Some Thoughts On Infantilism

[BabyLex]

It's been awhile since I've posted anything on the boards, which is something I'd like to change, as several topics centered around being an AB have been bouncing around in my head for the past few months. An healthy beneficial aspect of these communal boards (thanks to kind folks such as DailyDi) is that it gives those of us with a shared, but uncommon, interest a place to explore and discuss the nature of what we share. I've come to greatly appreciate some of the testimonials and questions others have posted and have learned from them. In the same vein I'd like to contribute some thoughts to any interested reader.

A quick bit of background: I've known I was an AB since I was a very young age. I knew, the way many of us knew, we never -really- wanted to stop being a baby, but social pressures, parental and educational encouragement took us out of diapers and into big kid situations and our lives changed. I remember fashioning homemade diapers, enjoying the baby toys I could find, and playing like a toddler again and relishing in enjoyment, but often reflected on the time as a guilty pleasure. I've been cyclical in my AB play, sometimes everyday has some AB play and sometimes I go months without any. But, nevertheless, my baby side is an important part of me and one I cherish deeply and am continuing to explore and grow.... perhaps as we all are.

For many years my baby time was a secret, even from my lover of many years. I wouldn't tell anyone about my interest in diapers or playing as a baby, and lived the paranoid lifestyle of ensuring all baby-related items were locked away in secret places where no one would ever find them. (sound familiar?). This wasn't a large problem considering sometimes I'd go long periods between play times, but as the years went by, play time became more and more frequent, and I realized that my AB side was a significant part of my life and that if I was going to keep it -and- be an individual of integrity I was going to have to tell my lover. So in December, after being together 9 years, I came out with my baby side. I didn't ask to radically alter our relationship, nor did I ask to change how we related to each other in any way. I simply didn't want to keep baby Lex a secret anymore, or to have secret stashes of things in our warm home. Telling a lover about your AB/DL side can be an amazingly enlightening experience that leads to newfound sense of peace and serenity. Until then, there's always a low-level anxiety that surrounds play time which has a negative effect on the entire experience. And despite this long lead up, that's the topic I wanted to discuss....

The topic I want to address is: infantilism. The details of this writing are AB specific. (although the abstract concepts apply to DLs and other interests as well, so if you're not an AB and still reading, don't run away yet.). I don't know when it was for anyone else, but at some point we all found ourselves interested in diapers, interested in a kind of 'play' that isn't found in mainstream culture. In fact, until recently it wasn't really talked about in even fringe culture. It's been an interesting evolution, likely catalyzed into a high development phase by the advent of the internet, that's brought us to a point where we can find, talk to, and meet others like ourselves or who have interest in providing things we want and vice versa. But, the question of "What is it?" remains. Someone, somewhere (perhaps it began with the DSMIV, but I'm not sure) coined the term infantilism, while others use AB, some use "age regression" and the list of what we can refer to our interest by goes on... we're even at a point where we're using acronyms. This signifies that we've come to a point where our interest has been analyzed, categorized, and well defined. This is likely a result of studying ourselves and each other and over time developing a culture in which specific definitions and interests can be summarized into single words (or even acronyms). But how did we get here? And why?

Let's take a step back for a second. What's at the core of our shared interest? Is it diapers? Toys? Talk? What is it? I think at its core, it's the fundamental enjoyment we get from exploring and indulging a facet of our identity. It's the pleasure we personally get, somewhere in our minds and hearts from being that special little someone deep inside of us. It's just something we enjoy. It's fun! It's play!

So here's one for you: Why do we try to justify and analyze, classify, define, and psychoanalyze that which is fun? (I'll say there are those who emphatically state that their AB tendencies stem from traumas, but, nevertheless, I have a hard time imagining them being miserable during time spend as an AB). Do we do the same thing for ice cream? Or alcohol? Or rollercoasters? Do we come up with jargon, acronyms, and a ton of classification terms based on whether or we like these other things? Perhaps in some cases: yes, but for the majority the answer would be no. So why the difference? Is it mainstream acceptance? We don't have to analyze our mainstream interests to nearly the same extent, or so it seems....

Well, since we're prone to analyzing our shared interest what do we get from doing so? On the plus side of the equation we get terms which help define our interests among each other. We can quickly and easily discern ABs from DLs from Furries from those who are medically incontinent, etc, and find those whom we are most interesting in associating with. We can analyze our own relationship to our interest and perhaps in so doing come to better understand our own psychological underpinnings and maybe even the mentalities of those around us. We can attempt to find logical reasons which justify our interest to our own rationality which creates the building blocks to perhaps one day justify our interest to the rationality of others thus chipping away at the project of mainstream recognition and acceptance. These are all potential benefits from doing so... I'd be interested to hear any others people can come up with. But what's the disadvantage to (over)analyzing our interest?

"My life has been the poem I would have writ,

But I could not both live and utter it." -- Thoreau

What we learn from Thoreau in this classic poem is that life can not be analyzed from an objective perspective and lived at the same time. One is either on the field, on the stage, on the ice, or sitting on the sidelines in the audience watching and making critical observations about the action that is taking place before them. So what does this mean in terms of the disadvantages of (over)analyzing being an AB? Well, the issue comes to be does analysis, nomenclature, and definition limit one's ability to experience and express themselves during play time? I'm somewhat prone to think it does. In a quest to seek justification and rational explanation for one's desires and behavior, one encounters the universal paradox Voltaire paints in his line:

"Virtue debases itself in justifying itself" --Voltaire

telling us, that the goodness of virtue comes from its lack of justification. I'm exploring the idea that the serenity and simplicity of AB play comes from being care free, irrational, and unjustified. To expend effort to do so detracts from the overall experience. So is taking an interest based on pleasure and enjoyment and turning it into an intellectual and ontological project damaging this wonderful gift we have? I'm semi-prone to think it is...

That's not to say, one shouldn't keep some sense of reality in mind. Choosing the right time, place, circumstances, people, etc to spend play time requires intellectual engagement. As does ensuring the right time, the ability to know when play time is over, to be cognizant and respectful of the boundaries and interests of those around you, to continue to be a good human being while maintaining one's AB interest. Now that isn't to say such precautions can't be outsourced to a trusted companion (for those that have them), but it is to say that someone should be babysitting while there's a baby around ;-).

Now, here's one that's been in the back of my mind. Why do we model ourselves after oppressed groups? Why do we hide who we are, finally share our secret with someone, and always expect the worst? In fact terms like "come out", "being outed" etc are a part of the vocabulary that's developed within our culture. Given the variety of fringe interests in the world, ours hardly seems to compare, but nonetheless we're often very secretive about who we are and our AB interests. What would happen if we simply overcame the inhibition to tell others what we enjoy? Would they truly shun or reject us on the basis that we derive harmless pleasure from a fringe fetish (as they would likely refer to it). Or do we think of ourselves as 'normal' people except for this 'one thing'? Do you think that no one would expect this behavior from you? That your interest in completely secret? What if others did find out? Would it be like being 13 again where the big kids would all laugh and make fun of you and not sit next to you at lunch? I have to wonder... of course we're all suffering from prisoner's dilema... (the reason why 10 armed guards with 100 bullets total can keep 10,000 prisoners in line... because the first few to fight back during insurrection would die, but the other 9,9xx would be free, but who wants to be the first to revolt?).

Alright, so assuming those magic individuals do come forward and forge the way by making the world aware of ABs and what we're about, and that we're good people not into real kids, etc, etc, etc, and now it's mostly accepted to be an AB would you tell more people? Would you tell your lover? Friends? Family? Or would you continue to maintain is a private part of your life, or perhaps only with your other AB friends? Assuming you would become more open about it, then it sounds like the lack of mainstream acceptance does play a significant role in your interactions with the external environment. What's interesting is I'm not certain whether or not ABs would actually be an oppressed minority... I fear they would, but I can't really come up with a good reason for it.... can you?

Is the fact that we keep our interest a secret a causality for others to believe it's bad? If it weren't bad, why would we hide it? Why would we go to such effort to conceal and disguise ourselves if there wasn't something wrong with it? Does the secrecy do us more harm than good? I'm curious about that... In my conversations with my lover his reaction is that most of our friends wouldn't care, but they'd feel kind of strange that I'd kept is a secret for so long which would inherently cause them to wonder where the deeper problem lies. If it were an innocent enjoyment, why the secrecy?

If the culture is still evolving (which I think it is) and is moving more towards a world of mainstream acceptance (probably depends on location and social circumstances), how does one adapt and contribute to said changes? (no pun intended). I think one of the key aspects to remember is to be a good human being first. To remember to live by high standards of honesty, integrity, and sincerity. Sadly, those who tend to get the most attention are the loud and outrageous whereas the hardworking professionals, students, parents, etc tend to become the silent majority. However, in that majority there lies some of the greatest paragons of virtue and examples of how to live a good life. If we can strive to be said people, and over time raise awareness around our shared interest perhaps we'll find that we didn't need to model ourselves after an oppressed group after all.

Then again, perhaps the world really is a cruel place and its best to simply keep personal things private and leave it at that.. <shrugs> The optimistic versus the cynic, they both have a point, and it's fun to be both.

Anyways if you've read this far, thanks for your time.

Another long analysis about the importance of avoiding overanalyzing brought to you by,

--Lex

[Knuxie Fawks]

That was a mouthful, and I'll admit a skimmed a little to cover the main ideas. It really comes down to our over-analytical adult minds. You don't commonly see someone going around in diapers (maybe because they're wearing pants), and it's not thought of as "normal", and in today's society, what's not "normal" is looked down upon. I'm sure if everyone were to "come out" and be open about their love of diapers or enjoyment of regressing to an infantile state, then the results would be astounding, and might take on the mainstream as furry has begun to do.

I think we should start a few localized conventions for AB/DLs. It would start out as a way for AB/DLs to get together and enjoy themselves for a weekend. The problem is finding a hotel that would allow it. People involved must prove they are responsible enough to clean any mess.

This is quite a conundrum. Even in Furry, Babyfur is looked down upon, and those involved hide it. A little ridicule isn't going to stop me from doing what I enjoy and what I do to cope with stress. Coming out isn't as bad as a lot of people think. So you face a little ridicule. So what? Others might even become interested, themselves. As babyfur seems to be in the furry fandom, AB/DL might be contagious in the general crowd.

I'm seeing more and more padded butts out there, and it shows that we're growing. Not hiding would certainly help us grow and help newcomers to be less nervous about it.

And, we should have a few small conventions. I think there might be enough AB/DLs in the Chicago area here to start one at a hotel, or if big enough, maybe someone's house. A word of advice in starting a new convention, if there's a fee, nobody will come. As time goes, and the attending amount becomes more than is able to be handled, then a fee can be stated. (Midwest Furfest has a registration fee of $30 if registered early, and $40 if after their early registration date. And, there's normally around 2000 attendees.)

[ric2]

Its a very thought provoking piece.

I guess that I dont want to broadcast my "DL ism" from the roof tops, but would like to be able to talk, or wear without too much hassle.

In fairness, most people I have spoken about it to, have been positive, and accepting (with one exception). Although my wife cannot deal with my nappy wearing, I do have a good friend who I can talk to, and also wear in his company (under my clothes). Ironically, my wife has spoken to various of her friends, and they are OK too!

My friend say he can see a noticable change (relaxation in me) when I am wearing nappies.

Over the years I have tried to analyse why I am attracted to nappies, and have on many occasions tried to give them up (binge bust cycles etc). For me it comes down to accepting that it is part of me, and also I do enjoy wearing and using them.

Work could be an issue for some, and I do take my hat off to Angela, who seems to have integrated her life choices, needs and work together so well. So more widespread acceptance could allow high profile people to be more open.

An AB/DL convention could be interesting, but I would have difficulty explaining where I was going to the wife!

Ric

[Teddy Bear Brian]

I truly believe the people I need to tell I have told. Perhaps I would want to tell my parents but why? To gain their acceptance? Even if it were main stream I doubt they would accept it. I could be wrong on the other hand and they may already know from things that were found and they accept me now. I think the question is why do we need acceptance so much? I don't want to practice my play out in public anyways. I don't need to talk about it to work colleagues. I met my wife in the lifestyle anyway. I know that not everyone has been this lucky but I think if a partner is worth having then they would accept it anyway.

We as humans I guess crave acceptance. This is why in experiments people were asked easy questions that everyone knows but others around them were instructed to give a wrong answer. They too gave the wrong answer in order to be accepted and included in the group. Some people on these boards claim to not need the acceptance of anyone they are quite happy in being who they are no matter what. I find this hard to believe from my own perspective. It is however possible as my perspective is just that, my own individual perspective.

What is to be gained from this becoming mainstream? I know many people actually enjoy it more since it is not main stream, they feel more individual with it. So in some ways I think we would lose out. I guess it may be easier to find mates and new people would be more exposed to it and not feel alone. There are definitely benefits for both exposure and acceptance and it being private and on the fringes.

I for one think I would remain quite private with it except in the circles I am already open about it even if it went main stream.

[Pipsqueak]

Why do we try to justify and analyze, classify, define, and psychoanalyze that which is fun? (I'll say there are those who emphatically state that their AB tendencies stem from traumas, but, nevertheless, I have a hard time imagining them being miserable during time spend as an AB). Do we do the same thing for ice cream? Or alcohol? Or rollercoasters? Do we come up with jargon, acronyms, and a ton of classification terms based on whether or we like these other things? Perhaps in some cases: yes, but for the majority the answer would be no. So why the difference? Is it mainstream acceptance? We don't have to analyze our mainstream interests to nearly the same extent, or so it seems...

Very interesting topic, BabyLex! Obviously I can only answer for myself, but I think I justify, classify, psychoanalyze etc. for a couple of reasons. The first being that I do that for everything! I love to dig into topics and pull them apart and examine each miniscule little detail. Aside from that ... I think that it's because infantalism has such a strong psychological pull. You mention that we don't do that for other fun, enjoyable things like ice cream and rollercoasters, but I think I can honestly say that I have never experienced that totally demanding, obsessive quality that infantilism causes in me in anything else. And because it's such a powerful urge I can't help but want to know why and where it might have come from. Perhaps if it was considered completely mainstream I would just assume that it was basic human nature and that everyone felt the same way and there was no real need to delve into it ... in fact, if it was mainstream, you can bet that there would probably be scientific explanations for it already because they would have examined it to death.

What is the advantage of analyzing it? I think it leads to a greater understanding of self. If you analyze something about yourself you don't understand (and come to an acceptance of it) you begin to look at yourself in a different way. We strange human beings are extremely good at lying to ourselves and many people go to their graves never really knowing and accepting who they really are.

The disadvantage? Well, I suppose that could be as you say, that we cannot just be in the moment, enjoying ourselves during play because our brain is observing what we're doing and taking mental notes or possibly passing judgement.

As for why we hide ... the reasons are probably more complex and individual. I've always found that when people talk about people (adults) who have to wear diapers it's with a sense of "isn't that horrible?!" They see it as something they'd personally be ashamed of, it was them. Then you have the juvenile humour associated with it. For some reason, perhaps because society has made a point for many generations of shaming children into potty training, that people respond with awkwardness and embarrassment or even disgust to the thought of adults wearing diapers. If the people around us respond that way to others, many of us probably feel they'd respond that way to us too. For some of us, there is also the embarrassment of something that seems completely at odds with who we project ourselves to be to others. If I was the kind of woman who seemed girly and flighty and a little immature it might not be as much of a surprise to people. But that's not the way I am. The AB side of me is a total opposite of the side of me that I have always presented to the people around me. I would be embarrassed to reveal that side to anyone but a long-term partner or someone I knew was also an ABDL or a "mommy/daddy" to ABDLs.

I'll probably have more to say on the topic when I've read some more replies, but that's a start.

[boy ricky]

I love this Baby Lex

I don't like the long posting though cause then you make me turn other stuff off and concentrate. I did that.

Being an AB is fun for me. Its not just something i like to do, its something i find myself doing, drawn too. Growing up i always liked playing with the younger kids. I use to baby sit so i could be with babies and toddlers.

I have always hung onto the kid. Before i met my Daddy i had a partner Steven. Steven and i were a couple but lots of our time was with him treating me like a little kid. He would buy all my clothes, and sometimes they would be very lil boy like. He would make my lunches for work. It was put in a spiderman or scobby doo lunch kit. The lunch was a little kids lunch.

We never got to the diaper play, i think i was lil scared of asking about that. I did pee my pants lots as he liked that. He would tell me what a cute little boy i was. He talked to me a lot like a daddy to a boy. It was a big part of our life. That was ok till he passed away at 44.

After Steven i met Daddy Mike, 3 years later in fact. I had got back to diapers and was meeting Daddies and AB's everywhere.

I have not hid my desire for little kid desires, i have always been the one telling toddler like jokes, playing with a little toy, or a big teddy bear on my desk at work. Everybody seemed to accept it as i was good at my work and i was always smiling. I was nicknamed the kid even by those 15 or 20 years younger.

For me, its more that a desire to be a kid. I love having a Daddy like I do that treats me as a kid or toddler all the time. I am very happy being that kid. Things like not having to know what time it is, where we are supposed to be, what i have to wear unless i have something i really want to wear! When im hungry i ask Daddy for something or he says come and get it.

Lots of times i am with Daddy and his "professional work types". I have to be a big boy then, yet in my head im still Daddy's boy. Daddy makes sure i have a drink if people are doing that, i join in the conversation, contribute to a happy time for all. They will notice i am in clothes that are definitely more boy than adult, yet after talking to me they see that they match and i don't believe its a distraction.

I didn't mean to be talking about what its like so much , but it seems needed to explain what and who i am. I can deal well as an adult, i have been involved in many of the major legislative changes affecting minorities and the disadvantaged in my province and country. I know how to hold a glass of wine, cocktail plate and shake hands, hand out a business card and appear to have a fresh drink all night even though its the first one.

My need to be a little one is strong. Its not for stress relief. Its not a sexual thing. Its not to escape responsibility.

I don't really know why i do need it or why i am this way. I just am.

[Knuxie Fawks]

I truly believe the people I need to tell I have told. Perhaps I would want to tell my parents but why? To gain their acceptance? Even if it were main stream I doubt they would accept it. I could be wrong on the other hand and they may already know from things that were found and they accept me now. I think the question is why do we need acceptance so much? I don't want to practice my play out in public anyways. I don't need to talk about it to work colleagues. I met my wife in the lifestyle anyway. I know that not everyone has been this lucky but I think if a partner is worth having then they would accept it anyway.

We as humans I guess crave acceptance. This is why in experiments people were asked easy questions that everyone knows but others around them were instructed to give a wrong answer. They too gave the wrong answer in order to be accepted and included in the group. Some people on these boards claim to not need the acceptance of anyone they are quite happy in being who they are no matter what. I find this hard to believe from my own perspective. It is however possible as my perspective is just that, my own individual perspective.

What is to be gained from this becoming mainstream? I know many people actually enjoy it more since it is not main stream, they feel more individual with it. So in some ways I think we would lose out. I guess it may be easier to find mates and new people would be more exposed to it and not feel alone. There are definitely benefits for both exposure and acceptance and it being private and on the fringes.

I for one think I would remain quite private with it except in the circles I am already open about it even if it went main stream.

"Most people that say they don't care what people think are normally desperate to make people think they don't care what people think." - George Carlin

It just goes to reason that that which is not "normal" is looked upon in a negative way. So many people are scared to death of someone finding out. They'll do anything to hide it, but it's what they do for themselves. But, what's so bad about diapers? It's just a piece of clothing, really. Sure, the fact that it's being worn opens up new opportunities, like peeing without completely soaking yourself and ruining your clothes, but that's a good thing, right? That just makes a good thing even better. So why is it so frowned upon?! If their were no diapers, we'd all have a lot of stains, right now....

But, all-in-all, this is more-so about community than acceptance. We need to get together with out own kind and become comfortable with the people we are.

[boy ricky]

....

But, all-in-all, this is more-so about community than acceptance. We need to get together with out own kind and become comfortable with the people we are.

I agree, people need to meet others like themselves!!!

[ric2]

Very interesting topic, BabyLex! Obviously I can only answer for myself, but I think I justify, classify, psychoanalyze etc. for a couple of reasons. The first being that I do that for everything! I love to dig into topics and pull them apart and examine each miniscule little detail. Aside from that ... I think that it's because infantalism has such a strong psychological pull. You mention that we don't do that for other fun, enjoyable things like ice cream and rollercoasters, but I think I can honestly say that I have never experienced that totally demanding, obsessive quality that infantilism causes in me in anything else. And because it's such a powerful urge I can't help but want to know why and where it might have come from. Perhaps if it was considered completely mainstream I would just assume that it was basic human nature and that everyone felt the same way and there was no real need to delve into it ... in fact, if it was mainstream, you can bet that there would probably be scientific explanations for it already because they would have examined it to death.

I agree with the psychological pull, because it is so great with me, I first had to come to terms with it and accept myself for who I am (which meant accepting wearing nappies, which took until I was 28); once I had done that, I felt so much more free. I was then also able to talk about it to selected friends, relations etc.

It is also the reason I still struggle trying to balance the nappies with my married life.

Ric

[Teddy Bear Brian]

I really love the community aspects and would definitely be up for attending an event if we could get enough people together. Nicky and I would actually like to organize an event in the midlands of the UK but didn't find the interest was great enough.

"Most people that say they don't care what people think are normally desperate to make people think they don't care what people think." - George Carlin

Thats a great quote.

[BabyLex]

I'm seeing more and more padded butts out there, and it shows that we're growing. Not hiding would certainly help us grow and help newcomers to be less nervous about it.

--Knuxie Fawks

I think you're quite correct in this axiom, although the conundrum is based in who 'we' are and who 'others' are. Let's pretend we all go through stages of growing (or 'un-growing would be more appropriate) in terms of our infantilist development.

First: We discover the urge within ourselves in whatever amorphous form it may be

Second: We identity what that urge is (are we AB, DL, Furry, etc...)

Third: We identify with that urge and seek out information and likely approval. This is the point where we get on the internet to learn more about what we've identified in ourselves. At this stage we are likely still uncertain and scared about how this newfound aspect of ourselves integrates into the rest of our lives, (i.e. what does it really mean to us) as well as will be received by others. Assuming the existence of a community at this stage one is outsider looking in.

Fourth: We come to explore and discover our tendencies and become comfortable with them with like minded people. At this stage we're members of the community, but not leaders. Simply members who enjoy the company of others like ourselves.

Fifth: We come comfortable with our interest and have the ability to share it with others within and outside of the community. At this point one is a liason between those in the community and those outside it. These individuals have achieved a sense of peace and balance in their lives which allows them to live an integrated (however they've chosen to do so) life and aid new members to the community as well as to represent said community to others.

Sixth: Rare, but perhaps one becomes a leader, founder, contributer of a community and gives something back to it. Whether it's a website, chat board, event, or just being a public figure whom others can look to as an example of an individual who is giving to the world.

I think this is also a pyramidal structure with the base of the pyramid comprising of those in the First stages and the capstone being those in the sixth stages (if you will). However, as the pyramid grows it will eventually reach a critical mass where there are enough at both the base and top of the community to attract mainstream attention and, in theory, acceptance. The question is how does each individual foment the development of community in a egalitarian manner?

--

Over the years I have tried to analyse why I am attracted to nappies, and have on many occasions tried to give them up (binge bust cycles etc). For me it comes down to accepting that it is part of me, and also I do enjoy wearing and using them.

--Ric

I can relate to this, I think for me it was coming to terms with the fact that my AB side was a core part of my life. Once I'd openly and honestly accepted that, moving forward with life was much easier. I think in part it was the poison of living a dual life, and trying to deny the existence of the second, but nevertheless vital, half. The fact that majority of your feedback to your DLism has been positive indicates a general trend of acceptance, which again causes me to wonder why we continue model ourselves after oppressed groups? I'm hardly braver than anyone else, but regardless I'm intellectually curious if this predisposition is a necessary evil or unsubstantiated projected fear.

--

"I know many people actually enjoy it more since it is not main stream, they feel more individual with it. So in some ways I think we would lose out. I guess it may be easier to find mates and new people would be more exposed to it and not feel alone. There are definitely benefits for both exposure and acceptance and it being private and on the fringes."

--Teddy Bear Brian

You raise some interesting points in here. In Fowler's stages of development stage 3 is considered the "conformist" stage in which individuals crave acceptance by doing whatever the crowd is doing, attempted to blend in, and fear standing out. It's considered a stage most teenagers undergo when their primary influence (and group they most want acceptance from) is their peers. Whereas some move into stage 4 which is the "non-conformist" stage (I'm vastly oversimplifying, but it's easier than engaging in a psychological treatise) in which an individual seeks to depart from mainstream culture to carve out their identity as one who is on the fringe far away from the mainstream. In both cases mainstream culture is the controlling factor to an individual's behavior. If mainstream culture declares blue the pretty color, those in stage three will wear blue, and those in stage four will wear anything but blue (and make a point of letting people know they aren't wearing blue). Assuming that this is a reasonable model for human behavior and can be applied across the board, it would seem reasonable that those who enjoy AB/DL interests for whatever its relationship is to mainstream culture (whether accepted or fringe) without truly considering whether or not it is a core part of their being have an interest that stems from a different place than those who do.

Then there are individuals like yourself who understand both sides of that equation and maintain an honest relationship with those you value in your life (i.e. the people you needed to tell and thus did so) without soliciting the opinion of either mainstream or fringe culture. I'm curious if you think you'll always want to remain quiet and private with your interest save for like minded circles.

--

"What is the advantage of analyzing it? I think it leads to a greater understanding of self. If you analyze something about yourself you don't understand (and come to an acceptance of it) you begin to look at yourself in a different way. We strange human beings are extremely good at lying to ourselves and many people go to their graves never really knowing and accepting who they really are.

The disadvantage? Well, I suppose that could be as you say, that we cannot just be in the moment, enjoying ourselves during play because our brain is observing what we're doing and taking mental notes or possibly passing judgement. "

--Pipsqueak

I really like this feedback. This is an interesting ontological investigation of what it means to be and to analyze and understand the foundational aspects of one's psyche. Nevertheless, while Socrates said:

"The unexamined life is not worth living"

--Socrates

I have to say that the overanalyzed life is one that is analyzed and observed and not actually lived. So while there is advantage to self understanding, will we ever be one of those people who goes to the grave with a clear conviction as to our true identity? Aside from the Bohdisattvas, Ismeals, Mommads, Jesus's, Buddhas, what have you, I'd have a hard time saying any of us can live up to this expectation.

Nevertheless I appreciate your point of view.

"I would be embarrassed to reveal that side to anyone but a long-term partner or someone I knew was also an ABDL or a "mommy/daddy" to ABDLs. "

--Pipsqueak

I'm curious why this is? I can't say I'm different, but what's your underlying motivation for this basic fear? You aren't hurting anyone, you're enjoying something in the company of consenting adults, so what's the problem? I'm curious if you can articulate it or elaborate as to -why- this is the case? (again I'm not any different, hence my curiosity).

--

"I love this Baby Lex

I don't like the long posting though cause then you make me turn other stuff off and concentrate. I did that." \

--Boy Ricky

Thanks for the kind words and concentration ;-)

"My need to be a little one is strong. Its not for stress relief. Its not a sexual thing. Its not to escape responsibility.

I don't really know why i do need it or why i am this way. I just am."

--Boy Ricky

Actually I thought you while writing this particular missive and appreciate your feedback ;-) I admire your courage to be who you are despite social pressures and tend to hold you as proof that one can live a happy and fulfilling life without hiding their AB side. You seem to be unnaturally in touch with yourself and able to be who you are without fear or apology. I greatly admire this trait and am glad you've stepped into the conversation. You've found a way to integrate the best aspects of your calendar age as well as your mental age, and I'm curious if you have any tips for those of us in our earlier stages of AB development (as outlined above). Any comments would be greatly appreciated.

--

"It just goes to reason that that which is not "normal" is looked upon in a negative way."

--Knuxie Fawks

This is a brilliant observation that summarizes so much of the marrow of the conversation at hand. Do you think this is an axiomatic dictum of reality or rather people's presumed assumption about that which is unexplored? I'm curious. I think in a behavioral sense you are correct in this conclusion, but what's the fundamental underlying aspect of human nature which makes this true? I'd love for you to elaborate on this....

--

"I first had to come to terms with it and accept myself for who I am (which meant accepting wearing nappies, which took until I was 28); once I had done that, I felt so much more free. I was then also able to talk about it to selected friends, relations etc.

It is also the reason I still struggle trying to balance the nappies with my married life."

--Ric

You've described the struggle with finding balance in your marriage and your relationship to nappies. I admire your courage in being able to discuss this tension. What do you think the tension is based on? The nappies aspect have some obvious objectionable qualities such as urine and feces present in the room which by Western standards is unsanitary, but I assume there's a larger issue at play than whether or not your body is lysol clean. Given that you've found so many people to be accepting on a conceptual level, what do you think the objection of your wife is on a practical level (or perhaps even conceptual level)?

--

Just some thoughts on your wonderful feedback. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts with me, I greatly appreciate it.

Another post by,

--Lex

[turtlepins]

Very nice work, Lex. thanks. I actually find it fun to watch people try not to look at the obvious bulge beneath my jeans, and the fact that there is no fly in front. For a long time no one has asked me about it. One very large lady in a wheelchair on the bus noticed. "They look at me, or rather don't look at me that way too." Her comment made me realize that I do the same thing to others. I have to wear them, but it's always been fun! Thanks again.

[Teddy Bear Brian]

You raise some interesting points in here. In Fowler's stages of development stage 3 is considered the "conformist" stage in which individuals crave acceptance by doing whatever the crowd is doing, attempted to blend in, and fear standing out. It's considered a stage most teenagers undergo when their primary influence (and group they most want acceptance from) is their peers. Whereas some move into stage 4 which is the "non-conformist" stage (I'm vastly oversimplifying, but it's easier than engaging in a psychological treatise) in which an individual seeks to depart from mainstream culture to carve out their identity as one who is on the fringe far away from the mainstream. In both cases mainstream culture is the controlling factor to an individual's behavior. If mainstream culture declares blue the pretty color, those in stage three will wear blue, and those in stage four will wear anything but blue (and make a point of letting people know they aren't wearing blue). Assuming that this is a reasonable model for human behavior and can be applied across the board, it would seem reasonable that those who enjoy AB/DL interests for whatever its relationship is to mainstream culture (whether accepted or fringe) without truly considering whether or not it is a core part of their being have an interest that stems from a different place than those who do.

Then there are individuals like yourself who understand both sides of that equation and maintain an honest relationship with those you value in yoiur life (i.e. the people you needed to tell and thus did so) without soliciting the opinion of either mainstream or fringe culture. I'm curious if you think you'll always want to remain quiet and private with your interest save for like minded circles.

I am involved in a BDSM circle and have shared with a few there. It actually came about from a negative discussion about infantilism. I can't remember the details of the conversation but I actually came out in defense of the lifestyle and explained that I was in fact an AB/DL myself. I explained some of the feelings and emotion I got from it and explained how I thought it was different than a lot of the power exchange in BDSM (for me at least). They actually changed their opinion of it since they knew me, liked me and I suppose respected me. I think these are the points where I may speak out. Where I truly can influence positive opinion about the lifestyle with out greatly risking what is important to me I will come out. I don't see the point in coming out just to come out though. I do like the thrill of the possibility of getting caught but would not like to actually get caught. I do have to say sharing with the people I have shared with and receiving the acceptance was a wonderful thing. As far as the mainstream is concerned I have never been a follower of it. I'm not a devout follower of fashion nor of anti-fashion. I don't feel I belong to a particular group although I don't disassociate from any in particular. I am Christian and one of my best friends at work is pagan and another atheist. Now I'm rambling a bit so to answer your question. Yes and no. Yes when it can benefit the community with out great risk and no when the risk to my 'normal' life is too great or when it is just for the sake of it.

[boy ricky]

"My need to be a little one is strong. Its not for stress relief. Its not a sexual thing. Its not to escape responsibility.

I don't really know why i do need it or why i am this way. I just am."

--Boy Ricky

Actually I thought you while writing this particular missive and appreciate your feedback ;-) I admire your courage to be who you are despite social pressures and tend to hold you as proof that one can live a happy and fulfilling life without hiding their AB side. You seem to be unnaturally in touch with yourself and able to be who you are without fear or apology. I greatly admire this trait and am glad you've stepped into the conversation. You've found a way to integrate the best aspects of your calendar age as well as your mental age, and I'm curious if you have any tips for those of us in our earlier stages of AB development (as outlined above). Any comments would be greatly appreciated.

This has been a great discussion.

I spend many days often a couple weeks in what many of you would describe as a regressed state, a place i love. That time i am Daddy's little boy in all aspects. No big boy stuff. The hard part is at the end, when we know i have to go out in the world as a big boy. It is very difficult emotionally to cross the bridge. I cry, i don't want to go. I do it and after a few hours i make it and deal with all the big boy stuff i need too. While doing it i am still a little boy, albeit a darn smart one, i am gifted in understanding others and managing to get people to work together so am sought after by social service agencies and politicians all the time. Thats my big boy work. Im not sure if many of you will understand this, maybe you all will, anyway when i am doing that work, i still see myself as a kid, i still feel like one. I am a kid in adult world. That maybe why i manage to get people to work together, i look at problems and see solutions vs problems.

--

"It just goes to reason that that which is not "normal" is looked upon in a negative way."

--Knuxie Fawks

This is a brilliant observation that summarizes so much of the marrow of the conversation at hand. Do you think this is an axiomatic dictum of reality or rather people's presumed assumption about that which is unexplored? I'm curious. I think in a behavioral sense you are correct in this conclusion, but what's the fundamental underlying aspect of human nature which makes this true? I'd love for you to elaborate on this....

--

-Lex

There is no normal. Very few people live the with the house, 2 kids, picket fence life and all it conjures up. They all have things about them that others might describe as abnormal.

Ab's are just recently being recognised in mental health circles. There maybe a little AB in every adult out there. Some of us have alot more. I see my efforts as helping to understand us. Its one step at a time. I function well as either a lil boy or an adult. I am happy as a boy. Thats not to say im unhappy as a "big boy".

boy ricky

[BabyLex]

Very nice work, Lex. thanks. I actually find it fun to watch people try not to look at the obvious bulge beneath my jeans, and the fact that there is no fly in front. For a long time no one has asked me about it. One very large lady in a wheelchair on the bus noticed. "They look at me, or rather don't look at me that way too." Her comment made me realize that I do the same thing to others. I have to wear them, but it's always been fun! Thanks again.

<smiles> I actually spent a week in a wheelchair once, for the sake of perspective. It really was an amazing experience. It's inexpensive (you can usually borrow one from someone, or pick one up from goodwill, use it and give it back) and really gives you a new appreciation for your ability to walk. I learned a lot, including how differently people treat you and how difficult the world can be to navigate.

I admire the fact that you wear in public, it's neat that you're willing to talk to others about it. I would guess you're one of those individuals who is more at peace with yourself and your diapers than most. Thanks for being sane, open, and honest about your situation, it makes the world better.

Admiration from,

--Lex

[BabyLex]

I am involved in a BDSM circle and have shared with a few there. It actually came about from a negative discussion about infantilism. I can't remember the details of the conversation but I actually came out in defense of the lifestyle and explained that I was in fact an AB/DL myself. I explained some of the feelings and emotion I got from it and explained how I thought it was different than a lot of the power exchange in BDSM (for me at least). They actually changed their opinion of it since they knew me, liked me and I suppose respected me. I think these are the points where I may speak out. Where I truly can influence positive opinion about the lifestyle with out greatly risking what is important to me I will come out. I don't see the point in coming out just to come out though. I do like the thrill of the possibility of getting caught but would not like to actually get caught. I do have to say sharing with the people I have shared with and receiving the acceptance was a wonderful thing. As far as the mainstream is concerned I have never been a follower of it. I'm not a devout follower of fashion nor of anti-fashion. I don't feel I belong to a particular group although I don't disassociate from any in particular. I am Christian and one of my best friends at work is pagan and another atheist. Now I'm rambling a bit so to answer your question. Yes and no. Yes when it can benefit the community with out great risk and no when the risk to my 'normal' life is too great or when it is just for the sake of it.

That's really cool that you were able to sum the courage to intervene into the negative talk regarding AB/DLs by telling your peers about your interest. I'm curious how it was received at the time, and how you think its changed their overall opinion about AB/DLs as well as remaining open minded to outside fringe interests?

I understand the paradoxical desire to be free of hiding the interest and simultaneous fear of it. In some ways I think its a desire that's masked with pragmatic excuses, but nevertheless is a core desire to be accepted for who you are. I think the fear stems from the fear of being rejected, ridiculed, or having your life radically altered because people know you for who you are. This is a common syndrome known as "imposter syndrome" which is based on the idea that people like and accept us for who they think we are, and we know it.... and if they ever knew us for who we -really- are they would reject us. It's a strange mindset, but an all too common one.

Thanks for your feedback, I greatly appreciate it.

Interested in hearing more from you,

--Lex

[BabyLex]

This has been a great discussion.

I spend many days often a couple weeks in what many of you would describe as a regressed state, a place i love. That time i am Daddy's little boy in all aspects. No big boy stuff. The hard part is at the end, when we know i have to go out in the world as a big boy. It is very difficult emotionally to cross the bridge. I cry, i don't want to go. I do it and after a few hours i make it and deal with all the big boy stuff i need too. While doing it i am still a little boy, albeit a darn smart one, i am gifted in understanding others and managing to get people to work together so am sought after by social service agencies and politicians all the time. Thats my big boy work. Im not sure if many of you will understand this, maybe you all will, anyway when i am doing that work, i still see myself as a kid, i still feel like one. I am a kid in adult world. That maybe why i manage to get people to work together, i look at problems and see solutions vs problems.

<smiles> I agree you are a smart one ;-)

It sounds like you have a great talent in managing individuals in the work world providing valuable social services. Well done.

Given the mentality you live by, I'm curious what you consider to be the hardships or difficulties in your life and whether or not those are related to your AB side? You've discussed the strengths of your AB side and how they've aided you in the pursuit of your work as well as your own development. I admire your outlook of seeing solutions instead of problems, and think it's an unusual attitude in an otherwise overly cynical sector.

I think a primary worry about sharing one's AB side (kid side) is no longer being taken seriously by competitive alpha males in the work world. Have you ever encountered this kind of problem? If so how did you deal with it?

--

There is no normal. Very few people live the with the house, 2 kids, picket fence life and all it conjures up. They all have things about them that others might describe as abnormal.

Ab's are just recently being recognised in mental health circles. There maybe a little AB in every adult out there. Some of us have alot more. I see my efforts as helping to understand us. Its one step at a time. I function well as either a lil boy or an adult. I am happy as a boy. Thats not to say im unhappy as a "big boy".

boy ricky

<smiles> I more than agree there is no definition of 'normal' save for one's own interpretation of it. When feeling defensive people claim to be normal, and not like those they are criticizing. When feeling adventerous people claim to be anything but normal and celebrate their eccentricities. It's a strange word solely defined by a relative relationship versus a concrete set of hard and fast rules by which one can objectively make judgments. Strange isn't it?

I recently purchased the AMA's only documented publication on infantilism and was more than disappointed. In it's 27 pages, it never once defines infantilism, and barely mentions it. Rather it is a list of research databases, a glossary of medical terminology, and the only mention of the word "infantilism" (save for the cover) is a few article titles which are only tangentally related to the topic. I'm somewhat sad that the topic isn't more addressed, but simultaneously overjoyed that it hasn't been encapsulated by some official definition from those outside the community...

What are your thoughts?

--Lex

[Teddy Bear Brian]

That's really cool that you were able to sum the courage to intervene into the negative talk regarding AB/DLs by telling your peers about your interest. I'm curious how it was received at the time, and how you think its changed their overall opinion about AB/DLs as well as remaining open minded to outside fringe interests?

I understand the paradoxical desire to be free of hiding the interest and simultaneous fear of it. In some ways I think its a desire that's masked with pragmatic excuses, but nevertheless is a core desire to be accepted for who you are. I think the fear stems from the fear of being rejected, ridiculed, or having your life radically altered because people know you for who you are. This is a common syndrome known as "imposter syndrome" which is based on the idea that people like and accept us for who they think we are, and we know it.... and if they ever knew us for who we -really- are they would reject us. It's a strange mindset, but an all too common one.

Thanks for your feedback, I greatly appreciate it.

Interested in hearing more from you,

--Lex

Well it was amazing really. Immediately after explaining what I felt it was to me and explaining that there are so many facets that my feelings are only one of many the tone of the conversation seemed to lighten. I think people dislike things the most when they don't understand it. It is harder to dislike something when you know more about its positive side. It is even harder to dislike it when you are confronted with someone you like or respect that is into it. As for that particular group it is even harder to judge when you have those two things AND your into a fringe culture yourself.

You mention the impostor syndrome and I can understand that. I agree that some people live in that and we all do to a point. I used to feel an impostor in this world in many ways. Though now I don't really. Yes I choose to present to the world a picture of me that is not completely me. Though I wouldn't talk about my vanilla sex life at work or church just as I wouldn't talk about my AB/DL side. In the past I was constantly seeking approval subconsciously. I would find myself agreeing with people even if I didn't really agree. I would find myself saying I liked things I wasn't actually into. I guess this was because I was picked on and rejected by my peers as a child. When I actually realized I was doing this I decided I didn't need to do it. If people don't accept me because I disagree with their opinion on even little stuff then what is the point? I found that people like you as you are more often than you think. I don't feel not sharing my AB side is hiding who I am because it is just part of who I am. It is not the whole of me or even the majority of me. When I am at work and in the adult world I am normally much more mature than my peers. I hold a strong value of responsibility for my family, friends and society in general. I also strongly believe we should all be responsible for our actions accepting the consequences and not blaming others. These are all traits that are not associated with a baby. I do not fake these things or just try to put out the image of them in my life. They are part of me. Ingrained as deep and probably deeper than my AB side.

I would totally agree the desire to share this lifestyle is based on the desire to be accepted. I have actually analyzed this in myself many times. I have wanted to share with someone and thought about it. I think everyone should. Why did I want to share with them? So I could wear around them? No, I would actually be more uncomfortable wearing if they knew about it and might be listening and looking for tell-tale signs, even if they were totally accepting. It all came down to wanting acceptance. When I realized that I looked at the situation and asked myself, "Do I really need acceptance from this person of THIS when I am accepted in other ways?". In some cases I realized no I did not, they would have no input into the experience anyway and I wouldn't be in this mode with them. In some cases it was yes. I felt I needed to share this. When I was younger I did share with people when not thinking it through. I desired acceptance so much.

I guess I have grown stronger and more confident in who I am so feel less the need to find acceptance from the outside. I think I will and we all will want some acceptance from outside but as we grow we realize the most important thing is to accept ourself.

[BabyLex]

I guess I have grown stronger and more confident in who I am so feel less the need to find acceptance from the outside. I think I will and we all will want some acceptance from outside but as we grow we realize the most important thing is to accept ourself.

<smiles> This is an interesting concept, that I think is at the core of the issue. What I'm still somewhat unsure of, is that when we come to accept and understand ourselves, make our own peace with it, come to terms with how we live our own lives and share that with others, what do we do, or how do we, help others achieve the same level of peace and serenity? I'd be curious to know what you think, esp given your involvement in the BDSM world. I imagine there are some parallels to the AB/DL world there.

--Lex

[Mean Mommy]

Man, I love BDSM. It's so hot. I'm so glad it exists. Yum yum yum. Not to be a hater, but sometimes all this baby play feels like bland porridge, BDSM is a jalapeño. I like to mix the two...okay that sounds disgusting but it's actually very tasty, yum.

Geh, what's with all this acceptance? Why do you need everyone to accept you? That's not the way the world works, and you know it. Do you think when everyone accepts you - your friends, your family, your pastor, your dead ancestors - you can finally accept yourself? Well that isn't the lesson, prissy pants. What you're meant to do is see that not everyone will like you - no matter who you are or what you're into - and find the courage to be yourself regardless. True acceptance can only come from within, so stop harassing your poor parents. Honestly, it's sick and cruel to make them think about your sex and love life. I don't want my grandma calling me up and saying "Darling, I pounded your grandpapa with a strap-on. Are you okay with that? You don't think your grandpapa's gay do you? Because we both agree that he's a strong, sensitive hetero man who justs likes a good ass ramming. Would you like to hear what I do with the santorum? It involves doilies." Likewise I won't call her up and say "Grannie, I just forced my boy into diapers and made him wear lipstick, then took photos of him crying. This doesn't make me a bad person does it? Because he shot a load and everything." Of course my Grannie would only congratulate me on my spunk raising abilities - wait, no she wouldn't, she would vomit. Because she doesn't want to know. I'm her grandchild, and she shouldn't have to think about me like that.

And that's okay. I respect my Grannie's feelings. Her feelings don't threaten my sexual identity. I have enough conviction not to seek assurance from the rest of the world. At least when it comes to being a mommy/demon bitch in bed. I am proud of who I am. I love my boy and he loves me. No one else needs to be involved (unless it's orgy night!!). When you're really secure with yourself, you will be comfortable with the fact that some people don't like you and never will. Likewise, respect the fact that you have different relationships with different people, and their unwillingness to imagine you in diapers is not rejection, it's just an unpleasant visual.

Psychoanalyzing is fun! Riding a roller-coaster is fun! Both can be accomplished in the same lifetime! Why all this hate for the amateur psychoanalysts? All it is is innocent thinking. I'm not claiming whatever prognosis I get from psychoanalysis is correct, but it has offered me clarity and lead to insight and peace. And psychoanalyzing isn't that hard. I do it all the time, for me it feels akin to chronic masturbating, except no one can tell I'm doing it. It offers another layer of complexity and beauty to the world, another aspect of existence to enjoy. Choosing a life between thought and action is ridiculous. Everyone has the capacity to do both seamlessly. Plus, Thoreau is a punk-ass bitch.

Here's one of the only principles I live by: Don't trust anything or anyone who discourages thinking.

There's no such thing as too much thinking. Okay, maybe there is, especially if you're performing heart surgery or scaling a mountain, but thinking only needs to be moderated, not obliterated. Feeling is more in tune with doing, and lends itself to further thinking. All these things work together. No aspect of our minds should be denied.

Anyway, as far as psychoanalysis goes, many of you ABs are pretty easy cases: you want to feel unconditional love and acceptance like you did during a certain stage of childhood. Of course far from every AB is that simple, but that is the gist of many adult babies. But many people deserve the introspection, hell, even simple people deserve introspection. It's spiritually and emotionally healthy to reflect. Often, our sex life is an arena for buried emotional traumas/issues to rear their ugly heads. At least it is in my case.

I felt a lot of rage and anger when it comes to intimacy and sex, hence the predilection for BDSM. It was unfair to my boy, and myself, to let me act out these destructive emotions without any afterthought. Sometimes it got kind of crazy... With some introspection, I realized that I have a lot of raw pain surrounding the matter of loving and being loved. Normally I keep people a good arm's distance away, so this isn't a problem. Only when a person gets close enough do these things begin to surface. It's funny how one can feel sexual stimulation and intense hatred at the same time. But there's this idea that we can control our sexual inclinations when we're really powerless over them. I didn't want to feel this way, but I did, and that's how I get my rocks off.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about why I act this way. I gained insight. Insight led me to acknowledging feelings and aspects of myself I normally ignore, and acknowledgment soothed the pain to a considerable degree. That is one of the great benefits of thinking/psychoanalysis.

[lynniehyde]

"Is the fact that we keep our interest a secret a causality for others to believe it's bad? If it weren't bad, why would we hide it? Why would we go to such effort to conceal and disguise ourselves if there wasn't something wrong with it? Does the secrecy do us more harm than good? I'm curious about that... In my conversations with my lover his reaction is that most of our friends wouldn't care, but they'd feel kind of strange that I'd kept is a secret for so long which would inherently cause them to wonder where the deeper problem lies. If it were an innocent enjoyment, why the secrecy?"

The big "G", Baby Lex, the big "G". Guilt. Why? Parental, peer pressure. Falsely perceived notions about public acceptance? All the things you mentioned in your post (an excellent one, by the way). Once you come to terms with the fact that this is not wrong, legally or morally, you will begin to shed that guilt that was laid upon you at an impressionable age. For some of us, I understand, the guilt serves as a turn-on (Baaad baby!). But, as you so succintly put it (paraphrasing here): Why would we want to make ourselves miserable? Subject ourselves to public scorn and criticism. Indeed. Until the general public is better informed, we will remain under their scrutiny. And judgments. Meantime, I'm with you. Just have fun with it. You owe it to yourself. Life's too short.

As for secrecy in my life, that is over and done with. Family, friends. Old high-school chums are aware of my lifestyle and have even contacted me as a result of the international publicity I have received. I have never felt more free. My mother has come around to acceptance (though not supportive) and my son found out about a year ago. I fly the AB flag high and am proud to be doing it.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

[boy ricky]

<smiles> This is an interesting concept, that I think is at the core of the issue. What I'm still somewhat unsure of, is that when we come to accept and understand ourselves, make our own peace with it, come to terms with how we live our own lives and share that with others, what do we do, or how do we, help others achieve the same level of peace and serenity? I'd be curious to know what you think, esp given your involvement in the BDSM world. I imagine there are some parallels to the AB/DL world there.

--Lex

I think our buddy here hit it on the head, the first part of being successful is liking who you are. As to sharing it with the outside world. You get to choose when and how. It is part of my life in many ways and most people don't have the whole picture. They treat and respond to me often as you might a kid. Why, because the feel that energy coming from me, they see i am happy. They don't really know why they are reacting as they do. They just think its fun. I suggest we sit on the floor rather than chairs and they do.

I was at a conference yesterday being a big boy and this very young fellow next too me said "You giggled Ricky, that was so sweet. I had not realised i had until he told me. I giggled again.

I'm not saying act like a big baby. I'm saying let the child out of the bag sometimes and others will smile more often than not , wishing they could relax enough to do just that!

[SS84onwards]

As nice as it would be for the majority of humanity to open their minds and come to accept that life isn't about being rich, loving what the media orders you to love and being socially accepted, it's not likely to happen. Wearing a nappy is pretty much harmless, it's comfort, pure and simple. To regress is harmless, and because it's harmless, those who refuse to understand automatically think it's harmful. It would take a lot to make such people realise that not everyone is like them, a mindless drone doing what they've been ordered in the name of greed.

It took me years to finally give in to wearing a nappy, back in 2003, and although I still have to resist in order to prevent the narrow minded prats where I live from finding out and making my life any worse than it already is, there are times when I give in to the simple comfort of a nappy and come very close to almost relaxing completely. If I did it 24/7 though, I would likely become bored of it and it wouldn't be so soothing anymore.

Life's hard a lot of the time, a little comfort can go a long way for people. Sadly though, for most that comfort is found in drinking heavy amounts of alcohol, doing drugs, smoking heavily and destroying their bodies because that's seen as 'normal' and socially acceptable. So many don't understand that a little regression time, even if it's just sticking on a cartoon or some silly cartoon movie and curling up to read it, can be helpful and healing.

I hate having to hide my fondness for wearing a nappy, I hate having to resist it at the times when I do strongly need the comfort, but until humanity in general learns to accept difference and individuality, then I'll likely always have to hide it.