Advice From Ab Mom

[Mommy Michelle]

hello

i am just wondering before i met my ab/husband repaid1. i never heard of this lifestyle. He told me after 3 dates about infantilism and him being an AB. He gave me that choice i could research on the internet ans then make my decision about if i wanted to be with him. understand what my baby needed from me, due to i saw a man body but want me to treat him as a baby. But i think i am getting bettter as a mommy, I have also learne to reach out on here for advice an in the chat room. At first it was hard to I am lucky to say that we will be married three years in May.

After saying all that, i am so confused on why is it difficult for a lot of people to tell there partners early on if you have known for years. i have read a lot of post of people tell their partner and kin of expect them to accept it immediately. But put yourself in their in shoes, the person that you would keep a big part of their life seperate from yours. That would make anyone think what else could they be keeping. be honest from the start and be true to yourself when telling a love one. Respect their feelings that may not come around right away but if you give them time and listen to how they feel. The may accept it and want to be a bigger part of your life or they may accept it and let this be something you by yourself or they may not want any part of it. But the most important part is let them make the decision.

So my advice to those who want to tell the one they love be honest about how you feel as an AB or DL and tell them how you feel early on. When someone loves you they will love all of you, just do try to hide it that may hurt the one you love or yourself in the long run

[curiositykilledthecat]

Part of it is getting to that point or finding soembody who you just click with like that where the open honest communication can be delivered in a non judgmental forum.

[pbaby]

I think its the fear of rejection that makes people wait to tell. i told my wife before me were married that at one time i wore diapers she was not happy about it so i said i don't do it any more even though i had all along and it took me 4 years of being married to tell her that i still did and she is ok with it now to some extent.But if i would have told her i did while dating i don't think we would be together today an ab's biggest fear is rejection I still have problems letting my true fealings show.

[hidden]

i still need to meet someone before worrying about telling them at this point.

[MusicBABY180]

It's one of my fears. I'm already an unattractive person, with this on my forehead, I'm afraid to be open with any girl. Thats why I haven't started a relationship, I'm too afraid of all my flaws (or in this case, what seems to be out of the norm for many people)

It's something I have to overcome, but it's difficult to be open with anybody about this. I fear rejection.

[biggs]

I recently told my partner, after 18 months together, although I had mentioned it before 6 months previous, but it took 6 months to really bring it out.

Why didn't I tell her before? Probably because the lust overpowered my ab/dl side, and for a while, I wasn't interested in it, and didn't feel the need to tell her.

Now I have told her, she is of course warey of it, and we're taking things slow, one step at a time. When i told her, I didn't expect to suddenly have a mummy, or even to be able to fully be an ab aaround her, but it's a journey we'll take together.

[diaperedandspanked]

Good advice but...how do you tell your wife that this diaper wearing desire came along after you've been married twenty years? I never had any desire to be in a diaper until after coming across the idea on the internet. Then all of a sudden it's like "hey, that looks like fun, I want to be in a diaper too" I did bring it up to her once, she very unhappily diapered me..once, so the issue was more or less dropped. I did receive some mixed signals from her though. She told me if I wanted to wear one I could, but...I figured it would become a problem of some sort at a later time so I told her no, I didn't need to. (dumb, dumb, dumb) So I just wear whenever she's not around. Not something I do on a daily basis, maybe a few times a month, but so far, have kept it hidden. If she does know anything, she hasn't mentioned it. I suppose the time is coming that I'll have to tell her, we don't keep secrets from each other so this entire thing would be better off out in the open. I feel guilty hiding it from her for this long (3-4 years). Oh well, time will tell, if I do tell her she probably won't even make a big deal out of it....but then again who knows.

[Baby Bethany]

So my advice to those who want to tell the one they love be honest about how you feel as an AB or DL and tell them how you feel early on. When someone loves you they will love all of you, just do try to hide it that may hurt the one you love or yourself in the long run

I agree 100% mommy michelle, telling my partner was the best thing I ever did........living a lie is soul destroying. However, it still took me 12 years to actually tell her. Why did I wait so long? Well, I wanted to tell her in the first few months we were together, but telling a partner you like wearing diapers, oh and by the way can you put me in a dress and call me a girls name too? Well, that's not exactly an easy subject to approach.

We're all scared of rejection and in my case I'd already had my fingers burned once (I told me ex gf and she walked out on me because she was so freaked out). I was scared of being rejected again and losing my wife, I was scared of looking stupid and maybe losing some of her respect, or having her think she'd married a weirdo. So I put it off, year after year after year. I always intended on telling her and sometimes tried subtle hints (too subtle, because she didn't get it lol), but I just couldn't bring myself to tell her. Eventually I got so fed up with the whole thing that it was starting to make me depressed, I was also getting a bit slack in hiding my stuff (maybe I subconsciously wanted her to find it?) so I just decided that I couldn't live like that anymore and decided to tell her. I did, and she wasn't that bothered......after 12 years of dilemma she wasn't bothered by it. Don't get me wrong, she didn't understand why I do it......that took many months of learning about AB/DL. But we did it together almost immediately and she quite liked it from the beginning. Okay, I admit it could have gone the other way and she may have left me. But I had reached a point when I just couldn't live a lie anymore.

Beth

[Baby Bethany]

It's one of my fears. I'm already an unattractive person, with this on my forehead, I'm afraid to be open with any girl. Thats why I haven't started a relationship, I'm too afraid of all my flaws (or in this case, what seems to be out of the norm for many people)

It's something I have to overcome, but it's difficult to be open with anybody about this. I fear rejection.

Few of us are truly unattractive. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder and most people will be more interested (long term) in your personality than the way you look (as long as you're clean and wearing clean clothes lol). Being the best looking guy in the bar will attract women to you, but few of them will date you more than a couple of times unless you have an interesting personality to go with the looks.

I'm no oil painting (I wouldn't say I'm ugly, but I'm not Johnny Depp either lol) but I always found the best way to meet women was to just go and talk to them. Forget smooth lines (you're not James Bond) just talk to them like you would anyone else.....and talk to lots of them, that's the key. Don't make the mistake most of my friends did and stand around at the bar looking at a pretty girl all night and trying to think what you can say to her (only for her to leave before you can think of something that sounds smooth enough to impress her lol). Be confident, be yourself, talk to lots of girls and show an interest in what they have to say.......don't just talk about yourself all night. Don't get me wrong, it's not fool proof, some girls will blank you and some will just be polite, but some will enjoy talking to you and some will enjoy talking to you so much they will agree to meet you for a drink or a movie.

Confidence is also attractive, so stop putting yourself down and focus on your good points.

Beth

[Guest Pizaz]

I told my current gf after we were together about 4 months. That felt like a long enough time for the lines of communication to truly be open. She's still wary of it to this day (more than 4 years together), and sometimes I feel like I'm not getting enough reciprocation in the relationship because of it, but at the same time, you're right, I respect her feelings that a wet diaper is gross to her and she has no interest in changing it. But at the same time, I can wear diapers around her openly and act like a baby when I want, and sometimes she'll indulge me and put me in a diaper.

So yes, honest communication is the key here. Weigh the pros and cons -- you don't really have much to lose by telling, and plenty to gain.

[Aurelius]

My plan is to, at the right, calculated moment (no hard-and-fast rules on this) approach this in the most honest and tender way possible in either:

1) Clear and proper conversation one-on-one, probably at her place to make her feel it's on her terms. I will specify that I am coming specifically to tell her about it and that it's a big and potentially difficult topic (but also one potentially rewarding) and give her probably my toughest and hardest conversation ever, but without desperation or force, outlining everything and not stopping until I am satisfied everything is perfectly understood

2) IM conversation - just lacking in depth, prone to failure I believe but if I don't have the courage, might have to. Benefit of being a little less confrontational but generally considered perv-y and scary/odd.

In rejection, let it go. Nothing was lost. Except time, but that's how life goes.

You will always be better understood in a proper conversation on this and I strongly reccommend everyone do so. There have been countless posts on how to do this but as long as you think everything through first and really just be fully prepared for 'coming out' to her and any possible fallout. I like light and almost informal relationships anyhow - I would hate a clingy, demanding partner (although spending quality time together is great) - and so I plan to take things slowly and only after establishing clearly that it can work in the first place (seperating logic from those chemicals is a soul-wrenching thing to do but one of the only ways to be sure a relationship can last in the medium-long term).

I suppose to give an indication I often come across cold and calculated but I always say what I mean and mean what I say and people who know me know I'm actually pretty soft and I expect would not leave me after being told how I am and what my expectations (quite minimal) are. Basically I expect them to let me wear under most circumstances, but with complete caution and safety (I take this very seriously and nobody has found out or can find out, as far as I'm convinced) and not to involve her at all beyond eventually considering trying them on in a non-sexual context (eg cuddling together, or some other likeable, ordinary thing) some months after telling her and talking about it in a friendly, clear way.

The more I think about it the more confident I am that it can be done. I know a proper understanding can be reached if the situation is right. If not, well, another ~300 million where that came from

[diaperpt]

Good advice but...how do you tell your wife that this diaper wearing desire came along after you've been married twenty years? I never had any desire to be in a diaper until after coming across the idea on the internet. Then all of a sudden it's like "hey, that looks like fun, I want to be in a diaper too" I did bring it up to her once, she very unhappily diapered me..once, so the issue was more or less dropped. I did receive some mixed signals from her though. She told me if I wanted to wear one I could, but...I figured it would become a problem of some sort at a later time so I told her no, I didn't need to. (dumb, dumb, dumb) So I just wear whenever she's not around. Not something I do on a daily basis, maybe a few times a month, but so far, have kept it hidden. If she does know anything, she hasn't mentioned it. I suppose the time is coming that I'll have to tell her, we don't keep secrets from each other so this entire thing would be better off out in the open. I feel guilty hiding it from her for this long (3-4 years). Oh well, time will tell, if I do tell her she probably won't even make a big deal out of it....but then again who knows.

I'm in a similar spot. I'd been married many, many years before I began this. My urge to wear has grown over time and I now wear to work about 4 times a week. I have strong reason to expect knowledge of my diapers would tip our marriage upside down. We have a decent relationship, but she has never shown any interest in anything outside of pure vanilla relationships. Further, she has shown that she is in fact intolerant of a great number of things - for instance, saying "If I ever came home to find you in my underwear, I'd walk out the door!" (I wouldn't think of testing the theory that it is ok that I buy my own... and as for diapers?? ...I don't think there's a chance!)

For most, it does seem like bringing this up in the relative early stages of a relationship is a good thing.

[ColoradoIceman]

I believe that the sooner, the better, someone is told, the better. How to break the ice is the problem. I know people want companionship FIRST. And so they tend to bury certain feelings. But those feelings always come out sooner or later and need to be addressed. If a guy tells a girl that he likes to wear diapers, it might be a deal breaker but SO WHAT? Those people were not compatiable. But the problem is now, the man might worry that the girl will blab it all over. And their image would be distroyed. I think men might be more accepting of an AB girl because the way we are wired, for sex. It would just be sexual play for us guys. Women are looking for a commitment and someone who in lean times can take care of a family, not some juvenile baby-ish person.

Also, our society has taken the stance that diapers means dirty. We were raised to be toilet trained and that toilets are clean and the right thing and diapers are bad and for babies. Even if the individual does not feel it is dirty, their friends using peer pressure can make the person give up wearing diapers to fit in and have friends and companions.

How does one bring it up after years of marriage? Slowly I assume. Test the waters. Two things come to mind though;

Is the individual willing to live as they are if their spouse does not accept this or is seperation a viable option?

Is the spouse willing to research this a little and is able to make the leap that an AB relationship with their partner is a bond between them and not something to cause them to run out and meet other people?

It's something I feel can strengthen a relationship. But the longer one waits, the harder it will be. Ideally this is something to bring up within the first year or marriage, perhaps as some sort of play. But do not go overboard...

I did not have that problem. My wife knew who and what I was when we met via the Internet. My back injury was causing me more problems which I have worked to manage. She was accepting and because she was, I did what I could not cater to her needs and wants. We've had a great partnership for several years now. One nice thing about the internet was that we had a whole year of pure communication before we ever met.

I know when my wife is "playing with me" that I feel a VERY strong bond with her. I have her attention. We are not talking politics, economics, work, family problems or other "adult worries." We are just engrossed in play which is pure and between us alone. The child to parent bond is VERY strong. And at times when she pulls on a diaper herself, I feel INCREDIBLY protective of her, like a father would for his little girl. It's between us and no one else. It brings us together and gives us plenty of time together snuggling and enjoying each other's company. How many people not in diapers or an ABie lifestyle can say that?

So the right woman or man is out there. It took me years to find mine. And if you found your soul-mate, then it should not be a problem to bring out more facets of your psyche. It takes time and patience. And love. Love can overcome all.

Just my two cents which was in stocks and is now worthless.

God bless my wonderful wife. She's my blessing.

[diaperedandspanked]

I'm in a similar spot. I'd been married many, many years before I began this. My urge to wear has grown over time and I now wear to work about 4 times a week. I have strong reason to expect knowledge of my diapers would tip our marriage upside down. We have a decent relationship, but she has never shown any interest in anything outside of pure vanilla relationships. Further, she has shown that she is in fact intolerant of a great number of things - for instance, saying "If I ever came home to find you in my underwear, I'd walk out the door!" (I wouldn't think of testing the theory that it is ok that I buy my own... and as for diapers?? ...I don't think there's a chance!)

For most, it does seem like bringing this up in the relative early stages of a relationship is a good thing.

Well, luckily, my wife isn't quite that firm in her stance about my little quirks but the diaper thing was pretty much a turn-off. I know for an absolute fact she wouldn't leave me over it but it's most likely something she would not want to participate in, at first anyway. Maybe after time she MIGHT come around to it but I wouldn't force her into it. I really don't see where it's that big of a deal. It's my butt, I can cover it with whatever I want to. I highly doubt I'd be walking around the house with just a diaper on, it would be under regular clothing just like any other underwear. So what if it happens to be a diaper. My biggest problem with her is when she gets a little hot under the collar over something, then the diaper wearing would get thrown back at me in one way or another. Again, not like I would care, she's brought up things from the past before but when the tiff is over, it's over. She would use it to her benefit though during our infrequent disagreements. I am certain she would never tell any other family member so for good or bad it would still stay between us. I would just be adding fuel for her to use when she's on fire about something. Again, do I care, probably a bit now that I think about it. If I bring her into something as personal as this, I don't expect it to be used against me from someone I've been married to for over twenty years.

[MusicBABY180]

Few of us are truly unattractive. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder and most people will be more interested (long term) in your personality than the way you look (as long as you're clean and wearing clean clothes lol). Being the best looking guy in the bar will attract women to you, but few of them will date you more than a couple of times unless you have an interesting personality to go with the looks.

I'm no oil painting (I wouldn't say I'm ugly, but I'm not Johnny Depp either lol) but I always found the best way to meet women was to just go and talk to them. Forget smooth lines (you're not James Bond) just talk to them like you would anyone else.....and talk to lots of them, that's the key. Don't make the mistake most of my friends did and stand around at the bar looking at a pretty girl all night and trying to think what you can say to her (only for her to leave before you can think of something that sounds smooth enough to impress her lol). Be confident, be yourself, talk to lots of girls and show an interest in what they have to say.......don't just talk about yourself all night. Don't get me wrong, it's not fool proof, some girls will blank you and some will just be polite, but some will enjoy talking to you and some will enjoy talking to you so much they will agree to meet you for a drink or a movie.

Confidence is also attractive, so stop putting yourself down and focus on your good points.

Beth

Yeah, I am fairly confident in my actions, but I don't try because I am kinda afraid of rejection.

I just don't want a relationship right now. THats the last thing I need, I got school taking up my life, I barely have enough time for hobbies.

[sarah_ab]

Women are looking for a commitment and someone who in lean times can take care of a family, not some juvenile baby-ish person.

*giggles* am i in the '50s?

[only human]

My first relationship I waited too long and when I finally told her, she just laughed and laughed and laughed at me, it was devasting, how could some one you care so much about be so mean to you, I eventually found out she was cheating on me all along and so it didnt really matter. Ive since found the perfect girl who accepts me for who I am whatever I chose to be, and I did tell her early on.

[ppbenn]

Thanks for posting the advice Mommy Michelle. I hope others read it and learn from it. For me personally. I told my future wife and her friends and a friend one night while we were playing truth or dare. After I had gotten drunk playing a card game. Luckily for me they were all accepting. Now I am married to a wonderful woman occasionally babies me. To be honest I couldn't be happier.

[NewdudeDL]

I just told my girlfriend about this side of me the other day.

I suggested we take a walk since the weather was so nice and eventually we came to a park bench where we were alone except for the occasional jogger. When I told her, I gave her the absolute bare bones details about my interests so as not to overwhelm her. I didn't even suggest I wanted her to take part in my AB/DL interests, rather I wanted to see if she would accept me, walk out on me, or even ask to take part. Well she accepted me which is what I hoped for the most. And even if she does walk up to me in the next few days and say this is too much for her, then I'll still be happy; she's not the kind of person to go advertising this on Facebook and I still found the courage to tell someone I have feelings for about this.

I hope that our relationship gets to the point where she will give me the full treatment, but that takes time, and now that I got this off my chest, I can be a very patient man.

[Baby Bethany]

*giggles* am i in the '50s?

Ahh, those were the good old days weren't they Sarah?

The man went to work and came home to find the little lady in a nice dress, make up and an apron. she serves him a drink while he reads the newspaper and then dinner is served, complete with a freshly baked apple pie. The only time us guys have to worry about cooking is when we have a barbecue.

Ahhh, happy days!!!

Beth

PS: That was in return for calling us dirty old men!!

[curiositykilledthecat]

I'm attractive if looking life a goofball turns you on.