Gennie

John, Kimmy hasn't been real active any any AB/DL stuff lately. She's had a lot going on in her life right now, and told me a couple of weeks ago that she wasn't really interested, right now. I will pass this information on to her if and when I talk to her. Thank you, Gary

You're right, Werx, that it isn't a paradox, but to ME, it seems such, which is why I used that word. I know that my thinking must be flawed somehow, and I'm not sure how. For each circumference, C, if you add 100' of rope, the radius grows by 15.915'. This is what the math says. So, if I have a 100' circumference, and I add a 100' to it, the radius grows ~15.915'. I can accept that, almost. What I have a huge amount to trouble accepting is that if I have a 100 million mile circumference, by adding a mere 100' of circumference to it, I'm going to push the radius out by 15'. My mind doesn't go that way! And I don't know why it seems wrong, but it does! To ME, it's a paradox. Or, I'm just stupid. Gary

Given that the circumference of a circle is equal to 2?R. Let’s say that this is a rope in a circle around a center point, and it’s equidistant from the center point at any and all points along the circumference For this discussion, all decimal places are out to four places. The value for ? is given at 3.1417. The circumference of our circle is 10,000’. This gives us a radius of 1591.4950’ for the circumference. If we add 100’ to the circumference of our circle, the length of the rope, or 1/100th of the total length of the rope, would it be possible for a person to stand (or lay down) between the old circumference and the new circumference? Could you even put a stool for the person to sit on (average stool height being 30”)? The answer is ‘Easily!’ The 1/100th of the total circumference is also 1/100th of the radius, and the additional radius of 15.915’ takes us out to 1607.4100’. So, you could stand between the old circumference and the new one. Now, lets say our circumference was 1,000,000’! Let’s add the same amount of distance, 100 feet and see what we come up with. The radius of a circle having a million foot circumference is 159149.5050’. Whereas the 100’ of 1/100th of the 10,000’ rope, 100’ here is 1/10,000th! Will the same thing work here as before? IF you do the math, it says it will. In fact, it says that it will give you EXACTLY the same distance, 15.9150 feet. HOW is this possible? I’ve increased my circumference by a factor to 100, but yet, with the addition of the same 100’ of rope to the circumference, anywhere along the circumference, the new circumference has increased the exact same distance? Shouldn’t it, at least, be 1/100th of the distance? Can you explain this apparent paradox? Gary

DLDad, You said your wife is home with MS. Although my family is from New Jersey, my mom and two of my sisters have moved here, as well as me (other side of the Puget Sound). My baby sister developed MS while she was out here! I've heard that Washington state has the highest incidence of MS in the US. Does anyone know WHY that is, and if there are any factors that make you prone to it? Sorry to hijack the thread, Jennifer Gary

I wonder if we couldn't get some light on this subject. Gary

Sindi, You should be warned of a few things to begin with. There are huge amounts of men willing to be some sort of 'Daddy' to a baby girl. You need to be aware of what they are interested in. To be blunt, I would certainly establish from the beginning how are you wish to be sexually active with these people, if infact you are looking for a one on one meeting. While not as bad, this also applies if you plan on doing a web cam meet. Many baby girls are looking for a daddy to treat them like a baby girl, not as a woman who fantasizes about being a babygirl, and the difference is often lost on them. I would spend a great deal of time with any of these individuals, getting to know them, chatting about everything under the sun before you give them one bit of personal information. I know of several young ladies who have been hurt emotionally and mentally by a man in this regard, and it's never pretty Remember the old adage: If it looks too good to be true, it usually is. TANSTAAFL, or There's No Such Thing As A Free Lunch also comes to mind, whatever you're asking for is going to be worth what you're willing to pay for it, and payment isn't always in money. Seek out other real women who have had experiences, and ask them what they have found. When I say 'real women', many men come here, pretending to be female. There are multiple reasons for that for them, from they want to be female (like me) to they're looking to entrap others (not like me). Everything inbetween as well, and probably on both sides, too! You can not be too careful in these chats. Set your goals, desires, and boundaries, and don't let anyone get past that. Be safe, above all else. Good luck in your search for your dadda! Gary

I've told several therapists. The reason for that, of course, was I was there to see them because I was wearing! So, they needed to know. I've told my mom, and that was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. Mom and I are best friends, literally, and there isn't too much I can't tell her, but this one was hard. She's understanding, and accepting, and possibly even comprehending of why. I don't know if my step father knows, although he did find about my TG side...quite by accident. My Father and step mother knew. I suspect my father no longer has a clue, my step mother may still remember, but since I do not communicate with them, it's a moot point. My ex-doctor knew, and she was almost as hard to tell as my mom. But, when I did, at least I got a hug from her. My current doc, on my last physical, I told I was both TG and AB, and even gave him some info on AB stuff, and he didn't seem to have an issue with it. He said he had a couple of TG patients already, so no hassle there, either. I told one friend, and his wife, and I don't think that went over too well. Most people don't need to know, so I don't broach the subject. Gary

There was one tape set I bought off Ebay. I don't actually recall what the tape name was, as I threw half of it out in a purge, and was never able to find anothe copy of it. I did record both tapes onto one tape, and I've lost that, so I'm not a happy camper at all. This tape did NOT make me incon, nor did it even try to. But, it DID, and in a big way, bring back my ability to do baby talk, to suck on a baba like a baby, not an adult drinking a baba, to move like a baby, like they would lying down, and to curl my hands and stuff. During this tape, I really DID feel like a baby, and there wasn't really too much talking on it. I wish I could find another copy of this tape set. It was truly awesome. Gary

Chibi, While I don't mind you disagreeing with me, don't discount what I have to say. Every person is different. Obviously, you knew from an early age that you weren't what you were supposed to be, and apparently were in tune enough to know what you were supposed to be. Not all of us are like that. Some, maybe even the majority, have a feeling that things are not the way they are supposed to be, throughout much of their lives, but don't know what 'right' is. Later on, they may realize what it is, and then move to 'fix' it. Others, like myself, were too afraid to admit that there was something wrong with us, that we weren't what we appeared to be, and that we needed to change. As to the standards, I've been interested in SRA and TG/TS for a very long time, but I never knew why until recently. I finally admitted to myself that was what was wrong with me. BUT, up until maybe 10 or 15 years ago, it was reported that over 50% of individuals going through GRS eventually transitioned back to their birth gender, even without surgeries to restore some sembelence of original genetalia. So, in the 'bad old days', I might transition to female, and then find out that this really wasn't what I wanted, and what it wasn't what I thought it was. So, treatment standards were put into place to prevent that. Now, how many people that have transitioned end up going back? A lot less! Standards of care, and pre screening perform a useful service. I have one friend who was so sure of herself as a woman, and totally lived as a woman, when she went to see the psychiatrist for her treatments, so impressed this person, that they were ready to write her letter the first day. Not everyone is like that. However, my friend Elizabeth was certainly the exception to the rule, not the majority. As to 'crushing pain', family and friends, look at this from 'normal' America. An 18 year old young man gets his mother and father together, alone, and very shakily, scared, timid, terrified, says 'Mom, Dad. This is the hardest thing that I've ever had to say, but I think I should be a girl.' Depending on the family, you may go from astonishment, to physical violence. Let's say you tell that to a 30 something couple. The father will probably go through the roof. He'll ask his son, first off guaranteed, if he's gay! He's not going to understand his sons dilemna. His mom will probably cry, a lot. She's not going to understand. This is in a household that respects their kids. In a 'baser' home, the kid will probably get hit, or told to straighten up and act like a man! But, maybe the family will be understanding. Now, let's take this same 18 year old, fresh out of high school, getting ready for college. Maybe he's been effeminate in high school, maybe a nerd, maybe just a normal kid. Do you possibly think that, unless he's considered 'gay' by his friends, that if he tells them he wants to be female that his friends are going to understand the anguish inside of him? How many of them, in less than pure ridicule, will accept him for that? Some will, most will not, and the word will get out to others who will do more damage to him. Friends don't need to know, until he's at a point where he can openly state his intents, which is probably after he's started hormones, and near to the time of surgery. How many of YOUR friends have you told that you're in transition? And what was their reactions? I put this not to be argumentative, but to say that not everyone is the same on this road, we're all different, we're all moving in various ways towards something that we can only imagine as a shining goal. Gary

DW, I personally know of four TS's. All of them, at one time or another, and three of them presently, are also ABs. I have met and talked with several here who are also AB or DLs. I too have wondered about the connection. Gary

Each and every one of us is different, obviously from the replies in this thread, but also, each of us still enjoys something that most people would think is strange. I believe that there is a fundamental difference between DL and ABs, however. Being an AB, I don't know how a DL comes to find and start wearing diapers, but I've known that from a very early age, being 'small' again and back in diapers is what I should be. I've gone through the series of purges, and self recrimination, and feeling bad about being a 'freak', but I've finally realized that this is part and parcel of who and what I am, and that I'm not going to be able to stop it. I usually wear at night, but sometimes I wear during the day. For me, I can't not wear, although there are days when I sleep at night with no diapers on...just too tired to put them on. We need to be more accepting of ourselves, and our uniqueness, and be 'OK' with the fact that we need this, because for most of us, it isn't possible for it to go away. Gary

I read the replies here, and it's obvious that TG is something different to everyone. Although I consider myself TG, I know that the probability of me transitioning is about 1 in 1,000, or 'not bloody likely!' I too wish that I knew at 18 what TG was all about, as it might have explained a lot of things in my life, and prevented a lot of hurt. Of course, it would have brought on more hurt as well. Living in the Pacific Northwest, I find that people here are more open to TG then they would be on the east coast, but still, most people are uncomfortable with the concept of it. Kanji, I'm sorry that you've decided not to transition. I wish you the absolute best in all of your life and endeavors. Being TG is more of a frame of mind, I believe, and everyone's mind is different. If it were possible, I think that I would like to be female, I feel that I would be better suited to that than what I am now. But, since I don't have a crystal ball, I don't know, nor does anyone else. This is why the Benjamin Standards **usually** are a good thing, to make sure that you know what you're doing is right. My only suggestion to you is that you decide what you want. Eighteen is a very early age to make this kind of a decision, but it may be a good place to start. I would start the process by seeing a gender counselor, and see if you are really TG, or if there is something else involved. Eventually, if you love your family, you're going to have to tell them. Be ready for the crushing pain of that, because there usually is some involved. However, parents who care about their children usually come to accept their problems, and help them solve them. I hope yours are such. What I don't recommend you do is tell your friends. They don't need to know, and unless you can absolutely trust them not to hurt you, then you're opening yourself up for a lot of pain and anguish. They are still finding out who they are, and will have difficulties dealing with you as someone other than who they think you are. Find information, work the program, and move forward. That's the best advice I can give you. Gary

I just went and saw it the other night. I enjoyed it, for what it was. It was a lot darker then the first one, and I didn't like the 'Matrix twist' to it. Other than that, I guess I'll have to wait until they release POTC 3 to see what happens. Gary

Lil Princess??????? Hmmmmm, I think I prefer Baby^^&&$@ better!!!! Lol Gary

It's got to be cheaper than electrolysis, at least to start. And, since I haven't started hormones yet, but want that 'smooth' look, I actually might look into this. Gary

It's funny, because so many men are looking for that person who would accept them as a baby. But, finding a person who is a baby must be only one part of the total relationship, or it is bound for failure. I want to find a woman who is willing to accept my baby side, my female side, and every other aspect of me. There is someone near me, but I've sent her several e-mails, and even a message through her MySpace, and I never hear anything back. It's like I don't exist to her. Oh well. Anyway, I hope that you find the person that you're looking for, and that he is the best person for all aspects of your life, and you are the best for him. Good Luck! Gary

Missy, nice of your therapist to understand that you need blankie and paci, or at least could. Maybe you ought to take your baba, too! Since so many therapists don't understand what this is about, sitting down with them and explaining it to them helps not only you, but, as you said, may help others as well. However, there does need to be a line drawn, as there is a very serious possibility of your therapist allowing you to move beyond the 'controlled' stage, where your AB side is in its place, to a state where the AB side is more prevelant, and more open. Whether or not that would happen is a case by case deal, but it is possible to use transference to your therapist for more than they can handle, and leaving you with permissions you shouldn't have. Hence, another good reason to share with your therapist (not necessarily *you*, Missy, but anyone) Gary

Well, since we can add old shows, ones that aren't on anymore, I'll have to go like this. No particular order Star Trek TNG Blackadder (all of them) Nova Modern Marvels Mail Call most everything on the Military Channel Fairly Odd Parents ...and that's really about it. There are other individual shows on Discovery Channel, the History Channel, the Science channel that I enjoy, but not every show all the time. That even applies to Nova to some extent. Gary

I didn't add it in this reply, but this is something for RMS, Dandan and others who are having problems explaining this to parents or spouses, or Significant Others. When Kimmy went to see her p-shrink, I suggested that she print out and take a copy of Kathi Stringers article on True Infantilism. You can read it here. This is one of the best explainations I've ever seen of this, and may, to an open mind, show that our diapers aren't necessarily a fetish, a paraphilia, and definately not pedophilia. Now, that is not to say that some people who wear diapers are 'True Infantilists', and for them, it *is* a fetish, a paraphilia, and some of them *are* pedophiles (and need to be shot). But, basically let's define the three: Fetish: Something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification. If you need your diaper to be part of your sexual play and intercourse, either for self fulfillment, or with your partner, and can't acheive fulfillment without it, it may be considered a 'fetish.' Other fetishes would be shoes, lingerie (on you, not your partner...if you're a male) and so on. Paraphilia: Paraphilias are a variety of complex psychiatric disorders which are manifest as deviant sexual behaviour. For example, in men the most common forms are pedophilia (sexual behaviour toward children) and exhibitionism (exposing one's body in public setting). Men with paraphilia are usually treated with psychotherapy, antidepression medications, and medications that alter hormones, particularly testosterone (male sex hormone). In a general sense, diapers as a fetish could be considered a paraphilia. Pedophiles also fall into the category of paraphilia. By some definitions, so does B&D and S&M. So, if your partner doesn't like diapers, but occassionally enjoys a spanking, they too could be considered a paraphiliac. For a 'True Infantilism', if this is indeed a neuro-developmental disorder, neither fetish or paraphilia apply, as we learned this, or 'latched on to it' at a very early age. From my own personal experience, I know that I wanted to be a baby again from the time I was four or five, and sought out ways to secretively acheive that goal (although of course I never did). I can't believe that a four or five year old has either a paraphilia or a fetish! However, they could easily be attached to a transitional object that binds them to a safer, more secure time in their lives. A 'True Infantilist' is unable to cut the ties to that earlier time, and anyone who attempts to do such will only face frustration, stress, depression, and other mental issues. I believe that is why so many of us purge and swear off diapers as 'abnormal', 'sick and perverted,' and 'mentally ill.' And all that go through this usually come back, and once they return to being diapered, their mental wellbeing responds and rebounds. It frustrates us, because we often do not want to be this way, but at the same time, savor the feeling of being this way. It is a diachotomy that is hard for us, because we are caught between two very strong forces, and often we feel like we're being pulled apart inside. Maybe in fact we are. Our therapists and p-shrinks best line of dealing with this is to identify which of the three categories we fall into, and then treat accordingly. Personally, I do not believe that any of these are 'treatable', unless you're talking a serious paraphilia, which may be controlled by strong medication. However, I do not recommend this for simple diapers. In the case of True Infantilism, there is no treatment available, and the care provider needs to steer in a direction towards balance. When we become balanced, between our adult responsibilities, our responsibilities towards our partners and our children, and our own needs and desires, and keep all three in equilibrium, then we will be happy. Dill, I do have a question for you, though. In referring to your current therapist, and his/her interest, you said I don't understand that statement. If understanding is a part of helping you to balance the sides of your life, what would stop them from asking? To me, your statement says that this therapist is not allowed, by his or her profession, to learn something new. Could you expand on that? I would love to understand your statement. Gary

I am an electronics technician working for a small company in the Pacific Northwet. After graduation from HS, I served in the Air Force for about 19 months, before being discharged. I went from job to job to job, doing lots of things, but never for very long. In 1995, I ended up working for a telecommunications repair company on the east coast, until I was laid off in 2004. I relocated to the west coast, and finally was able to get my current job. I am looking for a way to figure out how to lowe the odds of winning the lottery!!!! Gary

Pipsqueak, Forms like that are often called 'Treatment Plans' and are used to set goals and define progress made. However, I've never seen on filled out on the first visit. It may give the doctor something to go on, though. I'm fortunate to know Kimmy a little better, as I spend lots of time online chatting with her, and I know what some of her history is, and what some of her problems are. Quite honestly, I'm glad she has the ability to go see the therapist. While her husband does not think her AB side is involved in her depression, from my point of view, I think it's a critical component of her depression. Why that is, I can't talk about, but from where I sit, that's how I see it. I had three therapists, and a couple of shrinks. My first therapist tried the 'cure' routine, to get me to stop, and of course, she couldn't. Out of frustration (imagine a donkey here) I left because she wanted me to go somewhere I was unable to go. My second therapist took my AB side in stride, and we worked on other aspects of my issues. He was aware of it, and we talked about it regularly, but it wasn't the main crux of our conversations. My third and final therapist and I spent a great deal of time with it, and she saw more of my AB side than anyone else ever did. However, I was most comfortable with her, and even though we're 3,000 miles apart now, we still communicate once in a while. I consider her a friend. What Kimmy told me about this psychiatrist (not a therapist) leads me to believe that she may need to seek out another therapist, but she is going to give this person another shot at it. This is fine, but from what she told me, he is not respectful of certain aspects. I find his comments about her incontinence to be awkward and uncaring. How do you build a rapport with someone if you're going to upset them. From what she told me, he didn't set a very good foundation for that. Medical professionals, as a whole, are mostly uneducated in things like infantilism, and many still believe that it is some sort of perversion, or having to do with pedeophilia. There isn't enough information for these individuals to know what we are about, and I'm afraid that this psych is going to try to 'cure' Kimmy, which as most of us know, is impossible. So, I hope either he is more considerate of her, or she finds someone else who can be. Gary

Jennifer, If I may try to answer your comment about not understanding why non-incontinent people like diapers. I'm getting pretty good at this, since I'm still trying to explain it to my mom. She still insists that God can fix me! I'm not sure I'm 'broke.' Let me tell you a little about myself first, to give you a clue as to what I am. I am a 48 year old male, abused emotionally and mentally as a child, as well as physically, and some sexual abuse, but not from within my family. I am very intelligent (borderline genius, if you believe the IQ tests), but I'm not all that smart, I guess. Intelligent, but quite often dumb. LOL As far as those who voluntarily wear, I believe there is fetish, paraphilia, and True Infantilism. Fetish and paraphilia often fall into the sexual category, either as a sexual deviance (defined by others, not me) or a sexual 'aid.' This applies to both DLs and ABs. On the other hand, True Infantilism starts at a very young age, and is with a person their whole life. From people I've talked to, and my own experience, I believe that there is probably an overlap, as nothing is ever cut and dry. I consider myself to be a 'True Infantilist.' I really *do* want to be a baby again, but I also realize that it is impossible for me to be such. I have also said that I would like to be 24/7, but realize that is also not attainable, and even if it was, it's not something I really want. That statement is contradictory, but then how many times has a child made the same type of statement. True Infantilism is often related to a transitional object. A Transitional Object is something that helps you get from one stage of life to another, and while we may not recognize them as such, they help connect one part of our life with another. One of the most famous Transitional Objects is the 'Red Sports Car' at about age 40-50 for men. It allows us men to connect with our 'younger selves' and lets us move gracefully (if somewhat quickly, with numerous speeding tickets) into our 'mature' years. Moving from, say toddler to preschooler, and out of diapers and being dependent on Mommy, is even more stressful, because we don't have the ability to put our fears and misgivings into a rational thought pattern. Our babyhood may indeed be a transitional object in and off itself, as well as our diapers. As we are potty trained, and given rewards, and nurtured along, we come to realize that growing up isn't quite as bad as we thought it was, and we leave behind, willingly, those things that comforted us. That's a normal development. In an abnormal development, which may be induced by abuse, we crave the safety, security and comfort of a time when we were not abused, and we were allowed to be what we were (a child, or a baby). As we are forced into the future, he have no safe haven, no understanding that everything will be okay. We only see more of where we are, more of the fears that surround and inundate us, and we strive to return to a place of safety. These people, instead of leaving the transitional object behind, cling all the more tightly to it, as it is a safety line, so to speak. These people may grow up to be functional, even successful individuals, but they still have that safety line attached to them, all the way back to the nursery. And, the more stressful the situation, the stronger the attachment to that lifeline becomes, and the harder (for most of us, near impossibility) it is for us to part with it. In fact, it is my belief that it becomes an engrained brain engram, a neural pathway that is impossible to re-route. I remember the happiest times of my life, playing 'baby' as a child. My most vivid memories were of those times. My first memory was of putting batteries in my underwear to pretend I had messed myself. I have fond memories of playing in a high chair when I was seven or eight, in front of my friends, and not understanding why they laughed at me. I wasn't hurt, I was sharing who and what I was, but they didn't understand, and I didn't understand (until later) the ridicule. In addition to being a True Infantilist, I also consider myself to be transgendered. I wish to be a woman, a little girl, actually. I believe that this may also be related to abuse, but may also be a neuro-psychological developmental issue as well. For those of us who wear voluntarily, for 'pleasure', some of it *is* for a sensual feeling. Diapers *are* sensual, especially to a man with his exposed penis wet and warm. It is very erotic, or at least *can* be. My diapers can be sensual without being erotic. DLs and some ABs derive pleasure from the eroticism of being in diapers, or being babied. Others, like me, derive a sense of safety and security, something we haven't had in a long time. For additional reading, let me suggest Kathi Stringer's site: http://www.toddlertime.com/dx/regression/index.htm I hope this sheds a little light for you. Gary

Personally, I won't lecture, but if I did know a way to make you 24/7, that didn't involve 'natural' methods, I wouldn't tell you. Having said that, two girls I knew, one of them became incontinent. Here's how she did it. First, she was not allowed to use the toilet whatsoever, for anything. Secondly, the other woman was her mistress, and she wanted to have the first girl totally under her control, which was the first girl (woman's) desire anyway. Every morning, at breakfast, she had 64 ounces of water, whether she wanted it or not. She had 32 ounces at lunch, 32 ounces at dinner, and 64 again before she went to bed. She messed in her diaper in the morning, and became 'regular' at it, so she messed every morning. All of this became 'routine' and after two years, she was indeed totally incontinent, unable to control her wetting. Combined with some of the hypno files available, this is the safest and sanest approach to involuntary wetting. However, becoming incontinent, as those who are will tell you, is truly a drag. If you're wearing 24/7 now, and not using the toilet, then all you really need to do is accept that is the way you are and be happy. Gary

Kimmy, If you're hiding wet and messy diapers in your clothes hamper, NO ONE is going to be going in your bathroom! It doesn't matter if they're cloth or disposable. Gary

Johnnee, At first, when I started reading this thread, I went 'Well, duh, he asked for a proceedure he should have thought through. Who in their right mind would want to change their bodies, even temporarily, to 'injure' themselves.' However, I have to admit that I fantasize about being in some accident, or something where I would have a medical reason to wear diapers, and it is no different than what you are doing...except I haven't gotten there yet. So, I guess that makes my a hypocrit, but at least I'll admit it. Having said that, while I still can't help my own feelings and desires, the more I read your thread, the more I realize how lucky I am that I can pick and choose when to wear and wet. You've got more balls then I do, even if they are wetter than mine at any given time. I do hope that you actually do write your Masters Thesis on this, as your doc may ask you for a copy of it anyway, and it would be embarassing to say 'Well, I changed my mind...but spent 5 months in diapers anyways.' Beyond that, I think it will be interesting to read what someone thinks about having to be in a diaper all the time. I also hope that this is a warning for those people who are thinking of doing something to make them 24/7, and serves as an example of what it really is like to have to be diapered all the time. Gary