An Older Newbie

[Bettypooh]

I never thought I'd see 50,LOL! But here I am, and age teaches you to live while you can. The short of this is that I am a S/W/Tg/DL, born 'boy' but not really being one and not totally 'girl' either, just someone in-between that enjoys parts of both worlds. I was a pantswetter and bedwetter long after everyone else was dry, and that is part of how I got here in my life's journey. My goal is to be a diapered bedwetter and I'm getting there. Now the 'long' part of my introduction.

I wet my pants almost daily till I was 8-9 and hated the crap it got me. Back then I would have done anything to stop but it wasn't in the cards. It tapered off but was a constant worry till I was in my mid-teens, and it never fully stopped. Neither body or head doctors found any reason for my incontinence and my parents were no help either. Being that leaky, I was obviously a bedwetter too. That nightly ptoblem kept on till my mid-teens before tapering off slowly. Even at 25 I wet my bed a couple times a month. More than one drink of alcohol back then meant a wet bed, and getting drunk meant a flood. In school I had begun to double my underwear for absorbency but on some days that still wasn't enough. At 13 I was already a social outcast and wondering about the girls that my wetness and weirdness kept away from me. One day I swiped a pair of panties from the family clothes hamper and put them on. Finding they felt wonderful on me I kept at it, 'borrowing' clean ones from my sisters. I discovered something else about panties; I stayed dry wearing them! Knowing they wouldn't absorb more than a few drops might have had something to do with that. And the shame of wearing panties was less than the shame of having wet pants. At least I could hide my panties and have a life that wasn't happening any other way, but they didn't help in bed where I stayed as wet as ever.

I went through purges of my panties and managed to stay dry without them but I was hooked and in time I began to crossdress fully, and finding that it was not going away I learned to live with it in my closet. In my 30's I came out as a CD only to find that there was more to me than that, I was TG as well. I almost transitioned at one point but I finally decided it wasn't right for me. Maybe someday, but I'm more in-between than TS. Intimate relationships were almost never for me, and always short-lived(one exception)so I've gotten used to the single life. Sex was never a big thing with me anyway. Finding the peace that self-acceptance brings I began to explore another social taboo, diapers. My parents denied me that help but I didn't have to so I began cycles of wearing pinned-on towels, especially after a night of drinking. With a plastic bag under me, my bed stayed mostly dry now, another success! I was in my late 30's before I got online and discovered other AB/DL's. That brought me more peace, but I'm still in the closet with diapers. My DL life is private and I share it only online. Were I to find the right person I might chance it, but handling rejection isn't one of my better qualities.

After finding that diapers and plastic panties were easily obtained online, I soon had a nice collection. Knowing that my being DL was here to stay I didn't purge. I tried several disposables and found that I preferred to feel wet so I tried cloth. I was hooked again, but laundry was a problem, so now I mostly wear disposables, wearing cloth only when I really want to. I always wear plastic or rubber panties since that is part of the experience for me, and they help greatly to prevent leakage. Most of my diaper wearing is at home, and almost always in bed. I rarely poop my diapers but if a change is imminent anyway I occasionally take the easy way out. For me, it's all about being wet, knowing I'm wet, and feeling it! I wear diapers in public occasionally but well hidden. I wet them there too and so far it's not been a problem. After long thought I decided that I really want to become a bedwetter again, but only while wearing diapers. I tried a free hypnosis thing but it didn't seem to help. My sleep has always been restless, waking several times just to go pee, and I'm tired of that. I still wake to pee most of the time, but I've surprised myself by waking up wet and it's happening more often. I worry some that I will end up needing diapers for bed all the time but if that happens I'll just get used to it. I'm sleeping better than ever before and happily reaching my goal of being a diapered bedwetter. I'm becoming more comfortable sharing this part of me so I decided to quit being a lurker here and share a bit of me with you. Where will this lead? Who knows, but life is for living and my journey goes on!

Bettypooh

[Repaid1]

Well I for one thank you for sharing, and Welcome you from the "Lurking" status. I hope you can meet some new friends online soon, and who knows where it will go from there!! Again Welcome!

[packrat]

Welcome to the community Bettypooh:

I just celebrated #59 and wouldn't change a thing. Hope you've found some support here.

[DIAPERPHANTOM]

Welcome to the site, Bettypooh! Enjoyed reading your intro. Hope to see you around the boards.

[Bettypooh]

Thank you for the welcome and I already feel quite a bit "at home" here As I get closer to my goal of bedwetting again I'll keep you posted Ditto of any other significant diaper events in my life

Bettypooh