Feeling Suicidal And Lonely, Someone Talk To Me.

[techboy89]

Deleted the content, got a really nasty email, theres no help here either.

[LittleMissMolly]

Wow, that's a lot to deal with. I can really sense the longing in your words. It sounds like what you really want is acceptance. Is that right?

You know, part of what you describe is really common in the military. Depression in the military is so widespread and it's often unacknowledged. It's hard for people to transition back into civilian life. And that disconnect you're describing when you say that you're surrounded by people but feel completely alone sounds a lot like what I've heard from other people returning from service.

It also sounds like there's some incongruence between who you are when you're with your friends, and who you are inside. Part of that is necessary because of the nature of our lifestyle, but that incongruence can definitely lead to feeling alone, isolated and depressed. Feeling like you have to hide part of who you are is always uncomfortable.

I wish I had answers for you, but all I really offer what I've learned from my own experience.

You say you won't be happy until you find a person who understands you, but I just want to caution you against thinking that a relationship is what will make things better. From my experience, you really have to take care of yourself first and then start a relationship, otherwise you will just end up contaminating the relationship with your pain.

The good news is that there are people who understand you. This forum is full of them. You can find acceptance here.

[sarah_ab]

there is a forum for depression and related topics... its called restless fox's depression forum... this may be best posted there.....

[Diapered Jason]

You should never feel ashamed of who you are. When it comes to the loneliness, I know how you feel. One important thing to keep in mind when dating, you never know until you try. There are plenty of women out there who are into the same things as you or at least will understand you.

Now, I can say with 99.99999% certainty that any preconceived notions about what lies beyond death are false. There are probably no pearly gates, hell, or whatever people think exists. What scares me is you think you may be better off dead. Let me tell you, there is nothing good about that choice.

[LilFozzyJ5]

Hello Techboy,

It is a sad thing to read when another human being is feeling the way you do, I am glad you came onto the forum to voice your worries, in this way you are reaching out. This will probably feel like a safe way to do the reaching too, as most people on here are the faceless masses of the internet and not likely to know you in person.

The very first thing i want you to know is that you are not alone, not in your history or in your current feeling. I too have a military back ground, I saw things that have upset me and left me with 'scars'. I can be in a crowded room, full of people i know and love and feel like I am totally alone in the world. Unless you knw me like my wife does, you would never know, my mask slipped into place a long time ago before I had even reached the age of 10. Other than people on this site, I can count on one hand the people that have even the slightest idea of what

[aleyxsis]

very well said fozzy !!

[LilFozzyJ5]

surprised about the OP's sudden removal? they have recieved a nasty email? from someone on here?

Whoever it is should be ashamed, he is someone clearly asking for help, from in their eyes a last chance and this is how our community treats them? (One in our community at least).

If the OP's is a true account, and who of us knows different, is that the kind of message we want other people to see?

Come back Techboy and tell us more of this nasty email, name and shame the person that sent it to you, give the rest of us a chnace to help you and listen to you.

[Diapered Jason]

I apologize that we could not help you. I'll admit I may have gotten carried away in the second paragraph of my preceding post. Still, we will never be able to help you much less talk to you if you don't talk to us. I would disregard any such nasty email.

How about we start out easy. I have quite a few relatives who live in Minneapolis. It is not too bad a place to live. I especially like the winters.