Going To A Therapist?

[boogles1]

I have been considering going to a therapist regarding my emotions towards AB'ism. On one level it seems like I drawn towards become more of an AB but on another level I want to forget the whole thing and cannot believe I would ever consider it. Embarrassed, unsure, relationship concerns with my wife - I have them all. Has anyone else consulted a therapist and would not mind sharing the experience a bit, also how do you find a therapist that is at least familiar with AB's?

[Dangitbawb]

Yes, Boogles, I have been to a therapist, and belive me, it's a waste of time. Very few of them are barely aware of this lifestyle, and those that are are not really trained to deal with it. You can look it up in any "mental health" book, and there may be an acknowledgement, but no real direction as to how it should be dealt with. The only thing a therapist will do is try to make you feel comfortable with who you are, and accept that you will continue to have these desires. That was a lot of money wasted to hear that. If your significant other is not into this, nothing will make them accept it.

[PowderWhite]

If your involvement with diapers is causing you problems with your wife, then i would endorse some form of relationship counseling. You may not get her into them, but that's not the point. The point would be to resolve the issue causing strife between you two.

[RMS401]

I completely agree with Powder that you're unlikely to get much direct diaper-related benefit from seeing a therapist. The best possible outcome (and therefore the best goal) would be to reach some level of understanding and compromise. Your wife will will never be "into" diapers or your AB side, just as you will never be free of them. These are not things we can choose, and I can't imagine your finding a therapist interested in convincing your wife that this most unusual of fetishes is something she should embrace.

I too have seen a therapist (psychologist, actually) and found it to be a worthless experience. This is where I'm coming from.

About two years ago now, my wife got to a point where images of me in a diaper (even though she'd never seen me in one) were unshakable, deeply affecting not only our sex life, but also our personal life. We seemed to be drifting apart, which was unacceptable to me, so I did the only drastic thing I knew to do: made an appointment to see a therapist through a program at work.

Well, although he claimed to be "uniquely qualified" to handle this, he had never heard of a diaper fetish, but must have done some reading on it because he spent virtually all of the time we had (three sessions) telling me about why I have this unusual quirk. I use it for stress relief, apparently. It's a coping mechanism. No questions were asked, no attempts to clarify the issues with my wife, nothing. Just him blathering on about things that were either irrelevant or I already knew. Thanks, doc.

I did bring my wife to the second session, and it was then that we decided that I would quit diapers. The problem was that that didn't address the stress issue. How would I handle relieve stress without diapers? Shortly before formally quitting--and after offering to sell my cloth diaper and plastic pants collection here--my wife said she'd give things a year to see if she could manage to live with the idea that her hubby liked to wear diapers.

Well, that was awhile ago, and things are where they were. She still wants nothing to do with my diapers. and I don't talk about it. I have recently ordered some new supplies from xpmedical.com and pray that I'm the one to get the package from the porch before she does. If she gets there first, she won't open it this time of year, but she'll ask about it, and I'll lie, as is our implicit agreement.

Things between us are okay, but this is a topic that will never be discussed with ease, and my time with the therapist was less than helpful in resolving this.

-RMS

[Necros]

I went to a psychologist also, and let me tell you this: Its a total waste of time PERIOD. I even knew more then the shrink herself! It was ridiculous, and at the end of the session she had the nerv to say "I hope this session was helpful for you." I hastily replied "Well, i hope it was for you. Now when am i getting my payment for teaching you all this?".

Anyways its your money but i say its not worth it at all.

My two cents

[Dill_Pickle]

I went to a psychologist also, and let me tell you this: Its a total waste of time PERIOD. I even knew more then the shrink herself! It was ridiculous, and at the end of the session she had the nerv to say "I hope this session was helpful for you." I hastily replied "Well, i hope it was for you. Now when am i getting my payment for teaching you all this?".

Anyways its your money but i say its not worth it at all.

My two cents

I've been to several therapists. They have been very helpful with other issues (depression, panics, that kind of thing) but they have largely ignored my diapering. A good therapist isn't going to "help" you with it per se, because, just as with liking the color green, wanting to be diapered or a baby isn't a problem per se. Now, if this peculiarity is interfering with your functioning, for example if you are freaked out about it, or you are totally obsessed, then it is a problem a therapist can address. And if you and your partner cannot communicate about it, then a good therapist should be able to help with that part, as well as helping your partner not be quite so freaked out about padded rumps and playing at baby.

Now, my "Dear Abby" says that you can expect to pay a price for this understanding -- namely, your partner is going to need you to be a "normal" adult most of the time -- the one he or she originally thought he or she was getting together with. This "normalcy" includes intimate moments in the bedroom. Cultivate that, and it will grease the skids for you.

A good negotiation starts with both partners taking responsibility for and controlling their automatic reactions so that two clear heads feel listened to and can prevail on the problem of how to get both partner's needs reasonably well met. If you love your partner, that is the least you can do.

DP.

[superdiaperbaby]

I've been to 3 therapists, all with different results. The first one I actually went to for 5 months. At that point in my life I just wanted to quit diapers and she helped me find out why I was craving them so much, from being emotionally stunted from a trauma that happened in my childhood. She helped me at least grasp the psychology behind wearing. Even though at the end all of those realizations I came to the conclusion that I should wear diapers because they were comfortable. So I left. The second therapist helped with depression about life and I really felt like I was playing with him, like he wasn't making any suggestions and would let me tell him anything. The last psych was a pop-one who was on a popular radio show here in Dallas. She was incredibly hot and if it wasn't for her charging an arm and a leg I might've stayed. However I really questioned her morality as she was basically telling me to lie to people, even to girlfriends, even after I had sex with them. So as far as shrinks go, they are only good for actual clinical psychological disorders, and the reality is that psychiatrists who prescribe drugs would probably be better for that. I'd stay away. If you are having problems dealing with diapers post them to the boards. We can help.

Super Diaper Baby

[PowderWhite]

I qould hesitate to completely discount the value of professionals with regard to diaper issues. Without a doubt, there are some, maybe even a lot who will have no frame of reference or understanding. However, that just means you have to look. Don;t be afraid to shop around.

You *should* go to a therapist and seek some assistance if diapers are causing you problems. By problems I mean: relationship problems, stress, a bing / purge cycle, etc. They can't make your SO like diapers. They can't make your urges dissapear. But they *are* very good at eliciting communication, answers that you didn;t know you had, and information that you didn't know you had. Therapy isn't about the therapist giving you answers, it is about the therapist helping you frame issues differently and coming to conclusions that you could not have arrived at un-aided.

Don't hold it against the entire psychological profession that the details of our obscure fetish are not common knowledge. There are a lot of really good professionals out there who can and will work with you. Also keep i mind that it takes time to establish a therapy relationship. It takes time to build trust, and in the case of this issue, it probably takes some time for the therapist to do some research into your fetish.

While the boards here can help, we are nto professionals=) (And if someone reading this *happens* to be a psych professional, the you are well aware that this setting falls far short of an actual theraputic setting, so it still dosn't count.)

[Eddie]

I have been considering going to a therapist regarding my emotions towards AB'ism.

nothing will be resolved

...except helping somebody pay their bills

[wsdler]

nothing will be resolved

...except helping somebody pay their bills

How do you know that? Everyone's situation is unique. Of course the desires won't go away but maybe the therapist could help them to feel comfortable with it. When I first started wearing diapers I did the binge and purge thing that many here have done. It took me a LONG time to accept that wearing diapers is absolutely harmless so long as it doesn't interfere with my personal and professional life. This "fetish" (if it can really be classified as a fetish... it's not a sexual thing for me, it's a stress reliever) started for me when I was 5 and I only became comfortable with the fact that I'll be wearing diapers for the rest of my life about 2 years ago just before my 31st birthday. So... you can take 16 years to accept it or go to a therapist and maybe get a grip on it in a few months? I wish I knew that it was okay as I could have done without the feelings of guilt and shame.

In addition the therapist is more likely to be an advocate with regards to issues specific to wearing diapers and the wife. It's unclear if the relationship issues are because of the diapers or something else, my guess would be something else that probably needs some work.

[BBoy]

To all those who claim it is a waste of time, I question what you expected to get out of it. Most psychologist will not claim to cure you of anything, they are not medical physicians. Most will help you come to terms with your issue but to actually solve or remove an issue would be ridiculous.

When I went to a therapist I discussed my desire to wear. We talked about it for probably five or six sessions where at the end he helped discover a possible root cause for my desire and how I should come to terms with my want to wear diapers.

It was highly constructive and helped me come to terms with who I am and how I should approach wearing diapers in the future.

It was highly effective, I now understand a lot more about myself and worth every cent I paid.

[dlfnord]

I'm going to break with the pack here and endorse the idea of going to a therapist...if it's the RIGHT therapist. And what constitutes the right therapist is different for everyone.

I saw a psychiatrist for some other issues about a year ago, and we did touch on diapers. After a few initial questions, we hit the wider issues of my sex life - and had a Good Will Hunting style laugh when discussing how I lost my virginity. Anyways.

A good therapist will address it within the context of your life and other issues. Diapers should not supplant your sex life - that's not healthy. And certainly the emotional elements need to be worked through. But don't be afraid of seeing a Professional just because some people have had bad experiences - there are good ones and bad ones. And remember - you can always switch shrinks.

-Fnord

[Eddie]

How do you know that? Everyone's situation is unique. Of course the desires won't go away but maybe the therapist could help them to feel comfortable with it.

of course everyone's situation is unique.

you ask how i know... as if i'm doing someone an injustice and then you proceed to say they "may help".

so... how do you know they "may help" because they helped you?

they didn't do a thing for me

dont take this as an attack. you questioned my post for a particular stance as if i was unreasonable.

its exactly the fact that pschology isn't an exact science... in fact it not any kind of science. many cases show that they can do more harm than good.

if you want to accept yourself, just go ahead and do it... don't pay someone to do it for you

they pumped me up on a bunch of strong drugs for many years before they finally admitted that they aren't an "exact science".

i have NO regard for the field of psychology

now tell me i'm wrong for feeling the way i do

[wsdler]

dont take this as an attack. you questioned my post for a particular stance as if i was unreasonable.

Hi Eddie,

I don't take your response as an attack but I do believe that your stance in your first post was unreasonable. Why? Because you presentation was framed as fact and not opinion. You said "nothing will be resolved". When you frame it in the context of your own experience it's a different story but when you make a such a definitive statement like that people are going to call you on it. My point is that you don't know that nothing will be resolved for the original poster. Therapy may very well be of great benefit to them. If therapists weren't helping people then the profession as whole simply wouldn't exist (I'm not saying that they can help everyone, I'm saying that for many people they do provide help, insight, and understanding to one's situation).

I think you could have probably better presented your thoughts by saying "unfortunately for me nothing was resolved and I didn't find therapy to be helpful". I don't think anyone would question you on that but "Nothing will be resolved"... that's a completely different statement.

[D_Rainger]

Let's get back to the original issue: Worry about AB/DL lifestyle and approach / avoidance conflitcts. Will a therapist or therapy really help? My only experience with a therapist happened when I was a teen, and basically got no help at all. When someone should have reached out and given me a hand, the therapist did nothing. Because of this experience and because of my own desire to find out about myself, I studied Psychology and Sociology in College. Psychology is not an exact science, as we all know. Many things have been learned about human behavior, but there is no single explaination or even multiple theory to explain it all, there are only "schools of thought." Can you recieve help from a Psychologist/Psychiatrist/Counselor? Yes. Much of it depends on your own attitude. You need to think about what you want to change, if anything, and what you want to work on. The councelor may help you to identify areas. Going to some kind of therapy or counceling is much like getting your car fixed. Sometimes the mechanic is good and finds the problem, other times you get someone who does a bunch of unnecessary things and charges you an arm and a leg. Do some research into who you are going to see. Has a friend or family memeber been to them?Councelling is expensive. I had thought about it for myself dealing with another issue, and quite frankly, I couldn't afford it and went untreated.

My diaper fetish is very deeply rooted in my childhood and has an addictive quality to it. It is tied up with my sexuality, and I doubt if all the therapy in the world can change me. I leave it for a while and that is fine. I harbour guilt for who I am, but most of the time it doesn't bother me. I have learned to live with my diaper lifestyle and it doesn't interfere with my functioning as a father, husband, worker, etc.

The point is: If you are functioning reasonably well in society, therapy is probably unnecessary. If you are having major issues and your life is in danger of coming apart at the seams, by all means seek out some help. For AB/DL issues I think it would be very difficult to find anything of practical value other than your own common sense and maybe the experience of some of the folks here.

Thanks for listening,

-D_Rainger

[tndyperboy]

It looks like someone should raise their hand and say that yes therapy helped. I should clarify that I didn't do it because of my diaper fetish, I had worked that out a long time ago. It was for other reasons; depression, maybe mid-life crisis (more like reflection), and an overwhelming urge to chuck it all and run away. Medication helps but it isn't the total answer, for me anti-depressants just get you to a point where you can function in a reasonable manner. Anyway, I went twice a month for 3 years. It was a bit expensive but it was better than being miserable. My b/f was very supportive and we worked out the budget issues. I did research with friends and my doctor to find someone that I was comfortable talking to, etc. Eventually I worked it all out and with the therapists complete agreement stopped going. But, to stay on topic, the diaper stuff never came up (and yes I was diapered during every session).

It is interesting to read all the responses and the overwhelming reluctance to consider seeking some sort of counseling even if the problem is negatively effecting ones life. I have a very good friend whose 21 year old stepson has "issues" and we've been trying for months to get him to agree to therapy. So far we have him on anti-depressants and that has helped a great deal. But his childhood wasn't good (long story) and he has yet to come to terms with it. The reason we want him to go, and we are willing to pay for what his insurance won't, is that his past is crippling him. If your issues and problems continually prevent you from moving forward; working on your goals, passions, relationships, etc. then it is incumbent on you to explore ways to resolve them. Anyway, I ramble a bit; but the point is don't reject out of hand an option until you've done some research. Sometimes you have to try several different avenues before you find that one that works. For many medication takes care of it, for others we need someone to help us identify the problems and work out a way to resolve them.

[bobbyc]

I think that often times knowing the 'why' can solve a lot of problems. I think a psychologist can do this. I also believe that just like finding a dentist or doctor or barber, you should do plenty of research and ask for recommendations.

I found this woman's website while searching 'fetish'; http://vekquin.com/

While I haven't gone to see her, I did fill out her in-depth questionnaire and she wrote me back saying that yes, she could help me. Perhaps someone like this might be helpful?

Has anyone here had any experiences with this woman?

[Eddie]

I think you could have probably better presented your thoughts by saying "unfortunately for me nothing was resolved and I didn't find therapy to be helpful". I don't think anyone would question you on that but "Nothing will be resolved"... that's a completely different statement.

yes.

the points you are making are correct...

but this being the internet... and we are all familiar with how it works, i'm gonna have to point out (in a non judgmental way that you are being just a bit nit-picky with me. the topic is obviously soliciting OPINIONS and i gave mine. my apologies for not inserting the obligatory "imo". it wasnt necessary.

if i tell you that mcdonalds is terrible is that an objective, or subjective statement?

but anyhoo, i'm being silly by merely dwelling on this

my apologies, friend

[wsdler]

if i tell you that mcdonalds is terrible is that an objective, or subjective statement?

That would be a TRUE statement.

[boogles1]

Hello all,

Well people sure have had both positive and negative experiences talking with a therapist so I thought I would relay what happened with me. First I want to thank everyone for sharing their experiences. I did decide to visit a therapist and have had five sessions so far. I choose a woman for maternal reasons, I would not want to discuss these things with a man, too weird. I choose someone with a MA in consoling and did hypnosis rather then an MD Psychiatrist, again I felt more comfortable knowing I would not get any drugs nor would my problems be seen as a "sick brain" but rather a personality quirk.

My problems started when incontinence pushed me into 7/24 diaper wearing rather then just at night. I began having vivid dreams of being an infant in all sorts of situations, in a crib sleeping at night, out shopping, playing with blocks and trains in nothing but a diaper. I dream of being diapered, drinking from at bottle or sucking my thumb and in some cases I would wake up with my thumb in my mouth.

Here is what we decided is probably going on. Under hypnosis I revealed a forced diapering experience when I was a child that I had lost conscience memory of and of several molestation incidents I had with a "family friend" which I do remember just don't like to talk about too much. I am probably not a true Adult Baby but rather I am afraid of becoming like an infant due to my physical illness, will I become a helpless baby because of MS? When she suggested this is what might be going on a light came on in my head and things started to make sense, I do not feel comfortable being an AB really but why am I dreaming of becoming one, my fears were eased right there on the spot.

On the flip side I probably have some AB tendencies, when I am sick with a MS flair up we decided being treated a bit like a baby might no be a bad thing and may relieve some of the anxiety of being taken care of.

So my visiting a therapist was a positive experience but judging from the other posts it is certainly not for everyone.

[Baby D]

I am currently seeing a therapist. I started going because my dad and his wife were bugging me about going so I gave in and started going. They're even paying for it. I'm going because of depression, but I know for a fact that my diapers are going to come up. I've only had one visit so far and several close calls. I wound up having to tell her that I 'didn't want her to know' when my answer would have been something about infantilism. Like I said, I KNOW it will come up and I will have to address it with her at some point. Can any of you tell me how you approached your therapist about being a DL or AB? How do you tell someone like that about your diapers. I want to be comfortable (even if only a little) when it does come up. Thanx.

[Dill_Pickle]

I am currently seeing a therapist. I started going because my dad and his wife were bugging me about going so I gave in and started going. They're even paying for it. I'm going because of depression, but I know for a fact that my diapers are going to come up. I've only had one visit so far and several close calls. I wound up having to tell her that I 'didn't want her to know' when my answer would have been something about infantilism. Like I said, I KNOW it will come up and I will have to address it with her at some point. Can any of you tell me how you approached your therapist about being a DL or AB? How do you tell someone like that about your diapers. I want to be comfortable (even if only a little) when it does come up. Thanx.

OK, it's time for you to take responsibility for what is happening. First, ask your therapist about the bounds of confidentiality. What can she say to your parents? What is a "mandatory reporter" (she almost certainly is one) and what events fall under that? Did she ask for permission and get it signed before communicating with your family doctor? (if depression is the issue, a physical checkout, including thyroid function, is in order.) And ask her who can see her notes -- there's a significant, perfectly legal erosion of privacy involved if your sessions are being paid for by insurance, and you want to understand how that works. If you are not satisfied with the answers you get, (and even if you are), remember you are under NO obligation to discuss things you don't want discussed, and you are under no obligation to tell your therapist why, either.

If you feel at all like you are getting out of control (and especially if you are thinking about hurting yourself), you also want to ask what to do in an emergency.

As I have said before, I simply screwed up my courage and told my therapists, who proceeded to ignore me on the issue of diapering. If you are in reasonable control of your diapering and babying (keeping it out of parents sight, especially out of public sight (e.g. under dry clothes or in private), and paying for it with your own $$) then it really isn't a problem. Depression, on the other hand, will shorten your life and can kill you, as can the physical conditions that cause it or that you might catch or cause because of it. Depression is therefore *much* more important -- a matter of life and death. Indulging AB/DL feelings, if they make you feel better, are a tool you can use to help it. However, you don't want to use it to the exclusion of other, often more effective tools: physical exercise and social connectedness.

Be aware that, as you graduate from high school, your social environment is going to change dramatically. (Apologies if you have already done that). People at college, and at college clubs, are there because they WANT to be there, and that tends to leave them a lot less time to DISLIKE other people or to build cliques that do that. There will be less time again when you graduate from college. Public clubs, there is *very* little time to dislike people, as they are focused on whatever they are trying to enjoy doing.

Something else you might want to look into is a book called "Full Catastrophe Living", by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Skip the 40 pages of boring introduction. Look up "mindfullness-based stress reduction" in your area. The meditation can also help you with depression issues. Look at it as another tool to help you live better.

Dill Pickle