In A Dark Place

[Army_Baby1]

I don't know where to start or what to say. Over the last few months life has gotten harder and harder for me. A few years ago I had nightmares from a combat. Over the year I have been dealing with them off and on. Thanks to everything over my life escape of life and depression has become almost an everyday thing. Over the last week it has become even harder to do anything. Give you an idea for me to get to this point has been over 30mins. and four starts. I'm lost and know not which way to head. These days I do not know wheather to cry, or just stay in bed. They only thing I do know is that I have no ware to turn besides here. I do not have friends, all the people around me just want to use me for trades and skills I do but i can not hide anymore so it is just time to hide away from everyone.

I'm at a loss for the words so I guess time to get off...............

[daddy-jonny]

have you thought about going to counseling or finding a close friend to talk to? i haven't served in the service or anything and i would bet there is lots of stuff that people over there hope people back home never see's the stuff they saw. and even in the past. here if you need somone to talk to

[Repaid1]

As a former Service member please contact your Local VA Clinic or hospital and get in touch with the Mental Health clinic section. In fact you could just walk in without a appointment and they will see you right away. (well right away as the government goes). You need to be evaluated immediately dude. I am going through the treatment for PTSD & Depression as well. They are a great group of people and will listen and perhaps give you some Medication or consuling to help this situation. Do not wait do it today!. When you get assigned your primary doctor, they will take the steps necessary to get your treatments started. Then go to The VA Benefits section and file for Compensation Benefits. If they do indeed treat you for PTSD your looking at about a $400+ check a month. Wick can come in handy! But by all means contact the VA and get the help you rightfully deserve.

Semper Fi!

[Army_Baby1]

Yes I know I need help but scared to ask for help from any of the services out there. The last few times that I asked for help the army sent me on a vacation to the hospital. Yes I know I have many problems and yes the VA knows the same thing. I was medical retired earlier this year from the army because of PTSD, Major Depression disorder, and BI-Polar, And that was just the start. 5 Combat tours and a few melt downs and then they do not want you.

So far the VA here has not offered any help with the PTSD here and very limited on depression. They have not done any of the counsellings that I was in with the army. Right now I'm starting to think that they want to just medicate and hope that fixes it.

Last week I was at the VA and the first thing out of their mouth was meds and then was to stick me in the hospital for some time. I do not think that I could handal being in a hospital again. The army has stuck me in hospital a few time and it never really helps. All they every do is create more family problems while I'm in and when I get out it get worse.

I'm lost and really have no idea where to turn with no friends, and do not know how to talk to my family about my problems.

yes repaid1 I agree counseling would help it is just the VA does not have the staff to be able to get an apt. for months.

But waiting for the call to say I have one.

Till then

[sarah_ab]

Often times the first thing is medication, because until some of the symptoms of PTSD, depression and bipolar are controlled, then counseling will really be of no benefit. All of these disorders are caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, which requires medication to balance them out. It sounds like you need to start of meds to get some of these symptoms controlled, then you can start counseling.

As for them 'sticking' you in the hospital, when you are in the army they can do that, when you have been discharged, they can recommend hospitalization, but unless you are actively suicidal or homicidal the likely hood of a actual 72 hr. psych hold is low. Go in, try the meds, take them as prescribed, and ask them about any groups... most VAs offer groups where you will meet others who have been through what you have, and who are having many of the same symptoms you are... sometimes just knowing you are not the only one and being around others is very helpful as well.

[Repaid1]

Yes I know the hospital thing from the VA and they have thrown me in the "Rubber room" a few times now. Knowing what to say to get help and them tossing you in the hospital thinking your nuts is a thin line. I'll tell you what I have found. I have a gentleman in my hospital/clinic, now his official title is suicide prevention coordinator. Don't let the name fool you, while that is one of his roles, it seems he is also the main source or boss if you will of the counselors that handle the rest of the mental health. Now they aren't affiliated directly with the Phyc. Doctors but can work with them.

Okay First you need a real Medical doctor assigned to you, also known in the VA world as your Primary. In my history these are your first line. You need to tell them your concerns both personal and VA wise with past experiences. There is always someone who is really in charge somewhere who will listen and handle this type of thing. Trust me I got fustrated too when they started throwing the pills to me. They now will jump through hoops when I call. In fact I took part in getting my Mental Health doctor fired and having them assign me a new one.

I know it is ruff at this point, it is hard to try to give a damn, and to keep moving forward. But trust me at some point you will find someone within the VA system that will listen and they will literally take you by the hand and call all the big wigs in the system to insure you are not swept under the rug like I was in the beginning. You will get the help. The old 3 months between appointments sucks. Say something! complain to the complaints department. I did. I realize they see alot of people and personal one on one care isn't possible, but the stupid looking me up on the computer and reading your notes shit had to stop. I now see my Mental doctor every two weeks, I go to counseling twice a week, and see my primary doctor at least once a month. I also have all there desk numbers, not a answering service.

You would expect them to take care of you better like was done within the service, but unfortunately you have to be about a dick about it till they listen. Once you get there attention and show them it ain't all about their paycheck and perhaps the bosses get involved you will start to see some results. A pain yes, but it ain't gonna happen right away. You have to go back to that drive you had as soldier and push the strength forward. Reach down inside and find the man you used to be and get the help you need. I have lost my family over this whole thing, but guess what? They found out what I am doing now and are ready to come back and say they were sorry for the crap. Only you can help yourself at first, then only hope the VA listens. Hang in there bud, and I am here if you ever just wanna talk about anything.

[Army_Baby1]

Well called my case manger and now have a new date to be seen. Two weeks and then I get to see mine, nothing new. Guess I will have to see what comes. I just hope that they will start taking caring me like the army was.

Thanks everyone for the great ideas hopeful things work out, I just have wait and see......