Urinary Retention And Diapers

[lorenzoo]

Hello everybody.

This is my first post on DD, I've been a looong time reader of the boards and although I work around computers and servers all day I'm not one that often engages in forum discussions.

I'm sorry if I write just to ask an advice but I hope this community can help me: I'm also sorry if this is not the right section, I was undecided if this should be posted on the "Incontinent-desire" board, if some admin feels that way just go ahead and move my post.

I would like to first give you some background hoping I don't bore you too much.

I'm 26 and through my life I've never had a lot of bladder capacity but never had any serious incontinence problem: I was the "one" among friends that always had to go to the bathroom.. but nothing more. For as long as I can remember I've always loved to wear diapers with a 50/50 mix of convenience (when travelling, at the movies, ecc.) and pleasure, sometimes I was wearing for a real need and sometimes just for comfort.

In the last year things have changed and I've been experiencing some difficulty when starting to pee: I pee just a bit and almost always have to force it out, this has lead to an increase in urinary frequency and bathroom trips (even 20-30 in a day). I started using diapers more to overcame this problem but of course I was worried of a possible health problem.

I went to two different doctors and they both (after quite a lot of exams) said that I may have a problem with my bladder neck which is too tight or not "elastic" enough, the possible solutions are:

• flomax (a drug.. I've tried it for a few months but didn't work so much on me)

• surgical operation (they cut the bladder neck to open it more but it can be a risky operation and has the side effect of nearly sure retrograde ejaculation: the sperm will go back to the bladder leaving me infertile)

• intermittent catheterization (they say it's preferable to diapers and allow me to completly empty my bladder a few times a day)

The doctors strongly advised for the surgical operation feeling that as a young person I woul definetely benefit from it, but after carefull consideration I've decided against it: the operation can be dangerous and the retrograde ejaculation is nearly sure in my case and I want to have children.

I've experimented a bit with catheterization and it solves the problem but I fear VERY much the infections, as some of you know it can be unpractical some times even using one time hydrophilic catheters.

I strongly feel that given my history with diapers the problem is not so bad and since I don't mind them so much (I could understand somebody who would prefer the catheter) and since I almost always need to pee and have a costant "urge" they are very convenient: I can't always be sitting on a toilet.

Coming to the real question:

I think that becoming more "incontinent" would help my living situation a lot, I hope that I can achive that without surgical intervention: becoming more "incontinent" (relaxing my sphincters) would free me from intermittent catheterization and from this constant "urge" feeling.

I already wear diapers 24/7 (I've started about 4 months ago when my symptoms got worse and I've told the doctors).

I want to stress that is a legitimate request: I read about people with complete urinary retention (much worse than mine) that went so far as to get both internal and external sphincter cut to become incontinent since that was better than living with costant urinary retention and dangerous infections.

I might add that in the last few years I've been very stressed (for work reasons, I'm managing a startup IT company) so my muscle being very tense might be also related to some "anxiety".

I've though a lot about this and as I said I've been already living the incontinent life for a few months.

I was hoping that being always protected would help me relax my muscles but after 4 months I still have difficulty voiding properly, always fear little accident and even when peeing a bit 30 minutes later I have a big urge and have to push to let out just a small amount.

I can't find which exercise should I do to relax my sphincters: on the net and with doctors they all try to solve incontinence and for people with retention they just suggest catheters!

I've read tha I could try to suppress that "clenching" feeling when I stop peeing but that's hard and wired to the "potty training" or maybe I'm doing it wrong, during the night I usually do not wet but I wake up various times feeling very full and sometimes in the morning I resort to using the catheter or I will be peeing small amount all day.

Could you share some advices? My goal at this point would be to untight my muscle, I would very much prefer to have less control on my bladder but live better although having to use diapers.

Sorry for the long post and my less than perfect english, I'm not a native speaker.

[wetman]

You want to contact Terryfighter.

[Eir]

@ lorenzoo. If you have no problems urinating in your own home, then chances are, you do not have a physical problem at all, you have a psychological condition known as paruresis which I also have. If this is the case, I invite you to check out the International Paruresis Association Website at www.paruresis.org. I also would encourage you to buy Jake Rubin's ebook called Urinate now, and Rich Presta's The Paruresis Treatment System and his Anxiety Helix manual that comes with it. I would also reccommend Alexander Heinz's The Ultimate Paruresis Guide, teaches an effective systemic relaxion technique. Seven percent of the population has shy bladder.

[lorenzoo]

@terryfigher, thank you very much for your reply.

I've already looked into the parauresis condition and it's definitely part of my problem but I think there's also something physical since my condition has worsened a lot in the last years. Diapers are helping a lot with the parauresis because just knowing that I have them as a "safety net" keeps me more relaxed and allows me to urinate more easily.

It often happens that I have trouble peeing even when home alone, so that sort of confirms that it's not just parauresis.

Sometimes -as you put it- my chains are very hard binded, for instance a few weeks ago I went on a trip with some friends and at the restaurant I had a very hard time peeing even if my bladder was bursting: on the return trip I was so glad I was wearing a diaper because I was able to release the pressure little-by-little.. without it I would have been lost on what to do!

I've already visited in the past parauresis.org and I've tried some of the tecniques but I couldn't master some of them (for example the "famous" holding breath).

I will look into buying the book you suggested and see if that helps in some way.

[Eir]

It just hit me, do you have roommates or live with anyone. Because some paruretics have problems urinating at home when others are in the house. If your roomates come home unnanounced, your mind may have decided that your home toilet is not a safe toilet. If you have raccous neighbors, that may also be an issue. By the sound of it, you have a severe case of paruresis. I reccomend two courses of action, one is buying the books I have mentioned and doing the exercises, the second is becoming incon. It would be better to be incontinent and have to wear diapers than suffer a severe case of paruresis and the health effects that come with your avoidance behaviors. I find it hard to believe that someone so young could have a physical issue with their plumbing. If we did not urinate with our genitals it would be a ton easier. I found a blog buy a guy in Norway who wore diapers 24/7 for a period. He became decensitized to urinating in public (diapered) and lost 70% of his symptoms. The breath holding thing does work, I tried it in the shower. It is a truly bizarre sensation, you feel the muscles of the pelvic floor dropping. You need to practice breath holding, work up to that point where you can hold for a minute

[lorenzoo]

Thank you terryfighter, you're really kind with your replies.

I think the problem maybe a mixed case of paruresis and physical issue because I always had a "poor" stream and difficult urination and it's becoming worse with time. The urologist says that is a common background for people with issues at the bladder neck sphincter and didn't believe my paruresis could be so "strong".

Anyway at this time I've ruled out the surgical operation and I'm trying to concentrate on the paruresis side hoping to improve that: the operation would not help with the paruresis at all since to become incontinent I would also have to get an external sphincterotomy.

I'm trying to wear 24/7 and become incontinent, but as others stated on the forum, it's very hard.

I've looked into the books you recommended but I must say I've been a little put off from the look of the websites on which those are sold, I'll explain myself better:

I couldn't find them referred from any official source (like www.paruresis.org) and they all are very similar to one another and all promise quick and easy solutions.

Usually in life (and especially on the internet) things that promise too much end up being just "scam", if those methods are so good.. shouldn't be doctors and association advertising them all the time?

I've visited:

http://www.boldbladder.com/

http://www.paruresistreatment.com/

http://www.urinatenow.com/

all of them advertise high price discount (to try to convince you that you're making a great deal) and all with bold statement about "your money back guarantee".

Why don't they just sell these ebooks on amazon? Well, maybe it's just me being too suspicios! I may end up in the end buying them all!

[Eir]

^

1. Doctors are often just as ignorant about paruresis as the general public, but they are more arrogant.

2. It is not uncommon for doctors to deny that the problem exists or that it can keep you from going. Some will say that eventually the body will force you to go. Some paruretics have actually been hospitalized because they were not able to relieve themselves. Many people consider this a shameful problem so they dont seek help, therefore many doctors are left ignorant. For years, anorexia was thought to be in the minds of women, men. They were told to just eat more. Classic example, your doctor told you that your shy bladder cannot possibly be so strong.

3. Don't worry about the way these websites look, I used a credit card to obtain them, they increased my understanding of the problem, and were very helpful.

4. I would not worry to much about the IPA not reccommending these other sources. They are a nonprofit, although they have their own anti-paruresis methods to sell. They host workshops around the country and such, and they have an online bookstore. Basically, when was the last time you went to Papa Johns, and they reccommended a hole in the wall pizzeria accross the street? Same thing, A 401K Calvary Chapel church would not send you to the Vineyard Church accross the street.

5. A certain level of flashiness is required as the potential customers believe it is impossible to gain any improvements in the way of defeating shy bladder. Don't let this distract you.

6. I also remembered feeling a bit scared buying these self help manual online. Honestly, I believe it is that damned irrelevant masculine pride getting in the way.

Rich Presta has a holistic approach to the shy bladder issue, and addresses anxiety in general. He has guided meditation relaxation/meditation CD's that address the issue. I cannot vouch for Alexander Heinz's hypnosis CD as I have not tried it. I trust Heinz, His manual was very no-nonsense. Jake Rubin's book was the one that saved me from the humiliation of peeing sitting down in multistall restrooms and waiting for people to clear out so I would not get caught peeing against the porcelein. It reduced paruresis from a major handicap to a nuisance. I have to use stalls but at least I can stand, and it does not matter how busy the restroom is.

[Bettypooh]

Lorenzoo, there is another possibility here. My best friend had a urethra that was 3 times as long as it was supposed to be, and in time it moved around and essentially got kinked in several places. He had several UTI's before one kidney failed and began necrotizing. It was only on them removing the dead kidney that they discovered the problem with his urethra which they sectioned back to a normal length.

Before I discovered my own being DL, as my friend suffered he related to me that he had begun wear Attends to bed because his overfull bladder would leak in his sleep. One of the happiest moments in his life was when they fixed that problem and he became almost proud of how well he could pee after that. Not so happy was his family who called him names when he was having problems- then I related to him how much he!! I had went through as a very late childhood wetter dealing with a similar relationship with my family. It was this kind of deep honesty and trust that made us the best friends that could possibly be. Other things happened in his life and he's gone now and I miss him more than I can express. As best anyone can figure, many of my friends health problems stemmed from or were made worse by his over-retention of urine.

I don't know what the doctors have done for you so far, but they need to do an ultrasound or more to check for this kind of problem. Your friends don't want to miss you the way I miss Chris so get this looked into and fixed ASAP, OK?

Bettypooh

[Baby Brian]

Lorenzoo, my issues are somewhat similar to yours, but mine are tied to urge incontinence from an auto accident I was in. I too have a low capacity and higher frequency of peeing accompanied by varying degrees of spasms that can make it somewhat difficult for me to start peeing or finish before empty. I've been to MANY urologists within my region. Every single one of them wanted to "cure" me with drugs, exercises, short term catheterization, etc. I've used long term catheters on my own (for 7 months) to reduce my sphincter muscles ability, which helped, but never have I been granted the real help to make me fully incontinent (via surgery as you mentioned). Yes, it is dangerous and should be weighed carefully, but you should really consider having it done. Having to live with this for the past 15 years has been a serious burden to me, I'd leap to take your offer if I could!