Age/baby Play And The Line....

[BabyBat]

I am having some mental issues with the whole age-play thing. I am ABDL, mostly DL but a little AB. I would *love* to be a daddy and pictures of girls in diapers and dressed up as babies do turn me on, which is where my mental issues are coming from. I know that I am not a pedophile and I am not turned on when I see a real baby; however I have this mental guilt [for lack of a better term] that the fact I would love if if my wife would: dress in kids clothes, suck her thumb, wet her diaper, etc, etc. The thought of it all just turns me on, it is definitive a sexual thing for me [i know it isn't for some].

I am sure that I am not the only one to deal with these feelings, how have others approached this?

[Rawr]

Well, if it's purely a fantasy - and part of the turn on is that the object of your desires is an adult role-playing as a child, then I'd argue that whilst it's not particularly common, I don't believe that it's anything to worry about - as long as you keep your activities to consenting adults only.

However, if you're experiencing excessive anxiety or guilt because of your sexual desires, then maybe you could see a sex therapist/councilor? There are plenty of "kink-aware" practitioners out there who won't say "MY GOD YOU FREAK! WE MUST CURE YOU NOW!", but instead will help you work through your guilt, so that you can enjoy your fetish without it impacting on the rest of your life / your mental health.

What counts as 'excessive' guilt is down to you - but if it's enough that you're seeking advice here, then it might be an option to consider counseling. I know it's not for everybody, and it might seem like quite a daunting prospect to go and tell your most intimate desires to a complete stranger face to face; but it's certainly an option that may be worth considering.

I hope this helps!

Rx

[BabyBat]

Well, if it's purely a fantasy - and part of the turn on is that the object of your desires is an adult role-playing as a child, then I'd argue that whilst it's not particularly common, I don't believe that it's anything to worry about - as long as you keep your activities to consenting adults only.

However, if you're experiencing excessive anxiety or guilt because of your sexual desires, then maybe you could see a sex therapist/councilor? There are plenty of "kink-aware" practitioners out there who won't say "MY GOD YOU FREAK! WE MUST CURE YOU NOW!", but instead will help you work through your guilt, so that you can enjoy your fetish without it impacting on the rest of your life / your mental health.

What counts as 'excessive' guilt is down to you - but if it's enough that you're seeking advice here, then it might be an option to consider counseling. I know it's not for everybody, and it might seem like quite a daunting prospect to go and tell your most intimate desires to a complete stranger face to face; but it's certainly an option that may be worth considering.

I hope this helps!

Rx

Thank you for the reply Rx. I do not think that it is excessive at this point, which is good because I am not sure if my little town would have a kink aware counselor [not in the bible belt, but a very conservative place].

I am only interested in one consenting adult actually (my wife) and was just wondering how others have dealt with the situation in the past.

[beachxbunni123]

There's nothing wrong with it! If you were turned on by your wife dressing as a cat, would that mean that you had sexual feelings for actual cats? Probably not!

[meghan_baby]

My only thoughts are: Get out of your own way and learn to enjoy yourself whomever that may be. As long as you are not harming another (or yourself, i.e. if your desire turns to obsession and ruins your life), then be who you are. Your desires are in no way pedophiliac[sic] in nature.

I am having some mental issues with the whole age-play thing. I am ABDL, mostly DL but a little AB. I would *love* to be a daddy and pictures of girls in diapers and dressed up as babies do turn me on, which is where my mental issues are coming from. I know that I am not a pedophile and I am not turned on when I see a real baby; however I have this mental guilt [for lack of a better term] that the fact I would love if if my wife would: dress in kids clothes, suck her thumb, wet her diaper, etc, etc. The thought of it all just turns me on, it is definitive a sexual thing for me [i know it isn't for some].

I am sure that I am not the only one to deal with these feelings, how have others approached this?

[curiositykilledthecat]

There's nothing wrong with it! If you were turned on by your wife dressing as a cat, would that mean that you had sexual feelings for actual cats? Probably not!

okay you beat me too it. Again the ab thing is a turn off to me however the dependence and submission is an unbelievable turn on so i can work with it as a role playing deal.

[babykeiff]

I am having some mental issues with the whole age-play thing. I am ABDL, mostly DL but a little AB. I would *love* to be a daddy and pictures of girls in diapers and dressed up as babies do turn me on, which is where my mental issues are coming from. I know that I am not a pedophile and I am not turned on when I see a real baby; however I have this mental guilt [for lack of a better term] that the fact I would love if if my wife would: dress in kids clothes, suck her thumb, wet her diaper, etc, etc. The thought of it all just turns me on, it is definitive a sexual thing for me [i know it isn't for some].

I am sure that I am not the only one to deal with these feelings, how have others approached this?

It is normal to question ones believes / thoughts / acts from time to time. The only answer is 'if it does not harm physically/mentally you or another - then enjoy it.

[BabyBat]

I appreciate all the kind replies.

I know that I am not a pedophile and that what happens between two consenting adults is all fun anyway. It is just this line in my mind, sort of like the 'diaper guilt' we have all dealt with.

So I find myself asking questions like Why does it turn me on so much if my wife were to dress up as a young girl and I diapered her and then ..... [quagmire laugh] More than that how do I explain it to my wife without sounding like a complete pedo when I can't even explain/justify it [convincingly] to myself. I know how I feel and that I would never do anything 'sick' but how do I convey that to someone else?

What happens when we are at the mall and she thinks I have looked a little too long at one of the girls there? Is it going to be in the back of her head? How could it not be?

I know I am probably going around in circles here and I appreciate all of your input, maybe I just need to vent.

[tommee]

I think pointing out the differences between paedophilia and infantilism using the comparison that bitter gray does on his understanding infantilsm site might help.

Basically, he compares paedophilia and infantilism using the analogy of a rapist and crossdresser, both involve womens clothing, but a crossdresser isn't hurting anyone, and enjoys feeling all feminine by wearing dresses and skirts, where a rapist enjoys the position of power over a woman, using her as a purely sexual object. A crossdresser and a rapist are as far apart as you and a paedophile are. You have no sexual feelings towards children, but the idea of acting like a baby and dressing up in a diaper appeal to you as you want to recapture this feeling of innocence.

I know when I look at pictures of adults dressed as babies, I'm enjoying seeing women dressed up and being treated in ways I would enjoy. And the idea of sexy ladies dressed in diapers is quite a turn on.

I wouldn't worry about what your wife spotting you looking too long at a child at the mall, that's all in your head. You know what you are, and what you are not.

If your feeling down about all this http://understanding.infantilism.org/ has lots of stuff and ideas to help you come to terms with it.

If you're reading this bittergray, thanks so much for this wonderful resource!

[tris]

Well put.

@OP: When I thought I wanted to be a daddy, I also went through some guilt over differentiating my feelings about adults vs children, in much the same way you described. You depict a logical line of thought that is very much worthwhile pondering. How is it possible to like the idea of something more than you like the thing itself? In this case, the answer is pretty simple: One's illegal and the other isn't. You probably wanna stay out of jail, so you're gonna go with the safe choice. But, in the back of your mind, only you know what you'd really do. (That can go either way.)

[BabyBat]

Well put.

@OP: When I thought I wanted to be a daddy, I also went through some guilt over differentiating my feelings about adults vs children, in much the same way you described. You depict a logical line of thought that is very much worthwhile pondering. How is it possible to like the idea of something more than you like the thing itself? In this case, the answer is pretty simple: One's illegal and the other isn't. You probably wanna stay out of jail, so you're gonna go with the safe choice. But, in the back of your mind, only you know what you'd really do. (That can go either way.)

I know what I would (or wouldn't in this case) do. The thing is that I only know this (it is a feeling) and I can not explain why my wife dressed as a LG turns me on to no end, but an actual LG there is pure innocence which I would obviously never touch. I *know* how I feel but I can not describe it to someone else.

Plus what makes me any better than someone on the internet who never actually harms anyone but looks at pictures? Would most people [us included] not classify them as a pervert? How am I different? When one looks exactly (or the goal is to get them as close as possible) like the other (pigtails, clothes, thumb sucking, etc) how can you tell from a picture? What makes me any better?

Again going in circles, thanks for listening.

[tris]

*Tris is reminded of a Soul Coughing song. . *

This is a cyclical conversation because it's a cyclical thought: You CAN'T tell the difference. Isn't that the point, anyway?

I think the answer you're really looking for lies within you. A consenting adult dressed as an LG, and acting babyish is merely a dopplegangar for the real thing. By your logic -- no, you can't tell the difference, and, clearly, you like both. If the goal is to "get as close as possible" to the real thing, you like the real thing. You like the idea = you like IT, what ever it is.

This isn't as bad as it looks or sounds, though; it's human nature. In other, less-civilised countries around the world, what we describe as 'pedophilia' isn't illegal. In fact, in some cultures, it's condoned, and (although rare) accepted and promoted. Here in the US, crimes against children are illegal for many reasons, but the basis for all of them revolves around our understanding of the situation and circumstances. To begin with, we're an extremely civilised race (America, yay!), we lead the world in Human Rights, (perceived) innovations, and most importantly, Freedom. Because we are not consciously Animals (although we ALL are, and we can't help it!), we now understand the consequences of crimes against children, especially when they are sexual in nature. The pain of the act itself is, in essence, an assault on one's person. The aftermath, both physical and mental, can be debilitating, and even fatal. We would be Animals if we ignored these consequences, and denied justice to a victim. Therefore, we make laws that make it illegal. (Islamic law is actually better at dealing with it, though. )

Now, our new-age witch hunt is Pedophilia. It's such a hot topic because people love sex, and love talking about other people's sexual acts -- it takes away from their feelings of inadequacy, or embarrassment about their own. Thanks to the media, it's continued to be a cultural hot cup o' convo, but the cold fact remains that MANY more people than you could ever imagine, would do something with a minor. Oh, sure, everyone (Not just ABDLs, EVERYONE) would deny it 'til they're blue in the face, but if it wasn't illegal, or someone knew they could get away with it, they'd probably do it. Because, let's face it -- we're still animals. For example, (since food and sex are two important tenets of an animal's survival) Let's say you're in the produce section of your local grocery store: There's two heads of lettuce on top of the heap. Both are bagged. Both are probably from the same field, and were probably picked by the same Migrant Worker with TB. But one has a fresher date than the other. Maybe a couple of days, but, in terms of lettuce -- why, that's a significant amount of time! Are you honestly gonna tell me that you're gonna pick the older head of lettuce? The other is fresher, newer, and probably tastes better. As an animal, I'm very certain of which one you'd pick.

Is this a very good analogy? Not really, but, I think you get my point. Everyone likes younger, fresher. The real demon is how you're going about it.

Our laws keep us moving forward -- policing ourselves for the betterment of mankind. So, to be circular, you're gonna do things with your wife, who is a consenting adult because A) You couldn't have the real LG even if you wanted it because B ) It's illegal and you don't wanna goto prison. That's scary!

Like I said, only you know what you'd really do, and how you deal with that is all ON you.

PS, if you really want to sort out how you feel about real LGs and consenting adults, I think a trip to Thailand should help you make up your mind.

[BabyBat]

I am a little confused by your response Tris. Are you saying that being sexual with children is normal and we dont do it because it is illegal?

I do not think I would. That is not fair to her, it is not my innocence to take and she is in no position to give it.

What I like are adults acting like LGs, there is a difference [at least in my mind], and I do see a line. However what I am having trouble with is justifying how I feel. What makes me any better than a guy who wants to goto Thailand [as you put it]?

I guess one of the big differences that I see now [by thinking through this reply] is the mindset of LG. I guess it really comes down to an adult that acts (dresses, etc) like a LG. There is a small attitude difference.

I am not sure if this helps my guilt or not, but it is definatley progress. Thank you Tris.

[tommee]

I don't think we can provide the justification you are looking for, i think this is something you need to figure out by yourself. All I'm preaching mate is self acceptance. You know you haven't done anything illegal, and looking at AB/DL pornography is not illegal. You don't want to fuck kids, I'm hoping none of us here do. I don't think a paedo would be happy with AB/DL porn, either. As the focus is completely different. The almost complete lack of sex wouldn't appeal for someone into sexual dominance. Remember, we are adult babies. We want our childhood back, not to steal it from someone else, as you rightly put.

I'm not sure if tris has gotten his point across as succinctly as he'd hoped. It is a little disturbing. I know the law isn't the only thing preventing me from having sex with children. The lack of secondary sexual characteristics, for one, is pretty off putting.

[BabyBat]

I don't think we can provide the justification you are looking for, i think this is something you need to figure out by yourself. All I'm preaching mate is self acceptance. You know you haven't done anything illegal, and looking at AB/DL pornography is not illegal.

Yes I know this. More than anything I just wanted to 'talk it out' Like I have stated several times before I am going in circles. You know how sometimes you can try and explain something over and over to someone and then someone else says something you wouldn't even think of and then it just clicks. A lot of times that click happens after I absorb things people have said and I keep going over and over it in my head.

I thank you all for indulging my circular logic and bumps.

[tommee]

My pleasure man, it helps me too, looking at myself through these forums.

Good Luck!

[sarah_ab]

why do you like the tv shows you watch?

why do you like your favourite books?

why do you like your favourite food? favourite drink? favourite place to go on vacation?

why do you like anything?

we can describes the things we like about our favourites, we can describe the feelings we get when enjoying them, but we will never know WHY we like them...

so do you waste your time worrying why you like pickles and mayonaise on wheat bread and no one else does? do you feel guilty that you like a movie everyone else thought was lame?

does the fact that only you enjoy something and not your friends stop you from enjoying it, even if you are alone?

so why waste your time worrying about just another 'like'......

[BabyBat]

why do you like the tv shows you watch?

why do you like your favourite books?

why do you like your favourite food? favourite drink? favourite place to go on vacation?

so why waste your time worrying about just another 'like'......

I guess I am worried because it isn't just like a TV show or pepsi, but you bring up an excellent point. If I know that would never harm a child then why should *I* worry about it?

[sarah_ab]

but how is it any different than any other thing you like in your life?

It isn't that complicate really.. you like something, you enjoy something, this something causes neither you, nor the other person any harm, and you only engage in thissomething with another person if they consent to it...

sorta like drinking pepsi, or watching your favourite tv show....

just stop complicating it so much and get on with enjoying it! imagine, if instead of agonizing over it, you spent that time enjoy it!!!

[ADaddy]

anybody know why like 80% of ab/dl's are guys?

[BabyBat]

anybody know why like 80% of ab/dl's are guys?

For the sexual side of things I have heard this theory: the sex organs are external so they get more sexual stimulation from a diaper. You are wearing a diaper when your neuropathways are being formed so it is the first sexual experience for some.

[Bee]

anybody know why like 80% of ab/dl's are guys?

After being on the board for a year, and reading a lot, and thinking about it, I've seen a couple theories.

One is that it's a lot more socially acceptable for girls to act younger than they really are. If you can legitimately wear footie pajamas and jump into your fluffy pink bed that's overflowing with stuffed animals without it raising many eyebrows, it's less likely that you'll go looking online for other people who will accept that side of you. Like in an episode of The Big Bang Theory, the hot neighbor chick berates the boys for still having action figures, but she has Care Bears, My Little Ponies, and is wearing Hello Kitty pajamas.

Another is that, for one week per month, woman are uncontrollably leaking from between their legs. Granted, it's blood, not urine, but still. So when you have a period, and grow up hearing pads compared to diapers, there's less likelihood to attach a fetish to it. And more opportunity to secretly indulge aspects, if you have one.

I'm no expert, or anything--and I am into the fetish--but both ideas seem reasonable to me.

[BabyBat]

One is that it's a lot more socially acceptable for girls to act younger than they really are. If you can legitimately wear footie pajamas and jump into your fluffy pink bed that's overflowing with stuffed animals without it raising many eyebrows, it's less likely that you'll go looking online for other people who will accept that side of you. Like in an episode of The Big Bang Theory, the hot neighbor chick berates the boys for still having action figures, but she has Care Bears, My Little Ponies, and is wearing Hello Kitty pajamas.

I think this is spot on, I like this idea Bee.

[ultrapampers]

For the sexual side of things I have heard this theory: the sex organs are external so they get more sexual stimulation from a diaper. You are wearing a diaper when your neuropathways are being formed so it is the first sexual experience for some.

I agree with (and have long held) the same theory. I can't pinpoint exactly what triggered this fetish in me, but I've had it since I was about five years old. My first memories related to the fetish were wanting diapers to "play" with (that's what I told my parents), which meant to lay on them and rub up and down on them. I had no idea at the time why that felt so good, but it did, and I was hooked. It's become far more than just a sexual thing for me, as I really love the comfort and security of diapers now, but that sexual connection is still undeniably there.

I think it's entirely possible that diaper movement--especially when the diaper is drug over the penis during diaper changes--can result in our first sexual stimulation (totally unintentional, of course--I hardly blame my parents for my fetish!). That's much less likely to happen with female genitalia, though not impossible.

[Bee]

I think this is spot on, I like this idea Bee.

It seems to make the most sense to me. If something never seems forbidden or "strange" there's less chance you have to go looking somewhere to indulge it.

As for your original question on this thread, I can only tell you what I think about it.

The thought of someone being sexually attracted to a child is sickening. Of course it is, as a species, we want to protect our children, and their innocence.

But being attracted to an adult making a conscious decision to act in childlike manner is different. There's, to my mind, as much an attraction to the willing release of control and responsibility as to the release of urine into a diaper. And I know in my personal fantasies--while I'm not always myself--I'm always someone of consenting age acting much younger. It's the power exchange that really makes it work for me. That, and the difference in emphasis from normal D&S trappings. Not everyone has a lot of personal emotional connotation with leather and whips, but all of us started out in some form of baby clothes and diapers.

I'm not sure I said that very well, but I know I don't feel guilty about wanting to play a baby girl to a Daddy or Mommy. And I don't feel like they're wrong for wanting to play that role to me. Because it's so totally and completely separate from actual children, actual parents, that a comparison doesn't even enter my mind, until someone else brings it up.