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http://www.cracked.com/article_21199_5-horrifying-things-only-garbagemen-know-about-you.html

Hey all.

So, a couple of weeks ago my wife comes to me and says, "im late." To which I replied late for what? Hah turns out after about a year of trying my wife and I are expecting our first child. We are so excited about taking this next journey in our lives together. Ill admit Im a bit scared as well but looking forward to being a father. Looks like my diaper expense is gonna go way up!!

Shame they don't come in small. We really like the Superio. Medium tape on diapers work for both myself and my girlfriend but the pull-ups we both need smalls for them to fit resonably.

The thing is that at some point you wil leave their control and become independent- everyone does So as an adult legally, you have that option- it's just that you're not choosing to exercise it. And that's OK, but your lack of enthusium for life is probably because of that decision You see no future on the current path, you see a future on another path, you are not taking the path you believe that you should be taking. Yep, that will depress anyone.

I think you need to remember its work to live, not live to work.

I feel it relates. Some of us find security in wearing. I feel normal when wearing and not think about them. But when not wearing all I think about is diapers.

As for erections, they are much shorter and not as often. In the morning an erection may last only a minute or two where before they could last a lot longer. I was before this a shower as my length was around 4-5" ish before becoming fully erect. Now, I am totally a grower, for the most part I'm at 2 1/2 - 3" before becoming erect. I'm sure there are a few factors at play here, one is definitely the loose PC muscles, another would be in diapers all the time, where I don't get time to stretch.

I still have no desire to become diaper dependent.

I guess the motorcycle is really a sticking point! We'll have to wait and see... Here's another batch. Matt was playing with a car ramp and Rose was playing with some dolls when they heard the garage door open upstairs. Rose grabbed Matt’s arm and practically dragged him up the stairs yelling, “Daddy’s home! Daddy’s home!” Matt was nervous; would this man like him? What would it be like to have a father? They reached the top and Matt tripped on the top step because he was trying to get up the stairs so quickly. They ran through the kitchen and down the hall, and the door to the garage was just opening up, and a fit middle aged man in a business suit walked in. “Hey angel!” he said, and Rose flung her arms around him. “Hi dada! I got a new brother today! His name’s Matt.” “I know sweetheart!” Rose finally stopped hugging him, and Daddy came over and gave Matt a hug. “Hi kiddo,” he said, “I’m going to be your dad.” Matt’s trepidation disappeared. “Hi!” he said, and his face turned red. He was embarrassed, but somehow he knew that this man loved him already, and he felt better than he’d felt in a long time. Daddy walked over to Mommie and kissed her on the cheek. Mommie stopped what she was doing and kissed him back. “Ewww,” said Rose, “That’s icky.” “How was your day Lins?” he asked “It was great. We’ll talk more about it later.” “Do I have time to change my clothes before dinner?” “Sure, we’ll be ready to do the kids in five minutes.” He started to go upstairs. “Oh, and Adam? Could you grab me a hair clip while you’re up there?” “Sure.” “Isn’t Daddy great?” Rose asked Matt. He didn’t say anything, but he smiled. “Let’s go, you two. In your chairs.” Matt hadn’t noticed earlier, but there were two big highchairs in a corner near the table. Mommie brought them out and pulled out the trays. Matt and Rose both obediently sat down, and then she strapped them in and locked the trays in place. She brought out a couple of big jars of puréed baby food and a little bit of solid food on two plastic plates. Just then, Daddy came back downstairs. “I do Rose tonight if you want to do Matt,” Mommie said. “Sure.” Daddy grabbed two bibs out of the kitchen pantry, and handed one to Mommie, then he tied the other one around Matt’s neck. Matt was starting to get embarrassed again. “I can do it without…” Daddy just shushed him. They started with some sort of cereal that was like oatmeal from the solid food. Daddy took each spoonful and brought it up to Matt’s mouth. “Now open wide,” he said, and placed the food inside. Mommie did the same thing with Rose. It was great. Matt stopped worrying about school, his part time job doing research work on the weekends… oh no! He’d forgotten. He started to squirm. “What’s wrong Matty?” Daddy asked. “I have to go to work tomorrow, and I forgot to tell them, and now I’m going to miss it and then…” “Don’t worry,” Daddy said, “We’ll get it all taken care of.” Matt had never felt so helpless before, and the thought that someone else would help him take care of things, that he wasn’t alone in all this, was very comforting. His eyes teared up just thinking about it. “Now smile for Daddy. Wasn’t that yummy? Tell Mommie you thought the cereal was yummy.” “I liked it!” Matt said, and he smiled, and just started to enjoy himself. Then Daddy fed Matt some squished pees. Matt thought he wouldn’t like the green mess, but it wasn’t so bad. He realized that he was getting food all over his face and bib, but he didn’t care. Occasionally, Daddy had to wipe his face. Finally, Daddy gave him the plastic plate with some little chunks of pear on it. “Go ahead and eat those Matty, and I’ll get you a bottle. Daddy got a bottle out of the fridge and warmed it up in the microwave. When he brought it back, Matt was almost done with his pears. “Now finish your pears and drink up little one.” Matt didn’t really like the taste of it, but he drank it anyway. Rose didn’t seem to like her squished pees too much. She kept making faces and saying “Yuck!” Mommie wasn’t too happy, but eventually gave her some pears and a bottle. “We’ll try again after Daddy and I eat.” The adults sat down at the table and ate their meal, which was chicken and rice with vegetables. When Daddy was almost done with his second plate, he gave Matt little bites of everything. “That’s for being so good and finishing all your food!” he said. Finally, when they were finished, they cleared the table. Daddy let Matt out of his highchair and gave him a refill on his bottle with juice instead of milk, but Mommie didn’t let Rose out of her chair. “We’re going to try again with those pees,” she said. “No,” said Rose, “please please please no!” but Mommie just sat down. “Here comes an airplane!” she said, and tried to feed her. Daddy took Matt by the hand. “In here, sport,” and they walked into the family room. Daddy sat down on the couch and patted his lap. Matt sat down, still sucking on his bottle of juice, snuggling with Daddy. “Listen Matt, I’m really glad that you’ve come to live with us. There’s one thing we need to talk about though.” Matt stopped sucking on his juice. “What’s that Dada?” “I was watching earlier today when you threw that tantrum and Mommie had to spank you.” “You were?” Matt’s eyes got wide. “How?” “You don’t think Mommie can just adopt a baby without asking me, do you? We have cameras in the house and in the store, and I can watch you anytime I want online.” “Oh…” Matt was ashamed that he had thrown the tantrum, ashamed that Mommie had spanked him, and even more ashamed that his new Daddy had seen it. He looked down at the ground. “Look at me. Now I saw that you tried to hit Mommie and kick her when she was spanking you, and that was very naughty. You could hurt her.” “But she was trying to spank me!” “That’s only because you were being naughty, and needed to be reminded of who was in charge. I know you’re just a little boy, and little boys throw tantrums sometimes, but I also know that you’re an awfully big little boy, and that you could actually hurt Mommie, when all she really wants to do is help you and love you. Ok?” Matt nodded. “Now if I see you trying to hit Mommie again, for any reason, or if I see you hitting anyone else, I will give you a spanking myself, even if you’ve already been punished for it by someone else. Do you understand?” “Yes Daddy.” “Ok then, do you want me to read you a story while you finish your juice and we wait for Rose and Mommie?” Matt nodded yes. He crawled over to the bookcase and picked out a book of Shel Silversteen. Daddy read the funny poems while Matt lay his head on Daddy’s lap, drank his juice, and listened. By the time Mommie was done feeding Rose, Matt was fast asleep, and his diaper was soaked. Mommie came in and just smiled at Daddy. “He’s had a rough day,” Mommie said. “I know. I’ve been afraid to move for about half an hour for fear of waking him.” “Matt! Matt! Matt! Wanna watch a movie?” Rose was yelling. “Shusss… Rose sweetie, we were trying no to wake Matty up,” said Mommie. “Oh,” she said, “Well he’s awake now. So can we watch a movie?” “If you two want to, that’s fine with me,” Daddy said. Matt was groggy, but he lay on his tummy next to Rose and watched The Parent Trap with Lindsey Lohan. It was a nice movie, but Matt couldn’t stay awake. Soon Rose couldn’t either. “It’s your turn to do some changes,” Mommie said to Daddy, and so Daddy got two extra thick night diapers and changing supplies to diaper his babies. Rose woke up while he was wiping her bottom, but only for a second. She was out again before her new diaper was taped on. Mommie took Rose, and Daddy took Matt, and they carried the two of them upstairs to two side-by-side adult cribs. “You know,” Mommie said, “It’s a good thing I’ve been working out. Rose is starting to get heavy.” The two happy parents picked out a couple stuffed animals for each of the babies, and left a pacifier and baby bottle of water in their cribs. They closed the door and turned out the lights. “You know, we probably should have made them brush their teeth,” said Mommie. “Oh, stop worrying so much. They won’t get cavities overnight. Now, I want to hear all about how things went today.”