Disinterested In Sex

[whiterabbit1023]

This is really doesn't have a lot to do with AB things or anything, but I couldn't think of a better place to ask for help than here. One of the great aspects of the AB/DL community is how helpful everyone is to serious questions...and some of those fun not so serious ones lol.

I have been dating a girl for over 6 months now, she knows, and loves the diapered side of my life...even will indulge my sissy/fem desires at times. I really like being with her, there is no greater joy in my life than spending time with her. I feel naked when she isn't around or in bed with me, and I have never felt safer than when I am her "baby." We have a very active sex life, until recently, being with each other at least 3 times a day in some way or another. The past month or so, I have really backed away from sex. I have been with several women, and probably had sex well over 2k times....but its really not a big deal to me.

The majority of the act I am faking interest, going as far as to pretending to moan, faking orgasms, and generally feigning pleasure. Not to say I don't enjoy sex, it feels great...but i think i have problems connecting that I am having sex with a woman, not just a being...i really don't equate a difference between masturbating and actual sex it feels like sometimes. I feel so detached from my partner...after finishing I have to put on a fake smile and cuddle when really I would just rather get dressed and leave...immediately. At near any given time i would much rather just cuddle with my girlfriend than actually have intercourse with her or just not doing anything period. Which is a problem in the act itself, she wants a manly man to just take her against the wall or table...which I have done to indulge her, but its hard for me when I would rather just leave her be.

I feel guilty about not enjoying "vanilla" sex let alone rough sex, while i enjoy diaper sex (whatever that entails) with her. And recently I have been feeling horrible about enjoying strap ons, sissy and fem things because she is on this big kick about how she thinks I am gay...and it wouldn't surprise her if i left her for a guy. Which is udder bullshit in my opinion seeing that I am with women, enjoy women, and have never been with a guy...not to say I wouldn't, but unless you are Jared Leto, I am not going to be with a guy.

During sex I am so focused on pleasing her that I kind of consider my own orgasm to be a failure, whether it be 5, 15, or 45 minutes in. She rarely orgasms no matter how long we have sex, or the techniques and toys I employ...and not to be arrogant or anything, I feel that I am pretty good at my craft. I feel like a failure when she doesn't orgasm, which is 75% of the time...so much that I would rather abstain from sex entirely than not get her off. I don't why I am even typing anymore, because this question turned more into a vent, which I kind of needed I guess.

To sum it up with a question...I feel really detached and disinterested during sex, anyone know what to do? Or if i should seek help? I am only 20 and feel like I should be like YEA!!! SEX!!!! SEX!!! SEX!!! Joe from Family Guy style....instead of like the stereotypical 45 year old suburban housewife. Get back to me with some ideas or just straight up sympathy lol.

[PampersPete]

First off,you're 20. You're a confused bundle of hormones. Be honest with her. Second,take it slow. You have plenty of time to fuck till the cows come home. Third,has it ever occured to you that you may have created a fantasy scenario in your mind that should just stay a fantasy? Fourth,maybe you don't love this girl and ruined it all by jumping into bed with her too soon. Believe me,I've done that MANY times. Fifth,sounds like you MAY be confused with your sexuality. I'm certainly not going to call someone I don't know a fag,and I believe you when you say you're not gay but remember,you're 20-MANY guys have come out of the closet after repressing their true sexual urges for years just to keep up appearences. Just some food for thought.

[naughty_baby]

I'm having the same feeling. Don't know if its the same for a girl, but me and my bf used to have sex like every night then my daughter was born it cut right down but as she got older and slept through night our sex life was back on track but recently I really haven't felt like sex at all he's lucky if he gets it once a month now! I don't know why though, I'm not even pleasing myself at the moment if you get me, which I used to do (c'mon which girl doesnt!). But yeah, I've also felt disinterested and detached from sex.

Any other girls ever feel the same?

[DprDJeff]

I would seek help to be honest. I had a very similar problem in my younger days and it turned out I was depressed. I didn't feel depressed in the classical sense, but enough of the signs were there. I got some medication and therapy and before too long I was fine. Do some research online and see if it fits.

[tndyperboy]

I agree you should consider some help. My b/f had similar issues and it was a combination of mild depression and low testosterone. He now takes a low dose anti-depressant and uses a hormone gel everyday. He still has some erection issues from another medication he takes for migraines, but the "little blue pill" works just fine. Some can be dismissive about low sex drive, but what you describe isn't normal even for someone my age.

[wishing for diapers]

Over 2000 times? Assuming you started at 16 then that works out to about 6 times a day, every day.

He's 19, we all exaggerated at that age. Especially guys about how much sex they get

As far as the question at hand, i've gone on and off sex a few times over the ~15 years i've been with my wife. I think it is more a question of timing than anything else. It could be that you are settling down with your GF and sex isn't as important to your relationship (to you anyway) as it was. It could be just a mood that will pass. And as others have pointed out, it could be something more serious.

I would say first and foremost is to talk to your GF and tell her what is going on. Second, give sex a break for a few weeks to a month and see how you feel. If you still have zero interest, then you really should see a doctor and get checked out.

[DprDJeff]

I would say first and foremost is to talk to your GF and tell her what is going on. Second, give sex a break for a few weeks to a month and see how you feel. If you still have zero interest, then you really should see a doctor and get checked out.

I wouldn't wait to see a professional. If a medical condition is even possible, your first step should be seeing a doctor. If the doctor clears you of any medical conditions, THEN worry about other reasons.

[pax87]

Call Sue Johansen from Talk Sex...

But I do agree with DprdJeff

[sarah_ab]

you are 19 years old and not happy with the sex life yo have with your girlfriend.

end it and move on, you can stay friends with her, but obviously an intimate relationship is not in the cards for the two of you.

You cannot and obviously are not enjoying giving her what she needs, so stop forcing yourself to do it.

As for losing your sex drive, it happens, to EVERYONE, doesn't mean its going to stay that one. I'm guessing you are board with the current sexual relationship you are having and need to get out there and find another one.

as for the whole having sex three times aday.. dude you are just worn out.. i mean.. imagine eating pizza three times a day for months on end.. you'd get pretty sick of it after a while.. same thing happens with sex.

how about taking a 3-6 month hiatus, and then re evaluating your sex drive.

if you are seriously concerned its a physical problem, which it doesn't really sound like... talk to your primary care phycisian...

[Aurelius]

Honestly my sex drive for intercourse is tiny. I don't care about sex since I masturbate enough to keep the urge right off. The downside of that kind of approach in my sexuality is I don't care about girls at all. As I have said elsewhere I have recently been questioning myself on where my real sexuality lies (I'm very attracted to transgendered girls, much more so than actual girls).

But really,

Fairly strong fetish + pornography + gaming + booze + other easy pleasures >> relationship, relative to the desire to have a relationship. Many guys these days in this situation, and I'm one of them. I'm familiar with probably more guys who have never had relationships than who have. It's a little sad but that's how it goes these days. Forging a good relationship isn't 'necessary' and the general desire for people to be involved in something more than friendship seems to be shrinking (and even friendship). I dunno where this is all leading for a lot of people but it is a fact that people are getting lonier even though we talk to more people every day now than ever.

If you're having these sorts of low-sex-drive issues now, probably you will be even less inclined when hormones start to wear down, which is soon enough (the prime of our lives go like passing sparrows).

[langtab]

as for the whole having sex three times aday.. dude you are just worn out.. i mean.. imagine eating pizza three times a day for months on end.. you'd get pretty sick of it after a while.. same thing happens with sex.

I'd eat pizza three times a day for months on end... you should see my pizza budget! *Drools*

[pax87]

I never did.

That's cuz you're still 18.

[Nat]

Oh why must people make sex so important in their lives? It's over rated. I had an ex who used me for sex and the last thing I need to hear now is my bf asking me for sex and wanting it because I feel used then and he doesn't respect me. He says he does respect me so thank god he doesn't ask for it anymore. I want someone to love me for me, not love me for my body and have it for them to fuck and I am an object to them than a human being.

So who cares if someone has a low sex drive. If you do want to change that part of you because you aren't getting an erection, then go for it. If you do want to have kids, then it's important to have sex and have an erection and cum because that is the only way to make a child unless you want to adopt which is pretty expensive.

[PampersPete]

A tad insecure,are we?

[Nat]

No I am not insecure. I don't like pigs.

[Bettypooh]

Um, I have to admit the truth: Sex means almost nothing to me Being 'underendowed' for a guy I rarely get a second chance and rejection sucks. Few of my few sexual experiences brought orgasm on their own- only my wandering mind and fantasy brought it There may be an advantage to that if your mate is a nympho but otherwise it the least fun you'd ever want to never have again because it leaves your partner thinking that they've failed somehow Being TG has a lot to do with it too- I was never meant to be in the 'active role' in life or in bed- I'm the passive one but my body doesn't match up for that. Maybe one day I'll meet the opposite in a girl and then maybe things would change but at my age there's not much time for that to happen so as I've done for decades now I am not looking for sex. I'm looking for a good heart and love, deep and overwhelmingly strong. Whatever else goes along with that is fine by me as long as she doesn't chew tobacco or dip snuff If your lack of sex drive bothers you see a doctor- there are many reasons that can cause this and it may help you in other ways too If it doesn't bother you and you're otherwise healthy then you shouldn't worry about it as long as you're prepared to use 'other means' to keep your normal-libido partner happy

Bettypooh

[DprDJeff]

Please don't listen to the people saying it's not a big deal. No offense to them, but procreation is a basic human instinct, which is why sex is such a big seller. If you've always had a low sex drive, then maybe that is just normal for you. However, as you stated, you had a sex drive but lost it. That qualifies as a big change is definitely something for which you need to seek the advice of a physician. There are many serious conditions that can cause loss of sex drive. I would hate for you to delay and then find out down the road you have a serious condition that could have been helped if detected earlier.

[PampersPete]

No I am not insecure. I don't like pigs.

Anyone under the age of 30 who feels that sex is"overrated" is either a victim of serious sexual abuse or is terribly insecure. And insecurity can be considered by some to be a symptom of depression so I'm not saying insecurity over sex is really a bad thing per se.

[Nat]

I'm not depressed. I don't need it to be happy. My bf says he gets depressed without it so I'm trying to teach him he doesn't need sex to be happy and screw society and relationship rules. We can make our own rules. Too much touch overwhelms me so he can't hug me often or cuddle with me often. Too many people make sex so important in their lives and have to have it or else they are depressed they say (that's why its overrated), lot of men go after women and take them out and all they care about is sex, not the woman so they dump her and never go out with her again when she wouldn't give him sex. My bf told me no guy would wait six months to have sex so I told him "then I guess sex was all they were after." It's a good test to do on a guy just to see if he cares about you as a woman. If he leaves you because you didn't want sex, then sex was all he cared about. My bf waited six months to have sex with me so that meant he really does want me for me, not for my body and I'm not his object. After all some people do wait till marriage to have sex.

I am also trying to teach my bf, we don't need sex or lot of touch to be closer. Being together is good enough and makes it good, spending time together and going out together or doing stuff together is good enough. I'm more of a friendship person than a psychical person. I have also told him, if he wants lot of sex and wants lot of touch and affection, go find himself a normal woman. But he doesn't want a normal woman, he wants me.

[PampersPete]

OK. I can certainly respect your feelings. I'm not one to chase my lovers. I let them come to me so I can see your point. I can't however respect what you say about a man proving his love by not having sex for 6 months. That's playing a head game.

[paradox]

I will agree that sex is not over rated but people do have varying libidos that has nothing to do with abuse. No interest is normally a sign something else is going on.

[PampersPete]

I'll agree with that. I'm in no way trying to degrade anyone's opinion on this topic. I question my own sexuality constantly. I'm 33 years old and live with my GF/mommy,her husband(yes,you read that right and no he doesn't know)and her mother. With 4 people in the house(one who almost NEVER leaves unless she's with the other 3 for dinner),sex is either done on the really,really sly or it's $100 for an ocassional hotel room. Needless to say,I'm not having alot of sex these days. And that's alright. After having sex for 20 years,I'm fuckin' beat!

[sarah_ab]

and lets not forget those who are truely asexual and just have never had and most likely never will have any interest in sexual relations at all.

[Nat]

OK. I can certainly respect your feelings. I'm not one to chase my lovers. I let them come to me so I can see your point. I can't however respect what you say about a man proving his love by not having sex for 6 months. That's playing a head game.

I am very offended you would accuse me of playing a head game just because I wanted to wait six months to have sex. What if a guy were to say he was saving sex till mariage because he didn't beleive in sex before marriage, are you going to tell him he played a head game to his girlfriend who became his wife?

Face it, lot of men care about is sex only and will date women for sex. They don't really care about them. If they genuinely care about them, they will wait for the woman to decide to have sex with him. Even if it takes her a year to start having it with him. I know there are men out there who do care about women and will not date them for sex only. If the lady is right for them and they enjoy her company, they will wait for her to make the first move. I can't beleive you would call that a head game. You must be one of those men who go after sex then.

Yes there are women out there who are also pigs but I think it be harder to tell because most men already want sex so if the woman dates the guy for sex, they both would want it so it makes it harder to tell because they both did what they both wanted. It would only show if a guy happened to be asexual and a woman asks the wrong guy out and then gets bummed out he doesn't want it so she never dates him again.

[DL88]

Spokane, I agree with you that sex is overrated and I understand where you are coming from and all, just a word of advice when dealing with Pete.

Take everything he says with a grain of salt; dealing with him is like jacking off with sandpaper. Once you get used to it and you start to understand him he's ok, it just takes some getting used to.

P.S. Pete, want to go get some hookers and ice cream?