Need advice: girlfriend with nighttime incontinence...

[Bettypooh]

First my apologies for my late entrance to this thread. Second, some HUGE virtual hugs for DL Enforcer and mate both; seeing the way you care about each other so honestly and so deeply is as heartwarming as it gets There's not much I can add as far as medical assistance or methods of protection. What I will speak of kind of related to my age- it can teach you many things you never really saw before- and of things like meditation and Tai Chi, and how they can help you through life.

[Kins_lover]

You mentioned her hormones, Many times manipulation of Hormones via Birth Control Pills(even if they are not needed for Sexual Activity they are frequently used for other things such as Incontinence. Has she seen an OB-GYN specialist (not a common PAP smear ,Mammogram , routine type

[DLenforcer]

I'm back! From outer space!

Actually it was more from a working hiatus. Things are finally slowing down enough for me to give this update however little it is.

For the last couple of months, my girlfriend and I have not done much in changing possible habbits and routines, but we did keep a wetting journal that had quite a few points about it. Without going into full on details about the spreadsheet, after a few weeks we/I did start seeing a trend:

[stevewet]

My advice. Wear a diaper, sleep on a pad, protect the matress. If you leak you throw it all in the bin, wash your rubber pants in the shower in the morning, hang em up to dry.

Most importantly.....get on with your life and be happy. If you protect the bed and your partner at night from pee, what's to be stressed or worried about.

That is exactly how I feel and just what my wife said to me when I started to wet the bed again.

[Meidekind]

Hi DLenforcer,

I think it's great you're helping your girlfriend like you do!

It seems everyone has already mentioned practically every option worth exploring. There's a few things that I thought of when reading through the topic.

First, I was wondering how heavy a wetter she is? I couldn't figure it out based on what's been written: you mention somewhere that she's got a 70% success rate with pull-ups.

That's not much better than nothing at all! The mattress is still going to be spoiled in no time. I think pull-ups leak even with light wetters. Especially in bed: you might have a bit more success during the day with those things when you're vertical

As others suggest as well: I'd try the medical options of course. I realised that don't want to go on chasing a possible cure until the cows come home: you could easy fill your entire life trying to fix it and, at the very end, look back on a life as full-time patient.

There are always options that you haven't tried, new treatments, new diagnostic methods etcetera. I think you should make a wise and informed choice what to pursue and what not to pursue. Realise also that being bladder inco isn't the end of the world. It's essentially not much more of a handicap than being nearsighted is.

Realise that a large part of the problem is the stigma that surrounds it. Try to grow a defence against that. I manage with a combination of good humour and refusing to feel any less in a diaper and plastic pants than the average Mrs. Dry-knickers. If exploring DL feelings helps in that way, go for it!

Try to do something positive with your builtup experience - like helping others with a similar issue.

I'm a primary enuretic with no control at all, at least when asleep. On too of that, my body doesn't go into nighttime standby pee production mode, so there's a constant dribble adding up to, well, a lot. The only thing is that there are hardly any sudden floods to deal with.

So I mostly need a lot of absorption capacity. Here's what worked for me by way of protection.

Disposables at night are always a bit tricky when you sleep on your sides. There's always the chance for leaking, so do use plastic pants with them. If they're plastic-backed, possible leaks won't be re-absorbed into the disposable. You can deal with that by using some additional absorbing something covering the disposable (underneath the plastic pant) - even a regular pair of knickers might work because leaks usually don't contain as much by far as the main amount you lose.

It's just to keep the spills under control so they won't eventually find a way out of your plastic pant and into your new $1200 mattress.

If she's not such a heavy wetter, she could try reusable / washable incontinence underwear like "underwunder". Some of it is pretty good I've heard, but not suited for heavy wetters.

Cloth diapers are the best though: because the liquid immediately disperses through the whole diaper you're much safer from leaks than with disposables. You won't need the backup trick with them.

The simplest is the best: diapers that you have to fold yourself and pin on are very easy to clean and cheap, too. The shaped and prefolded and whatnot need more work to properly clean, lest you get buildup of ammonia inside them. I've never had that with regular diapers.

My experience with those combined diapers, having waterproof layers on the outside is NOT good.

They are expensive, hard to clean and dry. And they leak because they're stiff and less flexible, creating folds when you turn over sleeping, opening up opportunities for eager pee droplets that are dying to visit the Legendary Mattress World outside the diaper.

Incidentally, cloth isn't that much more work compared to disposable once you get into the routine.

Just drop the whole thing, plastic pants and all, in the shower tub in the morning. While you shower, treading the diaper as in an old-fashioned grape press, the diapers will get an automatic first rinse.

Then optionally sprinkle a few drops of vinegar on them (to neutralise possible ammonia and throw them in the washing machine to spin dry while you have breakfast.

Usually, the diapers are then already 90% clean and don't smell at all. Keep them in a plastic bucket until it's laundry day (max 3 days or so).

You can also rinse out your plastic pants under the shower. I let them drip dry on the shower head. At night they're usually dry enough to put on again or I just move them to a drying rack.

And as suggested: protect your mattress. Use a pad and vinyl sheets (under the regular sheets).

Some minor tweaks: don't tuck anything under a plastic pant. Especially with cloth diapers. That will very effectively turn your pyjama shirt into a diaper extension

I don't want to wear anything over plastic pants, in bed or outside, unless discretion gives me no alternative. I've found to have many more leaks even wearing thin, loose-fitting pyjama pants over them. Or even long shirts. It's also more comfortable to not cover them up, leaving them more airy (if they're not too tight anyhow)

It's also essential to find a good plastic pant. Which is hard, or at least I find it hard. It's also a matter of personal preference I suppose. That's a long story for another post

Oh yes, re water intake:

If she watches her water intake for the day, she is less likely to have an accident at night.

Cutting back on liquids might help some people a little, but then you have to think about UTI and kidney problems from not drinking enough water.

I've always been warned by parents, friends and every doctor and nurse I met to NEVER even think of cutting back liquid intake.

While it might reduce the amount you lose, you'll pay it back in the urine being more concentrated, smelly and rough on your skin and diapers - and in case of leaks, everything else. And I'm not even mentioning the long term damage of kidneys, general health and increased risk for UTI's and other pleasantries.

In short: don't. Ever.

I always try to drink enough water. Even if I'm not thirsty at all, I'll fill it up to the recommended amount. For me it's even more important because my body produces more pee and dehydrates quicker than the average person.

That's why I hardly ever have any skin issues (diaper rash etc) despite being (very) wet every single night, and part of the days as well.

Better take a diaper one absorbency level up

Hey, something completely different: there was one thing that confused me a lot when reading the topic.

It's this: on one hand you tell about your girlfriend having this bedwetting problem and how you want to help her finding the best solution, to support her etcetera.

In that light I don't understand what you mean with statements like the ones below. I hope you don't mind me asking ... I don't mean to be judgemental, I merely want to make sense of it.

Besides, we have a D/s kind of relationship where I'm going to be making her wear diapers regardless of her wanting/needing to or not

(...)

If all else fails after valid attempts, then I am MOST CERTAINLY going to keep my baby girl in proper diapers! and she knows this!

(...)

She doesn't have an issue with the tape on style (though she doesn't really have a choice anyway since I'm in charge ).

(...(

we haven't tried weaning her off of the coffee, or even changing much of the diet. We have upgraded her diaper that she was using and for a tiny little while that did seem to help; at leas the amount if she did

(...)

It all sounds as if she has no influence on what happens; as if you decide everything. I mean, if you state "I'm going to keep her in proper diapers" - why research other options if you've already settled on that?

It's the contrast between "wanting to help her" at one hand, and "deciding FOR her" on the other hand that I don't get.

It makes me wonder what SHE wants?

And lastly:

and we were in the process of changing sheets when I noticed her kneeling on the ground. When I asked her if everything was alright (since this wasn't our first nighttime bedding change and her kneeling wasn't normal) she said she is just getting really tired of having to do this (...)

Why was she kneeling? Was she praying, or being desperate, or something like that?

Sorry of it's a silly question but I couldn't figure it out.

[babykeiff]

DLenforcer,

it has been a while since I checked in on this or any other page.

[stevewet]

My advice. Wear a diaper, sleep on a pad, protect the matress. If you leak you throw it all in the bin, wash your rubber pants in the shower in the morning, hang em up to dry.

Most importantly.....get on with your life and be happy. If you protect the bed and your partner at night from pee, what's to be stressed or worried about.

You must have been talking to my wife as that is just about what she said to me when I started bedwetting again.