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Congratulations on sticking with it! Its so cool how normalized it is for you now. Are there any other positive changes or benefits you've found from making the switch over to full time?

This will likely be my second year spending christmas in diapers. The first year I was absolutely terrified, but I had a onesie on and managed well. This year will be dramatically different and I will feel much more confident.

I'm happy to hear that you're open to different perspectives! And yeah, I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. Even if you "gave yourself those problems", for a child to do something so extreme there has to be a reason why. There has to be some input or some impulse causing it either physiological or psychological. It could be a million different things, like toxic shame or bodily dysfunction, and finding out what exactly drove this impulse and this desire for you may help you find some peace with this condition. No child (hell, no person at all) will go to the lengths that you have gone without good reason. Through my own healing with trauma and shame, I've come to understand that these things don't just come up out of nowhere. This has been extremely frustrating to me too. I am on a political board on other sites and people have used the "bedwetter" phrase very often to describe anxiety, I actually called them out for it! And they stopped using the phrase! But how they talk about one of the particular candidates has been driving me crazy. I can't wait until Wednesday.

If you are frustrated from reading it, Imagine how Reddy feels having to feel those feelings! 😄 I posted earlier along in your journey but wound up deleting my posts as a result of some problems I was having at the time. But I've been following this thread from the start and I feel like you are being incredibly harsh to yourself now. I recall you mentioning that you had issues with your bladder before the surgery, right? Issues with frequency, urgency, and leaks? I recall telling you back then that you already met the diagnostic criteria for incontinence before you had that surgery, though you didn't agree or feel the same way. But I bring that up to maybe try and open your mind to a different perspective. Have you considered the possibility that you aren't lying? That the enjoyment you are getting from this is from the relief of not having the symptoms that plagued you before you got the surgery? Based on what you posted, I think that you would have wound up in this position (having more severe incontinence and needing diapers) somewhere further along the line of your life, and your surgery just sped that process up. You did not choose to have the problems you had and there is no shame in seeking some kind of relief from your symptoms. That includes the physical symptoms you had and the mental health struggles you had too. "I had a procedure done to address some symptoms I had with my pelvic floor and it wound up having a different outcome than I expected" sounds like the truth to me. In addition, you did not choose to have the symptoms or the desires that you had. If it was a choice, surely you would have made different choices. Give yourself some grace, you deserve it.