Juliabam Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Machine returns manual for foolproof way of using bullet.. loaad bullet, press gun against head squeeze trigger..stop complaining forever! inserts something that looks like frog brain! Link to comment
freswith Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Gets back a new motherboard complete with an Arcturan Megafrog processor which can vastly outthink the single-cylinder Bolinder brain that humans have to use. Inserts Marvin the Paranoid Android. Link to comment
BabyJune Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 ^ Gets back a rearview mirror that says "WARNING: OBJECTS MAY APPEAR CLOSER THAN THEY ARE." V Inserts an old 5-1/2 inch floppy disk Link to comment
freswith Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Gets back a Sinclair C5 Inserts a pair of flared jeans Link to comment
Juliabam Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 machine returns a nice firmly shaped behind. Inserts old fart (Hey Freswith where' you hiding...) Link to comment
freswith Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Machine returns small bottle of Chanel No.5 Inserts Julia's old school report. (Right here, my dear, where I've always been.) Link to comment
Juliabam Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 <<-- Peeks through coin slot on vending machine and replies.. Oh yeah I see you now.. What are you doing in there silly... Pulls old fart out of machine and sits Freswith gently on ground away from dangerous cars and other evil vehicles.. Sorry Sir, I won't do that to you again.. Inserts new canned fart with a notice to spray away from face and not against wind.. Link to comment
freswith Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Machine emits jet of old sump oil straight into Julia's lap Inserts 13/16"AF combination spanner. Link to comment
Bettypooh Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 And gets a stripped 5/16 Whitworth cylinder head bolt from a Matchless motorcycle Inserts the non-sticking tape from this morning's Kendall "Wings" diaper Link to comment
Juliabam Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Machine returns sticker with the text, 'This vending machine is not a litterbox, use can to the left of machine or put your unwanted items in your pockets till finding a proper disposal unit elsewhere' Inserts homemade diploma for being polite and thinks, whow what would have happened if Betty would have tried to get rid of an old car, or even worse, a phased out supertanker... Can mankind even build such large pockets? (ofcourse they can, if they can build a thing they should also be able to build something to have it in, afterall it only needs to be a very little bit larger...) Link to comment
freswith Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Receives Degree in Pure and Applied Bloody Mindedness from University of Yorkshire. Inserts bowl of freshly-made Tzanziki with a small dish of olives and a chunk of warm pitta bread. Link to comment
BabyJune Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Receives a copy of "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche" Inserts a copy of "Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus" Link to comment
Bettypooh Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 Receives a copy of "Gender Outlaw" by Kate Bornstein Inserts a copy of "On The Beach" by Neville Shute Link to comment
freswith Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 Gets back Asimov's "Foundation" Inserts Osama Bin Laden's "Dangerous Book for Boys" Link to comment
BabyJune Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 Gets back a Daisy Red Ryder BB Gun (You'll take an eye out with that!) Inserts a sling shot and a pocket knife (Boys can be dangerous without a how-to book. That's why I prefer girls) Link to comment
freswith Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 Gets back a matchbox with a spider in it, and a cigarette card of Count Zborowski. Inserts DVD of John Wayne in "True Grit" (Every girl should read the Dangerous Book for boys so she knows just how dangerous boys can be!) Link to comment
Juliabam Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 Gets back a matchbox with a spider in it, and a cigarette card of Count Zborowski. Inserts DVD of John Wayne in "True Grit" (Every girl should read the Dangerous Book for boys so she knows just how dangerous boys can be!) Machine returns vhs tape of Waynes World Screams into coin "HAVE NO MONEY FOR YOU" Link to comment
freswith Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 Machine emits wad of banknotes. Inserts 100,000,000,000 dollar bill - from Zimbabwe. Link to comment
Juliabam Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 machine returns one piece of used nicotine gum inserts nicotine patch Link to comment
freswith Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 Gets back 200 Woodbines (or Marlboro Extra Tar if you live in the states) Inserts biopsy needle Link to comment
Juliabam Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Out of the machine ticks a note. Creature of unknown specie, too old to be good, smells a bit stale, should stop smoking, please remove that needle before I catch something infectious. Inserts rubbergloves Link to comment
freswith Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Gets back full suit of rubber fetish gear - but sized for Juliabam. Inserts spanking paddle and tube of KY jelly Link to comment
Juliabam Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Machine lubes up paddle and spits it out with a force ramming it up Freswiths rectum.. UUhh baad insert combination, be carefull what it thinks you wish for!! Inserts Freswiths X-ray photos from his visit at the hospital emergency this evening!!! Link to comment
freswith Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Receives large jar of Doctor Sproggins' patent Arsehole Rejuvenator. Inserts the zest of a lemon. Link to comment
daddybrian Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 receives a lemon pie and a cookie. Inserts two dollar bills Link to comment
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