Rejected Proposal... Guess Why

[wetvinyl]

Alice and I have been seeing each other for almost 12 years. Yeah yeah, save your outrage. We're each others' best friend... seen each other through hell and heaven, been through it all together. We've broken up/gotten back together more times than I can count... but we still love each other.

One final thing: She is the one and only person I told about my DL side (6 years ago). She wasn't interested, but didn't seem to judge.

I just proposed to her. I want her in my life.

She said no-- because she could "never be married to a man that likes to wear diapers". Period.

Two hours on the phone later: Non-negotiable.

Fuck. That's all I can write for now.

wv

[singner]

I am certainly no master of love, having had no girlfriends myself...

But it occurs to me you are at a cross-roads...

Diapers or Woman of your dreams?

Do you choose your lifestyle and what makes you happy?

Or do you choose a woman who does not accept this part of you, but whom you think could make you happy?

Either choice will be a painful one, my friend, but perhaps this one is not the right woman for you.

[lynniehyde]

Alice and I have been seeing each other for almost 12 years. Yeah yeah, save your outrage. We're each others' best friend... seen each other through hell and heaven, been through it all together. We've broken up/gotten back together more times than I can count... but we still love each other.

One final thing: She is the one and only person I told about my DL side (6 years ago). She wasn't interested, but didn't seem to judge.

I just proposed to her. I want her in my life.

She said no-- because she could "never be married to a man that likes to wear diapers". Period.

Two hours on the phone later: Non-negotiable.

Fuck. That's all I can write for now.

wv

Boy. The questions abound. Why, after twelve solid years of your good relationship, did she suddenly decide she wanted no part of you? You state that she was made aware of your diaper love, 6 years ago. Why didn't she cut it off at that point? If she truly loved you, this whole thing should not be an issue for separation. It's something to be discussed and worked out. If, the relationship is a valid one to begin with. That's really at the crux of the issue, here. It should have been addressed at the very beginning, before you became so involved. 12 years ago, when you felt it may turn into a serious relationship.

Better love next time, is all I can say. And, it should serve as an example to all those ABDLs out there who continue to keep their desires hidden from their SOs.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

PS: Stop whining. Move on.

[lynniehyde]

"if there (sp) minds are that closed then they don't have room for me.

To put it another way. You don't have room for them.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

[DIAPERPHANTOM]

wetvinyl,

Sorry to hear things didn't work out. I too am a little perplexed that she used your diaper wearing as the reason for saying no, when she's known about it for 6 years. Just doesn't make sense... I want to say "her loss" and leave it at that, but I know it's more complicated than that, especially after 12 years.

[wetvinyl]

Thank you for all your replies... She and I had another phone convo after my post... but first I'll reply to these, to clarify:

ouch

well......ummmmm...hopefully she is still willing to be your friend...

She and I have been together way too long, and through way too much, to not remain friends-- no matter what. She knows me better than anyone on earth. (Thus, my disbelief at her refusal.)

singner: Diapers or Woman of your dreams?

Do you choose your lifestyle and what makes you happy?

Or do you choose a woman who does not accept this part of you, but whom you think could make you happy?

This was pretty much the basis of the "Single Scene" poll question I posted, a few days ago... Which would you place more importance in?

Personally, I'd go with the "everything else, and hope for her acceptance of my DL side" option.

Despite my current drama, I believe it's ultimately better to find a partner who meshes with the other 95% of your life-interests that don't involve diapers... rather than trying to pair up with someone who's only narrowly interested in that ABDL 5%. Because once your partner has found someone who shares their affinity for Russ Meyer flicks, left-of-center politics, Indian cuisine, the RedSox, and Mk2 Deep Purple... hey, your diaper fetish is a pretty minor discovery-- and could actually become endearing private fun... part of a LTR based on other commonalities than just narrow ABDL-play.

square_duck: In reading over this, it appears that she was Ok with his wearing....as long as they were friends, and that is as far as it went. She said"she could never be married to a man that likes to wear diapers". Period

which means she is OK with the friendship as it was, but anything more was unacceptable.

Heh... oh no, duck-- by the time I came out to her, we'd left the "just friends" point far behind

We've been across peaks and valleys since then, and for the past year or so been in a sort-of "friends with benefits" mode... but neither of us has closed the door to going forward. Both of us have flirted with the "M' word, recently... which is why her declaration tonight was such a shock. It came out of left field-- she'd never brought it up before. It had been a non-issue. Suddenly, THAT was why she was saying "No way".

I'll be honest: There are a dozen other things she could have said "Hell no-- because you don't ________." Hell, I'm not perfect (and neither is she); I'm a work in progress. But off all the things she could have called out, she picked the ONE thing that is not going to change. Hell yes, I'll clean the bathroom (even though I think it's spotless), I'll cook her dinner once in a while (and do the dishes), I'll be a partner... but my diapers? Babe-- that thing ISN'T going to change... even if I wanted it to.

square_duck: Maybe, if you talk to her again, try mentioning that you don't wish to be married to a woman who uses (insert personal feminine product item here) pads or tampons to see if she might get the point, since its basically the same thing.

Um... yeah. This is unrealistic semantics. If I choose not to wear diapers, I'll be personally resentful. If she chooses not to wear a tampon, she'll be an embarrassed, visible mess. Not a discussion point I'll want to bring up with her-- but thanks anyway

square_duck: Or maybe she just doesn't like the possible public humiliation possibility if anyone else found out ...."yesh hes a great guy, but did you hear he wears diapers?? and LIKES it???!!!!!" yadda yadda yadda BULL!

She knows I'm utterly private and discreet about it. Nobody else knows-- and she respects my privacy.

lynniehyde: Boy. The questions abound. Why, after twelve solid years of your good relationship, did she suddenly decide she wanted no part of you? You state that she was made aware of your diaper love, 6 years ago. Why didn't she cut it off at that point? If she truly loved you, this whole thing should not be an issue for separation. It's something to be discussed and worked out. If, the relationship is a valid one to begin with. That's really at the crux of the issue, here. It should have been addressed at the very beginning, before you became so involved. 12 years ago, when you felt it may turn into a serious relationship.

First, it's not like she "wants no part of me"-- we're still talking. She called me again right after my initial post.

I can't explain why I didn't tell her straight off-- but then, it's not hard to understand: At that point, in 1996, I'd been a solitary DL for almost 30 years. I think I discovered DPF a few months later, but even that didn't really play into my desision to hold back. Truth be told, I'd been alone with my diapers for so long, I kinda preferred it that way-- it was my own secret, private joy. I had no real desire to have my gf change me, or share in diaper-play at all at that point.

Diapers have always been a sexual release for me. But now I had a gf who was pretty much good to go, all the time. Diapers naturally fell by the wayside. So... why tell her?

As far as What made her change her mind about it, since I first told her six years ago? I dunno... just one thing: In 2004, I had a pretty major medical emergency and I was in the hospital for a few weeks. In the meantime, my landlord decided to raise the rent and kick me out (long story). My gf came over to start packing my things while I was still in hosp, and found a bag of used diapers. She told me that was the breaking point-- no f'ing way. I told her, Ok, I admit that was wrong and embarrassing, I wish you hadn't found those, I wouldv've taken them out to the trash pick-up just 3 days after I went into hosp. She said "It didn't matter, I found them and now I can't get it out of my head-- my boyfriend wears diapers." Game, set, match-- and she didn't want to discuss it anymore.

Well, anyway... again, thanks for your replies. When she called back, she confronted me with some passive/aggressive line about "well yes I told you I couldn't live with that-- but if you were sincere about your proposal, you would have tried to change my mind" or something. Um-- WTF?? If she honestly couldn't deal with it, why would I try to--

No, I couldn't even begin to go down THAT road.

wv

EDIT: I've just read this back, and (1) she sounds insane (she's not-- a little broken, but no more than myself), (2) she wouldn't disagree with any statement I've ascribed to her here, and (3) maybe I should get out more often.

[lynniehyde]

When you learn to embrace and accept this part of your being, others will follow and accept. You have friends and you will make new ones, too. Trust me. I know. Just be honest. To yourself and those you feel comfortable with.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

[LordOfKarma]

yo man i skpped a lot of other ppls posts and whatnot .. but .. 12 years of friendhsip and she knows u weell and whatnot and she frets on your diapers ?? i dunno ..

maybe shes got issues of her own where she just cant seem to get rid of you altogether. . or anybody else for that matters.. its not that big of a deal really .. (to wear diapers that is)

of course.. some people DO NOT find it attractive .. and in a friendship that wants to go above, its a big deal.

but if you cannot part with it .. or if she cannot make some sacrifice (with you doing sacrifices about it, of course) then maybe its just not meant to be that way.

personally i believe love is first frienship .. then you agree to take it further with sex.

u got the friend part nailed down .. if she doesnt have the sex part alright .. dont force it ..

i understand where u come from .. its all about friendship first THEN sex .. but its still very important .. if she doesnt want it .. its sad but u gotta let it go man .. u gotta let it go

im sry

[phogendpf]

Unfortunately, this is exactly what I expected. I posted in the excuses for diapers thread for a reason lol. Women don't want a guy who wears diapers. arghhhhh

[AndB]

I've read the posts here with some interest. First of all, tough break, man. Like you said, WTF? It seems from your followup that she may be willing to be convinced...but that's just judging from a post on a website, you know your own situation best.

I've been around long enough to learn that you'll never be able to make a choice like "woman or diapers." It just doesn't work like that, which is unfortunate because it really wouldn't be a hard choice.

Well, don't give up! That's the best I can say.

[Dill_Pickle]

Thank you for all your replies... She and I had another phone convo after my post... but first I'll reply to these, to clarify:

(snip)

I can't explain why I didn't tell her straight off-- but then, it's not hard to understand: At that point, in 1996, I'd been a solitary DL for almost 30 years. I think I discovered DPF a few months later, but even that didn't really play into my desision to hold back. Truth be told, I'd been alone with my diapers for so long, I kinda preferred it that way-- it was my own secret, private joy. I had no real desire to have my gf change me, or share in diaper-play at all at that point.

Diapers have always been a sexual release for me. But now I had a gf who was pretty much good to go, all the time. Diapers naturally fell by the wayside. So... why tell her?

(snip)

(Your gal doesn't sound insane, but she's clearly got some issues and may need to do some serious work on them...and a proposal should *NEVER* be a surprise on a deep level...)

Lets see, I've been through the "got regular sex, don't need diapers as much" period...the double-whammy of really needing them happened when we were separated for work reasons...then I told her.

Part of the discussion since that time has been boundaries....as in she is turned off by diapers (and, in her shoes, I would be too), so I keep them "out of sight, out of mind" for her. This isn't to say I don't wear diapers all the time, and wet them too, just that she doesn't want to be involved and I make some effort to keep her unawares. She wants a husband who cares about HER, not one she has to take out the dirty diapers for.

It sounds like you two have some kind of personal space issues in your relationship...you talk about being really close friends, then you have these contretemps.... I am aware of two couples of longstanding (years and years) who are romantically involved, but don't share living quarters or children...they are tied together by what they do outside of sleeping EVERY night together. That doesn't work for me...but it sounds like something you should consider. In my case, we both have our jobs, which separate us all day long, (the average phone call between us is to let me know I need to come home), so it's nice to have a partner in the evening.

I can also tell you that the gal, who is now my wife, talked with me about getting married for awhile before we up and did the deed on a family vacation. I suggest you talk with your friend about where she sees herself going, as well as where you see yourself going....do you need children, that kind of a thing...communications here is the most important thing...

[lynniehyde]

Bring her in here and let her read your posts and the subsequent replies, then see what happens.....?

qwack

Squares, that's just about the best advo I've seen here in some time.

Let her into your world. You just might be pleasantly surprised.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

[boy ricky]

Despite my current drama, I believe it's ultimately better to find a partner who meshes with the other 95% of your life-interests that don't involve diapers... rather than trying to pair up with someone who's only narrowly interested in that ABDL 5%. Because once your partner has found someone who shares their affinity for Russ Meyer flicks, left-of-center politics, Indian cuisine, the RedSox, and Mk2 Deep Purple... hey, your diaper fetish is a pretty minor discovery-- and could actually become endearing private fun... part of a LTR based on other commonalities than just narrow ABDL-play.

you sound awesome, a lefty, indian food and good movies and diapers. I like everything you said except the red sox. not that i dont like them, its just that i like the Jays way more.

i guess it wouldnt work.

[fairfaxdl]

My wife and I had this discussion a few months back. Had I told her I was into wetting myself or interested in wearing diapers when we met, she would have dropped me quick AND told everyone she knew how weird I was.

But she said that after being married for so long and after all we’ve been through its not the worse thing that can happen. She said she would be able to get over it if I had a physical disability so why not if I had some sort of compulsion to wear a diaper? She said that someone with a compulsion to wear but doesn’t may have more trouble and have more problems as a result of denying the compulsion. And since its not something that causes any harm to myself or others, it is ok to and even important that I do what feels right.

The fact that I’ve never been happier is a good sign. She doesn’t like it that I wear diapers and wet myself but he does like the new me even better than before.

She even got me a diaper shaped cake with “Happy Diaper Day!” for my one year anniversary of wearing diapers.

I hope things can be worked out between you two and she can accept your good points and your faults.