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Author_Alex

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About Author_Alex

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  1. Yeah, Amanda or Becky or Mel would have to spend a whole day rubbing calamine lotion on him. He’d hate that! 😅
  2. My travel guides have been reviewed on that site. I don’t understand how it works, but I have noted that I have more reviews on Good Reads than on Amazon. Personally, the only times I’ve used good reads were in search of fiction recommendations, and I thought the site was lousy and not helpful in that regard. I’m surprised people would use it to find a travel guide, or bother to review it there. My books are only for sale through Amazon, and I’d expect most people who left a review to do it on the site they bought it from. I’d also appreciate more reviews left on Amazon; I’m sure they do more to help sales. My main competitor has ~200 reviews to my ~20, though I’m on track to have my best year yet. It will pay for my vacation, which will let me finish the book I’m releasing early next year, and still leave enough for some home improvement.
  3. It’s a nice night out and I wanted to go outside, so I did, in a BD diaper cover with a wet northshore underneath and a T-shirt on top. The cover has a pattern, so no claiming my recent surgery is the reason if my neighbor stumbled on to me. I live in a duplex, but it’s dark, and I never see my neighbors. I brought my shorts with me just in case. Twice this week I sunbathed on my patio with shorts and a diaper on. Shorts probably didn’t conceal the waistband all the way in back, and I did have a conversation with my neighbor while lying down, so she could have seen but not well enough to know what she was looking at (just a white waistband above my shorts). Fiest time I’ve done either of these things. I just wanted the air and the sunshine, and the breeze tonight is great. It’s my backyard, I’m wearing the same thing a Speedo covers, and I’m kinda of tired of having to choose between enjoying the weather and wearing when I want to. Not like I’m going to make a habit of wearing just a diaper cover and T-shirt during the day, but again: dark, nice breeze, cool temp, my backyard. Maybe one day I’ll get a fence and be able to wear outside anytime I want, even without a diaper cover. @DailyDi, I love these covers. Seriously. All I can say is I wish they were available in more colors, particularly neutrals. I’d make these my everyday underwear even without a fly. They make everything fit very snug. I do wish they had a higher rise in the back. Were it not for the diaper, my crack would be showing. And as a postscript, I know at least one time someone saw me wearing. I was wearing shorts, so I don’t know how she knew, but when I opened the door (she was delivering a meal), she gasped. That’s the only thing I can think that might have made her do that, but I was fully dressed. And guess what? World didn’t end.
  4. Thank you! It makes me happy to know this makes other people happy.
  5. That's rather what surprised me. We weren't making love. I didn't touch her anywhere else. She seemed quite proud of herself, too, making a point of saying not all women could do that. _________________________ Chapter 42 Dear Jamie, I’m bringing you a Christmas present. Your forever friend, Cheryl Jamie was excited and nervous and some other feeling he didn’t know the name of. ______________________________________________________________________________ “Hey, Jamie!” He smiled and stood up, putting his things away in his cubby and happily walking out of daycare hand in hand with Amanda. This was one of the favorite parts of his day. Ella has already left, and he had spent the rest of the day jogging around the perimeter of the field. “What are we doing today,” he asked. “What makes you think we’re doing something?” “Because we almost always do.” “That means I must be spoiling you. Mel’s in the car We’re going on a short hike. How does that sound?” “Like fun,” he said. They drove away from home, skirting the outer edge of the city, where Jamie still hadn’t been, and crossed a narrow river. The area on the far bank wasn’t so heavily built up as their side of the region, and land quickly gave way to bare farm fields arrayed at every conceivable angle across rolling hills lined at their crests with cypress trees. They crossed a half dozen ridge lines until they saw a forest. Amanda followed a gravel road down from the ridge and into the woods. It was a good fall day for a hike. They pulled into a small lot by a trailhead not far into the forest. Amanda and Mel got out of the car, and Amanda went to the trunk while Mel helped Jamie out of his car seat. When she closed the trunk, Jamie saw she was wearing the little-carrier pack she’d bought at J.J. Legume. “Can I walk,” Jamie asked. “Of course! This is just in case you get tired, plus it has water and your things in it. “They set off down the trail trying to stay at a cadence that worked for all three of them. Mel, the most athletic of the three, slowed down for Amanda, who slowed down for Jamie. Still, the trail was difficult for someone of Jamie’s stature, with roots and rocks he had to climb rather than step over. Amanda and Mel took to holding his hands and lifting him over the taller obstacles. “Up we go,” Amanda would say, and Mel would take his other hand and Jamie would use his momentum to go up and over whatever was in his way. The woods were as big as a redwood forest to Jamie, and the moss growing on the trees and rocks and smelling so deeply of earth in fall, that just-past-summer smell before the autumn rains when the earth in the woods was dusty and hard despite the darkness cast by the canopy overhead. Still, around the edges of puddles Jamie saw the occasional footprint left by what looked like deer. Even with their help, by the time they reached their half-way point Jamie was tired. The forest opened up on a meadow, not very large, on a flat and low part of the trail that ran along the river they had crossed, which Jamie hadn’t even known was there through the trees. The two bigs looked fresh and ready to go twice as far, but Jamie was sweating and estimated they’d walk three miles at a clip that was for him not sustainable much longer. He could run at that pace, but he couldn’t speed walk at that pace and clamber over rocks and roots for much longer. Amanda unslung the pack from her shoulders, revealing that even she two was perspiring underneath it, and withdrew a blanket from inside of it. She spread it out on the grass, and the three of them sat down. From inside the pack, Amanda next fished out some apples, still cool from the fridge, some cheese, a plate, a knife, and several water bottles. Jamie removed the nipple from his; he needed the water faster than that would have allowed. The trio ate their snack and talked about nothing in particular. They landed on the topic of career plans, of which Mel had none, and Jamie did his best as the senior member of the group to pass along his insights as the only one to have ever had a career. “Ignore that BS about how you should find what you love and try to do that for a living,” he assured her. “Why?” “Because one, you don’t want to turn your hobby into work, and because two, you don’t want to turn work into a hobby. Work is something you do first because you have to. If you like what you do, that’s just a bonus, but don’t let your hobbies and your work get so mixed up that you have no identity separate from your work. Trust me: the work will not save you or make you happy.” “Speaking from experience,” Mel asked. “Yes. ‘Do what you love’ is great advice if you’re a business owner trying to get more dedication out of his workers, but that’s all it is.” The two of them absorbed his insight and weren’t sure what to make of it. Just because it hadn’t worked out for him didn’t mean it couldn’t. It made sense on its face to try to get a job doing what you love. “Can I go look around,” he asked. “Sure, but stay where I can see you. There are wild boars in these woods.” “Are they …” He wasn’t sure how to ask and realized the best way to do so was to think it from their perspective. “Are they small or medium sized.” “Small.” So what to Jamie was normal sized, not that he’d ever seen one in person. He did know they could be mean and would attack a person until that person stopped fighting back and held still. But Jamie didn’t think much of the chances of running into one. He walked toward the river. “So how’s his therapy going, if you don’t mind me asking,” Mel said. “Pretty good I think. He’s got a long road. Just the other day he wrote a letter to his caseworker back where he’s from. Totally put him in a funk. I don’t think he can even think of that place without getting all melancholy.” “He writes to his caseworker?” “I’ve never read any of the letter, but I get the sense that they were something of an item briefly.” “Hmm. He seems happy.” “He could be in a car wreck with you and have a good time,” Amanda rejoined. “But he is less prone to bad moods, and he hasn’t had a tantrum in a while. Still … the doctor thinks all the newness in his life is just distracting him, and that’s why he seems better on the outside. At first I thought that was BS, but I think I can see what she means.” “Like what?” “He’s just … I don’t know exactly what to call it. Anxious, depressed, but also just guilt, I guess. It takes like nothing for him to feel guilty about something.” “Like what?” “Like three days ago, these two bullies at his little care got in enough trouble that their mom came from work. She took them to the quiet room and gave them each a spanking. Jamie completely lost it.” “What did it have to do with him?” “Nothing. In fact, one of those boys spent two months picking on Jamie trying to get him to fight. But he just heard spanking and crying and bolted over there trying to interfere.” “A spanking isn’t such a big deal. Though that wasn’t the time or place.” “Well, I’ll disagree with you – people shouldn’t hit littles – but to Jamie it was just awful. He got … hit,” she swallowed, “growing up, and he dealt with a lot of abused kids.” “You never told me that.” “He won’t say much about it. He’s just alludes to it sometimes. What I’d give to get my hands on them … anyway, the daycare owner and his teacher both had to jump in. He was in full on rage mode and pounding on the door to the room, and then he just started sobbing. Mom had to go pick him up early.” “Geez.” “Can’t say I blame him.” “Was it like flashbacks or something?” “Maybe, but I think he just hates it when people hurt littles or kids. Apparently, that mom is a piece of work anyway. Jamie told me the receptionist told him she goes months thinking her boys are angels and then loses her shit and then goes right back into denial. And Jamie is just a very gentle person anyway; he lost his temper with one of those littles and felt terrible about it, even though he really didn’t do anything wrong. He even asked Mom last week at the garden store not to use weed killer because it’s bad for butterflies and fish and frogs.” “So how was he when your mom picked him up the other day?” “Inconsolable for at least an hour. He thought it was partially his fault for the time he got one of those boys in trouble.” “Ughh. That’s awful.” Amanda looked thoughtfully at the blanket. “I’m glad he’s here. He’s safer with us than he would be anywhere else.” “You do take good care of him. Honestly, I love him, but I’m not sure I could handle caring for a little 24/7 even without Jamie’s needs.” “I think everybody says that until they have one. You know how I felt about it – didn’t want a little at all.” “Heh. And now look at you. You’re actually nursing him.” “Not yet. We decided to let Mom get started, see how it went, and then if it still makes sense for me to do it.” “Are you jealous?” “Well, a little. She’s not even lactating yet, though.” “Oh.” Amanda looked up and around the meadow. “Where’d he go anyway? I told him not to go where I couldn’t see him. JAMIE!” Mel looked around, too. “JAMIE!” They heard no reply and went to look for him in the direction he’d headed. “JAMIE!” “JAMIE!” No reply. They spread out a little. “JAMES PATRICK,” she shouted. “Ooh, he is gonna be in so much trouble.” They were both growing increasingly worried. “JAMIE!” Very faintly they head his voice and quick stepped toward it. “JAMIE! WHERE ARE YOU?” “DOWN HERE,” Jamie shouted. “Don’t Come all the way to the edge.” Jamie was in the river to his knees. Fortunately the water wasn’t fast. “Where?” “The river. The bank crumbled. Don’t come all the way to the edge.” Amanda and Mel stopped a few feet shy of the ledge. “Oh my god! Are you okay?!?” “Yes.” “How do we get him back up,” Mel asked. From below the ledge, Jamie answered, “One OF you lie down and take the other’s ankles, and the other one lie down and see if you can reach me.” They did as he said. When Amanda peered over the edge, she saw a wet, muddy Jamie staring up at her. “Guess you didn’t hear me call for help, huh?” “Are you okay?” “Yes.” “Here,” she reached down with both arms and was able to get her hands around Jamie’s wrists. It wasn’t comfortable, but she was able to lift him up high enough that she could get an arm around his waist and drag him over the ledge. When he was seated up there, Amanda hugged him tight and then let him go. Jamie had seen that look from her on his behalf before, but never directed at him. “I told you to stay where I could see you.” “I did!” he replied, pointing at the blanket. Amanda turned and saw there was a line of sight between the blanket and where they were. “Oh. Sorry. We didn’t see, or I guess hear.” “That’s okay.” “Let’s get you cleaned up.” “Is he alright,” Mel asked, worried still. “I think so.” They walked back to the blanket. “Here. Hold still.” She pulled the wet tee shirt off of him, followed by his wet shoes and socks and shorts and finally his diaper. “Save some water for the animals next time,” Mel joked. Jamie was naked. He’d never been naked in pubic before, obviously, and he was also wet and cold and starting to shiver. He was glad they were alone. “Sit,” Amanda said, indicating the blanket, and when he did she wrapped him up. “You sure you’re okay?” “Yeah, I think so.” “Well, good thing you’re a little,” she said. “Why?” “Because if you weren’t I probably wouldn’t have brought an entire change of clothes for you. Except your shoes. Let me see.” She pulled back the blanket and checked Jamie for bumps and bruises, feeling his arms to make sure nothing hurt when she gently squeezed. Satisfied, she opened the back pack and pulled out a change of clothes in a grocery bag. “Arms up.” She got a shirt on him. “Lay back for me.” She got out a diaper, and Jamie laid back, knowing the drill, and she cleaned him thoroughly of the river water. She applied rash cream, which she didn’t normally do when they were out, and then checked his legs just like she had his arms and chest and back. She put dry socks on him first, which always feel good, and then a pair of his athletic pants. “You’re fine.” Surprising all three of them, Mel’s voice broke when she said, “Are you sure he’s okay?” “Yeah.” Jamie got up and walked to Mel, sitting down in her lap. She was hugging him before he could hug her. “I’m fine, really,” he said. “Thank you for helping me.” “You scared me.” “I’m sorry.” “It wasn’t you’re fault, buddy,” Amanda said. They packed up, putting Jamie’s wet things into the grocery bag. “Guess you’re riding back,” Amanda said. Jamie would have asked to anyway; between his jog at daycare and his steeplechase to the meadow, he was very tired. Mel helped get Jamie situated in the carrier. It was comfortable padded while also being ventilated, and though the padding between his legs was kind of wide, he mostly found it comfortable. It hugged his butt firmly. Mel was about to give him a playful pop on the butt through the carrier and thought better of it. Still anxious over not being able to find Jamie, even if for less than two minutes, she casually said, “Maybe we should get one of those harnesses with the leads.” Jamie gave her one of the dirtiest looks he’d ever given a big. “No way, Donna, not happening.” Amanda honked, “Ha! Burn.” They started on their way back, mindful of low branches. “How is it up there,” Amanda asked. “Good. Kinda weird. I feel like I should be pedaling or something.” That got a good laugh out of Mel and Amanda both, and they all started to forget being scared. It underscored for Jamie the nature of their dynamic. He wasn’t afraid when he fell, or even when he struggled to regain his footing. He was afraid when he called out and no one heard, just as they were afraid when they called out and didn’t hear a response. Back in the car, Jamie got buckled in, and Mel decided to sit in the back with him, not because she was afraid or even because she wanted to feel close to him, but just so it would be easier for him to participate in the conversation. “Anyone hungry-hungry,” she asked. I could use more than an apple.” “TexMex” Amanda asked. “Yes, please,” Jamie answered. They drove back to town and went straight to the TexMex place in the downtown part of their little suburb. “Mom won’t be mad if we spoil our dinner, will she,” Jamie asked after they were seated. “Not if we text her and ask her what she’d like us to bring her.” “So other than going for a swim, did you have fun, Jamie?” “Yeah.” He told her about how he was still getting used to how big everything was, how he wished he saw a boar, and asked if Mel hiked a lot. “Not a lot. But it is nice to go, especially in the middle of a weekday when you have the place to yourself. That trail’s a zoo on nice weekends.” A bowl of queso arrived. “I was into hiking for a little while. It always ended in me eating too much food at a place like this.,” Jamie said. He looked at their drinks. “Is it too late to order a virgin one of those?” “Not at all.” Amanda flagged down their waitress and ordered a virgin margarita and asked them to add any little juice they had that they think would be good. In a few minutes, Jamie was sipping a cold margarita, and what it lacked in booze it made up for in the little juice they added. “Woah,” he said. Amanda dipped her finger into the glass and tasted it. “Woah. They certainly didn’t forget to spill a little in the glass. Don’t finish that.” Between the exercise, fresh air, missed nap, filling meal, and margarita, Jamie was feeling sleepy before the check came. “Looks like an early bedtime after a nice, hot bath.”
  6. Haven’t heard much from you lately. Hope everything is good. I thought about how awkward this must be, and if it were me, on either side of it, how would I want it and how would I want to do it. I’ve nursed from a partner once (she wasn’t lactating), and to my surprise, that was enough for her to climax. She had done that in the past, but the whole thing was spontaneous and she didn’t tell me if might happen. Was kinda proud of myself.
  7. Being caught by someone you know is one thing, but I don’t fret much about it. I’m confident I conceal things well. I went to my parents’ house for an early Easter brunch yesterday with my extended family. I wore shorts, tucked in my undershirt, and put a polo on over it. I can tell the difference when I look in the mirror, but I let the polo go untucked, and then you’d have to definitely know what you were looking for to tell the difference. I even brought a diaper bag (14 inch laptop case), and I told my mom what was in it: topical medications and a change of underwear (recently had nether region surgery). That made her uncomfortable, but she knows what’s going on down there. As for strangers, I neither flaunt it nor go out of my way to hide it in public. I usually tuck in my shirt but don’t always, and I usually wear a pair of abena fixing pants over them, but not always. If someone sees the waistband when I bend over or if my shirt rises up or any other eventuality, doesn’t bother me. If someone did confront me, like after I came out of a family restroom, I’d be pretty militant in telling them to mind their own business. I have no compunction about lying about a medical condition of, for instance, an airport security guard questioned why I was using the family restroom.
  8. And, boom. _____________________ Chapter 41 Part 3 Jamie was in his PJs ready for bed when Becky came in and found him sitting in his chair reading a book. He hadn’t heard the shower running, and it was too early for her to be going to bed, so only thought for a moment why she was wearing a robe before he figured it out on his own. “Uh, hi, Mom. Nice robe. Can I stay up late and read? I just got a to a really part in this book, and frankly, who can sleep when there’s stuff happening in this book about things? I’ll tell you who can’t? Me. That’s who. Speaking of me …” “It’s okay, honey. Let’s take it very slow.” She gently took the book from Jamie’s hands and set it down, then lifted him under the arms and sat down in the rocking chair. She felt him trembling and said nothing, only wrapping her arms around him as she placed him on her shoulder and rubbed his back, shushing into his ear. “Let’s just be quiet for a while.” Jamie was frightened. Of what, he wasn’t sure. This step, and what it meant for him, weren’t clear to him. Was it just food? He’d taken to the bottle well enough and looked forward to his formula. It didn’t just taste good; it also made him feel good, a sort of liquidy, loose, mellow feeling waring his belly and spreading out everywhere. It made him calm when he was anxious and sleepy when he was ready for bed. This wasn’t a product off a shelf, though. This was taking from someone he knew who was sacrificing for him, even if she did want to do it for reasons Jamie understood only in theory. That in itself was intimate enough. But this? It was too much, but he couldn’t back out, or so he thought, because he didn’t want to disappoint Mom or Manda. A tear ran down his cheek, and he sniffed. “Don’t be afraid, baby boy,” she cooed in his ear. “Everything is going to be good. I promise.” He’d stopped trembling, but only because his body had run out of adrenaline, something it had been running through too fast to keep up for the last half year. Becky shifted him to her lap, carefully sweeping his legs so he was sitting comfortably looking at her. “I’m going to start taking some supplements tomorrow to help change the hormones in my body to produce milk, and you’re going to need to help that along by suckling even before then, okay baby?” Jamie swallowed, dry mouthed, and nodded in a jerking, uncertain way. “How about I open my robe now?” He nodded again. He’d have had difficulty speaking even if he knew what to say. Becky unfolded on side of her robe, exposing a bare breast. She looked from it to Jamie, who looked from it to everywhere else in the room that wasn’t it or Becky’s eyes. “There,” she said. “See? Just a body part.” She sat patiently until Jamie looked at it for more than a split second. “Give me your hand, baby.” She took his hand more than he gave it to her, his fingers trembling again, and he let her guide it to her breast. She placed his hand on her and laid her own hand over his. It was soft and warm. She left her hand on his for what felt like ten minutes but was only one, then slowly slid their hands over to her nipple. Jaime’s breath became shallow. “Don’t be afraid,” Becky said in the voice she used to soothe him. “See? You have them, too.” She poked him gently on the chest. Jamie’s inner monologue began babbling. It’s just a breast. It’s just a breast. Your mom’s breast. That’s all. Your mom’s. Wait – why the fuck does that make it better? Because you’re 30, not 1; that should make it worse. But I’m not a 30-year-old adult. I’m a little. Little do these things. It will be worth it. Don’t think of her as your mom. Think of her as a cow. No, bad idea. Very, very bad idea. She’s your mom. She’s your mom, and moms do these things with their littles. Am I a little, really? You can be if you just shut up and go with the flow for once in your life. Ha – ‘flow.’ Good pun; bad timing. Also, that thing is huge. One swing and she’ll knock me unconscious. You should be focusing on the task at hand. Which is? Feeling up your mom. Stop that! You’re just a little, getting used to this new aspect of littleness. Not a big deal. You’ll like this. When have you not liked something they’ve introduced after you gave it a try? Diapers. But really? You really still think you dislike that? Now’s not the time to discuss that. She’s saying something. You should listen to her. Her hand is on your shoulder. This seems very relevant. Shut up already! “Huh,” Jamie asked? “I said do you want to try now?” “Try …” “Suckling.” “Oh.” “We can wait until later if you’re not ready.” “No, uh, okay.” “You’re sure?” “Uh, yes, uh huh.” She smiled and moved the hand that was on Jamie’s shoulder to around Jamie’s shoulder, and her other one moved under his hip until she was cradling him and bringing him closer and closer to her nipple. So quickly, it was right in front of Jamie’s face. He wasn’t sure who was staring at who. “Ready?” Jamie swallowed in response. She shifted her arms again until one was passively holding him up and the other was guiding his head the remaining inch his lips met her breast. The first thing he noticed was her smell was more intense, but then he had never had his nose buried in the bare skin of her chest before. The second was that it was even softer against his face than in his hand. The last was that he couldn’t see much else. Becky patiently waited, rubbing his back. Just do it, Jamie told himself. He opened his mouth, and her nipple, which seemed to him stiffer by the nanosecond, instance filled it. She tasted, well, like skin, with its hint of salt but not much else. He compared it to his pacifier, and this felt, to his surprise, more natural and more soothing. His pacifier was room temperature. She was warm. His pacifier never felt exactly the right size. She did. His tongue moved forward and probed it. It was firm and soft at the same time. Carefully, mindful of his teeth, he pressed her nipple upward between his tongue and the roof of his mouth, just like he did with is bottle, and tentatively began to rhythmically suck. IT was easier than sucking on this bottle. Behind Becky’s nipple was Becky, not a vacuum, and as he sucked her nipple remained the shape it was. It was easier than his bottle. He became more enthusiastic. On Becky’s side of their union, the sensations were different and knew and very old. The warmth and wetness of his mouth. The gentle pressure of his tongue. The tug-tug-tug of his suckling. She sighed as a warm glow descended over her. She was proud of her Jamie, both because he overcame his trepidation but also because her little was a natural at this. She absentmindedly began to zone out, her empty hand finding its way to his bottom and gently patting his diaper. She felt the chemical rush of oxytocin bathing her brain in contentment, and she liked it very much. Jamie found his mouth seemed to get tired, and after perhaps ten minutes, he pulled away, embarrassed at how much saliva was on his face and her breast. He looked up to see Becky staring down at him with a very big grin. “Does my Jamie-Wamie like that? Huh? Did you like that? Did you like that? Huh? Is you mama’s bestest boy? Yes, you are. You are mommy’s bestest boy.” Jamie’s response to her sudden baby talk and the high, almost pinched tone of her voice was to … laugh. Only after they had both had a moment did they each realize something weird and unexpected had just happened. Their mutual embarrassment gave way to a placid feeling, and Becky helped Jamie sit up before she closed her robe. “How do you feel,” she asked. “Good.” “Is that all?” “Sleepy.” “It’s your bedtime” She picked Jamie up, patted and squeezed his diaper to make sure he was clean and dry, and placed him in his crib. He situated himself the way he wanted, with his bear in his arm and his pacifier, that inferior substitute, in his mouth, and Becky pulled his blankie over him, using the corner to wipe around his mouth. “Thank you, baby.” “Thank you, Mommy.” “I’ll bring you a bottle of water. Sleep tight.” They both did.
  9. Has anyone had any luck with these not leaking? I think they look cute and would be nice over a disposable, but at least on the two models I've tried, both leaked because of where the lining was sewn all the way to the edge. Physically no way for it to not wick.
  10. By a light t shirt a size large than you normally wear and tuck it in, then put your regular shirt over it. No onesie needed. In any case, I think it'd be difficult for your dentist to get a look at your backside even if your shirt rode up/pants rode down.
  11. Chapter 41 Part 2 Dinner was pasta and squash soup. Jamie liked the salty, roasted seeds sprinkled over the velvet broth. “So did you have fun with Ella,” Becky asked. “Yeah, we just took a nap together and talked.” “In the same crib?” “Yes ... is that not okay?” “No, that’s just cute is all.” “What’s their house like?” “It’s on a big lot. Ella has a pretty cool room. She has a dog.” “Uh oh. Were you okay with that?” “Yeah, she showed how nice she is. She’s Ella’s therapy dog. Yogi.” “We can get a dog if you want.” Amanda’s fork flattered to her plate. “Seriously, Mom? I’ve wanted a dog since I was five years old. He gets to have one? He doesn’t even like them.” “Well, maybe I’m just mellowing with age, Amanda.” “Sorry,” Jamie said. He didn’t want one. “Don’t be sorry, buddy,” Amanda said. It wasn’t his fault she was still dog-less, or that he could make their mom do something she didn’t want to do much more easily than she could. “I do like,” Jamie had to remember the word from their trip to the zoo, “bruins, though. I never had one growing up.” “You mean the tiny things you played with at the zoo?” “They’re not so tiny to me.” “Well, maybe,” Becky said. “What did you think of the milk Jane left here?” Becky wasn’t very subtle sometimes. “Uh, I liked it.” “We can switch to that instead of formula.” Jamie was unsure. He was wary of what Ella had told him. “What does it do to littles?” “Well, you’ll just like it a lot.” “Is that all?” “It will probably make your diapers a little messier to clean up, but Amanda and I discussed that, and we don’t mind.” Just when life couldn’t get sillier, here they were having the weirdest conversation of many, many weird conversations. “It’s a bit of a diuretic. And mild laxative,” Amanda said. “Not uncomfortably so, though. It’s very gentle on little’s tummies.” “Which wouldn’t be a bad thing for you,” Becky added. “Most littles go a lot more than you do. I’ve been meaning to talk to the doctor about it.” “I don’t feel sick,” he said, “I always go once a day. That’s normal for humans.” He did note, though, that he was peeing much more frequently than his pre-diaper day’s, but only because he just went whenever he needed to, even if it was just a little nit. “Well, all the little books here says that’s not enough.” But all the little books here are based on bullshit ideas about how our bodies work, Jamie thought. Still, going more often didn’t seem like it mattered. He was comfortable with that part of his life for the most part because he was able to time it to when he could be changed in relative privacy. It had stopped being a big deal. As for it being addictive, there was no specific reason why something being addictive was also bad. “Now addictive is it, exactly?” “Nothing you couldn’t get past in a week if you wanted to stop.” There was silence at the table. Everyone was about done with their dinner. “So do you want to give it a try?” Jamie thought of how good it felt in the moments before he fell asleep. It didn’t just taste good; it felt good, like a shock of pleasure hormones channeled like a shot of electricity through his body. “Yes, I’d like to try it. But just try it, not, like forever, unless we all like it.” “Good,” Becky said. “Do you have a preference between the two of us?” Jamie’s eye turned to saucers. “Excuse me?” “It’s up to you.” “I don’t ...” “Mom’s saying she can do it or at can do it or both if that’s what you prefer.” “I thought we were talking about buying it,” Jamie said. He felt his toes blushing. “That gets a little expensive, and everyone says it’s not as good.” “Um ...” He’d just naturally assumed they meant buying it, or maybe even Jane supplying some. Jamie wasn’t sure he still wanted to do this, but both Amanda and his mom were smiling like they were so excited, and now Jamie also had to choose which of them would be the one to do it. He was afraid to ask if they were talking about bottling it for him or him nursing. And in choosing he was afraid he’d hurt someone’s feelings. “I don’t want to decide.” “Both of us then,” Amanda said right away. Becky laughed. Jamie was confused. “Why did you offer me a choice then?” “Because you’re so close to both of us, and we weren’t sure who you’d be most comfortable with,” Amanda said. The question of co pmfort helped Jamie to understand they weren’t talking about bottles. Jamie wasn’t sure he was comfortable with either, much less his Big sister, but she clearly wanted to, and so did Becky. He didn’t want either of them to feel left out or that he had a favorite. “Won’t hurt your dating life either,” Becky joked. Jamie caught her meaning and asked, “What happened to Miles anyway? No particular reason I’m asking.” Becky smiled at him. “We went out twice and decided we didn’t feel a spark.” Good, thought Jamie. He didn’t like Miles, not for any of the 90 seconds he’d known him. Maybe he could help find Amanda a boyfriend. Or not. “I think it’s bath time for little boys,” Becky said. “I got it, Mom. Leave the dishes, too. I’ll take care of them later.” She wanted to talk to Jamie. In the bathroom, Amanda stripped Jamie down to his diaper and giggled. “You’re wearing girl diapers,” she said. “So! I bet they’re prettier than yours were.” “I just meant they’re cute is all. Are they comfy?” “They feel like the other ones. She used cloth, too,” he added. She lifted him into the filling tub. “What were those like?” “Comfortable. They hug everything real tight, but they’re not as comfortable when here wet.” “We could try them sometimes.” “I’d rather not wash my clothes in the same washing machine as those.” “Fair point.” “Do you really want a bruin?” “Meh. Sorta, but don’t feel strongly about it.” “And you’re really okay with nursing from us?” “Well ... It’s kinda weird. No, actually really weird.” “You don’t have to.” “It’s ... that was really good. You don’t have to, either. I mean, if you don’t want to I really don’t mind. I know it’s a lot of effort.” “But we do want to. There’s a lot we get from it, too. Almost every Big with a little does it.” “Really?” “Just ... whatever makes us so attached to you guys.” “There’s only one of me and two of you.” “We usually only produce as much as you need, but if we do produce more we can always donate it or sell it. I could certainly use the money. Mostly to buy you presents but also for grad school.” “Hmm.” “You seemed a lot happier when I picked you up today. What gives?” “Nothing.” “I know that’s not true. You don’t have to tell me, but I’d like it if you would, and I think it might make you feel better. It’s about Cheryl, isn’t it?” Jamie was having a hard enough time articulating to himself exactly what was bothering him. He wasn’t sure if he was blowing the entire thing up in his head to more than it had ever been. What were they? Jamie loved her, and everything around that time had been so intense he wasn’t sure the nature of the love. Was he in love with her? He doubted it, if only because he didn’t think he’d have left if he had. And what was he to her? Was she in love with him? He felt already like he’d betrayed her, and now he was afraid he’d break her heart on top of it. “I think we grew apart.” “How so?” “I think the last time we’re together and the first time we communicated since everything was just so extreme. I’m not sure what we were to each other when I left, and I can’t ask her, and I don’t want to hurt her. It feels like a breakup and I’m not even sure if we were in a relationship.” Amanda had no ready advice to fix that conundrum, nor was she sure how she felt about his caseworker having gotten so close to him. He knew they were close, but that it bordered on romantic. “Did she say anything when she last wrote to you along those lines?” “No. I ... it’s hard to say someone is important to you and that you can’t do without them and you love them so much when they’re not really a part of your life. It takes so long to get a letter through. I dunno. I guess I feel like ... I feel like a world class prick just saying it. I feel like I’ve moved on.” “Maybe you haven’t moved on so much as grown apart.” “What if she hasn’t? It always felt like in our letters we were going out of our way to not say something.” “All I can say is don’t borrow trouble. If neither of you ever said otherwise, maybe you’re right and just how high emotions were running when you left and you’re just very close friends. Try not to worry about how she feels if you don’t even know there’s a reason to worry.” “Yeah ...” “Do you still feel like your friends?” “I’m ... I’m starting to feel like we’re friends. Like we’d be friends again if we were to together but that were too far apart.” “What do you write about to her?” He shrugged. “How I’m feeling, what I’m thinking.” “How about you hold on to the letter you wrote for now, and try writing one about what you’re doing instead. Keep it light and friendly.” “What will that do?” “Give both of you some room to see what it’s like when you’re relationship isn’t so much about sharing emotional baggage.” “I’m not ...” “I know you, James Patrick. If you’re writing about thoughts and feelings exclusively, your letters are not light and friendly, and that may make it difficult for her to be light and friendly with you.” “I’m not sure I want to tell her about these things.” “I’d be surprised if there was anything in your life right now that she didn’t know was a strong possibility when you came here.”
  12. @kerry, it strikes me that Jamie is more fragile and less resilient than when he arrived. What seems to be different is he has a support network that makes up for it, which is good for him, but there are certain things he has to figure out.
  13. Yes. I like the ritual of a thorough spanking: swatted over whatever I’m wearing on the spot, spank marched to my room, put in the corner to wait, and then getting put over her knee to spanked over my pants, then my diaper, then my bare butt.
  14. Clean up sucks. Ive tried foods before, and you idea makes me wonder what it would feel like to put something freeze dried in there and keep wetting.
  15. The first one looks old enough to be legit. The second one is, of course, new, and may just be the kind of decoration people who keep fake deer in their garden find amusing. Fare be it from me to call anyone a redneck, but I’ll say instead they have the aesthetic taste of bumpkins. Also, red mulch. Blech. The third one looks like a torture device. Every time I hear someone praise old fashioned parenting, I think of stuff like this and the prevailing belief back then that children needed to be controlled instead of taught, smacked for everything they did wrong, and that they had no rights or dignity that needed to be respected. We treat dogs better than that.