Dealing With My Depression

[PhilDL]

Since March I've been dealing with an ever increasing bout of depression. Having dealt with bouts of depression for 20 years this one had been the worse ever. Of course with a history, recent family problems and going on 14 months of unemployment I couldn't handle it anymore. Through out these days I was planning out my suicide. This wasn't something I planned on carrying out right away, I can't do it while my parents are alive but I do have all the details of my suicide plans worked out.

Well at the end of last month I went to a new primary Doctor and told him of my deepening depression but not the suicidal thoughts, he gave me some samples of Lexapro. Finally after this weekend I'm starting to feel better. In just the past few days I've gone from feeling neutral to feeling more positive.

During all this my only care were diapers. Diapers now as in the past bring my only joy. This morning I was lying in bed with a wet diaper and thinking this is at least one reason I want to live a long life, I want as much time to enjoy wearing my diapers! If I live to an old age in a senior living facility I will be happy having others changing me!

Over the past 12 years I've been on and off many prescriptions. The only think that ever worked was Effexor XL. It had side effects, sweating and thirst, the withdrawal effects were terrible. My Psychiatrist said he had never seen such a bad withdrawal as he saw with me. This is why I was apprehensive to go back on meds.

The side effect of Lexapro does seem to be sexual, even though my libido is still there I can't get an erect penis or ejaculate! So since I don't have a lady in my life I guess this is better than the debilitating depression.

Wondering if others are dealing with depression?

Phil

[DailyDi]

I also take Lexapro for depression, it works quite well for me. I have Xanax as well for when I need a little extra "chill"

[PhilDL]

Daily Di, how long have you been on Lexapro? I'm on 10mg per day.

Any side effects?

Phil

I also take Lexapro for depression, it works quite well for me. I have Xanax as well for when I need a little extra "chill"

[DailyDi]

I take 20mg per day. Haven't had any problems or side effects. Been on it about two years now. I started on 10mg, but had to go up to 20 after about 9 months or so.

Expensive stuff, I hope you have insurance! Costs me $106 a month.

[Bee]

Daily Di, how long have you been on Lexapro? I'm on 10mg per day.

Any side effects?

I was on it for a while, still would be if I could afford it. I got some dizziness, and some nausea, but that was about it. The main thing I noticed was being better able to deal with life, so I loved it.

[PhilDL]

I was wondering today how long I would be on it, 2 years, wow!

DailyDi and Bee, I'm on COBRA right now that expires in December. For now I think my primary will give me free samples. My insurance would cost me $88 for 90 days. After the COBRA, the insurance price goes away and I'll have to pay full price. If that comes to being I'll contact the manufacturer for a program for those without insurance.

Phil

I take 20mg per day. Haven't had any problems or side effects. Been on it about two years now. I started on 10mg, but had to go up to 20 after about 9 months or so.

Expensive stuff, I hope you have insurance! Costs me $106 a month.

[DailyDi]

Lexapro isn't a "take it till you feel better" kind of drug, it's a take it forever so you stay feeling better. They do have a program that will send you free pills (sent to your doc to be dispensed)

My Doc gives me bags of those little sample packs to give me a safety buffer in case I can't afford to refill on time.

[PhilDL]

Can't you qualify for this plan?

My former therapist told me a few years back that the medication was to bring you to a level so therapy could work then wean off the meds.

Lexapro isn't a "take it till you feel better" kind of drug, it's a take it forever so you stay feeling better. They do have a program that will send you free pills (sent to your doc to be dispensed)

My Doc gives me bags of those little sample packs to give me a safety buffer in case I can't afford to refill on time.

[DailyDi]

I have clinical depression, talk therapy doesn't help me. Your case could be different, and traditional therapy could allow you to go off the meds in time.

I probably could qualify, but it is difficult for me to prove my income since I don't have a standard employer (and thus no paystubs.) I can get my meds, just not always on the day I need them

[PhilDL]

The Doctor mentioned to me that it was newer than what I've taken in the past, I was thinking maybe than it's for longer term?

I have clinical depression, talk therapy doesn't help me. Your case could be different, and traditional therapy could allow you to go off the meds in time.

[DailyDi]

Lexapro is fairly new, yes. The old version was Celexa. It is generally for long-term use.

Lexapro won't have a generic until at least 2012

[diaperpt]

I seldom disagree with Daily Di, but while some people may be on lexapro forever, at least three of us in my family have been on - and successful come off - lexapro.

I've gone through a difficult transition out of one job...and into unemployment, at least for now...and thought I might need to go back on. I seem to be a little more stable for now and so won't need to think about it. I'm glad for that, because of the tiredness I felt until I was stabilized on it.

You mentioned a sexual side effect...I'm wondering what affect it might have had on me.

At any rate, good luck with a job - I'm sure being out of work for a period of time can make any clinical depression you might have even worse...plus the economics of being out of work! Hang in!!

[superdiaperbaby]

I just recently got diagnosed with moderate atypical depression. My gp prescribed Zoloft. I have been on it for 3 weeks and I am actually happy now. It is unbelievable. I actually get up in the morning. I also started taking chromium picolinate supplements because some studies suggest it for atypical depression. That is where you oversleep and overeat. Chromium has given me more energy than I have had in years. I am also realizing that insulin resistance also causes depression and I have not been able to lose weight by dieting and exercising(a sign of insulin resistance). Chromium picolinate was though to increase insulin sensitivity at one time, but it is unproven. So with these drugs it appears that everything is great. I am even losing weight quickly. I wonder as well if I go off of it will I go back to my sad state? BTW, the generic form of Zoloft only cost me $10 at Walmart.

SDB

[beetle99]

Wow, good to know I'm not the only one with this issue.... well of course I knew, but it's good to see this thread!

I've been diagnosed with depression (not sure which ones yet, my therapist is still assessing them as time goes by because some of the issues are coming to the surface since I started seeing her. My doctor has gradually prescribed me Wellbutrin (generic bupropion) for the last month and half, from 75 mg, 2x a day, then 150mg 1x a day. Starting today, I'm taking 150mg 2x a day - she wants to make sure that whatever side effects such as irrational fear and anxiety, whether they are multiplied with bupropion or not. If it does increase these two side effects (they're pretty serious, I would think... however I've had these way before I took the meds, so who knows) the doc would switch me to a different medicine - either Lexapro or Strattera.

We'll see how that goes with my dosage right now. I'm going through an extremely difficult time, so many things in such a short period of time.

[Guest lucys junibug]

i have been on lots of different meds so can't remember all the ones i've tried over the years! i differently found that effexor worked but i also had bad withdrawal and and weird side effects (some have still stuck years later!!)

i'm currently not on anything and the docs are keen to keep me off due to other medical conditions

and to be honest i'm not sure about going back on to them.....i guess i just about manage to keep hold of things now and till things get relay bad i guess i'll stay off meds, i do worry though, that if i need them it could affect my health so it will b a hard decision...

im taking Carbamazepine (not for depression) which is used for some types of depression and i do think that it helps to some extent but not fully

i've had depression for at least 10 years now and apart from my original diagnosis...which they think is wrong....i have never been told what type i suffer from....reading all of these posts makes me think i should ask....mind you half my notes were lost 3 years ago and most of the stuff from the CMHT was lost too, so i'd prob need to be fully assessed again...

xxx

[PhilDL]

Back in 2001 my Therapist diagnosed me with Dysthymic Depression.

Superdiaperbaby, a few months ago I heard on a medical radio show that chromium picolinate supplements were good for diabetes. Back in 2005 when diabetes was first noticed I lost lots of weight and never took meds for that, since then my blood sugar is normal. I decided to take this to be able keep my levels normal. During this time my depression got worse. Not to say it made my mood worse but I didn't find any help from chromium picolinate supplements for mood levels.

DailyDi, since I'm on 10mg right now when I start having to pay for it I'll ask my Doctor to prescribe 20mg so I can cut it in half and get double for the same price. He's knows of my unemployment, he said he understood, his daughter has been out of work for 6 months.

Here's a list of the meds I've been on for depression since 1998:

Prozac

Trazodone

Zyprexa

Risperdal

Effexor

Geodon

Celexa

Seroquel

Bupropion

Buspirone

It was either Trazodone, Zyprexa or Risperdal that was banned when they found one of these could cause diabetes!

I always pick on my nails it was either Bupropion or Buspirone that made this lifetime habit stop, I actually started to have fingernails instead of stubs! Since going off it I'm back to stubs.

Phil

[Guest lucys junibug]

i was diagnosed with Dysthymic disorder too but no ones confirmed that they just said prob!! and border line personality disorder as well as other things.....im usually on two drugs to treat me when im bad....most of the time i just took the meds lucy put in front of me (she was a good girlie and looked after me),partly why i don't remember all the names.

xxx

[AutieAB]

Ah the black dog. Yes, been there, done that, survived it with citalopram and diapers My diaper usage rate went through the roof when I was at my lowest point.

On the matter of lifelong depression, whilst someone may feel 'better' and decide they don't need Drug X any more (whatever it may be), it's my opinion that it's not a disease that you can ever really consider yourself to be 'cured' of. It can always come back, even for no apparent reason (and has for me on a couple of occasions). Coming off the pills may be something that you can do or it may not be but always remember it can come back...

[tndyperboy]

I was on Lexapro for about a year or so and also seeing a therapist. The most annoying side effect for me was delayed ejaculation. Would have been great if I had the opposite problem. Anyway when I thought I had dealt with the "big" issues I changed to Wellbutrin. Not as dramatic an effect on mood but it has prevented any set backs. I think also Celexa and Lexapro made me prone to weight gain.

[Guest lucys junibug]

i agree with that statement...it wont ever go, its something that i have learnt to live with and except, but there are some people who have depression for a short amount of time and fully recover from it

im just not one of those people and that's ok, i except it its me i guess

[Nat]

Suicide is for cowards. I am glad you never did it. I have dealt with depression myself and felt like I wanted to commit suicide to end my shitty life. I am glad I never killed myself because I finally moved to Portland, met my boyfriend, got married. Now what would have happened if I ended my life? I don't have any type of depression, just depression which I got over because I don't have anything in my life to make me depressed. Society made me depressed when I was a kid.

[PhilDL]

I don't feel like it's being a coward, more a plan, an exit plan. Just like someone who is getting close to retirement, they need a plan as to how they will manage the rest of their life without a job.

Anyway I guess discussing this will bring up negative tones and I'm trying to avoid that. Having said that Spokane Girl, please don't take this wrong, I'm not mad or arguing with you. I appreciate your thoughts, my thoughts too could and might be wrong.

Thanks,

Phil

Suicide is for cowards. I am glad you never did it. I have dealt with depression myself and felt like I wanted to commit suicide to end my shitty life. I am glad I never killed myself because I finally moved to Portland, met my boyfriend, got married. Now what would have happened if I ended my life? I don't have any type of depression, just depression which I got over because I don't have anything in my life to make me depressed. Society made me depressed when I was a kid.

[Guest lucys junibug]

i don't think that your a coward... if you wanna commit suicide you just need to find something to occupy yourself, things you enjoy and then build on that do related thigs meet people who enjoy that too....when i was at my worse i just wanted to die i didn't care how either!! but the worse thing was that during one very bad episode i tried to convince the most important person to me to do the same thing with me...i don't know what i was thinking! i guess in some weird way i wouldn't have to think about how they would feel after i was gone.....now i cant bear to think how the people close to me would feel as i know i would be devastated if anything ever happened to them!

xxx