Dating

[dl10956]

Recently, I've come to the conclusion that the woman I marry will have to be involved - in some way, shape, or form - with my diaper fetish. Having an ABDL mommy would be nice; however, I'm also perfectly content with being an ABDL daddy to my girlfriend/spouse. With this being said, I fear that my dreams will never become reality. Is there any way - through the internet, perhaps, or otherwise - I can get in contact with other ABDLs, and thus increasing my chances of finding an ABDL girl?

[Marcuss]

Start out with a real full relationship over all. Diapers are not the only or even primary factor in compatibility even if you were fully incontinent 24/7 you would not stay with someone just because they accepted your diapers but had nothing els in common. Do not lie and do not deceive and do not hide. But build a real relationship slowly. Hopefully by the time your abdl really reaches a head there is enough of a love so that even if she is not encouraging or even supportive she will at least be acceptable of you even if she does not understand.

[Guest chhockle]

I agree with Marcuss. My wife did not know anything about the ABDL thing until we were together, but she has been very supportive and now really enjoys babying me and even wearing a diaper herself from time to time. In the end maybe I was just lucky but I think that the reason our relationship works is that we have a full relationship that diapers are a part of, but that is not the only thing our relationship is about. In the end I'm with my wife because she is the only person in the world I can share my whole self with. I wish you the best of luck finding someone who is accepting and loving who you can share your whole heart and soul with, ABDL and all.

[BriGuy]

I found my fiancé on fetlife. We have common albeit different kinks. She had never heard of infantilism before she met me but now she is almost over involved. She likes me to be a baby more than I do! LoL That being said it's important to base your relationship in the vanilla world because that's where the majority of it will be. She and I dated vanilla then got involved in our respective kinks. Be open, and 100% honest.

[sarah_ab]

i found y boyfriend of 5 years on diapermates.com

there are loads of websites you can use

diapermates.com, fetlife.com, diaperspace.com are just a few.....

I am a firm believer that sexual compatibility IS very important to an intimate relationship.... and so i knew for me, i would need a partner who was into at least some of hte kinks i was, or willing to explore. I also knew that abdl was one of my favourite sexual roleplay scenarios, and I would want someone who would be my daddy.... so i figure, if i meet someone through a website for fetish's than i don't have to worry about having 'that conversation' with someone.

And, because the stress of having 'that conversation' was not present, we were able to spend the early beginnings of our relationship about getting to know each other w/out having this 'secret' nagging at us...

I wouldn't say thought JUST look online and nothing else, because you could be missing out. Go to clubs or coffee shops, or bookstores, or whatever it is you are into. Meet people, go on dates, etc.... also, check in your area or near you and see if there are any fetish type clubs or events, fetlife often has lots of postings about these....

[complicated]

Ok I agree and disagree with all that have posted so far. A relationship is more than just a fetish, more than just sex. Yes you might have diapers in common but are you really willing to live with someone who might be a neat freak and your a slob (or vice versa)! Be open with the people that your with and you will be surprised at how many women, (and men for women) will do things to make the other happy. Especially if there is a connection. I say ride it out (no pun intended) and when the sex gets boring bring it up. Everyone has fantasies, but never push yours more than hers. Open up to her. Tell her the truth and shell like you that much more. But telling her the truth is the main point. Let her make up her mind after that. Don't push it. Just a nudge. A nudge. Every now and then. But let her take the lead. Shell be more willing to open up that way. Encourage her. But never ever push....

[Marcuss]

i have the highest level of respect for sarah on this site she is always constructive and well spoken. And i am glad she is happy. But...it is way way more likely for a women to find a partner on those sites than a man as they are so few and far between they have the pick of the litter. Wile it can happen as a male i would not count on a fetish site to find a match. Back in the day when i looked at those sites most of the female profiles were flat out inactive for over a year. Now dont get me wrong it can happen... But for me its a diaper pin in a landfill heh.. I found my love in about the most random way possable... tech support for my phone...heh i dont recommend that way either :0) just keep looking and if you are true and honest good things happen.

[dl_ashlee]

Man Engineering degrees are not good for your love life. I have like no time to even search for a potential mate, much less one that is accepting. So ya I would take any dating opportunity at this point, bleh!

[dl10956]

I hear you. I'm doing engineering, as well.

[Total Trash]

i have the highest level of respect for sarah on this site she is always constructive and well spoken. And i am glad she is happy. But...it is way way more likely for a women to find a partner on those sites than a man as they are so few and far between they have the pick of the litter. Wile it can happen as a male i would not count on a fetish site to find a match. Back in the day when i looked at those sites most of the female profiles were flat out inactive for over a year. Now dont get me wrong it can happen... But for me its a diaper pin in a landfill heh..

Fetlife seems to have a pretty even split. You don't need a perfect match for all your sexual interests; just look for someone open-minded who you happen to click with. I'd also recommend not going in with the mindset of finding a life partner; it comes across as overbearing if you start bringing up long-term relationship plans prematurely.

[diaperboyMKE]

I think there is no "one" answer to this problem, but in my opinion and in my case, I didn't let my DL side factor into my relationship at all. I think it's hard enough to find the right person as it is, and to add this pre-requisite would add an entire nother level of complexity that I'm not capable of handling. I was convinced that if I DID find someone who was into my DL side that I might be in sort of denial about all the other parts of the relationship and true love might be a fabricated feeling to compensate. So I built a relationship around all the other, normal aspects and I kept in mind that there is more to me than just what this person can see, and I asked myself, does this person REALLY love me for EVERYTHING I am? (even what she doesn't see?) I also made sure to be honest with her that no matter what, I do need time to myself once and a while, this way I didn't have to hide and get all my DL feelings out really quickly when we had a break from each other. I made it clear that I have things that I enjoy doing that requires privacy. This way I made it up to her to come to me about it, and I didn't have to explain why I was hiding something from her. I kind of approached it as, "well, I told you I needed my time to myself" BUT, I also told her that I was a little bit of a freak (in a non-destructive way) and I told her that she was welcome to inquire about it, but that it was just my little thing and she can choose to stay away from it and not even bother her with knowing about it. I told her that it IS what it IS, take it or leave it, but she doesn't even have to know or worry about it because it will never affect her.

I managed to peak her curiosity, and after much begging, I finally gave in and told her that I enjoy roaming around in my imagination once and a while, that it was a sexual outlet for me, and that I found it extremely satisfying and arousing to me. I invited her in, but told her that it was up to her, and that she could not hold it against me since she insisted on coming into that part of my life. She totally understood and by that time, loved me for everything, and was more than willing to be active in my DL because she DID love me so much and knew that I liked it so much.

I lucked out, but I did also do my share of strategic planning, adapting my strategy, and execution.

[diaperboyMKE]

I think there is no "one" answer to this problem, but in my opinion and in my case, I didn't let my DL side factor into my relationship at all. I think it's hard enough to find the right person as it is, and to add this pre-requisite would add an entire nother level of complexity that I'm not capable of handling. I was convinced that if I DID find someone who was into my DL side that I might be in sort of denial about all the other parts of the relationship and true love might be a fabricated feeling to compensate. So I built a relationship around all the other, normal aspects and I kept in mind that there is more to me than just what this person can see, and I asked myself, does this person REALLY love me for EVERYTHING I am? (even what she doesn't see?) I also made sure to be honest with her that no matter what, I do need time to myself once and a while, this way I didn't have to hide and get all my DL feelings out really quickly when we had a break from each other. I made it clear that I have things that I enjoy doing that requires privacy. This way I made it up to her to come to me about it, and I didn't have to explain why I was hiding something from her. I kind of approached it as, "well, I told you I needed my time to myself" BUT, I also told her that I was a little bit of a freak (in a non-destructive way) and I told her that she was welcome to inquire about it, but that it was just my little thing and she can choose to stay away from it and not even bother her with knowing about it. I told her that it IS what it IS, take it or leave it, but she doesn't even have to know or worry about it because it will never affect her.

I managed to peak her curiosity, and after much begging, I finally gave in and told her that I enjoy roaming around in my imagination once and a while, that it was a sexual outlet for me, and that I found it extremely satisfying and arousing to me. I invited her in, but told her that it was up to her, and that she could not hold it against me since she insisted on coming into that part of my life. She totally understood and by that time, loved me for everything, and was more than willing to be active in my DL because she DID love me so much and knew that I liked it so much.

I lucked out, but I did also do my share of strategic planning, adapting my strategy, and execution.

My particular strategy was to let her know that it was a huge stress reliever to me to wear at night. She knows that I have trouble sleeping, but when I wear, it helps me (like a blanky). This worked with her because she too has her possessions that help her, and she knows it not something that people out-grow, they just find ways to replace the blanket and pacifier... and that sometimes adults that CAN'T cope with the change end up relying on destructive things like drinking etc. She's cool with it because she knows that I choose not to drink to relieve stress because it's destructive, and that I wear a diaper because it helps me and doesn't hurt anyone. It helps that she also thinks it's kind of cute and she likes to pat my thick crinkle butt. She's very maternal which helps my (non-creepy) baby side come out around her. but I also don't push it too far to creep her out. You have to exercise restraint just like with anything!

[diaperboyMKE]

OH, one other thing I HAVE to throw in there.... what ever you do!!!! DO NOT do anything that could be used against you if things go south! Keep your secret safe, don't put anything in writing (no pictures of you etc). I've seen things go sour and secrets like this come back and bite people in the ass (HARD). Keep it so that if you guys break up, anything she says about your secret can be brushed off as an attempt by a bitter ex to mess with you. This is REALLY hard to do if she's got pictures of you in a diaper or a hundred text messages from you in baby-talk, telling her ew were a bad boy and ew just messed your diaper. I had an ex eventually give up because every attempt she made to "tell" people that I would come to bed with a diaper sound like a bad attempt to lie about me. I would respond to people with "WTF? Seriously? How the F*ck did she come up with that? Can't she come up with something a little more believable like that she caught me wearing her bra and panties or something?" Everyone she told ended up laughing and brushed it off. I wouldn't have been able to pull that off if she had pictures to back it up.

[dl10956]

That's fantastic about her being so accepting. I found it kind of interesting, too, that you let her come to you about the whole situation. Good move on your part.

[lilannie]

I found my partner on diaperspace and know of plenty of other diaper couples. I think it's possible but you have to be realistic especially if you want it to work out. You need to realize that the basis of your relationship has to be your chemistry and your lifelong interests, not just diapers. You have to be able to communicate, and share with each other. You need to have a lot of things in common and a basic understanding of human sexuality. It's not all about "giveme,giveme,giveme", it's about everything involved in being in a relationship, kinky or not. It takes work but it can happen.