her left leg and around her bottom would explain that if they were visible.

"I really appreciate today.  You've been so much help, Snow.  I've been really scared, and… I don't know.  I'm just really glad you were there." I bit my lip and looked down at my feet as we started down the hallway back to Phase Four.  I had seven days to figure out what I was going to do about the red haired woman.  If I saw her again, I knew what would happen.  But if I didn't, I might miss my chance for a really easy fifty points…

"Of course. It's nice to have a friend who doesn't look down on me." Snow smiled, and then completely out of character for her, she wrapped her arms gently around Audrey and cuddled her - only for a moment before wincing from the pain though. "I think I'm going to take a long bath tonight. Say hi to Staycee for me, okay? I know she doesn't think highly of me, but I did try to take care of you."

I wanted to argue that Staycee didn't mind Snow in the slightest, but we'd just walked through the classroom door and Staycee tackled me to the wall with a hug.  Snow gave a little smile, a little wave, and walked away.  I bit my lip and hugged my girlfriend. "Hey, Staycee… I'm okay.  Come on, I can't breathe." She finally let me go and I kissed her cheek.

I ran my hands up and down her body, as if checking for cracks or chips or imperfections in a china doll. In some way I guess I really was checking for damage. She was my most prized thing in the whole wide world. I kissed her lips one last time and smiled. "Was it terrible?" I wanted it to be terrible, wanted her to hate it, wanted her never to want to go back. But I also didn't want it to be terrible, because I didn't like terrible things happening to my Audrey.

"It was… weird." I started the way back to our room though I knew we had Hypno soon.  I wanted to explain things to Staycee in private.  I closed the door behind us, Staycee's face colored with confusion. "I got a girl.  Like.  A woman.  Except she had a… you know.  And always wore sunglasses.  She had to be from here.  But I guess she's a really big client…"

That floored me. Somehow the idea of there being a girl tied up in all of this just seemed so unworldly, so foreign. Girls were better than that. But she was a girl like us… a penis, and glasses that had to be hiding Calibeen-Blue eyes. Why would she still want to be a part of any of this? "So she's from here? I don't understand. I mean, when we get out of here, I imagine we'll stay as far away as possible. Why would anybody come back?" And then, the more pertinent question. "Did she do anything bad to you?"

"No, it was strange.  I can't explain it.  I gave her a…" I didn't want to talk to Staycee about this, especially when I'd done something I had never done with her.  But I needed her advice, and I didn't want to lie. "A blowjob.  But it didn't feel… humiliating or anything.  It just felt like… like… Hypno, actually.  One minute it was there, and the next it was over.  And I felt a little dazed, but… it just happened." I'd have to have a talk with Rochelle about this.

The answer was as clear as day and I spoke it without even thinking. "She hypnotized you." Audrey looked at me with doubt and I explained. "What else 'feels like Hypno'? Nothing. Nothing feels like Hypno because only Hypno feels that way." I wasn't sure if my girlfriend being exploited physically or mentally bothered me more; but neither sat particularly well.

"People don't hypnotize people." That wasn’t exactly true, I supposed - there were people who did stage tricks with hypnotism all the time - but this was different. "I didn't volunteer or anything." Or did I? "She can't just hypnotize people!  The machines do it here.  I wasn't hypnotized." I frowned and crossed my arms, trying to think of a better way to refute her theory.  I think I would have known if I was hypnotized! "I didn't black out like I do in Hypno.  Things just felt… I felt sleepy.  But without being sleepy."

"Maybe that's what it's like without the machine to do it?" She still had her doubts, and I frowned. "Talk to Rochelle about it, please?" So there was a woman, who came from here, who used to be a boy, who's part of the Liberation Master Class group… that hypnotizes people. "Who could she be? I mean… it makes no sense at all…"

"No.  It doesn't.  But she gave me this." I fished out the pacifier from my dress pocket, and for the first time saw it in proper light.  It was blue.  My blue.  My exact blue.  I could tell my blue apart from a thousand other shades of blue in a second, and this was certainly, one hundred percent, my blue.  My jaw dropped.  My blue pacifier.  But it was left in Phase One… but this wasn't that one.  This one was a weird kind of glossy almost rubbery plastic.  This wasn't mine… but it had to be.  It was my blue…

She couldn't form the words, but I could. I said it straight away, as clear as I saw it. "That's your blue, Audrey. How did she get a pacifier in your blue?" We both stood looking at it, like Hobbits looking at the One Ring, and neither of us could manage any other words. The stranger… she… "She knows you. She knows who you are. She knows your blue…"

"It's not mine, though…" It was very obviously a pacifier from here.  It had to be.  Unless there were other facilities or companies that manufactured abnormally large pacifiers.  But it wasn't mine. "I remember my pacifier.  It was plastic. and not glossy like this, and not rubbery like this, and… this isn't it.  This isn't mine.  It's just my color." This didn't make sense.  How did she have this?  Where did she get it?  I felt dizzy.

"…you should try it. I mean…" I had no reason for thinking she should; maybe I just favored the cuteness element or saw it as a stand-in for sucking her thumb; I wasn't entirely sure. It just looked so right in her fingers, so Audrey, so fitting. "At least it's something else you own in your color, right?" A pacifier, though. All I could think about was the dream, my dream, with the color ceremony.

I slipped the pacifier between my lips.  It felt different than my pacifier when I was a First.  It weighed a bit more.  It was probably more expensive.  I looked up at Staycee with a frown of disbelief and shook my head, pulling the pacifier out.  It was nice to have one again… "It's not mine… definitely not mine…"

"It reminds me of the one I got in my color-ceremony… but maybe that's just because it's in your color." I sat on the edge of the bed and sighed, biting my lip thoughtfully. "Will you see her again? This girl? You should be forthcoming, demand to know who she is." It was probably easier said than done, admittedly; especially for someone as timid as Audrey. But at least she could talk. One of the briefest flashes of memory in my most recent dream painted her mute. I was glad she wasn't.

The one from her color ceremony... maybe this was my pacifier my first time as a First?  I was a First before?  I was a First who got a pacifier at a color ceremony the same way Staycee did, eighteen months ago.  So this was mine.  And that meant… she knew me.  She knew me from back then.  She could give me more information! "Yeah.  I'm gonna see her again.  I have to."

"When, tomorrow?" I wanted answered, I wanted answers so very badly. And I wanted them before Audrey got anymore caught up in this Master Class. "What was it like, anyway? Is it in the East Wing? I was trying to figure that out when I was daydreaming about you." It made sense if it was the East Wing; there was a security checkpoint there and that was probably how people were checked in.

"No.  I guess they outsource or something.  To a… strip club or… whore house or something.  I don't really know.  I guess that makes sense, though - they shouldn't do anything on premises because they could get in trouble." I played with the pacifier in my hands.  My pacifier.  The only hint I had anymore to my life before.  But I'd given that life up.  It didn't do me any good.  Was it even worth it, now, getting involved? "She wanted to meet me again next week.  Friday."

"You should meet her… are… are you going to go back between now and then? I know you have to earn your points still..." I sighed and decided to be honest with my thoughts. "I was hoping one session would scare you off wanting to go back. I know. I know. Your body and the surgery mean so much to you. Just hard to know you're there and people are allowed to do naughty things to you."

"I don't know…" I had thought about it quite a bit.  The crying girl on the bus and Snow all bruised up.  But I had to get my chips.  If we played our cards right, we could be out of here in two weeks.  But we wouldn't be.  We both wanted too much out of Phase Four.  It only made sense for me to go back.  But I was scared.  The woman wouldn't be there again to bail me out… "We should go to Hypno.  I'll talk to Rochelle about it."

"Okay." I nodded and smiled, deciding not to mention my own Liberation Class I'd taken while she was at hers. It would come up sooner or later, anyway. We wandered down the hall together, hand-in-hand, and I smiled at Snow weakly as she walked past; an ice-pack held to her collarbone. "She okay? What happened?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Dunno." I didn't like lying to Staycee, but she already had so much against the Master Class.  If she knew what that man had done to Snow… "This is me." I stopped halfway down the hallway outside one of the doors. "You'll be okay on your own?" I kissed Staycee on the lips and let go of her hand. "I'll tell you what this Hypno is about when I get out." It was a ritual.  I slipped the pacifier back into my dress, still having held it in my hand, and walked into the Hypno room.  Rochelle waited at her desk. "Hi."

The young nurse was writing with an ornate fountain pen in a chart and thusly finished her current line before looking up with a little smile. "Hey Audrey. How'd things go today?" She was, of course, referring to the Master Class - something the two had discussed in basic degree of detail all this week. It was always the same thing; Audrey was anxious, but she knew she had to do it. Staycee hated the idea. And here it was, Friday afternoon; shortly after the girl's first introduction. Rochelle was curious.

"It was…" I hesitated, contemplating exactly what to tell Rochelle.  The little light on the box on her desk was on, and I knew we'd be recorded.  Even if we weren't, Rochelle was a member of the facility.  So I decided only to give her enough details to get me the information I needed. "Interesting.  I had a woman.  I didn't expect that." I sat down in the chair in the middle of the room.  It was really the only place for me to sit.

"A woman? Most interesting. Not unheard of, but rare. Did she treat you properly?" The little recorder hummed quietly, the red light shining; but there was also a certain level of latitude afforded to the girl owing to Rochelle's fondness. "Would you like to talk about it?" Friday Hypno was something that only took three-quarters of the session anyway; something designed to give the students fifteen minutes of rest and reprieve to their day.

"Interesting is the best word… but yeah.  It was fine.  I'll go back.  Maybe not until next week, but I'm definitely going back." I decided not to tell Rochelle why.  She deserved to know after all she'd done, but this was something I had to play close to the chest.  If I didn't, I might not have the chance to meet the woman again. "She did something, though.  With me.  Something Snow said she does with a lot of the girls…"

"And what was that? Nothing against the rules, I hope? You can tell me if she breaks the rules, and we can file a report." It was very overly-protective of the young nurse, but she felt an abhorrent distaste for much of Phase Four as an aside, so it wasn't too out of character. She smiled with a concerned look and gave a glance of assessment and scrutiny, as if to catch anything the girl might choose to omit.

"No, nothing like… wait, there's rules?" I wasn't told anything about rules.  I thought I just had to say yes to everything.  But if there were rules, maybe I could convince Staycee it wasn't such a bad idea.  And maybe I could convince myself, too. "What rules?  Snow didn't mention anything about rules, and neither did my book…"

"Clients aren't allowed to permanently alter you girls. That means they can't cut off your fingers, or leave large scars or cut off your hair or anything of the sort." Audrey looked almost disappointed at the outline, and Rochelle followed with. "What is it she did with you, Audrey? We can go OTR if you'd prefer to talk that way."

"No, it's… it's nothing like that.  I just felt…" I was going to try to give a completely unbiased explanation of how I felt with the red haired woman, but at the same time, avoid the mention of hypnosis.  Rochelle was a tech.  If she thought it was hypnosis, she'd say so without my having to mention it. "Okay, she was playing with my hair.  And just talking really sweet.  And I kind of felt dizzy.  Not dizzy.  Like my head was fuzzy or cloudy or something.  And I kind of went through the motions, like it wasn't a big deal.  And when it finally ended, I just kind of… came back.  Like falling asleep and waking up, except I remembered everything.  I don't know.  It was pleasant." Better than Snow's client.

"Do you happen to remember what this woman looked like, Audrey? Any defining marks or features?" Though not implicitly outlined in the rules, a client experimenting with hypnotic technique like that could be very very dangerous to the girl’s well being, especially someone as fragile and pieced-together as Audrey was. This was something she'd have to investigate further. She reached over and clicked off the recorder.

I looked at the little red light click off and then back up at Rochelle.  She wanted to stop this woman?  I shook my head and bit my lip. "I like her… I'm not gonna implicate her." I crossed my arms and looked down at the pocket of my dress.  The recorder was off.  I could tell her.  But I'd have to do it carefully… "She knew me, I think.  You know.  Before.  I don't remember her, though." That didn't break the contract, and was ambiguous enough to retract if Rochelle took it poorly.

"How do you know this? Did she tell you that she knew you?" A woman who was hypnotizing Fours and who knew Audrey before she'd been reset? It didn't sit well with Rochelle, not at all. "What did she look like? Maybe I can meet with her, come along and discuss how she should refrain from using hypnosis with you. She doesn't know your history, she doesn't know that you could be a house of cards waiting to collapse."

"She was hypnotizing me…?" I crossed my arms and shook my head. "No.  I'm not getting her involved.  She… she's…" I couldn't explain it.  I couldn't figure out why I wanted to cover for her so badly.  I'd left this part of me behind.  My life before was just something I'd never know.  But this woman could tell me everything.  She could fill in the blank pieces… "It wasn't like the machine, Rochelle.  It was just… I just got a little fuzzy.  Probably happens all the time."

"Audrey, the machines here are sort've like… amplifiers. They enhance the effectiveness of the programs, but each of the programs was originally developed through ordinary one-one-one hypnosis." The idea of somebody messing around with her favorite student was concerning, but Rochelle decided to trust the girl, for now. "Is there anything she told you, anything you said? What makes you so sure she knew you before?"

I bit my lip and played with the hem of my dress, glancing at the pocket a little bit too often.  What was I supposed to say?  I couldn't tell her the truth.  She might take away my only clue.  As helpful as Rochelle was, she was still part of the facility.  But she was my friend.  Ugh. "She… just… I don't know… she just…" I had nothing.  I had no memory of anything before.  But it was my blue…

"Alright then. Let's get your Hypno underway, then." The woman leaned over and started the recorder again, smiling as confidently as she could manage while she prepared the program to run. This woman bothered her; but that Audrey was hiding things from her bothered her more. She trusted the pretty young girl, and she thought that trust was reciprocated.

"What's today's program?" But before I got an answer, the machine turned on.  I felt my head spinning a little as the helmet came off and I shook my head with a mild state of confusion.  So much time had passed and I wasn't sure what we were talking about in the first place.  Rochelle smile down at me, but it wasn't her usual smile.  I tried to shake the daze from my head.  It was so similar to what the woman had done to me.  "Roch…"

The way that Rochelle spoke was eerily similar to a particular tone used only a little while prior, and she leaned down and looked into the young girls blue eyes - Rochelle, conversely, had brown eyes it should be noted. "The recorder is off, and you're safe, Audrey. You're safe and I'm Rochelle and we're friends. Remember that, we're friends. And friends trust one another, friends tell one another their secrets. Secrets are safest when you share with a friend, it's only logical."

I didn't understand.  I tried to sit forward in the chair but Rochelle pushed me back.  The whole room spun just slightly, like the Earth was on the wrong axis.  I reached for my pocket, patting the top.  It was empty.  Did Rochelle… no, but… I shook my head in mild disbelief.  This didn't make sense.  Couldn't focus. "My…"

In response to the desperate search, Rochelle held up the blue pacifier. "Where did you get this, Audrey? This is your color. Your blue. And it's a ceremonial pacifier. Where did you get this?" The girl looked dazed, but Rochelle simply pressed her fingers lightly to the girls chin and smiled, directing her gaze. "We're friends, Audrey. You can tell me. It's safe to tell me, and being able to share your secrets with friends makes them far lighter. You want this burden to be lighter, Audrey."

"The… um… woman…" I reached for the pacifier, but my arm felt like lead.  Rochelle lowered my arm again and held onto the pacifier.  I whimpered quietly. "It's… it's mine…" The fogginess was too much.  I couldn't say much else.  I could barely get out the words I'd gotten out.  My voice was incredibly slurred.  The woman who had hypnotized me had nothing on Rochelle and this machine.  That's what she was doing, too.  She was hypnotizing me.  Gosh, why couldn't I think!

"The woman had this?" Interesting. So very interesting. "Tell me everything you remember about her, Audrey. This woman. Hair color, voice, build, anything at all out of the ordinary. Don't worry your pretty little head; you're just sharing a secret with your friend, Rochelle. And we are friends. We're such good friends. You trust me, because we're friends. And if you're a good girl, you can suck on your pacifier." She held the blue pacifier tantalizingly close to the girl’s lips.

I felt my lip quiver at the touch of the pacifier.  Gosh, why did I want the stupid pacifier so badly?! "I… um… she was… very short… and… um… she… had red hair… and… um…" I couldn't remember anything else.  It was so difficult to even think. "She… she went here… she had a penis, and… and sunglasses… and…" The dizziness was getting to be too much.  And just as I thought I'd pass out the pacifier found it's way between my lips and I sucked contently.  The room stopped spinning and I smiled blissfully.

A penis? She came here? She wore sunglasses which would indicate the identifying eyes, too. She was a former patient…? What was she doing here, then? And how had she learned how to hypnotize the girls? There were so many pieces at play. Red hair. Very short. She could search the database when Audrey was gone; red hair, height below 5'3, and see what came up. She watched now, as the girl sucked on her pacifier and smiled thoughtfully. "Relax now, Audrey. Let each suck bring you closer to calm clarity. Awake, and refreshed now; free of the fog."

I didn't fall asleep, and unlike my time with the woman, I didn't snap out of it.  I sat in the chair, playing with my dress, sucking on the pacifier, until… I wasn't.  And I remembered what happened.  I took the pacifier out and looked up at Rochelle in frustration. "What the hell was that!  You can't just use me!  We are supposed to be friends!"

"I know you're scared, Audrey. And I didn't mean to deceive you; but if this woman had any potential to mess with your head… I had to know. I have to at least know who she is. If she's just some blind amateur messing with hypnosis she could do some real damage. I have my suspicions that she's not, though. That she knows more than she ought to." The girl was still seething, though, and Rochelle smiled apologetically. "My first responsibility is to your safety, Audrey. I'm sorry. I promise this won't go beyond these four walls, though."

"No!" I stood up and slipped the blue pacifier into my pocket.  I stepped up to Rochelle, equal in height, and stomped my foot on the tile. "You are dropping this, Rochelle!  You aren't looking her up!  If you start snooping in the system…" I shook my head, fuming. "She's my only chance.  She's all I have to know who I was.  Please… please don't do this.  Not until next week.  I have a meeting with her.  Please…"

"Fine, until next week. But you give me answers the moment you get back, or I'll be finding them myself. Am I clear?" The woman spoke with authority, not something she was strictly renowned for, but then again she was staff here. She did have to be bossy sometimes, and that had to transcend her friendship. Still, she desired mostly not to lose what she'd built. "Are we in agreement?"

I nodded softly and looked down at my dress.  I didn't like being spoken down to, but it was something that happened so often in this place that I was used to it.  I accepted it, even though I knew I was an adult.  I fiddled with the pacifier in my pocket and bit my lip. "You can't tell anyone… at all.  Staycee, either.  She doesn't know about before.  I'm not allowed to tell her…" Rochelle knew all that, though. "It would be too hard to explain…"

"I know. This time next week, you'll be here and we'll discuss what you found out, and we'll decide together if you'll be seeing her again. Okay?" Rochelle couldn't get the pieces out of her head, though. Former patient, specialized in hypnosis. She knew the system. Who was she? The variables could only line up so many ways - like a nine-piece children’s jigsaw puzzle. It was only a matter of time before it clicked.

"Okay…" I took a few steps back and kept looking down at my feet. "And…" I fiddled with the pacifier in my pocket. "I can keep this, still… yeah?" I knew I couldn't be caught with it, but cameras weren't a thing the way they were in One and Two.  Thirds didn't even have cameras in their rooms and from what I could tell, neither did Fourths.  As long as I kept it hidden, no one would need to know.  No one but Rochelle and Staycee and me.

"Of course. Just keep it on the down-low - that pacifier is ceremonial, and they don't produce them anymore. It'll stand out, not only because you're a Fourth but because it’s an anachronism." Part of Rochelle was furious; Audrey was so close to leaving this place, so close to the end of her journey and now this woman had showed up to mess things up; to destabilize her world. What the hell was wrong with her?! "I'll see you on Monday for Hypno, presh."

I was uneasy.  So much had gone wrong already, and it seemed Staycee had been right.  She hypnotized me.  She hypnotized Snow.  She hypnotized a lot of girls.  She could do anything she wanted with me in a state like that.  Was the pacifier just a trick?  Was it something she had leftover from her time here?  But it was my color.  But it changed colors, didn't it?  Some software from the Headmistress’s computer - couldn't it be rewritten?  Wait... how did I know that?  I paused just outside my room and shook my head.  This was getting too intense…

"Is that you, Audrey?" I'd heard footsteps in the hall outside and they stopped just outside our door; Audrey was running behind and I had been hoping to tinkle on her tummy before confession, seeings as Hypno finished early. Minutes ticked by, though, and eventually it was only the footsteps that gave me hope. I opened the door and peered out into the hall; Audrey was fiddling with her hand in her dress pocket and she looked so very distracted. "Hey, what's with you? Come in here."

I made my way into the bedroom and closed the door behind me.  This was my pacifier.  I knew it was.  But that woman, the red-haired one… she was… I shook my head.  I couldn't remember her.  Staycee pulled my chin up the same way Rochelle did and I bit my lip. "Hey.  Sorry.  You were right.  Rochelle said it was hypnosis." It was all I could tell her.

"That's it? That's all she said? What about the pacifier, and the woman? Is she from here?" There was so much I wanted to know, but Audrey looked at me with nervous hesitation. I pouted a little and kissed her lips, then pushed the girl onto her back on the bed, climbing atop her and straddling the poor girl. My fingers around her wrists, I leaned down so my hair formed a curtain around our faces, and smiled cutely. "You’re gonna say no to this face?"

I bit my lip and shook my head, wrestling to try to roll her off me.  I failed miserably. "I didn't show her the pacifier.  I could get in trouble.  It is my blue.  If they think I snuck it out of Phase Two…" I watched the realization of my lie dawn on my girlfriend.  I hated lying. "And she doesn't know anything about the woman.  Anyone can learn hypnosis." We were late for Confession, though.  I knew we were; I hated it, too.  We hadn't had any real time together since our first night, and a lot of that was because we'd been so separated over the Master Class issue.  I didn't like it.

"Okay, but after dinner I'm going to pin you down just like this and pee on you. Just so you know, my little Wet Princess." Her cheeks flushed and her breath caught, and I smiled proudly as I crawled off her lithe form and adjusted my dress. "You coming?" Pause. "Oh, poor taste of words?" It was immature, I knew it was; but she was so freaking turned on, and I loved knowing I had that power.

I'd made a little vow to myself to get over this fixation, but it wasn't going so well, especially because my girlfriend kept saying things like that.  I climbed up off the bed and hurried out the door after Staycee, catching up just before we reached the cafeteria.  I put my hand in hers. "I know I can't get that kind of stuff fixed.  I know they have some rule about it.  But I really do want to work on it.  I don't want to like something so…" I didn't have an adjective that didn't make me hate myself.

"Sexy? Well, if you want to be less sexy, that's up to you. But you know, your girlfriend is totally into that stuff, so you wouldn't want her to feel completely awkward and embarrassed about her shameful little secret, would you?" I felt confident and logical, and that made me smile. So often lately words had failed me, but they were working right now. "It's all sorts of attractive, Audrey. Don't be ashamed."

I knew she was pandering, but I was too aroused to care.  This sucked; all of this sucked.  Ever since Phase Four started, everything had gone downhill.  I was top of the class in Phase Three.  I was outgoing.  I was sure of myself.  And here, I felt like a kid again.  I still couldn't keep my bed dry, though that was an entirely different story, and I kept getting more and more pieces to an unsolvable puzzle.
 

[Wannatripbaby]

Should I still be adding comments? I know page 2 saw the beginning of phase 4, does that mean the story's close to over?

[Sophie ♥]

 

Should I still be adding comments? I know page 2 saw the beginning of phase 4, does that mean the story's close to over?

Oh gosh... we're about... halfway?   It's a long story!

[Wannatripbaby]

 

Oh gosh... we're about... halfway?   It's a long story!

Well then I guess I better keep commenting!

Man, I can't wait to eventually read this thing!

[Sophie ♥]

It's a really cool story.  But this is back in the day before Pudding and I did chapters.  We used to just release things in "parts".  Like how Frosty has a Part 1?  Imagine if all 34 chapters were one post!   Now, in editing, I make sure to add chapter breaks for the readers.  

[Sophie ♥]

PART V: Down the Rabbit Hole

"Welcome, Audrey. How are you feeling today?" The voice, the same as ever, the same gentle, caring tone, came over the speaker. There'd been a learning process since the girl had first started to attend Confession; attempts to engage her interest for the entire session without losing her toward the end. Today would be ideal, however; she actually had sexual exploits to confess. A potential breakthrough could happen today.

"Fine." I wasn't fine.  I was far from fine.  But I couldn't work my problems out here, not in front of the facility.  I couldn't tell them about the pacifier or the woman.  And I couldn't even mention my past, which kept popping up all over the damn place.  This was infuriating. "Can we hurry this up?  I just want to eat." I had no patience, not today.

"Today you attended your first Liberation Master Class. Is there anything you'd like to discuss?" She'd been thus far very shy when it came to any sort of sexual confession, even now; but today was a very particular case where even Audrey had to know that not confessing would result in discipline.

Oh, right.  I'd forgotten about that.  So much had happened in the past two hours… "Um.  Yeah.  I gave a blowjob.  It was alright." I was clearly distracted.  I took a deep breath and shook my head, trying to find a way to center myself.  They would notice.  They notice everything. "I mean… it was… strange.  But I kind of liked it.  I guess that's pretty good since my girlfriend has a penis and all…" I tried to sound shy, innocent, the way I am with sex, but all I sounded was bored.

"Was it your first oral sex on a man, Audrey? Would you like to talk about the way that made you feel; in particular with it being at odds with your sexuality?" There was still a warmth there, but there was something else, too. Curiosity? No, that wasn't it. An urging for more information, a deeper understanding of the way Audrey felt and the impact that her experience had left on her.

"Yes." It was a woman, though; I decided not to tell them that.  They could peg a woman in a strip club by the time I snapped my fingers, but a guy… "It wasn't so bad.  I mean, I'm glad it wasn't.  If it was, it might cause… you know… problems with Staycee." I didn't want to be here.  I had things to do.  I had to figure out what to do about the woman in question and what I would do about Liberation points until Friday.

"Very good, Audrey. You're growing, and that's something to be proud of. Not any girl could have taken that step the way that you did. You're wonderfully brave and courageous." It was something new; the affirmation, the compliments and encouragement. Until now the words had only been slowly probing, gently mapping out the girls thoughts. But this? This praise? This was something else. "Did you make your client feel wonderful? That fills your chest with wonderful warmth and pride, doesn't it?"

I never thought of it that way.  Gosh, I didn't even think about how I made that woman feel... "Yeah… yeah, I guess…" I felt my cheeks take a little color.  That was unnatural.  This was unnatural.  It wasn't like the voice to be able to get my attention, but I supposed it was quite good at getting under my skin.  I played with my hands anxiously in my lap and tried to clear my head.  But she really thought I was brave?  What does it matter what she thinks?!  But if that logic meant anything, I wouldn't have worn makeup for the first time in my life to the strip club that afternoon.  I was trying to impress.  Wasn't there a hypnotism about that?

"It's perfectly acceptable to be proud of your accomplishments, Audrey. Bringing pleasure to another person is a wonderful feeling. Do you like to make Staycee feel that same way? You have such strong feelings for her, so you must always be thinking about how to make her feel the same way you made your client feel." That the client had been a woman wasn't anything unknown to the facility, and Audrey's profile showed it clear as day; but the young girl felt reluctant to disclose that aspect for now so the calming voice didn't dig.

"I… no… um…" I frowned and crossed my arms, trying to get back to the point. "It's like I said.  I'm really very hungry.  And I have nothing else to talk about.  So can I go?" I hadn't done to Staycee what I'd done to that woman, but I had every intention to do so.  I could do it tonight.  Maybe it would sate her need to indulge my wetness fixation.  I had to break that in the both of us, it seemed.

"Very well. Confession is after breakfast on Saturday. Sundays are free days, but you may attend voluntary confession at any time. With all the changes in your situation, Audrey, additional voluntary confession will be beneficial, I think you'll agree." Students were so much more compliant after their first week of hypnosis; more willing to indulge in new ideas, more curious about new things and more outgoing. They were more sexually adventurous, a little more showy. Everything Mt. Calibeen prided their girls on.

I climbed out of the booth and, for the first time, beat Staycee to our table.  Snow had already taken her seat.  I didn't see the ice pack anywhere.  Jacinta looked up curiously, then toward Snow, then back to her book.  She liked to read ahead so she read better out loud; her words.  I put my head down.  This was supposed to be simple.  When had it turned into this?

"How are you feeling, Audrey?" Snow rarely initiated conversation - she'd speak up on occasion to contribute, but her many sessions with her clients had taught her a very simple respect for knowing her place and not talking out of turn.The girl with the black hair smiled and followed into the train of conversion; though Jacainta stayed quiet. "Oh, you had your first Liberation Master Class today, right? How was it? Does your rear hurt?" "Mallory, she's a Candy. You know how it works. Don't make her uncomfortable." The fact that Snow had argued, had spoken out of turn, had stood up to someone wasn't lost on the table, and a few of the girls looked at the quiet Snow.

I opened my mouth just to close it again.  Snow stuck up for me.  I liked that.  It was nice to have someone who understood something Staycee couldn't. "It was fine.  Easy." Blowjobs were easy.  Mouth on cock, move, swallow.  Simple.  What came after, the pacifier and the hypnosis and all the questions, that wasn't simple.  But I had no one I could talk to about that.  I just had to wait another seven days.

"Easy is usually how the girls who stay in that class are described." Snow frowned in response, trying to muster the courage to contribute another defense. Thankfully for the girl, she didn't have to ~ I arrived and sat down next to Audrey with a kiss to her cheek, then smiled. "Hey sexy, what'd I miss?" "Oh, Audrey was just telling us about the blowjob she gave her man earlier." "Huh. Good for her." I smiled, not letting the snarky comment provoke me. "I bet it was fantastic, too." "Yeah, I-" "Stop it, Mallory. Don't be a bitch. You'll never find a husband with a mouth like that." And that was all it took for order to be restored; Jacinta certainly held sway.

"Yeah, she's working those lips all wrong." Assertiveness was something I'd learned in Phase Three.  It was something I was good at, now.  I liked it.  And in this instance, when I was threatened, when my girlfriend was, when my new friend was, I wouldn't take it lying down.  I hadn't been known as the quiet pushover since that first week of Third and I had no inclination to let it happen again.

That shut the girl up somewhat and she only opened her mouth for a moment to try and formulate a response before looking down at the table with a defeated look. Go Audrey! I leaned in and kissed her cheek. "You're just jealous that I'm dating the prettiest girl in school." The comment was meant to be a high-school status-symbol-dating sort of allusion, and it was mostly. But there was also some truth; Audrey was beautiful and everybody knew it. Nobody argued.

I felt my cheeks take color a few shades darker than normal.  Gosh, Staycee really had a way with me today.  I made sure to point that out with my mouth against hers once we were back in our room. "I wanna try it.  What I did earlier.  On you.  Right now." I pushed Staycee onto our bed and climbed on top of her, lifting up the hem of her dress.  It was a surefire way to avoid any wetness, too.  I could kick this habit - I just needed an outlet.

Audrey hadn't been so sexually voracious since the first time she'd introduced me to her wetness fantasy and I lost my breathe as she pushed me to the bed and smiled coyly, lifting the hem of my dress up enough to reveal my panties. This was new. She liked girls, and I guess for the first time I was about to see that she didn't see me as any different to any other girl. "Are… you sure… you want, I mean, if you don't want…" My words were staggered and awkward; how do you try to reason with someone so beautiful wanting to go down on you?!

"No, I do want.  Very much." And I wanted to avoid the alternative.  This I could do; this I'd done before.  It was awkward, but it was normal.  This is what girls did with their girlfriends.  Well, the penis was an abnormality, but this was normal sex stuff.  No wetness, no vanishing into the lust.  I could be a normal girl, too.  And once I got the surgery, I really would be.

"Okay." And it was okay, too. It was more than okay. It was wonderful. This was something that both lives I'd lived could agree upon as a good idea. And somehow, as well, it would equalized what had happened in that wretched class. "Take me someplace magical, Audrey. Prove me right." I meant, of course, the comment to Mallory about how Audrey's prior BJ would no-doubt be fantastic.

"I'm sorry…" That lasted all of ninety seconds before I gave up entirely.  Staycee and I were lying side by side on the bed, not touching, both looking up at the ceiling.  It had been so much easier before, with the hypnosis.  It was over with the snap of a finger.  But this was so different.  So abnormal.  And worst of all, I hated it.  I daydreamed as many times someone could daydream in ninety seconds of wetting myself right there, or a pipe bursting above us and water dripping into the bed.  But no. "I don't know why… I just… couldn't… get… things right…"

There had been something I thought about from the moment she'd knelt between my legs, and the thoughts coursed through my mind. Something I'd never wish on anybody, but something that I thought might help her. I knew she hated the idea, I knew she wanted it gone, but right now it seemed as though her entire sexuality couldn't function without her being wet. So why had the woman been an exception? I didn't get it. "I thought about maybe peeing on you… but I didn't know how you'd feel about getting your face and hair wet, my little Wet Princess…~"

I rolled away from Staycee, but it was mostly to hide my blush.  I couldn't do this anymore.  I just wanted to be normal.  But this… this wasn't.  Why couldn't I have my mind fixed?  Why did I have to be one of the few who had thin paper?  But I knew why.  My mind had been wiped before.  It made me fragile. "I'm glad you didn't… thanks for… not… doing that…"

I rolled over on top of the girl and I kissed her. I kissed her for as long as I could without breathing, and I sucked softly on her lip as I pulled back to look into her eyes. I knew the wetness on her lips was almost nothing, but it was small and innocent. I kept my knee between hers and I spoke softly. "I love you, Audrey. I want for you to know that. To never forget it. You broke my conditioning once, remember? I could only like boys and you broke that. We can break this, too, if it's what you want. But we need intermediate steps. It'll take time."

"Okay…" I rolled onto my back again and Staycee leaned over me, kissing my lips and keeping her leg between mine.  She was so attractive in the dimming light of the bedroom. "So… these steps.  How does it start?" I knew she didn't understand, but I knew she was trying.  And she was right - we'd gotten past her thing for boys, so maybe we could get past this, too.  It wasn't hopeless.

"Little things. Like maybe you wetting your panties while you go down on me, but staying restrained. Wet panties are a far cry from the two of us laying in a wet patch the size of Nebraska on the bed." It wasn't much of an improvement and I knew Audrey probably wouldn't see the point; she was impatient sometimes and she wanted results. I understood that. But without the ability to get Education Chips…

I shook my head and bit my lip. "It's not that simple… I can't just… stop.  It's like… it happens and I get… lost." I hated admitting my helplessness to the idea of wet panties.  I hated admitting I had so little control.  I remembered before all this, before Phase One, and how little I cared about sex.  But it was normal.  So normal.  I couldn't even pinpoint when I'd begun liking this stupid wetness thing.

"No, but I can control it. And when you're that lusty, I can control you. Each time we make love I can temper it down less and less, I'm sure we can get this handled…" My hands linked in hers as I looked down from above and gently kissed her… then licked her lips slowly, sensually, leaving them wet and glistening. "See? A little bit can be nice, right?"

"Uh huh…" But even with the bit of saliva on my lower lip, I could feel my breathing change.  I could feel myself wanting more.  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, licking the excess from my lips.  I could keep this under control, I knew I could. "I don't mean any offense… but I get… very… um… direct.  I don't think you could control me."

"I'm bigger than you. And more assertive." I smiled coyly and climbed up off the girl. "Lay on the bed, in the center, with your arms above your head." I'd never really tied anybody up before, but the stockings I'd bought for one chip and subsequently put a run in would probably do the job. Then I could temper her and tease her and help the girl stop herself from going to far. This could work, this could absolutely work. She was right; she could be direct. But I'd handle it.

I bit my lip and did as I was told, sliding over to the center of the bed and putting my hands above my head.  I looked suspicious as Staycee climbed off me and went over to the dresser.  What was she getting at?  Before I had any more time to speculate, though, she came back over with a pair of tights she'd gotten the morning before.  Without skipping a beat, she climbed on top of me and wrapped them around my hands, tying them to the headboard.  It was so perfect I even suspected the beds were made with this intention. "This isn't going to keep me from wetting myself, you know." I didn't have to go, now, but I was very resourceful.

"Oh, I know. But I can stop you forcing me to get you even wetter, which means you can only get half as wet as a start." It was simple math. Without her influence over me, she'd only be able to get half as wet. I bundled up two of our towels from the bathroom and laid them underneath the girl, and then smiled at my handiwork. Oh, this was perfect. I climbed on top of her and smiled, sitting on her tummy like she was my own private throne. "Now my little Wet Princess..."

I wasn't sure how I felt about this.  My helplessness with my wetting arousal was one thing, but helpless to Staycee?  I felt my cheeks take color, trying my best to keep a level head.  I didn't have to give in to this.  If I worked just as hard as Staycee, maybe I could kick this habit twice as fast.  I could do it. "Um… maybe… um… a different nickname… is appropriate…" I liked it, actually, but I had to steer away.  I had to get better.

I liked the nickname, so I decided to kiss her lips following her request and pretend like I didn't hear it. "Look at you, so helpless, tied up and at my mercy… my submissive little doll… are you one of those dolls that wets itself, too? I bet you are - you see, I have this amazing girlfriend and she gave you to me, and she'd only give me the best doll on the market." Her cheeks were scarlet like beets fresh from the ground and I kissed her lips again, my hand running down to my panties and nudging them out of the way just long enough to let loose the tiniest little stream of warm pee on the front of her dress. Discrete. Subtle. perfect.

The dampness wasn't lost on me.  I whimpered in turmoil as the wetness slowly soaked through my white dress and onto my white underwear.  My virgin clothes.  And now they were tainted.  I wiggled against the wetness, but my wiggling only got me so far with the girl on top of me.  I felt my forehead heat up with my cheeks.  I tugged on the tights. "Staycee… this… um…" Gosh, why was she torturing me?!

"What's the matter, my sweet doll? Are your panties wet?" Of course they were, and it was only by my doing; but I'd play off that with a coy smile. My hand slipped beneath her white dress and fingers pressed against the faintly wet panties. "Oh, you do work! I knew my perfect girlfriend would give me the perfect doll. And the perfect doll is a wet dolly, isn't it, my little Wet Princess?"

"Staycee… I said… that nickname…" But with her fingers along my underwear... they were so thin; this was nothing like what I was used to.  The cold came quick, so very very quick, and I whimpered in a mixture of arousal and disappointment.  Why couldn't I just wear training pants all the time?  But I knew the answer to that question. "Please… untie me…"

"Why would I want to do that?" The question came coy and cute, but the look on her face showed… disappointment? She was disappointed? Maybe it wasn't enough, too little moisture…? But she'd been fine before with just wet panties - she told me herself how she used to pour water down her underwear in Third - and the day I'd seen her passed out in the wet and messy diaper after getting herself off! What was missing…? Oh! OH! I giggled and crawled off the bed, wandering over to our dresser. I didn't say a word as I lifted my dress and slid my panties down my legs, wriggling out of them playfully.

I tugged harder on the tights.  It accomplished nothing.  My butt wasn't wet, though, and that meant neither was the bed.  She was doing very well at the control aspect of this.  And I was already coming apart at the seems.  If she kept up like this, I wasn't sure what would happen.  But the cold.  I didn't like the cold.  I missed the warm wetness, and it seemed to fade so quickly.  I thought about warm water, but it wouldn't last.  Even if I wet myself now, it wouldn't last.  These stupid underwear… "Staycee… what are you doing?"

My fingers reached into the top drawer, to the back, where we kept our training panties that we'd arrived to Fourth in. She watched me, nervous, excited, on edge. And I slid the trainers up my creamy thighs, holding my dress up as I wandered closer to the bed and then… the front of the panties started to darken, a damp spot spreading quickly from the inside. I looked down at the spreading wetness and then into Audrey's eyes with a devious smile.

I was breathless.  I had seen wetness a lot as a Second when Catherine would use her diapers, and trainers worked very much the same.  I knew she hadn't wet the trainers very much, but the distinct patch of dark yellow on her yellow trainers was… very visible and equally sizable.  There were no leaks.  She was careful.  But the wetness… as little as it was… it was there.  I was so jealous.  I could just wet myself now.  Nothing would stop me.  It would be unpleasant very quickly, but it would sate this need.  But I couldn't.  I had to resist…

My fingers hooked into the sides of the trainers and I slid them down my legs, the fabric much heavier than when I'd put them on only a few moments before. I gently set them down on the towel next to Audrey and then climbed onto the bed and quickly tugged her own panties down. Ordinarily, nudity would be a no-no; but I figured she'd forgive me just this once. She had to know where this was going.

I was elated.  I was in perfect cooperation with Staycee as she slid my panties down and threaded my feet through the holes of her trainers.  I lifted my bottom as she pulled the trainers to my body and the warmth washed over me.  I was slipping.  But God, did it feel good… "Staycee… um… need… um… to let me up… okay?" I couldn't let her keep going.  I was on the edge, and I knew it.  My mind was dizzy in a way entirely different to hypnosis and I suddenly needed to pee so badly.  I could make it so much warmer, so much wetter…

"Oh, no no no." My leg stretched over her and I sat down on her crotch, my hands on her hips with a happy smile. "You're going to stay right here, with me on top of you, and that wonderful, beautiful, perfect warmth wrapping you up like a kiss all over your body." She'd probably wet it now, too; and it'd leak; but my own contribution was only to start the fire anyway. "How does it feel my sexy girl? Wrapped up in your girlfriends wet panties. That's not just any warmth… it's my warmth."

It shouldn't turn me on.  It shouldn't make me moan and quiver.  It was wrong.  But I did those things anyway; I couldn't help myself.  I felt my hips grinding against her thighs - I was losing it. "Staycee… please… it's… you're not… gonna do any good for… for me if… if you push me… overboard…" Overboard.  Boats.  Water.  Lapsing against the haul.  Warm pool water filling my swim trunks.  Showers.  Faucets.  Wrong, so wrong, so wrong…

"Good! You need to understand that this is part of you, part of us, and if you ever want me to wet my trainers for you to wear again, you'll spend every single word you have to spare right now telling me how much it's a part of you." Moderation was one half of my tactic; acceptance was another. If we could meet in the middle, get it under control, help her see arousal in other things without losing this? That would be ideal.

"Y…you're… you're playing me?" This was too much to handle.  With everything that had happened today, with the hypnotism, with Rochelle, and now this?  I wanted to be mad, but the trainers between my legs wouldn't allow that.  They wouldn't let me kill the mood.  Fuck! "You… you said… said that… no… we were… working on this…" I couldn't think.  I couldn't handle this.  I had never had a more helpless day in my entire life, and that included the damn babyhaze from Phase One!  I tugged at the tights as hard as I could, but they only stretched. "Lemme up!"

"We are working on this." I leaned in close now and kissed her lips, and my kisses didn't end until well after my hand had begun working against the front of her wet trainers, pressing, rubbing, stroking, touching; all without touching her cock - I knew what made her most comfortable. She was gaspy, her heart-racing, and her eyes closed.

I knew it was wrong, but I didn't feel like me anymore.  I felt like I was watching it all happen.  The girl without underwear running her fingers on the yellow trainers of the girl tied to the bed.  And then the arousal turned to more.  And the trainers swelled and the towels beneath her soaked through.  I couldn't tell if the bed was wet, but it didn't matter to the girl writhing in her puddle.

The faraway look in her eyes was that of a girl looking through space and time, and I kissed her lips to let her come back down. That would be enough pleasure for now, just to the point of making her wet. I kissed her again and again and again, no more stimulation though, no more rising heat. Just a calm moment of bringing her back down to earth. I cuddled up next to the girl and draped my leg over her, smiling, waiting for signs of life to return.

I wiggled and kicked and tugged on the tights, trying to get her attention.  She didn't pander to my needs, though.  I hated this. "More, more, more, more, more, more, more, more, more…" My speech was slurring.  I couldn't help myself.  I just needed more.  She brought me this far.  She could at least untie my damn hands!  Ugh!  I couldn't stop.  Just a little more. "Please, more, please, more, please…"

"Tell me what it means to you to be my little wet princess, Audrey. How much it's a part of you and how much you don't want it to go away. If you're a very good girl, I'll roll you over and prop you up with a pillow, then fuck you like the beautiful wet virgin bride you are." The words were a little crass by my standards, but I was exceedingly horny, too.

"I love it… I love being wet and warm and slippery and glistening and… and I love it so much and I don't want it to go away.  I just want more.  I just want more and… and I want you and… and please… please…" Her words were all it took.  I was so lost.  I had never wanted anything the way I wanted this.  I wasn't even conscious of the begging.

"And you don't want to get rid of it, do you, Audrey? Just to get it under control so we can have other types of sex, too, right?" My hand trailed around her straining, soaked-through trainers and I felt her twitching and convulsing at just the fainted brush. Soon I'd give her everything she wanted, but she had to face who she was. This was hers. It was ours. And I didn't want it going anywhere. "Tell me you're not ashamed of it. That it's not wrong. That it's right and it's ours and you're proud to be my little Wet Princess."

"I'm not ashamed… I'm not.  It's normal.  It's what I want.  I'm so proud.  I just want this.  I want this life and… and I want to be wet.  And I want to be fucked and I want… just… I want this… please… so much…" A lot of the words ran together, so much so I wasn't sure they even came out as words at all.  But with my hands bound, with my underwear soaked, I needed this more than I needed my pride.

She was small and I wasn't quite so much; rolling her over on the bed in place was easy and I grabbed one of the pillows quickly and stuffed it underneath the wet towels to prop her bottom up. And, handily, to give her something to rub against when I fucked her. I tugged the back of her trainers down - her bottom glistening in the light with the wetness - and I smiled in anticipation. I was so damn horny. "If I fuck you, Audrey, it's a promise from me to you that you're not ashamed anymore."

I'd lied.  I knew it then, but it didn't quite hit me until Staycee and I were both quivering messes on the mattress.  The sheets were somehow spared from our playtime, but our towels were not.  We'd need to order two more or wait until Sunday for the laundry.  I kept lying to Staycee that weekend, about how I'd accepted it, about how it was all okay.  It wasn't. "Make it go away." Rochelle had only just looked up from her desk.  I had to wait until Monday to see her and that long had just about killed me. "I don't want to like the wetting stuff anymore."

"You know I can't do that, Audrey. It's too risky; the ramifications could be disastrous." The girl was exhausted, though, the drawn features and sunken gaze of a girl spent wearing a brave face. "Any tampering could risk the worst possible outcomes. Like pulling on a thread that hangs from a shirt… once it starts to unravel…" Rochelle apologized as best she could, but she knew it wouldn't be enough for Audrey. Likewise, elsewhere in the facility, somebody else was learning something very new about the girl.

"I don't care!  I just want it gone!  I don't care what the risks are!" I stormed away from the desk, toward the chair in the center of the room, and the back to the desk again. "I just want to be the kind of person I want to be.  And this is interfering.  I'm just so tired of being… easy.  A few nice words and I'm twirling my hair.  A few fingers in my hair and I'm sucking some girl's penis!  And when I'm wet?  Do you know how difficult it is to shower?  And every trip to the bathroom is an internal battle.  And I just don't want it anymore.  I don't care what happens…"

"You'd risk losing who you are, Audrey. Risk losing you, risk losing your love for Staycee. Is that worth it to you? I can give you some psychotherapy; arrange one class a day, three days a week, where we see each other and talk about it. But using hypnosis to cure you of this is… reckless. You could end up as a vegetable in bed. Is it worth putting her through losing you?" Rochelle didn't like to preach, but this was just too much. Irresponsible.

My lip quivered as I tried to think of a response.  But Rochelle was right.  I couldn't risk leaving Staycee.  I shook my head and sat down in the chair in the middle of the room.  She climbed up from her desk. "Fine.  Psychotherapy.  Whatever it takes." It was all I could offer myself.  It was the only thing without an inherent risk.  And I couldn't risk Staycee…

"I'll have to make up a lesson plan and get it approved; but I can rush that. My schedule is fairly full, but I can see you after dinners. Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. I think.  But I need to talk to the Headmistress." Of course, that conversation would occur in approximately four minutes when the Headmistress - having been informed of Audrey's rogue fetish - walked through the door.  There was still three minutes and thirty seconds until that happened, though.

"Fine.  That's fine…" I sighed and crossed my arms, looking down at the floor.  I didn't like this, but it was the only option. "So.  Same Monday procedure, then?" The reinforcement of acceptance in new things.  It seemed so counter productive to what I was trying to achieve, but I had so little choice in the matter.  I just had to dissociate.  Compartmentalize.  Rochelle put the helmet over my eyes and plugged my ears in.  I felt the machine turn on.

When the program ended, there was the sound of voices that filled Audrey's ears. ''…-thorized programming, Rochelle." "No, the program existed pre-Fourth." "Do you mean to imply it happened in Third?" "It had to have." "And reprogramming isn't an option?" "You know it's not, Headmistress." And then a pause. "Headmistress, where is Doctor Duke?" "That's confidential, Rochelle." "If you want this girl to be your perfect promotional piece, having random remnants left behind by a rogue tech is going to look really bad. I can't fix this without breaking her." "And you think Velvet Duke can?" "I know nobody else can. Oh, she's awake."

The light was surreally bright, even in the dim room.  I looked up at the Headmistress who stood near Rochelle's desk. "Um… hi…" The Headmistress gave me a courteous smile - the kind that isn't at all happy to see me - and Rochelle bit her lip.  I wasn't sure I'd ever seen Rochelle bite her lip.  "Um… what's… what's going on?  Why are you here?" I couldn't make heads or tails of the conversation they'd had; nothing beyond myself as their topic.

"Audrey, I'd like you to tell me about your wetting fetish." The Headmistress didn't have the same panache for dealing with sensitive issues that any of the doctors did; she spoke only business and she stayed direct. This presented a potential stumbling block to her plans and it had to be mitigated. Simple as that. Rochelle frowned and leaned against her desk, mouthing 'sorry' and motioning to the blinking light on the recorder.

I opened my mouth in surprise and looked from Rochelle to the recorder on her desk.  I checked the clock.  The program was rushed.  I'd only been out for fifteen minutes, which explained the dizziness.  I shook my head and tried to think of a convincing lie. "Um… that's not… what we were talking about.  It's not like… I just… what I meant was…" Gosh, this was difficult.  I couldn't even remember what I'd said fifteen minutes ago! "I just had a problem.  Bedwetting.  Trying to… get it under control.  I thought… Rochelle could help.  With her… nursing and… technician… expertise…" That held up, right?

"Audrey, are you reliant on this? I'm aware that you're sexually active with Staycee." She paused and looked to Rochelle. "Leave us." The nurse sighed and nodded, hurrying out of the room and leaving the two behind. "Audrey. You're so close to completion. Why are you risking this with fetishes like this?"

Yeah, like I want this? "I really don't know what you're talking about Headmistress…" I couldn't give her another reason to keep me here.  I couldn't give her a reason to try to fix her poster child at the risk of leaving Staycee alone.  It wasn't worth it.  I could see a real shrink when I got out of here, someone who could actually help me.  Or I could track down that Duke person.  But right now, it was about survival.  I had to get out of here with Staycee, and that was my goal.

"We're not able to perform any further hypnosis on you, Audrey. Not without risk of destruction of our poster child. How can you reassure me that this won't be an issue again? This cannot come up." There was something in the woman’s voice, something that wasn't usually present. Something new. Concern. Worry. Stress. So close to the pinnacle moment of her career and now this complication.

"I really don't-" But she wouldn't have any of that.  She clicked off the little recorder and walked over to me.  I slid backward in the chair, biting at my lip. Off the record.  This scared me. "I'm… trying to control it.  Trying to get better… it's just… not working.  Staycee's helping, too.  Trying to make it go away." That would cement our relationship - she wouldn't take Staycee from me, now.  She couldn't anyway: the contract. "I am trying…"

"When, Audrey? When did this start?" She had a pretty good idea, owing to Audrey. Her terrible little failure; the rogue Hypno-tech that had gone beyond his boundaries. If she'd only known earlier, if she'd been able to reverse it earlier. She needed Velvet Duke. It was frustrating, knowing how close she was to perfection. "Tell me everything you know."

"I… I don't know!  I don't know anything!  It has been this way since Phase Three, and…" I bit my lip and tried to sit forward in the chair again.  The Headmistress pushed me back.  She towered over me.  I didn't like feeling so small, and it was so often a feeling I had.  I felt like crying, but I wasn't a child anymore.  I was a Fourth.  I couldn't cry. "I… I don't know… I don't…"

She turned away in frustration and shook her head, walking over to the desk and slipping a pack of cigarettes out of her coat pocket. She placed one to her lips and lit it with the lighter in her other hand before taking a long draw. She only smoked when she was stressed. She turned and leaned against the desk, arms crossed, cigarette to her lips. "I've put so much effort into you, Audrey. So much effort to get this right. And your poor little brain can't take anymore rewriting." Another draw. "It leaves me in a sticky situation."

"I won't tell anyone, then…" I wasn't sure what exactly it implicated or why it was such a bad thing, but that much was very obvious with the way she spoke.  I sat up slowly in the chair and climbed up to my feet.  The Headmistress still towered over me.  I flattened the blue - my blue - dress I was wearing.  It had been my favorite since starting to build a wardrobe.  I even looked like an adult.  A teenager, at least. "I want it to go away, too."

"It's not designed to go away." She hadn't meant to implicate the facility in that statement, but she had nobody else she could express her frustrations to. Another drag on her cigarette and she looked back at the girl. "It can be overwritten, or unraveled. Your head's too messed up to overwrite.  Ugh, Velvet… fucking pint-sized bitch. Never should have let her go." The Headmistress shook her head. She hated this, but what else could be done?

The smell of cigarette smoke reminded me so much of the strip club last Friday.  I was so unaccustomed to smell unless it was meal time.  Who was Velvet?  Why is she so important…?  Wasn't she just another tech?  I knew very little about the doctor in question - only what Rochelle had told me.  But there was something more pressing. "You did this to me?!"

The Headmistress should have stopped; but what could Audrey do, really? She had no control here. "No you silly little airhead, the tech who tried to rape you did this. He was grooming you to be his perfect little sex doll. The program he wrote to you is intended for Fourths; we used to punish Fourths by giving them fetishes; but that was two years ago. Those programs are depreciated; they're not even serial-number registered which is why we didn't pick it up that he'd used it on you."

…he… the man… I felt the cold wash over me.  I'd have this forever, and it was that man's fault?  He did this to me?  I shook my head, slowly at first, in disbelief, but it soon turned to panic.  I shook my head again and again and again and again, trembling where I stood, hugging myself.  He'd tampered with my head.  What else did he do?  I was falling apart.  I started to cry.  And then I started to scream.  He did this.  He invaded me.  He changed me.  That man.  Him.  

"Rochelle! Get in here, sedate her." The doors opened and there was a flurry of bodies - first Rochelle as she rushed to prepare a needle, and then two orderlies that held Audrey to pry her fingernails away from the skin on opposing arms. She screamed, and she tossed and turned and shook her head in denial and disbelief, and it wasn't until a minute after the needle plunger depressed into her arm that the girl calmed, and then slept. She'd wake up in a hospital bed, a drip in her arm.  Unbeknownst to the girl… this was the same bed by sheer coincidence that she'd spent so long in once before.

I sat upright in a panic, but the hospital appeared around me and I shook my head of the haze.  I tried to climb out of the bed, but my wrist was cuffed to the side.  I looked at the cuffs with confusion.  Oh right.  I'm a prisoner.  I looked down at the gown over my body and tried to remember what happened.  That man.  He broke me.  I fell back to the bed and looked at the ceiling.  He killed Audrey.  Who was I now?  

"Hello, Audrey." The voice was familiar. Rochelle. She pushed past the curtain and sat down next to the girl on the bed, looking at her chart. "How are you feeling, my lovely?" It'd been almost a day and a half since she'd freaked out; Staycee had been endlessly problematic in demanding answers nobody could give her and now that the girl was awake, Rochelle hoped she could get things back to normality.

"What day is it?  I need to get back to Staycee…" I had such little will left.  I knew I did.  But I faked it.  I didn't care about myself or my life or getting out of here or being a poster child.  But Staycee… I cared about Staycee.  And the woman at the strip club.  I cared about her now, too.  If I couldn't be Audrey, then I'd be whoever I was supposed to be before all this.  I'd get answers from the one who gave me the pacifier.  Little did I know, the pacifier wasn't mine anymore.  It was the Headmistress's now.

"It's Wednesday, early morning. About 7am. Staycee's been going crazy looking for you, but we're not allowed to tell anybody. The Headmistress is in damage control; she's concerned about losing her prized specimen. But she said she has a solid lead on Dr. Duke, which means we might be able to get that fetish stripped away out of your head after all." The girl looked away with no sense of hope in her eyes, and Rochelle continued. "Are you hungry?"

I shook my head.  It was Wednesday.  I still had time.  I could get back to my routine and meet the red haired woman.  She could tell me about my life and I could try to insert myself into that one.  Colin was dead, and now so was Audrey.  I was empty.  I needed something to hold onto… "I just want to go back and see Staycee…" But it wasn't that easy.  I still had answers and the Headmistress still had questions.  

"The Headmistress is on her way down.  She found the pacifier. I haven't told her much: just that you had it on you during one of our sessions. But she knows, Audrey. She knows when it's from, and she knows you didn't have it when you became a Fourth. Be honest with her… I know it's hard, but she could be your best chance to make all this right." The girl avoided eye contact, though, and a moment after that, the Headmistress arrived.

Rochelle sat in the corner after raising my bed.  I looked toward the Headmistress with contempt, then looked back toward Rochelle.  I didn't want to see her.  I just wanted to see Staycee.  I just wanted to get out of this fucking hospital bed. "I want to go back to my room now.  I want to start classes and get out of here." I wanted to meet that woman again.

The Headmistress set the pacifier down on the bed for Audrey to see. "I want to know about this. About where you got it. Who gave it to you." The girl shrugged and the Headmistress lowered her tone. "You'll tell me, or I'll keep you here in this hospital bed until long after Staycee graduates." It was harsh, but she was done messing around. The pacifier could lead her to Velvet Duke, and that could lead to the restoration of her broken trophy.

"I'm not telling you a damn thing!" I was so very rarely angry, but I was furious. "You let that guy fuck around inside my head!  You are in charge of this place, aren't you?!  How could you let something like that happen?!  How could you let a man screw around in the head of your fucking poster girl?!  No.  I'm not telling you a damn thing because this is your fault!” I took the pacifier from the counter and held it up. "And this is mine.  Keep your hands off my stuff."

"I'll return tomorrow and see if you're more compliant. It's a shame. Staycee isn't doing so well without you." She smiled and stood up, speaking to Rochelle but loud enough for Audrey to hear. "Sedate her… mildly. I don't want her asleep, just too calm to be able to find any motivation." Rochelle took a deep breath and looked down. She didn't like this.

"You won't.  You know this is crap!  You know she shouldn't be able to do this to me!" But Rochelle shook her head and put the little plunger into the IV.  I shook my head again and tried to climb off the bed.  Rochelle only had to hold me down for a minute before I stopped resisting.  I wanted to say I kept hold of that anger, but the moment the drugs hit me… I didn't feel it any more.  I didn't feel anything.

Rochelle came back a lot that day - she brought meals that - more often than not - she had to feed to Audrey. And she helped her to the bathroom; diapers were typical for patients as zonked out as she was, but she thought better to spare Audrey that displeasure. Late in the evening, she sat next to the girl and sighed, running her hands through the girl’s hair for a moment. "I hope you cooperate. She's angry and hard, but she wants to do right by you, even if it's for her own reasons. Goodnight, Audrey."

It was Thursday.  I couldn't stay here.  I had to get back to Phase Four and get on that bus.  She'd requested a room for me.  If I didn't show… I shook my head, still dizzy from the drugs.  It was just past lunch time when the Headmistress returned.  I frowned and crossed my arms.  I'd been off the sedative since breakfast. "If you keep me here, you'll lose your job." I thought of a lot of retorts, but I thought this would stick the best. "You have to let me go."

It was a different approach today. Something new. Softer. "Audrey, that pacifier could be the only link we have that could lead us to Velvet Duke. That woman could be the answer to this. With her back here with us, we could extract out that fetish and leave the rest of you intact. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Nothing would have to change; only you'd be able to enjoy a happy, healthy sex-life with the girl you love."

"Why would she even agree to help you?  She left this place.  She jumped off the radar, right?" The Headmistress looked concerned.  It wasn't something she had found a work around for. "Now let me go back to my room.  You holding me here just means I don't get chips, and no chips means I am stuck here longer.  And the more days I'm here, the more likely it is you'll lose your job."

"Rochelle, give her the shot." The girls eyes looked panicked and the Headmistress smiled, smugly. "We're going to give you a little something to help you talk. A light hypnotic drug. I'll get my answers out of you, Audrey, and then you can go back to your regular schedule. You know I heard that Staycee got in a fight with one of the other students? It didn't go well for her. She really needs you."

The smugness fell from my face.  I tore the IV from my arm, blood starting to drift down to my elbow, and tried to run from the bed.  The Headmistress even stepped out of the way for me, or maybe it was for the two orderlies behind me. "Let me go!  Let me see her!  You let me go right now, right now!" The blood dripped onto the mattress as the orderlies held me down.  I wasn't sure how far I planned to get - my wrist was still cuffed to the bed.  I whimpered and kicked my feet. "Let me up!  Let me go!"

"The pacifier. Tell me where you got it. Tell me everything, and I'll let you go back to Staycee. Or, I can have Rochelle give you the shot and then maybe keep you sedated for another day, to boot." The Headmistress got her way; she always got her way. She was ruthless and thorough and resourceful; she didn't herself get beat by bratty children like Audrey.

"It was on my bed!  Okay!" I kept kicking and screaming and whimpering and pulling, but it did nothing for me.  The orderlies held me in place. "Friday, after lunch!  I walked in my room, and it was there, just sitting there, and I knew it was mine, because the blue, but I didn't remember, and I thought about the before, before and… and it was mine!  Please let me go, please let me see Staycee!" I wasn't sure how convincing my lie was, but I couldn't tell her the truth.  They wouldn't let me go.  I had to visit that woman again.  If they knew she'd given me the pacifier, I'd never get to talk to her.  And I needed to.

"Let her go, then take her back to her room." Everybody in the room looked shocked, but Audrey didn't hesitate as she was uncuffed and led out past the curtain. Rochelle frowned and looked at the woman. "What was that?" "Somebody gave it to her. Somebody she'll go back to. We just need to keep an eye on her."

By the time I was processed from the hospital wing, it was just before dinner.  I'd missed my chance today.  But tomorrow was Friday and that was the day she told me to go back.  I'd find her.  I'd ask what was happening.  She'd fill me in.  I was confident of it, now.  She wasn't bad.  She was helpful.  Staycee tackled me as I walked into the cafeteria and I toppled over onto the ground.  I was still dizzy from the sedatives. "Hey sweetie…"

"I was so worried, so worried, I… nobody would tell me anything and…" My nose was swollen, red and purple around the bridge, and I had a nasty cut on my lip that made me wince when I kissed her, but I didn't really care about any of that. I had my Audrey back. "You just disappeared… I was so scared. Please don't ever do that again? Take me with you everywhere. Okay? That's the rule." There were girls looking at the spectacle of the two of us, but mostly everybody had returned to their own business.

My right arm had a huge bruise all around the center.  Staycee inspected it. "I pulled my IV out… stupid idea, I guess…" I bit my lip and took Staycee's hand and led her out of the cafeteria.  I was starving, but now wasn't the time.  I looked around for any sign of anyone, but I saw nobody.  Still, I whispered. "I found this pacifier on my pillow.  Friday afternoon.  That's the story.  The only story.  Got it?" I put the pacifier back into my dress pocket.

"Yeah, you called me out of the shower to ask where I'd found it, but I had no idea. Guess it got put there while I was showering." I spoke with all the convincing conviction of the boy I'd once been and I smiled, following. "Come on, let's eat and then go cuddle. I miss cuddling." I missed a lot of things, but holding the girl I loved in my arms was the most pressing issue.

"I have to see her.  You understand." Staycee nodded. "But we have to be normal.  And that means… you have to be upset…" She nodded again.  I told her about what happened, or at least, everything I could.  I told her about the wetness fetish and how it was put there by that guy.  I told her about the pacifier and how it had some link to the old tech.  She didn't understand that, but with a bit of explanation about the color changing guard, she accepted it.  We spent Friday morning taking one Domestication and one Education class.  We were normal.  Everything was ready.  I took her hand and led her down toward the door where Snow was waiting.  Here goes nothing…

Snow wore an affable smile and waved a little, happy to see Audrey safe after her days away. To be honest, she was happy for Staycee, too; the altercation that Staycee had been involved in had been the talk of the table. She didn't mean it, she was just desperate. Snow understood that. "Hullo, Audrey. Staycee." She had a curt smile and she reached out her hand to take Audrey's. "Don't worry, Staycee. I'll take care of her. I promise."

Staycee's frown, her act, it was perfect.  I bit my lip and gave her a little wave and a kiss on the cheek. "Be back soon.  Promise.  Meet you right here." She nodded and I went through the door with Snow.  I turned back toward the closed door.  So far, so good.  The pacifier sat in the pocket of my dress - something particularly more revealing and sexual than the last time.  I had to make the facility think my trip to the strip club had no ulterior motives.

"You look very very attractive, Audrey. You're going to be very popular." Snow smiled reassuringly and held the girl’s hand - as much for her own comfort at having non-sexual-human-contact as for the benefit of Audrey. She remembered full-well that today was the day that Audrey was due to become a Cherry with the red-headed woman. It was sweet. She led the girl onto the bus and sat down next to her.

"Is it going to hurt…?" She wouldn't.  I didn't know for sure, but the red headed woman wouldn't do it.  And if she did, she'd hypnotize me.  But I had to play my part.  I decided not to mention that Staycee had already had sex with me twice.  The idea of being a virgin was the only cover I had in a place like this.  If Snow knew the truth, it might complicate things.

"A little bit, but it's like… spicy food. At first it's uncomfortable, but you keep going back for more and you don't really know why. And then that burning… when it becomes numbness? You crave that wonderful tingling, and it makes you feel wonderful. I think that's what it's like." Snow was introspective, stuck on the memory of her first time. Of the day she realized how much of a girl she'd become; that the boy she once was simply disappeared along the way.

"She'll be kind… the way you tell it, she'll be kind…" And I relied on it.  The bus pulled up behind the building the same way it had the week before and I looked up the road we'd come down.  I suspected I'd see the Headmistress following me, but she did no such thing.  I bit my lip and followed Snow inside.  The smell of cigarettes came back to me and I almost lost it.  I couldn't stop thinking about what that pervert had done to me.

The woman showed up like last time; the checklist of names of those who were going to be taken to the Candy stage. Serena and Gabie were called, still Candies. Imogen had become a Cherry the last time Audrey had been here, but there were no more tears for her, her sorrow replaced by hot-pants and stilettos. Snow smiled reassuringly at Audrey. She wasn't called for the stage, but that was because she'd been booked. The woman flipped pages. "Snow, you're with Barlow today. He's booked you. Audrey. You're in room ten-twenty-two. Second floor, end of the hall."

This was it: answers.  The blanks in my life could be solved by the woman behind this door.  I hesitated, fiddling with the pacifier in the pocket of my lacy dress.  She would tell me everything.  I knew it.  Or the alternative… she would fuck me.  And I would cry, and I'd go home and tell the Headmistress everything, in hopes she could give me a scrap of my memories back.  I hoped beyond hoped it wasn't the latter.  I knocked twice on the door.

"Come." The voice was familiar, and when Audrey opened the door, the woman was sitting on the edge of a large heart-shaped bed. Dark glasses. Short skirt, long jacket, and a large, wide-rimmed hat dressed in some arrangement of taffeta. It would look ridiculous on anybody else, but she'd made it work. The door clicked shut and the woman looked Audrey up and down from behind those glasses, and her painted lips curled into a smile. "You dressed sexy. Smart. We're alone." In simple terms, 'alone' meant that the Cherry rooms weren't under surveillance.

"You're Velvet, aren't you…?" The smile played on the short woman's lips an extra moment before nodding.  My heart was racing.  It had been a guess, but it fit.  She was short, she was knowledgable of hypnosis, and she had access to my past. "You might just want to have sex with me - I'm not sure yet - but the Headmistress is looking for you.  She found the pacifier.  She wants you to…" I bit my lip and looked down at my feet, "to fix me.  Is that possible…?"

For the first time the woman took off her glasses, letting her blue eyes twinkle. The hat followed, and she shook out her hair with her hands, returning the red locks to their normal resting state. Like this she resembled mostly how she'd been before; though she was almost certain she wouldn't be remembered. "I can put you back the way you were. But there's a cost. A trade off."

I looked at the door behind me and jiggled the handle.  It was locked.  From the outside?  I side-stepped around Velvet, making my way to the other side of the heart-shaped bed.  I was cautious.  I wanted to ask if we were friends, but she could lie.  Everyone lied nowadays.  Except Staycee.  I couldn't even trust Rochelle after the stunt she pulled, though she did cover for me.  I bit my lip. "What do you mean put me back?  And what do you mean a trade off?  Start from the beginning."

"I can give you your memories back." That was the simple side of things, the easy part to explain. The rest… not so much. "It's complicated. Along with the memories you'll also inherit your anxieties, your insecurities and your challenges. It's all-or-nothing, and it's the best I can offer. She'll be here soon, so you need to decide."

"She…?" Velvet nodded her head and I bit my lip. "Oh… right…" The Headmistress would be here.  She would take Velvet.  But she couldn't.  The facility wasn't the police; they couldn't abduct people.  But then what would happen… "So I'd… remember everything from before… and I'd remember everything since?  All my memories back?" I didn't understand how this worked.  I shook my head in confusion. "How…"

"It's like reading a book and keeping your finger in the page at a point you like. I can take you back to that; you'll be the person you were the day you were reset; but you'll retain all your current memories." She paused, looking at the door with a slight look of anxiety in her eyes. "I've waited a very long time for this day, Audrey. And I'm sorry. I want you to remember that I'm sorry, because after this you might not want to see me anymore."

"I don't understand…" But Velvet just shook her head.  She wasn't going to get into it and we were running out of time.  I bit my lip and turned again toward the door.  We were on a time limit, and I had to decide.  If I wanted my memories back, this Audrey, the broken one… she would go away.  And she was broken, I knew, but the other one… she was a mystery. "Velvet… was I… a good person?  Would… Catherine have been proud…?" I didn't know if Velvet knew a thing about Catherine, but it was the only criteria I wanted to fill: I wanted to make my Catherine proud of me.

"You were the kindest, most caring, compassionate and loving person I've ever met." Her voice was sincere, too, laced with a smile that spread across her red-painted lips. She knew she was doing the right thing. She also knew it didn't make up for the horrible thing she'd done. But it was all about to be set right and that was a start.

I nodded my head and played with the pacifier in my pocket. "Okay…" Velvet motioned to the bed and I sat down.  She came over and helped me lie in the middle of it. "Is it going to hurt…?" She shook her head and smiled, kissing my forehead, and put her hand over my eyes.  She started to talk, but her words quickly lost all their meaning.  Then I was gone, vanished into the darkness.
 

[Wannatripbaby]

Back when I read "Little Luzy" I read it by page, not by chapter. Which is good because that story was like 150 chapters long and that would've taken forever!

And when I couldn’t finish a page, I'd actually use the cracks on my phone screen as markers! I'd be like "okay I'm stopping approximately a thumbnail's length from this crack." Talk about taking your lemons & making lemonade!

[Sophie ♥]

XD Oh my days!

Luzy is actually our second-longest story next to A&S!  To give you some perspective.

Also that was the end of Phase Four.  I want to post the next bit, but I actually have to do a little editing. *nods*

[Wannatripbaby]

 

XD Oh my days!

Luzy is actually our second-longest story next to A&S!  To give you some perspective.

Also that was the end of Phase Four.  I want to post the next bit, but I actually have to do a little editing. *nods*

Are you referring to the aforementioned underaged sexual scene you needed to censor for DD?

[Sophie ♥]

You got it bub.  There's a flashback in the next few chapters, and I basically have to read through and make sure any sexual content is edited.

[Sophie ♥]

PHASE ONE

Part I: Drink Me

"Firsts. You will now be selected by your Sister Seconds. Stand by the wall to the left, hands to your sides and say nothing." The stern woman looked at her clipboard and waited for the line of boys to do as instructed before looking up at the doorway. "Girls. You may enter. Selection will be in merit order. Staycee, you placed first. Make your selection." I didn't need to be asked twice before making a beeline for the slight, slender boy standing third from the left. "I name you Audrey. Please follow me." I hadn't finished my statement as the other seconds began to file in and make their choices.

Audrey…?  I was pulled behind the girl in front of me, led by the wrist, and out into the bothersome white hallways.  It wasn't where I expected to go… Staycee - that was her name, right? - led me through the hallway, down another, to a door, and helped me inside.  A bedroom… almost normal, even.  A little girly with the mesh curtains around the bed and the obnoxiously pink walls, but it wasn't a cell… "I'm Colin… Staycee, right?"

"Uhhuh~" I had a distracted little smile on my pretty face as I wandered over to the closet and swung open the doors. The short-alls that I wore were hardly age appropriate; bright yellow and white with ruffled detail around the leg holes and a large bulge around my bottom. My pigtails bounced a little as I hummed and flicked through clothes. "This is our room, everything you see here is yours now, too." As I turned around and held up a plain white nightie, the perfect complexion of my skin and my sparkling blue eyes became evident. More evident, however, was probably the relative flatness of my chest. "Take off your clothes, Audrey, we don't have much time."

"Colin," I corrected her, though she'd used that name twice now.  Was she deliberately messing with me?  I sighed and ignored Staycee's request, looking around the room.  It was very decorative - teddy bear stickers and pink walls - the white comforter on the bed and the mesh around it.  I fiddled with the hair ribbons on the dresser and looked into the vanity mirror.  My hair was dirty having been denied a shower for three days now, though it still hung past my eyebrows and over my ears.  I could see Staycee's reflection in the mirror, though, and I turned back toward her.  Her outfit really suited the room. "I'm not undressing in front of you." Though with her at least a couple inches taller, I wasn't entirely sure I had a choice in the matter.

I crossed the distance between us in only a few steps and pushed the boy down onto the bed through the gap in the curtains. "Please. I don't have time to mess around; we're due at induction and introduction in twenty minutes." Standing above the boy laying sprawled across the bed I was momentarily proud of my selection. But I wouldn't be if he kept arguing!

My cheeks took on a little color and I sat back up, my feet on the ground now, Staycee towering above me.  I didn't dare risk standing again - having been pushed down once by a girl was embarrassing enough.  I took another look around the room, maybe as a distraction. "What did you mean that all this stuff was mine now, too?  Why would I want a room like this?" I wouldn't request a new one - I knew the kinds of things that could happen in prison to a short boy like myself, and I guess the fact that I'd roomed with a girl was a blessing.

"We're pair bonded. Everything that's mine is yours. Everything that one of us does right is rewarded for both of us. I'm number one and got to choose first for a reason, so you're lucky I chose you. Life here will be easy for you if you just do as I say." I held up the nightie and a pair of plain white panties before looking at the clock on the wall. "Seventeen minutes. Come on. Please..?"

They were very clearly not boy's underwear, but the nightie hardly looked different to one of the smocks I was given at the first building.  I was in scrubs now, though, which I'd received before leaving, and I'd been in them two days now. "I'm sorry, Staycee, but I'm not wearing that.  I mean it." My tone left absolutely no room for debate, though I stayed on the mattress.

"Look. Some of the other girls got beaten and forced and hit and all sorts of nasty things happened to them, myself included. I don't wanna do that. I wanna be sweet. Please don't argue? I don't want to be that sort of person. I want for us to be friends. Please?" Another glance at the clock brought a sense of slight desperation to my voice.

"I'm not wearing them." She was trying to be kind, and I guess I shouldn't really abuse that.  The bottom line was that she was likely only doing what she was told.  This was probably mandatory.  And it was true, with her size, she could probably beat me up pretty easily though I was sure I was stronger.  Still, I should extend a courtesy, too… "I'll wear the gown.  Not those." I nodded toward the white matching underwear.

"I'll give you a kiss if you do." Coercion wasn't what I'd planned on, but I needed my perfect score. I did. "They're just plain white undies anyway. What's the issue? Nobody will see them." Sweet smile. Hint of worry. But very kissable lips.

I blinked up at the girl standing above me and looked down at my feet very quickly.  I knew my cheeks were lighting up and I bit my lip a little.  They were just white underwear.  And no one would see.  And if we followed the rules, we could get parol or something, right?  I was here for twelve months, but it could very easily be nine instead… but it would be a lie to say that a kiss wasn't at least a bit of the incentive.  It wouldn't be a real kiss, I knew, but it had been a long time since I'd even gotten that, even from my Mom.  Affection really would be nice… "Yeah, alright…"

My hand slid along the boys cheek to cradle his face as I leaned down and pressed my lips pressed to his. Soft. Gentle. Sensual. Sweet. "Please get changed now? You can face away just this once." Another glance to the clock. "But please hurry, Audrey. I wanna be first there."

I sighed and climbed off the bed, looking up at the clock.  It wasn't in our room, technically, but in the hall just outside our door.  And with the windowless door and the windowless room, I suspected the clock's placement had a purpose. I turned around as I slid my shirt off, then put the nightgown on, then slipped off my pants, and finally the underwear were pulled up my legs.  It was… strange.  Very unnatural.  Still, the tingling on my lips was still present and I found that it meant a lot more than I thought it did.  Actual affection… it felt so foreign.

"Good girl, come on." My fingers laced into the boy’s hand as I tugged him out into the hall with a gleeful smile. We were first! Our bare feet didn't make a sound as we wandered down the white corridor and through the doors into a room that most resembled a school cafeteria, apart from the podium at one one. The stern woman from earlier looked at us and smiled. "Well done, Staycee." I felt a glowing pride. I was a good girl.

Girl?  She was clearly fucking with me.  I felt my cheeks light up at the woman's gaze, examining my gown, and given she was administration, she very likely knew what was under it.  I looked at my feet, following Staycee to a place at the table - pairs of chairs all around it.  There would be more people?  We sat down in our pair and I played with my fingers anxiously.  I didn't want to be seen like this.

My hand slid under the table and resumed its place holding the boy’s fingers. One by one, pairs of youth followed in and took seats ~ always one boy and one girl and all the boys wearing the same nighties; though some of them had bruises on their arms or scratches or other signs of struggle. "You're a First, and so are all they." I was careful to whisper softy as I spoke. "I worked really hard these last few days  to keep my scores perfect because I saw your profile and knew you'd be mine." I was giddy with glee as I whispered, but like most of the boys in the room Audrey didn't say much.

Boys and girls filed in - always paired together - and I found myself a little relieved that I'd gotten stuck with such an attractive partner.  Still, the fact that the Firsts - as Staycee put it - were all boys and what I assumed to be Seconds were all girls made me wonder if there was another area working on the opposing rotation.  As the seats filled, I stayed silent.  And it wasn't until the doors closed that I counted three empty locations at the table.

The woman took to the podium and smiled. "Welcome, wayward children, to your new home at Mt. Calibeen Reform. You all know why you're here, you all know your personal crimes against society. But here at Calibeen, we're not interested in your past. We seek only to give you a future. Reduce. Reform. Reeducate. Reborn. You'll find our ethos ever so simple. You'll be expected to follow the instructions of any administration staff, and those of your Sister Second. Compliance will be rewarded. Disobedience will be punished." Nobody dared speak as the woman spoke, and the eerie silence that hung over the hall as she finished was palpable.

It was different than I imagined, but it wasn't worse.  I had a real bed to sleep on and a roommate I trusted not to stab me; that was more than I could have hoped for.  The rewards and punishments system was expected - most all places like this would have them.  But above all, I guess I was just glad to be in a… what did they call it, reform?  Better than prison…

Staff dressed in long white coats began to file into the room and lay trays of food down in front of every pair; each tray containing a plate of chicken nuggets, a sippy cup of juice, and a baby bottle of slightly off white milk. I spoke softly as I explained. "The bottle is yours." There was a twang of something on my voice: guilt? "If you're a good girl and drink it - all the other Firsts will, too, so no need to be shy - I'll give you another kiss when we get back to our room, okay?" Gotta be perfect, Staycee. That's all. You're not a bad person. Follow rules.

A… bottle?  I wasn't the only person surprised by this.  With a glance around the room, all the Firsts looked very off-put.  The Seconds started to eat the food, but the Firsts didn't… they only had their bottles in front of them.  Staycee started eating her nuggets, too, and I looked at her tray of food. "None of those are for me…? I can't live on just milk…" Around the room, the Firsts with the bruises and cuts were the first to pick up their bottles and start drinking.  The others, like me, hesitated.

"It's more like a formula. You can live off it. I did." I smiled as I popped a nugget into my lips and gave a sympathetic look. "I know it sucks. But the quicker you adapt to the rules as a First the sooner you become a Second and get real food." As much as my childish meal could count as food.

I sighed and lifted the bottle to my eyes as a few other Firsts had.  Tim - across from me - didn't do anything, though.  He was very stubborn on the bus ride over, and I suspected it would cost him.  He looked at me a little incredulously and I put the bottle back down, my pride getting the best of me. "Not really hungry, anyway…" Though I was.  I really was.  And I wasn't sure how long being a First lasted, but I probably couldn't survive without liquids.  The other Firsts, though, didn't take the bottles out of their mouths once they entered.  So it didn't taste bad?

I'd noticed the exchange between my Audrey and the boy across the table and my hand squeezed hers. "Please? It's important to me. Even if you just have a little bit? I promise you a kiss when we get back to our room, remember?" There'd be no 'little bit' once he tasted the milk, the chemicals lacing it would make sure of that. I hated this part the most, and vividly remembered my own resistance.

Tim just stared at me and I looked down at the bottle in front of me.  Him and me were the only two not drinking, now, and two people in the white coats were looking at us and talking quietly to themselves.  I lifted the bottle again, both the administrators watching me, and looked through the foggy liquid.  It was darker than milk.  I bit my lip and looked at Staycee who put a small smile on. "One sip, right, and we won't be in trouble…?  I don't have to finish it?"

"You have as much as you want to have." I smiled happily. Not a lie; he'd only have as much as he wanted to. The men in the coats had started writing out notes and the boy across the table stood up. "This is bullshit! I'm not drinking from a fucking baby bottle!" I squeezed Audrey's hand tight. "Quick. Before they come over. Please."

One sip, symbolic.  So I quickly tipped the bottle into my mouth, a drop hitting my tongue, and pulled the bottle out again.  Except it didn't come out.  The nipple stayed between my lips and more drops touched my tongue.  It was the most delicious thing I'd ever tasted.  Well, rather, it wasn't… it was warm and almost sour tasting and it might been likened to a melted milkshake, but I kept drinking it anyway and I wasn't entirely sure why.  A warmth washed over me and elation took over.  The colors in the room became brighter, almost hypnotic, and I found myself in a small giddy daze.  I kept the bottle between my lips, sipping contently.

By the time Audrey's bottle was half finished, Tim had been dragged away by the orderlies and the only noise left was the Firsts around the room sucking their bottles. And then there was another sound. The sound of dripping water hitting the tiled floor. And then it got a little louder as more streams joined the sound. One by one, each and every First started to wet themselves, yellow spreading on white nighties, and not a single one of them cared.  Those who'd finished their bottles just smiling happily and contently. I knew Audrey would be joining them soon, and I felt a slight flutter of happiness on my tummy - all the Seconds did.

The warmth became far more potent a few minutes later - a blanket of damp heat covered my bottom and liquid dripped down from my chair.  It wasn't until I'd finished wetting myself that I noticed and then I only giggled.  The dampness beneath my bottom, the heat, the carefree bliss of it all… it was intoxicating.  I finally finished my bottle with a small pout and looked up at Staycee with sparkling sleepy eyes.

"Come on sweetie." I stood up with my sippy in one hand and the boy holding my other and smiled down at him. "Let's go back to our room, Audrey. I'll get you changed into proper clothes. Pretty clothes. Won't that be lovely? You want to be pretty, don't you?" I knew my words would be heavy to him so I kept them simple. The scene was playing out around the room, Seconds stepping over puddles of pee as they led their charges out.

I followed Staycee down the hallway - or two, or three, I didn't really know - and into our bedroom.  By now, though, my underwear were starting to get cold and I whimpered like a needy child.  I wasn't really sure what else to do; I just wanted out of the uncomfortable underwear.  But Staycee said she'd get me changed.  She said so.

When we got into our room, I closed the door behind us and then stripped the boy of the stained and sodden panties and nightie, using a dry corner of the fabric to dry up the excess moisture before tossing the bundle into the laundry chute. "Lay down beautiful, over there on the bed, go on." I smiled happily as I started picking out his outfit.

I hurried over to the bed, sitting down on the edge of it and kicking my feet, though they still scraped on the ground as I did so.  This room was euphoric compared to the dining hall and the hallways.  So many colors.  So much happening.  I sat naked on the comforter and blissfully watched the walls, smiling at the girl in the closet every time she poked her head out.  This felt so serene… I never wanted it to end.

The effects of the milk would last a little while and I knew I had time, so I picked out something very cute. A blue diaper, a lovely blue and white babydoll dress and endless ribbon to accessorize with. Blue would be her color. And she'd love ribbons. I decided that the moment I saw her pretty face. I approached the bed and pushed Audrey down onto her back before unfolding the diaper and retrieving the powder from the bedside. "Special undies for Firsts." I held up the diaper and smiled. "Excited?~"

"Uhhuh..." My words were so incredibly detached and I was almost certain I hadn't even heard what I was supposed to be excited about.  Did she even tell me?  It just didn't matter right now - I was smiling, I was happy, I was blissful for the first time in almost two months.  I loved this feeling.  I didn't want it to go away, even when Staycee taped the diaper in place around my waist.  It was strange… thick, but so soft and so warm and it made sounds every time I moved that I couldn't help but giggle at.

"Good girl!" Had I been so compliant? I couldn't help my smile at the boy’s elated giggles as I helped Audrey to her feet. "Arms up, come on." I took the dress off the hanger and began to slide it down over the boys body with no resistance. As it fell past his head and I adjusted it into place I felt my heart race a little. He was so beautiful. "You're beautiful, Audrey. What are you?" I had lengths of ribbon ready now to put through his hair and tie around his wrists and ankles.

"Beautiful…?" There was no way to describe the tone I had used.  It was somewhere between inquiring and exclaiming with a heavy dose of exhaustion and burning pride.  But at the end of it, I giggled again.  I'd never worn a dress before, but I played with the hem like any other shirt.  It would occasionally flash my diaper at Staycee, but I couldn't have cared less.  I felt so serene.

After fixing the ribbons in place, I pushed the boy back onto the bed and climbed on top of him, repeating the kisses from earlier. Soft kisses, pretty kisses. And by the time I was done, my gloss was shining on his lips. It was so strange - although Audrey would be a girl soon, he was still a boy and I'd never kissed a boy before. I had never even liked boys before. But this felt so right, so I kissed him again.

I honestly thought the euphoria couldn't get any better, but when Staycee's lips hit mine, I was proved very wrong.  It might have been the semi-delusional haze, but I felt… loved.  I kissed her back, my hands on her sides, and laid on the bed with the most blissful expression.  Nothing could interrupt this, nothing could make this moment bad.

After the kiss had faded and while the color still burned in my cheeks, I stood up off the bed and helped Audrey do the same. I led her to the mirror so she could see her beautiful reflection and stood behind her, cuddling around her tummy. "Look in the mirror and tell me what you see. Tell me your name, tell me how you feel." Reinforcement was an important lesson we'd been taught in our mentoring glass, and I was determined to get a perfect score.

"Uh… I…" I was very pretty, I could give me that.  With the ribbon tied around my hair in an almost Alice-esque fashion, and the dress down my body, my legs parted slightly more than usual… I couldn't have looked any older than ten, especially next to Staycee.  But with the haziness clouding my mind, I wasn't entirely sure what she wanted from me.  I kept looking at myself in the mirror, expecting the answer to appear, but I only looked up at Staycee in frustration.

"My name is Audrey and I'm a pretty little girl. I love ribbons, diapers, and my sister Staycee." It was a lengthy mantra, but one I planned to have her repeat as often as she would. The kisses hadn't been planned ~ we were allowed to play with our Firsts, but attachment was discouraged due to how this place worked; she'd be a Second with her own First one day.

"My name is Audrey - I'm a pretty little girl.  Love ribbons, diapers, and Staycee." The words were slow and almost an automated repeat of what Staycee had told me, but I just wanted to make her happy.  She'd made me so happy.  So I smiled up at her and put my head on her shoulder, her fingers in mine.  I liked being this close to her.  I so rarely got to be close to anyone…

"Good girl~" My voice was light an airy. I'd get top marks for today, I knew. There were no classes today and dinner was a few hours away. So I took her hand and I led her back to the bed. "Wanna cuddle for a while, Audrey?"

"Uhhuh..." I climbed into the bed after Staycee - I hadn't noticed until that moment, but we'd be sharing a bed from now on.  There was only one, after all.  But I cared so little at this moment.  I put my head on Staycee's chest and smiled absently, my sleepy eyes drifting closed.  But the warmth never left me.

There was so much that would happen when we woke up; firstly, I was wet already, as she would be upon waking up. And the baby haze would have cleared by then, so her resistance would return too. But it was nothing I couldn't handle. I smiled and played with Audrey's hair as I closed my eyes. "Remember this feeling. Right now. Hold onto it when things aren't so fun. And know I can give it to you any time."

I didn't forget anything, and fuck, I wished I had.   I shot upright in bed, looking down at the dress on my body, the sound of the diaper crinkling beneath it, and the distinct warmth and moisture between my legs… no, no, no.  I tore off the bed, searching the room for my clothes - well, not my clothes, but my scrubs - but I couldn't find them anywhere. "Where the fuck are they?!" I must've woken Staycee up when I climbed out of bed. "Where are my clothes?!"

"You're wearing them, beautiful girl." I smiled groggily as I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes, shifting a little to determine the state of my diaper. "And don't yell, they're always watching, always listening. Yelling isn't allowed."

"I don't give a fuck what's allowed!  Where are the clothes I came in with?!  Where are they?!" But Staycee was still half asleep, still slow on the uptake, and I started tearing through the closet, looking for anything for me to wear.  But it was all girl's clothes.  And not even girl's clothes but little girl's clothes.  I was seething by the time I came out of the closet and started tearing through the drawers of the dresser; diapers, pacifiers, baby powder… "...what the fuck is this place?"

"Please calm down, Audrey. Cursing is against the rules." I tried not to let the panic in my voice show as the boy stampeded through our room. "It's a reform center. They take you and they remake you as a productive member of society. You're a First and some of the stuff is weird but it's better when you're a Second like me. I rebelled as a First, Audrey. And I was punished. And eventually I learned that its easier just to go along with it."

"Well I'm not!  Okay?  I'm not doing this!  I don't care if they beat me or… or rape me or whatever the hell people do in prison, but I'm not dealing with this bullshit!  Dressing like a fucking toddler.  Fuck!" I tore the diaper off - clearly wet - and left the dress on to cover my otherwise naked self.  I'd find other clothes, though, and then I'd speak to an administrator about this. "And I swear, if you call me Audrey one more fucking time… it's Colin, okay?!"

"Please stop..." I bit my lip hard and winced, the panic setting firmly into my voice now. "Touching our own diapers is a Five Point Strike..." I had to get her under control, but I wouldn't use violence the way that Alex had on me. But I couldn't get punished again. I couldn't! I wouldn't! So I stood up, pressed him to the wall, and kissed him again. "Please. If you get punished, so do I..."

I frowned and looked away from Staycee, pushing her off me and freeing myself from the wall.  But my momentum was gone, and I guess that was the point of all this.  Always listening, she said… which meant they could hear me now.  Still, I had no intent of keeping my plan secret. "I'm going to find some clothes and I'm going to talk to whoever runs this place.  And I'll get sent somewhere I belong." I moved past Staycee and dug through the piles of clothes.  There was nothing to wear…

"You don't get a choice, Audrey. Boys aged 16-25 are sent here. It's just how it is. Just like the rest of us. You think I didn't try?" My perfect score was gone. I knew it. I just didn't wanna be punished now and maybe if she understood...

"Fuck.  I don't care.  But I'm not staying here, alright?  This is all bullshit.  Maybe you can deal with being dressed up like a child and drink that milk and piss yourself, fine.  Fine.  But I'm not." I finally gave up on clothes and stormed out of the bedroom.  I guess I'd do this in a dress.  But my anger was enough to keep me going - enough to push me past that little factoid. "Where the hell is the admin desk…"

I followed the boy out of the room and tugged on her arm, tears in the corner of my eyes. "Please! Please!! They'll punish us both and I don't wanna be punished again... please... please..." I let out an exacerbated sigh and shook my head. "I was like you. Arrogant. Angry. Stubborn. I didn't wanna be a girl either. But it’s not our choice..."

I froze in place and turned around, looking Staycee top to bottom… ‘didn't want to be a girl, either…’ Not our choice…?  All males 16-25… fuck was I dense.  But she couldn't… no, definitely not.  She was gorgeous.  She had long hair.  Longer than mine.  And… well, she didn't have boobs, but she… she wasn't a boy… no, no, no! "I… I gotta get out of here…"

"They'll be coming already. You've earned ten points of strikes. They'll be coming and they'll punish us both..." My hand took Audrey's and I frowned, rubbing my eyes with the other. "Please say you're sorry to them. Tell them you'll be a good girl. What they take you can never have back... please... they took so much already... I don't wanna lose more... please... "

I shook my head and looked down the hallway: no sign of anyone.  Still, I believed her.  They'd find me just fine.  They'd find me and I'd tell them to take me to who was in charge.  This could end now. "I'm sorry, Staycee, I am.  You're really nice, and I'm really sorry.  But you're not worth me staying here."

"Didn't you like kissing me? Cuddling with me?" I was trying to control my sobbing as I squeezed Audrey's hand. "Please... they took eight years... if I get punished... there'll be nothing left... none of the person I was..."

"It's not my problem…" I wanted to ask what she meant by eight years, but I didn't want to show interest.  I liked her - I really, really did.  But I wouldn't let this happen anymore.  I wouldn't sit here and let them dose me with that milk or turn me into a fucking girl.  I am me.  I am Colin.  They can't change that.  I'll never wind up like Staycee… or whatever her real name was.

The orderlies came and by the time they did I was sobbing on the floor, shaking my head. I'd been so perfect. So perfect. And now this. The two men picked me up and another grabbed Audrey and I shook my head in a fit of tears, screaming at the boy. "I've been such a good girl! So good. Perfect. So good. I was so sweet to you, kissed you, made you feel loved when you haven't felt that way in so long. I wanted to be your best friend... something I never had in this place... and you... you let this happen! Please apologize... please..." The orderlies said nothing as we were dragged along the white corridors. "I can't... please don't take any more..."

I wasn't dragged, but an orderly held my shoulder sternly, guiding me.  I felt very guilty; she'd made me feel so special, and now I was doing this to her.  But I didn't have a choice; I needed to get out.  I needed a way to escape this place, even if it was to some place worse.  I didn't want to lose who I was… I couldn't…

We were thrown into a room with white walls and two padded beds in the center. One of the orderlies lifted me onto the bed and began fasten the straps. I knew better than to struggle, but apparently Audrey didn't. "Please... please say sorry... they go in and they take away your memories... take away who you were... I have nothing between age ten and now... don't even remember my first kiss..."

Take away… my memories?  What sense did that make?  But I'd seen a lot of movies, and I'd seen what this place could do to someone… and with Staycee being strapped in one of the chairs, and me into the other, though me more forcibly, I was wondering if I was doing the right thing. "I… I'm… er…" I shook my head and looked away from Staycee and stopped struggling.  Maybe… this was good… "Sorry, Staycee…"

"Please... please..." My voice was more a whisper now. "They can make you look and dress different... but at the end of Fourth, you can always still know who you are. But if they do this, you lose that, you lose you!  Please... I'll do anything... please apologize. We can go through here... and be friends... start a life... please..."

"What makes you think I'd want you." My voice was calm now, though, despite the rude comment.  But she was a boy; I didn't like her.  She'd lied.  What could she possibly give me? "I'm sorry you're dragged into this… if I could, I'd get you out.  But I don't want to remember… and if they can really make it go away…"

"Because you want to feel close to someone. It's in your profile, it's why I chose you. Because I don't have anybody... don't remember anything. So I picked you because I knew you wanted somebody too... thought we could be there for each other after this. I never hit you or lied to you or hurt you like the other Seconds!" The orderlies had gone now and we waited for the doctors to arrive. I couldn't help the tears; I was going to lose all of me...

I looked at the ceiling and closed my eyes. "I really am sorry. I know you've been nothing but nice - I know it - and I guess I'm just an asshole, I don't know.  I just… this might be good.  This might be why I'm here, Staycee.  This memory thing: it sounds… like a miracle." But she wouldn't understand that; how could I expect her too.  She remembered up until she was ten years old - this transition must have been so easy for her after that.  She never became an adult.  She couldn't understand…

"Please...." I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head as a man in a white coat entered the room with a chart and looked at it with a frown. "Staycee. Oh Staycee. Again? But your behavior has been so good since your cleaning." My chest heaved in sobs as he spoke and then looked at Audrey. "And you must be Audrey. Staycee has been talking about you for over a week now, ever since we got your profile. She'd picked out the name the moment she saw you, so it must have meant something to her as a child. We don't know really.  Are things not working out well? Such a shame. Staycee was one of our problem cases, you see: rebellious until the end. But that part of you is all gone now, isn't it,  Staycee?" He smiled and looked back at the chart. "Just a perfect doll for some handsome man." I shook my head softly and sniffled. "Please... no more... please..."

"Please leave her alone…" Unlike the orderlies, this doctor seemed to be… well, human.  He talked to us, even if it was condescending.  I decided not to go into the Audrey/Colin debate though, given I was asking a favor. "She did everything right; it’s not her fault I'm an asshole, right?  She warned me again and again.  She doesn't deserve this.  Only I do."

"Oh, I'm sorry Audrey, but those are the rules here. Pair bonding. See, many of our guests will refuse to the point of death, but they won't cause pain to each other. It's very effective." I remembered when I was a First, when I'd caused my punishment to be inflicted on another: the memories she’d lost because of me. The doctor spoke again with a smile. "For you, Audrey, we'll take your first ten years. After all, that's what we'll be taking from Staycee today. Any questions?"

"Wait, what?! No - you take what you took from her before!  My life since I was ten!  Take all that way!" There wasn't even logic… why take younger years?  It wouldn't help them in their goals.  They wanted to turn us into children, right?  So what good would be taking away memories of when we were children… it would only cause more resistance.  I didn't understand!

"We take the best years of your life to soften your grip on who you were. It's simple logic, really. For Staycee, she lived with abusive parents who molested her as a child. It wasn't until she was eleven that she was out in foster care and started to enjoy her life." I opened my eyes a crack and listened to the man - I hadn't even considered why they’d taken what they'd taken. They took the years I loved...

"I…" I shook my head, slow at first, and then quicker.  No, no, no!  I didn't want to lose who I was!  I just wanted those memories gone!  I wanted them to go away!  I struggled on the table and shook my head over and over. "I don't… I don't want this.  Please… please let us go… please…"

"You have to apologize... you have to mean it more than anything you've ever meant.  You have to make him believe you want to be here..." My whispered words only brought a smile to the doctor’s face as he looked at Audrey. "Oh, but you don't want to be here, do you, Audrey? You want to speak to someone and "sort all this out", isn't that right?" It was a word trick: a way to trick Audrey into saying she didn't want to be here.

"I… I do… but…" I shook my head, tugging again at the restraints.  What was I supposed to say?  If I lied, told him I wanted to be here, I'd never get to see who was in charge, I'd never get to sort it out.  But would he ever let me anyway?  I felt sick to my stomach… "I mean, I… wanna be here.  Please… let me stay… please…"

"Are you sure you want to stay, Audrey?" The smile on his lips was worse than any beating and I couldn't look him in the eye. "Staycee gave you a mantra earlier in the day. Repeat it to me, oh... ten times. And I'll assess then whether you truly want to be here or not."

"Mantra…?" I looked over at Staycee with absolute confusion.  Tears kept rolling down her cheeks and I looked back at the doctor with his smile.  I really didn't know what he was talking about… but Staycee spoke up. "In front of the mirror…" In front of the - oh... "I… um…" I barely remembered it.  It was my name.  And… and ribbons… and… "My name is… um… Audrey…" I honestly thought I would throw up as the words passed my lips. "I like… umm…" "Love." It was the doctor that spoke that time.

My voice was a hushed whisper through the tears that left me utterly exhausted. "My name is Audrey and I'm a pretty little girl. I love ribbons, diapers, and my sister Staycee." The doctor shot me a disproving look and my gaze fell back downwards, trying to avoid his stare.

"You've gotta be…" But the doctor's face was maniacal; his smile sat at such an awkward angle it seemed almost inhuman… "My name is Audrey… and I'm a pretty little girl." Everything I was saying was a blatant lie, but I thought my words pulled it off convincingly enough.  That was, until I got to the word "diapers", where I hesitated.  Still, I pushed through.  And I pushed through nine extra times.  And by the time I'd said my tenth Staycee, I was nearly sure a part of me had died.

"Now, Audrey. You will make mistakes. You will mess up. That's why we have a strike system, to allow for that. But you now have a special caveat; if you use the name Colin even once, you'll be granted a ten point strike and you'll be back here. Do you have any questions?" I didn't dare look up, but my hand managed to wriggle enough in the straps to link my pinky around Audrey's.

"Yeah… got it…" I didn't feel like me anymore.  They didn't need to take my memories, it seemed.  The doctor let both Staycee and I off the tables and ushered us out into the hallways again.  Neither of us talked as we walked back to our room, and when we returned, I didn't say a word to her.  I sat at the vanity and put my head on the white painted wood.

"I'm sorry... it's my fault. I should’ve taught you better. I just didn't want to hurt you the way my Second hurt me." I wrapped my arms around the boy from behind and held him close, kissing his neck softy. "Talk to me? I bet if you tell me what you're thinking, I can help you make sense of it."

"Just leave me alone." I shrugged Staycee off me and looked up into the mirror.  But that didn't help.  I reached up and tore the blue ribbon from my head and threw it to the ground with all the other clothes.  I didn't feel like moving.  I didn't feel like anything.  The clock read five fifteen, but I hadn't seen a single person out in the hall.  Where was everyone?

"We can still make dinner if you’d like." I tried to force the chipper tone into my voice, but it was difficult. So I took a breath. "Callum. That was my name. That's one of the things I remember. I don't know why I'm here, just that I am. On my second day I stabbed an orderly with a colored pencil. It's why they took my memories...." There was a great deal of shame and guilt in my voice as I spoke.

I didn't say anything.  I didn't want to talk.  I actually wished she'd just leave me alone. He'd just leave me alone.  If I started calling her she, then he could call me she just the same.  And then where would our names be?  Callum and Colin.  Except my name didn't exist anymore… not for another twelve months.  And it left me so alone…

"What's it like out there...?" There was a little hope in my voice as I sat up on the edge of the vanity with a smile. Despite the tears, I knew I was still remarkably beautiful - they'd made sure of that - and with my bare creamy legs swinging off the edge of the desk it was hard to overlook that fact. "When they took what they took, I pledged to myself to be perfect here so I could get out as soon as possible and be able to experience the world for the first time."

"I'm not the person you should be asking…" Even my voice sounded lost.  Pathetic.  Concluded.  I kept my head down, feeling sick to my stomach.  I couldn't get over the lies I'd said in that room.  They weren't true, then, and they weren't true now.  And still, I wasn't Colin anymore.  I couldn’t be. I hated this… I didn't want to change… I just wanted to go home…

"You're my only friend. The other Seconds when I became a Second are Thirds now. And the current Seconds don't like me because I told them I wouldn't hit you or rape you or hurt you. Violent girls." I took the boy’s hand and smiled a little. "The shortest time anybody has ever gotten out of here is nine months. That's a perfect score. You wanna try for it with me?" I bit my lip and frowned in recollection. "You wouldn't wanna know me out of here though, huh? Why would you? You have family and friends to go back to."

I took my hand from Callum's and shook my head.  I wasn't sure what I'd do yet, but I had very little intention to play by their rules.  And still, I wasn't looking for a way out, I wasn't working out a solution.  I was sitting here and doing nothing.  And maybe that's what I should be doing… how long would it take to die if I refused to eat?  Wouldn't that just be easier…?

I sighed and got off the vanity, pushing Audrey off the stool and onto the soft rug below, before climbing atop the boy, taking his cheeks in mine and leaning in to kiss him. And I didn't stop at one. He had no hope; I'd seen this before, I'd seen this and then never seen those people again. Not this time. So we kissed. If he had no hope, I'd be his hope.

I pushed Callum off well before he got a third kiss on my lips.  I scurried back up to my feet and looked furiously down at him on the floor. "What the hell do you think you're doing!  That's disgusting…" I wiped my mouth and turned away from him, shaking my head in frustration.  He wouldn't understand… I didn't expect him to.  So I sighed and sat down on the bed, my chin in my hands and my knees to my chest.  I felt so lackluster…

"You didn't think so when you thought I was born a girl." I bit my lip and looked down. This was something for Fourths. I didn't know how to handle it. "I didn't choose this body. I mean. I was never a very boyish boy... but what they did to me leaves me no choice but to be a girl. I couldn't convince someone I was a boy no matter how hard I try.  Why does it bother you...? Do you look at me and honestly see a boy...?"

I looked up at Callum, and then away. "No… but you are.  Same way I am.  And if someone started seeing me as a girl, I'd be upset.  So I'm not gonna do it with you, alright?  So I'm not calling you Staycee either." It was a simple rule - do unto others what you'd want done unto you.  Every religion had their own way of saying it.

"Except we get punished here if we don't embrace our rebuilt genders. And there's talk of something worse than the memory procedure: something called Phase Zero." I looked somber as I looked up from the floor. "I'm always going to be a girl now, Audrey.  I don't much like it, but it’s the reality. It's not like there's any way out of here anyway..."

I winced at the name and looked at my feet again. "I don't care what you say… I'm not doing it.  I'll keep it to myself, if it keeps us out of trouble, but I'm not calling you that name.  And I wish you wouldn't either…" But he would, because he followed the rules.  I felt sick even at the thought.

"You know you'll be here forever, perpetually a First, until embrace yourself. But if you... if you wanna get out of here in the shortest possible time... do it with me. And when we get to the end, if you never wanna see me again I understand." I bit my lip and smiled.

"I haven't even been here twelve hours, Callum… and already I'm losing myself.  And I'll lose more of myself, won't I?  And I'll be like you and I won't even want to use my normal name… and then where will I be?  Who will I be?" I shook my head and laid down on the bed, curling up under the blanket. "I'm tired…"

"I don't like my old name because I don't know who that person is. But if you’d like... I'll remember your name for you, and remind you of it every night before we cuddle up for sleep. That way you won't lose it. And no rules will be broken..." I sat up on the edge of the bed and ran my hand over the covers. "Do you think I could cuddle with you tonight?"

"I'd rather be alone…" But there was only one bed, only one blanket, only one pillow, and I guess that made the decision for me before I even had a choice in the first place. "Yeah, that's fine… just… not too close…" I shifted over to the other side of the mattress, facing away from Callum.  To not know who you are… I'd be able to sympathize really soon.

I crawled under the covers and lay as far apart as I could, but the nature of the bed meant that within a few minutes I was cuddled up to Audrey in the big spoon position. I whispered in his ear as he was half asleep. "Remember that bliss I told you to hold onto?" My free hand wrapped around and I slipped the teat of a bottle from the mini fridge between the boy’s lips, a squirt of milk splashing on his tongue. "Sweet dreams, beautiful girl."

It was horribly uncomfortable waking up in a wet bed, and I almost wished I'd worn a diaper.  Almost.  Still, I didn't react nearly the same way as the day before, and with the door having been closed sometime in the middle of the night, I had no idea what time it was.  I crawled out of bed in a miserable haze and rubbed my eyes clean of sleep.  The room was dimly lit by a nightlight in the wall - one I couldn't unplug - and it left the whole room looking very void of life.  Still, I knew I was being watched… I changed out of the dress, careful to cover myself best I could in the process and put on a less formal nightgown looking thing.  Callum was still asleep, though, and I decided not to wake him until I needed to.  More importantly, I couldn't figure out why I'd wet the bed.  I'd never done that before - not since I was a kid.  Maybe more left-overs from the milk… it did mess me up pretty bad the first time.  I made a note not to drink it again.  I sat down at the vanity - the same as I had before bed - and looked at my dim reflection in the mirror.  Where was Colin… I couldn't see him anywhere…

"Breakfast isn't for another two hours..." my eyes weren't open as I spoke and rolled over, yawning. I had a knack for reading my body clock with no time instruments in the rooms. "You should sleep until then, pretty girl. The withdrawals from the milk are pretty bad when you're awake..."

"…withdrawals?" Like with alcohol?  So the milk was addictive, too…?  I didn't care; I'd make it through them.  I had no intention of drinking that milk anymore, not after everything it did to me last time.  It made me want this.  It destroyed me.  And I was almost certain a part of me never came back, either.  I shook my head and fiddled with the stuff on the vanity.  There wasn't any makeup or anything - just coloring books and crayons.  I guess Callum wasn't allowed colored pencils anymore…

"It's very addictive, worse than cocaine. The withdrawal can be deadly. I don't know anybody who has fought through; they get picked up and taken away and I never see them again." There was a chilled tone in my voice as I spoke and finally sat up. "When you become a Second, they detox you and you don't have the addiction anymore. But until then, you shouldn't fight it."

"I don't care…" I really didn't, either.  Actually, it might have made things easier for me.  I gave myself a small smile in the vanity mirror and looked over at the bed.  I'd thought about it last night, after everything.  Suicide.  But in a room like this, without even colored pencils, there wouldn't be any way to do it.  I guess it was a lot like a prison after all, huh?  And the scene brought back so many memories… I shook my head and decided in that moment - no milk.  And if I'd die, then all the better. "The bed is wet."

“I know.  I’ll clean it when you go to breakfast.  If you don’t have your milk, I’ll be punished.” My words were simple and matter of fact.  It was my job to clean up after my first.  And my diaper was stinky anyway.  I figured it would be better that I have the privacy to take care of that before Audrey noticed.

"I'm not changing my mind." I spoke quietly, but I spoke with certainty.  I wouldn't be drinking that milk today.  And if Callum was honest about the milk being as addictive as he'd said, then I would die in a few days - maybe less.  And then Callum and his problems would be his own again.  But I didn't want this anymore; I didn't want to be alive in a world where I couldn't be me… "You're eighteen, right…?"

It was an odd question to me and it shouldn't have been, but the only way I knew my age was by what they told me. So I shrugged as I stood up, blushing at the mess in my diaper - another of the prices I'd paid. "I think so. Why'd you ask? Wanna take me on a date? You can be my boyfriend."

"Just wondering… 'cause you said eight years were gone, and you could remember until you're ten.  So I assumed." It was a pathetic degree of small talk, but it would be enough to get me through until breakfast.  The more she brought up the milk thing, the more likely I was to give in.  And I wouldn't this time.  I wouldn't have last time if he'd have wiped the proper memories… "I'm sixteen."

"I know. May 14th, 1995. 3:29am, St. Thomas Hospital in Nashville. Your family isn't from there, though; they were on holiday and your Mom went into labor six weeks early." I bit my lip and looked across at the boy with a smile. "Would you… have ever considered dating me, if I were a proper girl and we'd meet outside of this horrid place? I mean… do you think I'm pretty? I wonder if I am, or if it's just what people here tell me because it reinforces my new self image. Strange the things you think about in here, huh?" Like wondering if you're pretty while trying not to have your new friend smell your messy diaper.

"Yeah… I mean…" I looked away from Staycee again, looking at myself in the mirror and messing up my hair.  I really needed a shower, especially having pissed myself three times now. "I think you're cute.  And if you were born a girl, sure.  Maybe." I wasn't sure how I felt about her reading my file, though.  It meant she knew everything about me… wait. "That file… did it say why I'm here?"

"No, that's confidential. Some people talk about it. Like, Tanya? She ran someone over… but Lainey’s just a petty thief. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason or anything, everybody gets the same punishment. Phase One: become a baby girl. Phase Two: become a toddler girl. Phase Three: become a twelve year old girl. Phase Four: become an adult girl. Simple and efficient. The system says they've processed over six hundred of us at this facility alone." I wanted to get changed, but I preferred a shower after changing out of messiness, and the showers were communal and at the end of the hall. "Why are you here, anyway?" It wasn't something I liked to ask -especially given I couldn't answer it myself - but I was curious.

I shrugged my shoulders and looked myself in the eyes, trying to find a hint of real color behind the dull green. "I robbed a store.  Not a big one - just a gas station.  Thought I got away with it until the police showed up at my house." I put my hair back in front of my eyes and set my head back down on the desk.  Seriously, why weren't there clocks in here?  At least then I'd have something to stare at…

"You robbed a gas station?" I looked across the room with an odd smile, as if waiting for the punchline to a joke to be delivered. It didn't come, though. She was seriously trying to tell me that? "Your hands tremble, even when we're holding hands. You're jittery. There's no way you'd be able to pull a gun on someone. You just don't have the nerves for it." I slipped off the edge of the bed and walked over to the boy to hold both his hands in mine. "You're not one for confrontation or violence. You would've overthrown me yesterday if you were. I'm a few inches taller, but I'm also a girl so far as you knew. You could've taken me, but you didn't." The thing is… Audrey didn't strike me as the lying type, either; she'd been so forthcoming with her thoughts so far that it came across so odd that she'd outright lie to me. "Something happened. Something bad. It's why you wanted your memories wiped. At first I thought it was because you were just giving up who you are, but when Doctor SeVille threatened to take your childhood you panicked. So you're running from something. Right?"

"What time is it, anyway?" I climbed up off the vanity stool and made my way over to the door.  But as I expected, it was locked.  I sighed and made my way back to the mattress, starting to strip off the sheets.  I'd wet the bed, after all, though it was no surprise when I found a waterproof liner under the mattress pad.  I guess they would need that, huh?  Given what they do here…

"It's 5:45ish." She'd dodged my question though and I decided to switch the topic to something different, though maybe no less uncomfortable. The topic of her crime would come back up in time, but she was stonewalling me for now. "You said before that if I'd been born a girl, you'd date me. Why does it matter that I'm not? Would you be ashamed to hold my hand in public or to show me off to your friends?" At first I thought I was asking out of a sense of curiosity and education, but then I realized why I was. Oh my god, Staycee, you're insecure about your femininity!Really?

I balled the sheets into a pile and tossed them into the corner of the room.  The room was still trashed, though, and I decided to spend some time cleaning up.  It smelled pretty awful, but it was probably my fault… fucking milk. "No, I wouldn't be ashamed.  I mean, I just don't like boys.  And you are a boy - you're just brainwashed or whatever they do here - so I don't like you that way.  It's really not that complicated…"

"What if…" I picked out a clean sheet from the drawer beneath the bed and began to spread it across the mattress protector in a manner altogether too well practiced. "What if I like being this way? Like… I mean… what if this is who I wanna be, if every part of me is happier as a girl, as the kind of person who doesn't do the sort of horrible things that I must have done to end up here?" The thing was… she might have been right. I might be brainwashed. I might not feel this way. But when everything feels like my own feelings anyway, how would I know? "What if… I want to be a girl. And if you weren't here, and we met after all of this, and we started dating and you found out I was born a boy, would you still break up with me?" It was introspective drivel, I knew it was. Why did it matter so much? God, why did I care?! But I frowned and looked at the boy. "I… " And that's all I got out. I decided just to let her answer my questions before bouncing ahead.

"I… don't know… I don't, okay?  I just…" I sighed and stopped cleaning up the clothes, standing up and looking over at Staycee with mild exasperation. "I just don't think I could be with someone who is brainwashed, right?  Like.  What if you really don't want me, deep down, and just this brainwashed Staycee wants me.  When Callum is like 'what the hell?'  And then it… it just feels wrong.  If you were born a girl or you weren't brainwashed into this, then, sure… maybe.  But I don't even know you."  Why was she so obsessive over this?

"…come with me. Please?" They listened. Everywhere, they listened. Everywhere except one place. I was still in the gross diaper and the last thing I wanted to do was to share that little fact with my new friend, but there was a rushing water sound in the back of my head that was desperate to make a noise and I couldn't do it here. Audrey stood there looking at me, dumbfounded, and I frowned. There were a lot of thoughts in my head now, stupid thoughts; am I brainwashed? Am I even attracted to Audrey? Why'd I latch on so quickly to her? Why her? I told myself it was because her profile rated her with a high 'clinginess' factor - a 9/10 - and I wanted someone who'd need me the way I needed them. Maybe it was just because I saw the pretty girl she'd become. Or maybe… they made me want her. How would I even know?

"With you where?" But he clicked open the door to the room and I looked at him incredulously.  It was locked!  I wasn't crazy!  He pointed up at the clock, though, that read just after six in the morning.  So it was time locked?  I stepped out of the room in my nightgown and followed Callum down the corridor, the hallway very bare and dimly lit.  No one was up, it seemed. "Where are we going?"

"Showers." They'd be listening, but my voice was chipper and airy and every bit my usual as I explained the rules - but my gaze gave a seriously 'just trust me' look. "We have communal showers because we're supposed to abandon shame about our bodies. It helps make proper decisions as to whether we want surgery at the end of Phase Four. Love your body, right? And we become girls but we're allowed to decide certain things about our bodies. Breast size. Girl parts or boy parts. Sexuality. We're all inherently made bisexual, but we can choose at the end if we'd prefer one or the other." Most of what I was saying was for the benefit of the microphones and cameras - it was facts I'd picked up from listening to Fourths; they had their own wings but we saw them occasionally if they were on the Mother education stream; diaper changes and the like. We got to the end of the hall and stepped into the large tiled room that was the shared showers. There was a set of changing tables on each of the side walls and a dozen shower heads that hung from the ceiling without any dividing walls. "Come on, let's shower." I smiled and turned away, my cheeks burning as I slipped out of my clothes and hoped I'd somehow be able to change out of my diaper without Audrey noticing.

"Wait - you mean shower with you?" That meant seeing her… him naked.  That meant him seeing me naked!  Nope, not happening.  But Callum started taking his clothes off and a moment later I noticed the white plastic of a diaper.  I very quickly turned my back from him and looked onward into the shower area. "Oh… I didn't know… um… thought the whole… diaper thing was a Firsts deal… not… uh… yeah…" I felt so blatantly awkward.  What was the big deal?  He saw me in one...

"Shower times are the only time we're allowed to touch our own diapers. And no, Firsts and Seconds wear diapers, or rather, Seconds wear pull-ups. Seconds are mostly potty trained though. I'm…" I looked down at the diaper as I balled it up and taped it, before dropping it into the trash can. "An exception. Part of my punishment." She hadn't seen me, s'far as I could tell, and I wandered over to the shower area completely naked. My body was probably a sight; milky white perfect skin from head to toe, little puffy beginnings of breasts with puffy nipples befitting a twelve year old, and then what might only be described as a somehow obscurely pretty penis. Symmetrical, hairless and cute; but still... well… I was probably popular with the girls when I was a boy. "Come on, you have take off your clothes; I've seen you naked before, yesterday, remember?" I smiled, hoping that it would help. It probably wouldn't, but we needed to shower so we could talk.

"I… I don't think…" I shook my head and faced back toward the changing tables once Callum moved over into the shower area.  I really wanted to shower, too… but I couldn't like this.  Not with him right there, not naked.  I couldn't even do that in gym class. "I'm gonna go back to the room, tell me when you're done and I'll shower."

"Audrey!" My voice was stern as I tried to impart the importance of all this onto the ditzy girl. "Please? It's important that we shower now. Very important." The microphones were always on, but someone had once told me they couldn't hear things over the sound of the shower and so we used shower time to talk about things that weren't allowed. Well, the others did. I wasn't popular enough to have gossip at shower times.

I blushed a bit at the stern voice as it said my not-name.  I froze in my tracks, but I was careful not to turn around.  He's naked.  Naked.  No clothes.  And you're not about to shower with a naked boy, Colin.  I stood frozen and awkward a minute, hearing his footsteps on the tile floor.  I didn't turn around, though.

My hand slipped into the boy’s and I squeezed it, wanting so badly to say what I needed to say but knowing I couldn't. "Know what a leap of faith is, Audrey?" Standing behind her, I slipped my free hand down to the hem of her nightie and began to lift it up, slowly, gently, as my lips touched the back of her neck and I whispered. "I'll reward you with a kiss." Truth of the matter was that I was putting a lot of faith into this girl who'd already proven she didn't care about me, and I didn't know why. But the least she could do was trust me.

"I don't want a kiss from-" But her lips… his lips! pressed against my neck.  And I felt tingly, but I shook my head. "Callum, I mean it.  Cut it out." I turned around to face him, finding his very girly face surprisingly close to me.  Well, at least I couldn't see his body… "Callum.  I said stop."

My hand took Audrey's and I pressed it to one of my budding breasts. Oh my lord… I felt my cheeks burning at the idea that someone was touching me, even though I'd made it happen. "You can touch more in the shower. Please just trust me?" Her reluctance and my insistence would raise suspicion if I couldn't get this happening soon and I tried not to sound desperate. So I whispered in the sweetest most seductive voice I could muster: a voice that a Fourth had once shown me could melt hearts. "...please? For me?"

I didn't quite know when, but I was almost sure Callum had taken off my top and led me into the water.  I looked anywhere but at his body, though, and did my best to keep my back to him at all times.  I observed the ceiling as the water cascaded down on me, but I didn't see any cameras… I didn't see any in our room either.  So how did they listen in?

With the water cascading over us, I knew they were still watching - perverts! - so I started doing what was expected and squirted some body wash lotion onto a puffball and began to lather up Audrey's body. "What if… there were a weakness in the system. Something a Third once mentioned. A way out." The sweet smelling lotion foamed over her body - she had little wisps of body hair but by tomorrow it'd all be gone.

I quickly grabbed the little puff ball from Callum's hand and felt the heat on my cheeks, looking away from him and starting to wash myself.  So presumptuous… "Yeah?  Like what?  You really something like that exists?  Seems like a pipe dream to me…" But I'd given up.  A way out would probably be better than suicide though… "Tell me more."

I snatched the puffball back with puffy cheeks and frowned. "For one, you gotta start fitting in. That means you gotta let me wash you or they'll know somethings up." I ran the lather down her back and then down one leg, and up the center with a little smile on my face as it slid up between her tushy cheeks, but I spoke at the same time to distract her. "Phase change: at the end of Phase One, they take you to cure you of the milk addiction. There's no orderlies, no guards, just a nurse. One nurse. I'd be there with you because Seconds are always there when Firsts progress. There's two doors: one that goes to the corridor that splits into Phase One and Phase Two - we share a wing - and the other, I think, goes to the Phase Three area. A Fourth told me that their wing is connected with the Thirds, and that the Fourths have day trips so there's a door there, a way out. I don't know much else. Just what I hear from others and what they hear. And to be honest I never planned to escape…"

"Seems like a risk…" I was horribly uncomfortable having Callum wash me down, but I kept my eyes closed and let him do it anyway.  He was the smart one, here; I was the new kid. "If we get caught… and still, that's months away.  I can't, Callum.  Not for that long…" I sighed and kept my eyes closed tight, my voice still a whisper.  And if we fail to escape, we're as good as dead anyway…

"If we get caught, we'll either be wiped clean or Phase Zero'd anyway. Either way, I doubt we'll be in any position to care what happens to us." I still didn't know what Phase Zero was, but it was like the monster beneath the bed; the story was probably more scary than the actual reality of it. "I'm at peace, Audrey. Whether they brainwashed me like you're afraid they did, or whatever else… I'm looking forward to Phase Three and Four and getting out of here. But for whatever reason… and I don't know why… I'm really attracted to you. I was before I even knew you. Like it was fate or something, I don't know. This place made me better… but I'm worried it'll destroy you. So I'm willing to risk it. I want to risk it. Because…" My voice dropped. "So far as I remember now, you're my first kiss. And I guess as awkward as it might be for you, cause you'll never ever see me as a girl... I think I have a bit of a crush on you."

I felt my cheeks get a little hot underneath the shower and I bit my lip, still facing away from Callum. "Don't leave… okay?  I can get out on my own."  With her idea, I wasn't sure how yet.  But I could fake sick, right?  I'd go to the nurse then.  Because I couldn't wait months to be let out; I couldn't.  But I didn't want Callum to go with me… "I can't give you anything.  So you stay here and live out your life the way you want.  And I'm gonna do things my way.  Thanks for the info." I stepped away from Callum, then, before he had a chance to retort.  I went to a different shower head and started to rinse off there, then wash my much needed hair.

My cheeks puffed out in frustration and I followed the boy to the other shower head, then pinned her to the wall, looking straight into her eyes. "You listen to me, missy, and you listen well. I have nothing out there. Nothing. I don't even know who I was, or my family, or where I lived or anything. You're the first good thing to happen to me in the four months I've been here and…" I looked down and frowned, biting my lip. "…please don't leave me. Please?" Wow. Did I really sound that pathetic?

Callum let me down and my feet slid back onto the floor, though my whole body was shaking.  Maybe it was from the cold tile on my bare back, or maybe it was from shock.  She didn't let me go, though, just down on the ground again.  It was so difficult to stand.  I stared up at her… him incredulously and I felt my cheeks get very warm.  I'd never been thrown around like that, even in high school…

"If we're getting out of here, we're getting out of here together." I didn't realize I had such abandonment issues, but I guess being abandoned by my own self was bound to have that sort of impact. "And maybe in time you'll see that I'm not brainwashed, that this is who I am, and you'll stop thinking so poorly of me." It was stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. I had a good plan! Stay here. Do perfect. Leave. Start my life over. Be a good girl. Lead a good life. Why was I throwing it away on this girl who didn't even want me?! I didn't get it.

"Uh huh…" She finally let me go and I slid down to the floor.  I still had shampoo in my hair, but it wasn't a concern at the moment.  Callum… or… Staycee… I didn't know anymore… whoever it was, he or she went back to the shower and finished washing up.  I joined a minute later when I found the strength to stand again, though I didn't say another word to him or her until we made it back into the bedroom.  I was in my nightgown again and Callum/Staycee was wrapped in the towel.  Once the door closed behind us, I managed to speak, though my eyes didn't look up from the floor. "I'll… um… call you whatever you prefer… it's up to you." It was more choice than anyone ever gave me…

"Staycee, please." I began to towel off, not a scrap of modesty in the world - though Audrey looked away instinctively from my body. Maybe she was disgusted, or maybe she wasn't and that was what bothered her. Either way, I was just this strange amalgamation of a person now, I could understand the discomfort. I just didn't feel it, myself. "Hey, what's your surname?"

My last name wasn't in my file?  Or maybe she forgot.  It was strange that I found it so much easier to call her a "she".  Still, I hoped she'd never do the same to me.  I didn't want to be Audrey; I just wanted to be me.  And once we got out of here, I would be. "Nicholls." I couldn't say my first name with it - it wasn't allowed - but I found no reason to lie about my last name.

I had an official last name - when my new ID was printed at the end of all this I presumed it would be present, just as everybody else had ID with their new first names on it.  But that boy, that whole name, was something I wasn’t anymore.  Even if I had the last name Harper for the rest of my life, I’d much rather think myself closer to the new girl beside me than the old boy I was. "Then I'll be Staycee Nicholls. I think I like the sound of that."
 

[Wannatripbaby]

Speaking of editing, have you considered reposting an edited version of that one story you & Pudding were doing before the site crashed? I think it was called Untrained? I know it had at least the one sex scene, but I don't know if that could be edited out without damaging the story. 

[Sophie ♥]

 

I think it was called Untrained?

Yes!  Actually I finished editing and posted it as a Patreon exclusive for the $5 tier.  It sucks that we can't post a completed version on here, but I completely understand and support DD's rules about stories.  Though sex goes hand in hand with teenagers from a writing perspective, distancing the ABDL community from underage content is more important.  So I decided to just chalk it up to a "thank you!" reward for our patrons.  And unlike A&S, which only has two scenes that need censoring, there is a lot of that stuff moving into the later chapters of Untrained.

When it's my decision, I'll always avoid putting stories behind paywalls.  Just stuff we can't put on DD and commission content.  

You can always subscribe to our Patreon for a month and check it out.  We do exclusive captions, commission content, and polls.  I've recently started posting pictures of little stuff, like my pacifiers, or texts I send to Pudding.  Then you can grab the PDF and ePub for Untrained.  And if you decide the whole thing isn't for you, you can unsubscribe and keep the files.  Obviously I don't condone subscribing just to take content, but I think even $5 is very generous, especially for something that was going to be free.

[Wannatripbaby]

Believe me, I'd love to. Not for any particular benefits, but simply because you & Pudding have meant a lot to me and you deserve my money.

Unfortunately I cannot. I won't go into any details, but put simply, my finances are very closely monitored. And, as you can imagine, I'm not too keen on people finding out about this side of me. I'm sure you understand.

[Sophie ♥]

Oh I TOTALLY understand that. >_< Gosh that sucks.  So it must be hard for you to get ABDL stuff too.  I would lose my mind.  

[Wannatripbaby]

I don't get ABDL stuff. I'm actually not really an Adult Baby. Or even a Diaper Lover in the conventional sense. I've always been more interested in the Caretaker aspect. I want to be a Daddy to a Little Girl. And as of a month ago I've had an online Little (whom I actually met here) amd she's made me deliriously happy despite the fact we'll probably never meet. 

I guess you could call me an ABDLL.

[Sophie ♥]

Aww!  I'm so happy for you!  I don't really identify with the ABDL stuff either - I'm definitely a Little.  I hope everything goes wonderfully.  

(For anyone reading this stuff in the future, I AM SO SORRY that we are talking about nothing in particular.  I'm trying to push onto the third page.)

[Wannatripbaby]

And we're only like 3 comments away.

[Sophie ♥]

PART II: Who Are You?

I sat down on the edge of the bed with a diaper and began to sprinkle powder upon my skin. "We need to go to breakfast soon and that means milk, so I'll need to diaper you and dress you appropriately. But remember that time moves faster when you're on the milk, like it's a dream. I know you don't wanna drink it, but the sooner we get through all this the sooner we get to phase change. I won't let anything bad happen to you." I finished taping up my diaper and held up my pinky. "I promise. And a pinky promise is the most powerful force in the universe to me."

I shook my head and crossed my arms. "I'm not drinking the milk.  That's not negotiable." I turned to the vanity mirror and messed up my wet hair, though it didn't make it look any different. "I'll fake sick or something as soon as I can, and then-"

Oh my gosh. My eyes went wide and I threw a pillow across the room at Audrey. They. Are. Always. Listening. Oh my gosh, why did I have to fall for such a ditz?! I stormed over to the closet to pick out my clothes for the day, and at the same time I looking for something for Audrey. I wanted us to match, like sisters. I turned around with the two outfits in my hand and wandered back over to the bed, hanging the hangers on the curtain rail that hung from the ceiling. "Lay on the bed, Audrey. If you're not diapered I'll get punished. You don't have to use it, but Firsts are to be diapered at all times." I decided not to push the milk issue further for now; she'd be feeling the withdrawals by the time we got to the cafeteria hall anyway.

I frowned at Staycee and looked at the bed.  It didn't seem like I'd have a choice. I could play their games as long as I kept who I was, as long as I remembered my name was Colin, and as long as I chose what I was doing.  The milk would be a problem, but the diapers… I could play along. "I can do it myself." I took the blue diaper from Staycee's hand and sat down on the bed.  Actually, I'd never diapered anyone before… maybe I couldn't. "Why are mine blue and yours are yellow - is that a First/Second thing?"

"We have them in seven colors; it's just to match outfits.  It’ll be different when you get assigned a color, though. But I decided you'd be wearing blue, so you get blue." Some things really were that simple. I ran my hand over the blue sun-dress I'd picked out and knelt down to pick up the ribbons off the floor. "I also decided you'd wear ribbons. Because I think they're really cute. I actually spent like two days picking out your accessories and things, because I really wanted you to feel pretty. But I guess things didn't go according to plan…" Stop sounding so sad, Staycee: you'll make her feel bad. Topic change. "I really think I'd better do that for you. They do inspections and if your diaper isn't taped perfect, it's a strike."

She picked blue for me…?  I guess she didn't know at the time, but it meant a lot: she picked a boy's color.  I had a small smile on my lip as I looked down at my feet. "Um… yeah.  Okay…" I wasn't sure how the strike system worked, but I didn't want any if it meant finding my way back in the memory-erasing room.  Plus, she'd diapered me before, and she saw me naked in the shower just now.

No argument, an improvement! I nudged the boy down onto the bed and pulled away the towel, leaving him naked and exposed; the part of my brain that now liked girls and boys saw plenty to appreciate. I liberally powdered the boy and then unfolded the diaper so I could slide it beneath his bottom. Diapering was something I'd become somewhat an authority on. I didn't know if it was four months of diaper changes, or the classes or whatever, but it just came very naturally to me. Maybe it had something to do with when they fetishized it all for me, when they made the sight of a yellowed diaper make me weak at the knees. But those were facts I wouldn't soon be sharing. The tapes slipped into place and I gently rubbed the front of her diaper with a satisfied smile. "Do you like the dress I chose?" After today, she'd probably have more to say about the outfits; but I wanted to try and encourage her as best I could now. In my head I went over Phase One. No body changes. Incontinence, though, completely. Affection for girlish things. But breast growth wasn't until Phase Two. If we could make it to the phase change, she'd still be able to live as a boy. Well… a very emotional and thoughtful boy, but still a boy. It was possible.

"I don’t know.  I don’t understand dresses." Staycee sat me up on the bed and pulled the blue dress on next.  I wasn't sure how I felt in the childish attire, but it wasn't horrible-looking.  At least, it wasn't as childish as the one before it.  I could even have passed as a young teen if I tried.  Still, the short hair cut spared me more than Staycee as she pulled her own hair into pigtails.

Once we were both dressed, I crossed the room to the vanity and retrieved a pacifier - well, what might have been a pacifier except the teat was significantly larger - and attached it to a white clip with a pattern of blue hearts along the fabric. I attached it to the front of her dress and smiled happily. "It's rules. All firsts have to have a paci at all times. Come on." I checked my appearance in the mirror and tussled my hair one last time, then took the boys hand in mine. "I really like holding hands. I hope it's not strange for you."

"No… it's whatever." Staycee led me out of the bedroom and for the first time I saw the hallways filled with actual people.  Not many, granted, but a few of them I recognized from the day before, at lunch.  No one made eye contact, though; I guess that was the way of making things easier, and I appreciated it.  Still, I glanced up every so often, seeing every single boy in a dress.  Even the Seconds, who I was now aware were boys, were in dresses.

Most all of the Seconds were quite pretty, but one of the reasons I attracted such ire was the fact that I was a cut above the rest of them; not a one of them looked at all like a boy, it was just… I was prettier. It was conceited to think so, but it was them who said it. We held hands and wandered down the hall.  Some of the Firsts were already giggling and smiling; they'd given in the temptation of the milk kept in the bedrooms at all times. One was even cuddled up to the arm of her Second, looking lovingly up at her as they walked. Tim, too, was there - though he crawled at the end of a leash, his short ruffled dress showing off his very clearly messy diaper and a freshly inked tattoo just above like a tramp stamp that read "Stinky Baby Girl~" in pretty cursive lettering. His cheeks were red, but he didn't spit out his pacifier; his resistance clearly drained away.

I felt sick to my stomach watching the two groups of boys file into the dining room.  Tim sat across from me again, though this time he didn't look up from the table in the slightest.  No one did, other than the giggling gaggle.  I avoided eye contact, too, feeling sicker by the second.  And it wasn't until the woman came out to speak at the podium that the sickness turned into a deep nausea and I started to consider it wasn't the sight of the boys that was making me sick…

"Good morning, girls. By now you know the run of things here, and some of you are adapting better than others. Today starts your sessions, each crafted specifically to help you attain the foundations of a new you. It is a reminder that all of you are to obey your Sister Seconds. Enjoy your breakfast." She sat down at a table that seemed staffed by administration staff entirely and the trays of food began to file in. Tim was one of the first to slip his pacifier out and replace it with a bottle today; clearly the escape was better than the reality. I had little blueberry pancakes with syrup and a cup of juice - the pancakes already cut into bite sized pieces - and once again there was the ever present bottle. Audrey's withdrawals would have started by now, or would be starting soon, but I didn't say anything as I began to eat my breakfast.

I knew I was being watched and it was very difficult not to give in just to make everyone stop.  The few boys who hadn't started sipping their bottles yet looked at me incredulously, though they, too, took up their bottles.  The Seconds, however, refused to stop staring.  I felt my cheeks burn a little, but I stayed strong.  Even if I wanted to drink the bottle, I just felt too sick… still, a sip couldn't hurt… no, you know what it does to you, Colin.

My hand took Audrey's under the table and I squeezed it reassuringly as I whispered, "Sessions are much easier if you have the babyhaze. You sort of drift through the day and then by the time you come down it's the evening and you're another day closer to being a Second." I knew my words wouldn't sway her, though, so they were all I said on the matter as I took another bite of my pancakes. As it stood, now, Audrey was the only one not drinking and across from her at the table, meek, timid, freshly branded for life and in a very messy diaper sat the sole reminder of what happened when someone didn't drink their bottle.

It was probably the most uncomfortable half hour of my life, and that included my court hearing.  I sat in complete silence, half the eyes in the room on me, and trembled slightly next to Staycee.  The longer I waited, the more I wanted the drink in front of me, but I made absolutely sure not to have a sip.  This was important.  Had to refrain, otherwise… it was back to that… babyhaze, as Staycee called it.  And I couldn't handle it again.  The hopelessness of coming out of it was too much…

The orderlies watched the two of us and I tried to ignore the drilling gaze, but by miracle or luck or blessing, or perhaps because Audrey hadn't stood up and made a scene… they didn't make a move. All the firsts were in their haze now, diapers filling, newly awakened baby girls giggling and the focus of my fellow Seconds went back to their charges. It would start as an itch, just behind the neck, and then would spread to a dryness of the mouth. An unquenchable thirst that nothing else would sate. That was as far as my rebellion had gotten me before I gave in, but there were more stages beyond. The thirst was too much for me, though. We got up and followed the others out of the hall, my hand still in Audrey's. "Your first session is in fifteen minutes. I'm going to walk you there, okay?"

"Session…?  Session for what…?" I felt dizzily ill.  The sight of the bottle so close to me certainly made me acutely aware that what Staycee had told me was true.  I was addicted.  But I'd have to break that cycle, and it really shouldn't be that hard since I'd only had one bottle.  Still, I knew it would get worse than this… "You can't go with me…?" I wasn't sure how I felt being without her… strange how things change.

"I'll walk you there, and then I have my own session. Yours go for an hour, mine for fifty minutes, that way I'll be there to drop you off and pick you up. It's designed that way." My hand squeezed Audrey's and we began to walk down the clinically clean hallway together. "Sessions are compulsory and missing one is a five point strike. Just go along with it, and focus on what we talked about. Phase change, got it?" My pep talk was probably not greatly effective, but her first session was going to be scary and I wanted to offer all the help I could manage.

"Yeah… sure… okay…" I wasn't aware I'd be going to school, though.  That's what this was, right?  School?  If I'd known that, I would have worn something a little less… well, girly.  But I guess I didn't look nearly as bad as a few of the boys, and I hadn't had my bottle, like them.  What would this lesson hold for me?  Staycee led me to a door and I looked at her with a worried expression.

"Sessions here are… well… okay, you don't actually have to do anything for them as a First. We have actual social classes and stuff as Seconds, but for Firsts its different. You'll see. Just close your eyes and think of me, and it'll be over in a heartbeat." I knocked on the door three times and waited, then declared, "Staycee Harper. Sister Second. ID Number 1781. Presenting Audrey Nicholls. First. ID Number 1899." The door slid open and an orderly came to present. "Come with me." He stepped aside and waited for Audrey to enter. I kissed her on the lips, a proper kiss, and then squeezed her hand. "See you soon." Beyond the orderly was a clinical room that looked like a doctor’s exam room, and there was a sweet looking girl no older than perhaps twenty or twenty one with meticulously made up eyes behind her red-rimmed glasses, dressed in a long white coat over casual clothes and her bright red hair up in braids. "Hey cutie! Come on in. Have a seat, okay, I'll be with you in just one second."

As instructed, I took a seat.  But it couldn't have been a classroom… no, that didn't make sense.  The room was too small and there were only a small number of seats.  I bit my lip and waited nervously for the lady to return.  She called me cute… maybe she wasn't so bad.  Then again, if she wound up being the nurse I wouldn’t have a very hard time breaking out of here.  I didn't want to hurt anyone, especially not someone nice, but this woman was immensely small.

"Not there, silly. Here." She motioned to the dentist-chair-looking seat in the center and waited for the anxious boy to make his way and slide onto the soft padding. It wasn't at all sinister looking - not like the tables in the memory room - just a padded chair that reclined back and was entirely too comfortable for its own good. There was the sound of Audrey's diaper crinkling and the nurse wandered around behind the chair and smiled sweetly. "Is this your first session, doll? Don't worry, I'll totes be gentle."

"Uh huh… can you tell me, maybe, what you're being gentle with? I don't really know what's going on…" I started to wonder if she'd ever even dealt with a boy before who wasn't in the babyhaze.  She definitely had a disposition that would go over well with children, but that I was very much not.

Her perfectly manicured fingertips eased the boys shoulders back down onto the bed and she reached up to the ceiling and pulled an arm down attached to what looked like a set of chunky 3D glasses. "This is going to be like watching a movie, like the best IMAX movie ever. You're going to love it, munchkin." She slid the large unit over the boy’s head and the glasses were tightened into place by a little lever on the back, blocking out all light and leaving Audrey in darkness. Earbuds pressed into his ears and a moment later the program began. Just white noise, bright colors, strange shapes but impossible to ignore. In the back of the images and the words, faint words that seemed like truths. Audrey is a baby girl. Baby girls wear diapers. Baby girls love their pacifiers. Baby girls love their Seconds. Messages and concepts sprawled like images caught out of the corner of the eye, easy to see but impossible to focus on. Diapers. Pacifiers. Can't control peeing. Can't control messing. Want to be pretty. Want to be pretty so bad. Compliments about being pretty are so very potent. Crave being called a good girl. Love your new name. Cycling through messages, repeating, drilling deeper into the boys subconscious.

"It… was an hour…?" I thought I'd fallen asleep, but was far too shy to admit it to the kind woman taking off the headset. "I don't… um… remember a lot… is that bad?" Actually, I didn't remember anything!  What was I supposed to be learning in a session like this, anyway?  The screen mostly just played white noise.  And still, the clock said it was only five minutes until the end of my session.  It really had been an hour…

"It's okay cutie, it's a lot to take in, don't worry if you don't remember it all." She smiled and took the boys hand, doing a test routine. "You're really pretty, Audrey, and you were such a good girl. We still have five minutes. Do you want me to paint your nails, pretty girl? As a reward for being so good?" She played things off so perfectly and sweetly, but the girl was really only doing her job. She just happened to do it really, really well.

I swelled with pride at the woman's compliment and nodded happily, sitting upright and putting my hands out.  I actually had no idea how one would go about painting nails, but I assumed just to hold still and the nice woman would do them for me.  She painted in blissful silence, humming quietly, and I bit the inside of my cheek a little.  My mouth felt so dry… "I'm Audrey." It was the first time I'd said it without gagging. "What's your name?"

"I'm Velvet." It was probably one of the oddest names for anybody, but this bubbling airy girl seemed to carry it off well enough. She smiled happily as she blew on Audrey's nails and held up the boy’s hand for her to see. "Don't let it touch anything, beautiful girl. I'm going to do the other one." True to her word, she began on the second hand and continued the conversation. "I love your name, Audrey. It's very pretty. Did you pick it out?" Velvet knew, of course, how things worked here, but it was another of her control questions.

"Nuh uh… Staycee did." I looked down at my pretty hand and smiled, careful not to let it touch anything, just as Velvet had specified.  I looked up at the clock again.  Stacy would be waiting soon.  I looked back down at the girl painting my nails and tried to think about what we were talking about. "You really think it's pretty?  My name I mean.  I can tell her you said so."

"I think it's beautiful, just like you. A pretty name for a pretty girl. It means strong and noble. So I guess in that way, it means you're a princess. Princess Audrey?" She smiled bright with her pink painted lips and let the girl have her hands back. "You were such a good girl today, Audrey. I hope you'll be excited to see me tomorrow?" Even to Velvet, it was surreal just how much the Hypno sessions changed things in the Firsts. Even now the changes were minor, but they were deeply ingrained and wouldn't fade - and day by day they'd be built upon to create perfect little girls.

I waved goodbye and stepped out into the white hallway, still looking at my colored nails.  They were blue, like my dress, and that made me happy.  They were still wet, though.  Staycee was waiting just outside the door and I hurried up to her, showing her my hands. "Look!  Velvet did them.  She was so so nice.  I can't wait to see her again.  I wonder if she'll do my toes… is that weird?  Toes might be weird…"

"Painting toes is certainly not weird." I couldn't help but smile at the bubbly girl that had replaced my somber Audrey and my arm linked in hers so as to avoid her glistening nails touching anything. "How're you feeling, Audrey? Your next session isn't for another fifteen minutes; what would you like to do? We could go back to our room for a little bit and cuddle if you like? You look so pretty, especially with your nails painted." Pretty girl. Good girl. Strong words that worked on me, and on other Firsts. I had a good inclination that they'd work on her, too, but I didn't want to be obvious about it.

I smiled widely and nodded proudly. "Yeah.  They're really nice.  I think I will ask her to do my toes tomorrow!  Can't wear any shoes around here anyway…" I pouted and looked down at my feet and the thin carpet that covered the floor.  "What do you mean next session… Velvet said she wouldn't see me until tomorrow…" I looked back at the door - the one which was now far behind us.  I liked her.

"Well, you have two sessions every day as a First. Breakfast, two sessions, lunch, play time, dinner, repeat. Your first session is always the same, and you'll have Velvet every day for it. Your second session is different every day." It made me giddy to see Audrey so peppy and bubbly despite the fact her withdrawals would soon catch up with her, and as we wandered the halls I kept thinking about how good this really was for her. If something could make someone so gleeful, how could it be bad? We got back to our room and I closed the door behind us. "How's your diaper, pretty girl?"

"Fine." I went over to the vanity and looked at my nails in the mirror, smiling to myself at the way they reflected against the glass surface.  I really was pretty, wasn't I?  Still, it didn't seem like Staycee wasn’t very satisfied with my statement and she lifted my dress up on her own. "I haven't even drank anything today, remember?  And I think I'd remember if…" But the sarcastic smile on her face shut me up. "What?"

"Come on, I'll get you changed." My hand slipped into hers and I led her back over to the bed. "Lay down for me? I'll give you kisses if you're a good girl." It was almost deja vu, promises of kisses to get my way - but things were different now. She'd been taken off the path to sadness and been given a chance to be happy, maybe even a chance to believe that I might actually want her for her. But that was all too much to think about for now; I had to keep my goals realistic.

I sat down on the bed with a small pout and looked at my nails shyly. "I don't remember it… going to the bathroom, I mean… well, I mean, I didn't go to the bathroom, but… well, you get it, and I don't remember it…" I suddenly felt a little bit worried and there were so few people I trusted.  I barely trusted me… "Staycee… am I still okay?  I'm not different, right…?"

"You're fine, pretty girl. You don't feel any different, do you?" I knelt down in front of her by the edge of the bed and took her hands in mine, looking up into her pretty, worried eyes. "I won't let anything bad happen to you, Audrey. You trust me, don't you?" My pink painted nails contrasted to the blue nails of Audrey's and both our gazes settled on the aesthetic. From here, where I knelt, I could see her yellowed diaper up her dress and I felt my heart race a little. Fuck you, Calibeen Reform!

"Um… yeah, I trust you…" I bit my lip a little bit and I kept catching little glances of Staycee looking between my legs… up my dress?  I couldn't help but smile a little, holding her hand tight in mine. "You wanna lie down… just a minute, I mean.  I mean… you've been… today's been hard and you're… helping me a lot… so… I wanna thank you." What happened to my words?  I just kept tripping over everything I said.

My head nodded softly as my pigtails bounced and I crawled up onto the bed, laying down and motioning for Audrey to lay with me. "You don't have to thank me for anything, Audrey. I was alone before you got here, remember? I'm lucky to have someone so pretty who wants to lay with me and cuddle. You're such a good person, Audrey. Such a good girl." I wanted to wrap my arms around Velvet and squeeze her tight for helping Audrey be happy, I wanted to thank everybody here, even despite all the bad things they did. Because right now… she was smiling.

With Staycee cuddled so close, her body heat radiating into mine, and the serene whispers in my ear, I found myself not hating this place quite so much.  I couldn't keep it that way, but I still had ten minutes until my next session.  I could have kept it to myself, but it seemed like a lovely moment.  I hoped I didn't regret it… "In the shower… with you pushing me to the wall… cleaning me, too… I really didn't mind that…"

My cheeks were blushed bright red at her confession and I pulled myself a little closer to the boy, my leg intertwining with his as we cuddled closely. "We'll get up early every day, and every day we'll get to do that. Just you and me, before anybody else wakes up." It would have been surreal to Colin Nicholls to be told that in 48 hours he'd be laying in a bed adorned in a blue dress and ribbons, a wet diaper and painted nails, cuddled up to an adorable girl who'd once been a boy. But here we were. I whispered in her ear one more time. "I hope one day you don't hate your name so much, my pretty baby girl."

I sat up a little quickly and it startled Staycee.  I frowned and looked over at her with deep concern. "Why would I hate my name…? Do I normally?" I shook my head a little bit and bit the inside of my cheek.  Something didn't feel right… "What… exactly happens in those sessions?  I just… I fell asleep while we were watching some movie." I shook my head, trying to recall any other memory, but I couldn't…

My hand gently eased the girl back down on the bed and I kissed her lips softly, hoping to distract her from the thought process at hand. Once she stopped trembling and melted into the kiss, I pulled away. "It's just a movie, pretty girl. Sort've like a relaxation movie. You're supposed to fall asleep, I think." Another kiss followed and I answered the question at hand. "You said you didn't like your name very much. Did you change your mind?"

"I… I don't know… I don't remember not liking it…" That worried me.  It all worried me.  I just wanted to be me… "Is this me…? Do I like it… or… or did they do something… like they do with you?  I just wanna be me, Staycee… I'd promised.  I gotta keep being me because I promised…" I felt sick to my stomach.  Was this how Staycee felt all the time?  Unsure of who she was?

My hands slipped into Audrey's and I smiled reassuringly. "You're having withdrawals from your milk, sweetie. It's messing you all up, it confuses you and makes it hard to think. Remember? We always have a bottle in the mini-fridge though, are you sure you don't want it?" My hand gently ran up the boys arm, tracing nails up her soft skin. Her next session would get rid of the little wispy fuzz that lined his body, and she'd feel so much prettier. I just had to calm this train of thought.

I nodded softly, closing my eyes and trying to focus on Staycee's words.  She was right.  Of course she was.  No milk.  And I'd been feeling so sick all day, and my mouth has been so dry… she was right.  It was the milk, just making me think too much.  I'd sort all this out the second my withdrawals were over.  We'd move past this together, me and her…

We only had about five minutes left before we'd have to change diapers and move onto our next sessions, so I lay on my back and pulled Audrey so she was laying cuddled up to my chest. With my additional height and the positioning, I actually felt very much the 'boy' in our dynamic. I liked that; it made me smile. My fingers tangled in her hair and I whispered softly. "You're the prettiest girl I've ever met, Audrey, you're beautiful and soft and wonderful to kiss and when I press you against the wall in the shower and ran my soaped up fingers across your smooth pretty skin, I just think the most delightful things. We're going to stay by each others side, aren't we, my little Audrey girl?"

I nodded softly and cuddled up close to Staycee's chest.  She watched the clock - not me - so she knew when to get up and start changing me.  I let her this time - no complaints.  It wasn't worth it.  And the idea of not wearing a diaper wasn't even an option for me.  She pulled me back up to my feet once I was dry and flattened my dress for me, leading me out of the bedroom alongside her.  Another session, another mysterious hour.

We went down the hall together; I hadn't a chance to change my own diaper but I was only wet and I kind of… cherished the feeling. My cheeks glowed a little rosy color and my hand stayed linked with Audrey's as we walked together. Her next session would be electro. She'd be put to sleep and over the space of an hour a team of a dozen or so people would intricately remove every single bit of body and facial hair. What happened in there precisely would have remained a mystery of not for the girl who'd woken up mid-session screaming in pain due to being immune to the anesthesia they’d used. It was sort of a horrifying thought, but I really did adore my hairless body, and I knew Audrey would too with the right reinforcement. I decided, regardless, to spare her the details. "This Session is easy. You get given a little shot to put you to sleep, and when you wake up all your icky peach fuzz is gone." As we stood in front of the door, I took her fingertips and trailed them up my arm to my shoulder, smiling. "Imagine being smooth just like me, Audrey. Imagine how much prettier you'll feel. Soft and smooth and gorgeous. Are you excited?" I had a big grin, trying to imprint some enthusiasm on my worried little girl.

"Uh huh… I mean, I guess…" Nervous was a better word than excited, but if it meant being more like my Staycee, I really had no complaints.  Plus, I didn't like to shave.  I very frequently didn't do so since my hair grew so slowly on my face, but it was a bother nonetheless.  Staycee kissed my cheek goodbye just as the door opened and I was ushered in. "Um… hi… I'm…"

"Audrey. ID Number 1899. Correct?" The attendant this time was a man: late forties with very soft features and a kind smile. He wasn't wearing a coat or anything so medical, just a pair of cleanly pressed pants and a button up top. His words were soft and kind, like a mall Santa Claus, soothing almost, and he motioned to a large wire frame that somewhat resembled the skeleton of an exam table. "Come now, cherub. It looks frightening, I know, but it's just like any other bed, just you wait and see." He lifted Audrey up beneath the arms, like an adult lifting a child, and summarily laid her down on the framework. True to his word, it was supportive, just like a bed, if a little less comfortable. "I'd like to give you a shot, child, if that's okay with you?"

"That'll make me sleep, right?  And nothing will hurt?" It helped a lot to know what was happening in this room versus the other.  Despite my asking Velvet, she didn't help me very much in the way of understanding what was going on.  Still, I couldn't help but be a little fearful. "How do you know the shot will work?" I never was good with pain, even before this place.

The man's hands were rough: the hands of a man who'd lifted countless girls into this bed-frame, the hands of a man well-seasoned in the world. He smiled warmly and shook his head. "We have conducted blood tests for a while now to ensure we know about the patients with the gene that makes them resistant to anesthesia. Remember the tests when you first got here, child; one of the nurses took your blood? That's how we can be certain you won't wake up. I would never let any harm come to you." As he spoke, he prepared the hypodermic needle just out of sight; drawing it full with liquid and squeezing out the air. "Is there a place you'd prefer it? I can do arm, leg or behind. Do you have a preference, cherub?" Everything he said sounded so kind, as though every response from Audrey was a favor, as though he owed her the world and only wanted to make it up to her. It was a strange schism, but the way he spoke was almost as though he was her captive and not vice versa.

"Uh, no… whatever hurts less, I guess…" The bed wasn't very comfortable, but I supposed it wouldn't really matter once I received that shot.  I'd go to sleep, and when I woke up, everything would be all done.  So I sighed and closed my eyes and did my best to relax.  I felt a light prick in the back of my thigh, just under the hem of my dress, and I opened my eyes just quick enough to watch the lights fade away.

Once the girl on the framework had drifted away - and confirmed with a gentle prick beneath her fingernail, the kind man pressed a button on his counter-top and spoke softly. "We can begin." The small team that entered quickly undressed the girl - including her diaper - and got to work exactly as it had been described; a dozen pairs of hands each tending to individual hairs and working on preset areas. A process that might have taken days or weeks of time would be complete in less than forty minutes, all things accounted for. When the team had finished, one of them opened a small attache case and withdrew a very long needle. "I'm going to administer the prostate stimuli now." The rest of the team moved away, all bar two who gently pried open the youths bottom as the man guided the needle tip gently inside. His movements were precise and measured, careful and calm, and only when he contacted the girls little pleasure center did he press with force, and then depress the plunger. This element, the chemicals that would change the make-up of such an intrinsic part of the girls body, that would cause her sporadic and spontaneous bouts of intense internal desire at random intervals, was something new. She'd be the first.  It would go away on its own within the week, though.  By the time her eyes flicked open, though, the team was gone and Audrey was completely dressed as she had been; only now there wasn't a single hair apart from atop her head and eyes. "How are you feeling, cherub? Some wooziness is expected. Would you like a cookie?"

"Uh huh… please…" I nibbled softly at the cookie after it was handed to me, but my head was still spinning.  It was like I'd been asleep for days.  The doctor lifted me again like a child and set me down on my feet, though I stumbled until I found a wall for support.  Maybe I was a little dizzier than I thought.  The man gave me a concerned look, though, and I passed off a very exhausted smile.  I ran the back of my hand against my cheek - like Staycee had said, no fuzz.  Smooth as glass.

"Please sit, child. I'll fetch you some juice." It was technically against the rules for Firsts to have anything but their milk, but he was the only anesthetist willing to work here so it gave him a certain degree of latitude. He wandered to the refrigerator by the side of the room and poured a portion of orange juice - no pulp - into a purple sippy cup, before securing the lid tightly and bringing it over to Audrey. "Drink slow, you'll feel better soon. Who is your Second?"

"Staycee… um… don't know her… ID thing…" I sat on one of the nearby stools and sipped the cup of juice.  Oh, I had never loved any liquid so much.  And still, by the end of it's consumption, my mouth even felt more dry and unsatisfied.  Though, at least I had the benefit of being able to stand properly.  Lunch would be next, though, and the nausea from this morning had grown ten times worse.  Sitting there, watching all the Firsts with their bottles… I wasn't sure I could. "You should lemme stay here… for lunch time."

"I'm sorry, child. Would it be that I could, I most certainly would. But rules are rules." There was a rapping on the door and the man slowly wandered over to let me in. "Right this way, Staycee, correct?" Of course he remembered me in some regard, but I guess he saw a lot of us. "She's feeling quite woozy. I suggest you take her directly to the mess hall and request a double portion of her milk." He looked from me, and then to Audrey, and back with a smile. "You're free to go." My hand slipped into Audrey's and I looked down at her with a little bit of concern. "You feeling okay, pretty girl? Your skin looks so lovely." I ran fingers along her silky smooth arm and smiled broadly.

"Uh huh… feel fine…" Though I felt particularly far from fine.  I was still woefully dizzy and a majority of my walking was using Staycee for support.  I guess they didn't check the anesthesia genes for over effectiveness, since the dose had clearly done a number on me.  Though with my height compared to some of the other girls, I was hardly surprised. "Don't wanna eat… no dining, please….?"

I bit my lip anxiously and kissed Audrey's cheek - her continuing to ignore the milk would draw attention long before it became dangerous, and that attention would mean trouble for the both of us. But at the same time, her hypnosis was shaky and after the episode about her name I didn't want to put stress on the poor girl. "I won't force you to do anything, beautiful girl. You'd be a good girl if you drank, but if you don't want to I won't think you're any less pretty." We were almost at the mess hall now as we talked and I wondered how much longer her shaken resistance to the milk would last.

It was like déjà vu, and with the degree of my hopeless dizziness, it actually felt very much like I was in the first instance of déjà vu - the one where all the pieces just barely lined up.  The dining area was full, again, with boys dressed like girls and I looked down at my dress with a small pout.  I hadn't gotten any boy clothes yet, and it was such an important thing before.  It still was, wasn’t it?  The other boys, too, all drank their bottles with no hesitation.  I, however, sat unhappily and trembled at the table.  I felt so very wrong…

My hand beneath the table was the best I could offer in the way of comfort apart from shallow happy words, but I did everything I could manage. "You're so pretty, Audrey, you know that? I wish I were as pretty as you. You're short, too, and that's so girlie and desirable." A mouthful of food kept me from talking for a pause before I continued. "How's your diaper, by the way?" Most everything I said was just to try and distract her from the crushing debilitating feelings of the withdrawals.

I sat in my chair, my hands in my lap, and trembled.  I couldn't stop shaking.  Staycee was talking to me about things, but only half of them would register.  I whimpered at the comment about my appearance - I didn't want to be girly!  I wanted to be me.  Boyish… and um… boy… like.  And I most definitely didn't want to be wearing this stupid diaper! "Iss fine…" My words were barely audible, but I was sure Staycee could hear me.  The cafeteria was louder than usual, though.  With the Firsts fitting into their designated roles, they started behaving much more like children.  Silence wasn't a perk of that.

She was so hollow, so distant; the bottle sat before her filled with the cloudy milk and I bit my lip with an apprehensive smile. "If you have a sip, I'll show you what comes after kisses~" My tone was coy and playful, non confrontational. I just wanted her to be giddy and smiley like the other Firsts.

I shook my head and put my arms up on the table, and my head down on those.  I was sweating?  I hadn't noticed until my forehead hit my arms.  I kept shaking and closed my eyes, trying to get the milk out of my mind.  The sweet blissful serenity of it all… just a little sip… and Staycee would even… but couldn't, because of… the plan.  The plan?  What plan?  Ugh.  Why wouldn't my head stop pounding…

"Please... for me? It won't change anything. It won't change the world. It'll just make you smile. Make you happy. I wanna make you so happy~" It wasn't a lie, either. I'd always wanted to make her happy - make her smile - from the moment I first saw her face.

I whimpered and shook my head, sitting upright and looking at Staycee with as much seriousness as I could muster. "No, Staycee.  I… I'm not going to lose me… I don't care what happens - I don't care if I die, I don't care if they take all my memories, or… or anything!  I hate it… I'm not me when I'm like that…" Thankfully, the dining room was loud enough that I didn't make a scene. I felt sick to my stomach, talking so poorly of something I wanted so badly… just a little taste… but I knew better.  I remembered last time.

"You won't lose you. I won't let you. I'll help you keep you, but this sickness you feel right now...? It is destroying you. The milk never will, it's just something to make you feel good. A reward. A means to an end. When phase change comes, you'll still be you. They don't even sculpt your body until Phase Two." I felt uneasy saying things so flippantly, but if she didn't go along with Phase One we'd never get our chance. This was for her own good.

I shook my head and put my head back down on my arms.  I thought for sure I'd be sick.  People got up and started to leave, but when I tried to do the same, my vision swirled and I fell to the ground, whimpering.  Little tears dripped down my cheeks and I looked up at Staycee for help.  Why was this happening… who would allow this to happen to someone?!

The orderlies were by the scene in a heartbeat, but I was there first, kneeling next to Audrey and holding her in my arms as I looked up at them. "No! You leave her alone!" The trembling girl in my arms looked up at me in a daze and I ran my fingers through her hair, whispering, "Please, pretty girl. Drink now or they'll punish you, please...? I promise to take care of you..." The orderlies were frowning as I swatted them away.

I shook my head, curling up to Staycee's chest.  I wouldn't… why couldn't she understand?  I didn't want to be like her or like anyone here; I wanted to be me.  I just wanted to go home, to get out of this place.  I kept shaking as I made my way to my feet, giving the orderlies the kindest smile I could. "I'm fine… really… fine…" I wasn't sure how long standing would last though - we needed to get back to our room.

"Didn't you hear her? She's fine!" I pushed past the orderlies and bit my lip as I led - half carried - Audrey to our room and laid her down on the bed. There wasn't much time. I kissed her forehead and smiled as I looked into her eyes. "It’s easier to handle when you're asleep. Close your eyes. Please...?" I sealed the request with a kiss. Soft, pretty, girly kisses. I only had a few minutes; I had to put her to sleep before they got here.

I whimpered and writhed on the bed, trembling uncontrollably.  It couldn't get worse.  I felt like there was fire in my chest, and there were so many swirling shapes in front of my eyes.  I was hyperventilating, I knew.  But it would be worth it.  It would all go away soon, and I'd be free from it's curse, and I'd be able to work out a way to get out of here.  It would be worth it, Audrey… just hold on a little longer…

"Do you want to be with me, maybe spend some of it with me when we get out of here, someone who doesn't know what you've done, someone who won't ever judge you or leave you?" My words were hushed and quick as I spoke into her ear and kept as calm as I could. "If you want that, if even a small part of you wants that... then tell me you trust me."

Be with her, with Staycee?  I shook my head and whimpered quietly into the pillow.  It felt like my veins were coursing fire.  I screamed in mild agony before it settled enough for me to respond, but by that point Staycee was just a blur of shapes. "I… I do trust you, Staycee… I do, I just… can't… almost fixed… almost…" I wasn't sure any of what I said even made sense.

"It's a degenerative addiction. It gets worse. It doesn't break like a fever. It gets worse. It accelerates. But they won't let it ~ they'll let you suffer until the edge of sanity and then they'll force feed you milk anyway. You need to trust me to help you hold on to you. Even if its scary." There were footsteps outside, so close now. "Please?"

"Trust… you… please, though… no milk…" I could very barely comprehend anything Staycee was telling me.  Something about them giving me the milk.  But I didn't want it.  It was a battle I had to win, I had to.  It was the only thing I could hold onto right now… the only thing I had.  But I trusted her.  She'd fix it.  Find a way…

"One sip, it's all I'll let you have. A short baby haze, the pain eased. One sip and I promise, I promise, I promise I'll take the bottle off you." The desperation in my voice resonated with my pounding heart and the marching foot steps outside. We were running out of time...

"...kay…" I shouldn't have agreed, I should have fought.  The other me would have - the me I came in as.  No middle ground; I would have fixed it.  I would have made it all better on my own.  And now, with Staycee… I was relying on her, trusting her… but what choice did I have?  The pain was so bad, now… so very bad… I was hoping it would just kill me.  Let me die…

A few things happened in a short amount of time; I took the spare bottle from our mini fridge and slipped it between the girls lips, letting the milk squirt over her tongue ~ before pulling it out and tossing it over on the floor across the room. Next to where the bottle landed, the door opened and two orderlies appeared. "Stop! She had milk. Look?" I motioned to the bed and the now no longer quivering Audrey. "Come with us, Staycee." I nodded with a sigh and looked at Audrey. She'd be okay now. For a time. Though it would be six hours before I was returned to the room, tossed half naked and shaking on the floor.

"Wh…where have you been?!" I didn't know the time since I'd come out of my haze.  The bottle was still on the floor and my mouth was still so very dry.  Still, I wasn't trembling anymore.  I wasn't sick.  I felt terrible, that much was true, but I would be okay.  What bothered me was that Staycee wasn't around and the door wouldn't open.  I couldn't have been out of it for very long, could I?  

I couldn't get to my feet; it was only a crawl I could manage, but it was enough to get to the edge of the bed and look up with a weak little smile. "You're okay?" My body was quivering and my bare legs - only the diaper covering my modesty - was covered angry red and purple welts both front and back. "I missed you..."

"What… what happened…" I looked down at her legs in complete shock, running my hands over the bruises.  They were bright purple, but they'd fade soon.  It would hurt a few days, though… "Did they do it to you because of me?  Because I… I was stubborn?" I felt so nauseas.  I'd done this to her… "I'm so sorry, Staycee… I really am…"

"It's because I got between you and them." I smiled weakly, trying to make it my own fault so she wouldn't feel bad. "I'm okay... really." Translation: I think I'm going to throw up. "How are you feeling? Your fever faded, right? I hope the haze wasn't too unpleasant..." Six hours of alternating spanking across my lower extremities and hypnotic conditioning left me feeling sick and exhausted, but I just wanted to make sure she was okay.

"Um… yeah, you've been gone a long time… don't really know what time… um… I'm sorry…" I felt so bad.  So much worse than when they were going to steal her memories.  Was that something they did?  But I didn't mind it - she deserved some compassion.  And I wasn't that heartless. "I… uh… still shaky.  See?" I held out my hands to show the fingertips trembling. "And I feel terrible.  But no fever…" That's what that feeling was?  A fever?

"You see... you can trust me? I said one sip and I kept my promise." I winced as I tried to get up onto the bed and slipped back onto the floor with a squeal. So much pain, oh my God. "You get cured of the addiction at phase change. But you won't last that long cold turkey. Which is why you need to trust me when I say drink your milk and I won't let you lose yourself." I managed a weak smile and pondered trying to get into the bed again.

I looked at the girl on the ground and sighed, lifting her up and onto the bed.  It wasn't easy, and she did a lot of the work herself, but I was happy to help.  I wished we had a bathroom or something in the room - then I could get a cold cloth on her legs - but I guess it was the point that we didn't that that privilege. "When do the strikes reset?  Do you know?"

I adjusted myself on the bed to take pressure off my legs and smiled contently. "You have a running score. You get strikes that take away points, and you get commendations which add points. I earned eighty points in the time between when I first saw you and when we got to choose. I really wanted to be the one who got you..." My cheeks were rosy at the admission, and I looked away coyly.

"Oh… so, is there any way I can know how many I have?" I sat down on the edge of the bed and played with the blankets a little.  I wouldn't tell Staycee why I was so curious, but I'd added at least five points to my score since she left - I'd changed myself, which Firsts couldn't do.  But I wasn't going to wait for her to come back, and I was wet.  Just another reason to hate the babyhaze.

"Your points - and mine - got reset to zero after the memory room. But we're bonded and you've lost three points since then. So you're on negative three." I didn't know what they'd put into me, what my new alteration was; I'd know in time, I s'pose. The pain in my body was my more immediate concern anyway.

I crawled into bed next to Staycee and very quickly pushed my lips to hers, my fingers tied in her hair.  She really was so girly.  Why did I never see that before?  I kissed her again and again and bit her neck. What were we talking about a second ago…?

~~~CUT~~~

I couldn't control my blushing.  I had no idea why… and she'd just… and that was my first… I couldn't believe this.  Why had I… they had to have done… no, but… why would they?  None of this made any sense… did I really want that?  I mean, Staycee was a boy.  But she was attractive.  But having my first like that… I always thought it would be more… magical.  I rolled over, the puddle on my dress following me, and sat up with quivering fingertips. "I… don't know what happened…"

"Did you like it...?" The wetness on the front of her dress was plenty of answer, but I wanted to hear her say it. "I did... it was my first time I can remember. And I figure if it’s something we enjoy... there can't be anything bad about it." It was so exceptionally difficult to form sentences and words, but at the same time I felt so light, so blissful and at peace.

"I… um…" I climbed up off the bed.  Walking felt very strange, like a part of me was missing.  Maybe that was my virginity… "I should change my clothes…" I went over to the closet and pulled out another dress, though this one was even more feminine than the one I was wearing, in a light pink with ribbons.  Did I choose it intentionally?  Forget it, Audrey - you have more important things to think about!

"That's my favorite dress." I bit my lip and smiled with red cheeks. "I'd love to see you in it." We both would have to be diapered again soon - anxiety without a diaper was part of who we were now - but all I could think about was that we'd just had sex.

"Uh huh… okay…" I slid out of the wet dress, my body facing away from Staycee, and put the pink one on.  I really did like it.  Looking in the mirror, even with my short hair, I looked feminine.  I smiled a bit to myself and very quickly shook my head.  That wasn't right - so much of this felt wrong, and I couldn't hide the expression on my face.

"Turn around. I wanna see you properly." I stood up and wandered over to Audrey, turning her around on my own and fussing with her hair and a few lengths of ribbons. "You look beautiful in pink - so beautiful." I kissed her lips softly and then pulled away with blushing cheeks. "We should sleep soon - it's late. Want me to do your diaper like a good girl?"

Like a good girl?  I nodded softly and blushed a bit, hurrying over to the bed and lying down on the bed.  What was I doing?  Why did I want the pink dress?  Why was I so willing to wear a diaper?  But I felt so incomplete… and what we'd done… "Staycee, I'm worried… I'm very worried I'm not me, and… and I wanna talk about it." It wasn't like me, but I trusted her.  She took all those hits on her legs just so I wouldn't go into a long babyhaze - I had to trust her.

"Think of yourself like a picture. They can color you in but they can't change the picture - not until Phase Two anyway." I talked softly as I got the diaper ready and sprinkled intoxicating smelling baby powder. "Does that make any sense?" I loved that she was trusting me, that she came to me for help.

I melted into the mattress at the smell of the baby powder and a small smile crept onto my face.  Did I like that smell so much before…?  I bit my lip and sat quietly until Staycee finished taping the diaper on me, then sat up in a small haze.  I felt much more complete, now… but why?  Because of the diaper? "No, Staycee, I'm… something can't be right, I know it.  I’m just having trouble... you’ve gotta help."

Her anxiety was rising beneath the calm waters, brought about by her diaper, and I didn't know what to say. So I kissed her; I properly kissed her, and I ran my fingers through her hair as I looked into her eyes. "I'll never let anything bad happen to you. I'll take a bullet for you before I let you get hurt. You trust me don't you? What just happened - the sex - that was you. They don't make you want sex until you're a Fourth."

"But they can make you want it… maybe they did it early?  They can do that, right…?" It felt so natural, then.  It felt like I really wanted her.  And if that wasn't me - if that was something they did - then they did a great job, and telling the difference wouldn't be possible.  That thought made me feel worse, though, and I felt sick to my stomach…

"Be logical. They want you to be a baby; reduce is the first step. Making you want sex would be counter-productive." I laid on my back and pulled Audrey to lay her head on my chest, my fingers toying with her hair. "They'll make you want little things, like loving the smell of baby powder or wanting a pacifier, but they won't make you want sex as a First. I've read the charter guide."

"So the baby powder thing, though: that's them." It was hard to keep track.  It all felt the same to me… but it wasn't.  Some of it was me, and some was them. "I need a way to keep this organized.  If I lose myself here, Staycee…" I curled up to her lap, my eyes drifting closed.  I wasn't sleepy, but after everything that had happened the exhaustion was so overwhelming. "I promised.  Please don't let me go away…"

My hand rested on hers as it traced the bruises on my thigh. "Trust me - I promise I won't let bad come to you." For someone who'd been so very eager to have her memories erased of the last few years, she still held so strongly onto who she was. "What was it, Audrey; why are you here? What was so dreadful...?"

"It's bedtime, Staycee…" My tone didn't conceal my exhaustion, and I found little flashes of memories behind my closed eyes.  Of the days before this place, of Colin, of my friends, my family, parents… and how wonderful things were.  But those images faded, and then they were gone.  And I was asleep.