Therapy Session

[KittenAB]

I have lived with depression for a long time, since I can remember, due to a misdiagnosis when I was really young and forced to take medications that were not right in any way. Now I haven't "conquered" it, far from it, you never get rid of something like this. However I have learned to manage aspects of it, and I noticed that many on here with the problem have yet to get to even my level of management so I will share what I have learned from it.

First, ditch the false need to be with people, you don't need other people. One close friend and maybe a few associates is all you ever need, and even that you could live without. There are too many problems with having too many close friends, worse if dating. If you are "happy in love" then that's great, but if you feel like there's something wrong in the relationship more than not, break it off and learn to be alone. My best friend calls it "learning to love yourself first," which is close. You learn to break the stigma programmed into you by society really. The most important thing is that you really don't need their "drama" and if you become too dependent on them you will eventually be hurt worse. Things change, so do people. I'm not saying stay alone forever without any human contact, just limit how close you get to other people. I had too many friends before, and it wound up being the biggest trigger for my depression with no benefit. Now I have one best friend, whom I can talk to about anything at any time, and a bunch of associates, people who you know and even hang out with but don't share much with them.

The second lesson I learned is goals. Set goals, no matter how meaningless they are to you or anyone else, even a meaningless goal can have more meaning when you feel down. Beating video games is my most common goal, I buy cheap video games and set my goal to completing it. Turns out while trying to complete this goal you will find yourself taking care of needs just so you can complete the goal, yes that means you have to become obsessed with things but it's a small price to pay. Lots of people find craft projects to make great goals to, learn a new language, anything that takes more than a day (hopefully) works. The odd thing I've found is that goals don't even have to be achievable, something you can never do makes a great goal if you can make yourself obsessed with it enough. Because of depression you don't have to worry about becoming too obsessed, that's one of the effects of depression which is normally looked at as bad, but you can turn many "drawbacks" into "benefits" if you figure out how.

Which leads to the third lesson, find ways to make drawbacks into benefits. This is the hardest part and I have only figured out how to turn one drawback into a benefit.

[diaperpt]

Kitten, this sounds like excellent advice.

Some people do need lots of friends, but I suspect most with depression are people who need a few good friends.

The point about finding a way to get something good out of something that is not, IS very difficult. And you've said it well. You can't turn something bad into good, but with some thoughtfulness, you may be able to find something good that is maybe an indirect good.

Knowing these lessons and being able to apply them in your own life is often difficult, but it is certainly important to know them and work at applying them - that in itself (the trying to make them work) is a wonderful goal!

[sarah_ab]

nice post! although i will mention the info there is relevant to all people, not just someone with depression!!!

everyone should set goals and realize they don't HAVE to have someone else in their life to be happy and healthy.

[KittenAB]

nice post! although i will mention the info there is relevant to all people, not just someone with depression!!!

everyone should set goals and realize they don't HAVE to have someone else in their life to be happy and healthy.

That's true, but as I said, I lived with depression for a long time and noticed that when I managed to finally get to this point, it helps a lot more than I imagined, and others who have also managed to make these changes in their lives also living with it have also seen improvements. It's not a cure, nothing is, not even medication. However the biggest triggers for those with depression turn into mountains while to most people they are just hills. The truly odd thing is that the people I learned this from were those I lived with in the shelter while I was homeless, some very valuable lessons can come from unexpected places.

[curiositykilledthecat]

Did the depression thing for several years as a teenager, possibly earlier. I started getting over it when I finally learned to stop caring what people think and altering what I thought of myself. I still have esteem issues, however I know that I can overcome any challenge in the end. sometimes we all lose site of this. I have a lot of ongoing dillemas as he past few years I've finally been able to really start to figure out who I am. I got ways to go, however I see the steps I need to take to get there.

[Bettypooh]

....First, ditch the false need to be with people, you don't need other people....

.... The most important thing is that you really don't need their "drama" and if you become too dependent on them you will eventually be hurt worse....

....Set goals, no matter how meaningless they are to you or anyone else, even a meaningless goal can have more meaning when you feel down....

....find ways to make drawbacks into benefits. This is the hardest part and I have only figured out how to turn one drawback into a benefit.

Overall I agree But since people are different, nothing is set in concrete when it comes to depression. For instance, one of my problems was a limited social atmosphere- ie too few people in my life- the exact opposite of what you proclaim Hermits have problems too, and I was that hermit inside once even though I got around quite a bit. My needs are different than yours- I need real people and thought I didn't; but I must choose good people who aren't going to hurt me and walk away from those who do. Their loss, not mine

I did learn to avoid 'drama' as you put it- that too was a major prob for me I was immersed deeply in troubles that I had to be shown couldn't affect me in the end I am a deeply caring person when I care at all, so I have to watch that I don't get too deep in things that don't really matter, or it may trigger yet another episode

Goals are important, but know their value and don't set ones that are too hard to reach Not being able to reach a goal is depressing too. I had to give up one goal that I desperately want because to attain it would destroy almost everything else in my life. I can reach it but the price is too high, so I let fate have a hand- if it's meant to happen then it will If not, I know how to manage my life and my depression without it. I will be OK no matter what because I refuse to take any other results.

Part of working out your depression is reworking your perspective How you see things changes what you see, so drawbacks may not be drawbacks from another perspective. And even if they are, don't let the drawbacks run things- find a way to work around them and keep on going in the right direction

....I got ways to go, however I see the steps I need to take to get there.

That matters Just keep on heading in that direction. Baby steps are still steps and any progress is still progress.

There's a lot more to dealing with Clinical Depression well than many people think- especially those who don't experience it. It spans and affects your entire life and that's why it's so important to deal with it well. Sharing with others who understand helps. Let them help carry your burden awhile when it becomes too much for you- and do the same for them. Together we can do almost anything

Bettypooh

[curiositykilledthecat]

Advice is a lot like therapy, what works for one, may not work for another. I ave a lot of underlying emotional issues and thus see where a lot of my infantilist tendencies are coming from. I know I need to make the right friendships/relationships and surround myself with people who will be a support network, not just those who only pull on me. I have friends who pull on me meotionally and others trhat only call when they need something physically. i'm getting kind of tired of both crowds.