Told My Mom! Not Good!

[Morv]

And as for that little 'Tale of the Twins' up top there.

[StillNeedCntrl]

Unfortunately the anonymity of the internet gives people the freedom to say whatever they wish without fear of retribution. I'm glad to see you are able to ignore those people who feel it's okay to browbeat you into agreeing with their position on an issue that doesn't have anything to do with them.

You seem like a smart, articulate guy, Still, and the fact that you're not blinded to aspects of yourself that you might not like, will serve you well in the long run.

That's great. A good therapist(and one that isn't tied to a certain belief system) is an excellent resource. I spent a number of years in therapy (nothing to do with the diapers) and having someone unbiased to talk to can be extremely helpful.

Thanks for the compliments

I think it'll be good to have someone to talk to that doesn't have an agenda in mind before we even meet.

I'm still having trouble sleeping I'm really tired but just can't stay asleep. I slept for like two hours tonight but fell out of bed and can't get back to sleep.

[Guest Dill Pickle]

Thanks for the compliments

I think it'll be good to have someone to talk to that doesn't have an agenda in mind before we even meet.

I'm still having trouble sleeping

[Guest Dill Pickle]

Thanks for the compliments

I think it'll be good to have someone to talk to that doesn't have an agenda in mind before we even meet.

I'm still having trouble sleeping

[Pipsqueak]

At this point you need drugs

I think that's a diagnosis that only a qualified psychiatrist should be making. We are hearing Still's story via an internet forum board. There are lots of things that we don't know and jumping to a conclusion of major depressive illness is premature. Psychotropic drugs are helpful in the right situations but not all situations require medication. Let's let the doctor make that call.

[Morv]

At this point, I'd like Morv and others opinions on showing your parents some of the stories about the results of changing gays to non-gays.

I have an opinion on nearly everything... and on this one, would you clarify what you mean before I answer. Do you mean stories shared here, or stories online? And to what end?

I'm not sure if I accept that being homosexual is unchangable, chosen, or somewhere inbetween. I'm leaning for the middle ground on this one. No matter which, though, I don't really see being homosexual as a problem. Damn it frustrates me to see two attractive women together, but I would never presume to have the right to tell them that their lifestyle is wrong, immoral, etc. I also don't believe that it is. (It just won't ever cease to frustrate me that there's a chick out there that's taken by another chick. I mean, damn! That's double the penalty to my chances of hooking up! :ramble on:)

Anyway, I'm just not so sure what the point is on this one. If StillNeedCntrl (by the way, for no real reason, here's a quick rant: your name bothers me. Nothing wrong with it except your first two words are full and your third is an abbreviation and it isn't a standard accepted abbreviation (such as Ctrl as you see on a keyboard), so I can't figure out how you got it... unless you just removed the vowels... which would make sense) believed he was gay and was having issues/problems with that belief and his family... then I'd see where this need is comming from....

so this all comes to... What are you getting at Dill?

Ok, StillNeedCtrl -- I think I know what you need. I'm gonna tell you in simple terms.

Go have some fun. Enjoy yourself. You're only 18. Go for a run if it makes you feel good. Take a walk outside. Talk with friends. Find a great computer game, online or not, and play it for hours on end. Whatever. Find something to make you happy, and just go for it. (Heck, you might even try something new.)

[StillNeedCntrl]

It sounds like you are having serious depression issues...especially if you are peeing yourself and not on purpose.

Have only done it a couple of times. I used to pee when really stressed as a kid so you are probably right. I need to see the real shrink bad, still can't sleep and it's driving me nuts!

At this point, I'd like Morv and others opinions on showing your parents some of the stories about the results of changing gays to non-gays.

Why would I show those stories to my parents? I'm not gay so there is nothing to change. I know if I was gay they would want me to change but since I'm not there's no point in having that argument.

On jobs:

[StillNeedCntrl]

I hope you are getting exercise...my Dr says you need to be walking at least a mile every day, and I suspect I need to be outside for an hour or two in full daylight every day.

[StillNeedCntrl]

Ok, StillNeedCtrl --

[Morv]

I do need to do stuff I want too just don't always know what I want.

Start with something simple. Things like video games, a special food, watching a good movies, whatever. You don't have to flood your life with it -- just give yourself something every day that is just for fun. Not to get better, not to improve, but just to have fun.

I think you can come up with something. The whole point is to be happy.

[Guest Guest]

Have only done it a couple of times. I used to pee when really stressed as a kid so you are probably right. I need to see the real shrink bad, still can't sleep and it's driving me nuts!

(morv's right...need to check with a real Dr on the drugs..he or she needs to know little details like this)

Why would I show those stories to my parents? I'm not gay so there is nothing to change. I know if I was gay they would want me to change but since I'm not there's no point in having that argument.

I do go for a lot of walks when I need a break. (don't wait for that to go for a walk!) Walk a lot at night just don't talk about it much because my parents wouldn't be happy about me being out in the middle of the night with no one knowing where I am. (uh, you are wandering about for half the night?

[Guest Guest]

I've gotten a couple of nasty emails from people who say I should be 100% against the program and the people who run it, so let me try and clear up my feelings on the program: I don't think it's wrong to be "gay" if that's who God made you to be. If I was gay I would be flatly refusing this therapy and stuff for sure. They aren't trying to keep me from being gay because I am not gay, they are helping me to make better choices for who I am. It's so hard to explain but I ended up in an unwanted homosexual encounter because I didn't think about who I was getting into a relationship with, even if it was a one-time relationship and even if I thought it wasn't going to be about sex. I did not make a responsible choice for myself. THAT is what they are helping me with.

That's what we've been trying to tell you. They're applying the ex-gay methodology to you even though you personally are not. Anything deviating from what they've defined as "normal" may as well be gay. They don't want you going out into the world until you're "cured", and getting the secular shrink is definately a step in the right direction. Don't be afraid to let this shrink talk to your parents, about topics that both of you agree on should be shared, to give them some much-needed, professional angles on what you're going through.

In all honesty this sexual encounter you had says to me that both of you were inexperienced and wanted different things. The fact that it seems you didn't establish a safe word says that to me in spades.

[dldad]

Something you may want to explore, check with your counselor, see about getting into some sort or club, or organization, both for exercize, companionship, and to have some fun. Watch out for the late night walks, some places do have curfews for under certain ages and the police could stop you and question you, so have ID and definitely watch the areas you travel.

Having depression does many things to you both physically and emotionally. A good physical may help determine any physical cause. Medication under supervision may help, counselling may help also, even more. Be open with the counsellor as long as you are comfortable with them. Develop a bond with them. Regardless of their religious background, I feel that they are there to help. Yet watch for those who wish to force their philosophies on you. Even within this forum, I think the general concessus is to offer suggestions which may be of some help. But as you have seen there are a wide range of suggestions. Consider those that youthink will help you the most.

Ask your counsellor for other suggestions. Only don't bring up where you may have received any suggestions, such as this forum. The worst thing about depression is getting out of the shell it constructs around you. I know, have had it for many years. Take care of yourself, physically and emotionally. You can be your own best friend or enemy. Don't let it be the later. Have some fun, watch your favorite movie (s), read a good book, go for walks, if during the daylight, that could help, look for the beauty around you. If your family has anything they have done together in the past for fun, yet not in a long time, ask for a family outing. You have to think outside of the shell to get out of it. Just a few of my thoughts while I have a little computer time. Hopefully you can take things here with a thought towards helping in you situation. HAVE SOME FUN. Life is to short.

[StillNeedCntrl]

Well, I was reacting to the idea that you parents still had you "in the program" but just not at camp.

[StillNeedCntrl]

My parents are kind of freaked out again today. I got a little sick in church and had to go outside to get some air in the middle of the service. It was the pastor's fault but I can't tell my parents that.

The pastor has been having people pray for me during services. He doesn't use names but he lists off the things people are dealing with and asks everyone to pray for them. Well today he asked people to pray for "the young man who was sexually assaulted and is trying to become whole again and is struggling to find his place in God's world." which made me cringe but I was okay until he also had people pray for forgiveness for the guy that did it too me. That bothered me cuz I am not ready to forgive him.

I held it together for a few minutes because I thought if I ran out on the spot people would know it was me the pastor was talking about so I waited until the next little break in the service and split. When my parents came out I just said I was feeling sick and needed to go home.

[StillNeedCntrl]

In all honesty this sexual encounter you had says to me that both of you were inexperienced and wanted different things. The fact that it seems you didn't establish a safe word says that to me in spades.

No. I think he has a lot of experience. He knew what I wanted he just didn't care. I didn't know to use a safe word because I didn't think we were going to be doing anything that rough! Don't think he would have listened anyway if I had used a safe word.

One of the things that is upsetting me a lot is that he keeps emailing me. I told him I don't want to do anything like that agin but he keeps calling me names and telling me that I will do what he says and that keeping him waiting is just going to make him make it hurt more and cause him to give me a beating before he does it.

[Pipsqueak]

One of the things that is upsetting me a lot is that he keeps emailing me. I told him I don't want to do anything like that agin but he keeps calling me names and telling me that I will do what he says and that keeping him waiting is just going to make him make it hurt more and cause him to give me a beating before he does it.

Most e-mail accounts have a BLOCK feature. Block his address so that his messages are sent back or delete your current e-mail account and get a new one. If he starts turning up at your house then you need to go to the police about him. Hopefully that won't become an issue.

You need to tell your parents that what the pastor says in church upsets you and makes things more difficult. You shouldn't have to sit through that. They (or you) can either ask him to stop or you should stop attending. I'm sure he's well-meaning but he's not helping you by doing that.

[Guest Guest]

You need to tell your parents that what the pastor says in church upsets you and makes things more difficult. You shouldn't have to sit through that. They (or you) can either ask him to stop or you should stop attending. I'm sure he's well-meaning but he's not helping you by doing that.

Better yet, YOU need to tell the pastor that.

[Guest Dill Pickle]

Better yet, YOU need to tell the pastor that.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Dead on about the pastor...telling him that you are not ready for it is an imporatant part of expressing your boundaries.

If your assaulter is still contacting you, and abusing you, it is time you told the police (or at least your therapist or counsellor or doctor) about these threatening messages. This guy isn't just experienced, he's showing all the signs of being a rapist, and one who has raped before and will again. He also seems to be a stalker. He doesn't deserve to be on the street, and he doesn't deserve to be allowed to continue to threaten and depress you. You aren't going to get out of your funk until this guy is at least out of your life. And get a helper when you communicate with him.

(There's also no stronger way to tell your parents that you reject this homosexual encounter as not being what you want)

And threatening someone, even over the internet, is a crime. You are being threatened, no wonder you are still so depressed.

********************

I'll suggest that working a bit at various jobs right now is a good way to experience bits of the real world without too much commitment.

[Guest Dill Pickle]

No. I think he has a lot of experience. He knew what I wanted he just didn't care. I didn't know to use a safe word because I didn't think we were going to be doing anything that rough! Don't think he would have listened anyway if I had used a safe word.

One of the things that is upsetting me a lot is that he keeps emailing me. I told him I don't want to do anything like that agin but he keeps calling me names and telling me that I will do what he says and that keeping him waiting is just going to make him make it hurt more and cause him to give me a beating before he does it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

THIS SHOULD DISTURB YOU GREATLY....and cause you to call the police....this guy is an abuser and the cops should know about him....and you need to cut off all contact with him and get professional help with that cutoff. You are *way* over your head with this guy, and you don't want to end up a statistic.

Tthere are way too many stories of jealous abusers carrying through with their threats and killing their partners not to take him dead serious. This guy also does not belong on the streets.

[Rhezz]

Man this has gone long enough, you got loads of advice from us, but you just seem to be falling deeper into more weird shit.

SORRY TO SAY BUT YOUR FAMILYS PRINICIPLES SUCK! Seriously, wtf do they have in mind, putting your own kid through that shit.

Its mad, and twisted.

[Morv]

First, I think others already nailed the issues with the guy online. Block his e-mail account. Tell your therapist about the continuing contact. (If you have another therapist by now, tell both.) First you need to discuss the impact of the continued encounters, and, they will tell you the best course of action -- and most likely it will agree with what people have said here. I'm not going to tell you you should or shouldn't call the police, that is a decision up to you, but do be aware the police are there to protect and serve the public, even if they don't act like it all the time.

Ask your counsellor for other suggestions.

[StillNeedCntrl]

I upset everyone today.

I told my abuser to go away and that I felt he raped me and if he kept contacting me I'd go to the cops but if he left me alone I wouldn't. Then I blocked him from emailing or Iming me. I don't actually want to tell the cops but I guess I will if I have too. He doesn't know where I live so I hope this is the end of it. Can't tell my parents as they'd take away my internet access for sure if they knew what has been going on. Didn't tell the church shrink either. Will talk to my real shrink about it.

Told my parents I want my privacy back. I'll go to church and therapy and whatever else but I don't want everyone knowing my business and talking about me. When I mentioned the church incident mom said I would have to be the one to tell the pastor not to talk about me, so I called him and told him. Don't think mom expected me to actually do it. I was polite about it. Just told him that church is supposed to be a safe place and I don't need to hear my troubles repeated and just don't want to have to think about that kind of stuff 24/7.

Told the church shrink that whatever I say to her has to be private or I'll just sit there silently for an hour a day. We agreed she would only talk about things if I gave permission to share some stuff. She seemed to take it as a good thing that I was standing up for myself.

Was kind of hard to act tough today cuz I spent last night crying and puking but things needed to change. I still haven't slept much and feel really tired and sick. Going to meet my new shrink in a few minutes I hope he'll give me something to make me sleep.

[Lil_Miss_Ruffles]

Good for you hun. I think you did the right things there. Polite, but firm. If you allow others to run everything, they most generally will. It's quite alright to stand up for yourself but be polite about it at the same time. If anyone ever gets rude, always try to let it be the other guy. Your conscience will always rest easier that way (even when you really wanted to get nasty). You'll feel better for it in the long run.

I'm cheering for you hun. Hang in there and take some time to have some fun.

Sincerest regards,

Ruffles

[Morv]

I think these things will be good for you in the end. I just want you to know there's some people out there who are proud of you for working through this and standing up for yourself.