Girlfriend Worried About Becoming Incontinent

[LilX]

I had a question for all who are incontinent people and how you deal with the feelings involved with being incontinent.

My girlfriend is NOT incontinent, however she is paranoid about wetting her pants in front of her peers. In the past she has had some problems, and she occasionally wets the bed at night (probably about once a month).

Currently she wears Poise Pads to school and work, but she has been under extra stress lately and says she would rather wear a diaper, in case she has an accident.

She has only had one daytime accident ever and of course many close calls, but I'm trying to understand why she wants to wear diapers for a problem I hope she doesn't develop and I really want to try to help her overcome the fear of wetting.

So I'm here asking for some advice and how to deal with the feelings involved with the matter.

Thanks in advance,

Lil X

[Guest diamondback688]

she could try wearing a Depends Pull-up, they are pretty cheap and they arent very bulky, from what i heard...

[nappyloon]

Hi Lilx

You say you cannot understand why your gf would want to wear a Nappy, think for a minute about the stress she must be under knowing that at any moment she might "let go" in perhaps the most innapropriate place with embarrasing results to say the least, a Nappy will give her security and remove that worry she feels about going out.

When I first had my "problems" they were usually easily dealt with as I have the bladder capacity of a gnat ! and didn't really cause too much angst, however in later years I wet a lot more and definately require "Padding up" as this gives me the confidence to face the world, without Nappies I would not venture out of the house-what kind of life would that be

So with my Nappy on I can maintain a "normal" lifestyle as much as anyone else is concerned.

I hope this goes some small way to explaining your gf's dilemma.

"BE HAPPY IN YOUR NAPPY"

[LilX]

Thanks for the insight Nappy, I guess I did not think of it that way.

I have never had any problems myself and so I guess for me it is hard to understand her change. I told her I was okay with her wanting to wear a diaper or a pull-up, but I told I wanted to understand her feelings more.

She also has some other problems, with family and friends and such, and I guess I was trying to make sure that everything was okay with those things too.

I love my girlfriend very much, and I am just trying to be a better boyfriend and support her at a difficult point in her life.

Any other comments and insights are welcome still...

[Juliabam]

Thanks for the insight Nappy, I guess I did not think of it that way.

I have never had any problems myself and so I guess for me it is hard to understand her change. I told her I was okay with her wanting to wear a diaper or a pull-up, but I told I wanted to understand her feelings more.

She also has some other problems, with family and friends and such, and I guess I was trying to make sure that everything was okay with those things too.

I love my girlfriend very much, and I am just trying to be a better boyfriend and support her at a difficult point in her life.

Any other comments and insights are welcome still...

You say your gf have only had one daytime accident ever. In that case I would say there is no problem. Closecalls are just what they are, close calls. Often some pee ple especially girls tend to hold it long if they are out for various reasons, like unsanitary toilets or just the fear of peeing in a public place, and in that case they will experience situations where they feel they have to pee rather now than later. Combined with the modern idea of drinking lots of water from small bottles they buy allmost anywhere, a frequent need to go to a toilet is only understandable.

Actually there have been written about the problem for especially schoolgirls, that show some sort of symptoms on incontinece more frequent than expected, but when researched into, the researchers found that the most common reason was actually the combination of much water and unsanitary toilets.

Actually I would say that your gf's use of pads are unnesecary, she wears them allthough she have no accidents, and fear they will not hold if she will have an accident. She could as well go without and have the same fear that her underwear will not hold. She should probably rather address the fear problem. Why does she fear something that usually doesn't happen, does she also wear a full raingear even on a sunny day, just in case it should happen to begin raining. Talk about the fear, and help her understand that there in reality is no reason to fear accidents since they usually don't happen, if all fails then maybe rather spend some money on proffessional help rather than spend them on materials that just keep her fears alive.

[Dill_Pickle]

My girlfriend is NOT incontinent, however she is paranoid about wetting her pants in front of her peers. In the past she has had some problems, and she occasionally wets the bed at night (probably about once a month).

Currently she wears Poise Pads to school and work, but she has been under extra stress lately and says she would rather wear a diaper, in case she has an accident.

Lil X

Umm...poise is the cheap, cruddy brand....doesn't hold much, not well....The Tena/Serenity is significantly superior. Want complete protection for a whole pee? I use a tena ultimate pad and a Depends protective underwear, maximum absorbency.... others may tell you it's not the greatest, but it can't be beat for availability and should be sufficient for her purposes.

If she's willing, have her test her protection at home, where it's safe to have leakage problems, and find out you don't have one.

As for the increased stress, well, I'd argue that wearing a diaper and so not being quite as wound up is worth wearing a diaper if she wants to. But I'd also argue that if this much stress continues indefinitely, it will probably hurt her sooner or later, so that part needs to be dealt with...hopefully by graduating, but possibly also in little ways like the occasional weekend vacation with lots of attention for her...maybe a "day spa" experience....if you are in my neck of the woods, go to "Warm Springs VA" and give her a soak in the "Jefferson pools" for an hour....it's on "The Homestead" website, as they run it now. Some nice Bed & Breakfast type material almost across the street, too...

My Dr sent me off to a "mindfulness-based stress reduction" course...itself fairly stressful, as it requires a 3 hour class weekly for 8 weeks, a one-day retreat, and 45 minutes of daily homework practicing meditation.

Good luck, sounds like you are trying to take good care of her.

Dill Pickle

[bobbyc]

Hi LiLx,

I can relate to your girlfriend's issues. Although I have never had an accident I have experienced a great deal of anxiety trying to find a bathroom when I'm out and about. I must have some sort of over-active bladder problem as none of my friends goes through what I go through on a daily basis- the urgent need to pee throughout the day. As I don't have any hang-ups about wearing diapers (I'm on this site, aren't I?) I can feel much more relaxed when I'm wearing knowing I won't have to deal with running around looking for a public restroom every half-hour or so. For me, clenching my bladder is sometimes at least a little painful which is often enough to put me in a bad mood (like a headache). Perhaps your girlfriend just doesn't want all that extra stress of holding it, etc. Maybe she just wants an excuse to wear diapers?

[littleJaina]

I don't know if it's an excuse to wear diapers, but just because she hasn't had MANY accidents doesn't mean that she is any less afraid of them. According to him, she has had one, and that's enough. I wet the bed once when I was 11, because I didn't want to wait for my brother to get out of the bathroom before going to bed, and for some reason I couldn't wake up in time that night. That was 14 years ago, and still I can't got to sleep unless I've gone to the bathroom IMMEDIATELY before hand. I've never wet the bed since, never even "come close", but I still cannot relax and sleep unless I do.

More recently, I had some very mild stress incontinence issues after my son was born. Apparently nine and a half pound vaginal deliveries are not good for not stretching muscles. (Espescially kids with a big head, my son is two now and wears adult sized caps). Whenever I'd sneeze, I'd leak a little bit unless I was being very careful to "clench down". I've learned mostly to be careful, and even when I do slip up, it's not more than a couple of drops. However, I find that I'm much more relaxed when I'm wearing pads. There's no real reason for it, and I don't always wear them, but I just am.... It's not crazy, it's just a security issue. Toileting is a majore "pride" thing in our society, and no one wants to be embarassed.

[Frink]

strangely enough, I have the same thing with regards to sleeping, although I haven't had a night time accident like... ever. I just cannot sleep unless my bladder's completely empty.

[Guest]

I had a question for all who are incontinent people and how you deal with the feelings involved with being incontinent.

My girlfriend is NOT incontinent, however she is paranoid about wetting her pants in front of her peers. In the past she has had some problems, and she occasionally wets the bed at night (probably about once a month).

Currently she wears Poise Pads to school and work, but she has been under extra stress lately and says she would rather wear a diaper, in case she has an accident.

She has only had one daytime accident ever and of course many close calls, but I'm trying to understand why she wants to wear diapers for a problem I hope she doesn't develop and I really want to try to help her overcome the fear of wetting.

So I'm here asking for some advice and how to deal with the feelings involved with the matter.

Thanks in advance,

Lil X

If it was my girlfriend, I'd tell her she can wear diapers if she'd like.

Be supportive. I don't know what your stance is on the topic, if you're in to it or just here only for advice on this... but if your not in to it, it's just a diaper, let her have it. It's plastic white underwear. If it's a turn off, just toss it on the floor with the other clothes when need be.

Seriously though, be supportive, and treat it as just any other normal part of life. It might not be something she can "get over".

[LilX]

Thanks for all the support and understand. I have told my girlfriend to go ahead and to do whatever makes her feel comfortable, whether it means wearing a pad, diaper, panties... etc. I am very understanding of her problem and try and make her comfortable with the whole situation.

[dldad]

I think you have helped her by being understanding and trying to find, from others, what might be help her situation. We live in a ever increasingly stress filled lives. I think that more than the stress factor for your gf might be that she wants to wear, or, try wearing diapers to possible find security of mind from some stress. But be supportive. That will help immensely. I think that by using diapers as a stress reliever can help with ones mental stability somewhat. It hasn't hurt mine. And my wife is very understanding. I don't wear or use them a lot anyway, but do find them to help relieve some stress.

[Topguy]

Lordy,have her go talk to a doctor about it.