Tips For Easing My Boyfriend Into This Role?

[lovelylittle]

another post by lovelylittle... i know, i post too much i'm posting in this thread because i need some advice from some mommies/daddies, please don't spank me, i'll act like a grownup in here!

i seem to be unique on most boards i've skimmed in that i am a young female AB/DL with a boyfriend who accepts but is not an ABDL himself. as far as i know, with most of the people on here who are in relationships either both partners participate or the male is the AB/DL.... and i don't really know where to start with this. i "came out" to my boyfriend a few weeks ago and he is completely supportive and hasn't said one negative thing about it (other than some lighthearted teasing, but we tease each other in all areas of our lives so this isn't any different ) but i'm not really sure how to get from this point to a point where he can 'participate' with me. i don't want him to change me or feed me or anything like that (i am more of an LG than an AB, besides, i think that would be the one thing that might freak him out a little bit lol) but part of my AB/DL fantasies stem from a past abusive relationship where acting like a child was used to humiliate me, and i've always wanted to experience having someone in my life approach that "daddy" role from the standpoint of loving care rather than being dominating and degrading. basically, i just want to feel comfortable being 'little me' in front of him- being diapered, sucking my thumb, using my sippy or my binky, cuddling my stuffed animals, whatever- and more importantly, for him to be comfortable with it to a point where he can cuddle and kiss me and be his normal affectionate self and not feel awkward about it.

since i've told him i've tried to go the route of just slow exposure- i took a nap with my blanky and stuffed tiger and it was still in the bed when he came home, and he just teased me a little and then told me it was "cute". and i've taken opportunities when things have come up in conversation to casually mention things like using a binky, etc. like i said, he hasn't had any negative reactions so far, but i feel like just letting him come home and walk in on me in a diaper or with a paci in my mouth would be a little much for him. anyone have any tips on how to go about this the best way, and how to make it as comfortable as possible for him?

thanks in advance, you guys always have such great insightful responses

[Teddy Bear Brian]

My advice. Have a sit down and talk about it. Talk about what you want. I wouldn't have him just walk in on it. Even if he accepts it that might just be a bit over the top when not expecting it. Most guys do not operate on the same frequency as women. We like to be told what you women want, directly told. I think I speak for many guys that one of the hardest things about relationships with women is not knowing what they really want until it is too late.

You are talking about some pretty mild stuff. He is already fine with you as you are and all you want is a cuddle. I mean you're not asking him to change or feed you so if he is happy with you as you are I really doubt he will have a problem giving you a cuddle. He already called it cute when he saw you. I wouldn't be suprised that if you have some time like that eventually if you were interested in being changed or fed or any of that other stuff he would be cool with it.

When you have the sit down with him also ask him what he wants. Tell him if he is willing to accept this part of you and help you feel happy you in turn want to make him happy. Is there anything you can do for him?

My bottom line is communicate. Be direct and honest. As much as women wish it to be true men are not mind readers. Then when he is meeting your needs make sure you meet his too.

[darkravendl]

First and foremost Congradulations not only on the courage to express youreslf but also taking the risk in opening yourself in such a way. Have you expressed to him how much affection you feel you can recieve from him while playing the role? I would also suggest that you send him to this section of DD to help him gain a better understanding of what it is you want.

[lovelylittle]

thanks to both of you. Brian, i definitely think it would be a good idea to sit and talk with him first. you made a good point, he is definitely all guy in the sense that if i'm subtle and don't just flat out tell him what i want, he doesn't get it- so i will make sure i'm clear about what i'm looking for. but i'm not worried that he isn't going to be okay with being affectionate and cuddling me- to be more clear, what i want to know the most is how to lessen the initial weirdness of him seeing me in a diaper/'playing baby' for the first time. i know he's already said he's okay with it and i believe him, but i think no matter how okay he is, as a non-AB/DL man the sight of his mature, sexy adult girlfriend (i'm so modest ) in a baby diaper is going to be a little awkward and strange at first. so, any tips on how to make that part less of a shock? i definitely don't want to spring it on him, but there's a million ways i've played this out in my head... warning him the day before that i'll be diapered the next night when he comes home, asking him first if it's okay with him (i'm leaning toward definitely including this because i want him to know i care how he feels) waiting until he's there to put on a diaper, etc. etc. what would be the best way to go about that, and any other tips/insight?

[darkravendl]

I would suggest finding a story that closely simulates the kind of experiance that you want. That way he gets an idea of what to expect from you and how you will act while in LG mode. Obviously he means a lot to you and it would seem that you mean a lot to him. He may be more willing to play along than you think.

[WBDaddy]

Maybe start with some of the less "shocking" accessories - watch a movie together, cuddling with him and one of your plushies. Then maybe add your binky if you're getting a vibe from him like he's into the cuddling. Then maybe get your sippy cup out, again, keeping your (much keener female) radar up for how he's responding to each little step. Probably skip the diapers that particular evening, you're trying to monitor how much (if anything) alters his mood in a negative fashion. You're going to be able to feel a lot more than he'll ever tell you in this regard, because of the situation. You also need to be very, very careful that YOU aren't putting off a vibe of nervousness as you go through these steps. As dense as we guys can be sometimes, we can still tell when our mates are acting weird in an intimate situation. We may not know WHY, but we can tell.

If, you get all the way through all that without him getting unnerved, then give it a go the next time with padding, but wearing something loose/comfortable over it, so it's not waving a big "HEY I'M WEARING A DIAPER" flag. I would even go so far as to pad up far enough ahead to where you're not really thinking about it by the time you settle in with him, so you're still giving off positive vibes. Bring the binky and the plushy too, so he's not just surprised by crinkly underwear without some indication of where you're at in your headspace.

If you feel him getting unnerved at any point in either situation, do your best to turn up the affection, to let him know that it's still you, and he has nothing to be nervous about. Most guys, when finding themselves in a strange situation with their mates, simply need reassurance, and this is the simplest way to give it to him.

[Eir]

Lovelylittle, I find pigtails and babytalk to be extremely cute! Why don't you wear pigtails, and use a ton of babytalk!! (As a suggestion, use Misto + BF's name)

[lovelylittle]

thanks for the ideas, guys. I think i will definitely talk with him about what I want from him, and it's a good idea to go in stages with the accessories. I will definitely wear something over the diaper the first time too to make it a little less shocking. terryfighter, he would probably think the pigtails were cute, but we babytalk as a joke all the time and if I tried to do it with a straight face I think we'd both just burst out laughing

[lovelylittle]

I think I'm going to post this in the 'friends and family' forum too, just to hear some insight from non-ABDL partners as to what helped them get over the initial awkwardness (or didn't)

[sweetandsensitiveguy]

you know he might be ok with you being into in but may himself might not want to get into it

like my gf didnt mind me being into it but when i tried to get it into it or even let me do it she was like i have to see how i feel about it when you do it.

So talk to him and ask him how he feels about you doing it with him being there

and with my gf she has fetish and i told her it works both ways ill do what she likes if she does what i like which in a relationship is compromise

[Baby Susan]

Cuddle up to him on the couch in Pj's with your nappy on,Let him know how you feel about him.Be happy and romantic and ask him if he would like to touch you inside your Pj's.Tell him that you feel happy and secure in your nappy and his strong arms and he'll soon get to like the idea.He may even start to suggest further role play.

[jesica]

Hi, just one word of caution, you mentioned you had been abused. Just be aware if you are able to get your bf to acto out some of your desires this could effect your memories that could have very negative consequences, "ptsd" symptoms. This is based on your current level of functioning and how your abuse has effected you. fyi

[lovelylittle]

Hi, just one word of caution, you mentioned you had been abused. Just be aware if you are able to get your bf to acto out some of your desires this could effect your memories that could have very negative consequences, "ptsd" symptoms. This is based on your current level of functioning and how your abuse has effected you. fyi

I did think about this quite a bit before I told my current boyfriend. There are a lot of factors that ease my worry, my ex was into forcing me to wet myself because it was degrading and he wanted to dominate me. My current boyfriend is very affectionate and loving, and entirely different in the way he acts around me and speaks to me. Also, it's been nearly ten years since the abuse, I was barely a teen at the time and my mindset is very far removed. There are other sexual things that I have had PTSD-like symptoms from- mainly hands on my neck- but I don't think that a diaper fantasy based on loving cuddles will elicit those feelings. I am entirely different now as far as my maturity level and emotional balance and strength as well.

[rosalie.bent]

Take it carefully and dont rush. Partners can sometimes act quite adversely to the AB scene based on a total misunderstanding of it. You sound like you are carry quite a load yourself still so it could be a disaster to drag an unwilling/uninitiated person into you world. It is a process and can ake quite a while to do well.

[dudewheresmyname321]

I think you just have to appeal to his nurturing/caring nature. You mention he's loving and affectionate, so take it slow, but I can't imagine it would be a hard sell.

[willnotwill]

"Of course a guy will listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay."