Dealing With Disappointment

[curiositykilledthecat]

hey man, no one said you were gonna like everyone you meet. i personally hate everyone outside of my life, even though i talk to them and be polite and make conversation and get to know them. eventually i can tolerate some people and even become friends with them. trust me, i force myself to be social. i don't like it and it's inconvenient, but it gives me a sharp, clear, and directional mind after a long eventful day of spending time with people outside of my circle. it helps me get motivated and helps me live through the next few days.

ROFL, yet again I come in to something great. Funny thing is I love people and hate people at the same time. I love the individual but hate the collective disaster that we become. I guess I get annoyed by sheeple more than anything.

[Guest dl_aslee]

I think everyone needs to remind themselves that there are just some things that they can't control in their life and just accept that fact. Realize this and then move on with your life and control the things that you can. You will only find disappointment if you don't realize that you can't control certain things and still try to change things that you can't control. So just realize you situation and make the best of it.

Focus on the things such as you have done in the past as getting the word out about your disability, never sulk over something in the past, just keep moving forward, it is the only way anyone stays sane in this world.

So ya just keep moving forward and live in the moment, never regret anything, everything is a learning experience. I have failed many college courses, but I don't stagnate on my failure, I move forward and try, try again. I still don't know if I passed my Engineering Circuits class this semester, and this was my second round, but I know it is what I want to do in life and so I just keep persistent at it. Even if I have to take the class for a 3rd time I will move on and just know when I do finally pass the class I will thoroughly know the material, probably better then many who passed it the first time around.

So it is all about you and what is going on in your head, you may not have the same experience of many "normal" people, but you will make it through life if you just keep moving forward instead of living in the past, funny I saw something about the new saying being "so what?" and certainly applies here.

so what if you never have a truely meaningful relationship? so what if you can't remember people? so what are you going to do about this? the so what is that you just keep moving forward and sulking over your disability.

[Baby Bethany]

As well as the points made by Sarah above, you could also add the facts that you have a house to live in and not a tent or piece of corrugated iron, plus you have food to eat and don't have to go through other peoples trash to find something to feed your kids, or brush the flies off the mouthful of rice you do have. You also live in a country where you and your family won't be arrested and thrown into jail for complaining about the government or police force.

I've been to plenty of countries where the above is the reality for many people, and will be for the rest of their lives. My life is blessed in comparison, the same goes for the rest of you.

B

[Guest refridginator]

ROFL, yet again I come in to something great. Funny thing is I love people and hate people at the same time. I love the individual but hate the collective disaster that we become. I guess I get annoyed by sheeple more than anything.

i don't know if i like what you're saying. what are you talking about?

[PampersPete]

i don't know if i like what you're saying. what are you talking about?

I'll assume you're a pot smoker and whisper in your ear"LAY OFF THE WEED!"

[Guest refridginator]

ah it took me a minute to get it. i thought you were talking about me and not actually replying, like "i love people, but you're the reason i hate people at the same time." but yeah, whatever.

[curiositykilledthecat]

nah fridge i was agreeing with your comment. I thought it was funny. I was also stating some of my observations or frustrations with humanity as a whole. You know weed makes you paranoid.

[SnuggleTime]

Underwhere, you may have tried this, but I'm just going to throw it out there just in case you haven't, but have you talked with a career counselor about your disability? There's got to be a job where your disability wouldn't hinder you.

When you meet someone you think you might want to talk to again, have you tried telling them that you're not good at remembering faces or names? You might tell them that if they see you, don't be offended if I don't recognize you.

Can you remember someone's voice instead of their face? Maybe you could associate their voice with what you remember of that person. Or remember one key thing about them and ask that they tell you this key piece of information to trigger your memory of them.

About your Depression: I hope you're getting treated for it. I know firsthand that Depression is a horrible thing to suffer through, especially when it's untreated. I spent my first 15 years on this Earth with untreated Depression.

It totally altered the way I thought, and my outlook on life. I take Wellbutrin for mine and it's been an absolute life-saver for me. It doesn't make me happy or fix my life's problems, but it does help me to not sink to my lowest lows in the pits of despair.

Oh, and, please don't be offended if this doesn't apply to you, but if you ever get suicidal, just know that it WILL get better and that tomorrow is a new day. If this doesn't apply to you, maybe it will help someone else reading this. Plenty of people will be harsh toward you, but there are people, like me, who will take interest in you and not judge you.

Anyway, I wish you the best and I hope you'll respond so I can maybe think of some more ideas for you. Your disability is pretty interesting, and you're an interesting person. That's why I responded. I don't know if you're a cheerful person or not, but if only you could convey this stuff in real life. You'd make a lot of quality friends I'm sure.

[Mean Mommy]

oh man...i am so gonna get flagged but i can't help it..

so you can't recognize people? that's it? that's your big disability? man, that is the ultimate excuse: "i'm sorry, it's not that you're boring, it's just my brain can't recognize anything about you that would otherwise make you distinctive." awesome!

okay, i'll stop being an asshole and get to the crux of my point: if you informed people of the significant difference between your brain chemistry and theirs, i'm sure any reasonable person would forgive your social faux-pas. i can't imagine anyone saying "your brain can't distinguish me from other people?! HOW DARE YOU!!!" once you do this people will happily converse with you, a few may even be intrigued by your unique neurological burden (girls find that kind of stuff sexy..well, the crazy ones do. take it from me, i'm their captain).

i have ADD and once i learned to swallow my pride and acknowledge that my brain structure is the type that suffers in a bureaucratic society, life became far more manageable. i am not less of a person, i'm just different and for fuck's sake, that will be acknowledged. i have gifts, i'm talented. i know that in other areas (such as evil plans of world domination) i excel far beyond the average person.

i don't know anything about your condition but i am currently suffering from severe depression too. fuck, i never would have imagined this shit was so hard to shake off! i want to be happy, but some days it's like i'm not even given a choice. i have to fight - really fight - for a positive outlook. and that can be exhausting in itself. and it decimated my motivation! that was the only thing i could rely on to help me tackle my ADD - shit! you should look into whether your disability may combine with depression and make your symptoms worse. it's good to surround yourself with positive images, people, and thoughts, and keep fighting. eventually it will get better.

a book that really helped me is titled feel the fear and do it anyway by...someone. i'm sure you can find it on amazon. it really helped me put my life into perspective. i still go back to it on those days when it feels like i got hit with a tidal wave of melancholy listlessness.

there is a group starting up in my area called aphrodite. it's a group that acknowledges people with mental conditions and disabilities as people who are gifted, not inferior. maybe there is a similar group somewhere in your vicinity. you should go see. if anyone would understand your struggle, it would be a support group. that's where i'm gonna go next.

also, i am so distracted by refridginator's avatar...i've been staring at it for like 8 minutes.

[SnuggleTime]

"oh man...i am so gonna get flagged but i can't help it.."

Is that the evil ADD girl talking?

"i am currently suffering from severe depression too. fuck, i never would have imagined this shit was so hard to shake off!"

I think I've had depression all my life because I can't remember ever being "normal", so I didn't even think that it was something I could get rid of. When did yours start? Yes, it does get tiring. It's like spinning your wheels and going nowhere. I'm slowly learning that I'm just simply in a lower gear than most people - I can get going, but it takes a while. And if I'm not careful, I might get frustrated at my inability to jump to perky happiness as easily as most people...but I get there, just more slowly.

I agree his depression may "combine" with his disability. Depression loves the company of misery and will make bad matters worse whenever it can. Often, you can't tell if depression causes various problems, or if the various problems cause depression. Depression is like trying to nail jello to the wall - it's hard as hell to figure out.

"it's good to surround yourself with positive images, people, and thoughts, and keep fighting. eventually it will get better."

I dunno...for me, whenever people would try to cheer me up, it would just make me feel worse because I felt powerless to "snap out of it" and be happy. What's been helpful for me is acknowledging that this depression is just who I am--probably biologically-based from birth--and it's not going away. So I just learn to live with it rather than try to cheer up and be happy.

That book you mentioned - I've already added it to my Amazon cart and I'll probably end up buying it after I read a little more about it after posting this.

So Meany, you've been staring at refridginator's avatar? Hmm...yeah maybe I shouldn't ask

[underwhere]

This is an old thread I started some time ago, but I do think it is useful to revisit it, and so I am.

Mean Mommy, I'm not gonna flag you. In fact, I greatly respect the points you made. Here are some of my experiences to answer your questions:

Yes, I try to tell people about this if given a socially appropriate opportunity to do so. That doesn't always present itself, and even when it does, I am often met with what I can only describe as either extreme skepticism, the "don't put yourself down" folks who think I'm making a big deal out of nothing when they lack any comprehension about the social isolation, or perhaps even social desolation, which I feel. Other people think I am making the whole thing up. Still other people will acknowledge I have this difficulty and then forget the conversation ever took place, making my ability to socially connect with them very difficult if not impossible. Relationships are, after all, essentially the culmination of a large collection of small shared moments in time, but I can not relate one moment to the next without explicitly knowing who was involved in that moment, and a lot of people are very forgetful about reminding me even if I ask them. This also says nothing about the coping strategies I employ which often cause people to believe I have actually recognized them. Through the grape vine, I've heard a few times that there have been people who genuinely believe I knew exactly who they were in an out-of-context social encounter. People want, perhaps even NEED, to be recognized. Your sarcasm regarding the "HOW DARE YOU" phenomenon is painfully close to what often happens. The crux is that I can't expect such people to change, so I need to either change the way I approach such potential situations or how I think about them.

aphrodite sounds interesting, and maybe I should check into seeing if something similar is being formed, or perhaps has been formed, in my area.

snuggle time, I too have probably had depression all my life and not known it. My disability is such that I'm coming to realize it affects me to a very significant degree more than I once thought. I seem to have a general sense of social detachment. Depression doesn't help with that, but even when I as not depressed, I still felt such a detachment, like I never meaningful connected with people. For a long time, I used isolation as a coping strategy, and actually it worked pretty well for that, but now that is not working anymore, so I have to figure out a different way of doing things. That is still a work in progress.

To both of you, surrounding myself with positive people or positive images is precisely the hard part for me. For lack of a better way to phrase it, I appear to have some small degree of social anxiety which is, no doubt, related to the fact that I can't recognize people and yet still feel compelled to try to interact with them. It is quite an open question as to whether I am placing that pressure on myself or whether there is a real social pressure for me to perform, and the truth is probably that it has more to do with me, but that doesn't really make it any easier to actually deal with the feelings I have, or the overwhelming sense that every social interaction I have is with a complete stranger. Yes, some people help me along the way, but even with that help, I still feel like I'm playing a game of "Connect The Dots" and half of the dots are missing. It's a very disconcerting feeling going through life everyday like that.

I wish I could FEEL differently about this, but I don't. That's really the hard part for me to deal with right now. What can I really do with these feelings that would be constructive? I'm open to thoughts or suggestions on that too if anybody has any.

[underwhere]

I just realized I didn't answer all of your questions, snuggle time. I've been rather focused lately on how I currently feel, which is what prompted my previous response, but let me try to take a stab at this again.

Underwhere, you may have tried this, but I'm just going to throw it out there just in case you haven't, but have you talked with a career counselor about your disability? There's got to be a job where your disability wouldn't hinder you.

There are jobs out there, but it seems my lack of self-confidence, or perhaps more accurately my perceived lack of self-confidence, is getting in the way of my getting hired, not to mention the fact that it turns out there are a rather limited number of types of jobs not requiring facial recognition as an essential function of the job.

I haven't really tried to speak with a career counselor. I do think that might be helpful, but honestly, I also feel like I know a good bit about the kinds of jobs which will not work for me. The trick is finding those which will and which I will also feel some level of satisfaction from performing, and then actually getting a job offer to perform them. I don't know if it is possible to meet all of those goals.

Can you remember someone's voice instead of their face? Maybe you could associate their voice with what you remember of that person. Or remember one key thing about them and ask that they tell you this key piece of information to trigger your memory of them.

I seem to be not so gifted with voice recognition. Some people who have what I do are enormously gifted in this area, but not I. I find that many voices sound quite similar to each other, and as a result, find this of only minimal use in my effort to try to identify people. The "one key thing" would be ideal, but have you ever tried to look for information in an unsorted collection of index cards? If you even find the information, it still takes a long time. This is sort of like what my brain goes through to connect these pieces of information. It's possible, but its a tremendous amount of work, and the potential gain is rather limited given the quantity of work involved. Better would be for me to receive support from the other person who would reintroduce themself to me and provide some context for how I know them. As I already mentioned, I do ask people to do this, but few people seem to remember to do so.

Okay, I think I answered everything so far.

[SnuggleTime]

Ok I have another idea for you: go on the Dr. Phil show. Haha right? Actually I'm serious. He would find you fascinating and so would his audience, and he would be able to hook you up with resources that none of us here would ever think of. One of his past guests was unable to remember someone's face, but could remember everything about them. She even demonstrated that when she covered her eyes, she instantly forgot what Dr. Phil looked like. He said, quote "Very interesting". So it's worth a shot!

You're obviously articulate, and you've said that you need to get the word out. Even if they don't accept you right away, they may contact you later to be on the show some time down the road. In the meantime, you may want to check out their forums at DrPhil.com. I have never been to it myself, but I suspect you would get better support than just talking to us diaper people LOL. No offense anyone

[underwhere]

Ok I have another idea for you: go on the Dr. Phil show. Haha right? Actually I'm serious. He would find you fascinating and so would his audience, and he would be able to hook you up with resources that none of us here would ever think of. One of his past guests was unable to remember someone's face, but could remember everything about them. She even demonstrated that when she covered her eyes, she instantly forgot what Dr. Phil looked like. He said, quote "Very interesting". So it's worth a shot!

Sounds like he has already seen somebody very similar, so I'm not sure why he'd want to do a repeat episode covering the same topic.

Also, I must confess I'm not thrilled with some of his rather outspoken ideologies, and I'm not convinced that going on his show would be in the best interest of getting the word out especially since it turns out a lot of people who have the same thing I do are homosexual, and I have sufficient anecdotal evidence to suggest that the percentage of people who have the same difficulty I have with faces who are also homosexual is something Dr. Phil would not be at all pleased to learn or discuss even though I find it quite fascinating. If I'm going to go on a show, I want to go on one which will at least be respectful of reality and not be quite so openly prejudiced.

Coincidentally, I have been on TV before talking about it. Check out my blog and follow the link to my personal web site, and follow that to my links page, and you'll be able to see me on CNN.

If I was going to do a TV talk show, I'd much rather get on a show like Oprah or Montel Williams, both of whom I respect greatly because of the humanness of their shows and their sensitivity to their guests. Dr. Phil strikes me as the kind of guy you don't want to be honest with if you happen to disagree with him on anything.

You're obviously articulate, and you've said that you need to get the word out.

It's not so much that I need to get the word out, but that I really want to continue to do so. I've already done so much more than I ever thought I would do with this stuff, and I'm proud of having done it, and I'm glad I have felt comfortable doing it. My getting the word out will, I hope, help out people far beyond myself.

Even if they don't accept you right away, they may contact you later to be on the show some time down the road. In the meantime, you may want to check out their forums at DrPhil.com. I have never been to it myself, but I suspect you would get better support than just talking to us diaper people LOL. No offense anyone

Don't be so sure. Going to something like that is not about getting support, but providing it to others by possibly opening up the eyes of a lot of people who haven't heard of this before. If I want to get support, I have an e-mail list which I actually founded and currently has over a hundred people, and I do get and provide support through that list. A national talk show like that is about PR and getting the word out, not about getting support. Both are useful, but to confuse the two would not accomplish anything useful.

[sarah_ab]

in reading your posts under, it seems that your disability in no way would really interfear with you having a social or professional life.

Your depression however, is interfearing with all that.

Your disability is not causing ur depression and while you cannot cure your disability, you can certainly seek treatment for the depression..

Stop using your disability as an excuse and recognize what is REALLY causing the social problems then seek treatment - for your depression.

[underwhere]

I'm going to break with my personal "safety mechanisms" and talk very openly in this message. I may later choose to change my mind and remove some or all of what I discuss here if I really don't feel comfortable with it out in the open like this. I've talked about some things in my blog, but I think I need to provide it in proper context to allow you to make sense of this here. When and if you respond, please be careful to not quote me directly from this particular post, because I may edit this post, or even delete the content of this post in it's entirety, at some point in time in the future.

in reading your posts under, it seems that your disability in no way would really interfear with you having a social or professional life.

Quite to the contrary, it effects both, and deeply at that.

Any time I am not in my own space, any time when I need to be sociable with people, I have a low level anxiety that I live with. I feel constantly on edge just a little, never quite knowing who I will encounter, or who will surprise and startle me into a conversation I never expected I would have. I could win an Emmy, an Oscar, or a Toni for this, and most people will never know I had absolutely no idea who it was I was interacting with. Still, there is a huge underlying fear that I will make a significant social and/or professional mistake. (It's never good form professionally to fail to acknowledge the boss appropriately, for example, regardless of whether you see the boss only at work or out and about somewhere socially.) Mis-identifications of people I *think* I recognize but don't happen so frequently that I simply have to ignore the brain signals which try to tell me I recognize somebody. It takes the culmination of about 10 different clues for me to be willing to make that leap of faith assumption that I have recognized a person to actually acknowledge to myself that I have and to act on it. Even then, more often than not, I am wrong and the person is a complete stranger. When it is not a complete stranger, though, I've made a social gaff in failing to acknowledge the person appropriately.

This is made even more difficult by the fact that I have to be hyper-vigilant with regard to people I might encounter, whether professionally or socially. If somebody were to pull a fast one on me, there is rather little I could do about it after the fact. I'd be a classic assault or robbery victim, and have no way to do anything about it afterward. I know that eyewitness identification has recently been called into question lately, but honestly, most people have something to draw from, and I got nothing. As a result, I'd be a pretty good sitting duck. I have to do a lot just to protect myself from such possibilities, both physically and mentally.

Assuming I've done all of that, there is still the actual issue of feeling safe, which rarely if ever happens to me. I rarely ever feel able to "let down my guard" for fear I might miss something really important with regard to protecting my personal safety.

Keep in mind that I am in this hyper-vigilant self-protectionist state at all times, and that makes it difficult for people to get close to me, partly because I don't let them and partly because they get uneasy with me.

I get startled anytime somebody calls my name because *gasp* they've recognized me and I'm supposed to know who they are, AND I have to respond appropriately to their greeting as if I really do know who they are.

Your depression however, is interfearing with all that.

On this point, I have to give you the benefit of the doubt. At the very least, it can't be helping any.

Your disability is not causing ur depression and while you cannot cure your disability, you can certainly seek treatment for the depression..

Stop using your disability as an excuse and recognize what is REALLY causing the social problems then seek treatment - for your depression.

As I hope I made clear, I think it is a lot more complicated than that. I think you are partially correct, but there is a lot more to this than meets the eye.

[Mean Mommy]

AAAAAAAAARGH!!!!

WHAT?!! THEY DO THAT TO YOU?!!?? WELL LET'S GO BEAT THEM!!!

HOW DARE THEY!!!!

AAAAAAAAARGH!!!!

Yes, I try to tell people about this if given a socially appropriate opportunity to do so. That doesn't always present itself, and even when it does, I am often met with what I can only describe as either extreme skepticism, the "don't put yourself down" folks who think I'm making a big deal out of nothing when they lack any comprehension about the social isolation, or perhaps even social desolation, which I feel. Other people think I am making the whole thing up. Still other people will acknowledge I have this difficulty and then forget the conversation ever took place, making my ability to socially connect with them very difficult if not impossible. Relationships are, after all, essentially the culmination of a large collection of small shared moments in time, but I can not relate one moment to the next without explicitly knowing who was involved in that moment, and a lot of people are very forgetful about reminding me even if I ask them. This also says nothing about the coping strategies I employ which often cause people to believe I have actually recognized them. Through the grape vine, I've heard a few times that there have been people who genuinely believe I knew exactly who they were in an out-of-context social encounter. People want, perhaps even NEED, to be recognized. Your sarcasm regarding the "HOW DARE YOU" phenomenon is painfully close to what often happens. The crux is that I can't expect such people to change, so I need to either change the way I approach such potential situations or how I think about them.

FUCK THOSE PEOPLE!!!

aphrodite sounds interesting, and maybe I should check into seeing if something similar is being formed, or perhaps has been formed, in my area.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE YES, YOU IDIOT!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE WHEN YOU NEED HELP WITH THIS SERIOUS NEUROLOGICAL CONDITION?!!? OMIGOD!!!

How the hell do you think we could help you when our realities are so dramatically different from yours?! you need to connect to other people who are also going through this! you need to figure out what resources are available! underwhere!!! you are so infuriating!!! jesus! it is so unfair to hold yourself up to other people's standards who can depend on a mental process you don't have! and it makes me so angry to hear that you allow yourself to be vulnerable to their contempt!!! ARRRRGH! i want to punch an informative medical brochure in their faces!!!

What are you doing isolating yourself?! you need people to help you! YOU NEED A SUPPORT GROUP! this condition you're describing sounds so incredibly reality-impacting i can't believe you set yourself up to be tortured like this! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!!

Have you ever watched "Monk"? It's a good show, you should watch it. But the main character, Monk, has a personal nurse that follows him around because his OCD is that severe! HIS OCD!!! So where does that put you? I think you may need a nurse, or a good friend, to help you out in social situations. Don't listen to dumbasses who have no idea what you're going through! Reach out and find the resources you need to help and empower yourself! I am still so angry to hear that you have to suffer people's wrath for your mental condition! And you wonder why you're depressed?! That's like a paraplegic wondering why he's depressed every time he has to walk up stairs!!!

Any time I am not in my own space, any time when I need to be sociable with people, I have a low level anxiety that I live with. I feel constantly on edge just a little, never quite knowing who I will encounter, or who will surprise and startle me into a conversation I never expected I would have. I could win an Emmy, an Oscar, or a Toni for this, and most people will never know I had absolutely no idea who it was I was interacting with. Still, there is a huge underlying fear that I will make a significant social and/or professional mistake. (It's never good form professionally to fail to acknowledge the boss appropriately, for example, regardless of whether you see the boss only at work or out and about somewhere socially.) Mis-identifications of people I *think* I recognize but don't happen so frequently that I simply have to ignore the brain signals which try to tell me I recognize somebody. It takes the culmination of about 10 different clues for me to be willing to make that leap of faith assumption that I have recognized a person to actually acknowledge to myself that I have and to act on it. Even then, more often than not, I am wrong and the person is a complete stranger. When it is not a complete stranger, though, I've made a social gaff in failing to acknowledge the person appropriately.

If somebody were to pull a fast one on me, there is rather little I could do about it after the fact. I'd be a classic assault or robbery victim, and have no way to do anything about it afterward. I know that eyewitness identification has recently been called into question lately, but honestly, most people have something to draw from, and I got nothing. As a result, I'd be a pretty good sitting duck. I have to do a lot just to protect myself from such possibilities, both physically and mentally.

Assuming I've done all of that, there is still the actual issue of feeling safe, which rarely if ever happens to me. I rarely ever feel able to "let down my guard" for fear I might miss something really important with regard to protecting my personal safety.

I get startled anytime somebody calls my name because *gasp* they've recognized me and I'm supposed to know who they are, AND I have to respond appropriately to their greeting as if I really do know who they are.

ARRRRRRRGH!!!!

RESEARCH WHAT PEOPLE WITH YOUR MEDICAL CONDITION NEED!

KEEP UP ON LATEST BREAKTHROUGHS!

CONNECT TO OTHERS LIKE YOU!!!

FIND PRACTICAL HELP!!! – that may mean you will need a personal nurse

Listen, i make it a point to tell my teachers about my ADD. and i will make it a point to tell my bosses about my ADD. not that i can’t perform my job, but that i may come off as spacey/thoughtless, and they need to know that that’s my ADD.

Life used to be hell when I was a kid, because no one knew what ADD was. and if they did, many people suspected it was an elaborate hoax for lazy kids. (such as my father, for example). things are so different today, and that’s mainly because people are moreover generally aware and accepting of ADD. for many people, if you talk and act normal, you must be normal. and your claims that something isn’t right – something about you is dramatically different – will be dismissed with contempt and even hostility at times. i’m so lucky that ADD has so much exposure in the public’s conscious. that means more people will just accept me.

if no one understands your condition, life can be hell. i’m so sorry you have to deal with this. you need to fight for your right to be understood and appreciated for the person you are. that means finding people who understand your condition and arming yourself with relevant information. i suggest you place support groups and any training relevant to your condition above going to a therapist. i don’t expect a therapist will help much if you’re still muddling through the confusion of living with this condition.

[SnuggleTime]

Haha - Mean Mommy went apeshit again Your signature should be ARRGGHH!!!! Crazy girl hehe.

[Mean Mommy]

I think I've had depression all my life because I can't remember ever being "normal", so I didn't even think that it was something I could get rid of. When did yours start? Yes, it does get tiring. It's like spinning your wheels and going nowhere. I'm slowly learning that I'm just simply in a lower gear than most people - I can get going, but it takes a while. And if I'm not careful, I might get frustrated at my inability to jump to perky happiness as easily as most people...but I get there, just more slowly.

I dunno...for me, whenever people would try to cheer me up, it would just make me feel worse because I felt powerless to "snap out of it" and be happy. What's been helpful for me is acknowledging that this depression is just who I am--probably biologically-based from birth--and it's not going away. So I just learn to live with it rather than try to cheer up and be happy.

That book you mentioned - I've already added it to my Amazon cart and I'll probably end up buying it after I read a little more about it after posting this.

i should mention that i'm pretty sure my depression is circumstantial. my life has just been incredibly shitty until recently. so much so that it propelled me to be a prime example of textbook depression. i doubt i am genetically predisposed toward depression. i did not struggle with depression in my childhood or teens. i guess this should be acknowledged when i say things like "surround yourself with positive images, hyuk hyuk!"

although i don't mean you should tape a dorky motivation poster to your wall and feel better, i just mean that one's mood and sense of self is incredibly influenced by the kind of company one chooses to keep. if you are surrounded by losers and assholes, it will be hard not to become one yourself (i should know). if you are surrounded by kind, happy people - not people who are irrationally chirpy, but people who genuinely enjoy life - their outlook will invariably rub off on you.

i would suggest this book to anyone. but it is not enough to combat real medical depression. especially if you are more prone to it than others. but the book does psych one up to combat one's problems, if you choose to take it sincerely.

I agree his depression may "combine" with his disability. Depression loves the company of misery and will make bad matters worse whenever it can. Often, you can't tell if depression causes various problems, or if the various problems cause depression. Depression is like trying to nail jello to the wall - it's hard as hell to figure out.

the official term is called comorbidity. it is typical for people with learning disabilities and other neurological conditions to develop depression, social anxiety, etc., amongst other psychiatric disorders.

So Meany, you've been staring at refridginator's avatar? Hmm...yeah maybe I shouldn't ask

it's hypnotic..

[Guest refridginator]

it's hypnotic..

haha i know. it's on my phone too. when i have a hard time dealing with a stressful situation, i just flip open my phone and @_@ - happiness!

[sarah_ab]

soi was gonna write this long huge reponse but all i've got is this

underwhere its obvious you dont want advice or help, you want attention and to wallow in your own misery

seriously you are making the choice.. and yes it IS a choice, to let your life be ruled by really a minor inconvience. and everytime someone makes a suggestion yo'uve suddenly got 10 reasons why that wont work.

so under, until you stop making excuses, and until everyone else here stops allowing you to live behind your excuses, nothing will change.

[Guest refridginator]

oh yeah i'd have written a response earlier with that but i forgot... obviously i guess.

anyway i agree with sarah on this one. you can't hide behind what you want to think as an excuse. you just wind up trapping yourself in a world of your own making and eventually it's going to make you your own hell. and it's not necessarily something as like you need to accept anything and come face to face with your fears, you just have to get over it. no one can help you if you first don't help yourself.

[Mean Mommy]

god, okay, i know i'm dragging this thread back from the dead but i can't help it, i so disagree. and i don't have the emotional maturity to let these things slide.

so i'm gonna declare myself underwhere's white knight and charge to his defense with or without his asking.

before i start, i know it's gonna look like i'm waging war on you, sarah_ab, but i'm don't intend to. i disagree with your opinion, but regardless of that you sound like an intelligent and funny person. a sort of person that i would like to hang out with or something. and i'm more than happy to argue with someone smart over a matter of differing opinion.

a few years ago i'd be in complete agreement with you guys: feeling blue? suck it up, get over it. which is probably why, in a karmic sense, i got hit with medical depression. it's not something you can suck up or mow over with sheer will. believe me, i've tried. i've been trying for more than a year.

the funny thing is i'm not even sad. i made it a point to make friends and do something constructive and i am still plagued by symptoms of depression. that's when it hit me that this isn't a silly fanciful invisible boo-boo pansies are diagnosed with, it's a serious medical condition. and like any other medical condition it has to be approached responsibly.

if underwhere says he's depressed, give the man a break and a little sympathy. comparing him to severely handicapped people isn't doing anyone any favors. first of all, the logic behind it is demented. if someone says "i've been feeling down ever since i had my wallet stolen" are you going to say "well suck it up asshole! people have their families kidnapped! i bet those people would love to just have their wallet stolen..instead of their SON!!" or if someone says "my dog just died" are you gonna say "big deal! at least it wasn't your WIFE!" overshadowing hardships with even greater hardships isn't helping the problem. people need sympathy, they need support and a little love. that's what solves problems. not dismissing smaller problems in the face of bigger problems. the world isn't only made up of big problems. in fact, many big problems come from unresolved smaller problems. take columbine, for example.

anyways, i always thought it was twisted to feel a sense of gratitude when hearing about other people's misery. like when my mum nagged me to enjoy my food because kids in Somalia are starving. is that meant to make me feel better? wouldn't it be sick if i attacked my food with a relish, chewing it with a smile on my face saying "oh those poor Somalian bastards! i'd hate to be them! i bet they'd appreciate meatloaf! but i have it, bwah ha hah!!!" No one is gonna be like "Someone somewhere can't walk?! Well I feel a lot better now!!"

additionally, i don't think people who are in that position (paraplegics, etc.) would appreciate other people using them as fodder to make severely depressed people appreciate their lot in life. would you say that in front of them? probably not. it would make them feel bad. and a few of them may want to tell you that they lead fulfilling and happy lives that many people would want to have. so why say it at all?

eventually underwhere needs to get over his depression if he wants a happy life, which i assume he does. but that isn't going to happen overnight and will require a lot of support from his friends and family. if he attempts to build relationships with other people and follows up on the advice he receives in order to combat his depression, then he is trying his hardest to progress given his condition and should be applauded, not ridiculed.

if we want to change the world for the better, only love will do.

[Vic]

I have to agree with you MM, You suggest that he should seek help from professional people who know what it's like to deal with mental illness every day.

I know what it's like to have to deal with manic depression. It's not an easy thing, and it is true that many well meaning people can't really understand what you're going through so the advice sounds good and all, but doesn't help with the battle that you're going through.

For you it must be much worse than what manic depression is, I have a few more problems too, but I at least can talk with my therapist once a week, being alone out there on your own isn't going to help much. Listen to MM and get to some help and seek a support group.

Peace,

Vic

[spoonchicken]

Futility is the defining characteristic of life. Pain is life. Only the dead feel no pain.