How Do You Know?

[Guest Baby Tiana]

I have always wondered, when I look at my peers. How did they know they were gay, bi, or lesbian. Maybe even transsexual before they hit high school? Even when they hit high school. I have yet to totally understand where I settle when it comes to sexuality. I am very open to others being themselves. However when it comes to what I might be, I feel a little terrified. I know I should embrace what ever I am....Just some thing seems a little wrong. I know this sounds completely contradictory, but its how I feel. I have grown up having a boy friend, and everything thinking i am straight. However I never have let people know that I find woman a sexual turn on for me. And I don't think I totally understood some of my feelings till late last year.

I have always felt intimidated by female teachers, and females older than me. Maybe its cause some where deep in me I found them attractive, maybe not. All I know is they always made me very nervous, and turn bright red.

Another thing. When I look at the pictures of females in diapers, it really turns me on more than a man, yet men still turn me on. Clothes on woman turn me on too. The kindness and sweetness of females for some reason turns me on too.

Truthfully I wish I was one of those kids in school, that had things all figured out...yet I am not. I haven't a clue if I am bi, straight, or bi-curious.

And if I am bi, one thing I am worried about it how that would reflect on my mother. She is a catholic, and although she says she is open minded on things....She really isn't. I am terrified of what people may think. Weird I know...as when I see them in the halls, the mall, or just on the street corner, I see them as normal people who can express themselves more openly. I want to be one of those people....yet I am to afraid of what my friends and family may think.

I guess I am asking for advice here, on how to tell if I am and how to tell people, when I choose to.

Thank you, and i hope to hear some feed back.

Tia

[pepjoe1]

I have always wondered, when I look at my peers. How did they know they were gay, bi, or lesbian. Maybe even transsexual before they hit high school? Even when they hit high school. I have yet to totally understand where I settle when it comes to sexuality. I am very open to others being themselves. However when it comes to what I might be, I feel a little terrified. I know I should embrace what ever I am....Just some thing seems a little wrong. I know this sounds completely contradictory, but its how I feel. I have grown up having a boy friend, and everything thinking i am straight. However I never have let people know that I find woman a sexual turn on for me. And I don't think I totally understood some of my feelings till late last year.

I have always felt intimidated by female teachers, and females older than me. Maybe its cause some where deep in me I found them attractive, maybe not. All I know is they always made me very nervous, and turn bright red.

Another thing. When I look at the pictures of females in diapers, it really turns me on more than a man, yet men still turn me on. Clothes on woman turn me on too. The kindness and sweetness of females for some reason turns me on too.

Truthfully I wish I was one of those kids in school, that had things all figured out...yet I am not. I haven't a clue if I am bi, straight, or bi-curious.

And if I am bi, one thing I am worried about it how that would reflect on my mother. She is a catholic, and although she says she is open minded on things....She really isn't. I am terrified of what people may think. Weird I know...as when I see them in the halls, the mall, or just on the street corner, I see them as normal people who can express themselves more openly. I want to be one of those people....yet I am to afraid of what my friends and family may think.

I guess I am asking for advice here, on how to tell if I am and how to tell people, when I choose to.

Thank you, and i hope to hear some feed back.

Tia

i know how you feel i want to express who i really like in side but i am scared i gess thats why may be you need to talk about it with some one who is close to you or have your first contact with the same sex and see what happens or go and see a doctor and see what you come up with .

if you would like to chat more email me ok i have a good ear to listen ok

[Guest Baby Tiana]

Thanks. Yeah I see a therapist, but I am to shy and nervous to bring that up with her. I would turn so red in the face if I started talking about it to her. And I am to terrified to just ask someone out, like a girl. Really I am feel like I am in an awkward area in life. Sexuality is so confusing. Also I don't want my god parents to look at me in disgust, although they seem open minded. I am just afraid of being casted away, and not being a good example for people any more. However I could be still if I did open up....Just maybe not what all people want me to be. I am in a difficult area, as everyone I know wants me to be a certain way, and growing up that way....I find it hard to express myself, and when I do. I feel as if I am doing them wrong by trying to be an individual and not what they want me to be. WHAT DO I DO??!!!

[Frink]

My personal opinion is that most people know exactly what their sexuality is by the time they're in their late teens to early twenties. But it may be years later--or never--before they realize it. Hell, it took me around four years to figure out that I bat for both teams, and I come from a place where non-straights aren't hunted for sport.

Edit: I just realized this post didn't address your question at all. My bad. Do you have any gay friends? If do, talk to some of them.

[FretaBWet]

Thanks. Yeah I see a therapist, but I am to shy and nervous to bring that up with her. I would turn so red in the face if I started talking about it to her. And I am to terrified to just ask someone out, like a girl. Really I am feel like I am in an awkward area in life. Sexuality is so confusing. Also I don't want my god parents to look at me in disgust, although they seem open minded. I am just afraid of being casted away, and not being a good example for people any more. However I could be still if I did open up....Just maybe not what all people want me to be. I am in a difficult area, as everyone I know wants me to be a certain way, and growing up that way....I find it hard to express myself, and when I do. I feel as if I am doing them wrong by trying to be an individual and not what they want me to be. WHAT DO I DO??!!!

I'm not going to tell you what to do, only you have the power to choose that. I will however remind you of something many of us forget at times in our lives. You only have one life, there is no rewind or do overs. If you live it as someone else because other people have expectations of you, each day that passes is lost. This is something many transgendered and some gay people learn. If you don't start living the life you choose to live it may be something you regret later on in life. You may find that the longer you wait the bigger the regret because you will have lost more time as the real you. The people that want you to be a certain way are selfish people. They are looking out for themselves not you. Just some food for thought.

If you can't discuss these things with your therapist they can't really help you and it's not their fault. The relationship is based on trust, that's why they are duty bound to keep anything you tell them in strict confidence. If you can't trust them and feel you need to hold back they are working with only part of the story. They will see only part of the picture. How can they ask the right questions to help you clearly see the path? I hope this helps a little.

Hugs,

freta

[tcc]

At 18, you are at a point in your life when you are supposed to be getting to know yourself, who you are, how you are and what you want to be. There is an extreme amount of pressure by society to rush individuals to "have everything all figured out" early in life. It doesn't always work that way and each individual matures and finds themselves at their own rate. Society is putting a lot of pressure on individuals regarding sexuality, sexual maturity and sexual experience(s). To me, at 54, this is unrealistic, to expect of younger people. Not only that, it really irritates me that so many things, especially in the realm of sexuality, are expected to be accepted, acceptable and out into the open. I am of the opinion that the gay world can function just fine without having to have marches and those wanting to flaunt their gayness. Just like straight male/female relationships can function without a public display of anything, the gay world can do a whole lot in the same vein.

What's your hurry? If you like another girl, there's nothing wrong with having a female friend. If you like a guy, there's nothing wrong with having a male friend. If something is going to develop more fully, it will. If you don't try and push someone into something, if something is going to happen, it will gravitate toward that naturally, and when something happens, no one will be turned off or offended. Maybe I'm being simplistic, but I would assume that, over time, you will gravitate in the direction you are going to gravitate to. If you are open to yourself and true to yourself, you won't worry about what others think, and you will deal with what you deal with intelligently and with integrity. When it's time for you to have a more fully defined you, it will be time. Just let it happen. Don't make too much of the situation for now. More fully develop the rest of you.

Oh, it's bad enough that you are AB or DL. You'll have THAT to deal with when it comes to relationships, already thinking you are a little warped and maybe "damaged goods". That issue needs to be addressed BEFORE a relationship is entered into. So, when you feel comfortable with who you are and how you are, you will be ready to BE who you are and how you are, and a lot of things will fall into place.

Hey, it took me 54 years to get to where I am - on a third marriage, very comfortable with my life, having learned a lot, and very happy with who I am, how I am and WHERE I am. Nobody said anything will be easy, but if a person is willing to exercise some patience, things DO, with a little "open eye attitude", eventually fall into place. My two cents, here, to be sure...

[beallucanb]

It took me forever to figure out I was gay, I was never very interested in women my whole life, I couldn't see what all the fuss was about, but I never disliked them, the same with guys I liked being around guys but never wanted to have sex with them.

I guess I'm waht you would call a very late bloomer, the whole trouble is I missed my chances when I was young do to my confusion, I guess what I'm trying to say take a chance and find out just what team your on.

Experiment, that is what I should have done, but I didn't and missed my chance.

[Guest Baby Tiana]

Thank you all for your comments. I guess I will be experimenting more, and not trying to always be the person everyone wants me to be. And yes I need to still work on trust with my counselor...Trust is a big issue for me....I have little of it. But I do trust her a lot. Just a I am worried about how people may look at me differently, if I open up more... I guess that is a reason for why I am more of the shy closed book kind of gal. Thank you all for your help so far, and I will have to try some things out....Now just to find a good way to do it will be the new challenge....But one I am willing to take on. THANK YOU!!!

[diaperboyMKE]

I didn't "know" until I was well into my 20's and I figured out that it's a private decision and it didn't really disturb the rotation of the earth if I liked girls & BOYS.

I had a feeling I might be, and to be frank I was quite worried about it.. since middle school.

I screwed around with a neighborhood boy (and really enjoyed it), whereas I would look at straight porn and get nothing out of it!

The funny part is, I think there's a lot of pressure to "come out" these days, when... you don't ever have to come out to friends and family at all!

It's not about "accepting" anything, why does your mother need to know your sexual preference? It's none of anyone's business.

[beallucanb]

I think I knew, but was afraid to say something to anyone about it, things were a little different 20+years ago, and comeing from a small town where everyone knows everything worth knowing about someones sexuality it wasn't worth the chance of screwing up the life I had, as shitty as it was.

I don't think today is any different in small towns like that one, but when I was a teen I was afraid of everything anyway.

[Aurelius]

Keep it simple. My policy has always been 'if it's pretty or diapers, fuck it'. Don't bother boxing sexuality up, it's too complicated and strange.

I myself really badly wish I was born a woman and around half the time I feel like more of a girl than a guy. Still I go on as a guy. I'm also bi, but I find myself leaning one way or the other over time. I don't know how things will end up for me. Maybe one day, who knows...

[tcc]

You know, it doesn't matter if you know, or want to know, or if you'd like things to be different. I mean, this is not 1620, where the Pilgrims showed up on the US shores for the sake of "religious freedom". Talk about hung up! OMG. Look it up. See what "bundling" and "a bundling board" are and mean...

I love women. I love seeing a sexy, attractive woman. And, seeing guys, even a handsome hunky guy, does not give me a "stirring down below". But, you know what one of my favorite fantasies is, and DOES make my "peter" stir? Being a sexual "plaything" to a couple, a diaper sex slave, used and abused by BOTH sexes. MY trip. MY thing. Something I've come to grips with, have embraced, will never act out, but continue to allow it to turn me on. Does it make me worry I'm gay? Heck no! I mean, I know what I enjoy, and know I can please a guy just as much as he could give ME pleasure, as well as pleasing a woman and having her please me. I mean, I could kick my own ass because I'm a DL, FGS. Not gonna' happen!

Humans are sexual creatures, and that, beyond simple procreation, is a gift from God. Giving us pleasure out of sex and sexual relations was on purpose. There's a reason behind it. Yes, it talks in the OLD TESTAMENT of the Bible that same sex relations is "an abomination", but if my take on it is even in the ballpark, it's more in the realm of a "marriage" (read that, gay marriage...) as opposed to sexual relations between "consenting adults". I have to believe that a rational God also knows that, as opposed to "fornication" - sex between people outside of marriage - as written in the Bible, HE knows we are sinful humans, and will couple outside of marriage, in our quest to MAKE a committment to a single special someone.

We have to be intelligent. We have to NOT be like a "bull in a china shop" and barge into our sexuality "willy nilly". WE are WE. WE are US. Others may have another view or slant on things. All people have to do is move slowly, carefully and intelligently. Many in the AB/DL world are so wrapped up in self-scorn and worry over being different that they don't approach THAT with intelligence and patiently. Add in the gay, bi or anything else factors, you compound the difficulty of accepting self, beyond dealing with leanings on the table, that WE perceive as being wrong, crazy or even illegal, if not immoral. We, ourselves, are most hard ON ourselves!

You get to be MY age, at 54, and want to live out your days comfortably and acceptant of self and leanings, you learn how to deal with sexuality, etal., and go from there. We CAN live a life forever in a box, in a closet, in secret, and be stressed, uptight and "on the edge", but, trust me, it's NOT worth it OR healthy!

Best advice. Don't worry about it. Get to know YOU, who you are, how you are, how you currently deal with others and how you can best deal with others, and want to.

Life isn't easy as it is. Taking a close look and learning what it takes to deal within the realm of "expectations" isn't as hard as many would have us think it is...

[Plasticbutt]

I have always wondered, when I look at my peers. How did they know they were gay, bi, or lesbian. Maybe even transsexual before they hit high school? Even when they hit high school. I have yet to totally understand where I settle when it comes to sexuality. I am very open to others being themselves. However when it comes to what I might be, I feel a little terrified. I know I should embrace what ever I am....Just some thing seems a little wrong. I know this sounds completely contradictory, but its how I feel. I have grown up having a boy friend, and everything thinking i am straight. However I never have let people know that I find woman a sexual turn on for me. And I don't think I totally understood some of my feelings till late last year.

I have always felt intimidated by female teachers, and females older than me. Maybe its cause some where deep in me I found them attractive, maybe not. All I know is they always made me very nervous, and turn bright red.

Another thing. When I look at the pictures of females in diapers, it really turns me on more than a man, yet men still turn me on. Clothes on woman turn me on too. The kindness and sweetness of females for some reason turns me on too.

Truthfully I wish I was one of those kids in school, that had things all figured out...yet I am not. I haven't a clue if I am bi, straight, or bi-curious.

And if I am bi, one thing I am worried about it how that would reflect on my mother. She is a catholic, and although she says she is open minded on things....She really isn't. I am terrified of what people may think. Weird I know...as when I see them in the halls, the mall, or just on the street corner, I see them as normal people who can express themselves more openly. I want to be one of those people....yet I am to afraid of what my friends and family may think.

I guess I am asking for advice here, on how to tell if I am and how to tell people, when I choose to.

Thank you, and i hope to hear some feed back.

Tia, it's important to remember that you're 18 -- you're still making personal discoveries. You might require a few more years to work out just how you feel regarding your sexuality and how you plan to deal with it. If you are bisexual, the best advice I can give is to just don't worry about it. Being bisexual is lovely, but your sexuality is not the end-all, be-all of your existence. It's just part of who you are. You may be bisexual, but bisexuality isn't you (nor is it anyone else), if you get my drift.

It sounds to me that you are bisexual -- you clearly have feelings for both sexes from what you've written here. It took me a while to really accept this part of me. I didn't admit my bisexuality to myself until the age of 25. And didn't admit it to others until my early 30s.

There is no need for your mother to know, unless you end up in a long-term relationship with a male. Otherwise, don't sweat it. My father would be distressed if he knew I was bi, so I simply haven't told him and I don't worry about it.

I was intimidated by older women too, but then I married a woman five years older than me (and she knows I'm bi). So, no worries there. If the right female comes along in your life, it won't matter one iota if she's older.

Just go with the flow and let life take you wherever (and to whomever) it will.

[Aurelius]

You know, it doesn't matter if you know, or want to know, or if you'd like things to be different. I mean, this is not 1620, where the Pilgrims showed up on the US shores for the sake of "religious freedom". Talk about hung up! OMG. Look it up. See what "bundling" and "a bundling board" are and mean...

Humans are sexual creatures, and that, beyond simple procreation, is a gift from God. Giving us pleasure out of sex and sexual relations was on purpose. There's a reason behind it. Yes, it talks in the OLD TESTAMENT of the Bible that same sex relations is "an abomination", but if my take on it is even in the ballpark, it's more in the realm of a "marriage" (read that, gay marriage...) as opposed to sexual relations between "consenting adults". I have to believe that a rational God also knows that, as opposed to "fornication" - sex between people outside of marriage - as written in the Bible, HE knows we are sinful humans, and will couple outside of marriage, in our quest to MAKE a committment to a single special someone.

Good post.

Don't take the bible too seriously. I doubt it's really necessary to bring theology into the debate - I'm mostly convinced we've evolved, but I'm absolutely convinced there's a god in some abstract form. The chances of us ever understanding everything (especially something so trippy as our own sexuality) are probably not that great and more importantly - if you did really know everything - would it matter? would you even really want to?

It's those sorts of questions that made me quit science. It's a cliche, but in the end just 'let it be'.

Life is not a contest for a trivial prize. At stake is madness or sanity. If you are fully clear about the things that matter in your life and you're being reasonable about it then there's no good reason to chew yourself up over some outdated and outmoded social norms. And that's all there really is to it.