Changes In Life

[Terrym]

I was wondering if any one else has gone threw this. I have been married now for about 12 years and have three wonderful kids. I got married right out of High School and started to have kids at the age of 18. I did not tell my wife about my DL fetish at the beginning but waited a few years into are marriage to tell her, to this day she still does not like the fact that I'm a DL but she deals with it. At the beginning of are marriage we both grew together and both wanted to have kids so we got started, as are marriage progressed as the years went on we both started to realize that we weren't going in the same direction any more and two time we have corrected are paths to make things work out. But now after 12 years we both realize that we are two different people now.

The two times in the past this has happened has been because of other people entering are lives. But this time it's different it's not because of other people we both just want changes. For the past two months I have been trying all sorts of thing and trying to make changes but nothing is working. I'm at point now I don't know what to do. I have talked to my wife and she has expressed that she is frustrated with life that she is not where she wants or intended to be, and we both agree now that we did have kids at to young of a age. She is to the point where she just want to start all over again ( Start living her life ) and I don't know how to help her with that or if that is even something I can help with.

I really do think its only a matter of time before she leaves and I'm sadden by this cause I'm loosing a wife that I have loved for over 12 years. At what point of sacrifices should some one make to make some one else happy.

I don't post much on the forms I mostly just brows and looks at pics, just wanted to say hi and maybe good bye, I might have to put this life style behind ( if I can ). I have found in my 16 years of this fetish that there are not to many women that share this life style, for those who are lucky and have one cherish them cause they are rare.

[sarah_ab]

first off, i am sorry you are going through this rough patch.

i just wanted to offer my own bit of advice, however, if may not be the best advice for you or your wife as i do not know the circumstances intimately..

First off, i think its important for both you and your wife to think about where you want to go in your individual lives first. You say she is ready for a change, and it seems you want something different than you did at 18. If you can both realize what it is you want, you might be able to find ways to support each other in attaining those goals.

Marriage is not going to be a cake walk, and there are going to be rough patches and hard times, it sounds like you have gone through a few of those before and perhaps did not completely work out the problems, but just pushed them aside.

I would recommend maybe seeing a counselor, separately and together. Separately so you can each discover where it is you both feel you want to be in life, where you see yourself, and together so you can discuss those feelings that are driving a wedge between you.

Unfortunately you both chose to marry and having children and so neither of you can just 'start your life over' as you will always have three children together. Instead you need to find ways to grow within the relationship and the family you have now.

I'm not saying its going to be easy, marriage's are hard hard work. And i'm not saying you may be able to work things out, but i would think it was worth you both giving your best to better understand each other.

I do wish you well, and hope you and your wife can find away to work through this period in our lives.

[Guest dllightning]

For better, or for worse.

For richer, or for poorer.

In sickness, and in health.

The sacred institution of marriage... people are less honorable these days- going from whim to whim, being swayed to and fro by every notion of this world.

Terrym,

Seek counseling ASAP. YOU ARE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE! If you weren't you would not be an individual. Marriage isn't about two people becoming one personality- it is about two becoming "united." You will have to die to yourselves. It is not 50/50 you both give all. As the man, you are responsible FIRST to uphold and foster your marriage. You are the initiator. You will have to work to make your marriage what it is supposed to be. If she isn't willing, that's her choice. You are called to love your wife as one would care for his own body.

Do you talk together regularly on issues not pertaining to diapers or your current problems?

Do you have a "date night" once a week?

Are you loving her they way she received love the most?

I agree that you may need to put the diapers down and poor your efforts into your union.

[Three Rivers]

first off, i am sorry you are going through this rough patch.

i just wanted to offer my own bit of advice, however, if may not be the best advice for you or your wife as i do not know the circumstances intimately..

First off, i think its important for both you and your wife to think about where you want to go in your individual lives first. You say she is ready for a change, and it seems you want something different than you did at 18. If you can both realize what it is you want, you might be able to find ways to support each other in attaining those goals.

Marriage is not going to be a cake walk, and there are going to be rough patches and hard times, it sounds like you have gone through a few of those before and perhaps did not completely work out the problems, but just pushed them aside.

I would recommend maybe seeing a counselor, separately and together. Separately so you can each discover where it is you both feel you want to be in life, where you see yourself, and together so you can discuss those feelings that are driving a wedge between you.

Unfortunately you both chose to marry and having children and so neither of you can just 'start your life over' as you will always have three children together. Instead you need to find ways to grow within the relationship and the family you have now.

I'm not saying its going to be easy, marriage's are hard hard work. And I'm not saying you may be able to work things out, but i would think it was worth you both giving your best to better understand each other.

I do wish you well, and hope you and your wife can find away to work through this period in our lives.

As Sarah stated marriage isn't always easy, and no you just can't start over. I have been married for 29 years now, and believe me it has it's ups and downs at times. A counselor would be my best advice, you need to talk it out with a third party. I wish you and your wife the very best.

[I M Soaked]

I am currently going through the same thing with my wife of 14 years, thogh we started later in life, we are currently seperated, due to my fetish with diapers. The weird thing is that she needs them and refuses to wear them and I just like to wear them. If I could just get her to comprimise, so we could both be comfertable in our daily live things would be great.

[wishing for diapers]

At what point of sacrifices should some one make to make some one else happy.

Really that is only something you and your wife can decide. In the end, you both need to accept both yourselves and each other because while you can certainly change in the short term and possibly even change some small things for good, the big pieces that make you who you are will always come back. And if you (or she) are trying to suppress what makes you you, then over time it will build and make things that much worse (either you take the frustration out in some way, you let those traits resurface and that causes problems, etc..). Another thing to consider is that while she might like to point at your diapers as "the" problem, in actuality if it wasn't them it would probably be something else. The problem is that there is a problem (which neither of you may actually know or understand fully) and anything that gets pointed at is usually just a symptom rather than the underlying cause. It's always easier to focus on something that is already out there than to dig around and find more.

Marriage and relationships are obviously successful through compromise, however if most of the compromise (or at least the big parts, e.g. changing someone's psyche) is on one side that will likely grow into bitterness and regret. By all means compromise and change those things that you think should be changed anyway, but make sure that she is A) making equal changes on her side and B ) understands what you are trying to give up (in the case of diapers) and what it really means to you.

It is an unfortunate fact, however, that many marriages that start that young (and especially that start having kids that young) either don't last or are very difficult. The problem is that at that age, we (in general) still haven't figured out what we really want or even who we are.

While I understand her desire to start over, as others have pointed out it just isn't possible for her to do that with kids in the picture. I am not advocating staying together for the kids (talk about something that doesn't end well), but you both MUST remember that first and foremost your lives are about being good parents for them regardless if it is together or apart.

As is always suggested in these types of threads (and already has been in this one), get counseling. Even if she isn't willing to go herself or attend marriage counseling, get some for yourself. Even if counseling can't help fix your marriage, there is a good chance you can use it to find out more about yourself as well as having some help to get you through what could be a very tough time in your life.

As far as giving up diapers, again, only you can make that decision. If you've been around long enough, you will have seen plenty of people that have sworn it off but ended up coming back to it again (I myself swore it off for almost 2 years once). I'm not saying it can't be done, but you need to go into it fully understanding that 2 months or 2 years down the road you most likely will get the urge to come back to it again. If it is something you do want to give up, again I suggest working with a therapist both to get started as well as on an ongoing basis to deal with the potential backslides.

Hope some of that helps.

[FretaBWet]

Hi TerryM, Yes I have gone through this. I was married at 19 and didn't tell my spouse about my gender issues or my love of /desire of diapers until after and even there it was through "experimentation" not something I admitted to doing all along. My marriage lasted almost 3 years and we had 3 children together. My spouse indulged my proclivities begrudgingly but I thought everything was okay on the whole. She asked me for a trial separation and I moved out and we went to a counselor together. Unfortunately for me the counselor was biased against men who wore their wife clothes and made me the bad guy. This was what my spouse really wanted because what her agenda was was a divorce on her terms not a separation where we work things out.

Obviously, your asking about other people's experience because you want to learn from someone else's mistakes. This is very intelligent. I would agree with the others that you both need some counseling but I would also advise you to be very careful with who you decide to see. You wouldn't just pick a car mechanic by closing your eyes and pointing randomly to one in the phone book. You shouldn't choose a counselor/therapist that way either. You need to realize that even though they are professionals they are human beings first and subject to the same flaws we are. Find one with experience dealing with this type of issue. I went from our couples therapist who pretty much made me out to be a perv, and thought my spouse's best course was to get me out of her and my chilidren's lives to a therapist that made me see that I was a worthwhile human being and a good person.

I wanted my marriage to survive and was devastated at it's demise. The second piece of advice I would like to give you is that if things don't go the way you would like them to go right now don't let that get you down, like me you can't see the future. If your marriage does end your life will continue and you have the power to make it better than it was. Good luck to the both of you.

Hugs,

Freta

[tris]

Profile to the left says you're 26 . . . minus the twelve years of marriage, that makes you all of 14 at the time of wedlock? And you managed to fuck for four of (both!) your most fertile years and not produce children until age 18? Nice.

Are = transitive verb, state of being. 'Our' as in, "Our marriage". Between your lies, poor math, and language skills -- Shit, I'd leave you, too!

Seriously, though -- See a counselor, but I'd suggest a sex therapist. Since this is most likely a sexually-based difference, someone elses' advice on how best to approach this could be an important part of keeping your love alive. If you've been together that long, I'm sure at least one of you knows how to please the other in all the right ways. Perhaps some romance is in order? I'd also suggest a trip to the bedroom of the nearest adolescent -- whatever they've got hidden will probably do the trick.

Be adventurous together. Make things exciting like they used to be! The magic CAN return, if you let it. Try to better understand one another, and learn to compromise while meeting each others' needs.

You know what else sucks right now? This country. Times are tough. People everywhere are hurting, and unfortunately, all these Life's Painful Distractions tend to cloud our vision of what's really important. More than people need money, or bailouts, or black presidents, people need each other. People need the ones they've always been able to count on, now, more than ever. BE that person, whoever you are, or will be.

[Terrym]

Profile to the left says you're 26 . . . minus the twelve years of marriage, that makes you all of 14 at the time of wedlock? And you managed to fuck for four of (both!) your most fertile years and not produce children until age 18? Nice.

Are = transitive verb, state of being. 'Our' as in, "Our marriage". Between your lies, poor math, and language skills -- Shit, I'd leave you, too!

First off if you would of looked at my profile then you would of noticed I am 30 not 26. Second what lies are you taking about? I might not have the best language skills and this is true but hay no one is prefect.

[Aurelius]

It is not 50/50 you both give all. As the man, you are responsible FIRST to uphold and foster your marriage. You are the initiator.

He's an equal in the partnership, he is EQUALLY responsible to uphold and foster the marriage. Either one of you might be the initiator. If we're going for gender equality in society it is absurd to have this kind of mentality for a male partner, that he must be the stronger. It doesn't work that way these days and it can't. Many wives earn more than their husbands and are much more dominant than their husbands. Well, in married cases (not so many of those, these days).

I would rather die than marry.

My suggestion is get counselling immediately and develop a plan on what to do before this turns into an extremely ugly divorce which will be much more painful for both of you.

[PampersPete]

FACT: 50%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's 5 with a big 'ole 0 after it....50% of ALL marriages fail!. My advice to all you youngsters,don't get fucking married! If the bitch says she'll leave you if you don't commit,fuck her! Right in her uptight asshole! There are PLENTY of sharks in the sea. Plus,look on the bright side...prostitutes aren't cheap but neither is a divorce

[Guest dllightning]

FACT: 50%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's 5 with a big 'ole 0 after it....50% of ALL marriages fail!. My advice to all you youngsters,don't get fucking married! If the bitch says she'll leave you if you don't commit,fuck her! Right in her uptight asshole! There are PLENTY of sharks in the sea. Plus,look on the bright side...prostitutes aren't cheap but neither is a divorce

Bad Past Experience Pete?

[PampersPete]

Not been married myself because I refuse to put up with bullshit. Even if it's from someone I love. I like older woman because they tend to play less head games. It comes with maturity. My GF/mommy has tried to play head games and I told her in so many words,keep it up and I'll walk right out the door and never look back. She knows I'm serious so she changed her tune The human race wasn't designed to get married. Men are hunters and gatherers by nature. Marriage is the result of religion. One more tool to keep men from uprising. My GF is still married. Her and her husband should not be married. They're more friends than anything.

[ArtemisEnterri]

I am currently going through the same thing with my wife of 14 years, thogh we started later in life, we are currently seperated, due to my fetish with diapers. The weird thing is that she needs them and refuses to wear them and I just like to wear them. If I could just get her to comprimise, so we could both be comfertable in our daily live things would be great.

Hey, I M Soaked, that sounds like my situation: My wife has bedwetting problems (and can quite thoroughly soak the bed at night) but refuses to wear any form of protection (other than her normal panties and maxipads) because of my interests in diapers. She used to wear when we started our relationship (in the late 90s) but then around 03/04, she somehow got it in her head that 1: I liked the diapers more than her, and 2: that my interest in diapers was to mock her for her wetting problem. Both of those are totally false. For one thing, I told her about my diaper interests long before I found out about her wetting problem. And diapers can't love me back, so why would I love an inanimate object more than my wife?

And I'm nearly in the same boat as Terry, my wife has threatened me with the big D a few times, but at least we don't have any kids yet (at least not biologically, we have custody of a friend's child since the friend isn't mentally stable to be a parent). I'm not going to give up my marriage, but at the same time I don't want to give up diapers either (I'm only a DL, never had the chance to try the AB side).

[Aurelius]

FACT: 50%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's 5 with a big 'ole 0 after it....50% of ALL marriages fail!. My advice to all you youngsters,don't get fucking married! If the bitch says she'll leave you if you don't commit,fuck her! Right in her uptight asshole! There are PLENTY of sharks in the sea. Plus,look on the bright side...prostitutes aren't cheap but neither is a divorce

A poorly-expressed and cynical view, but I agree. And I think it's more than that; closer to 65%.

Also, many marriages are profoundly unhappy (as a proportion probably no less than the day when marriage was mortally sinful).

Marriage is a broken institution with no value, worth or meaning these days. Probably you are capable of financially supporting yourself. Probably she is. Probably you are. But marriages are so easily and readily broken (divorce law only makes things worse now, in my opinion). And the issues of where this leaves the children is terrible too and can only be worse now that marriage has all but collapsed.