This Sissy Craves Attention

[Jen Harris]

All my life I've had two main lines of fantasy. One is me as a soldier of some sort, a masculine hero, a great fighter and a leader. The other is of me as a panty-wetting sissy. What do the two have in common? Attention.

I mentioned in a previous post how attention played a role in how I came to be a sissy - it probably started with me having wetting accidents around when my brother was born to get my mother's attention, and crossdressing got a huge boost when some girls "dressed me up".

Think about it, who gets more attention than the sissy? Babies are helpless, so if you're a baby, you're getting someone to take care of you in a very intensive way. Diapering you, feeding you, telling you what to do. As a sissy, all the more attention - someone is picking out and "making you" wear all these special clothes. In most sissy stories it's not just one "mommy" - "mommy" brings over her friends to mock you or babysit you, "mommy" makes you go out shopping, or if the story is XXX, makes you service the men.

And who gets more attention when they go out, girls or boys? Everyone has been in the situation where a hot woman walks in and all eyes turn to her. It's no surprise that we'd crave that kind of attention too.

Most sissies crave humiliation, and humiliation is a form of attention. Just as the war hero me is acknowledged by everyone, so is the sissy - everyone can see her diaper bulge (in the typical story), everybody 'knows' what's going on. The risk and thought of being discovered is part of the thrill. It's about being the center of attention. It's not just generic girl clothes you wear - I've never seen a sissy story involving a pants suit. It's always short, revealing attire, weather it's a petticoat or a miniskirt.

Imagine to yourself, which is more interesting to the sissy - putting on a diaper by yourself and staying at home doing normal things? Or wetting yourself, being discovered, getting spanked, getting changed into a diaper, and being told to suck a pacifier? While most of us fear embarrassment, there's a thrilling aspect to it as well. Getting changed by someone is intimidating but also deeply thrilling in a way (I wish I had experienced it).

I know that when I'm doing diaper stuff, I just have to share it. I have to make status updates about my leaks, and find someone to give me direction and tell me what to do - to pay attention to me.

Now of course, not all sissies are this way. Some are simply transgendered diaper lovers, others may find security and safety in diapers and frilly things. I can't speak for everyone. But having read a lot of stories, I can see I'm not the only one this way.

Me, when I put on a diaper and a schoolgirl uniform, I feel like the king(or queen) of the world. And why? Because I know everyone would notice me. People in various chats and forums (usually of ill repute) message me. I'm cool and interesting, in a very backwards way.

Even if it takes a strong sexual component, in all cases I can see it starts off with a non-sexual desire - for attention in my case. That desire becomes sexualized, and it makes me at least feel bad for it.

Yes, of course, there is a safety component to it too. I seek diapers out when I'm stressed. But it's more of a cry for help, almost - I'm tired, I'm stressed, I want to be helpless and you people should care about me. And take care of me. I probably felt the same way when I wet my pants at 4, and there was nothing sexual then.

The "contract of the sissy" goes like this: "I will do whatever you tell me to do, no matter how degrading, just so long as you keep telling me to do things and keep paying attention to me".

This makes me wonder...

What's the best way to turn this around? How can I make diapers and being a sissy a positive thing? How can one be a sissy, feel that center of attention, and turn it around into something that isn't so embarrassing, humiliating, and negative? What would the perfect mommy or daddy do to not only help you feel warm, safe, and loved, but also help you build up to being your own person?

One of the issues with my gf is she hates always having to be the top. I want to be the top too. But I have a lot of fears and insecurities that get in the way of me really getting into that space. She doesn't mind being a top, but all the time, it's a lot of work - picking out clothes, makeup, telling me every little thing. Sometimes she wishes I could take control.

And as I wrote in my blog entry "counstructive diapers", it's too very easy to start worshiping this negative image. You WANT someone there to call you a worthless little slut, a panty wetter, etc. And these negative messages can't be all that good for the pscyhe. But if you take them all away you've frustrated the whole point. You wanted someone there to tell you all these things and dress you up. Can they be there to tell you things like you belong in diapers and girl clothes while also acknowledging the good, positive things?

If your "punishments" are just things that get you more attention, like a spanking, a thick diaper, a scolding... you'd just seek out those things. They're not really punishments at all. But if you tell your mommy or daddy not to use those things, because you like them, how should he or she punish? And how should he or she reward you?

It's one thing not to make a big deal out of an accident. But an accident, for someone like me, whether I'm 4 or 24, is a sign I need some attention. A diapering, spanking, and a scolding is one form of attention I'd like. But just putting me (more like, having me put myself) in diapers seems to lead to leaks, and why? Because I still am not getting that attention I crave.

One thing I learned in fighting with my gf is that attention is something that we will find a way to get when you need it. If I don't give it to her when she makes dinner or does something nice, she will start to nag me. If I don't respond to that, she'll become verbally venomous, and if that still doesn't work she might even (on rare occasions) threaten to smash or throw something. It sounds dangerous, but it's really about getting a reaction out of me who is often emotionless (I tend to become a 'robot' in such situations). The point is that she will keep going until she gets a reaction, until she gets emotion out of me.

Everybody has seen the celebrity who gets in trouble to get attention. The drama queen always talking about suicide. They're different solutions, but people will go as far as they need to go to get acknowledged - even if it's immensely self-destructive.

I'm not very different, really. I'll go on this site, I'll find a daddy. I'll wet, I'll mess, I'll leak, whatever it is to get attention.

So, with everything on the table, what is the best way to build someone like me up? A daddy who says it's okay to need diapers even at my age is nice, but then I'll have leaks. I'll cause trouble. I'll want more. Because daddy didn't give me that feeling - he just said, go put on your diapers. Maybe he was thinking (as I might) that it might take the fun out of it not to give me so much attention. But I still want that attention, that the simple phrase didn't give me. So I'll seek it out. However I can.

What's the resolution? I like the idea of a strict mommy/daddy who expects me to do things, but I need to get some kind of reward when I'm good, something more than "not punished", something that makes me feel like I'm even more interesting and they're more proud. But what? If you take away the humiliating or embarrassing things what is there? Rewarding me for staying dry with big boy pants is not going to get it done. I need some attention - I need to feel like daddy or mommy planned something fun out for me.

That's the kind of "disciplinary" framework I need, I think. But how, what, why? Relief from nagging, punishments and insults will never do it, because I always crave that on some level. I like playing the screwup.

And it's not just relevant to diapers. As I said all these things have origins in a non-sexual space. And that's true for me too. I have a lot of behaviors - like being late to work, playing my game when I need to be doing other things - that are not going to destroy me (I won't get fired), but serve to cause nagging, get the attention back on me. Confirming my suspicion that I'm incapable and also getting people to tell me what to do, nag me, or get upset with me - and ideally those close to me, like my gf. There's a strange sort of security in that. The diapers, by contrast? I could wear diapers 24/7 and be a successful person. I'd trade my continence for the ability to make my gf genuinely proud any day. I need something more than potty training - my failure at which is more a signal that I need attention than anything else.

It's a trap I need to break out of. Right now it's keeping from having an awesome life. I have a fair to good life right now. I should be doing better. Of course, any mommy or daddy would have to see that I am awesome and could be doing so much better. My gf sees it, but doesn't know how to get me there. My mother was the same way, always telling me I was't quite living up to my potential.

How do I get there? How can I use these parts of my psyche to break through?

More later but do leave your responses, thoughts, and suggestions. This was going to be a blog entry - but after people found my "Sissy Origins" post useful, and given how few people see the blogs - I decided to write on here instead. It's something a lot of us sissies could benefit from.

XOXO,

Jen

[wugga]

"Think about it, who gets more attention than the sissy? Babies are helpless, so if you're a baby, you're getting someone to take care of you in a very intensive way. Diapering you, feeding you, telling you what to do. As a sissy, all the more attention - someone is picking out and "making you" wear all these special clothes. In most sissy stories it's not just one "mommy" - "mommy" brings over her friends to mock you or babysit you, "mommy" makes you go out shopping, or if the story is XXX, makes you service the men."

XXX means sexually explicit, if mommy gets you naked and makes you dress up in sexy costumes that is XXX, saying it's only XXX if you have sex with men and implying that these stories are incomplete without gay sex is really misleading and annoying.

[Jen Harris]

"Think about it, who gets more attention than the sissy? Babies are helpless, so if you're a baby, you're getting someone to take care of you in a very intensive way. Diapering you, feeding you, telling you what to do. As a sissy, all the more attention - someone is picking out and "making you" wear all these special clothes. In most sissy stories it's not just one "mommy" - "mommy" brings over her friends to mock you or babysit you, "mommy" makes you go out shopping, or if the story is XXX, makes you service the men."

XXX means sexually explicit, if mommy gets you naked and makes you dress up in sexy costumes that is XXX, saying it's only XXX if you have sex with men and implying that these stories are incomplete without gay sex is really misleading and annoying.

No such implication was intended. I was merely illustrating one scenario that I see in XXX stories - where the sissy has sexy with men. The point being that others beyond mommy are often involved (not always, of course, but the sissy is always the center of attention one way or the other!) . Maybe mommy's (or daddy's) friends, or maybe a sister, or maybe a cousin. Sometimes merely strangers that see the sissy while she's out. The fact that it is homosexual is tangential to the point I was trying to make. Which certainly was not that any good story involves gay sex!

[Diapered Jason]

As far as sissy tendencies are concerned, I can definitely relate. I like attention too.

There are many possibilities when it comes to rewarding good sissy behavior. Some rewards that I can imagine for a sissy like you could be centered around sexual pleasure between you and you girlfriend whereas if you were bad, you get the tease, but not the orgasm. Good sissies also might get new toys/equipment to help them become more of a sissy. I will leave that mostly to your imagination unless you ask for more ideas as that is not what this topic is about.

In returning to your topic, I am not quite sure if I can answer your question. What I suspect is we differ psychologically in that outside of my sissy fantasy, the sissy does not crave attention at least not in the same way. I also kind of have a type-A personality, in that I am competitive and always striving to do better; however, when it came to unlocking most of my potential, I was not able to do this until I met a very good friend of mine. Role models may play an important part in unlocking potential. Now, when I mean role models, I am not referring to anybody famous or mythical. I am referring to someone you work with that does much better work than you, so you can see how it is done. Picking up this person's habits that make them successful will more than likely further unlock your own potential. Perhaps this is not true at all, but if it helps, then more power to you.

It also interesting to point out that by asking this question, the will to do better is already there.

[turtlepins]

Wow! Thanks for sharing all that. I'm a sissy for a very different reason, but enjoyed reading what you had to say. For me it's security. When I am dressed as a baby girl I'm safe. That's pretty much psychological. My sissy time is usually very private. Yours sounds fun though! Thanks for sharing.

[Sweet Mincy]

Thank you so much Jen for really going deep and coming back up from a place of honesty and integrity. I certainly see a lot of my self in your essay. I too play with the duality of hero/fool and the transgressive nature of punishment and redemption. It was insightful. Thank you for taking the time to share.

[Daddy Fred]

Interesting discussion on infant psychology Jen, and it hangs together quite nicely. If an infant wants attention, it suggests to me that he/she is not getting the attention that he/she FEELS is needed. That infant may be getting the "usual" amount of attention like other children in that family had, but for some reason extra attention is needed.

Very often, children not getting the attention felt to be deserved will be "naughty" in order to get that attention quickly, even if punishment is involved. (There's that old punishment thing again). And one way to be naughty is to wet and mess him/herself.

There is one thing that seems to evade explanation -- and that is "how does sex get roped in here". How does sexual objective get mixed up in all this infantile behavior? And from my researches and direct experience, there is ALWAYS a strong sexual element in all the fetishes.

I will read with astronomical interest any explanation of this sexual entanglement.

Daddy Fred.

[Diapered Jason]

Well Daddy Fred, that is an age old question that really depends on your perspective. To be honest, the answer will be complicated and different for most people.

For myself, I am a masochist as my fantasy is to be controlled with some pain and humiliation thrown in. Diapers and sissification are great tools to accomplish this as nothing is more embarrassing or humiliating, making this extremely sexual for me. The answer as to why these fetishes developed first over others has to do with my past.

I realize that is a very basic answer, but I hope it helps. It might be a great idea to ask that question to the rest of the community in the form of a new topic. I bet there would be some interesting responses.

[Jen Harris]

Interesting discussion on infant psychology Jen, and it hangs together quite nicely. If an infant wants attention, it suggests to me that he/she is not getting the attention that he/she FEELS is needed. That infant may be getting the "usual" amount of attention like other children in that family had, but for some reason extra attention is needed.

Very often, children not getting the attention felt to be deserved will be "naughty" in order to get that attention quickly, even if punishment is involved. (There's that old punishment thing again). And one way to be naughty is to wet and mess him/herself.

There is one thing that seems to evade explanation -- and that is "how does sex get roped in here". How does sexual objective get mixed up in all this infantile behavior? And from my researches and direct experience, there is ALWAYS a strong sexual element in all the fetishes.

I will read with astronomical interest any explanation of this sexual entanglement.

Daddy Fred.

How it gets entangled is an interesting question I don't have the answer to. But what is interesting to me is that it existed way before I was sexual (certainly by six). And I use it in much the same way as a toddler would, to get attention. I did these sort of things without even thinking about it - flooding my diaper so I'd have a leak, wetting myself if "nobody told me" to wear diapers, etc. I wasn't trying to do it to be a baby, I was doing it so I could write posts, status updates, and have people come and instruct me or whatever. And there was that certain humiliating thrill.

I gotta admit it very definitely got tangled; at puberty diapers were on my mind all the time, and my first sexual experiences involved diapers.

My gut feeling is that the most suppressed, strongest desires come out in the sexual realm. A rather naive explanation is that the young brain shoves these things into that (at the time) dormant corner.