Coming Out Advice

[Mischa]

After first getting up the courage to join this site, and then embracing the AB side I had been repressing for years, then finally taking what little extra money I have and buying baby stuff. Now the time has come for me to emerge slightly from the closet.

Wednesday, when I go to my grandparent's for Thanksgiving (it'll be just me and them) I plan on telling them about how I've been managing my stress and about all the great friends I have made in this community in just the short time I've been a part of it. I know telling someone besides the one friend I have already told will be a bit more liberating. I also want to tell my dad this Sunday when I go to his house and would rather have someone there for support that I trust.

Though I know letting them see who I have buried deep down could lead to them looking down on me, I believe it is the best way to go. They've always cared for and about me, and have seen some of the stuff I've had to go through and I think that will help them to see that for me, it's not about getting my rocks off, that it's about wanting or more importantly needing to feel wanted and loved by a mommy, since I've been pretty much deprived of that for as long as I can remember from biomom.

What I'd like to know is, do any of my fellow ABs have words of wisdom for coming out to the biofam?

[Jabez]

I came out to my family several years back. The only advice that I have is to make sure they know it's a part of who you are and it can't be helped. Don't act like you're ashamed of it, otherwise they'll pick up on that and act accordingly and in much the same fashion. Be proud of who you are and make sure they know that.

[fluff]

I'd think, then double think, then check it just a third time before making sure this is the right thing for you.

I'm not saying it is or isn't but be careful.

One would hope they have an understanding anyway, that they already "sort of know" but in telling them out right you may not get the exact responce you really want. Possibly causing you more stress.

But if you do, all credit to you and I hope it goes as well as you hoped.

[BabyTau]

argeed .just be very carefull when you tell em but i wish you good luck and hope it turns out okay for you ^^

hugs from baby tao

[Bettypooh]

....What I'd like to know is, do any of my fellow ABs have words of wisdom for coming out to the biofam?

I'll begin by passing along my general "Coming Out" advice.

First I don't recommend telling anyone who you don't believe with all your heart will keep your secret. If there's even the tiniest seed of doubt about this skip them and tell them later Until you're generally out already, you need to control the knowledge so that you can go forward in the manner you want to. Having your secret blabbed means having the 'well' of people in your life 'poisoned' ahead of you as bad people who don't understand or care get to them before you do and entice them to dump you for being so weird

Second is the 'need-to-know' thing- if they don't really need to know then why mention it to them? In reality coming out can hurt innocent people other than yourself, people who won't be able to understand and handle this(and there will always be some of these), people who otherwise love you deeply, and most importantly people who you love and don't want to hurt See their side fully before telling. By not telling even if they find out there is still the option to keep the relationship by simply avoiding the subject that could divide you. By telling you lose that chance.

Third and most important is this- Can you handle it if they laugh in your face, tell everybody who knows you, then everyone you know kicks you out of their houses and lives completely? Don't side-step the answer to that last one with something like "They'd never do anything like that"- imagine it happening because it's happened to others before you In every case fully consider what could happen if things went terribly wrong because sometimes it does.

Fourth is simple- Can this wait until you're in a better position to deal with it if it goes wrong? You are young with your whole life ahead of you and there will be plenty of time to tell them later on.

I know that coming out seems like it would be liberating (and it really is) but if things go wrong the reverse happens as your world falls apart and you're forced to become enslaved into taking whatever you can get just to survive. Either one can happen or something in between. Nobody- not even you- can know how it will go until it's over. Once you tell you can't take it back

Now after all that negativity let me show the bright side. Coming out is liberating and frees you from any guilt- even if that freedom comes with a price which it usually does. If you're hiding something you're vulnerable to coercion by others and being out proves the strength of your character- you aren't going to let others run your life like so many people do. Coming out opens doors to finding friends like yourself who can make your life better. Coming out makes you a better person as it gives you a known strength to deal with other tough issues that will be coming in life.

Based solely on your age I'd say wait if you can, not for any lack of maturity but because if your relationships are OK now, why risk losing a few more years of that? Wearing diapers can be discreet and if you do your part in keeping under the radar chances are excellent that you can wait until you have enough money to start a new life on your own if by the worst of luck everyone rejects you. As money is tight for you right now, what would you do if everything fell apart and you found yourself without a home or a single friend? I have watched that happen to two people already and it's not a pretty sight. I helped them all that I could (as did others) but nobody can give you an entire life- at best they can only help you along for a short time. I'm out to most of the people in my life as being TG- I've been that way for a long time and I can handle the responses. I'm not out as a DL because I know from experience that while it would make me feel better it would come with a cost that I don't want to pay. I can pay that price if I have to so nobody can blackmail me over this, but I'd rather stay under the radar so I can have the best that life has to offer me right now- which I've got with the way things currently are

Whatever you decide I wish you good luck with everything and a happy life!

Bettypooh

[Junibug 4 Lucy]

i wish you the beat of luck sweetie, i realy hope it goes well for you, xxx

rember we will always be here for you no matter what the outcome sweetie, but i do hope it goes well

*big hugs, and kisses*

Juniper

xxx

[Mischa]

The best thing I think I have going for me is I'm only going to be coming out to my grandparents and dad, I don''t live with them, so they can't kick me out. I don't plan on telling mom and grandma yet, because I DO live with them, and I want to have a job before I tell them. However, telling mom and grandma is more of an "asserting who I am" thing instead of what I want from my other grandparents and dad, acceptance, it doesn't matter if it's tacit or enthusiastic, but just someone to say, "Hey, it's okay if that's what you want to be" because I have rarely heard that from my family--these grandparents and my dad are the ones that have been the most accepting of me. I don't really care if mom doesn't accept me for me, because she never has to begin with, and I'm fairly certain that once I move out, our relationship is over.

The one person I told that I had a feeling would chuckle a bit about it was my best friend, he was indifferent, but I've told him that it really helps keep me on an even keel, and he's been accepting too.

If the worst happened, and I absolutely needed to move out, I do have a TV that i could get at least $500 for if not $1000. It's my trump card that if I ever am kicked out, the TV is mine, it's coming with me or being sold for cash.

[belinda_sue_fox]

My advice is a warm vest as it's winter.

[curiositykilledthecat]

The best thing I think I have going for me is I'm only going to be coming out to my grandparents and dad, I don''t live with them, so they can't kick me out. I don't plan on telling mom and grandma yet, because I DO live with them, and I want to have a job before I tell them. However, telling mom and grandma is more of an "asserting who I am" thing instead of what I want from my other grandparents and dad, acceptance, it doesn't matter if it's tacit or enthusiastic, but just someone to say, "Hey, it's okay if that's what you want to be" because I have rarely heard that from my family--these grandparents and my dad are the ones that have been the most accepting of me. I don't really care if mom doesn't accept me for me, because she never has to begin with, and I'm fairly certain that once I move out, our relationship is over.

The one person I told that I had a feeling would chuckle a bit about it was my best friend, he was indifferent, but I've told him that it really helps keep me on an even keel, and he's been accepting too.

If the worst happened, and I absolutely needed to move out, I do have a TV that i could get at least $500 for if not $1000. It's my trump card that if I ever am kicked out, the TV is mine, it's coming with me or being sold for cash.

I told you this in chat and I'll say it here, I do not recommend telling family members at all. You aren't really gaining anything by telling them. I understand the frustration of having to bottle it up, however you can do just as well by finding other abdl friends. It ain't easy however I got lucky and made a few.

[Guest Pizaz]

My parents found my stash when I was in high school. They never really confronted me about it, which to me means they didn't really want to know. My mom asked if I wet the bed, I said, "No, I just like them" and that was it. Trust me when I say this, I doubt your parents and grandparents really want to know, and you will likely feel a lot of embarassment after telling them. But it's your choice, so good luck.

[sarah_ab]

I've said this too... what exactly will telling them get you? DO you want to prance around in diapers in front of your grandparents and your father? Do you want them to buy you diapers? change your diaper? talk to you like you are a baby? Do you want to pee in your diaper while sitting watching tv with them?

What exactly about you wearing diapers do you need them to accept?

I ask this in all sincerity, what exactly do you mean by acceptance? WHy is it important that your family accepts how when and where you chose to pee? why is it important that your family accepts something you should only being doing in private? Whether this is sexual for you or not, other people are going to see it as a sexual fetish, and see you engaging in it as you engaging in fetish behavior in front of them.

How is telling your family going to help you accept yourself any more? Other people can accept you till the sun goes down, but it will do nothing to help you accept yourself!

Do you tell your family every single thought that comes through your head? do you tell them every single thing in life you like or dislike, if you see someone walking down the street and think damn they are hot do you immediately run home and tell oyur family?

No, because they dont need to know everything about you. One thing people need to learn is this thing called boundaries. Normal, healthy people have boundaries, and dont feel the need to tell their family every single thing about them. Its ok to keep things to yourself, its ok to have a private life, and its ok to like diapers and not tell your family.

[pampers08]

I agree 100% with sara_ab when she says that we don't need 2 tell our parents everything....I told my mom and absolutly nothing changed about my "lifestyle/fetish"all in all I wish I woulda kept strictly with friends who immediatly accepted this as a part of me.I do hope things go well 4 u

[Mischa]

Okay.

My AB side has been a part of me for years, I had just repressed it until I joined DD, but once I joined, I said "Hey, there's nothing wrong with being an AB." THAT is what I want my family to accept, that even though I finally have decided to embrace me for ME, I'm still the same guy I was in September (before I joined here and embraced myself).

I have already accepted myself, that point is moot.

I don't want to be treated like a baby by anyone in my family. Another moot point

Buying my diapers? I do that myself--yes I do it with the money I earn from doing things for my family, but the money goes from my account to the store's.

Sarah, at every opportunity, my mother has taken the chance to insult me. She IS the main trigger of my depression, she'll deny it until the day she dies, but she hasn't shown a single ounce of affection to me in a good six years. That's all I'm going to say on that.

Either way I have a feeling its going to get out. My mom is a snoop. If she were to find my stash sometime between now and when I'm ready to move out, I have a feeling I would be KICKED out of the house. If that were to happen, I need a support net that already knows about me, Grandma and Grandpa are the best option I have. I'm still fairly certain they will be receptive, supportive, and respectful about it.

[curiositykilledthecat]

She IS the main trigger of my depression, she'll deny it until the day she dies,

Wait, who read my mind? Just be careful Mischa, friends can be replaced family, not so much.

[belinda_sue_fox]

i see a flaw in plan A.

If your grandparents don't like the idea and maybe even tell your mother. Your safety net was never there in the first place and what you wanted a safety net for may happen.

I'd be guessing that the safety net would or wouldn't be there if you tell them or not. Telling them could just bring forward what hope won't happen.

[sarah_ab]

ohhh another genius idea here.. how about just NOT WEARING DIAPERS until you move out? then whoa.. you mother has nothing to find.

another great thing about being an adult, aside from having boundaries is having self control. When i lived at my mothers, i NEVER bought diapers. Why, because my mother is a snoop and would have found them, so i just executed this charming thing called self control.

Aside note, you arenot the only one with a bad relationship with your family, so please do not act is if others don't understand what its like to have to live with family members who are not supportive/loving etc... many of us have been there. Just exercise self control, suck it up, and when you are able to move out, then enjoy diapers.

[curiositykilledthecat]

wow, okay sarah retarct the clws, lol. Mischa she is right, we all have pretty shitty relationships with our parents or at least did at somepoint. Becareful with whatever you decide to do tomorrow.

[sarah_ab]

claws? these babies are talons!

but no, i understand my post is sarcastic, but i too was once a teen age, andnot that long ago, and i still have better self control than most of the teens we get on this site.

Its time to grow up and be the adult you want the world to treat you as. If you can't act like an adult, if you can't exhibit self control and personal boundaries then you will never be treated as you demand to be.

[curiositykilledthecat]

I agree, I mean I wear at home however I am smart about it, I only wear when i have house to myself or when the old farts are in bed. I see no point in telling my family about this side of me unless I do it to piss them off. I figure why spite myself?

Mischa have a good thanksgiving kiddo and just be careful man, we all like you here and don't want anything to happen. Also, the crinkle is really in our heads. I wore an 'atn' out in public a few times now and as long as your dressed with boxers and jeans then nobody will hear it, heck you'll forget you're wearing it. I would recommend the molicares if you want to wear at home. Even with just pajama pants on they are absolutely silent.

[Coodie]

My advice is do not tell them. I don't understand why so many people feel the need to share the sexual fetishes with close relatives. Imagine how you would fee if your dad sat you down and told you he was into cross dressing, water sports etc ?

[messyman]

I can't see any good reason to tell anyone that you don't want to see naked. Unless you are rich enough that it does not matter what anyone thinks about you like Heidi Lynne was going public has no benefit and lots of pitfalls. At best you will just make your family uncomfortable and they will down some extra booze and erase the indecent. At worst they will be worried about you or even disgusted by you and will not look at you the same way ever again. It's not like being gay; you would never show up to a family function in diapers and AB clothing like you would with a partner.

[Mischa]

My being an AB is for the vast majority not a sexual kink, though I will admit the female form looks much better with a diaper on. Being AB for me is totally about escaping reality and returning to a simpler and carefree time.

As for how it went: One word: Excellent.

Grandma and Grandpa were totally accepting of it. I told them it was my coping mechanism for the stress I'm put under at home. I showed them my paci and bottle, and the only question they had was "what do you use the bottle for?" "Ummmm, I drink out of it." I told them I had made some very good friends in the community.

They asked me if I still wet the bed, I said that had stopped several years earlier. I wasn't about to lie to them, but that would have allowed me to wear, as I had brought three diapers with me, I however decided not to lie, but didn't get the courage up enough to ask if they'd feel strange with me crinkling around their home. I did however get up, walk out to the living room and finish my bottle of water that I had made overnight.

In due time I will have the courage to be as open as some others on this site, but other things need to happen first, namely employment. It's harmless really, and since for us it's largely not a kink, who cares?

[thick and dry]

Yep, what everyone else keeps saying. It's a fetish, a bizarre one.

It's different than 'coming out' if you're gay, or 'coming out' to your girlfriend/lover.

I seriously don't know why people would want to share this kinda stuff with anyone besides their lover.

Edit: missed your last post. Please explain how it's not a kink to most of us? I believe it's fully a kink for me.

When was the last time you've had a relative come out about her 'coping' by using bondage, or someone who like some other bizarre fetish that deals with props? Heck, this is not something people need to be aware of, or be accepting of... I wish people would stop acting this way.

It's a closet fetish for most and a lifestyle for few. Even those, I hope they keep it behind closed doors as much as they can.

[Mischa]

"My being an AB is for the vast majority not a sexual kink."

^^^ Key word....

(sorry if this post comes off wrong, probably shouldn't post when I'm so tired)

[curiositykilledthecat]

To me that uis the difference b/w an ab and a dl. I like some ab stuff but for the most part the fetish is still sexual for me. Not always, but I digress. I'm glad to hear everything went well for you Mischa.