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Many, many times I've read threads that start out "I'm finally going to tell my wife". What can I say? It seems that so many people are afraid of honesty, they're blind to the other person in the relationships feelings, and really showing them the worst kind of disrespect. This callous disregard for them is NOT the way to behave towards someone you supposedly love so much! Two years into a marriage is NOT the time to say "oh, by the way....", If you really love someone then you HAVE to respect them. It means you owe them the truth from the very start of the time you start thinking that they might be the one you want to share your life with. Before you even think of buying a ring you MUST disclose all of your secrets, period. You have to realize that we, as diaper lovers or adult babies, are not what the mainstream of our society consider "normal". As far as a lot of them go we are pretty out there, or extremely perverted (in some people's minds). Some of us are, if you take a realistic view of some in our community. I mean anyone who thinks that girls want to feed them, dress them, keep them in diapers 24/7, and not mind changing their messy diapers, is basically a nut, but they can be found on this site. If you truly love and respect your partner you have a responsibility to tell them about your fetish. I don't mean that you just say "I like to wear diapers sometimes", but to really tell them about it. Whether you are AB and want them to baby you some times, if you want to be babied a lot, if you like to wet, or mess, I mean EVERYTHING!! There is no way that you can fail to do this if you truly love your partner, it is what you owe them if they truly are the one who you love. If you cannot do this then you are not ready to propose to them, let alone marry them. Honesty is not the best policy, it's the ONLY policy here, DO NOT LIE TO THEM BY KEEPING THIS LITTLE "SECRET" TO YOURSELF!! I know that it is hard to talk about something you've kept hidden from everybody else all you life, but you must break that silence if you really love them. It might be that they are not able to accept this about you, but better to know now than after you've trapped someone in a marriage where they suddenly feel betrayed. If you do this to someone they have every right to feel betrayed by you! That could very quickly end your marriage in one UGLY divorce!! Sit down and talk to them, let them know that this is hard for you to talk about, but you have to tell them because to keep it a secret would be wrong, (it would in fact be worse than lying to them). If both of you are truly in love they might just say "well that's different, but it doesn't change how I feel about you". They may even like the idea enough to want to participate. That's a long shot there, but you never know. The point is you have to be upfront and honest from the start. It might be the end of the relationship, but better to know now than to have both of your feeling mangled in a bitter divorce. You are the only one who can pick who you want to open up to when you're in a relationship, but if you think that the relationship is really going to go somewhere you are obligated to out yourself. It's the decent and right thing to do. Peace, Vic

Yes Vic I totally agree. I have posted in the thread you are talking about and know what point you are making. If you marry someone and then wait two years, three years, whatever, and THEN decide to spill the beans about something that should have been brought up BEFORE the marriage, then it is indicative of the level of how much the person loves the other: it shows a low level of love and respect to the woman to hide something like this and the decide to spring it up, basing the future of the marriage on whether she accepts the fact her husband urinates into diapers for fun. Basing the future of the marriage on ACCEPTANCE of the diapers is low and immature. It's something that should be brough out before the marriage, because holding it back until later makes it more painfl for here when she ultimately says no: because face it, next to zero percent of normal women would accept it, and especially after the husband more or less forces the wife to decide on the future of the relationship based on whether or not she will be okay with her husband pooping diapers. You said it's callous. It is 100% and I'm glad to not only know people that agree with me, but that I can agree with them and be together in upholding proper and mature ideals in marriage. Marriage is a sanctity that cannot be toyed with in regards to a relatively base fetish.

Vic I agree one hundred percent. I crossed that bridge with my girlfriend a life time ago. I was in love and didn't want to lose Her but I also know I could never give up wearing diapers either. So I told her everything one night and we are still married to this day. I have two friends that wear diapers, well at least they are interested in wearing them. One has been into diapers since he was eight years old and the other twelve. In both cases, they kept this all a big secret from their wives. What a way to begin a life time relationship, with a lie. One guy wears maybe once or twice a year but is preoccupied with it nonetheless. The other came out well into their marriage and it ended soon after that. Both guys are miserable because they couldn't be honest. The funny thing is that so many here want understanding and acceptance and yet they themselves don't practice what they preach. Great post.

I've just read the thread on "Infinite Jest", and it made me think. Now I wonder if we're not more succeptible to addiction than others. For the most part I have to refer to my own life, and life experiences. I have known other AB/DL's but even though we talked for awhile we didn't get into really deep discussions. First off we have become fixated on an early period of our lives, this is obvious. The earliest memory I have was of being in diapers (I was about 4, my Mom kept me in diapers when I slept because back then I was a bedwetter(as I have again become) and needed diapers still), and knowing, I mean really KNOWING that I wanted to be in them till the day I died. We are all different, but at the same time we have this desire to wear diapers in common. I grew up in an abusive house, and my childhood was traumatic, but this is not true of all of us. Some of us have come from very loving families with ideal conditions while they were growing up. Most of us fit somewhere in between the two background groups, yet all of us are fixed in early childhood or infancy. Whatever the reason we've grown up with this secret side to us, (I mean, who you gonna talk to about it?) and we've lived this type of double life. Many of us have thought that this must mean that we are defective and wrong, and have had many feelings of inferiority because of this. Alcoholics and addicts often have felt that THEY were defective and inferior as well. Like addicts we look for something outside ourselves to make us happy, and we don't see ourselves as the authors to our own misery. We go around making unfair demands on others, "life would be great if so and so would only treat me better, or keep out of my way, etc". A lot of us want everything and we want it on an all or nothing level, and we turn to drink or other substances when life doesn't give us what we want. We wallow in depression, or we hold ourselves to the flame of self loathing. We store up resentment and wonder why we are not happy. It's so hard for many people to understand that the world is what it is, and you need to be okay with being who you are, and live your life as harmoniously as you know how with those about you. When it comes to resentment you are only hurting yourself by holding grudges, by forgiving and forgeting you are setting yourself free. Happiness is not being numb, excessive use of recreational drugs or drink only leads to hopelessness and death. So many guys on these boards are searching for someone who will make THEM happy by doing everything that THEY want them to do TO THEM, and then THEY have the nerve to be pissed off when THEY OFFEND OTHERS by their demands. They are far too immature to realize what it is they are doing that offends people, they never get that there is give and take in a normal relationship. Then they wonder why people are creeped out by them. AB/DL's can be really out there when it comes to reality. I know, I've read enough on sites and in chat rooms to tell you that. We're all also very different in our likes and dislikes, and are VERY offended by other AB/DL's when we don't agree with the way that they are, they don't get that all of us, have different diaper desires. Some AB/DL's just like to wear diapers, (DL's) while some like to wear diapers and be treated as an infant, play with baby toys, and eat baby food (AB's). And all of them like to do these things to a differing degree, or like to do it in a different way. Some just like to wear them, others like to wet them, and still others like to wet and mess. Some who mess are into coprophilia, others just get cleaned up as soon as they've messed. Coprophiliates are people who have a fascination with scat, or if you prefer, feces. Some of these people like to stay in the messed diaper for an extended period of time, some will even smear the feces. It's all just part and parcel of their desire to be diapered to them. So all of us are different, but in some ways we're all alike. We've all kept most of this secret from everybody, and really, that's not really healthy. Addicts like to keep secrets, that's why AA and NA have a program where you evaluate all your past misdeeds (mistakes) and share them with another. So I just wonder if growing up liking to wear diapers didn't in fact make us more likely to become addicted to other things. I don't think that wearing diapers itself is so much an addiction as I think that it is hard wired into us, but I do wonder if being this way led to the problems that I had with addiction in my life. I know a lot of AB's and DL's who like to use, and who like to drink, but I wonder just how many of us would admit that we have a problem or have had a problem with addiction in their lives. It's not something I know as a fact, it's just something that makes me wonder. It's really just an opinion of mine, but it seems likely to me because hiding things and some of this stuff are symptoms associated with addiction. Peace, Vic

Yes,I wear a PINK pacifier around my neck,or attached to MY purse.I have been asked about it,and when asked I just put it in MY mouth,and say I am just trying to make a NEW fad,you should really try it!!!!

The beginning of the end. You think she's 'good' with it. No, she's not. I would have advised you to keep your secret. A diaper fetish itself isn't a deal breaker, but not telling your wife before you marry her certainly is. People hate feeling deceived, even if it's over just a little thing, like a scratch in a table. The problem isn't the scratch, it's that you weren't forthcoming.

Perhaps the implication is right- there's at least a 50% chance of that And since you seem to feel that demanding proof is proper etiquette, how about I demand that you prove your assertion? Think that over and see how it feels, then maybe you'll understand why you've gotten such a negative reaction from the members here If you want to know something, nobody else is under any obligation to find that information and hand it to you in a silver platter Go dig it up yourself or learn to act nicely enough so that others here will feel more like helping you Dump onto others and they will likewise dump onto you. Have an equivalent day Bettypooh

That depends on the person. I wonder how many of us (such as myself) are seemingly stuck with a sexuality they're not comfortable with and would rather be without. I know acting on it is purely a choice, but a very difficult one at times. I'd like to know more about the OP.

I think you made a very adequate description of an sort of addict, and this i feel could fit any group of people in any sort of community, be it a fetish or other... I myself am not an addict, nor do i have an addictive personality. But then again i did not grow up wanting to wear diapers, and didn't discover this whole ab thing until was 21... And while I don't go out telling everyone i know about this, i'm not ashamed, and when asked outright, i just explained it and moved on... but maybe because i didn't have the fascination since childhood, i am different than those you have described.... very well written post though.

RIP David. I actually had lunch with him a few weeks before he killed himself so mentions of him and seeing his books in stores still sort of stings me.. He was a friend and his father was a professor of mine for a time. He knew about ABDLs, but I never got around to telling him I was one, but I know for a fact he would have been super open minded, accepting, and encouraging of our lifestyle.

I'll just do it to piss off Darkfinn.

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why not get off your lazy ass and find your own proof instead of demanding others come up with it for you!

It is my opinion that AB's and DL's seem to have addictive personalities. I haven't read the book, but I'll look for it at my library. The reason I feel that we have addictive personalities comes from my own observations of my own life, and from people in the community that I've come to know. Peace, Vic

Oh my god... seriously. You had to Necro this piece of shit thread? Come on people... for pete's sake. See a pointless argument thread, recognize that it has been dead for over 2 weeks, and leave it alone!

No offense... but at 21 you should be out living on your own.

I've just purchased the most friggin awesome werewolf costume money can buy, I'm getting all excited about going into the woods tonight wearing it and appearing at the side of the road when motorists pass making sure they get a good glimpse then running back into the woods scaring the shit out of them or staring in peoples windows then running away when they see me. http://www.escapade.co.uk/Halloween-Costumes-sale/Werewolf-Deluxe-Costume-Medium.asp?source=webgains&siteid=47683

Take cat, take burlap sack, insert cat into said sack and tie closed, throw cat in river. Problem solved.

Most relationships fail because of our diapers. And since diapers are inanimate objects that can't love us back and are only temporary items that once used, we throw away, the clear cut winner shold be the woman, not the diaper. If diapers are an issue, toss em out and be a good husband or boyfriend. It's totally not worth it to destroy a good relationship with a women just so you can have a padded bottom at night. But if diapers are that important to fail a human to human relationship then go for it. I would not even contemplate possibly failing a relationship with a good woman just to stay in diapers. The fact you contemplate you may lose her signifies you may not fully love her. I'm not dr phil though, so don't take my word.

Then I hate to tell you this, but if you do a search for scat on the internet you'll find a lot of scat sites. Coprophilia is a bit extreme, but many AB's like to mess their diapers, as you can tell by this forum. There are also a lot of sites for watching girls pee their diapers. It's amazing what you can find with a little curiosity and a computer. You might find coprophilia to be gross and disgusting, and I'll agree with you, it is. However there are more of them out there than you know, and as far as I know, like the desire for diapers, there is no cure. Imagine the poor sap who has to live with this fetish, I'm sure that he didn't wake up one day and say "you know what I'd like to try........" I'm quite sure that it's a condition that is extremely embarrassing. Peace, Vic

I want to see official proof that directors make child actors wear diapers due to budget constraints. Official as in news reports, interviews, books published. Not hearsay from people.

Why should I? It's others who brought up the topic first. And infact you are implying that there is no proof!!!