Markley

man, if wearing can make it harder to have children, the wife would probably be even more ok with me wearing.... But I doubt it. lol

nevermind

I have accepted the fact that I am not normal. I am a DL, and only a DL. Other than wearing diapers at home for comfort and relaxing, I still use the toilet, and I can function the whole day without feeling the need to wear when I'm out and about. I figure for the most part so isn't alot of others out there, but I'm always under the impression that alot of people that seem to share the same label want to do everything in their power to wear 24/7, and find it a constant battle to choose between diapers and other parts of their lives that should be more important. I read about relationships being ruined because daipers are in control. I read about wearing in public hoping everyone can see their diaper. I hope nobody is offended, but reading all this, and knowing what alot of hardcore DLs do, it actually embarrasses me to be a DL. Being open towards anyone at this point will never happen, because of the stereotype behind something so taboo. We all have read and heard the same thing. Even if I do just wear like I do, I will always be associated with sucking my thumb, wetting and soiling myself, and acting like a baby. Most of the population will almost always get the wrong idea, wont be as accepting as they say, and mistaken us for being mentally challenged. For those who actually do all that stuff, I mean no disrespect. If you enjoy doing these things, more power to you. Thats just not for me, nor do I want to be a part of it. I have enough going against me as it is. If I decided that everyone needs to know that I enjoy wearing daipers, I'm going to be digging a hole I cant get out of. Not to mention the reputation I have made will be destroyed.

I was 3 years dating my girlfriend before I told her. I was always to scared of losing her, because I loved her so much. Everytime the thought of telling her came up, I just started feeling sick. She's a very... umm... normal person. She's not into anything taboo or freaky, so my first thought was, she'd dump me the momment I said something to her about it. Wasn't until we moved in together, that the desire would start to weigh in heavy. We were in town doing some shopping, and we go to the shampoos and all stuff. I was messing around with her and pointed to the Depends, think we should pick up some of them? She obviously said, "No, dont be dumb." I just kinda jokingly said, "I cant help it's a fetish of mine." She just quickly said, that it was weird, and pretty much went silent after that. When we got home, I worked up the nerve to explain myself. At first she was not ok with it. she just got silent, and didn't say anything. Well, I wasnt aware of it at the time, but through the rest of that month, she started having regrets of our relationship as a result. She just didnt want to see the guy she was in love with wearing diapers. She started going online asking questions in other forums about what she would do. obviously, that was a big mistake. She was either made out to be the bad guy for not being able to accept that her boyfriend liked to wear diapers... lol... ... or I was the scum of the Earth. I guess wanting to wear diapers to help me sleep, relax, and ease my mind, and nothing more, was the same as acting like a baby, wanting her to be my "mommy." Somehow I was made out to being a sick perverted pedophile that needed to seek mental help. The owner of that site made a big article about my girlfriend's problem, and titled it something like "My Boyfriend wants to be Pampered." In the article this woman was just trying to make it out as if she was on a serious case, and had to crack it. I was apparently shitting and pissing myself. I was mentally unfit for human contact. And my girlfriend was just as messed up for wanting to love me but didn't know what to do. When my girlfriend finally spoke to me about how she felt, and showed me the sites she was trying to get help from, I was shocked at what I was hearing. I actually felt bad for her for putting her through all this, and was sick of myself for even having this part of me. Well, after we had talked about it, she actually got a better understanding of my desire, and never took any of those negitive comments to heart. Later that day, she let me buy my first bag of diapers, but at first she didnt want to see it, hear it, didnt want to talk about it. act as if it was never there. Well, two years later, we are having the best relationship. We're going to eventually get married, and the Diapers are just another pair of underwear. She still wants nothing to do with it, but she doesnt care at all that I wear diapers, unless We're about to go somewhere and I'm still wearing. She'll just tell me that I should take if off. Other than that, she really just doesnt care. We've even had sex once while I was wearing one, but afterwards, she just simply said that she didnt want to do that again. I was in cloud 9, but I respect her words. Sure, I wish she actually did more related to diapers, but I'm just considering myself lucky she lets me wear as often as I do.

heh, I wish my ol' lady would try one out, but she wont. Even if Hell did freeze over, and she tried one, I doubt she would like it. She hates just having to wear a pad every now and then, because even they're to thick. It would be nice if she did like it though. Would make things pretty interesting.

lol, I just buy one case at a time. The way both sites have it setup, the smallest pack of Bambinos and the Postal Service would cost me alil over 50 bucks. The smallest pack of Abri-Form X-Plus with the Postal Service fee only costs me about 35 bucks. As far as cost per Diapers go, I see your point, but I dont like spending so much money on a little hobby of mine. If I used my diapers for more than relaxing and sleep, I could see myself spending the money. For what I use them for, one pack of 14 diapers can last a whole month or more, depending on how many days I go with wearing.

I must say, the X-pluses are really nice. I've been using them for awhile now, mostly because they are the cheapest and most comfortable that I can find online. The thickness has always been enjoyable for me. My last pack I just got a few days ago, I too noticed a difference in the blue markings. I also noticed that the tapes are smoother. After wearing them, I've also noticed that they seem to be alil softer too. I believe there was an improvement.

Shame is something I dont know I'll ever comepletely grow out of. Granted, I'm just a DL, and "soiling" myself isn't something I enjoy doing. I think the problem I'm dealing with, is how I was raised. Both of my parents (who are still together) were always very proud people, and very materialistic. Anything out of place, or not up to par, was not to be expected. Going through school, I made things a battle for them. I never gave a hoot about school, so grades were poor. I was always against any kind of sports as a child, and was actually very emotional. My Dad hated this. Failing a grade, and having to take summer school to graduate High School, they didnt see much hope in my future. So Shame has always been with me for everything. I had to be tough, manly, hardcore, and smart.... but I was always afraid to defend myself. I've always been weak and feeble. My lack of caring about my education resulted lack of confidence. If I got to upset about something, my emotions got the best of me... ...and I wanted to wear diapers... I felt I was failing the people who I believed to be more important to me than anyone else... My parents. I always seen Diapers as my deepest and darkest failure in my life, so I always kept it to myself, making sure no one would ever know, so at least they never found out about that.. I think. After highschool, I have kept down steady jobs, never been fired, worked and fought for everything I have, and made my parents very proud. My relationship with them is that of a very strong and close friendship.I would do anything for them. I have made it a goal of mine to become more of a man. I have changed everything about me. I went from dressing like a dork, to looking like some member of a heavy metal band. (I get this all the time from people, so this is the only thing I can come up with.) I went from quiet and emotional to not being afraid to be heard, and stand my ground. as a result, I have become even closer to my parents. I have a wonderful relationship with the girl that I wish to be with for the rest of my life. I have gained respect from all my co-workers, and gained some great friends. And, I have fought harder than anyone in my family to earn everything I have, making me a tough and proud man. But when I come home, I find myself wearing diapers to ease my mind, relax, and sleep. I hate it that for me to chill out, I have to wear a diaper. The rest of my time, is spent wondering who I really am, and wanting to be something even more. Because of my shame of wanting to wear diapers, it seems that I try to make up for it by becoming something greater... I have thought countless times about seeking help from a shrink or something, just to see if there is something wrong with me, and see what I need to do to find a happy medium, where I can constantly enjoy myself without continuing to shape myself into what I want to be. My shame in wearing diapers hasn't been as great as it has been, though. My girlfriend seems to be very understanding about my reasons for wearing, and the diapers stay at home. Nobody else needs to know, so I am more comfortable with my desire/fetish, but I'll always carry what shame I do have as long as I'm trying to improve myself. I believe most of my overall shame is over everything else I have been working to get rid of.... I dont know.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, as well. It does sound like you could have had a "foot in mouth" moment though. Usually, I'd be all for telling you to keep the relationship together, but one thing kept me from saying that. If she's hellbent on "changing" who you are like your some untamed animal, I would have told the bitch to change some other guy. It's usually bad news when you've got a girl whose trying to make you who she's always wanted. As for her not being into the Diapers. I know exactly what you mean. My relationship is nearly the same as yours complete with the arguements about the apartment.Only thing is, she never uses the diapers as ammo, and shes not trying to control me.

Thanks. I used to wear nearly everynight, and during the first part of the day after waking up. Usually I'd wear until I had to leave the house. Then it just turned to wearing at night, to help me sleep... She knows that I enjoy sleeping with a daiper, but I dont think I've told her that I feel more like snuggling with her with one on. That being said, she enjoys snuggling, but the diaper would get in the way and she doesnt want to touch it... Shes never wanted to touch my diaper. If she was to run her hand down my back, it would stop cold before getting to close to the diaper. Now it's like a diaper a week. Infact, tonight will probably be the first night in about 5 or 6 days that I've worn one, so yeah, I've been cutting back alot from how it used to be. As for buying more to take it easy? Well, I would do that, but I know what will happen. Knowing the diapers are there I'm going to want to wear them often. It hasnt been so bad as of lately with the Depends about gone, though. I think it's mostly because they obviously dont compare to the Abri-Forms. Those diapers spoiled me. Now as far as buying more, I really dont know if I want to do this. I got myself into a bit of a jam a few weeks ago, and found myself in the hole at the bank. I was under roughly 14 bucks before my next paycheck. Since then, its been a hard process recovering from this. Going to the store to buy Depends wouldnt be so bad, cause they're like 13 bucks a pack here. If I went the online route, The Abri-Forms are my cheapest route spending 3 times as much for nearly half the diapers. (I really dont want to spend my money on Depends again. They... just dont cut it. I know she hasnt drawn the line told me to get rid of em, but I can just tell. You dont need things said to know when your doing something that your SO doesn't like. I wish I was one of the few that lives "happily ever after" in this surreal lifestyle where your interests are shared, but I just have to deal with it. She thought that she could deal with it, and realised that she just cant like I would wish she would. Cold turkey may be the only way for me. You never know. We may eventually have this talk, and we may be able to work things out, but it's highly unlikely. She's great to be around, but when it comes to things out of the ordinary, she wants no part of it... I'm borderline enough without the diapers.

Wow... I wish things were like that after I told my ol' lady... After a year and a half, she still acts indifferent about it. Since day one, she has given me the "I dont want to know" treatment, and anytime it is brought up in conversation, she's not scared to tell me that it's still very weird, and that I have a problem. Recently, I've been seeing little things here and there that has given me the impression, things arent quite working out between our relationship and diapers, so I have been slowly doing away with feeding my desire. I used to wear Abri-forms, and had a backup bag of Depends Max for the longest time, but since I used up my last bag of Abri-forms, I've been using up the Depends. I've got 3 more and when I eventaully use them up, I have to lock my desire up again. I havent told her I'm quitting, because the last time I did this, she said that I'm not going to be able to just quit. We both know the desire doesnt go away. Well, I dont want her tell me this, encouraging me to continue, if she doesn't like it. I cant continue doing this if she cant act as accepting as she says. Thats like telling a child that your going to give it candy everyday, and then conplain about it when you do. You can understand the signal that child is getting.

I agree with this statement completely. I've been going to church for quite some time myself. First was Baptist, but I didn't argee with the way things ran. Started going the route of Penticostal. I have to say Penticostals are probably the must forgiven and accepting out of all the churches I have ever seen. They even welcome homosexuals into their churches. They believe everyone should be treated equal regardless of how they live, and they dont seperate themselves with the rest of the world, and seem themselves as better. It's not religion you should blame at all. It's the general public, and yourselves. The General Public sees someone wearing diapers for fun as completely weird, and it's unwelcomed to many, because its so different. Not because God tells them it's wrong. For those who go out of their way to look and act like a baby because they want everyone to notice and accept your ABism, your head is in the wrong place if you think people are going to accept grown adults acting like a baby. Most people relate that behavior, and wanting to wear diapers, with mental issues. My own girlfriend still thinks I have a mental problem because I enjoy wearing diapers, but she doesn't want me to stop wearing them for her, because she even knows that the desire doesn't just go away. In a way, It is a mental problem. We're just to deep in denial to believe it, because we enjoy it so much. that being said, I'm going to change into an Abri-Form X-plus......

lol... I never heard that about the diapers, thank God, but I have heard her say many times "you love your classic car more than you do me."

Why should he dump her for finding it hard to understand such a desire? She may not have ever heard of an adult who loves wearing diapers, and if she has never been introduced to such a thing, of course it's going to be hard to not "bury her head in the sand." It's something she doesn't completely understand, but it looks like shes doing something about it. Though she doesn't like that he wears, she continues to love him for who he is. Sounds like shes doing the best that she can to make him happy, and it's obvious that the thought of him wearing diapers hasnt chased her away. You dont need a stranger to tell you what to do, and what caused your desire to wear diapers... Thats alot of good money gone to waste. Instead, use that money to take her out to the restaurant of her choice, and maybe a movie, go for a nice drive, or whatever. Just let her know just how important you think she is to you. Act like the Diapered part of your life is just that. a part of your life. She will let you know when she's ready to talk.... If shes still not completely happy with your desire of diapers, then you must make your move. Her or the Diapers.... What can you live more without.

lol, my daily car doesn't have a trunk. its actually a small bed... yes I said its a car. My other car's trunk just has a 12 gallon fuel tank mounted in it and an Interstate Battery.

I think it just depends on the situation, and whose telling who. In my case, telling my ol' lady was hard enough. Anyone else important to me and my life would have disowned me, tried to seek help for me, and/or make me feel even lesser of a man. Sometimes not "coming out" is better for loved ones. However, I do kinda wonder if my parents ever found out. The last year I lived under the same roof with them, I had bought a few packs of Depends, and had them stashed in my dresser under my work cloths. Thought that would be the best place for them considering theres nothing to look through in there. Well, since I moved out, I occasionally find myself in awkward situautions where my mom would say something diaper related. Most times we'd be talking about some random things, and if something is said that may relate to diapers, she would joke about, "It would be convenient to wear diapers." I kinda act like I ignored it and move on thinking ,"WTF?!" If she does know, I would hope she doesn't think I use them to relieve myself... It would be bad enough for her to know I only wear them for comfort, relaxation, and security. I think it's just part of a very guilty mind. I always find myself feeling awkward when I hear someone talking about diapers in any way. I even feel alittle awkward talking to my GF about it, because it's kind of a "out of sight, out of mind" thing for her. So even though I'm allowed to wear them, I still feel alone with this subject.

I think my eyes would have just blown if I walked in on that.... either that or turned around and walked right back out, and head my way down to the nearest bar.

The possibilities of finding a partner who will enjoy the same fetish as yours is quite low. Esspecially when it comes to diapers. Finding someone who is OK with you wearing diapers, or acting like a Baby may not want to join you on that subject, let alone find it sexually appealing. The girl I'm with is a rare one. She's about as normal minded as you can get, and when it comes to fetishes or strange querks, she has none. well, she only has one strange oddity. When she was younger she used to have nose bleeds all the time, so her mom gave her a clothe diaper to use to keep between her head and the pillow to keep from staining the pillow covers. As a result, she still cant sleep without a cloth diaper next to her face. other than that, shes not into anything different. So when I opened up to her that I was a DL, she was confused and automatically thought the obvious. There was something wrong with me or I was this or that. Almost destroyed our relationship after dating for 3 and half years, and just started living together. Granted I made the mistake of waiting for so long before saying anything, but because of the type of personality she had, and her worldly views, not to mention the way she was raised, I was scared to death to say anything related to such a thing. Before I finally told her of being a DL, she had never heard of such a thing, so she did alil looking, and made the mistake of asking about it in another forum that was non-AB/DL... Kind of a Lifestyle Q&A forum. Well, the responses she got from that site made me out to be a pedo, mentally unfit, etc.... but luckly, she overlooked their comments, and decided to ask me a few questions. The day she opened up and started asking me questions to get to know my side of the story went pretty good. Later on that day, she allowed me to buy my first pack of diapers. At first she had a few ground rules. She didnt want to see it, didnt want to hear it, didnt want me talking about it, and most importantly, if I was to wear a diaper I better wear pants over top of them. Pretty much, hid it from her as if I never had em. Then she started letting me sleep with one on while I was in bed with her. Now after a year and a half, I can wear them all day long every day, as long as I keep em at home, and I'm not exposing them, Im assuming anyways. I dont piss in them very often, and never around her. I cant stand to wear them with nothing on over top of em, and I'll never be able to work up the willpower to want to wear them in public. As far as her joining in on my DL side? not happening. She wants to keep it to just a thing of mine, only. I'm lucky enough that she has gone this far in supporting my DL side.

I dream about two different things, mustly. I'm either dreaming of driving my project car, or the dream is diaper related. My ol' lady has been ok with me wearing diapers for nearly a year now, but she still isn't into it. She understands that it's my little thing, but wishes not to join in. Well, my diaper related dreams always seem to have her in them in some way or another. The last dream I had, she wakes me up (in my dream, mind you) as she was getting in bed with me to sleep, and I go to pat her butt. To my surprise she was wearing no pants, just a shirt and diaper. In my dream I was pretty excited, and partly turned on. When I woke up, she was wearing pj pants and underwear, and I was somewhat upset... I never tell her about my dreams, because she will never be cought dead in a diaper, and gets kinda disturbed when I talk about diapers in general. Even after a year, as long as she doesnt totally see it, other than what is exposed when the pants doesnt completely cover it, or I dont talk about it, shes fine. Just wants to act like it's just another form of underwear, and nothing more.... so the only dreams I tell her is about cars.... lol. she thinks theres something wrong with me that thats all I dream about. She did surprise me not long ago when she told me about an episode of "Dirty Jobs" she watched while I was at work. I guess at the end of the show, Mike Row and the crew were wearing diapers to help promote their show, and she thought it was funny, and wanted to share that with me. How nice it would be to see her open up more with my diapered side, and make my dreams a reality... lol asking a tad to much, though.

My Landlords dont even have the keys to our apartment. The only time they come in is if we need something fixed and they call everytime before coming down.

This is kinda what I'm affraid of if ever DL/ABs ever became an "open to the public" community.... People will think Adults acting like babies, making a mess of themselves, and acting with no adult mindset. And regardless, there will be that handful of people who will try to relate this community with wanting to have sex with kids. For the Diaper Lovers who just wear for the personal feel, comfort, and still would rather use a toilet than the diaper that we're wearing, we'd be forced even more into our dark caves for fear of being labeled what we're not. I will never go public with my desire for these same reasons. I dont even want people to think I need them. Though diapers have had some relationship with Bondage, Bondage itself, is alot easier to accept in the general public. Who doesn't like being held down with some force in a sexaul manner? The outside world will more than likely always think on a negitive level towards ABDLs. I'm 100% positive, I feel alot safer now than I would if it went public. I may not be attacked, obviously, but thats not something I need going out to everyone that knows me other than my SO. She's the only one who needs to know just for the simple fact that I cant hide it from her if I am to want to enjoy it.

I know my ol' lady has allowed me to wear diapers when ever I want, but she still doesnt want to see it. Out of sight, out of mind. I know she hears it, but she has no trouble with this. I agree with the first reply... Give something back... It's a big step for a person to except their SO in diapers if they have never been around it before, so to not give back would be selfish. Also... If you later find out that theres something odd about her, dont critisize. Remember... You're wearing a Diaper!

I believe alot of why I became a Diaper Lover was the fact that I had it so bad through school.... It started back when I was in the 3rd grade. I dont know why but I desided I wasnt going to do anything in school. I guess because I was actually one of the cool kids, and a teacher once said I was one of the best kids in class. Kinda took it as, " I'm the best." well, turned out, I ended up failing the 3rd grade, watched all my friends leave me behind... Kids at this age are little bastards. You have one bad thing going for you, and your the class target. The new kids treated me like crap. I was short, failed a grade, wore glasses, weak, and carried a short temper which was great for all those wanting a show. Piss me off and all I could do is get mad, and put off a show... they knew I wouldnt do anything, because I actually believed I was weak and would get my ass beat. This basicly continued clear through the middle of High School... Clear up to the end of my Senior Year, I can actually count on one hand how many true friends I had. After the school shootings at Columbine, alot of the kids actually tried to leave me alone because they thought I would be the next to snap.... I would have never gone that far, but the thought of killing myself was on my mind at times... Sinse I got out of high school and started working, it has been a uphill battle trying to regain the self confidence. I have been able to control my anger alot better, but I always feel like everyone thinks I'm an idiot... I do sometimes feel paranoid, but my girlfriend of 4 years has been very helpful and understanding of my problems that still haunt me sometimes. The Diapers are basicly a safety blanket for me, and it really helps to ease my mind, and relax. The way I feel when Im wearing a diaper is probably the biggest reason why she doesnt have a problem with it. Growing up dealing with bullies can be hell, and can mess with your head even in your later years. Luckly it hasnt driven me into serious mental health problems. Other than wearing diapers as a way of escape, I'm not doing so bad.

Wearing a fresh Depend Max.... Just ordered my first pack of Abri-Form Original X-Plus Diapers. I'm hoping they will be well worth the money. I should be expecting them within the next few days.

Havent really been as active here as I wish, but I felt I needed to comment on this subject. If anyone remembers my first few posts, I was talking about how Diapers were starting to come into play with my relationship with my girlfriend of 4 (now 4 and a half) years. She's has done very well in "dealing" with my desire to wear diapers, and hardly even thinks about it. She just acts like they're just regular underwear, despite the noise. But it's still an "out of sight, out of mind" thing. As long as I dont talk about it, or let her see it, she seems ok with it. But, I'm feeling like I'm abusing this privelage, and taking advantage of my desire. For awhile it was everyday after work, and hardly ever wore boxers during the weekends, unless I had to run out somewhere. She never said anything, but I felt she might end up having regrets of saying "ok" to begin with. There for awhile, I was wearing Secure X-Plus diapers, and I really enjoyed them, but after I quickly went through my 3rd 12 pack, thats when I started feeling like I should at least try and slowdown, so I bought another pack of Depend Max Diapers. I'm stilling wearing them, but not nearly as often, and she's still acting unfazed by it. I dont even know if she even realises when I'm wearing Diapers or Boxers anymore. anyway, to make a long story short, The thought of wanting to stop is always present, but the desire to keep wearing them keeps me from having the will power to actually stop for a period of time thats more than a week.