Depression

[aleyxsis]

How come i meet women who say they are crazy enough to acceppt me then try to make me more manly and normal im nooooooot normal dammit i can not change !!!. Well i am normal on this board lol

[curiositykilledthecat]

I'm just a magnet for crazy shit all the time. Got a friend fighting with my gf's alters and she's arguing with them and I'm stuck in the damn middle of all this shit. I swear my autobiography is gonna be awesome.

[aleyxsis]

I'm just a magnet for crazy shit all the time. Got a friend fighting with my gf's alters and she's arguing with them and I'm stuck in the damn middle of all this shit. I swear my autobiography is gonna be awesome.

i'll buy the book when you write it curi, sounds like it would be to crazy to put down !

[curiositykilledthecat]

Well whenever I write it, it's going to be titled "OOPS" and the first chapter is going to be "Don't Eat the Scone"

[Lanthey]

Sorry, I haven't read all the replies to this post (It's almost 3am... I need sleeps) But I really wanted to reply.

This time last year I was depressed, really depressed. There seemed like there was no way out. Easter last year something triggered something in my memory and it caused me to remember something that happened to me as a teenager that I had somehow managed to block out. It got to October last year (I was due to be married in December) when my fiance snapped. He basically told me to get over it, it was in the past, get over it. Sounds harsh and instigative bit actually that's what I needed. I made the decision that it was not going to bother me any more, being depressed wasn't going to change anything... I'm a Christian and believe in forgiving people so I managed to track down the person who raped me and I forgave them. Genuinely forgave them and a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I got married in December with a smile on my face. Hurray.

I could have probably worded this better if I were not so tired and I'm sorry for rambling.

What I'm trying to say to you all is that, try deciding to be happy... It's not easy you need to really persevere with it but I found it worked.

Bed time now nini

[dpfrichard]

I have been dealing with depression for at least 15 years. About 10 years ago I did go to a doctor about it due to my suicidal tendencies being harder and harder to control and he prescribed Wellbutrin. Took it for about three weeks before I had a extremely bad reaction to it. Had an overwhelming urge to stab myself with a knife that I barely could control for three days -- it was so bad that my wife stayed home with me and watched me constantly. It felt like there were two people trapped in the body, one was the logical and the other wanted to grab the nearest knife and impale myself on it. Weird... Needless to say I went off the medication cold turkey and now I stay away from doctors...

So now I don't feel depression anymore. It is more of a scale of suicidal urges, some days it is easy to control, some days it goes away and some days it is the two people fighting each other, one is logical and the other wants to die NOW -- sort of like right hand trying to hold back the left hand, which is holding the knife (happened before).

Right now I am about a 5 on my suicidal scale (0-10, 0 is everything is fine, 10 is holding a gun to the head and pulling trigger scale), which is not bad and I can deal with it.

[Guest]

I also am a very depressed person, I haven't been to a doctor to have it checked out, but someday soon I will. With me, I can be fine one minute, and then totally snap at someone over something little the next. Aside from Depression, I also have anger management problems, but I have actually done a lot better in just the last week, I haven't really snapped at all on anyone. I want to try and see if I can beet this without having to see a doctor, but I will decide that in another week or 2. I am a little scared about taking any meds, but I think I should do something about this, it's been a problem my whole life ever since kindergarten, but I don't want to talk to much about what happened to me back then right now.

[dpfrichard]

I also am a very depressed person, I haven't been to a doctor to have it checked out, but someday soon I will. With me, I can be fine one minute, and then totally snap at someone over something little the next. Aside from Depression, I also have anger management problems, but I have actually done a lot better in just the last week, I haven't really snapped at all on anyone. I want to try and see if I can beet this without having to see a doctor, but I will decide that in another week or 2. I am a little scared about taking any meds, but I think I should do something about this, it's been a problem my whole life ever since kindergarten, but I don't want to talk to much about what happened to me back then right now.

When I get REALLY bad, I order a 30 day supply of generic Cymbalta from an online pharmacy (30mg, 100 count. Take 1 in morning, 1 at night). It costs about $60 and they tend to ignore the fact that I do not have a prescription. Really brings the edge down and allows me to actually function. Did save my life more than once...

BTW, if you come in unstable and extremely suicidal to a doctor here in U.S., they will NOT prescribe more than 2 weeks of medications since they want to monitor you. At $200 a visit, THAT gets expensive. Also the U.S. pharmacy price is $460 for 30 day supply. THAT is the reason why I do not have a prescription and order online -- been there, done that...

[Guest]

Thanks for the info, I notice I have actually been feeling better lately since I haven't had an energy drink in a while, I think the caffeine and sugar crash is whats setting me off.

I talked it over with my room mate, how I kinda got an attitude with him over the week end, but the rest of the time I was fine, the only time I had any caffeine and sugar this week was over the weekend. I'm also going to try a change in diet as well. It seems to be working so far.

[curiositykilledthecat]

I use the internet to help cope and blow off steam. Writing helps the mind change directions as well. Things tend toi get overwhelming, however take enough time to step back and things don't seem quite as bad.

[DL_DB]

Some people here are describing feeling bad after some severe stressors enter their life, such as losing a job, or a spouse, etc. That's perfectly normal.

It's the people like DD who are describing the symptoms without any proximate cause that worry me. If something is keeping you down, that can be addressed much more easily than if there is nothing you can pinpoint making you feel lousy. I occasionally belong to the second group. You can't just "decide to be happy." If it was that easy the problem wouldn't be so pervasive.

As for the people who have had bad reactions to certain medications, it happens. Nothing works perfectly for everyone, and there are a lot of anti-depressants out there that have the potential to work better for you. Not seeing your doctor again after one bad experience isn't helping you.

Drynot mentioned testosterone. Funny story: One time I was feeling very depressed, and I was doing what I do every time I feel depressed, sitting in my room and reading. I decided to read Fight Club, and decided that doing something manly would help me feel better. Not knowing where I could find someone to fight I went to the gym, and after lifting weights for about an hour, and really pushing myself, I felt quite a lot better. After doing a little research I determined it was due to the hormone boosting effects of exercise. Interesting how a proper diet and exercise really will cure a lot of problems.

[Lanthey]

You can't just "decide to be happy." If it was that easy the problem wouldn't be so pervasive.

I didn't say it was easy....

[curiositykilledthecat]

When I get REALLY bad, I order a 30 day supply of generic Cymbalta from an online pharmacy (30mg, 100 count. Take 1 in morning, 1 at night). It costs about $60 and they tend to ignore the fact that I do not have a prescription. Really brings the edge down and allows me to actually function. Did save my life more than once...

BTW, if you come in unstable and extremely suicidal to a doctor here in U.S., they will NOT prescribe more than 2 weeks of medications since they want to monitor you. At $200 a visit, THAT gets expensive. Also the U.S. pharmacy price is $460 for 30 day supply. THAT is the reason why I do not have a prescription and order online -- been there, done that...

It has nothing to do with the U.S. rather it's the American Psychiatric industry. Most of these doctors have a God complex or are doing what they do to run from their own problems.(okay I'm generalizing) I used to work in behavioral health and damn these guys and gals had big egos. No reason a shrink should ever get 150-300 an hour.

[curiositykilledthecat]

"Drynot mentioned testosterone. Funny story: One time I was feeling very depressed, and I was doing what I do every time I feel depressed, sitting in my room and reading. I decided to read Fight Club, and decided that doing something manly would help me feel better. Not knowing where I could find someone to fight I went to the gym, and after lifting weights for about an hour, and really pushing myself, I felt quite a lot better. After doing a little research I determined it was due to the hormone boosting effects of exercise. Interesting how a proper diet and exercise really will cure a lot of problems."

I take a testosterone supplement(Androgel) and ironically, not being on it can cause depression and being on it can cause depression. It appears that the medicine can also cause increased levels of blood sugar, so great one life long illness helped create another. My life is a long chain reaction of WTF, lol. I swear my timeline is going to look like a video clip of that game Burnout.

[dpfrichard]

It has nothing to do with the U.S. rather it's the American Psychiatric industry. Most of these doctors have a God complex or are doing what they do to run from their own problems.(okay I'm generalizing) I used to work in behavioral health and damn these guys and gals had big egos. No reason a shrink should ever get 150-300 an hour.

Actually the $200 was for a family physician visit (cash pay) and it was only for 15 minutes (!!!!). That is a standard price these days. Some offices will not even take cash pays -- go figure...

[curiositykilledthecat]

Well they suck where you live. My physician charges me a different rate if i mention i'm uninsured.(Well my endocrinologist)

Another thing pissing me off today is I existed my regular unemployment so instead of sendng me the EUC they just sent me the last 53 bucks of my regular unemployment. I live in ct, that barely buys gas.

[DailyDi]

I pay my shrink $85 and my Doc $45 - generally only the first appointment is expensive.

[Guest]

Well, today I'm feeling down. I want to get my drivers license so I can go somewhere with my life, but it seems everyone wants me to be stuck where I am so I can be their slave, and devote all my time to everyone else's needs. I work hard at what I do, in fact, I work too hard because it's all I know how to do, but no matter what, I just can't seem to get out. Not even my own biological mother wont help me, I asked if she could teach her own son how to drive and let me use her van to take the test, and she replies with "Why don't you take the bus?"

I don't even get a day off for all my hard work, I work 7 days a week, even holidays. Yet people seem to think that just because I ride my bicycle everywhere that I have a stress free happy go lucky life, but the truth is, I am very, very depressed.

Thank you Daily Di for starting this topic, it does make me feel better to talk about things on here.

[curiositykilledthecat]

All I ever wanted is someone who can provide stability, support and consistency. I get none of this currently and my head is ready to explode.

okay sometimes talking helps, I just don't like that I was being 'tested' last night. Trust isn't something I handle well.