Need Help

[vintagepicture]

Alright, where do I start other then I need help or advice. Me and my boyfriend moved in together a few months ago. I fully knew that he is a dl and had no problem with it...at first. He hasn't done anything since we started dating over a year ago and now its everyday that he is wearing and stealing my stuff animals to sleep with. I wouldn't have a problem with it but its cutting into my bedroom life. He knows that I'm not in to it but lately its making me sick. I love him more then the world and I support who he is and whatever he wants but I don't know what to do anymore. Talking is not something I can do since he thinks it will be attacking him and everything, but I don't know how to go about getting thing figured out. Pleasse if anyone has any adivce, please help me out.

[nappyness]

Alright, where do I start other then I need help or advice. Me and my boyfriend moved in together a few months ago. I fully knew that he is a dl and had no problem with it...at first. He hasn't done anything since we started dating over a year ago and now its everyday that he is wearing and stealing my stuff animals to sleep with. I wouldn't have a problem with it but its cutting into my bedroom life. He knows that I'm not in to it but lately its making me sick. I love him more then the world and I support who he is and whatever he wants but I don't know what to do anymore. Talking is not something I can do since he thinks it will be attacking him and everything, but I don't know how to go about getting thing figured out. Pleasse if anyone has any adivce, please help me out.

you need to sit down and talk to him, it sounds like he is insecure at the moment, good dialoge is the key, you might want to sugest counciling, that was one path I found quite helpful, and even the crisis team i spoke to now have an understanding of abdl, its a thought, I do hope you are able to resolve this with your boyfriend, hang in there hun

[Snugglebug]

A little point of clarification is needed here: are you bothered by the fact that he wears diapers, that he isn't meeting your adult needs, or a combination of both? If the first (or mostly the first), things get a little rough. Something a desire to wear diapers is NOT a thing that can be easily discarded (believe me, I've tried). It WILL be something you will need to adapt to if you want to keep a relationship with him, although there may be some room for compromise. The one thing to keep in mind is that nobody can truly love anybody in slices: there will always be something about the one person that the other will dislike and vice versa. One of the big tests for any long term relationship is finding the means for each partner to cope with the other's differences. Relationship counselling can help.

Things may be a little easier if it's mostly a matter of unfulfilled needs. Unless he only gets interested when there are diapers involved, or he doesn't seem very interested at all, a simple matter of compromise may solve the problem. Talk to him openly about your needs. If this doesn't work, or he seems unable to fulfill them, again, counselling may be in order. (On a special note, if he seems completely disinterested in sex, it may be worth it for both of you to do a little research on 'asexuality'.)

(As with all pieces of well-intentioned advice, these are all but suggestions.)

[brendan]

I agree., you guys need to sit down together and have an honest chat. just tell him what your feeling , but not in a way which he might construe it as he's being attack or persecuted. just tell him your feelings. if he can't deal then thats his problem. you shoulldn't have to be in a relationship thats 1 sided. no one should. and i speak from personal experience

[rickibrat2]

you need to talk about yes

but the sad fact is you are going to make a choice on how much you love him, and hope he changes some time in the future as right now he is only concerned with his needs and not yours need

but you also are going to find this very common with young AB's and even older ones

[vintagepicture]

Sorry if I wasn't being very clear before on the matter, I guess I was nervous about posting. Plus I would like to thank those who did reply to the post.

I guess...I'm still dealing with the whole idea and world of dl's. I keep coming back to the message boards and websites hope to get something, because my boyfriend is not one to really open up to me. It's as though I'm have to magical understand him, when in fact I don't all the time. So talking is not something that is going to do it here and I know that is what everyone is most likely going to say about it. Instead I'm learning to just go with the flow even if there are rapids ahead.

Again I do thank those who did reply to the first post and hope everyone is doing great themselves.

[Snugglebug]

What is this 'something' you are looking for?

Communication is such a hugely important part of making a situation like this work for both people involved. Now, from what you're showing here, you're trying to be open and understanding of his needs, but he's not helping you do that. (Kinda counter-intuitive, really.) Maybe try opening up with something like "I need your help to understand your needs." If he cannot/will not open up, he is doing both you and him a huge disfavour.