What To Expect

[abdl86]

so when it here a sound or something it should start to relax the bladder. Is that what you mean?

[BlakeJordan]

Thats definitely part of it. The sound doesn't actually trigger my bladder to relax at this point. Not muscle memory. Though it's an instant mental reminder that triggers me to relax both my bladder and sphincter. This is especially useful when I'm not drinking enough to urinate every 15 minutes but have the alarm to go off every 15 minutes. I may not be able to go. But I instantly am reminded to relax those muscles therefore helping me weaken them and create a mental habit to keep them relaxed at all times. This has triggered more and more spasms. Which feels like an urge to go. Both before and after I actually do end up going. As well as its made it increasingly difficult to void completely. Always leaving more and more fluid in bladder making the time between voiding less and urination more frequent. It becomes a vicious cycle.

-Blake-

[quicktip]

Mate,

Are you sure this is what you want in life? Think about A Wife and Kids? Think of a honeymoon, think of trips around the world. Think of all the amazing people you can meet. It's your life, I'm not telling you what to do. But as your brother I would want to love on ya mate because I do not believe the future is one to have. Do not let the fantasy become reality eh? You have you whole life ahead of you, are you positive it needs to be in diapers?

You are Loved~

God bless!

[BlakeJordan]

@Quicktip

I feel like I've addressed this issue throughout. Though I'll address it directly. I can't say what's right for anyone but myself. In fact throughout my journal I have Strongly discouraged and asked people to think loooong and hard. I have my reasons. Mostly mental stability. For me, the diapers keep me from going over the edge. Sliding downhill when all else fails. It's not a day to day tool I need. For day to day. It's comfort and enjoying them. I am able to deal with most things that come my way through a wide array of coping skills.

This is something that I've been thinking about since I was in my early teens. So for close to 15 years I've done my due diligence looked at every side of the situation I could and researched researched researched.

My personality as well as the crowd of friends I hang with are very open, even to fetishes. If I were to get close to somebody. This would be a non issue.

As it stands my current sexual stance is and has been for several years that I'm not interested in a relationship. Due to my cerebral palsy my sex drive is nearly nothing. And what I get out of sex is emotional rather than physical.

With all of my other lifestyle interests kids are not an option for me, nor would I want to pass on my genetic code due to multiple issues with it.

I am also very much a homebody and what is most important to me is my family and friends. I have been to over 30 countries in my life. And while the experience was invaluable I do not feel the need to see every bit of the world.

As I get more and more used to this, I will be able to go and travel easily in hotels. Just an extra bag. As for friends and family. Again not an issue. Very open minded.

I think I have traveled/stayed the night 3x in the past two years and do not see that pattern changing.

Again I advocate what you do. I feel for almost every person out there the fantasy beats the reality. There are most likely only 1% of individuals who fantasize about this who would actually benefit from it and most of them will never actually follow through in this journey due to various reasons.

I try to keep this journal as impersonal as possible, and hinted at my reasons but never fully posted them. Hopefully this will help you as well as others understand more fully my background and motivations for choosing this path.

-Blake-

[BlakeJordan]

Some news and a very quick update.

The guide I've (and everyone here) has been working on will have a home. I recently registered becomeincontient.com and set up web hosting.

Over the next few months as this journey ends I will get the site up and running.

There will be both a web/HTML version as well as a PDF version.

There will also be a forum much like here that can be a place to constantly improve the guide itself. Any hot topics, tips etc. will make it into the guide.

The benefit of this is that this guide will change and grow over the years. I will continue hosting indefinitely. And sites can link directly to the most updated version of the PDF. Rather than having copies spread across the Internet.

Not only am I creating a guide here. I'm creating a starting point. A point that can be improved and changed upon for years to come. The feedback and interest I've gotten from everyone here has been amazing. So I again, thank you.

--------------------------

Quick update

I've finally done what I've advocated. Which has more or less put me at a point of no return.

I've told two people very close to me that I see more than once a week of issues with incontinence. One was more of an update, my housekeeper. Who is also a dear friend of mine. She works for an agency and that has been put in my file. So even if I were to ask for someone else or change agencies completely. That info would stick with me.

I told her, and my closest friend that I got test results back from the urologist confirming a relapse from two years ago. That the bottom line was I would have incontinence issues for life.

A lie I admit, but I am also well on my way to incontinence. To a real condition. So just barely.

The bottom line for me is it brings it to a new level.

As I'm weeks or a month max away from the physical point of no return. I felt I needed a little something extra just in case. This will be a hard set of checks and balances I can build on over the next month with family and friends. When "permanent" is entered into the equation it is extremely difficult to make excuses. Given any situation. Not just this one.

For me, yesterday was the mental point of no return. That I mentally made up my mind to follow through with this by setting up a hard set of checks and balances with those most intricate in my life.

As for the reaction. As I mentioned before. We think this is a huge deal. But it's not. It's a medical condition in most peoples mind. Nothing more. Both were very supportive and told me they were there for me if I needed them. They also both thanked me for sharing my life with them and trusting them.

-----------------

So I don't want to get burned on here for a betrayal of friendship. A lie told etc. I'll address it head on. It's one thing in my mind if you are starting out. I learned that last time. However if your already committed, need that extra push and are actually experiencing symptoms. I think it's a fair compromise.

---------

Ok. A few more hours of shuteye then a long day of work ahead.

-Blake-

[Joebasic]

Hi Blake...

I love what you do here..

A quick question for you...what diaper do you use and what is the approximate monthly cost of supplies?

Thanks!

Joe

[BlakeJordan]

I am using the bellismino from bambino. Using between 3-4/day. My costs sit right at the $200 mark.

It has been a tad more this month as I'm trying to break through barriers. Maybe 4-5/day. Though took advantage of a the sales they had. So my costs are more or less the same.

Diapers are not cheap. I may eventually switch to cloth. Want to make sure I complete the journey first. As well as finally have my weight even out.

I don't believe everyone needs the most expensive diaper on the market. I use the bellismino as I like the elastic waistband. It's very tear resistant, and can of course be taped multiple times. All a must for me, to get a good fit.

Each body is different, so our needs will be too. I suggest sample packs from the top companies out there, as well as even some of the top bulk distributers for hospitals. I know when I started this two years ago I tried over a dozen diapers. Over six different stuffers and mixed and matched until I got the right combo.

It may be that you can get away with a stuffer and a cheaper diaper. Or vice versa.

I actually went to a local supplier close to me, to talk about my needs, their products. Which I saw online, but wanted more details on. And tried about 9/12 of them. Actually still have stuffers from back then I use in specific situations.

It wasn't until this diaper came out and I was able to adjust my schedule that I skipped the stuffer and just went with one diaper.

Again. Your needs may be different.

I know I DO keep banbinos original line on hand for doubling up during the day if I need an extra few hours.

I also normally just double up with 2 of their new lines at night IF I've been drinking tons. Most nights. If I'm not trying to break a barrier. One will cut it for the entire night.

I will say that when I'm sick or bedridden I'll double up with 2 bellisminos and a dry 24/7 the next size up.

I use the pinwheel to pretty much take off the plastic of each diaper, exposing the core. As what I've found is that even though they are meant to stretch. They are not meant to stretch that much. If you take off the actual plastic. You then have one huge core. With the 24/7 as the container.

Helps if you can't or don't want to change as much. And prevents you from cheating.

-------------

A tip. Use scotch's tear by hand tape to take care of an extra slack. Especially around the legs and waist. This tape is a tad expensive but often on sale and easy to find. You can get it in bulk for cheap on amazon.

It's about 2.5x as thick ad normal mailing tape. Clear. So as not to interfere in any prints. Can be torn with one hand. Not flimsy, do not as vulnerable to sticking to itself.

Also excellent for reinforcement of tapes for long outings. Or if your wings are vulnerable to tear.

-Blake-

[BlakeJordan]

I'm a bit quiet lately due to a variety of reasons. Not a huge amount of progress is being made right now. Rather I am focusing on the details. Trying to get through barriers etc.

The biggest things right now are sleeping through the night. Whether it be with a timer. Or water before bed. I'm still working on the bedwetting.

I'm trying to wet as often as possible, as previously mentioned my number of diapers per day went up this month. Though to be expected.

There are a couple noteworthy updates. I think I finally got the "spasm, that feels like your foot is asleep" though I would describe it more as a spasm that feels like your constantly urinating. Almost like being cathed. But not.

This becomes very interesting, as I am dribbling more and more anyways. Especially in the times before and after urination. What this means is that there becomes almost a constant sense/feeling of me urininating. I know by checking there are times where the flow stops completely. Though it's becoming impossible to tell those times. The result is I have no idea of how much fluid Is actually being expelled.

The second noteworthy thing is that it's become nearly impossible for me tell how much fluid is inside the bladder. I get an urge to urinate. Though am completely unable to tell if it's going to be a ton. Or just a few drops. I find this interesting. I've been caught off guard more then once when I was in a position where there was a kink in my bladder. When I finally felt the urge I did not realize how much was going to be expelled. Had it not been for the plastic pants. It would have been a bad situation.

Lastly I have started going through this journal. Entry by entry. Rewriting each post for readability, and so it can stand on its own when put into the guide. Without the help of supporting posts. As I don't have the permission to take what other people have written here, I am taking the time to fill in the gaps and even add some additional details or retrospective thoughts for the posts that are a couple years old.

Needless to say. Going through everything has started me to rethink things again. Trying to see where my gaps are in my own process.

This will become useful and is the first step in creating the guide. Speaking of which. The domain is registered and hosting is up. I will be working on the site slowly, hopefully have everything finished and live when I'm finished.

Thanks again for all the support, I did not ever imagine that I would get this much support for my own journey. It means a great deal to me. So I thank you.

-Blake-

[BlakeJordan]

I need some input for the guide.

I'm a bit torn right now in terms of a first day shopping list. Something I've been thinking a lot of.

Part of me feels that... Yea mentally it's good to buy everything at once. Though, I know to get the right things that is quite expensive. Even for someone well off. Also, if you don't follow through that's a heck of a lot of money put towards something you no longer use.

So I'm torn. I personally advocate going the long term route, and getting stuff that is going to last you. Things that you can use over and over again, and not have to replace every month. Quality over lower price.

This is expensive. Yes. But like anything it's worth doing right. One of the reasons I strongly suggest making sure your financially secure before starting.

Let me give you an example.

My first day shopping list was very very basic.

2 cases of bellismino diapers.

3 pairs of plastic pants.

Hypnotic CDs for reinforcement from foradultbabies.com.

Adult wipes

Baby powder

A few different ointments.

Even then I didn't say go out and purchase it all in one day. I purchased it before day one.

Everything else has been slow.

I purchased an additional 10 pairs of plastic pants which were on sale.

Purchased a ton of the tear by hand tape. Again on sale.

Purchased dandelion tea. Once I researched the correct kind.

Got a few weeks worth of a natural diuretic. Anything in the grocery store is full of artificial ingredients.

Already had a few bed liners.

Purchases an extra heavy duty liner to go below it.

Purchased 10 onesies to go below shirts and for sleeping at night.

Still to purchase, a high quality adult size diaper pail.

So my list while covering the same things as the 12 month program is not being frugal. Rather going for quality. Things I can incorporate into my life. Keep it there. Make it easy and successful.

These items had they been purchased in one day would cost over $1,000. Even for someone well off. That's a huge hit.

Thinking ease in slowly. Get things that'll last you. Get what's needed to start. The rest can come in time.

Thoughts?

-Blake-

[Creepymouse]

Well, some people will be happy with lesser capacity diapers, or able to stuff them for longer use during the day like Alwayswet (the author of the 12 month program) suggested. His recommendation was a low price brand with cheap plastic pants, which I don't believe is a sustainable solution but it worked for him. On the other hand, he suggested using size six baby diapers as stuffers and be prepared to pull the stuffer out to do a 'quickie' change that will allow you to take advantage of the outer diaper's absorbancy for a little longer. I found that it worked extraordinarily well with the lower-end Abena diapers I had at the time.

Also, he recommends files from Warpmymind. While they have a lot of odd files, there are a few that would be fine for reinforcement of a bedwetting and 24/7 habit. In fact I know I made at least one file that would be satisfactory in place of a purchased CD. You could alternately provide a short script for the trainee to record for himself and loop quietly while sleeping which would probably be every bit as effective.

During my training, I didn't find that onesies were useful at all. I chose to wear snug boxer briefs over the diapers, since the crotch part of the onesies would almost always end up wicking moisture at inopportune times. I am not one who needed the reinforcement of getting rid of all my normal underwear though. I did make an example of a few pairs of old boxers though. XD

[BlakeJordan]

I completely agree with the lesser capacity. Why I said to try multiple out. Even go to a supply place.

Having done what you suggested with Warp my mind myself. I find there are several problems with this.

You usually have breaks in audio. Not everyone is going to know programs such as audacity. And there is much editing involved.

The quality itself varies. Even the best ones are of lesser quality. Not being recorded in a studio. Etc.

The hypnotists vary as well. From horrible. To incredible.

Though one of my per peeves is that any background audio is more to get you deeper and not actual subliminal recording.

You can get close. Don't get me wrong. But there are nuances that are missed an with a the CDs I mentioned. The subliminal audio is mixed by hand. With the suggestions you pick. And put into every audio file.

If you go the warp my mind route. I suggest sticking with one person. And getting a membership. So that you have the background audio.

Also I suggest using audacity.

The other option is to get a custom file made by one of the top hypnotists there. If your not comfortable editing. This is handy and runs 1/4 the price. $100. Cardigan and lady rio are both great if I remember.

As for the onesie. The only time I've had wicking issues with anything is if I didn't have my legs tight enough. This is very important to make sure there is no space around there. Even with tight taping I still use the tear by hand tape to get extra spaces.

The only other instance is sweating and the diaper actually leaking.

In any case. If im worried about those embarrassing marks. Or remotely at risk. I throw on a pair of plastic pants. No risk at that point.

Perhaps you ca. Comment on your method of tight underwear. How does it work on doubling up?

To be honest. I think there's no right answer. Or no one right answer here. More. I think there are options. And giving those options letting people think about them and choosing what's best for Them and their budget.

Thank you for your input creepymouse. Much appreciated.

-Blake-

[Honu]

Blake,

You asked for getting started shopping list additions and I have a few for you. First, put yourself in the mindset of an expectant parent. You are about to have a completely incontinent person in your house and you have to prepare for them. Yes, you've got the diapers and clothes that fit over them and even considered a very necessary diaper pail. You also had a few things necessary for your bed. I have thoughts for the bed and suggest that the sitting areas at home also be waterproof. For the bed, I recommend a zippered vinyl matterass cover (cheap and available at Target, etc.) topped with a cotton, washable matterass pad (again cheap and available at Target, etc.). The couch, chairs and such (like car seat) should each get an incontinence pad. These are made for incontinent people who are wheelchair bound, but are appropriate on any sitting surface.

As you should know by now, and what every parent knows, is that accidents happen when someone is in diapers. Spare clothing is always in a baby's diaper bag and sent with them to daycare just because accidents happen! If you are truly expecting to be incontinent, then you should also expect and be prepared for accidents and leaks.

You are making great progress on your goal and of course making a great contribution to this community. Thank you so much for all you've done!

[BlakeJordan]

That's a very good point. I completely forgot many of those. And forgot that I have and use pads at home. Shows my mindset at this point I guess.

What I found most helpful at the beginning was getting some kind of backpack. Something you can throw stuff in. Briefcases don't work quite as well for the extra clothing. Diapers yes. Clothing no.

For the first few months. Not only keep that fully stocked. But also with you at all times. Your still learning what to expect at this point. And your body is chugging rapidly.

On that note, if you have a cubicle or office. Keep another full set of clothes there. As well as in your car.

I like the idea of protective cover incasing your bed as well.

Good advice Honu.

-Blake-

[Creepymouse]

I never found that double disposables were of any use at all. Some extra absorbancy at the expense of a LOT of extra bulk, extra plastic, and extra expense. I used primarily the Abri-let maxi boosters or toddler diapers as inserts. When I've doubled full briefs, even when thoroughly punctured, I always ended up with problems and a lot of unused capacity. I like your idea of using a pinwheel, but I doubt it would work any better for me.

One of my favorite techniques for home use is to actually un-seal the back waistband of an Abena M4 and insert an Abri-let booster between the existing padding and the outer shell. That essentially doubles the internal capacity of the abena, without defeating any of the leak protections of the diaper. I'll sometimes place a piece of 'magic chamois' microfiber fleece between my skin and the diaper, which will help to wick the moisture from the front area into the back. When I don't use the shammy, I end up getting the front soaked but the back bone dry.

Finally, I never found that disposables were satisfactory for night wear. I went strictly with cloth diapers and slept the better for it. I never had to worry about capacity. Every time I'd sleep in a disposable I'd wake up with it coming off and all screwed up. I am a very active sleeper. That and I never once had a disposable that didn't leak in bed.

On an off note, I thought it was quite funny that the only time I needed a change of clothes at work was when I wasn't diapered! I spilled orange soda in my lap.

[BlakeJordan]

Update: From best I can tell from various medical sources online. That "asleep" feeling that I'm experiencing is an extreme weakening of my bladder and sphincter and as a result it is contracting almost all the time now.

The result of this is that I get anywhere between 2-30 seconds notice before urine starts to flow, in any position. It now takes my full attention to clamp down on my sphincter muscles while out of a diaper.

Wetting, while noticeable is completely effortless besides driving which I know will come in time and is due more to a kink in the sphincter than a mental block at this point.

If, that is if I am paying attention. I can still hold my bladder for quite some time. Though two hours with the help of a kink was the max of last night.

I payed a dear price for that as well, as my bladder was in literal pain for another six hours after emptying as much as I could.

I no longer need an alarm during the day or night. My bladder is not strong enough to go more than an hour during the day. Two at night. Making me wake up on my own at night. At this point sleeping through the night is just habit.

I think I can say, and most would agree that at just under the two month mark, less than half the time of my previous attempt. (Started Aug 1st) I have reached the point of physical no return.

I already have reached my mental point of no return, by setting up several checks and balances with those closest in my life.

At this point I think it's only a matter of time.

I am having troubles judging how far I am, in terms of total progress. As what I'm experiencing this time is slightly different than last, and very different from the 12 month program.

In any case. I know I'm moving forward, and at a quick pace.

Thank you all for your wonderful input, and show of support you've given me.

-Blake-

[abdl86]

Sounds like you are close to your goal now then?

[BlakeJordan]

Not sure where I'm at exactly. As my progress is off from the 12 month program, and there's not much other resources in terms of recorded progress. It's difficult to tell in terms of percentage. I'm open to input on the subject, would be helpful in trying to time things out the rest of the way.

Honestly. Was not expecting things to go this fast. I tried to wait as long as possible before announcing the physical point of no return. None the less. It's going extremely quick.

Somehow I expect with the progress being what it is, there will be a setting in period at the end to finalize the results.

Any thoughts?

-Blake-

[BlakeJordan]

Major Update-Nearing End:Please Read

I have not been doing a ton of updates lately for a few reasons.

My body is changing rapidly, and as such I'm actually having a bit of troubles keeping up. Both mentally and physically.

These past couple weeks have I have seen huge leaps. More than I ever thought would be possible while on this path. As I mentioned I got to the point of no return. Both mentally and physically. My body has been changing so quick I really should be doing daily updates at this point. However I've been maxed.

Let me catch everyone up.

My bladder is now literally spasming at all times. It feels something In between a catheter being in and a your foot asleep.

My bladder is acting more and more like that of an infants or child's. I have near, though not constant leakage. This seems to be due to the rapid fire spasming of the bladder.

I wake up every 30-45 min to urinate. Though am not sleeping through things except on the rare times. Though they have started. So they will continue becoming more frequent.

Half the time I wake up with a full bladder, the other half I wake up empty. It seems the last hour or so is my deepest sleep.- by full I mean about 7-8 oz. which at this point is bursting for me.

I leak now in the car. Though have yet to have a full wetting.

During the day it has become impossible to go without a diaper. I WILL have accidents. Even if out for a few minutes at a time. Whether its leakage or a full blown wetting.

I have an average of about 5 seconds of warning before a full wetting. (3-4 oz during the day. 4-6 oz. at night). I can rarely hold it even if I try. If I DO put my full attention, I might be able to hold it to get to the restroom.

It is now impossible for me to tell how much I'm going to wet. I have no sense of how full my bladder is. Usually I'm completely off.

I'm forgetting and misjudging the frequency and amount of times/urine expelled into and how full my diaper is. Diaper checks for fullness is now a must.

Though there is a continuos spasm. When urine is expelled through a full wetting a harder multiple spasm occurs. Thus making it much harder to hold.

I am now almost completely reliant on my abdominal muscles to expel any remaining contents of my bladder-if I think about it. Even then I'm almost positive my bladder is never truly completely empty.

Frequency between full settings is now between 15-45 minutes. Though no longer than an hour and a half. Even when extremely dehydrated. Average is about 25 minutes in about 75% of cases.

Sleep has become difficult. I think my body is in shock right now. It takes me between an hour and two hours to reach sleep. Both with constant leakage. Distracting spasming. And even the unexpected leak.

Due to sleep. Waking up quite often. Etc. I've been quite out of it. Doing the minimum with work. And trying to slow things down.

Two weeks ago all of this was just Barely showing. Just beginning. I honestly did not think this amount of progress or degradation was humanly possible in such a short period.

------------------

My hand was forced. Due to various reasons. And I was forced to come forward to my family. This was highly emotionally taxing. Though happy to report everything turned out great. Everybody is onboard. Even got some closure on infantilism from my dad, he finally came to accept it as part of me, and is just fine with it.

While not relevant to this story I think the point at the end will be.

One of my best friends betrayed me. Stealing. Things came together and it appears she has a sociopathic personality. Lost a friend to mental health issues. Not fun.

The point of all of the above drama is that there will be very trying weeks in this journey. I don't talk about my trials or tribulations often. Though I think it's important to covet it in some aspect here.

There will be times where you have a very bad day or week. Something(s) will happen like the above. Something to force your hand. Or extreme drama or life trials.

During these periods. It is up to you what you want to do. I'm in no way going to tell you that this journey is more important than your life trials. If you need a break. You take it. This is about self care. Do what you need to do.

------------------

I am trying to find the most efficient and effective route. Document and observe. This OS an experiment. Something that is documented, and hopefully will be able to be replicated.

This journey is all about you. Have fun with it. Take as much or as little time as you want. A very good friend reminded me recently that I needed to remind myself and everyone else, ok we are trying to make ourselves incontinent here. Then what do we do? What's next? His point is well taken. This is just as much about the journey as it is the destination.

While I'm trying to find the shortest, most effective path there possibly is for this journey. That doesn't mean you have to follow in my footsteps. Take and use what you want out of this. Pick and choose.

My guide, and site will be article/mini guide based.

The site itself will be wiki style. Though formatted in a guide for easy navigation. Everything will be searchable. As well as the articles/guides will link to each other through keywords.

I will include my journey. The exact steps I took. Etc. and have guides for each of those. I will also try to have as much supplemental material as possible. Stuff I don't need or didn't do. But may come in useful for someone else.

It should work out to be a. A la carte option. Allow you to pick and choose what you want to do and don't want to do, based on the speed you want to go.

Remember this all about you and your life, your journey. Do what is best for you. If need 10 years. Take it.

----------------------

Based on recent developments I can't help but think this journey is nearing an end.

As I mentioned before. I will wait and continue to post until my body stops changing.

I know there are still some things left to go through. But I can't see them taking too terribly long.

I do also think there will be a setting In period of a few months after my body stops changing.

At this point I'm going to update my progress as usual. And start on the guide and site as well.

Everyone here has been wonderful.

I honestly thought this thread might seriously get flamed. Or at best get a few views. Nothing like it has.

I somehow feel like I'm saying goodbye here. Though that isn't exactly the case. I'm actually trying to prevent myself from breaking into tears.

What else is there to say except thank you.

As we are nearing the end. If you've held of rating posts please do so soon. As well as now is the time to ask questions. Lots of questions. Before I get the guide written.

-Blake-

[Bettypooh]

Blake, it has been wonderful being along with you on your journey And do not see anything as an ending, but rather as a milepost you've passed along the way to the unknown destination of where your life will go. I have to admit some jealousy in wishing I was doing the same, but I have to handle the reality that incontinence isn't for me- well at least not at this time You have explained all so well here that I am left with nothing to question- that is a rarity for me Now just because you have reached one goal doesn't mean that you have to go, we always need all the good people we can get here and even if it isn't diaper-related you can post here among friends anytime, many of us do just that Please return from time to time and let us know how you're doing; life and this website is about people, not diapers, though they are the one thing which connects all of us some way or another. In closing I want to offer you my thoughts on peeing while asleep.

One thing which seemed to help me was to be tired when I went to bed. As I drifted of to sleep I'd either play a WMM bedwetting file or I'd do some self-affirming silently telling myself that I am a bedwetter and that it is good. If my mind had the extra capacity I'd see myself waking up wet and happy too. But always be wet some before going to bed- that removes any mental blocks that try to tell you that you're not supposed to be wet in your sleep; your subconscious will know you can't prevent what has already happened so there's no point in trying Focus on the feeling of wetness and think about how you like it- as well as remembering that you are accomplishing something you really want to do by wetting in your sleep for positive conscious reinforcement And whenever you wake up wetter than you remember being and have wet your sleep, lay there a bit and gloat on it- reward yourself for doing so well

May you find the rest of your life as interesting, happy, and as satisfying as this part has been for you. Godspeed my friend, the door is always open here for you should your travels pass this way again which I hope they do

Bettypooh

[BlakeJordan]

@Bettypooh Thank you for the wonderful compliment on this thread.

I should clarify. I'm not leaving DD. Too many great people. Rather I feel like I'm saying getting ready to say goodbye to this thread.

Good points on the night wetting. Thank you.

In the next few months. I hope to get the guide up as well as the site. Which will be becomeincontinent.com (how original right lol) if you go there now there's just a test page. However that will change in the next few weeks.

Hosting is already set up. And I have my content system picked out.

Along with the wiki style guide. There will also be a forum. Chat room, contact page. Etc.

Count me as a long term member of DD for years to come. I plan to stay active on the boards here. As well as will be here for any advice or support.

I know 2-3 months is a ways off. It is my hope the content in this thread will suffice until I get things up.

It's my hope this community will have a home for a guide that can evolve for years to come. This will be the base. Something to be built on. Unlike the 12 month program which became very static.

My progress has been very different from the 12 month program. I know this. I think besides sleeping through the night every night I'm at the same point at 2 months as he was in 12.

I think sleeping through the night will come once my body goes out of shock. Normalizes a bit. And I am able to get back on a regular schedule. Hopefully within a couple weeks.

Remember. This is your life. Remember the reality vs. fantasy. Go at your own pace. And do what you need to do to be happy and have a stable fulfilling life.

-Blake-

[Craisler]

I wonder if through all your efforts to weaken and shrink your bladder that you've made yourself overly aware of the sensations coming from it. It sounds like you've done very well at achieving a kind of "conscious" incontinence. At this point, it would seem that you should start trusting that your efforts have been successful and you no longer need to maintain such a total awareness of what your bladder is doing. Now, I think you should go about the normal business of living, working, and sleeping and stop being sensitive to what your bladder is doing. Trust the fact that it will do what's necessary when it's necessary and no longer needs your conscious attention.

You mentioned that you still try to maintain a little control when changing. I think that's a mistake. This shows that you're still trying to maintain a little control and are still aware of the status of your bladder to some extent.

It's completely normal for a boy's bladder to empty while having his diaper changed. So, normal, if fact, that that assorted products are made to help parents keep from getting sprayed by unexpected geysers during diaper changes. Most parents learn quickly to put a wash cloth or some other absorbent cloth over their boy's penis while cleaning cleaning him up during the change.

I'd also recommend that you do diaper changes on a schedule. Once your body achieves stability, it will eliminate urine at a reasonably predictable rate. All you have to do is learn what that rate is and change your diapers accordingly. In my case, I change about every 4-6 hours. I put on a diaper after showering in the morning and change again at lunchtime. Sometimes, I need another change in the late afternoon and then change again before going to bed. Doing it on a schedule means that you no longer have to be aware of how often or how much you wet. You can just go about your normal activities and let that aspect of your life take care of itself.

[BlakeJordan]

Great points. I should point out that I am no longer trying to hold at any time. Including diaper changes. Too painful.

I am more or less on a schedule. Though think with my body changing this much I am still super concious. It's almost exactly like yours.

I also think you nailed it with the concious incontinience. If there is such a thing I have it.

Funny your suggestions. As after I wrote this I felt like what your talking about is that setting in period for me. Where conciouslly my body is automatic. My muscles have weakened. Though to set things, it's gonna take Just as long.

Good advice and something I've been doing without realizing it.

I am starting to sleep better. I think my body is starting to go out of shock. I think another week I'll be normalized.

Thanks again.

-Blake-

[BlakeJordan]

I should also noticed. As things are of course changing rapidly, that any triggers set into place to make me wet are now working without me realizing. For instance.

Washing of hands.

Running water.

Drinking.

All result in me wetting Without me realizing it.

My concentration is now always split. Wetting is a just barely a distraction. I never concentrate on it fully.

Half of the other times wetting happens without realizing it.

Becoming harder and harder to hold it if I do try out of diaper. - accidents always happen. Instinctively I clamp down. Then go ow! And release again.

Night wetting is the same.

Spasms are Finally decreasing slowly. Meaning I'm able to sleep better. Soon I'll be on a regular sleep schedule and be able to get to sleep quickly.

-Blake-

[Craisler]

One thing that might help you sleep better is wearing a diaper that you can absolutely trust not to leak. If you are concerned about the nuisance of waking up in a wet bed, you're problably not going to sleep as well as you could. I found that I need to wear a medium heavy cloth diaper at night to be sure that I don't leak during the night. Disposable diapers just don't work for me since I often sleep on my side. Even an Abena XL4 that I wear with confidence during the day and have sometimes worn as long as 8 hours without leaking, will leak at night.

When I travel and have to use disposable diapers, I wear a Comco or Baby-pants training pant over the diaper with plastic pants over everything. I also take several cloth underpads with me to make sure I don't make a mess of someone else's bed.

Given your training methods, I'm surprised that the beep-beep-beep of an alarm going off isn't also on your trigger list.

[BlakeJordan]

I normally do not actually leak too much unless i have a Ton of water. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones.

I also have double protection for mattress. One is a cloth lined rubber backed protecter. The other is a very thick vinyl mattress protecter that catches anything else.

Keeps me from worrying.

My body is finally settling down. Though I think it will be another week before I feel normal and am sleeping normal again.

These past couple weeks have been the most intense and trying I've experienced in diapers in my life.

I've come to close to tears a few times. It's not every day you can see your body failing before your eyes. I can say I second guessed myself on a daily even hourly basis. Thinking what the hell I'd done.

Had it not been for the checks and the balances that I set up. I prolly would have started retraining. To be completely honest it freaked me out. The sudden loss of control. It went from slow and steady to wham, bam. Didn't see that coming. Felt like I jumped off a cliff. Had taken that magic pill.

Even with all my mental prep. I was still in shock. My body was in shock. I was in physical, and emotional shock. I've actually been somewhat ill from the sudden changes. A bit bedridden. Has turned into a real medical condition. Due to the time it takes to get to sleep. And the very light rest. Ive been in exhaustion mode for a couple weeks now.

Good news is my body is leveling out again. I think my sleep will too. In a few days I'll be back on a decent sleep schedule.

As much as I try not to get personal here. I think it's important to realize that your body is going to change. Sometimes more quickly then you'd think or like.

It has helped staying focused on the end goal and why I'm doing what I'm doing what I'm doing.

This is for many of us in pursuit of happiness. Whether we reach that point of happiness or it eventually becomes a burden too much to bear, only you will know. It is your right. To be able to pursue it though. Go after your dream. Try and reach for happiness in whatever way and form you can.

Thank you everyone for all your support. I know I write this often, it is never copy/pasted. Always from the heart. I truly could not have come this far without your support.

-Blake-