It's The End Of The World As We Know It

[DL-CanesFan]

With so many wild predictions of how and when the world ends, I find it's kind of funny. I mean we probably will never be able to stop it when it happens, nor will we really know when or how. But it's always fun to find out what other people think!! So...... I'm spinning the wheel of public opinion!

Let us hear how and when you think armageddon will fall upon our planet.

I think in a few thousand years, we will probably get hit by something large floating around in space like an asteroid or comet that isn't watching where it's going.

[guitar_a_goo_goo_ga]

once my doomsday device is complete....muwhahahaha

[diaperdanger]

This is easy. The world will come to an end in the year 34,856,212. How do I know this? Because the moon is gradually making it's way towards the sun and will eventually hit it. When that happens the sun will explode and we will all die.

As for guitar's doomsday device, I'm not worried at all. Guitar will just about finish it and then get drunk and ignite the primer on his device. After the small explosion from the primer, he will get pissed off and drink more beer. He will then sell the remaining parts in Mexico and make enough money to start a real brewery. He will then become a millionaire and spend the rest of his life wearing diapers and drinking.

[Kanji]

How the World will End, According to Kanji and her Divine Wisdom:

Alright so there are many thoeries concerning armogedden, such as meteors, the moon crashing into us, the Earth falling out of orbit and freezing, the sun exploding and burning us all into tastey human strips, even all out nuclear war. But I know differently, its just a matter of knowing common trends.

You see, after right now there is a secret coalition of soldiers who hate reality television with a vehement passion equal only to the religious crusades. Soon enough they will have gained enough might to launch an attack against all the public broadcasting companies effectively wiping reality television off the face of the earth in place of old shows since there wouldn't be enough budget to produce all new shows after the bloody and costly war.

Anyway, while some will support this, the majority of the United States and the rest of the world (Since we import many of our shows to other countries anyway.) will be inclined to hate this new change in telivision. Unfortunately this will cause a split among the world leaders who will immedietly begin arguing about what to do about the entertainment crisis. However due to the fact that we're currently in a cowboy-esque regime, Bush will suggest that all the leaders meet up for a gunfight in an abandoned city near Austin Texas. Stupidly enough they'll all agree and in the process slaughter eachother until only Syria stands.

Unfortunatlely Syria is not a good world leader and thus throws the world into chaos, taxes rise, women begin aborting babies left and right, the seas boil, and everything generally goes to hell. After finding the leader of Syria dead in his bathtub days later, the world further finds itself in turmoil, in one last ditch effort they break out the old episodes of Survivor and begin watching it world wide. This of course leads to the final battle as the world begins to split up on who should have won the series.

Cue the post apocolyptic future where there is no water and everyone eventually dies out from starvation three years later making way for a race of sentient roaches to inhabit the ruins of our old cities and eventually create a utopia that we can never be a part of.

[DL-CanesFan]

once my doomsday device is complete....muwhahahaha

Let me guess... as soon as your Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator arrives from Acme....

I'll just say...Remember what Acme did to Wile E. Coyote

[jessm5]

To paraphrase George Carlin,

The WORLD is not coming to an end any time soon. HUMANS, may be in danger, but the Earth will still be here.

[guitar_a_goo_goo_ga]

george carlin is great. ive seen him in concert just after he released braindroppings. great mind great comedian

he tells it like it is and how he sees it. i love him. i got all 3 of his books

[DL-CanesFan]

".....and the stewerdess says 'Get on the plane' and I say 'Fuck you! I'm getting IN the plane with all you uniformed people!"

I think we all like George Carlin. He seems to be an Equal Opportunity Offender!

[guitar_a_goo_goo_ga]

"let evil kanevil get ON the plane i'm getting in the plane!"

i love him. needless to say he isnt the only comedian i love but he is great.

[DL-CanesFan]

Dane Cook Is pretty good, too.

-"My friends all come into town and the first thing they say to me is 'Dude where's the chicks? Chicks, dude Chicks!' like we can just walk into Walgreens and go 'So where do you keep the chicks? Aisle 5? Ok dudes lets go pickup some chicks"

-"In the future, everything will be instant. What's for dinner.... *bzzzt! Bye, mom! I'm going out....*bzzzt! But the DMV will still take like nine fucking seconds. NINE SECONDS! COME ON! Iv'e gotta be at work in three seconds!"

[guitar_a_goo_goo_ga]

I HATE YOU, GO SWALLOW A KNIFE!

haha yes he is good too

[jessm5]

Dane Cook rocks my world.

He has so many good bits, but I love the one about his dream house and especially his trap door that leads to a pit of marshmallows. On one hand you're pissed because you just got sent through a trap door. But, how mad can you be if you land in a pit of marshmallows?

[Morv]

Our world? You mean YOUR world. My planet was destroyed over a thousand years ago. That is why my people are here.

Kanji, I never realized your race puts so much value on reality television. Your theory... is far fetched, but the motivating factors are revealing.

[diapers_ds1]

THIS is how the "world" is gonna end........The US will enter Iran in the year 2006, we will then take them over and start heading into the middle east. The rest of the world will mostly join us under one HUGE world power, but we wont be able to stop them pesky north koreans from drilling into the cnter of the earth in the year 2015 and detonating a 1,000,000,000 megaton nuclear war head......the earth will then rent apart in North Korea and it will cause the end of the world as we know it.

[PeeHD]

Nope, this is how it will end:

End of the World

(it's a long load, but if you want to know the anwer, it's worth waiting)

/doc

[Morv]

That's good stuff.

WTF mate?

[DL-CanesFan]

Actually, to comment on the start of this, there is a near Earth object that has a 1 in 100,000,000,000 chance of hitting earth scientists say.(can't remember what news agencey I heard it from. Reuters?) But we all know while those are damning odds from an astronomical standpoint, that most scientists aren't as sure as we are.

[Khoraz]

With how much coal we burn and the rising amount of pollution we are creating I would give it less than 100 years. We just now statrted getting into alternative environmentally friendly fuels but it is already too late. The damge is done and we are in trouble .

[Valentine]

I've done all of the calculations and the world ended last Tuesday.

[Chloe]

Come off it we all know how it will end

The earth will be destroyed to make way for a hyperspace bypass

Chloe

[diapereddown]

nope i agree with valentine the world did infact end the other tuesday while we were all doing other stuff we neglected to pay attention to the world ending....

shame..

at one point it was such a pretty world.

diapereddown.

[scardykat]

The world will never end. Dosen't anybody watch Star Trek? geez, they are a buncha years in the future and they still have earth!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your diapers and slide on the ice.

[runaway]

Hmmmmm,… Hmmmm,… … … hmmm … … … things that make ya go hmmm

Let-me-think … end of the Earth huh? Welp, I really dunno. The end of the Earth duzn’t have to be the end of humankind though … you just asked about armageddoning our planet.

I think there is a top, top, secret (the top secret above the top secret) named Jiffy Pop Top Secrets of Secrets (the JPTSS), cuz we all know jiffy pop pops the highest of all the pops … this name will throw off any suspicions because who would use such an obvious name?

This agency knows exactly what the expiration date of Earth is … cuz like all great products, it is labeled SOMEWHERE on the package. If it isn’t, you get a refund and a free coupon … I’m not so sure about the Inner/Outer space customer service, but it has to be better than most; as it has control of all the satellites … except for the Russian and Korean spy ones we are not supposed ta know about (the cahootin scoundrels)

Well, as they already know that the Earth is gonna prolly do one of several things … blow up, not blow up, hyper-magnetize, hypo-magnetize, radiate all life out of everything, or perhaps begin to rot from the inside out like bad fruit … (that’s why many places are beginning to smell bad … this agency covers it up by building dumps and landfills so you have a more obvious cause for the stench).

Well, they are building a habitat for humanity on Mars right now … under the existing habitat for humanity organization – collecting tax dollars and donations … if you read the fine print it is spelled out plan as day. They are pretending to use the funds to rebuild New Orleans, and Mississippi after Katrina … and that other place the tsunami hit … but really they are using the funds to build a place on Mars that will sustain human life.

For more information about this JPTSS project, contact Ronald McDonald … oh yeah, don’t you think it is odd that McDonalds has suddenly incorporated apples and healthy junk into their menu? They want you to think our governments are in forcing healthier standards … nooooo … those apples and granola and other “healthful” stuffs they have are all grown on Mars … and introducing the genetics to mutate human genes in such a way that we will be ready to live on Mars when our planet rots … or does whatever it does to ensure we have to live sumplace else.

Now if you will excuse me, I have a Happy Meal I need to finish…

[DL-CanesFan]

I've done all of the calculations and the world ended last Tuesday.

Thank God it's over now.

Pretty painless, too.

Any one up for drinks?