I think my first couple of years were happy ones, but I lost my mom to cancer (Hodgkin's and melanoma) when I was three. She was ill for the year prior to that, and my sister and I were farmed out to different relatives until after she died. Her parents told me that I had killed her. They were quite bitter, since they had never really approved of her marrying my father. This devastated me, as being only 3 years old, I believed them.
My father remarried a year later, had a few good years with my stepmom. They divorced a few years later, and for a little while we would go visit her...then she decided that it was "too painful for her to see us, as we weren't truly hers". Have never seen her again.
My father would beat us with the belt or even a fishing pole rod when we misbehaved, so I quickly learned to be a "good girl". Even so, nothing I ever did was good enough...his favorite saying was, "you half-assed that!" When I began developing, around age 11...he started his sexual innuendos. His best friend tried to have sex with me that year, but was unable to due to size constraints.
I was raped by my boyfriend just before my 13th birthday. He told me that I deserved it, since I was such a "tease".
When I was 17, my father told me that he couldn't stand to look at me since I resemble my mom so much.
During my adult life, I have never been physically abused, but have been psychologically/emotionally abused in many of my relationships. Cheated on, told that I wasn't "pretty enough", told that I had no worth.
I didn't find my love for diapers until much later in life, just this year at age 41. I dove right in. Diapers represent comfort to me, when I am stressed out or down, putting one on will put me in an instant calm state. I'm thinking it may represent those first years with my mom, though I have no memory of her.