What To Expect

[AbriForm]

BlakeJordan,

I wanted to congratulate you after reading that post... but you almost seem a bit depressed about losing control? Grass is always greener?

My advice: There are hundreds, if not thousands of people that will read your post... and dream of getting to where you've gotten. Don't worry about the "sense of permanence" - you can retrain your muscles. Instead of fretting, revel in your success!

[BlakeJordan]

BlakeJordan,

I wanted to congratulate you after reading that post... but you almost seem a bit depressed about losing control? Grass is always greener?

My advice: There are hundreds, if not thousands of people that will read your post... and dream of getting to where you've gotten. Don't worry about the "sense of permanence" - you can retrain your muscles. Instead of fretting, revel in your success!

Not depressed at all. In fact. I am finally at ease with the situation. Let me be clear. This is what I've been working for. Finally I'm able to get the rewards (the mental health benefits) I've finally overcome the mental and physical impasses that were stopping me.

My tone here has always been more to the facts. I've tried to leave my emotions out of it. As much as possible.

Though am I happy? Oh hell yeah. I did not spend 300 hours on research and many more just to be disappointed.

-Blake-

[Bettypooh]

Emotions are a part of living, so don't rule out their influence- celebrate them instead As long as you are aware of their influence on you they cannot harm you unless you let them How much of them you put into your writing is up to you, just don't omit them to the point where reading your finished journal becomes tedious and tiresome I like to "see the writer" through their expressed emotions and I think it helps people understand what you mean better May you reach and exceed all your goals in life!

Bettypooh

[BlakeJordan]

Betty. I get what your saying with all of this. I apologize. If my reading has become tedious. That has never been my intention. I will make an effort to write with more feeling.

One should also know that I will be rewriting this journal in a final form for the guide. This for me is a rough draft. A way to get things out. Get feedback etc.

Though I'll try and spice if up. Add some cayenne pepper in there. Haha!

Seriously though. The reasons the emotion out of it was at first to be a no b/s guide. Something that someone could skim through quickly.

Though I can get personal. I'm anything but shy.

This being said. In response to your question on if my bladder was full. I has just used the restroom within 5 minutes. Was getting water. And the training kicked into effect. Try as I might to clench my bladder muscles. My bladder spasmed. And I could not stop.

Airing out is no longer possible.

The grass is greener on the other side has been said many times on this journey for this journey. Because of this choice. So many warnings are out there it's ridiculous.

Again. I'll be clear. I am without a doubt at ease with my choice. If anything could describe how I feel right now it is content. I think having to make that choice day in. Day out. Helps. Having to push through the mental blocks. The physical blocks.

One redefines themselves as incontinent at some point. It's not instant. It slowly emerged. Was shaped as part of my identity.

Could I ever see myself without wearing? No, not physically, nor emotionally. I've become dependent on both.

Things I wish I knew/had before.

Complete setup.

All my gear- it has been Really an expensive investment to get the right stuff, supplies etc.

Though I wish I had saved up and bought it all upfront.

Things that have helped.

Soakers/Doublers.

6 month supply of diapers

Well made and good fitting non sense onesies.

Plastic pants/lined.

Good supply of powders and creams etc

Durable protection for bed and furniture.

Dekor extra large diaper bin- life saver. So easy.

Odor control products.

Natural diuretics- as xpel. For breaking through barriers for Very Very short use.

Dandelion tea (good tasting from amazon)

Flushable wipes.

S.A.C. Incontinence bags for being out and about.

SensEpil for perm. Removal of hair. (reduces odor and bacteria) no razor burn or ingrown hair.

Good melatonin for night.

Baby-Pants.com hypnosis. Cheap. Effective.

Humility.

Pinwheel for diaper doubling.

--------------

I think I'm going to confine to post. Though as requested. I'll make it much more personal.

For those who care to continue to follow. Are welcome.

For those who want the polished piece. Can wait. This will be a sticky (already approved) with a link to my site, and a copy of my guide/journal. When you see that appear. Feel free to take a look.

Most I know would consider this journey complete. I want to see how far this goes.

In any case. I thank you for all your support.

-Blake-

[Creepymouse]

Thanks for your persistence and dedication to the topic. It would be really neat to hear what Alwayswet (the author of 12 month program) has to say about it now, years down the line.

Anyway, I always found 'airing out' to be easy enough, though it does require sitting on a towel or waterproof chair pad. It's not perfect but it does offer a bit of a chance to dry.

[Guest fakename7]

Blake,

Thank you for your continued posts! FWIW, talking about the emotions you go through during this process is a great support for others. As committed as i am to reaching my goal, i also know there are days when i want to give up----or even days when the idea of actually reaching my goal temporarily scares the hell out of me. i'm guessing every person actively working for incontinence goes through those feelings, and it helps to see that it IS temporary, you can get past it, etc.

You mentioned:

SensEpil for perm. Removal of hair

Can you elaborate a bit? Personally, i've wanted permanent removal of my diaper area hair for years, regardless of whether i'm going to be diapered or not. It just feels good to me, to be completely smooth there. So far though, the only permanent solution i've seen is laser treatments, which would be outrageously expensive.

[BlakeJordan]

Thanks for the feedback. I will keep that in mind.

Ya. It has been, quite scary. The biggest thing was all this work feeling like I had reached an impasse.

When I did get to that point I did a lot of soul searching. Reflecting. Mediation. Quite a bit of time out of diapers. About 4 weeks during the day. By that point I was wetting the bed. So it helped me not to slip back too too much.

Something I kept in mind was that ... Ok. You become incontinent. Then what?

Seriously though. A good friend reminded me of this.

I've worked to get to this point as hard and quickly as possible. But now it's like... Hmmm now what?

I think I have a system for writing the guide finally. The forum will come later. However will be able to get guide up and running at least.

As for the SensEpil. I lucked out with a Groupon and got it half off

I did quite a bit of research on the topic and settled on this product. Seemed to be the most heavy duty combined with best results and most durable. Granted its quite expensive.

I've just started using it. And can say so far I'm happy with it. I was immediately able to put it on the highest setting. And started to see results after the 3rd session.

I imagine it will be another 10 more before I can taper off.

One nice thing is that there are no bumps. Unlike razors etc. it is extremely smooth.

I know that I went for some higher end items here. Though I also went for a lifetime.

I think the worst is behind me. I feel I've finally adjusted to the things. I know I keep saying that. However at this point it's just nitpicking. Waiting for body to stop changing for the most part.

This whole thing has been ups and downs. Any advice I would give on one sentence would be. Do what is right for you, be patient, and beyond anything else keep it fun.

-Blake-

[Dill_Pickle]

Hey blake, high end is nice stuff. Whats your source for onsies?

[BlakeJordan]

I got both my onesies and my lined plastic pants from babykins.com. They've held up wash after wash and the measurements have been right on. Very durable. Takes a bit to ship. Though worth the wait.

-Blake-

[Bettypooh]

Blake, your posts do have emotion; my comments were meant to indicate that kind of thing is good, even in writing a technical guide, so long as you don't let emotion override fact You've got a good balance now- keep it

A bit on hair reduction-

Permanent:

Electrolysis- When properly done it works excellently but is slow, costly, and can be painful. Results are mainly dependent on the skill of the Tech. Fewer of these shops, and a small ratio of them who will work 'down there'. Those who will are often the best Techs!

Laser- Some of the newer Lasers work well, but older ones are often im-permanent in results. Otherwise results are dependent on high contrast between hair and skin, having dark hair (will not work on light colored hair), quick and somewhat affordable. Tech-dependant to a smaller degree. With more shops, it's easier to find someone to work 'down there'. Research the equipment well here, looking for people who are happy with the results 3+ years after the last treatment; bad equipment or bad Tech's results won't last that long!

Temporary:

Chemical- DIY and can be effective if used regularly. Be careful to test before general use- chemicals can burn the sensitive skin here! Cheap, common, and as easy as it gets.

Epilation- These machines can be somewhat effective, but can be too painful for many people 'down there'. Can cause permanent ingrown hairs years later, but usually a very small proportion at worst. Good Epilators can cost over $100 USD. Will slow, but not stop, hair growth. Look for a used one on Craigslist to save money and sterilize before use.

Tweezing- Same as epilation, just a lot slower

Shaving- Can feel too itchy for some, but no long-term harm. Use a sharp, sterile razor blade, as nicks can cause skin infection among all the nasties in your diaper! A sharp razor actually lessens the risk of nicks, as a dull razor requires more pressure to work.

All methods: Always test a small area first for anything new, and be prepared to deal with pain and itching for several days if the worst happens. Sterility is paramount due to the environment; think near-surgically sterile as a minimum. Ask around for more than a few opinions on the results; results can be all over the map. Not everything works the same for everyone. After-care in the form of Aloe Vera Gel helps lessen pain and is good for the skin. If the skin becomes damaged, wait till it heals before resuming treatment.

I find shaving works fine for me, and I get 7-10 days before regrowth is an issue. It felt itchy the first few times but not so bad and now all I feel is smoothness afterward Keeping the diaper area hairless allows better cleaning, which in turn reduces the chances of rashes considerably. It also reduces odor since the bacteria which assists in creating these has fewer places to hide. The other benefits are more esoteric but nice After a while without hair 'down there' you will probably like it so much you will keep it that way forever

Bettypooh

[Guest fakename7]

At this point, i rely on chemical dipillatory. The absolute BEST product i've found is BallsBalm (ballsbalm dot com). It's made specifically for "down there," and along with being the right strength, it comes with a soothing lotion to use after. i'm pretty sure the lotion contains something to inactivate/neutralze any remants of the remover, which is a great thing. No bumps, never a cut, and perfectly smooth. Yes, you need to be careful and not keep it on too long, etc., but i haven't had much trouble at all with that.

i'd still much prefer to find a permanent solution that i could afford, though, diapered or not!

[BlakeJordan]

I Need some input here folks, as well as I'm coming to the end... My end of the journey.

I'm not sure what exactly my body is telling me here.

For the past week or so there has been a drastic pickup in bladder spasms. Both frequency, duration as well as intensity. They almost feel like long cramps and are on the verge of being painful.

While my average fluid intake right now is between 72-90 oz. my caffeine intake has dropped.

I will also note that I doubt it's a uti as I've never been prone to those, and never had a single one in my life. I will keep an eye on it though.

Any thoughts are appreciated.

I will note that it is getting to the point during the day which I spoke of previously. Where urine forces itself ourself without warning on its own without warning. It is looking like my timeline is going to be right around six months for the effects I want.

At this point, I'm going to start working on the guide (Gasp!) I have a backend in place, and it's just getting it written, organized and put in place.

I hope to have the site up by end of Feb.

At that point my journey should be complete for the intents and purposes of this journal and that site/guide.

At this point I invite you to start thinking and asking questions if you have any. Comment etc.

I have thoroughly enjoyed my time here. My journey and thank every single one of you for your support.

Over the next couple months I will post less and less, be in responsive mode rather than updating mode. Working on getting the guide up and what not.

I still ask for feedback here, and will do my best to incorporate everything I can into the final product.

I don't plan on taking off after this, and will be sticking around at DD.

Come Feb. I will post a retrospective here, as well as my site, on the six month journey.

I could not have done this without your support. So I thank you.

For all of those of you who wonder do I wish I had done this.. I can answer with the following.

It has been a rough journey. Though most things in life doing are not quick, and easy it was as much about the process as the destination, each day, each action reinforced why I was doing what I was doing. I had every chance to turn back. I chose not to. I am happier than I have been in years. Mentally and physically more stable than I have been in years. I am more true to myself than ever beforehand, and am holding down a job, a first In a long while for me. I am using infantilism and diapers as a tool to enhance my life, cope with my mental health, and keep me at a stable state emotionally day in, day out. It's the first time in 15 years I can say that I am stable emotionally on my own, without the assistance of mental health medication for over a year now, without incident for over four years. I have the support of my doctors and psychiatrist in the move to go off Meds, and have been closely monitored. As well as have eliminated the nasty physical side effects ive dealt with due to medication side effects. So absolutely no regrets. I could not be happier with the outcome.

Thanks again for all the support.

It's been one heck of a journey.

-Blake-

[Dill_Pickle]

Blake, that is an MD question about spasms....and while you may not have had UTIs before, you might want to see if treating youself as a UTI sufferer might help....add pure cranberry juice....possibly phenazopyridine , be aware your pee will turn orange and stain man-made fibers permanently.

[Creepymouse]

And there's always the OTC products that are supposed to help (mostly women) those who suffer frequent, mild UTI symptoms. AZO is a brand that comes to mind, but they have products for both yeast and UTI.

[Guest fakename7]

As for the SensEpil. I lucked out with a Groupon and got it half off

I did quite a bit of research on the topic and settled on this product. Seemed to be the most heavy duty combined with best results and most durable. Granted its quite expensive.

[Blazey]

I've been following this thread for a long time. I've been 24-7 for 50 days as of today. There was a lot of useful information here that aiding in

[growlycub]

Can we please have an update Blake? I'm very curious as to how it's all going..

[geegolly420]

Pinwheel for diaper doubling.

Hello Blake Ive enjoyed reading your thread. I had a question in regards to a pinwheel. The only pinwheels I am aware of are the ones on a stick with blades and made for spinning. What use is this for double diapering? Thanks

[wolfpup2008]

Regarding the pinwheel: I am guessing that it is used to create many small holes in the plastic layer of the inner diaper so that it leaks to the outside diaper.

[Creepymouse]

They may be found under BDSM toys (and medical instruments) and are known as Wartenberg Wheels.

[Bettypooh]

A 'oinwheel' is also used in sewing to trace out a pattern onto cloth It's a star-shaped wheel on a handle that you roll along, leaving perforations where you've been with it. Lots of things have neat (and naughty) purposes beyond their original intent

[geegolly420]

Thanks bettypooh and creepymouse, you guys are awesome.

[BlakeJordan]

Okay guys. Time for a long overdue update. I'll star on why I've been absent.-serious health issues. Mainly vertigo, making me unable to even be able to walk for over three months. During that period. I was on again off again with trying to stay focused, and committed. I will admit that I took a few breaks. Mainly because I washes unable to move, get out, and change easily. It was logical at that point to focus on health. That being said. Even on the days that I took breaks, I still tried to at least maintain where I was, in terms of progress. At this point I've moved across town, and am neighbors with a best friend, who happens to know about the DL side of me, and what I am trying to accomplish. She is also very supportive. This has helped recently. And to be fair, although I was in a kind of stalled out state for several months, mainly due to health, I'm finally making good progress again. Wetting every night. Wetting a couple times a day without noticing. (what would be considered, the finishing and then noticing) Average of about 10 min. Between wettings. Constant leaking, between that 10 minute period. Barely notice other wettings. Does not matter where or who I am with. I think there comes a point where things stall out. The body has to catch up with the mind. s much as you train yourself mentally, you still have to wait for the physical changes to take effect. I honestly think that to get to the "not knowing state" which is beyond the 12 month program. We Are looking at years. It s interesting. There is so much that goes into this. You become, hyper-aware of what your body is doing. Trying to be aware, but not pay attention. Until suddenly, you aren't. You think that awareness will never go away. Then one day, it fades into the background. I want to apologize for the lack of updates. I was at the point where I could literally not think straight for several months. In any case, I'm doing well now, and am back on track, feel free to ask any more questions. -Blake-

[Dill_Pickle]

BlakeJordan

Keeping yourself healthy IS the most important thing! Thanks for the update!

[Inconito]

Blake,